Inspired by a post in another thread, and the recent smack in the head Leona Lewis got at a book signing, because a fan had to wait for too long and she signed his name incorrectly! It got me thinking, if you could smack just one celebrity who would it be?
If possible post a picture along with your reason for giving them a good wallop!
Mine has to be
Micheal Ball
I can't stand the guys cleaner than clean, house wives favorite image, it makes me sick
I would hit that. Oh! you mean..? I gets it now...
I wouldn't mind bludgeoning to death every member of Behind Crimson Eyes for making me sit through their massacre of Motorhead's "The Ace Of Spades" while waitning to see Iron Maiden last year.
I would hit that. Oh! you mean..? I gets it now...
I wouldn't mind bludgeoning to death every member of Behind Crimson Eyes for making me sit through their massacre of Motorhead's "The Ace Of Spades" while waitning to see Iron Maiden last year.
Oooo me to But back on topic, I would like to punch Bradd Pitt and Nicolas Cage, well scarp that and just add enthier hollywood
I have a few...but at the top of my list would be
Sean (P Diddy,Puff Daddy) Combs,I can't even begin to explain how much joy I would get from kicking this mans teeth out.
i want want to beat down
1. Adam Sandler-because hes just not funny and is in way too many movies.
2. Owen Wilson- same as above
3. Ben Stiller- same as above
4. Nicolas Cage- can't act and yet still finds work for some reason
5. Michale (f'n) Phelps- proves a white man can be caught doing something illegal and not get in trouble while a African American football legend can be sent to prison because of hearsay and the fact it happened at his vacation home
6. Steven King- worst writer ever. Insult to the horror genre
I thought that was Wolfgang Puck at first and was like, "Why would somebody want to punch Wolfgang. He seems like a cool dude." But now that I know it's Uwe Boll I'll Tag Team with whomever wants to fight him.
It seems bad taste to mention real people who might actually read this forum but, anyway...
I have loathed Jamie Cullum and his smug, pseudo modern massacres of jazz classics ever since I first heard him. Whenever he comes on the radio I want to spew up.
Kilkrazy wrote:It seems bad taste to mention real people who might actually read this forum but, anyway...
I have loathed Jamie Cullum and his smug, pseudo modern massacres of jazz classics ever since I first heard him. Whenever he comes on the radio I want to spew up.
He plays? DAMN HIS EYES! After we've both punched him of course.
Nice thread! I think about this quite often, though instead of a punch in the face my punishments range from smashing their hand with a 9lb hammer to shooting them, execution style, with a .22 (or something small calibre that will ping around inside the brain pan).
Cyrus-Both of them.
For general stupidness and degrading disney into a music label and music in genral
for letting her do that but in other word hes a good guy
same as cyrus Although i aim for the south
Is it just me or do the Jonas brothers have NO personality? I mean, they are both playing BLACK guitars for frazps sake, and not even something iconic like a Strat (Actually, I hate black strats, but anyway).
I mean, a BLACK SG and a BLACK Explorer? Who the hell thought that was even remotely interesting/cool/attractive/not blatantly bought off the internet by a fashion designer who resented having to co-ordinate another accessory?
And why do thye always have to be clearly standing in the order:
Not really suave guy---not really deep guy---not really a rocker guy?
In every picture I see of them its like they drew a line and they want everybody to be attracted to the one in the middle because he represents some kind of idiotic middle ground, like personalities all fall along a single axis (love and fear to be precise).
ANYWAY
I want to punch every member of "The Feeling", Metallica, Will Smith for the damage he has done to great sci-fi novels and GOD DAMNED FRAKKING RACIST CHICKEN gaking ASS-FACE NOT-A-DOCTOR PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Automatically Appended Next Post: And another thing, why the hell do people even buy explorers? It makes the very clear statement "I want my instrument to look as akward and impractical (and not all-together cool) as possible."
Its better than a Flying V, but come on. If you want an impractical guitar, get a Bo-Diddly. At least they are good for a laugh.
Jazz is for Losers wrote:Nice thread! I think about this quite often, though instead of a punch in the face my punishments range from smashing their hand with a 9lb hammer to shooting them, execution style, with a .22 (or something small calibre that will ping around inside the brain pan).
Candidates include-
This incredible tool
I have always had a theory that Gok is in fact straight, and has just figured out a very cunning way of touching up fatt girls without getting a slap or a court order. Good on him I say!
nintendoeats wrote:And another thing, why the hell do people even buy explorers? It makes the very clear statement "I want my instrument to look as akward and impractical (and not all-together cool) as possible."
Its better than a Flying V, but come on. If you want an impractical guitar, get a Bo-Diddly. At least they are good for a laugh.
Some Explorers can look alright, as long as you're OVER 6 feet tall...
Albatross wrote:@nintendoeats - I want to punch the guy who designed THIS fething monstrosity:
GAH! The pointy!
Now then Albatross, you had better NEVER show your face in ANY topic about metal EVER again.
Why would you want to consort with anybody who was interested in THAT? Thats like saying "now that you have made fun of sticking your face in crap, you aren't aloud into any of my orgies."
EDIT: and jeez, what must that thing sound like? I mean, there is almost nothing there for the sound to reverberate through. Its like they made a neck and thought at the last moment "aw crap! the hardware has to go ON something"...
First of all, Gandhi?
only coz ya know he won't hit back Not sure Gandhi counts as a celeb. I mean, when was he last in Hello or such like?
Secondly, it would be simpler just to line all celebs up against the Great Wall of China. Then make the media pillocks who have a career out of promoting celebrity culture shoot the lot of 'em with dum-dum bullets
then line the media lot up and shoot them too
AHH! I feel so much better now!
Automatically Appended Next Post: Yup I hate Gok because he shouts "OK Girls get nakee!" and they all take their clothes off!
I thought it was a jolly good idea but when I tried it, i got a smack in the gob and ended up with a broken jaw and arrested.
I wouldn't do it myself.. but i'd pay money to see someone do it.... vote or die, and she didn't even register dumb beezy.
and then this tool box....
not really a celeb per say.... but famous enough.... I went to high school with this tard, and he used to give me and my friends s t for being into all the stuff he talks about on his show... and now he some "nerd icon" and it makes me sick. Also on my schools website, he's the only "notable" graduate.
how the hell the fact this guy made up torture allegations (including falsifying photos of troops pissing on iraqis), which almost got several British troops court marshaled/imprisoned, got forgotten by the general public I have no idea.
@whatwhat - You make an excellent case for giving Piers Morgan a sound thrashing! Perhaps someone should put a sack over his head and wee on him. Poetic justice.
GES wrote:You have just earned the hatred of every metal head on dakka. Prepare for your DOOM!!!
Did they manage to splice Justin Timberlakes DNA with higher quantities of 'gakker'?
No, at least Timberlake has noticeable talent. He can dance his ass off and has a very nice voice. I'm not crazy about his music, but I won't deny he's got talent.
Justin Bieber, on the other hand, is a 15-year-old kid that sounds like a pre-pubescent girl. He sings like he knows all about love (because you totally know that at 15), and frequently uses ghetto language such as 'son' and 'shawty'. Not to mention he can't sing because he uses autotune. And his personality is also a trainwreck. He dumped his last girlfriend because she was in a boating accident and suffered brain damage and will be unable to walk again.
Who, or more noteably,what, the feth is that?! I cant tell if those are hardcore female rights activists....or hardcore sheboys. Seriously Im confused.
I want to punch the ever living poop out of Usher. Dunno why, I just cant stand anything that guy touches. I think if we ever crossed paths, Id just haul off and deck um
KingCracker wrote:
I want to punch the ever living poop out of Usher. Dunno why, I just cant stand anything that guy touches. I think if we ever crossed paths, Id just haul off and deck um
On that note, it may be a good time to mention it was Usher that introduced Justin Bieber to the musical world....
I'm going to have to quickly come in on Albatross' side on the Guitar "issue".
I've been playing for MANY years (in quite a few metal/punk bands) and I HATE "warlock" style guitar bodies.
KingCracker wrote:
I want to punch the ever living poop out of Usher. Dunno why, I just cant stand anything that guy touches. I think if we ever crossed paths, Id just haul off and deck um
On that note, it may be a good time to mention it was Usher that introduced Justin Bieber to the musical world....
After all, Malcolm 'Bellend' MacLaren was in it purely for the money. First to promote his shop, and then when they started selling lots. You are aware The Sex Pistols were pretty much a manufactured band, yes?
@ Kingcracker; Jep it's tokio hotel. And if I were you I would stay with the "hardcore sheboys" thing.
Also does anyone recognizes this guy? He was the coach of Sven Kramer. Anyone saw the match yesterday? Anyone from Holland would like to punch him in the face I believe
Back up a moment...Twilight was written by a GUY?....
That is disturbing.
Anyway, I have this theory about punk. Every single cultural phenominon that was actually worth something has been somehow stolen by the powers that be. With punk, they went further than we did so we said "Hey, I actually like that" and then proceeded to smack the person selling it to us with a chair and run off with several copies for all our buddies.
And that is how we stole punk...metaphoricly...
Automatically Appended Next Post: He is involved in the olympics?
@Albatross
I would point out that U2 recorded war (and hence Sunday Bloody sunday) BEFORE they became the most obnoxious and pretentious band in the universe. It also hapens to be fething awesome.
Who, or more noteably,what, the feth is that?! I cant tell if those are hardcore female rights activists....or hardcore sheboys. Seriously Im confused.
I want to punch the ever living poop out of Usher. Dunno why, I just cant stand anything that guy touches. I think if we ever crossed paths, Id just haul off and deck um
That my friend is Tokyo Hotel and they come out of Germany. Germany unfortunately has some of the worst music in the world, sorry.
HAS the worst music inthe world. i mean come on they had David Hasslehof with a number 1 hit for christ sakes.
To hell with it, I want to punch everybody who I have heard of who has not contributed in some positive way to my life. That means everybody from Brangelina to Rush Limbaugh to fething Hitler (Godwin can eat my cat).
Im in the same boat with U2. They made some really good music, but DAMMIT Bono is such and ass. I think he has the biggest god complex in the world.
And yea, Liam Gallagher deserves a punch for sure.
Same with Lars, god that guy is a total asshat as well. All he does is complain about people stealing his music, and then snuffs his fans with no autographs and the like. Sorry those people gave you millions, Im sure its such a burden
Exactly - imagine how many autographs he's signed in his life! It's bound to get on your tits after a while, especially when most of them will end up on ebay these days.
To quote Spike Milligan 'they're about as funny as a baby with cancer'.
3 Series of 3 hours of poofy french jazz spank. I can't stand it. If you want weird and wacky humour, how about Vic and Bob? You know, the comedy double act the Mighty Boosh wish they were, but blatantly aren't?
Dogma wrote:Perhaps this thread should be renamed "Celebrities you would like to donkeypunch you"?
Fixed.
@MGS - I like all three! Vic and Bob are my favourite comedians. My missus met Noel at a signing (I think - she got a picture, anyway), I'm sure she said he was a nice bloke. Good with the fans. I'll tell you who IS nice - Gordon Ramsay. Totally down-to-earth chap. So is Lenny Henry, although I don't particularly care for his comedy.
Apparently, Thom Yorke is a RIGHT knob-job - he tried to get my mate sacked! Still love his band, though.
But for Noel Fielding, I'll make an exception. In a dark alley. With a cricket bat. Knock that baseless, smug grin off his face. Seriously don't like him!
whatwhat wrote:
To paraphrase John Lennon, Ringo Starr wasn't even the best drummer in The Beatles.
OT: We were auditioning a guy to drum for us, and he was...not so good...nice guy, but couldn't keep a beat.
Of course, this meant that we had a drum set in my living room, which is also our practice space. We were shocked to discover that we were actually better drummers than him.
@whatwhat - he may have said that, but when Ringo was recruited, he was widely considered to be the best rock 'n' roll drummer in Liverpool. He's influenced more drummers than he's ever really given credit for.
@whatwhat - I could explain why you are wrong, if I thought you were doing anything other than trolling...
Oh well, here goes:
Most rock and roll drummers were lighter and jazzier before Ringo Starr, certainly in the UK. They also tended to use the orthodox-style grip, as opposed to the matched grip. Ringo played with a matched grip, mostly because he was left handed and he would often play on a right-handed set-up. This allowed him to hit harder than most other drummers. He also hit the bass-drum harder, and rather than decorating his parts with lots of fills, he just concentrated on playing the backbeat as hard as possible. This made the Beatles' music more danceable and 'insistent'. It definitely contributed to their success.
None of that is remarkable for a drummer. Ringo's style suited the band, by no way was he the only person who could have done that. And Ringo didn't play fills because he was crap at them.
whatwhat wrote:None of that is remarkable for a drummer. Ringo's style suited the band, by no way was he the only person who could have done that. And Ringo didn't play fills because he was crap at them.
Yeah...and I can play the opening of "All Along The Watchtower." Jimi Hendrix is still a better guitar player than me because he was talented enough to do it first.
You are making a circular argument. He was influential because he was in the beatles who were popular because they were very creative and made lots of interesting decisions that produced great work, making them popular and influential.
There are lots of popular musicians that aren't influential at all. You actually have to do something unique first.
Well, in that case. I think your overestimating Ringo Starr's part in the creative decisions of The Beatles somehow. And even if he had had more of a role, that doesn't make him a great drummer.
whatwhat wrote:Well, in that case. I think your overestimating Ringo Starr's part in the creative decisions of The Beatles somehow. And even if he had had more of a role, that doesn't make him a great drummer.
whatwhat wrote:That's great. You were one half of a constructive argument until that. Thanks for your input...
Yes I was. Albatross was the second half.
Don't get me wrong, I have no stake in this, I'm just calling them as I see them. However, Albatross has made a compelling argument. You have not, and in that post you repeated non-constructive statements, more or less ignoring what had been said previously rather than responding to it.
...and now I'd have probably rolled off the floor, down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Me I'm well aware who here is making the non-constructive statements, ignoring arguments and not responding and it's not me. If we could get back to my earlier point before your appearance then..
whatwhat wrote:
Albatross wrote:@whatwhat - I could explain why you are wrong, if I thought you were doing anything other than trolling...
Oh well, here goes:
Most rock and roll drummers were lighter and jazzier before Ringo Starr, certainly in the UK. They also tended to use the orthodox-style grip, as opposed to the matched grip. Ringo played with a matched grip, mostly because he was left handed and he would often play on a right-handed set-up. This allowed him to hit harder than most other drummers. He also hit the bass-drum harder, and rather than decorating his parts with lots of fills, he just concentrated on playing the backbeat as hard as possible. This made the Beatles' music more danceable and 'insistent'. It definitely contributed to their success.
None of that is remarkable for a drummer. Ringo's style suited the band, by no way was he the only person who could have done that. And Ringo didn't play fills because he was crap at them.
THIS deserved double facepalm, since it completely failed to tread any new ground.
whatwhat wrote:Well, in that case. I think your overestimating Ringo Starr's part in the creative decisions of The Beatles somehow. And even if he had had more of a role, that doesn't make him a great drummer.
Up until then you were being reasonable. Not winning the argument I think, but reasonable.
whatwhat wrote:Maybe you could explain your disagreement with it rather than posting "non constructive statements" about it.
Its just a restatement of argument, the argument with which you began, and largely preying on the ambiguities of the situation. If you are saying that Ringo Starr having a reasonable creative influence on The Beatles work (Which I assume we all agree was some damn fine stuff) doesn't make him a great drummer, than you should define what you mean by a "great drummer." I expect what you were trying to do was shift the conversation to a discussion of what makes a musician great, a goal at which you did not succeed (unless you would like to do so now, but I don't see how one could make an argument about such a thing).
whatwhat wrote:Maybe you could explain your disagreement with it rather than posting "non constructive statements" about it.
Its just a restatement of argument, the argument with which you began, and largely preying on the ambiguities of the situation. If you are saying that Ringo Starr having a reasonable creative influence on The Beatles work (Which I assume we all agree was some damn fine stuff) doesn't make him a great drummer, than you should define what you mean by a "great drummer." I expect what you were trying to do was shift the conversation to a discussion of what makes a musician great, a goal at which you did not succeed (unless you would like to do so now, but I don't see how one could make an argument about such a thing).
What? Read it again...
whatwhat wrote:Well, in that case. I think your overestimating Ringo Starr's part in the creative decisions of The Beatles somehow. And even if he had had more of a role, that doesn't make him a great drummer.
Firstly, how is that "the argument with which you began." I was talking to Albatross about Starr's ability as a drummer. That there above was a response to your entirely new point about creative input.
Ringo Starr having a reasonable creative influence on The Beatles work (Which I assume we all agree was some damn fine stuff)
If you will read my post again I'm not actually agreeing that Ringo had a great deal of creative input. Chiefly where I say.... "Well, in that case. I think your overestimating Ringo Starr's part in the creative decisions of The Beatles somehow."
Ringo literally waited on the other members to create the songs then turned up at the studio. On one occasion he temporarily quit because they were taking too long to get material ready for the studio. Ringos creative input was I'm afraid lacking compared to the other members.
....doesn't make him a great drummer, than you should define what you mean by a "great drummer. I expect what you were trying to do was shift the conversation to a discussion of what makes a musician great, a goal at which you did not succeed (unless you would like to do so now, but I don't see how one could make an argument about such a thing).
I think it was fairly clear myself and Albetross were talking about Ringo's ability as a drummer not a band member which you seem to be confusing it with.
What part of that was worthy of your "double facepalm"?
So in essence, we ARE debating what we are debating.
This whole thing started with discussion about how and why Ringo was influential.
You were restating your argument very literaly. "even if what you say is true, I am still right" is just a restatement and a dismissal, unless you attatch a REASON that it is not true; perhaps a defenition of a great drummer.
In that veign, I realise that you weren't saying that Ringo had an influence. Your disgreement of that (which Albatross made a good argument for) is not a problem persay, but the point I was making against the second half of your post required it as a hypothetical.
So in essence, we ARE debating what we are debating.
This whole thing started with discussion about how and why Ringo was influential.
You were restating your argument very literaly. "even if what you say is true, I am still right" is just a restatement and a dismissal, unless you attatch a REASON that it is not true; perhaps a defenition of a great drummer.
In that veign, I realise that you weren't saying that Ringo had an influence. Your disgreement of that (which Albatross made a good argument for) is not a problem persay, but the point I was making against the second half of your post required it as a hypothetical.
What are you on about now? I never disagreed that Ringo Starr had an influence. Where did you get that from?
Read it back...
Albatross wrote:@whatwhat - he may have said that, but when Ringo was recruited, he was widely considered to be the best rock 'n' roll drummer in Liverpool. He's influenced more drummers than he's ever really given credit for.
whatwhat wrote:The sole reason he has become an influential drummer was because he was in The Beatles. All he actually did was hold a beat.
whatwhat wrote:All he actually did was hold a beat.
This I believe to be The main point of contention.
In essence, Albatross is arguing that Ringo actually did something worth drawing inspiration from. This, it would seem, is what you disagree with. yes?
whatwhat wrote:Ringo literally waited on the other members to create the songs then turned up at the studio.
Erm... he was the drummer. That's fairly normal.
We shouldn't get away from the fact that my original point was that he changed rock drumming forever. I never said or implied that he was a virtuoso. He wasn't - a fact which he acknowledges. It was his 'feel' that was so vital to the Beatles, his stripped-down, 'heavy' style that influenced many subsequent drummers, from John Bonham to Dave Grohl and many others.
whatwhat wrote:None of that is remarkable for a drummer. Ringo's style suited the band, by no way was he the only person who could have done that. And Ringo didn't play fills because he was crap at them.
Can you play them? There ARE fills in Beatles songs, and they are often very good. Ringo plays some fairly tricky stuff in 'I Feel Fine'. Plus whatwhat, you like dance music, yeah?
'Tomorrow Never Knows'
Sit there and tell me that it isn't influential. The beat is great, and trickier than it sounds.
In any case, perhaps another drummer could have done those things - but he didn't, not at that time and place. Elvis was only Elvis because of a certain set of circumstances, it could quite easily have been someone else. The Beatles were'nt the first to use a heavy backbeat, they weren't the first to use modal harmony, or Orientalism, sound collage or intertextuality and recontextualisation. But they popularised them - a certain set of factors meant that it is THEY who became influential. None of those things are remarkable now, but they were then, and so was Ringo's aggressive style.
If we're still on about punching famous people and not ogling Kirsten Stewart, can we line up George Osbourne as the recipient of my knuckle sandwich?
For non-UK Dakkaites - George (real name Gideon) Osbourne is one of 'Call me Dave' Cameron's Eton cronies and will be in charge of all the money if they're voted in. He is an utter twit (substitute the 'i' for an 'a' for my true meaning) and needs a good kick up the arse all the way to China and back.
I would like to punch him until his head was no longer so square, whining miserable piss pot.
You were in the best cars on the grid for damn near a decade and you couldn't even compete for one lousy championship, you Scottish knob gobbler
For the uninitiated, that's David Coulthard, former bad Formula 1 driver.
But back on topic, I would like to punch Bradd Pitt and Nicolas Cage, well scarp that and just add enthier hollywood 
Perhaps someone should put a sack over his head and wee on him. Poetic justice.
\
