Is a GF within her rights to demand that her man NEVER looks at any sort of pornography online?
....sometimes while surfing, I just wind up there to take a look. If she sees it in the history or something, look out!... its arguements and threats to leave.
Now its not like you've got a "right" to look at whatever you want to, or is it?
Something just tells me that this would be a pipe dream for a woman to expect her man to never have his eyes stray. Isnt it ingrained in our DNA or something that we just love to look at the menu?
I've seen marriages break up because someone gets addicted to porn and then try to start acting on what they are seeing. Sometimes they start going outside the marriage, sometimes they try to involve their wife who feels diminished or not good enough. It's tragic and rough on everyone, especially the kids.
So if I just THINK about a roll in the hay with some girl with no intentions of actually doing so because I care for and want to stay with my GF, she still has reason to dump me same as if I had actually cheated on her?
The person in a relationship with someone who looks at porn feels inferior and distanced in not all, but many cases. I've never seen good things come out of it.
Luna: How old are you? How many serious relationships have you had? Not that I would try to deny you your opinion, or your "right" to voice it here; but any opinion must be put into perspective. I think the answers to those two questions will bracket up the value of your opinion nicely.
Porn is only as important to this dispute as it is to you. If one had to go; the IRL girl or the e-girlz, which would it be? Also, one must also take into account the possibility of the Controlling Bitch factor. If you cave on this, is she just going to find something else to make drama over? In that case, you must think of what is more important to you; peace in your romantic life or her?
Some girls just like drama, some like to control their men and other people, some are actually offended by pornograghy. I think you must figure out which of those three she is most rikki-tik, and move from there. If you want peace, one will have to go.
And if you decide that it has to be her, then bounce her whore ass out of your life hard enough that she will never bounce back into it. Better for her to be put emotionally out of commission for the rest of her life, than be left intact enough to cause you future misery.
well no sane woman will let you crap on her chest, or suck off a donkey for you, and sometimes you just need to watch gak like that done by professionals.
Horst wrote:well no sane woman will let you crap on her chest, or suck off a donkey for you, and sometimes you just need to watch gak like that done by professionals.
I know that was probably said as a joke, yet I know of relationships ending because one person or the other wanted to start acting out the stuff they'd been seeing.
Horst wrote:well no sane woman will let you crap on her chest, or suck off a donkey for you, and sometimes you just need to watch gak like that done by professionals.
The people that put this crap out have no respect for anyone. They will use any trick to get it into our lives. I was working with my daughter on the computer once and had typed a map address in. One missed key caused a porn site to appear on screen. I don't know how many of you are parents, but knowing the guys that put this stuff out and the tricks they use to put it in front of children is frightning to someone that has kids.
Pretty much, it is within her 'rights' to make any demand she wants that involve behaviors she doesn't want in a mate, and it within your 'rights' to tell her to hit the road if her demands don't mesh with what you believe reasonable demands should be.
It's really up to the both of you to discuss it like adults and set your boundaries. If she cannot abide the idea of being with a man who looks at porn, then you're going to have to choose between her and porn. And that's not saying either of you is right. If porn makes her uncomfortable, well, that's just how she is. But, on the other hand, I'm not sure I'd want to be with anyone who gave me restrictions on what I do with my own time - so I'm not really taking her side either.
The one absolute no-no, in my mind, is dishonesty. If she asks you not to, you're within your rights to tell her you think that's an unreasonable request. But if you tell her you won't, and then you do, you open up a whole world of trust issues. It is better for you to fight for something that you care about (whether that be porn, or watching football, or playing with toy soldiers) rather than agree to her demands to shut her up, and then sneak around doing whatever it was anyway.
First, we all give up certain freedoms to be in a relationship. Most notably, the freedom to pursue other people, but we all change our behaviors to make a relationship go more smoothly. As such, it's not totally out of line for one person to ask another to not do something that they dislike/find offensive/whatever.
That said,what's her problem with porn? Does she find it degrading to women? Does she think she's not satisfying you? Does she simply think it's morally wrong? If she has a legit reason to ask you to stop, than it's a different story. Most of the time, there really isn't one.
Second, you have to figure out why you watch porn. Is it for entertainment? Or do you simply like a little boost while taking care of personal affairs? This is important, because many women don't like guys masturbating at all. So, you gotta figure out what the root issue is before you tangle it up.
As relapse has pointed out, a couple of times, is that there are times when porn is harmful, both to a person and to a relationship. Like any obsession or psychological additiction, from hummel figureines to betting on dog racing, porn "addiction" can be very harmful. That's a long way from enjoying a nice show while cranking on out once a night.
So, it's possible that she has feelings of inadequecy that make her feel bad if she knows you're viewing porn. It's also possible she's just being controlling and petty. Let's also face facts: you're not going to stop looking at porn. You're simply not, because for many guys there is simply no way for any woman to meet all sexual needs, either in quantity or quality. Or, as Dan Savage says, "we can either expect our mates to be monogamous, or we can withhold sex. We cannot morally do both."
LunaHound wrote:Hmm my reply had some weird reaction....
would you like ur gf looking at porn of hot studs?
In my experience a woman that enjoys porn has a pretty high sex drive, and that usually means good things. You take the good with the bad.
Now, would I rather her looking at porn instead of spending time with me? Of course not. But that doesn't mean I'm going to deny her some fun when I'm not around.
It's best to decide right now whether or not this relationship is going to work, rather than creating a slow-simmering cauldron of resentment that ends with a big, ugly spectacle and somebody being found in the river, in a hefty bag.
Redbeard wrote:Pretty much, it is within her 'rights' to make any demand she wants that involve behaviors she doesn't want in a mate, and it within your 'rights' to tell her to hit the road if her demands don't mesh with what you believe reasonable demands should be.
It's really up to the both of you to discuss it like adults and set your boundaries. If she cannot abide the idea of being with a man who looks at porn, then you're going to have to choose between her and porn. And that's not saying either of you is right. If porn makes her uncomfortable, well, that's just how she is. But, on the other hand, I'm not sure I'd want to be with anyone who gave me restrictions on what I do with my own time - so I'm not really taking her side either.
The one absolute no-no, in my mind, is dishonesty. If she asks you not to, you're within your rights to tell her you think that's an unreasonable request. But if you tell her you won't, and then you do, you open up a whole world of trust issues. It is better for you to fight for something that you care about (whether that be porn, or watching football, or playing with toy soldiers) rather than agree to her demands to shut her up, and then sneak around doing whatever it was anyway.
Hope this helps.
QFT
OP, forget about 'rights' in case. You have the ABILITY to look at anything you're able to, and so long as you're prepared for the consequences it won't cause you or anyone else you care about any distress.
Unless you're fourteen or something, the old 'ingrained in our DNA' line is a terrible and dehumanising excuse.
Incidentally, here in Australia, 'hardcore' or 'X' rated pornography is absolutely illegal.
I feel that in general western cultures view sex in a terrible light. Porn is an natural response to the technology available. Your ancient ancestors used to look at paintings on walls and lumps of mud that looked like penises.
My only problem is that the porn industry restricts the types of bodies that we are exposed to and creates unnatural ideas of beauty. When was the last time you saw a 6' 135 lb naturally hairless blonde with a white anus? (anus bleaching is freaking creepy!) In real life?
Looking at porn suggests something that is unfulfilled or empty in your relationship. This of course signifies unhappiness or discontent with your girlfriend. Porn has ruined lives, and will continue to do so. She is perfectly within her rights to say you can't look at porn, cuz she doesn't have to date someone who isn't the man she wants, but that also goes vice versa. I agree with Luna on this one. If you can't give something like this up for the woman you supposedly love then maybe you should look for love elsewhere. Remember love is about sacrifice, and that goes both ways.
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grizgrin wrote:Luna: How old are you? How many serious relationships have you had? Not that I would try to deny you your opinion, or your "right" to voice it here; but any opinion must be put into perspective. I think the answers to those two questions will bracket up the value of your opinion nicely.
I don't think that this is a fair post. Its none of your business, and unless Luna shares it with us, its none of ours. Lets be honest, in this situation, where he is posting on the internet, does it really matter what any person's life or history is like? They will make up any past if they want to in order to justify their claim. As long as anyone has a decent answer, which Luna does, then this is really a pointless post. Like I said, he is posting the question on an internet forum, not going to a professional, so our background or experiences is irrelevant.
Porn is, and always has been, about fantasy. Being in a relationship, even an incredibly healthy one, does not destroy the desire to experience the fantastic. Asking a guy to completely give up porn is very much like asking a girl to give up Twilight.
That said, she can choose to object anything she chooses. This seems like something extremely silly to object to (How many guys in the world don't look at porn?), but that's a separate matter altogether.
If a man or woman is watching porn in a relationship 99% of the time it is because he / she has a higher sex drive than their partner.
The remaining 1% of the population have socially unacceptable fetishes and/or are prone to compulsions and obsessions (Just like drug addiction or even a gambling compulsions).
The only time porn causes problems in relationships is if you are either in the 1%
OR
One or both partners have serious trust issues, and if this is the case no abstinence of porn will ever make your relationship a healthy one.
Clthomps wrote:If a man or woman is watching porn in a relationship 99% of the time it is because he / she has a higher sex drive than their partner.
The remaining 1% of the population have socially unacceptable fetishes and/or are prone to compulsions and obsessions (Just like drug addiction or even a gambling compulsions).
The only time porn causes problems in relationships is if you are either in the 1%
OR
One or both partners have serious trust issues, and if this is the case no abstinence of porn will ever make your relationship a healthy one.
That is a bit generalized I think. My parents, who don't even know how to use the internet much less a computer, don't have trust issues with each other and they don't observe porn, and they have a very healthy relationship. You may dismiss this as an anomaly, but I know many couples like this.
Arctik_Firangi wrote:Never been a fan of disproportionate W's anyway.
Dude, they have porn these days for whatEVER you are in to. I don't care WHAT some guys' dream girl ooks like or what kind of vet she sees; there's a slew of sites waiting to cater.
I believe they refer to it as Rule 34? Trust in it.
JEB_Stuart wrote:Looking at porn suggests something that is unfulfilled or empty in your relationship.
What it also suggests is that the man likes looking at nekkid women.
JEB_Stuart wrote:
grizgrin wrote:Luna: How old ...bracket up the value of your opinion nicely.
I don't think that this is a fair post. Its none of your business, and unless Luna shares it with us, its none of ours. Lets be honest, in this situation, where he is posting on the internet, does it really matter what any person's life or history is like? They will make up any past if they want to in order to justify their claim. As long as anyone has a decent answer, which Luna does, then this is really a pointless post. Like I said, he is posting the question on an internet forum, not going to a professional, so our background or experiences is irrelevant.
That's a very nice opinion. Let me take out some of the syllables and explain somethings you missed. First off, the question was rhetorical. Luna's answers are not for my or dakka's information; rather they are responses to a set of questions that were intended to get her to think about her answers, the questions, and how her responses influence how she considers such things. Tell you what, if you didn't like that, you should just go ahead and put my on ignore now, you'll be happier that way.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Redbeard, JohnHwangDD and Polonius gave the best answers to your question.
Yes, your GF has the right to ask you to stop, and you have the right to say no, if it’s important to your quality of life.
Would you let your GF stop you playing wargames?
Sometimes, some women in relationships make demands of their partners ‘just because’. It’s part of a control strategy. That’s when you have to insist on your rights.
If I gave in to all my wife’s demands I would spend my entire leisure time waiting around in shoe shops.
I'm pretty certain that science has proved that men & women view & deal with sex in different ways. As I understand it us men are actually quite shallow when it comes to sex, we react straight away to visual stimulus. Which is probably why porn works on us. I for one can say hand on heart that I've never compared my wife to a porn star and thought I'm missing out on something, it's just porn.
As I've got older I have found myself reflecting on the rights & wrongs of it though. I know there are a lot of women in the industry who defend it and say it gives them self power, but does it really?
It's an odd comparison, but I do think it's a bit like sticking sweets at the check outs. The shops / makers say that you aren't forced to buy them, but they know you will due to the kids kicking off. It's the same with the porn industry. They say that nobody is forced to do it, but they offer up money and target people who they know are susceptible. You can't tell me that that women who went for the world record of having sex with the most men was right in the head?
I don't know how many of the posters here have a daughter who is 17+ or would be old enough to off had a daughter of that age, but how would you feel if you found out your daughter was doing this? I mean we are quite happy to watch the porn, but it is somebodies daughter at the end of the day!? Can kinda take the fun out of it. Then there's the "drunk" porn that gets stuck on the internet. Women who are too drunk to know what's going on being filmed having sex... bit too close to rape I think.
On topic. Well, I suppose it depends on the kind of relationship you have. If you guys are into that kinda kinky stuff then I guess that's your choice. But if you went into this relationship with respecting and loving only eacher in mind, then I would say no. (BTW, if you need to look at p0rn then that's not a good sign of the relationship.) How about you try to spice up things between you instead of looking at other areas? It'd be a safe bet to say that it won't stop there with looking...
If it's your PC (as opposed to a jointly owned one) then, no she has no 'right' to demand anything. She can ask by all means and you can say no and if you do then she has no legitimate cause for complaint.
Personally I have no issues with pron as long as it involves consenting adults and I freely admit that I enjoy it. I don't think it is damaging in itself and that and when people say they have known relationships destroyed over pron I think that the pron is more than likely a symptom as opposed to a cause.
Personally I think the hang ups over pron and sex in general that Britain and some other western countries have is not only misguided but actually damaging. Sex and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn’t be treated as something to be hidden away or worse, criminalised.
If a GF ever said to me, it's the pron or me then quite frankly I'd tell her to take a hike. I have no interest in being with anyone who wants to control me in this manner and what I look at on my PC is no ones business but mine.
LuciusAR wrote:If it's your PC (as opposed to a jointly owned one) then, no she has no 'right' to demand anything. She can ask by all means and you can say no and if you do then she has no legitimate cause for complaint.
Personally I have no issues with pron as long as it involves consenting adults and I freely admit that I enjoy it. I don't think it is damaging in itself and that and when people say they have known relationships destroyed over pron I think that the pron is more than likely a symptom as opposed to a cause.
Personally I think the hang ups over pron and sex in general that Britain and some other western countries have is not only misguided but actually damaging. Sex and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn’t be treated as something to be hidden away or worse, criminalised.
If a GF ever said to me, it's the pron or me then quite frankly I'd tell her to take a hike. I have no interest in being with anyone who wants to control me in this manner and what I look at on my PC is no ones business but mine.
Beerfart wrote:Is a GF within her rights to demand that her man NEVER looks at any sort of pornography online?
....sometimes while surfing, I just wind up there to take a look. If she sees it in the history or something, look out!... its arguements and threats to leave.
Now its not like you've got a "right" to look at whatever you want to, or is it?
Something just tells me that this would be a pipe dream for a woman to expect her man to never have his eyes stray. Isnt it ingrained in our DNA or something that we just love to look at the menu?
Dump her dump her now. She's evil. We're talking Satan's sock puppet kind of evil.
Beerfart wrote:Is a GF within her rights to demand that her man NEVER looks at any sort of pornography online?
....sometimes while surfing, I just wind up there to take a look. If she sees it in the history or something, look out!... its arguements and threats to leave.
Now its not like you've got a "right" to look at whatever you want to, or is it?
Something just tells me that this would be a pipe dream for a woman to expect her man to never have his eyes stray. Isnt it ingrained in our DNA or something that we just love to look at the menu?
Dump her dump her now. She's evil. We're talking Satan's sock puppet kind of evil.
I'm scared... I agree with Frazzled... I think I need a shower now.
What if it goes the other way round? Hmm? I knew my relationship was over when she started openly browsing watersports and auto-asphyxiation sites looking for ideas.
BrookM wrote:What if it goes the other way round? Hmm? I knew my relationship was over when she started openly browsing watersports and auto-asphyxiation sites looking for ideas.
No, you really know its over when you catch them perusing "how to get life insurance on your hubby/BF without letting them know" website.
It all comes down to respect. If your GF has made it clear that she finds you looking at smut unacceptable then do you respect her enough to stop? If the answer is no then it's time to part ways.
She is well within her rights do demand whatever she wants, the same as you are well within your rights to tell her to jog on.
Personaly I have no problem with it, as said before almost all blokes crack off a sneaky one when the missus is not about, I would imagine that the majority of women know full well this happens but are happy to let it go as long as they are not confronted by it.
I would be interested to know who's PC it is? If it is hers then I have to say you are bang out of order, if it's yours then for the love of god remember to delete down your history after every "session"
Beerfart wrote:....sometimes while surfing, I just wind up there to take a look.
Seriously though, I think your girlfriend doesn't want you looking at it because it makes her feel like she's not satisfying you. Put yourself in her position. If you found her playing with herself in front of some male Pr0n, wouldn't you feel a bit... err.... deflated?
Just take a romantic trip together to the friendly neighbourhood sex shop and get her to do some of the things you see in porn. See if she does it better.
Skarwae wrote:
Just take a romantic trip together to the friendly neighbourhood sex shop and get her to do some of the things you see in porn. See if she does it better.
Be prepared for this to back fire. A friend of mine was always talking to his girl about some back door loving, they took a trip to the local adult shop and bought some lube, on the way out she darts back into the shop and says "back in a second i just want to get a little suprise for you". He thinks he is well in and has a smile on his face for the rest of the day. That night they go to bed and things start to get steamy, he asks if she is "up for it" and she replies yes, she proceeds to tie him to the bad and nips of to the bath room to get the suprise ready. He still thinks his luck is in and inticipates her returning wearing something red and flimsy. When she re-entered the room with a huge black rubber willy he started to get a bit upset, apparently he failed to specify which back door was going to be getting the love.
I must stress that this geuinely happened to a friend and not me!
My wife aint a fan of porn, so that's why I don't let her know I'm looking at it on the net . I'm fortunate in that my wife has a desktop PC to use and I have my own laptop, otherwise she'd wonder why the web history is misteriously blank all the time ("its like its never been used" ).
I appreciate why most women I know don't like porn (at least openly), but as long as you aint looking at anything 'wrong' or genuinely disturbing it's really just a fantasy. I love my wife, but I still like to look at some naughty stuff every now and again, but I'd never cheat on her even if I was invited to take part in some of the stuff I look at. If you do find yourself favouring porn over your partner then that is a sign your relationship is in trouble.
Assuming that looking at pron is an activity indulged when the GF is not around and that it's on your own PC/internet connection then I don’t see how this could possibly be described as a reasonable request.
If she doesn’t respect you enough to let you have you own private life then it's time to get rid of the controlling wench before she takes your life over. Mark my words, she’ll be after the toys soldiers next!
In my experience women can be extremely insecure about their bodies and attractiveness. I had a gf, and more recently this happened to another friend of mine who is engaged, who got 10 sorts of pissed because I went to the strip club. I tried to explain that there was no way in hell I was actually going to score with one of those women, but she wouldn't hear it.
Same thing when I got "caught" looking at porn. I came to find out out that it was her insecurities that were driving her anger over pornagraphy, she felt that I wasn't attracted to her enough, and it was somehow her fault that I was being "driven" to porn.
I explained to her that my penis and I have been in a very long and happy relationship, and I'd been masturbating since I first figured it out. It had nothing to do with her, or my desire for her, it was simply something that me and my dick do every once in awhile when we are bored/horny/have nothing better to do. And porn is just a good facilitator for one of my favorite activities with my best friend i.e. my penis.
I also find myself agreeing with Frazzled...amazing.
Look, to the OP - first, there's no "right" opinion when it comes to porn. It has no across-the-board effects on everyone. Porn comes down to social mores, and how liberal or conservative they are, which on the left side of the spectrum may also decide what kind of porn you like.
All you can get on this are opinions, so here are mine and I hope they help.
1) Yes, your girlfriend is in her "rights" to tell you not to watch porn anymore...but it may be worth considering *why* she doesn't want you to watch it. Most women will appreciate your having this sort of conversation with her. Find out what her issue is, and be sensitive about it. Major brownie points. Sometimes women just want men to listen, and that's all. You may not need to change anything.
Does she feel threatened by it? Most women I know who are confident in their sexuality and in their relationship with their partner don't give a damn if their partner watches porn as long as it's within reasonable limits, i.e. if the man starts running up credit card debt to pay for porn, that's a problem. If he starts watching porn exclusively and not sleeping with her anymore, that's a problem. Otherwise, who cares?
If she has no reasonable argument for your not watching porn anymore, then the problem lies with her. Maybe she's conservative and isn't comfortable with sex. Maybe she's not confident about her looks and thinks that you're comparing her to the porn actresses. Both women and men need to accept that human beings will find other people attractive and look at them, and that's that - but as long as they don't act on it, it's fine. If she can't handle that, then she may be too immature to be in a relationship at all.
If these are her problems, and not yours, then you have the choice to make. Personally, I dumped a woman as soon as something like this took place. Too many fish in the sea. Next time you think about dating a girl, see what she thinks about porn early. If she's all conservative and offended by it, no next date.
Dating isn't about learning what you want to find in a partner, it's about learning what you DON'T want in a partner.
2) To anyone who tells you that porn leads to unhealthy fantasy/wanting to act them out, first of all I would suggest that most fantasy is not unhealthy so long as it remains fantasy, and you know the difference between fantasy and reality. Per wanting to act fantasies out, this is very often a GOOD thing in a relationship. When you've been with the same woman for ten years you may very well want to try something new, and as long as it's something you and your partner both consent to, it can be a very good thing.
3) This goes to everyone else...no, if a woman watches porn it doesn't mean she's not being satisfied. It just means she's horny and into sex. Women can get themselves off better than men can because they know their unique stimuli. Men who think all women operate the same as one another are usually a terrible lay.
PRAY you date a woman who likes to get toys and watch porn and stuff b/c it means you've got a keeper there! LOL
Clthomps wrote:If a man or woman is watching porn in a relationship 99% of the time it is because he / she has a higher sex drive than their partner.
The remaining 1% of the population have socially unacceptable fetishes and/or are prone to compulsions and obsessions (Just like drug addiction or even a gambling compulsions).
The only time porn causes problems in relationships is if you are either in the 1%
OR
One or both partners have serious trust issues, and if this is the case no abstinence of porn will ever make your relationship a healthy one.
That is a bit generalized I think. My parents, who don't even know how to use the internet much less a computer, don't have trust issues with each other and they don't observe porn, and they have a very healthy relationship. You may dismiss this as an anomaly, but I know many couples like this.
That is a bit generalized I think. My parents, who don't even know how to use the internet much less a computer, don't have trust issues with each other and they don't observe porn, and they have a very healthy relationship. You may dismiss this as an anomaly, but I know many couples like this.
I seriously Hope / Doubt you know what goes on in your parents bedroom. IF your around my age then your parents are part of a generation that was privy to movies like "Deep Throat" and "Behind the Green Door" movies like this were huge box office hits, (and were played in main stream movie theaters, not just sleazy places with sticky floors). While the lack of a computer will limit the type of porn they watch / have watched I seriously doubt that they have never or would never watch porn or enter an "Adult Book Store".
well as a girl myself i don't mind porn at all. i actually like it rather a lot if i find something good or something i think my boyfriend might like i will bookmark it for him.
each to there own, im not threatend by someone having sex on a recording....i guess i'm just easy going!
See thats just ridiculous. My wife knows I look at porn, she has no problem with it what so ever. Infact Ive shown her some at times. Its no big deal. I laugh when I hear stories like this. If she is really THAT unreasonable about it, she has a problem. And needs to realize that she needs to work on herself.
And mental cheating doesnt count looking at porn. Thats just looking at porn. Mental cheating is falling inlove with the chick in the porn movie
I agree with everyone who pointed out that if you take this laying down *hehehehe* there will be worse to come. (so many puns so little time) I don't understand anyone who would feel that porn is a threat. If my boyfriend told me not to watch porn anymore he'd be out on his ear quicker then it took me to open my web browser believe me.
I love ya babe but take ya control freak of a self else where.
Arctik_Firangi wrote:Never been a fan of disproportionate W's anyway.
Dude, they have porn these days for whatEVER you are in to.
JEB_Stuart wrote:Looking at porn suggests something that is unfulfilled or empty in your relationship.
What it also suggests is that the man likes looking at nekkid women.
Yup & yup. I'm a guy, and I *like* looking at nekkid women. As far as I know, this is "normal".
____
Kilkrazy wrote:Fwooooooaaaarrrrrgh!!!
Would you let your GF stop you playing wargames?
If I gave in to all my wife’s demands I would spend my entire leisure time waiting around in shoe shops.
What's bizzare is that somebody, somewhere is getting off to that one-celled reproduction diagram...
Oh, no, let that "Fwoo.." thing not have been you... TMI!
Watch out, if she's going after your pr0n, she'll eventually go after your gaming. Women *hate* that you enjoy going out gaming instead of sitting about, listening to their stories...
If I gave into all of my wife's demands, -shudder- ... There's a reason why ", NO!" exists as an answer. Use it once in a while. ____
Wolfstan wrote:You can't tell me that that women who went for the world record of having sex with the most men was right in the head?
I don't know how many of the posters here have a daughter who is 17+ or would be old enough to off had a daughter of that age, but how would you feel if you found out your daughter was doing this?
The "record" woman did it purely for the money, because she knew she'd make a bundle for gutting it out. In many ways, mentally, it's the same as in many of these "reality" shows.
No daughter, but if she's a consenting adult with a hot body, I don't see the inherent problem. On the SoCal beaches, I've seen some seriously hot girls in seriously hot swimsuits. I'm pretty sure they're not being exploited when they go to hang out at the beach in those suits... ____
BrookM wrote:What if it goes the other way round? Hmm? I knew my relationship was over when she started openly browsing watersports and auto-asphyxiation sites looking for ideas.
I wouldn't be afraid to pee on my wife - hell, my kid even got her several times during diaper changes...
OTOH, if she's thinking to choke me, no, that's not good. David Carradine died that way, and it's not a cool way to go out.
I think one factor that has been overlooked is boredom. Just general boredom. People sitting in front of computer often will just randomly browse if they have nothing to do, instead of turning it off and doing something else. Eventually pron happens. It is inevitable. It is your destiny.
Your g/f should like Pr0n because it keeps men in shape sexually and makes us healthy; routinely doing the nasty fends off life threatening circumstances such as prostate cancer.
Many times in a relationship a woman will try to push your buttons to see how much 'power' she has over you; the more you give in the less attracted she usually becomes and you'll be tossed aside for a more interesting and 'manly' prospect.
One of the biggest mistakes both men and women make in relationships is that they assume that "all men/women are the same", and so miss out on the huge difference between people in their wants, desires, kinks, interests, and level of interest. If your gf was with a guy that liked to get off twice a week, and used porn for that instead of her, she might be analogizing. Now, if you enjoy it twice a day, and use porn only when she's not around, she might not make that connection that your different. More than anything, women need to understand that not all men like the same amount of sex. In my expereince, when two people have synced up sex drives, it goes a long way making everybody happy. It's not everything, but let's just say you're a little more willing to compromise when you're... satisfied.
And for guys, female body issues can be extremely complicated. It's not always women wishing they looked like the skinny porn stars. I dated a girl who got the gastric bypass, and while she liked the way she looked, she had more body issues during sex afterwards than before. She was very confident before the surgery, but afterwards she had a different body that didn't act the way she wanted. She also was afraid that I liked her before, and not after. I tried to tell her that I liked both, but we eventually broke over that and a bunch of other issues.
No. She doesn't have the right to demand what you think about. Ever. Nor do you have the right to demand activities from her.
If you're having nineteen hour telethons downing similac, creatine, and powdered protein to keep your strength up or have a $100 standing order for tissue and lotion there's a problem.
Expecting total fulfillment of a partner's needs desires and fantasies is outside the scope of mortal humans. Finding that happy medium is a matter of communication, exploration, and trust. Trying to fill the shoes of a fantasy, or perceptions of a previous partner is only going to lead to disappointment.
Fantasy is *not* cheating. Acting on it is. I submit that a person that equates thinking about a deed to the deed itself likely has issues with self confidence and self control.
Because in America, it's alright to have blood and guts and curse words in prime time TV, but we can't see a phallus!
The OP can either comply with his significant other's wishes, or not. And if she packs up and leaves, he shouldn't be shocked.
OT - anyone seen "Who's Nailin' Palyn?" (or however Larry Flynt mis-spelled it). I don't think the 'star' is all that, but I have to give Mr. Flynt credit for 'sticking it to the man'. In some ways, he's a filthy degenerate, and in other ways, he's what's best about America. Anyway, if I bought a movie this year, that'd be the one, just because I think the title and subject is hilarious.
I say you sit down and have a serious conversation about it. Talking rarely hurts any situation. She gets the opportunity to explain her reasons and you get a chance to explain why you "need" to look at it. Personally I think you're better without it, but I don't know you (values, background, etc...) so I have zero room to instruct you on how to live your life.
Ultimately relationships come down to compromising (make your own?). This is an important issue that you two need to get past. If she thinks that you're hiding something from her, then she's not going to trust you. If she can't trust you (or you her) then there will be doubt and yada, yada.
I quit chewing tobacco about 4 months ago because I got busted by the wife (in a poorly constructed lie btw) for the second time. She asked me not to do it the first time, but I thought I knew better than her. The second time it came around I knew that I needed to get my act together or the argument that we had that night was going to continue on and on.
Point I'm trying to make is that you are doing something she doesn't agree with. I'm not arguing the right/wrong of Pr0n, what I'm arguing is that you have a wedge in your relationship that you can both recognize, evaluate, and act upon.
Good luck in your situation and hope you can do the right thing.
My girlfriend seems to be ok with it most of the time. Sometimes she's not, but it's pretty rare. It's not like we live together or hook up constantly either. A bit off topic, but I now can't believe some of the lies a Christian private schooling tried to pass to me about masturbation. Things like "if you masturbate, you won't get pleasure form real sex" or that if you have sex with a female who is in her early 20s or younger, that she'll become "an emotional time bomb" and explode when she hits 30. I'm not kidding. I now encourage the younger guys that if they have an urge, they shouldn't feel guilty relieving it.
a girl i saw for a while use to ask my opinion of the softcore stuff she did online, which was both odd and awesome.....to bad the photographer had crap skills
JEB_Stuart wrote:Looking at porn suggests something that is unfulfilled or empty in your relationship. This of course signifies unhappiness or discontent with your girlfriend. Porn has ruined lives, and will continue to do so. She is perfectly within her rights to say you can't look at porn, cuz she doesn't have to date someone who isn't the man she wants, but that also goes vice versa. I agree with Luna on this one. If you can't give something like this up for the woman you supposedly love then maybe you should look for love elsewhere. Remember love is about sacrifice, and that goes both ways.
People have alternative lifestyles you cannot enforce your moral standings on others, thats what results in wars and hate.
If you're a gamer nerd lucky enough to have a GF, and said GF says "I don't like porn, and I'd prefer you didn't watch it", and you continue to watch it, she's well within her right to dump you. If you wanna keep said GF, do what she asks and quit watching. Don't think you can get away with it and she'll never know, because eventually she'll find out and then you'll be all alone. There's a big difference between not watching because you know it offends her, and her trying to control ya. If you care about someone, you should be willing to make a compromise here and there for the greater good.
Necros wrote:If you're a gamer nerd lucky enough to have a GF, and said GF says "I don't like porn, and I'd prefer you didn't watch it", and you continue to watch it, she's well within her right to dump you. If you wanna keep said GF, do what she asks and quit watching. Don't think you can get away with it and she'll never know, because eventually she'll find out and then you'll be all alone. There's a big difference between not watching because you know it offends her, and her trying to control ya. If you care about someone, you should be willing to make a compromise here and there for the greater good.
What you described is neither compromise nor for the greater good.
We don't know the context really of the situation which really makes it difficult to give out to much advice. Is it something he looks at on occasion or is he watching it 6 hours a day while she is sitting alone trying to watch TV/be sociable/plant petunias/everything?
Necros wrote:If you're a gamer nerd lucky enough to have a GF,
Pfft.
I dunno. It really depends on how good the sex is, along with whether she's friendly / sociable outside of the sack. If she's absolutely incredible in the sack, the best lay you've ever had, then maybe she's worth keeping. But mediocre sex isn't worth being whipped over.
Arctik_Firangi wrote:
Incidentally, here in Australia, 'hardcore' or 'X' rated pornography is absolutely illegal.
That totally explains why all Aussies are crazy.
Does it stop people? No. Will Kevin Rudd's Proposed mandatory Internet censorship stop people? No.
BrookM wrote:Goes to show just how boring Australia is.
Horse ****. What do you think one of our biggest industries is? Tourism. Why? Because we have an interesting history, interesting buildings, a big rock, big other assorted things (insert innuendo here)... Like sheep, pineapples, bananas etc, and the Great Barrier Reef.
Tauzor wrote:
JEB_Stuart wrote:Looking at porn suggests something that is unfulfilled or empty in your relationship. This of course signifies unhappiness or discontent with your girlfriend. Porn has ruined lives, and will continue to do so. She is perfectly within her rights to say you can't look at porn, cuz she doesn't have to date someone who isn't the man she wants, but that also goes vice versa. I agree with Luna on this one. If you can't give something like this up for the woman you supposedly love then maybe you should look for love elsewhere. Remember love is about sacrifice, and that goes both ways.
BOLLOX
I make porn with the wife & girlfriend.
People have alternative lifestyles you cannot enforce your moral standings on others, thats what results in wars and hate.
Ahem... watch out for that banana cream pie... it will make you gay, just saying though.
Okay, that is some funny ****!
As to the on topic: I can't say much that hasn't already been said. It actually reminds me of a thread on WAU about a guy who's pregnant wife wanted him to stop wargaming as it "would desensitize the child" and that thread devolved into "ditch the b!tch"
Personally? I think if you are watching porn instead of spending time with her? (i.e. watching it 6 hours a day) She has a reason to be upset. Otherwise, she is probably bein a control freak.
People have alternative lifestyles you cannot enforce your moral standings on others, thats what results in wars and hate.
Overreaction much? I never said anything about moral standards. I was simply referring to the fact that viewing porn is an expression of something unfulfilled, maybe fantasy or not, that you have in your life. Read the post before you decide to make an ignorant statement.
Just like playing Warhammer is an expression of one's lack of freedom to run around shooting foreigners? Fantasy isn't all bad, and in many cases preferable to fulfillment, at least on a social level.
I think you're a bit off the mark there Arctik_Firangi. That was not what JEB was trying to say. He was simply pointing out that if you are looking at porn, then you obviously don't think your girlfriend it good enough.
Necros wrote:If you're a gamer nerd lucky enough to have a GF, and said GF says "I don't like porn, and I'd prefer you didn't watch it", and you continue to watch it, she's well within her right to dump you. If you wanna keep said GF, do what she asks and quit watching. Don't think you can get away with it and she'll never know, because eventually she'll find out and then you'll be all alone. There's a big difference between not watching because you know it offends her, and her trying to control ya. If you care about someone, you should be willing to make a compromise here and there for the greater good.
Heck no.
Aside from it being incredibly patronising (not just towards the op, but evreyone on this board) to suggest that because the OP is a gamer he should consider himself lucky to even have a GF, it is never a good thing to be a relationship with a control freak. It’s far far better to be single.
I accept compromise can be important. A fair compromise would be, for example, to only look at pron when the GF is not about and to delete the cache after a session. Saying not to look at it at all is not a compromise; it is an ultimatum, and an unreasonable one at that.
Emperors Faithful wrote:I'm with JEB on this one. (the pic won me over)
I think you're a bit off the mark there Arctik_Firangi. That was not what JEB was trying to say. He was simply pointing out that if you are looking at porn, then you obviously don't think your girlfriend it good enough.
It depends what you mean by "good enough." Men aren't biologically wired to be monogamous, we can mate with many different females to spread our genes. From an instinctive perspective, no one woman is ever enough. Also, if you like variety in your life, no one woman can be everything that you can possibly want. So, porn is a good way of satisfying that demand, whether it be for another race, group sex, fetishes, etc.
I'd want to make it clear that just because a guy is looking at porn doesn't mean he's unsatisfied with his gf.
Emperors Faithful wrote:...if you are looking at porn, then you obviously don't think your girlfriend it good enough.
I'd want to make it clear that just because a guy is looking at porn doesn't mean he's unsatisfied with his gf.
Just a side note:
Humans aren't built monogamous worse yet, when faced with a perceived authority (see also the Milgram, and Stanford Prison experiments) mankind has the habit of compliance.
So, if its really the 'right' thing, how come some invisible sky wizard had to decree, and enforce it by word of mouth by some guy with a fancy robe and tall hat.
Emperors Faithful wrote:...if you are looking at porn, then you obviously don't think your girlfriend it good enough.
I'd want to make it clear that just because a guy is looking at porn doesn't mean he's unsatisfied with his gf.
Just a side note:
Humans aren't built monogamous worse yet, when faced with a perceived authority (see also the Milgram, and Stanford Prison experiments) mankind has the habit of compliance.
So, if its really the 'right' thing, how come some invisible sky wizard had to decree, and enforce it by word of mouth by some guy with a fancy robe and tall hat.
Monogamy predates the fancy robe man. Part of why monogamy is so popular is that it gives structure. Polygamy provides fluidity sure, but most people tend to like structure.
edit: Not sure how this whole thing is now a discussion of p0rn as it relates to fidelity...
youngblood wrote:
Monogamy predates the fancy robe man. Part of why monogamy is so popular is that it gives structure. Polygamy provides fluidity sure, but most people tend to like structure.
Fancy robe folks seem to crop up all along mankinds' history.
Although documents dating to 1000BC show glimpses monogamy in the Abrahammic faiths, sororate marriages still stood in the Zhou dynasty. Solomon had many wives. As much as humans like monogamy on a social level, it just doesn't seem to stick.
We seem to have missed the arguments for and against the exploitative function of pr0n on women still!
Back to the discussion at hand though -
Its nice she doesn't like porn. She doesn't have to look.
Edit: (nice of me to complete the thought. let me try that)
Pr0n is simply not the gateway to fidelity or lack thereof any more than a knife is a gateway to murder (dinner maybe, but murder is subjective).
Oldgrue wrote:Pr0n is simply not the gateway to fidelity or lack thereof any more than a knife is a gateway to murder (dinner maybe, but murder is subjective).
Ok, not be a bit contrarian but there have been studies showing a strong desensitization effect with PrOn. There's some really wacked out stuff no, especially on the intrawebs. I can see the GF/wife freaking out in many instances.
In addition it creates really false stereotype stuff (but thats for the topic more for youngins vs. married/GF stage).
Its another slippery slope issue on a personal scale. moderation boys and girls, its whats for breakfast.
EDIT: Sorry, I didn't see this thread already had four pages with several good answers.
Either way, I bet vegetarians watch porn, too. And I bet Morrissey watches porn of a kind that'd make some people here jump out of their windows
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JEB_Stuart wrote:Looking at porn suggests something that is unfulfilled or empty in your relationship. This of course signifies unhappiness or discontent with your girlfriend. Porn has ruined lives, and will continue to do so.
Nothing has to be empty. Porn (excluding the real sick stuff, for civility's sake) is entertainment for adults, and while it might still be a little taboo in some corners of the world, it is in essence nothing else than watching football matches or playing video games. It's a pastime, a way to occupy your fantasy. It is neither sent by Satan nor is everybody in the porn industry a ruthless would-be slaver. One could easily argument that watching porn (perhaps even together with your partner) can add new facets to your relationship. That doesn't mean it has had to be empty beforehands. One could also simply exchange "porn" with "wargaming" and argue that your life isn't that fulfilled when you have to play with toy soldiers as an adult - which is an opinion that everybody here knows and nobody here likes. With porn, it's just the same. In the end, it all boils down to whether people are tolerant and open-minded or not; porn and wargaming (for example) aren't inherently morally good or bad. And I think we all want people to be tolerant and open-minded, and I also think everyone should start with himself.
LunaHound wrote:Cheating mentally still count as cheating.
Gotta disagree with ya Luna. Just because a man in a relationship imagines, say sleeping with Beyonce, does not mean he well do anything.
And for that matter, just because a woman is in a relationship and thinks about sleeping with CLive Owen, does not mean she will.
Or for that matter that they will even have a snowball's chance in hell.
As for watching porn in a relationship, just don't scream out the pornstars name during sex. Especially if it's a dude.
A relationship has to be balanced if you want it too last and be enjoyable, for example
lady X worked her ass off while her BF Y lost his job and sat on the couch all day watching tv and playing xbox, he treats her like a option, she cooks and cleans for him and pays for the bills etc while he does nothing.
for that example the relationship is unbalanced, sometimes its obvious (like the example) but other times its as small as one partner paying the bills or one partner in a relationship looking at porn while the other doesn't.
many relationships can break up due to an unbalanced relationship. In your case its unbalanced because your GF isn't looking at porn (as i interpret) and you are, i know it's your choice and perhaps you should talk to her about it.
lastly, you don't need to listen to me at all, i am the interwebz if your really having issues see a physiatrist (?).
hope this helps a lil, i only finished reading page 1.
It's healthy for men to orgasm and ejaculate regularly, both for their mental health and physical health (lowers the risk of Prostate Cancer).
It is perfectly healthy for a bloke to get 'bizzay' every single day, and unless the girl would like to take care of it each time personally, then she should butt out.
Now, if you cannot get through a day without doing it, or if you spend a large portion of time viewing porn at a time, then I can see why it would be annoying.
But for a bloke to enjoy pornography several times a week in his alone time to be considered unacceptable by the girl would lea me to believe her to be naive and/or immature.
Men are hard wired differently in their brains and bodies, we do not work the same way all the time.