Nemesor wrote:how'd your exam go?

only 3? thats 3 per 1000 spez mehrens and you hav what 3.5k of them? you could have 10.5 battle barges

Each Battle Barge can IIRC just about manage an entire chapter.
Though i could be wrong about that.

half a battle barge! wow. just realised how stupid that is...

Bfg says only three per a chapter which is kinda dumb. Exam went well unfortunately I have four more. I won't be writing til saturday mostly because of a girl problem. And then training on Friday all day.

girls... had the situation when they are acting really idk attracted to another guy then they come talk to you say you are acting weird and think you are cheating on them? the workings of a girls mind s weird. us guys generally think in straight lines where as girls go down every possible side alley sometimes

Nemesor wrote:girls... had the situation when they are acting really idk attracted to another guy then they come talk to you say you are acting weird and think you are cheating on them? the workings of a girls mind s weird. us guys generally think in straight lines where as girls go down every possible side alley sometimes

UH actually no not that. More of a friendship stress where we both have no idea if we should be friends or stay away from each other. We are both leaning towards friendship though.

Anyway I have wrote 2 paragraphs on the necron flayer stuff. (I hate matt ward more than ever. For now I must write morrrrrreeeeeee)

Lol. is the reason people decide to stay friends cause they still like each other? i have broken up wit someone twice the way that i mentioned. it was the same person. i must haave a bad taste in girls. . anyway every one hate matt ward. who makes a codex where it has dedicated cc units with iniative 2? really. on the bright side they are about te most indestructably units with t5 out there when they have dispersion shields and lord with res orb. T 5 3+ 4++ and rp 4+++ deep strike behind hammerhead. it shoots you make your invulnerable save. shoot it with its own strength ten attack. rp you dead back to life (hopefully). BUT he nerfed the monoliths living metal. only resistant to shaken or stunned not glancing. still better than the land raider. ds onto an objective. push the other units out of the way. gauss flux arc X 4 each firing at a different target. suck a unit of immortals through the portal. Shoot. again. tesla carbines. every roll of a 6 gives you two extra hits. which may also roll a 6. which may also roll a 6 and so on. you could destroy a boyz mob with 1 immortal if your lucky =)


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or didnt you go out with her. as you can tell im a bit of a gossip

No more final exams!
So that means i will now be spending time finishing up my Storm Crusaders with a complete rewrite... Yeah..

The Storm Crusaders then helped fashion the Alpha Squadron, a Deathwatch counterpart that mainly and only involves itself in the Ghoul Stars. Finding a way to defeat the Necron Flayed Ones who run rampant in the Ghoul Stars. The Flayed ones not only target Imperial forces but also the Ork Waghs!, or the hundreds of other xenos empires. Rarely do they attack the Imperial Space as the Flayed ones being intelligent enough to know to attack their foes that are weakest. The Storm Crusaders maintain strict stewardship over the sector, maintaining companies on every fringe world of the Dracorinian systems.
The Storm Crusaders have recently been involved in the Grimnar Campagin, Iron stone, The Defense of the Eagle’s Gate, the Siege of Toris, Black hand revolt, and the Construction of the Brotherhood Starport.
Unlike many other chapters the Storm Crusaders do not see eye to eye with other Astrates. Often regarded as being stubborn, ignorant and fools of the wars the rest of the imperium. Other Astrates most notably those descended from the Ultramarines regard them as oath breakers and corrupt.
On a separate occasion the Crusaders are known for their absolutely brutal outlook as sometimes they have been known to fight even other astrates. On one occasion the Wanderers and the Storm Crusaders opened fired upon each other causing the Wanderers to lose a significant amount of their number.
Ever since 4 other chapters joined the Crusaders an eternal war against the xenos empires that lie beyond its fringe worlds they have forged alliance. Known by lesser men as the Saviors of the Ghoul Stars or among imperials, the Brotherhood of the Ghoul Stars. The Brotherhood of the Ghoul Stars includes the Wanderers, The Dusk Guard, The Sword Templars, The Phoenix Knights, The Dawn Paladins, The Guardians and the Black Juggernauts. These 8 Chapters hold the line against the griming darkness of the ghoul stars. Fighting against unknown horrors and beasts that would cripple any other normal chapter. Each Chapter is entitled to its own homeworld and must protect it and also have access to the Admech Forgeworld in limited supply. The Brotherhood’s Headquarters is on the planet of Jophiel. A world of splendid beauty, and the place of great honor to step on. The Chapter Masters, Grand Templars, Archangels, whoever be there leader or representive holds significant power and convene to talk of affairs of the fringes arguing or agreeing to see which company would be sent out, an Inqusitior Lord is sometimes present to add any input or disagree with the other Astrates decisions, but he has no power over them only over the Storm Crusaders and The Guardians.

best fluff uv written so far in my opinion

I'm going to reiterate this, because I still don't see any indication that you have analysed your fiction from this perspective; it's still crammed with superfluous detail.

English Assassin wrote:Well, okay, to start with, I'd suggest refining your ideas (which are presently all over the place) to a single theme, supported by a list of a few defining characteristics. Pretty much every one of these should be directly relevant to that theme, not just tacked-on because it sounds cool.

Pick a single, specific cultural basis (this will help with consistent names too), a broad specialism of some kind, one or two particular advantages and a few flaws or quirks. Think about their recruitment world, their progenitors, and their relationships with other Imperial institutions.

While you're doing that, keep in mind the setting's background and its tone and atmosphere, and write some brief descriptions (not a rambling narrative filled with random names) of some memorable battle or campaigns which demonstrate the theme and characteristics you've chosen.

Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

English Assassin wrote:I'm going to reiterate this, because I still don't see any indication that you have analysed your fiction from this perspective; it's still crammed with superfluous detail.

English Assassin wrote:Well, okay, to start with, I'd suggest refining your ideas (which are presently all over the place) to a single theme, supported by a list of a few defining characteristics. Pretty much every one of these should be directly relevant to that theme, not just tacked-on because it sounds cool.

Pick a single, specific cultural basis (this will help with consistent names too), a broad specialism of some kind, one or two particular advantages and a few flaws or quirks. Think about their recruitment world, their progenitors, and their relationships with other Imperial institutions.

While you're doing that, keep in mind the setting's background and its tone and atmosphere, and write some brief descriptions (not a rambling narrative filled with random names) of some memorable battle or campaigns which demonstrate the theme and characteristics you've chosen.

Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

? Wait what? I rewrote it, I stayed away from superfilious things, they still have 3,500 Crusaders. Have you read theupdate thing? I am not going to go back and reedit my posts. I am retconning them out of existance most of them. I have not gotten to the theme yet. I haven't even started to talk about the theme yet.
I've only just gotten past the overview.

Asherian Command wrote:I have not gotten to the theme yet. I haven't even started to talk about the theme yet. I've only just gotten past the overview.

I'm afraid that rather encapsulates the problem: theme comes first, details follow to provide exposition.

English Assassin wrote:Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

Yeah Asherian, remember that your fluff must be at the same lofty standards set by GW's official codex writers.

Ulthanashville wrote:

English Assassin wrote:Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

Yeah Asherian, remember that your fluff must be at the same lofty standards set by GW's official codex writers.

So over the top, Probably bad and controversial?

But the thing is it is disclipined I have followed the complaints and I have gotten rid of alot of stuff. Now English Assassin, I am not some new guy that has just gotten into the hobby please understand that.
The new stuff I have written and researched upon and It seems fitting, if you yourself do not like it because of the OTT then you should read the Grey Knight codex. This warhammer 40k anything and everything is over the top.

Well my suggestions on fleshing it out further are:

-Time to start thinking about the heroes of your chapter - names, backgrounds, personalities, triumphs and mistakes/flaws - those are the guys who will really bring some life and identity to the force as a whole.

-Needs a few loose connections to existing 40k canon for added plausability. Just general stuff like who their parent chapter is/could be, where they were during major events (the badab war, age of apostasy, hive fleet invasions etc.) and the most important one, how have they reacted to the necrons reemerging? What are their plans for dealing with the huge numbers of crazed and depraved robots who've recently woken up? Have they encountered the reclusive overlord of this empire yet?

Asherian Command wrote:

Ulthanashville wrote:

English Assassin wrote:Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

Yeah Asherian, remember that your fluff must be at the same lofty standards set by GW's official codex writers.

So over the top, Probably bad and controversial?

Compared with this, Mat Ward's prose is positively Wildean. Conspicuously, he can also spell and punctuate coherently.

Asherian Command wrote:But the thing is it is disclipined I have followed the complaints and I have gotten rid of alot of stuff. Now English Assassin, I am not some new guy that has just gotten into the hobby please understand that.
The new stuff I have written and researched upon and It seems fitting, if you yourself do not like it because of the OTT then you should read the Grey Knight codex. This warhammer 40k anything and everything is over the top.

You posted this for the sake of receiving feedback, don't throw a strop when that feedback isn't what you wanted to hear.

English Assassin wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

Ulthanashville wrote:

English Assassin wrote:Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

Yeah Asherian, remember that your fluff must be at the same lofty standards set by GW's official codex writers.

So over the top, Probably bad and controversial?

Compared with this, Mat Ward's prose is positively Wildean. Conspicuously, he can also spell and punctuate coherently.

Asherian Command wrote:But the thing is it is disclipined I have followed the complaints and I have gotten rid of alot of stuff. Now English Assassin, I am not some new guy that has just gotten into the hobby please understand that.
The new stuff I have written and researched upon and It seems fitting, if you yourself do not like it because of the OTT then you should read the Grey Knight codex. This warhammer 40k anything and everything is over the top.

You posted this for the sake of receiving feedback, don't throw a strop when that feedback isn't what you wanted to hear.

No its just when I am getting to the lore and i am starting to write stuff out and redo certain things It is really hard to keep up with people's requests.
I am getting the theme. I am thinking more of a Chaotic Good Force and with a theme of Crusaders that stopped playing nice. (Knights Templar English)
Hard part is getting the theme down which i am trying too look over.

Characters are going to be
Loken Galatian
Calick Alrnia
Calnor Alrnia
Malnar Vajkis
Altorick Gestro
Asherain Telkiev
Malick Telkiev
Garane the Venerable
Nightbringer
Navious of the 1st.
Talick the Grand Guardian.


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The Ghoul stars are a vital importance to the Imperium of Man. The Highlords of Terra have assigned 16 chapters to the region but over time the chapters have either been annihilated, lost contact with or gone renegade. The remaining Astrates Chapters formed a close knit Brotherhood. The call it the Brotherhood of the Ghoul Stars.

Formed during 34th Millennium the Storm Crusaders and 2 other chapters (who's records have been scratched out.) fought against an Alien Race that if it escaped and got past them no other astrates chapter would be prepared to face it. The Brotherhood has remained for six thousand years. New chapters have joined, and old chapters have withered. The Brotherhood holds the World of Mal as a burial place of champions for all the Astrates who have died in service to the brotherhood. It is considered an honor beyond measure to be buried or set foot on the planet of Mal. (Especially Among Astrates)

Ever since 4 other chapters joined the Crusaders an eternal war against the xenos empires that lie beyond its fringe worlds they have forged alliance. Known by lesser men as the Saviors of the Ghoul Stars or among imperials, the Brotherhood of the Ghoul Stars. The Brotherhood of the Ghoul Stars includes the Wanderers, The Dusk Guard, The Sword Templars, The Phoenix Knights, The Dawn Paladins, The Guardians and the Black Juggernauts. These 8 Chapters hold the line against the griming darkness of the ghoul stars. Fighting against unknown horrors and beasts that would cripple any other normal chapter. Each Chapter is entitled to its own homeworld and must protect it and also have access to the Admech Forgeworld in limited supply. The Brotherhood’s Headquarters is on the planet of Jophiel. A world of splendid beauty, and the place of great honor to step on. The Chapter Masters, Grand Templars, Archangels, whoever be there leader or Representative holds significant power and convene to talk of affairs of the fringes arguing or agreeing to see which company would be sent out, an Inquisitor Lord is sometimes present to add any input or disagree with the other Astrates decisions, but he has no power over them only over the Storm Crusaders and The Guardians.

Ever since the awakening of the Necrons, the brotherhood has been fighting constantly against the Necron Menace of Drazak. Having invented new ways to defeat them, and even permanently damage them. The Brotherhood has give kraken bolts to some companies to counter the waves upon waves of Flayed ones that have come.

In addition to the Necrons, a new race has shown itself and has been ripping apart the defenses of the northern porition of the Drancorian shipping lanes. To many it seems inevitable that the Brotherhood might have to even attack the heart of the Xenos Empires. All of which is suicidal.

Other Details
No of Astrates


Unknown... Pending review

Representives:


Calnor Alrnia (Storm Crusaders) Tyrael (Wanderers) Swordmaster Marania (Sword Templars) Master Obediah (Dusk Guard) Grand Paladin Luther (Dawn Paladins) Chapter Master Varinus (Black Juggernauts), Phoenix King Ashikaga Takauji (Phoenix Knights), and Grand Master Heinrich (The Guardians)

Base of Operations

Jophiel (Read what it means )

Affiliation

Imperium of Man, Loyalist, Adeptus Astartes


Importance to Imperium:

Significant Primus Hecto


Current Activities:

Druska Campagin, Dread Campagin, Iron Stone, Defense of the Aux

Other Representives (Non-Astrates)

Admiral Duke Hekel (Imperial/Drancornian Navy), Inquisitor Lord Gordon Hales(Ordo Xenos), Inquisitor Paris (Ordo Hereticus)Inquisitor Delkin (Ordo Malleus), High Marshall Yuken (Drancorian Army)

Amount (Non-Astarte)

124 Regiments, 14 Fleets, ???? Ordo Members, 150 Million Crewmen, 12 Star Ports, 1 Star Fortress, 2 Flagships,

Lore! Here we go! I have also some pictures to go along with this stuff!
Garane the Venerable
Garane was once Captain of the Twenty First Company of the Crusaders. Known and feared by the enemies of the Imperium as Garane the Venerator. After fighting a Cyrthor Fiend force he was horribly injured and was entered within a Dreadnought. He now serves the chapter as an Ancient having served the chapter for 900 years, he has seen hundreds of Astartes serve under him. Having been a marksman in the Alpha Squadron he often equips himself with a plasma cannon, saying it gives more of a kick to his enemies. He is known to be a wise official to the chapter, sometimes representing the chapter in his dreadnought armor if Calnor Alrnia is delayed or otherwise. Garane has sometimes been granted back leadership of a company, like in the battle of the Aux where he and the 10th company were seen to fight against the Ork Wagh! Along with a Draska Necrons, Loken was severly wounded by the Ork Warlord before hand and was recovering. Garane took on the task of reforming the company and spearheading an assault into the heart of the Necrons destroying them with an armored assault that smashed through the Necron forces even destroying many tomb spyders, and necron monoliths permanently. Garane then faced later on during the battle the Ork Warlord and smashed the Warlords body into pulp as vengeance for loken. Loken returned at the end of the battle and took control back but thanked Garane for his righteous power and for saving the 10th. Ever since he has been attached to any company that has need of his support.

A Crusader defending a Breach.

Cleansing of the Ghoul Stars
The Storm Crusaders at one time requested aid against the Cyrthor Fiends having been literally just at war with a Supernatural Inhabitants of the Ghoul Stars the chapter needed reinforcements. The Black Templars arrived led by Helbrietch, the Storm Crusaders and the Black Templars welcomed each other as if long lost brothers and fought alongside each other against the Cyrthor fiends. The Storm Crusaders being siege experts took on the tasks of assaulting the forces of Cyrthor Fiends with Land Raider Executioners, and many other variants of vehicles that make use of plasma weaponry. Seeing that it was more effective, than otherwise believed at the time. The Black Templars then took care of the space warfare and hammered the Cyrthor Fiends, seeing to it that the planets would never be used again. They slaughtered the entire empire until reaching the heart of the empire and finding nothing there. The Crusaders confused left a recon force of Dracornian Military. They were never heard from again. The Black Templars parted with words of honor and Calnor Alrnia and Helbrietch became Blood brothers. Both exchanging tales of victories before the two left to heed to their chapters call.
Along with the Black Templars the 29th Company volunteered under the command of Tyrion to fight along with the Black Templars in Armaggedon. Helbrietch accepted, and Tyrion took his company to fight at Armaggedon.


M34 Pale Wasting Incident
Though Severely weakened at the time the Storm Crusaders actually had little involvement with Pale wasting incident, though one of the two chapters also aiding the Crusaders fought in the Incident and never returned. The Storm Crusaders during the other chapters absence found themselves besieged by something called the nightmare engine. Surviving from the horrifying attacks, the Storm Crusaders destroyed an entire population, unbeknown to them was that similar situations were occurring all over the sectors. The Storm Crusaders many years later found anomalies appear on their transit grid. Believing it to be a new foe the Crusaders Immediately responded sending out a sizeable fleet. The fleet returned with an empty armada of the missing chapter. Even the ancient weapons of the chapter were found, no other evidence apart from empty armories filled with Power Armor and weaponry was found. The Storm Crusaders have since decommissioned them and have either given them to other astrates chapters in the brotherhood or to the Admech for repurpose use.

M38 Marines Errant crusade
Among many of the Crusades within the Ghoul Stars that un-doubly failed to reach its ghoul. The Marines Errant a chapter despised by the Storm Crusaders for unknown reasons. The Storm Crusaders refused to fight side by side with them but helped the Rouge Trader explore the area safely. Fighting against entirely different enemies at the time the Crusaders split off and fought an Xenos Empire that is now completely extinct after the Storm Crusaders along with Aide form the Phoenix Knights, Dusk Guard and the Sword Templars plunged into the territory and destroyed the menace once and for all. The campaign took at least forty years. Not much is actually recorded on the events that transpired.


M40 Awakening of the Necrons
Of all the horrors within the Ghoul Stars nothing more horrifying is that of the Draska Necrons. Having fought on several battlefields before Captain Loken of the 10th company was approached and warned by a figure of unknown origin. Within a week the System of Draska saw the eruption of the Necrons. The Storm Crusaders immediately retreated leaving an entire system of civilians and an entire Astrates Chapter to their fate. Deeming it a necessary sacrifice, the Storm crusaders 10th company gathered itself with the 22nd and defended against the Necron threat fighting against them day by day until they finally retreated mysteriously. The Crusaders ever since have deployed plasma weaponry that unlike other chapters have gained a reputation of using plasma weaponry without the costly effective of it exploding. The Storm Crusaders have held the borders against the Necron Menace but it seems inevitable that one day the Necrons might attack the other outlying planets of xenos empires. As they are probably easier to kill than systems controlled by the Storm Crusaders.

M41 Jormungandr
The Storm Crusaders were yet again beset by another Alien Menace the Tyranids. Having had faced them before in the galatic southeast after being called by the Ultramarines to aide them against the Tyranids. The Storm Crusaders realized that unlike other hive fleets it retreated and sent asteroids to planets which ultimately failed. Though little did they know of the uprising in Navinian. The Storm Crusaders sent the 3rd, 2nd, elements of the 1st and the 26th companies along with a small force of their fleet to Aid the Imperial Forces (under the leadership of Admiral Vortigern Hanroth ) in an defense against the Tyranids. The Storm Crusaders 19th Company was then sent out to see what was happening among the Crimson Castellans a chapter apart of the Brotherhood. All they found was a destroyed planet and a single servitor with memories of the entire event which was then given to the Admech. At battle of the Black Nebula the Storm Crusaders along with the Death Spectres, while the Storm Crusaders fleet distract the Tyranid Hive fleet the Death Spectres sent kill teams into the Hive Fleet ships along with Alpha Squadron Members who tagged along to aid the Death Spectres. The Storm Crusaders lead by Captain Calick Alrnia, a relative to Calnor, he was a leader who saw tactics as his sword against the enemy. Having adapted his forces to fight against the tyranids his 2nd company deployed upon the Hive fleet, their Strike Cruiser taking significant damage along with the 2nd company force being almost wiped out, of the 130 Crusaders that volunteered only 45 returned. Calick along with the broken fleet were victorious but at a high cost, having saved a few Astartes of the Death Spectres as well they forged a relationship as they hunted the last of the Tyranid Fleet down. The Death Spectres have yet refused to join the Brotherhood of the Ghoul Stars preferring to work alone.
Two decades later the Storm Crusaders 5th Company responded to investigate, upon discovery of a genestealer cult the 5th company began the purge targeting any and all Humans with mutations. The Entire world was quarantined by the Ordo Xenos and the Alpha Squadron was deployed. The system is still under strict guard. The population still is shaken by the war that had erupted in their streets.

Calnor Alrnia (MARY SUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!)
A Legend among all of the Storm Crusaders. He has totaled more kills than an entire Company of Astartes. Being descended from a now devastated clan of humans. He is a natural leader, leading from the front. He has put entire systems of xenos to the flame and Chaos Renegades on the run. He is a Grand Templar and the most terrifying of the three Grand Templars. He is blessed with Mechanical wings which allow him to fly into combat. His sword burns with eternal power which was reforged from a Draconian Obsidan Beast. A Creature with skin harder than a Tank. Which was slew by a young Captain after the founding of the chapter. Calnor himself is a sword master but is considered more of a marksmen than anything, being equiped with a Stalker Pattern Bolter equiped with special ammunition he rarely uses his sword. Taking the Siege Combat as his expertise, he often leads 30 Paladins into action against the enemy. He leads the 1st-10th companies with distinction and has the 1/3 of the Paladin's under his command, along with his squad of First Templars.

A Legend Among the Storm Crusaders Calnor Alrnia is the Grand Templar of the Storm Crusaders. His services in the Imperium date back over 8 centuries. His first years of a Space Marine Showed a promising young Neophyte with the honor of a Warrior, he's ambitions to be the best. As a Grand Templar Calnor Alrnia is the embodiment of the Chapter. Calnor is proud, taciturn, intelligent, a natural leader. He is fearless as a warrior and his swordsmanship is only matched by the Black Templar's High Marshal. Calnor is also bearer of two relics of the chapter. The Talnris, a sword of an ever burning spirit and the Angel Armor, the self repairing armor and the spirit of the chapter. Truly Calnor is a legend, as he has taken slew of enemies. Killing of a Daemon Prince in the Griminar System, Assassination of a Chaos Lord, Killing of a Dark Eldar Lord, and even banishing over 200 demons in his time in the Storm Crusaders, this is but a small fraction of acts he has done. As the missions of his time in the Alpha Squadron are still shrouded in Mystery. But Calnor Alrnia Bears a secret that all of the Members of the Chapter Council hold as a burden. To speak of it would mean death. And those outside of the Council would meet their death because of this secret.
Calnor is considered by many to have a calm personality and calm look at war. While he fights in combat he does not cry out for blood or have a warcry. Instead he fights with abosulte peace and clarity. He is often seen by many of his chapter as a Legendary Figure. He is often noble, honest and a pure being. But the weight of holding the secrets of the chapter has clouded parts of his noble self.

He holds a deep hatred for the Xenos and for Daemons in Praticular after watching his entire clan slaughtered by daemons and have his left arm ripped off by a Daemon Prince as a prize. Since then he has honed his skills with the sword and the Halbried.

Being a former Alpha Squadron member he has a keen eye for killing from a distance. Even sometimes taking to the field with a highly experimental bolter sniper rifle. Dubbed the Rail Bolt. If he knows he could take out the enemy.

As a Grand Templar of the Storm Crusaders there are very few that have ever seen his actual war record. He is record to be around 1,000 years old and to have killed 2,951 vital targets. All of which were enemies of the chapter. Though it is unknown if he will ever reveal exactly how many targets he killed during his time as an Alpha Squadron member.

Since his time as a Grand Templar he has successful slew the following.

Chaos Lord Braxis the Doombringer (Regenade Space Marine)

Calis the Arch Traitor of the Storm Knights

Lord Taldor the Ripper (Dark Eldar)

The Matariach of the Ghouls (Daemon Prince)

A Prime Hive Tyrant. (During the Sixth War?)

The Unknown Creature (unknown xenos creature)

The Shapeshifter (Xenos Creature)

Lord of Lies (Daemon Prince)

The Deciever of Asherian (Assassin lord)

Inqusitior Jerchio (Corrupted)

Valin of the Seventh Sword (Unknown Race, posssed Extremely powerful pyschic abilities)

The Shard of the Reaper (Necron Relic)

The Fallen One (Space Marine from a unknown chapter, wore Black Armor which bore the dark angels symbol unknown if stolen from a now dead space marine.)

Prince of Sin (Daemon Prince)

Autarch of the Kalvin Moons (Eldar Hero who face Calnor In single combat, Calnor never slew him but defeated his forces and took the Autarch's Helmet as a war victory.)

Farseer of the Depths (Eldar Farseer that tried to manipulate a company of the Storm Crusaders. Calnor Intervened and killed the farseer taking her forceweapon and retreiving her soul stone and giving it to the ordo xenos.)

The Arch Angel of the Wanderers (Challenged into single combat against the Wanderer's Arch Angel of Light, Calnor Slew him in response the wanderers attacked calnor and his company. They successfully fought them off until the timely arrival of the Guardians who slaughtered half the chapter.)

Calnor Alrnia Grand Templar of the Storm Crusaders


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My storm Crusaders and the Space Marine Chapters do not stand alone along with them are the Hundreds of millions of Dracornian Military personnel!
I plan on using these guys.
http://www.manticgames.com/Shop-Home/Advance-Orders/Advance-Order-Corporation/Product/Corporation-Captains-Deal-67-Figures.html
Only problem is I need some necrons. :(

Wondering if anybody's mentioned yet that all 2nd Founding Chapters (except for a few Ultramarine offshoots) are accounted for? I don't think 2nd Founding is feasible, 3rd and 4th founding were only about 200 years apiece after, so...

Just out of curiosity... what Exams were you taking?

GoldenKaos wrote:Wondering if anybody's mentioned yet that all 2nd Founding Chapters (except for a few Ultramarine offshoots) are accounted for? I don't think 2nd Founding is feasible, 3rd and 4th founding were only about 200 years apiece after, so...

Apparently you haven't read the current updated version which where the chapter was a 3rd. Not a 2nd.

Just out of curiosity... what Exams were you taking?

American Lit
Us History Honors
Algebra 2
Concert Choir Honors
American Naval Tactics Advanced (yes it is a real class XD)
German
Chemistry Honors
Computer programming

Yeah my day is quite busy. Scored an 88% on all of them.

Asherian Command wrote:

GoldenKaos wrote:Wondering if anybody's mentioned yet that all 2nd Founding Chapters (except for a few Ultramarine offshoots) are accounted for? I don't think 2nd Founding is feasible, 3rd and 4th founding were only about 200 years apiece after, so...

Apparently you haven't read the current updated version which where the chapter was a 3rd. Not a 2nd.

Hence the phrase 'wondering if anybody's mentioned...' - implying that I was not aware and simply asking on the off-chance the issue had not been addressed. It might be an idea to update the first post to reflect the current status of the fluff of course, just so that a summary is easy to locate.

GoldenKaos wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

GoldenKaos wrote:Wondering if anybody's mentioned yet that all 2nd Founding Chapters (except for a few Ultramarine offshoots) are accounted for? I don't think 2nd Founding is feasible, 3rd and 4th founding were only about 200 years apiece after, so...

Apparently you haven't read the current updated version which where the chapter was a 3rd. Not a 2nd.

Hence the phrase 'wondering if anybody's mentioned...' - implying that I was not aware and simply asking on the off-chance the issue had not been addressed. It might be an idea to update the first post to reflect the current status of the fluff of course, just so that a summary is easy to locate.

Yeah planning on doing that once the big portion of the lore is done. Like the history.

A while back I saw you made rules for one of your chapters special characters, what was that for? they weren't tournament legal right?

do you hear the voices to wrote:A while back I saw you made rules for one of your chapters special characters, what was that for? they weren't tournament legal right?

They are tournament legal after I edited them which deboosted his abilities. And made him kinda not worth taking.
IT was for Calnor. I plan on changing it so that you would rather want to keep at range combat.


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Plus why no one comment on my Incidents or battles in the ghoul stars I spent alot of time writing those :(

Like 3 days of research and writing, and editing.

Next week I am planning adding the Culture and Traditions and an Update to the Storm Crusaders Libarius.

This is seriously intriguing, where are the standards for character creation? Was there a template that you are supposed to use?

And to stay on topic, you're chapter is really coming together. The amount of effort you put in is very admirable!

do you hear the voices to wrote:This is seriously intriguing, where are the standards for character creation? Was there a template that you are supposed to use?

And to stay on topic, you're chapter is really coming together. The amount of effort you put in is very admirable!

Thank you Believe it or not I was sick for three weeks at school one time and had nothing to do so I did this!
But not there is no template except on Marik Law's Chapter Creator which has a standard template for making your heroes. Which is unoffical. It is not tournament legal anymore (Just checked)

BTW I am planning on changing the name of the Alpha Squadron to Delta Squadron. As it seems It sounds like Alpha Legion.

Also here is a few Deviations
The Storm Crusaders train extensively with plasma weaponry and have been noted in knowing and sensing when a plasma weapon is about to overheat. The chapter regularly also trains their Templars who have not joined close combat units in heavy weapons. Those Devastators that showed skill beyond measure have been given honors in the Veteran Companies as Veteran Devastators. The entire squad is also known to sometimes have sternguard units attached to these units to provide support to these veterans. The Crusaders are known to be completely stubborn in sieges and also for taking enemy fortresses with little resistance from the Crusaders. Usually they pummeling of tanks and a large number of Devastators has made the chapter stronger and more cautious in sieges and defenses. Ever since the Crusaders have accepted the Codex Ignatus as their tactical infuser and their organization. The Crusaders then also arrange themselves into counter striking units if the time occurs, being tactically flexible during sieges and also defenses.
The Griminar Campagin Outcome (Final Hours)
Grimnar is a Hive System which is known to hold a large amount of production areas and a supporter of many Imperial Guard Regiments, originally planned to quell a small Chaos Force. The Repentors Chapter a chapter who have strong ties to the inquisition sent for aid as they were attacked by a new foe. The Tyranids. The Storm Crusaders, The Wanderer's Destroyer Cell, the Cadian 159th, the Blood Legion, a Dark Angel Strike Force, a Imperial Fist Strike force and a Scout Titan Legion responded.
The Coming Months of battle made even the Storm Crusaders bring in 3 entire companies, in addition to Captain Loken's 10th company. Including the 1st company. This hive fleet had similar tactics to the hive fleet that attacked Maccrage home of the Ultramarines. But instead it possessed creatures never before seen. These titanic Beasts were reminiscent of the Creatures the Crusaders had fought 3,000 years ago and had thought completely destroyed. The Storm Crusaders were not given overall command of the Campaign Sadly. Instead the Repentors took control of the Campagin. Which Angered the Grand Templar of the Storm Crusaders. Calnor Alrnia seeing that the young captain was going to let the entire imperial forces die.
Calnor was ordered to hold the Starports along with the Imperial Fist's Strike Force lead by a Newer Captain of the Imperial Fists Strike Force. The Crusaders and the Imperial Fists both of which were defense experts made the star port an extreme strong point. Though sadly the Captain of the Repentors had misplaced his main siege and defense experts in with the crusaders and the Imperial Fists. Which made the Starport a fixture of defense making it less likely to be targeted. Unlike the primary defense was located in the Center of the Hive City. Which was also guarded by the 1st company who had be assigned there against the wishes of the Captain of the Repentors.
The 1st company Captain Navious the champion of the Storm Crusaders took his company and spread it among the buildings of the government district of the hive city. Protecting the leaders of the Hive city and it's adeptus Artibtes forces who were gathering their forces to defeat an incursion.
The Repentors fought bravely at the entrances of the Grimnar Hive City but were completely overwhelmed the Captain of the Repentors retreated to the Government sector along with the remants of his company abandoning the fortress gates. Upon discovery of other imperial forces. Thinking the Dark Angels had managed to retreat found the Storm Crusaders first company veteran Devastator squads preparing Conversion Beamer emplacements and thunder-fire cannons to defend against the tyranid swarms. As hours before a tech-marine squad had deployed to support the 1st company. A gift from the Wanderers Chapter. The Destroyer cell deployed itself. The Captain sense betrayal as the Crusaders manned their stations against the tyranid's. As the captain saw the Symbol of the Crusaders. The Repentor Captain wished to speak to the Captain of the 1st company arguing that they had disobeyed orders. Navious was forced to quell the Captain by making the Captain go unconscious with a blow to the head. The Repentor's Company seeing outrage raised their weapons to kill Captain Navious and his command squad before being told to turn the weapons upon the tyranid swarm by an Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos.
The Ordo Xenos Inquisitor gave overall command of the campaign to himself as he led the defense of the hive city government center. Though sadly his efforts where in vain where the captain of the repentors mistake of retreating made them the center of the campaign.
With the Griminar campaign heading towards a grim end, the Storm Crusaders were noted as being one of the few last surviving Imperial Forces that survived the entire assault by a tyranid Hive Fleet having fought for days against the Tyranids taking ammo of fallen brethren of other chapters and using it against the Tyranids also comandeering a land raider of the Repentors chapter after its crew was slaughtered whilst on patrol. The Storm Crusaders defended a starport filled with hundreds of civilians and PDF forces who had made their way there during the grimnar campagin. Calnor Alrnia along with the Imperial Fist Captain used their forces to detain the Tyranid Swarm long enough until the Storm Crusader Redeemption Crusade arrived along with the Repentors and the Black Juggernauts fleets.
While the Crusaders main battle companies fought against the Tyranids at the Starport. The 1st Captain Navious was desperately fighting with his first company against the tyranid swarm. Just hours before the Dark angels strike force had been taken from its full compliment of 70 Astartes to 12. Including the death of their captain. The Wanderer's Destroyer Cell had lost two entrenchment lines. and were falling back to the captial. But News worsened as Reports of the Captain of the Repentors was killed by friendly fire whilst in a firefight with a commissar and his imperial guard platoon. The Repentors had retreated towards the fallback point while the Storm Crusaders first company were completely surrounded along with the Cadian regiment and Scout Titan Legion. The First Company seeing that if they held they would somehow survive took their terminator squad and deployed it among the Titans offering support for the titan's against the tyranid Carnifexs. With each passing moment Navious was delaying the Tyranid swarms. He himself having killed a Tyranid Tyrant Lord. Knowing the Weakness of the Tyranids his Devastator's Were specifically Targeting Synpase Creatures. To effectively eliminate the Tyranid structure. All seemed to work till the Biotitans attacked. Destroying the last Warhound, which caused the Captain Navious to order a tacitical withdrawal to the Administratum Building. The Ordo Xenos Inqusitior Himself having suffered many wounds was recovering in the Admisitraum building. Captain Navious along with the Wanderer's Angel Priest took the remaining forces and blockaded the entrances. And used the lascannons and remaining conversion beamers to destroy the Heriophants. They were successful felling many and killing hundreds of synapse creatures. This helped to stall the Tyranid forces until reinforcements arrived.
With at least 3 companies at his command Calnor Alrnia had arranged his defenses to repel any tyranid swarms back. Using the Repentor's Land Raider Terminus Ultra Destiny against the Tyranid Heriophant they were able to successfully fell the beasts and save the starport inhabitants, though the 4 companies of the Crusaders along with the First company who had also been sent took heavy causalities as a result. (Which was then quickly replenished. Surprisingly quicker than thought) Though the Storm Crusaders still hold a loose relationship with the Repentors after their Captain mysteriously was shot by a bolter shell. Persumed friendly fired in the firefights. The Remaining Repentors a veteran squad of terminators where all that remained of the inital force that had deployed. The Imperial Forces were victorious but at a heavy cost. The Storm Crusaders and the Black Juggernauts where then called off from the system when a Xenos Empire began to attack the Worlds of Terios and Delina (Fringe World Fortresses)
The 1st company of the Storm Crusaders stayed behind to ensure they found all of their brothers that had been slain in the Campaign. Those who had been left to fight in the Hive City of Griminar.

Okay folks its been 2 days.. But I have finally rewritten the entire Guardians! THEY ARE NOW! Basically the Grey Knights. Different Colors, Different Name, But like the old 3rd Ed Grey Knights, With an alternative Color Scheme.
They Are not HERETICS! Nor do they have A Mary Sue Leader. I have added a few good Characters, that lack the mary sueness of their brother chapter of the Grey Knights. THEY WILL HAVE CHARACTER FLAWS! And Also they aren't perfect they do get seen, and they don't notice it. But the people that see it write it down and say something different. (which will be explained)
This lore is Highly Experimental but it is Better than the pervious lore of the Storm Crusader's Grey Knights (Basically) Company of Pyskers that were super uber l33t and they all had gold armor and looked exactly like the Custodes (But I will still use the models from Scribor but paint them like the same ones. There will not be Grand Guardians though acting like Vulkan Hes'tan.)
Now onto business affairs.....

RETCONNED OUT OF EXISTANCE!


So far collected (Pathetic amount of 40 Guardians)

Asherian Command wrote:

Ulthanashville wrote:

English Assassin wrote:Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

Yeah Asherian, remember that your fluff must be at the same lofty standards set by GW's official codex writers.

So over the top, Probably bad and controversial?

But the thing is it is disclipined I have followed the complaints and I have gotten rid of alot of stuff. Now English Assassin, I am not some new guy that has just gotten into the hobby please understand that.
The new stuff I have written and researched upon and It seems fitting, if you yourself do not like it because of the OTT then you should read the Grey Knight codex. This warhammer 40k anything and everything is over the top.

No mate, you're missing the point.

To take the Grey Knights as an example:

The Grey Knights theme: Knights in Space who fight demons, and are psykers.

You can do the same with any army.

The Ork theme: Crazy hordes of wacky orks in space.

The Imperial Guard: Hordes of men and low tech tanks

Sisters of Battle: Nuns with guns,

You see? The over-riding theme of any army can be summarised in a single sentence. Whats your theme? Because despite reading through your posts, I'm still not getting it.

Work out what that single-sentence theme is, the CORE of your background, and then go from there.

The Guardians are Mary Sue...

purplefood wrote:The Guardians are Mary Sue...

DAMN!

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:The Guardians are Mary Sue...

DAMN!

Dude Grey Knight gene-seed?
Nothing you could have added afterwards would have made it non-Mary Sue...

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:The Guardians are Mary Sue...

DAMN!

Dude Grey Knight gene-seed?
Nothing you could have added afterwards would have made it non-Mary Sue...

Yeah I know >.>
I really can't add anything that would make them less mary sue. Either that or I make them a regular chapter with only pyskers but I really don't like the idea of people that look identical in structure to the Thousand Sons running around.
I might lower the amount they have though.

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:The Guardians are Mary Sue...

DAMN!

Dude Grey Knight gene-seed?
Nothing you could have added afterwards would have made it non-Mary Sue...

Yeah I know >.>
I really can't add anything that would make them less mary sue. Either that or I make them a regular chapter with only pyskers but I really don't like the idea of people that look identical in structure to the Thousand Sons running around.
I might lower the amount they have though.

Why not just scrap the idea ll-together but say they have an increased number of psykers but instead of revering them they fear/hate them and the psykers are the social outcasts inthe chapter...

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:The Guardians are Mary Sue...

DAMN!

Dude Grey Knight gene-seed?
Nothing you could have added afterwards would have made it non-Mary Sue...

Yeah I know >.>
I really can't add anything that would make them less mary sue. Either that or I make them a regular chapter with only pyskers but I really don't like the idea of people that look identical in structure to the Thousand Sons running around.
I might lower the amount they have though.

Why not just scrap the idea ll-together but say they have an increased number of psykers but instead of revering them they fear/hate them and the psykers are the social outcasts inthe chapter...

That spot is already filled by the firebirds. (Social Outcasts, Outcasts, Criminals within the chapter, Pentience Crusaders)
Yeah scrapping the whole idea sounds like a good idea. I've wanted to keep their pysker numbers down. But I could make them part of another chapter that is not the Storm Crusaders. Like the Phoenix Knights. Increased amount of Pyskers. (Realtively same size, different color scheme, larger strike forces, less braggy, hates devastator squads etc.)
Maybe I should use that chapter instead. As they are basically a chapter formed from a unknown geneseed (Non-traitor) I just need to write down who they are.


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Kaldor wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

Ulthanashville wrote:

English Assassin wrote:Now, they are your chapter, and you can write what you want, but if you want others to take what you have written seriously, you really need to start exercising more creative discipline.

Yeah Asherian, remember that your fluff must be at the same lofty standards set by GW's official codex writers.

So over the top, Probably bad and controversial?

But the thing is it is disclipined I have followed the complaints and I have gotten rid of alot of stuff. Now English Assassin, I am not some new guy that has just gotten into the hobby please understand that.
The new stuff I have written and researched upon and It seems fitting, if you yourself do not like it because of the OTT then you should read the Grey Knight codex. This warhammer 40k anything and everything is over the top.

No mate, you're missing the point.

To take the Grey Knights as an example:

The Grey Knights theme: Knights in Space who fight demons, and are psykers.

You can do the same with any army.

The Ork theme: Crazy hordes of wacky orks in space.

The Imperial Guard: Hordes of men and low tech tanks

Sisters of Battle: Nuns with guns,

You see? The over-riding theme of any army can be summarised in a single sentence. Whats your theme? Because despite reading through your posts, I'm still not getting it.

Work out what that single-sentence theme is, the CORE of your background, and then go from there.

Wait have you read the new lore?
It clearly states they are very much like the Knights of Normandy.


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purplefood wrote:

Nemesor wrote:how'd your exam go?

only 3? thats 3 per 1000 spez mehrens and you hav what 3.5k of them? you could have 10.5 battle barges

Each Battle Barge can IIRC just about manage an entire chapter.
Though i could be wrong about that.

Battle Barges can hold up to 300 Astartes.

Asherian Command wrote:
Wait have you read the new lore?
It clearly states they are very much like the Knights of Normandy

Yeah, but it's still too confusing and confused.

You need to lower it in scope.

Where you were talking before about Firebirds being the 'outcasts' of the group for example. Thats wrong. I neither know nor care who the firebirds are. It's just too much extra information.

I think thats the problem here. You've got way too many ideas and way too much information. Pick just one, and go with it.

For example:

The Chapter is Psyker heavy.

The Librarians lead the chapter.

They are feared by the rest of the chapter. They rule the chapter with an iron fist, and any who speak out against them disappear.

The chapter has an increased number of librarians.

They are fleet based and are constantly searching for something.

Thats all the information you need. You can fill in the gaps with details if you want, but it serves no purpose.

Okay. Let me go over what i have added recently.

The Chapter is Massive

3 Grand Templars Lead the Chapter

They are respected by the chapter. They lead by example and those who hold the word of the codex ignatus as no more than a guideline is promoted.

The Chapter has a large Fleet and maintains several systems which they recruit from. Each Company recruits from a specific planet alongside another company.

They are Siege Experts and line breakers and their first company is mainly sternguard veterans. Sometimes being called Devastator Veteran Squads which sometimes carry four heavy weapons to battle including their normal special ammunition ammo.

You clearly didn't read my post or who I was quoting O.o

There good?

Plus that was quoting Purple food not you mate.


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Asherian Command wrote:This is a record of my chapter and its deeds and its lore. For those of you who have been wondering what my sig was talking about this a blog talking about my custom chapter that has taken my 2 years to start and to refine. This is still under repair and it is still being updated with new information. If you would like to help with the lore, that would be very helpful.

First i will start with the basics.

Chapter Name: Storm Crusaders

Founding: Unknown (Possibly Third)

Battle Cry: Fear us! For the Storm Has Come for you!

Geneseed: (expunged)Founder was Asherian Lakios a very powerful Pysker that had extremely powerful abilities.
Homeworld: Drancoris Sector

Chapter Masters: Grand Templar Calnor Alrnia and Arch Templar Malnar

Chapter no:124

Current Activities: Crusades in Armaggeddon, Grimnar, Ghoul Stars, Drancoris

Number Adeptus Astrates: 3,750

Chapter Tactics:Siege Warfare, Long Campagins, Defensive Deployments, Holding Positions, Large Assaults, Survivalists,

Loyalty:Imperial, Inquisitorial Oath of Service,

The Storm Crusaders are an ancient Chapter, being founded during an unknown founding. Though they can trace it back to the 3rd founding. They have fought in major campaigns in the ghoul stars. They are known as the “The Storm’s last Crusade.” Hence their chapter name is apporiate. The Storm crusaders are venerable warriors and fight with unmatched fury with the blade, though they are famed for their use with halbrieds. A Very unusual skill among astrates.

The Crusaders are a massive chapter and do not adhere to the codex astrates at any points but follow the Codex Ignatus, a tome created by the Storm Crusader’s 2nd Arch Templar, Malnar with much aid from his predecessor and his first captain, the only similarities are maintaining, a Libarius, Techmarines, Chaplains, Devastators, Tactical, Scouts, and Assualt squads the two are almost completely different. The Storm Crusaders have been highly successful though when it comes to prolonged sieges, defenses, and campaigning. Such is their skill with this the chapter usually employs entire companies filled with siege weaponry. The chapter itself maintains 34 companies. For every 10 companies there are in the Storm Crusaders these 10 are lead by 1 Grand Templar. In total there are 3 Grand Templars.
The Chapter then also maintains Other Astartes that form either the 15th, 31st, 32nd, 33rd, or 34th companies.
The Firebirds Classified as Criminals of the Chapter that are sent on penitence Crusades as a company. (Assualt Marines with Bolters) 31st
The Paladins Classified as the Honor Guard of the Chapter Maintain only 124 of them at a time. (Honor Guard) (COnsider to be the 15th Company)
The Reavers used to cause disruption in enemy lines. Teleport into battle with sophisticated technology. (Legion of the Damned) 32nd
The Siege Company Techmarines and specialists used to construct defenses. (Extra Vechile Drivers) 33rd
The First Guardians. Guard the Fortress Monestary gifted most relics of the chapter. And Guard the Vaults. None of them are pyskers. Only 80 of them are active at a time. 34th

Libarian Orders. (Taken from thousand sons, but different tasks)
Disliked by puriests of the chapter. Maintain only 120 Members.

Please skip to page 10 to read new lore.....

I thought I was over looking stuff.

TBH I think the numbers for your chapter are a bit high, I mean making it non codex is fine, but at that size it would rival the SW and GK, who are only this big because of special circumstances. 2250-2500 might be better, IMHO.

Also, the battlecry is a bit wordy, Into the Storm or Enter the Storm may be better.

Other than that it seems good.

I'll underline the bits that are silly

Asherian Command wrote:Okay. Let me go over what i have added recently.

The Chapter is Massive

3 Grand Templars Lead the Chapter

They are respected by the chapter. They lead by example and those who hold the word of the codex ignatus as no more than a guideline is promoted.

The Chapter has a large Fleet and maintains several systems which they recruit from. Each Company recruits from a specific planet alongside another company.

They are Siege Experts and line breakers and their first company is mainly sternguard veterans. Sometimes being called Devastator Veteran Squads which sometimes carry four heavy weapons to battle including their normal special ammunition ammo.

So we've got a large chapter (why so large?) that has a command element of Three leaders.

What is the codex ignatus? Just use the codex astartes.

I like the idea of them being heavy weapons experts, using lots of big guns. But don't stuff around with devastator veteran squads, wo don't need to know what each type of squad is called. It's enough to know that they like lots of big guns.

But thats much better, you're getting somewhere now :-)

Kaldor wrote:I'll underline the bits that are silly

Asherian Command wrote:Okay. Let me go over what i have added recently.

The Chapter is Massive

3 Grand Templars Lead the Chapter

They are respected by the chapter. They lead by example and those who hold the word of the codex ignatus as no more than a guideline is promoted.

The Chapter has a large Fleet and maintains several systems which they recruit from. Each Company recruits from a specific planet alongside another company.

They are Siege Experts and line breakers and their first company is mainly sternguard veterans. Sometimes being called Devastator Veteran Squads which sometimes carry four heavy weapons to battle including their normal special ammunition ammo.

So we've got a large chapter (why so large?) that has a command element of Three leaders.

What is the codex ignatus? Just use the codex astartes.

I like the idea of them being heavy weapons experts, using lots of big guns. But don't stuff around with devastator veteran squads, wo don't need to know what each type of squad is called. It's enough to know that they like lots of big guns.

But thats much better, you're getting somewhere now :-)

Agreed. I will. Plus I am using this in cohesion with Marik Law's Chapter Creator. So I CAN take Sternguard Heavy Weapon Squads + Counter Attack + Assualt Marine Specialists. As the Assualt Marines in thee Chapter are used as linebreakers.

But it is large because it is assigned to guard a Admech world, an Inqustorial Fortress, Hunt Down a Traitor Force, (As guardians nolonger exist), must maintain a large standing force to battle the Flayed One Tombworld, Crythor fiends (Who have returned) The Hrud, The tryanids (A new gene of them too), The Supernatural Inhabitants, The Exodites, The Dark Eldar, The Daemons of Malice (Yes malice lives here), Orks, Renegade Chapters, The Red Corsairs, Renegade Human Empires, The Quarjin (race that i made up, insect creatures), and are under the Inqusitorial Oath of Service where they are allowed such numbers and the Inqusition gets to use Storm Crusader companies for their own means. (Yes and also they are the lap dogs of the Inqusition in the Ghoul Stars)

Codex Ignatus is the Codex Astartes but more stricter in the dealings with other astartes and deals with all the other xenos creatures.
Codex Astartes was used as a base. But Organization was rewritten

Plus Ranks are different names
It is the Codex Astartes just different terms, different organization. Plus only 4 others follow the codex Ignatus. (2 of them were destroyed sadly)

Big guns indeed. I love big guns. I just need to incorporate it into my army. I actually lack Assault marines in my current army lists and same with vanguard veterans. (Though the wanderers do too, but they have a different special rule)

TBH I think the numbers for your chapter are a bit high, I mean making it non codex is fine, but at that size it would rival the SW and GK, who are only this big because of special circumstances. 2250-2500 might be better, IMHO.

Also, the battlecry is a bit wordy, Into the Storm or Enter the Storm may be better.

Other than that it seems good.

No. They have been cutdown enough as it is. They are in the most dangerous area in the entire imperium. The Ghoul Stars require ALOT OF ASTARTES!
Read the Ghoul Stars and you will see why they are so bad it makes the Tau threat look like a good case of the common cold.

2250-2500 is crazy low for this chapter as they have to deal with 50x more threats. Many people have commented that it is a good amount now. Not the crazy amount of 6,000.
It is 3,765. This includes every single person in the chapter. I am not counting serfs though. Because that number would rival that of an entire imperial guard regiment. They are spread out along the borders.

And No I will not change the Battlecry. Fear us! FOR THE STORM HAS COME FOR YOU!
Plus that is as long as the Dark Angels Battlecry too. I am aiming for an Imperial Fist DELETED FROM RECORDS look to them.
I have hinted mostly to them. And I facepalm when people think that the chapter is descended from the Dark Angels.....

Asherian Command wrote:
Agreed. I will. Plus I am using this in cohesion with Marik Law's Chapter Creator. So I CAN take Sternguard Heavy Weapon Squads + Counter Attack + Assualt Marine Specialists. As the Assualt Marines in thee Chapter are used as linebreakers.

Yeah, but we don't need to know about all that. People can only absorb so much information, and explaining the detailed inner workings of the chapter takes up room, time and effort that could be better used and makes people less likely to read anything.

But it is large because it is assigned to guard a Admech world, an Inqustorial Fortress, Hunt Down a Traitor Force, (As guardians nolonger exist), must maintain a large standing force to battle the Flayed One Tombworld, Crythor fiends (Who have returned) The Hrud, The tryanids (A new gene of them too), The Supernatural Inhabitants, The Exodites, The Dark Eldar, The Daemons of Malice (Yes malice lives here), Orks, Renegade Chapters, The Red Corsairs, Renegade Human Empires, The Quarjin (race that i made up, insect creatures), and are under the Inqusitorial Oath of Service where they are allowed such numbers and the Inqusition gets to use Storm Crusader companies for their own means. (Yes and also they are the lap dogs of the Inqusition in the Ghoul Stars)

Woah, woah woah! Thats WAY too much. Pick one, maybe two. Mystery is always nice, so you could have them on a secret mission for some reason or another. None of that really explains away the size, either. The Inquisition ignoring their size is... iffy.

Codex Ignatus is the Codex Astartes but more stricter in the dealings with other astartes and deals with all the other xenos creatures.
Codex Astartes was used as a base. But Organization was rewritten

Drop this all together. It adds nothing to the character of the chapter. Just use the codex astartes.

No. They have been cutdown enough as it is. They are in the most dangerous area in the entire imperium. The Ghoul Stars require ALOT OF ASTARTES!
Read the Ghoul Stars and you will see why they are so bad it makes the Tau threat look like a good case of the common cold.

2250-2500 is crazy low for this chapter as they have to deal with 50x more threats. Many people have commented that it is a good amount now. Not the crazy amount of 6,000.
It is 3,765. This includes every single person in the chapter. I am not counting serfs though. Because that number would rival that of an entire imperial guard regiment. They are spread out along the borders.

This is part of what people are talking about when they say the chapter is Mary Sue. Why so many threats and only a single chapter? If someone decided the Ghoul Stars needed pacification, they would NOT send singe chapter, then make that chapter into a super chapter. They would simply send a larger Imperial strike force. Several chapters, or contingents thereof, plus Navy and IG support, on a long term crusade.

It makes no sense that your chapter is the only significant fighting force in the area. Even if they were, you should not use that as an excuse to blow their numbers out by so much. Maybe they provide much needed support to other Imperial forces in the area, and that is why the Inquisition chooses to tread softly with regard to their size, but even then only blow the numbers out a bit. 1500 to 2000 sounds about right.

Nearly four thousand is just silly.

Asherian Command wrote:Wait have you read the new lore?
It clearly states they are very much like the Knights of Normandy

I think you may need to make that rather more clear, since I'm really not getting an impression of dark age knights from what you've written.

Kaldor wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:
Agreed. I will. Plus I am using this in cohesion with Marik Law's Chapter Creator. So I CAN take Sternguard Heavy Weapon Squads + Counter Attack + Assualt Marine Specialists. As the Assualt Marines in thee Chapter are used as linebreakers.

Yeah, but we don't need to know about all that. People can only absorb so much information, and explaining the detailed inner workings of the chapter takes up room, time and effort that could be better used and makes people less likely to read anything.

But it is large because it is assigned to guard a Admech world, an Inqustorial Fortress, Hunt Down a Traitor Force, (As guardians nolonger exist), must maintain a large standing force to battle the Flayed One Tombworld, Crythor fiends (Who have returned) The Hrud, The tryanids (A new gene of them too), The Supernatural Inhabitants, The Exodites, The Dark Eldar, The Daemons of Malice (Yes malice lives here), Orks, Renegade Chapters, The Red Corsairs, Renegade Human Empires, The Quarjin (race that i made up, insect creatures), and are under the Inqusitorial Oath of Service where they are allowed such numbers and the Inqusition gets to use Storm Crusader companies for their own means. (Yes and also they are the lap dogs of the Inqusition in the Ghoul Stars)

Woah, woah woah! Thats WAY too much. Pick one, maybe two. Mystery is always nice, so you could have them on a secret mission for some reason or another. None of that really explains away the size, either. The Inquisition ignoring their size is... iffy.

Codex Ignatus is the Codex Astartes but more stricter in the dealings with other astartes and deals with all the other xenos creatures.
Codex Astartes was used as a base. But Organization was rewritten

Drop this all together. It adds nothing to the character of the chapter. Just use the codex astartes.

No. They have been cutdown enough as it is. They are in the most dangerous area in the entire imperium. The Ghoul Stars require ALOT OF ASTARTES!
Read the Ghoul Stars and you will see why they are so bad it makes the Tau threat look like a good case of the common cold.

2250-2500 is crazy low for this chapter as they have to deal with 50x more threats. Many people have commented that it is a good amount now. Not the crazy amount of 6,000.
It is 3,765. This includes every single person in the chapter. I am not counting serfs though. Because that number would rival that of an entire imperial guard regiment. They are spread out along the borders.

This is part of what people are talking about when they say the chapter is Mary Sue. Why so many threats and only a single chapter? If someone decided the Ghoul Stars needed pacification, they would NOT send singe chapter, then make that chapter into a super chapter. They would simply send a larger Imperial strike force. Several chapters, or contingents thereof, plus Navy and IG support, on a long term crusade.

It makes no sense that your chapter is the only significant fighting force in the area. Even if they were, you should not use that as an excuse to blow their numbers out by so much. Maybe they provide much needed support to other Imperial forces in the area, and that is why the Inquisition chooses to tread softly with regard to their size, but even then only blow the numbers out a bit. 1500 to 2000 sounds about right.

Nearly four thousand is just silly.

There are 7 Chapters charged with helping protect the area.
I will not decrease the number of Astartes. My chapter has 12 scouting companies. So they are all nephyotes. So in regards to how many are in the chapter the recruits are lead by one guy, reserve forces are held by one guy.
2000 Fully Fledged Battle Brothers are in the Storm Crusaders. So the number of Astartes in the entire chapter including techmarines, convicts, libararians, command units, chapter council, captains and battle brothers would be 2,550. The amount of SCOUTS would be 1,245. (Though there are countless others.
I have to reorganize it like that.
Okay instead of the Codex Ignatus how about the book of igntaus which is an addition to the codex. But gets rid of the organization and the chapter being over charged force.
And yes they do face all of those problems it is to spread them out.
That is the plan.
If they are all close together it would be bad. Heresy could brew.
So I have made these few rules for my chapter.
Grand Templars There are 3 of them.
12 Grand Guardians. Masters of Chapter. Includes many captains.
There are 30 Captains
There are 12 Grand Guardians
There are only 4 Magistrates- (equivalent to a Chief Librarian but only have 3 pyschic abilities. Can only cast a certain ability) they lead the pyskers of the chapter
There is only one Arcana Magistrate
There is only one Cypher of Ignatus. (Master of Sanctity)
Only 1 Arch Templar that does not control the chapter. He is the Champion of the Storm Crusaders and must be a pysker.
52 Leaders right there. (aiming for 62, x 2 and you get the chapter no. )

So instead of 3,765 Astartes
How about 2,550, and 1,215 Scouts or neyphotes or trainees?
Plus scouts are just defending the borders along with the imperial guard.

If i have missed anything please tell me.
There are 7 other chapters (retconned it is now 6)
The Wanderers (Check chapters of the forgotten ANGEL theme.) (Clearly Dark Angels) (4th Founding)
Sword Templars (Imperial Fists (6th Founding) )
Dusk Guard (Blood Angels (9th founding) )
Black Juggernauts (Ultramarines) (7th founding)
Phoenix Knights (Imperial Fists (10th Founding) )
Dusk Paladins (Raven Guard) (22nd Founding)
Storm Knights (DESTROYED) (EXCOMMUNICATE TRAITORIOUS)
(Sadly no salamanders)
(Yes those are all their descendants I hate ultramarines, so I just ignore their 1/3 of all space marine chapters are descended from them, To break from tradition the area is mainly imperial fists)
Also I plan on writing about why they keep such a high number (They are basically space marine chapter killers)
heres a list of all the chapters I have made...
(http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/322869.page)
Sadly most of those are deleted. Except for the ones I have just listed, Except a few of the newer guys I have made to offbalance against eh xenos races that are at hand. They are assigned sectors, some are just there serving in a crusade (Sword Templars, Phoenix Knights, and Dusk Guard)

You REALLY should decrease the size of your chapter, it feels like you're compensating when you throw those kinds of numbers out there. It gets ridiculous. make them awesome, not many.

im2randomghgh wrote:You REALLY should decrease the size of your chapter, it feels like you're compensating when you throw those kinds of numbers out there. It gets ridiculous. make them awesome, not many.

2500 Astartes is all i am lowing it down too. I am not lowering it down to less than 30 companies I will increase the amount of SCOUTS. But the number will remain 3,765.
Of course.
The average chapter has 1,500 (Scout companies maintain alot more than just 100 its usually 400, and there are 100 other nifty guys called Techmarines, Honor Guard, Libarians, Masters of the Chapter, Apothecaries, Command Squads, Chaplains, Deathwatch members, and Dreadnoughts.)
My chapter is double the size of the theortical amount. +then some from the 'elite'. I am counting all of them this includes pentience Crusaders, I am counting all of them.
They are not large in the grand scheme of things. I am not lowering them anymore.

Asherian Command wrote:My chapter is double the size of the theortical amount. +then some from the 'elite'. I am counting all of them this includes pentience Crusaders, I am counting all of them.
They are not large in the grand scheme of things. I am not lowering them anymore.

And THATS why it's mary sue.

Theres no good reason to have them at such a size.

Kaldor wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:My chapter is double the size of the theortical amount. +then some from the 'elite'. I am counting all of them this includes pentience Crusaders, I am counting all of them.
They are not large in the grand scheme of things. I am not lowering them anymore.

And THATS why it's mary sue.

Theres no good reason to have them at such a size.

Uhh thats a perfectly good reason for them to be that size.
They are under inqusitioral oath, The Inqusition uses them as lap dogs to destroy chapters. (Of course that is a secret)
They are sent in for clean-up if a world that is not in the ghoul stars to be wiped from the face of existance.
They aren't mary sue because of that. They are mary sue because I will not lower them because i have argued this from the very beginning? Helk no I ain't lower them. If there are two other examples in lore. Then no I will not drop them.
I hate the codex astartes. I will not drop the codex ignatus Too much effort was made to make it their own.
There are alot of things I am willing to change except, Manpower, Location, Chapter Icon, The Codex Ignatus, and the 30 companies in total. but 12 of them are scout companies O.O so whats the problem with that? You all insist to lower numbers when I Have complied and made less battle-brothers. But you still insist that is too much.
I will not lower them because I have too much effort into WHY they have so many. 2,000 Astartes means that I will lose 10 companies that I have either found abosutely necessary. This means they will not have reserve companies AT ALL. That is a dumb idea, THEY ARE CONSTANTLY campagining. They are not some bastard child of the Ultramarines. They are unknown geneseed, and a third founding chapter. I will not follow the codex at all. All doctrines I have changed. Helk my army is proof of this.
This isn't mary sue if they are constantly at war, and they have a noble culture which I am in the process of developing. I have always found that 3,000 Astartes are necessary.
Plus I am using theortical numbers. Every chapter has around 1,200 - 1,500 In numbers in their chapter. I am double the amount. I am not claiming they are the best, But they do have alot of them because their numbers are constantly threatened BY HOW MANY THREATS THERE ARE.
Don't believe me read about the ghoul stars. The entire area is a threat.
IT is the worst part of the imperium.
HELK LEXI even says that it is the most dangerous area.
It has alot of unknown aliens and unknown creatures and unknown empires. Of course the aliens make other threats looks null if they were ever released from their confinement.
The Storm Crusaders also have to protect the Admech Forgeworld which produces alot of important things, like titans, power armor, terminator armor and even land raiders. But the demand for such is so high that the Storm Crusaders have to send a small squad to help guard the Admech group that performs the drop off. That seems highly likely and very pausiable. Of course those Storm Crusaders are most likely Techmarines.

The Storm Crusaders have found the codex Astartes to be ineffective against certain races they have faced. So they have dropped it and redid with the codex ignatus. It is a tomb of all tactics, doctrines, organization, culture, history, and rules of the Storm Crusaders. They follow it because that is the deal. They Signed a pact with the inqusition.
I am sorry kaldor but I have stated that several times in this thread. Noted 12 times. And people usually say that makes sense.
Now if your refusing and are not letting me write it down that is all your fault.

Notice how you've made them the size of 1/2 the entire Black Templar warmachine?

At least explain why you NEED them to be this big?

im2randomghgh wrote:Notice how you've made them the size of 1/2 the entire Black Templar warmachine?

At least explain why you NEED them to be this big?

Yep. That was the plan.

Plus 3000 is a good number.

Also because the points i have made.

Myself wrote:
THEY ARE CONSTANTLY campagining.
They are sent in for clean-up if a world that is not in the ghoul stars to be wiped from the face of existence.
They face threats that make mockery of other threats.
They had to face the nightmare which destroyed 10 entire chapters.
They have to maintain a large standing Army of Astartes because they have to deal with long strenous campagins that would destroy ENTIRE chapters. (Griminar campagin)
They are constantly attacked by the Necrons
Read this http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ghoul_Stars

The Ghoul Stars are a desolate region of space1-p44 located in the extreme northeast of the galaxy and consisted of worlds lit by the cold rays of dying suns.5-p15 It is known as a feared area of void-space located in the northern part of the Ultima Segmentum. The Iquathan Deeps and the world of Orask is situated near the Ghoul Stars.6-p79 It is known that no expedition has ever returned from the Ghoul Stars.1-p44

Among the Xeno populations within this area were the Cythor Fiends1-p44 along with other creatures out of primal nightmare such as Togoran Bloodreeks along with other creatures so alien as if they were supernatural.5-p15 This region of space was once home to a number of Human inhabited worlds. However, an ancient threat is believed to be responsible for the destruction of these planets and accounted for the large number of formerly human inhabited Dead Worlds.3-118 The inhabitants of the Ghoul Stars have been described as being supernatural and pose a threat to the galaxy.4-p26 Among the most horrifying of threats native to this area of space is the Necron Bone Kingdom of Drazak.5-p15

In circa late M34, a great threat from the Ghoul Stars referred to as the Pale Wastings after the Nova Terra Interregnum is known in the records of the Imperium. What few records remain of this event is that this threat as both a "Star-spawned plague" that swept across many worlds and as "Nightmare engines" that slaughtered entire sectors. The Novamarines along with eleven other Chapters were dispatched to combat this menace in what was believed to be an apocalyptic struggle. Among the only survivors were the Novamarines with the others being lost though the only evidence of this in later years was an ancient stelae located in the Imperial Palace on Terra itself that refers to the bravery of the Chapter.3-p118

In 601.390.M38, the Marines Errant Space Marines entered into the Covenant of Ecale with the legendary Sia'hadn Ecale of the Rogue Trader House of Ecale. Between this point and until 433.M38, the entire weight of the Chapter was added to the Rogue Trader's own army that went on a voyage of war and exploration into the Ghoul Stars that lasted more than forty years.3-p76 In 977.M41, an Eastern splinter of the Tyranid Hive Fleet passed through this region where it became disorientated and twisted before heading towards the Orask system.6-p79

Upon his appointment as High Marshal, Helbrecht of the Black Templars is known to had led a Crusade in 989.M41 against the Cythor Fiends that resided within the Ghoul Stars. Within the span of eight years, the xeno populations of the outlying systems had been exterminated whereupon the Crusade pushed to the alien homeworld. However, upon reaching the core systems, the Black Templars discovered them to be empty with no trace of the aliens found. Before the mystery could be fully investigated, the Black Templars were called to aid Armageddon that was being besieged by the Orks.1-p44

The Death Spectres Chapter are known to maintain a constant vigil over the Ghoul Stars in ensuring that the menace posed by its inhabitants do not threaten the galaxy again.4

As you can see there are ALOT OF threats.
Tyranids
Necrons
Also the Area is very unreliable for warp travel so each world has to maintain a company of marines to help protect it because it could take months, weeks, or years for aid to arrive.
The Astronimicon is at its breaking point in this region. (lexi)

Asherian Command wrote:Uhh thats a perfectly good reason for them to be that size...

Really, not it's not.

All I'm getting is the impression that you really want them to be so big, and then make up half-cooked reasons to justify it.

Why are they in the Ghoul Stars? Why doesn't the Imperium send an entire battle-group to do the job? Why is their fight so much more important than any other Marine chapter? Why would the Inquisition have a 'special' relationship with them?

None of it makes any sense, and is all there only to justify your decision to have them so large. THATS what makes it a mary sue chapter.

they have dropped it and redid with the codex ignatus. It is a tomb of all tactics, doctrines, organization, culture, history, and rules of the Storm Crusaders. They follow it because that is the deal. They Signed a pact with the inqusition.
I am sorry kaldor but I have stated that several times in this thread. Noted 12 times. And people usually say that makes sense.
Now if your refusing and are not letting me write it down that is all your fault.

Look, I understand what you're saying, but it's too mary sue. Really, it is. Drop it entirely to improve the character of your chapter.

Hell, you don't have to take on board any of the things I suggest, but the character of your chapter will remain boring, dull wish-fulfillment until you make some changes.

So far the only definable trait they have is that they like big guns. Which is pretty generic.

Since when does reinforcements being slow=each and every world needs a full company of marines as garrison? That is what PDF is for. You seem to think chapters are something so weak they blow away in the wind, but there have been maybe a few dozen destroyed EVER.

There is a reason the big name chapters like IF, UM, BA are still around: a full chapter is overkill for just about anything. A company is something that can alter a crusade.

There really are, to my knowledge, only the three super chapters, GK, SW and BT. SW have the excuse of being still, technically, a (rather depleted) legion, GK are part of the inquisition and get special rules due to that, and BT are extremely popular meta-wise so they get away with it.

im2randomghgh wrote:Since when does reinforcements being slow=each and every world needs a full company of marines as garrison? That is what PDF is for. You seem to think chapters are something so weak they blow away in the wind, but there have been maybe a few dozen destroyed EVER.

There is a reason the big name chapters like IF, UM, BA are still around: a full chapter is overkill for just about anything. A company is something that can alter a crusade.

There really are, to my knowledge, only the three super chapters, GK, SW and BT. SW have the excuse of being still, technically, a (rather depleted) legion, GK are part of the inquisition and get special rules due to that, and BT are extremely popular meta-wise so they get away with it.

Did you read the nightmares of the ghoul stars?


Okay I have to go extremely soon for a Practice ACT
But here it is.

The Nightmare as it is commonly known as is something so horrible it destroyed 10 entire chapters, and weakened the entire Aquamarine Chapter. The Black Templar Crusade lost half its number. The Marines Errant came out with heavy losses. (Please check again I have posted the horrible things there)
The Flayed ones tombworld again destroyed an entire CHAPTER.
The Chapter is large because it is so spread out along the borders that it HAS TOO MAINTAIN THAT AREA!
I have been trying to write the lore about this I will not decrease their size. But they are under an inqusitorial Oath . WHICH I AM ABOUT TO GET TO!
The light of Astronimcon in the area is so faded it has caused entire fleets to go missing in the area. It is the WORST place to be for warp travel.

Why are they in the Ghoul Stars? Why doesn't the Imperium send an entire battle-group to do the job? Why is their fight so much more important than any other Marine chapter? Why would the Inquisition have a 'special' relationship with them?

Would you send entire fleets that went missing and no communication came back? Space Marine chapters may be a very powerful resource but not all of them are suited to fight in certain battles. Or would you sacrafice a single chapter that is really good at defending spots and also doing the job of entire battle-group without wasting hundreds of thousands of resources. The Chapter was sent there after their founding. By the highlords to protect the Imperial Forces there. I have yet to write that in because I am still in the process of writing it. Give me time and I will do it just not this week.

None of it makes any sense, and is all there only to justify your decision to have them so large. THATS what makes it a mary sue chapter.

How does that not make any sense? They Face more threats than they should. In order to keep their numbers constant they have to recruit and expand their chapter.
The Chapter is spread along the entire ghoul star sector border. This area is plagued with horrible creatures. All of which have destroyed entire crusades.

Look, I understand what you're saying, but it's too mary sue. Really, it is. Drop it entirely to improve the character of your chapter.

Hell, you don't have to take on board any of the things I suggest, but the character of your chapter will remain boring, dull wish-fulfillment until you make some changes.

So far the only definable trait they have is that they like big guns. Which is pretty generic.

Ever read the Five Spheres? It is similar to the codex, but it is also the cultural center of the imperial fist's and their successors.
I will not make them a codex astartes brat.

Asherian Command wrote: The Chapter is large because it is so spread out along the borders that it HAS TOO MAINTAIN THAT AREA!

It doesn't have to maintain squat. Nothing is coming out of the Ghoul stars. Every other chapter in the galaxy has to spread out to defend THE ENTIRE GALAXY! Which is considerably larger, with more significant threats, than the tiny area of space your chapter is concerned with. And they do it with the standard ~1000 men.

Your chapter is not special in this regard. There is no 'oooh, but they HAVE to be so big, how else could they fight all these bad guys?'

Why is their size so important to you? What purpose does it serve in the narrative or character of the chapter?

This is what I meant when I talked about murdering your darlings. You're so in love with this idea you have about the chapter size that you can't see how bad it is.

Why are they in the Ghoul Stars? Why doesn't the Imperium send an entire battle-group to do the job? Why is their fight so much more important than any other Marine chapter? Why would the Inquisition have a 'special' relationship with them?

Would you send entire fleets that went missing and no communication came back? Space Marine chapters may be a very powerful resource but not all of them are suited to fight in certain battles. Or would you sacrafice a single chapter that is really good at defending spots and also doing the job of entire battle-group without wasting hundreds of thousands of resources. The Chapter was sent there after their founding. By the highlords to protect the Imperial Forces there. I have yet to write that in because I am still in the process of writing it. Give me time and I will do it just not this week.

The Nightmare as it is commonly known as is something so horrible it destroyed 10 entire chapters, and weakened the entire Aquamarine Chapter. The Black Templar Crusade lost half its number. The Marines Errant came out with heavy losses. (Please check again I have posted the horrible things there)
The Flayed ones tombworld again destroyed an entire CHAPTER.
The Chapter is large because it is so spread out along the borders that it HAS TOO MAINTAIN THAT AREA!
I have been trying to write the lore about this I will not decrease their size. But they are under an inqusitorial Oath . WHICH I AM ABOUT TO GET TO!
The light of Astronimcon in the area is so faded it has caused entire fleets to go missing in the area. It is the WORST place to be for warp travel.

A black templar crusade lost it's number. Most crusades=a chapter.

Also, the ghoul stars were PURGED the chapter that still guards them is a PRECAUTION.

The necron world located there hasn't killed any chapters.

You mean the Novamarines, aquamarine is a shade of green, mixed with cyan.

Fleets haven't disappered, expeditions have. Very different. I i were to explore antartica, that would be an expedition. If I were to command the US navy and declared war on penguins and sent warships to antarctica, that would be a fleet.

And it is NOT the WORST area to navigate the warp. The perdus rift is worse, the Maelstrom is worse, the Eye is worse, tau space is equally difficult etc.

im2randomghgh wrote:

A black templar crusade lost it's number. Most crusades=a chapter.

Also, the ghoul stars were PURGED the chapter that still guards them is a PRECAUTION.

The necron world located there hasn't killed any chapters.

FALSE!
They were not fully purged the CRYTHOR Fiends were purged. Not the ENTIRE ghoul stars. That would have killled the black templars.

Why is their size so important to you? What purpose does it serve in the narrative or character of the chapter?

My Chapter has alot of named characters. And That would mean I would lose those named characters. Most Notably, Tyrion, Night Stalker, Velkis Champion of the Crusaders, Captain Loken
Plus the great crusade gave Space Marines a more human approach thing. To me it gives more of a Characterful thing of that they are still crusaders looking to reclaim the lands of the imperium from the foul Xenos.


Okay I will change a few things like what else they do and stuff.
as I have said before here is another part of them....

The Storm Crusaders are known to be extremely well managed with Halberds. And extremely rare skill even among Astartes. It is considered an honor beyond measure to receive one. The Halbred is reminisicent of their founder Asherian who stepped upon the world of Drancoris he spoke the words "This world shall be a mighty fortress indeed. The Storms will not wither it from afar." The Storm Crusaders only give halbreds to Veterans or heroes of the chapter. It is also rare for a Captain to even receive one. Each Halberd or Blade of the Storm, has placed inside of it a piece of Asherian's armor. Which was originally designed to create a shield similar to an iron halo. An example of such a Hero is Captain Tyrion the Savior of Mal. When during the sixth war of Asherian he slew a Greater Daemon of Khorne with a power weapon, after his Libarain bound the daemon to the sword. Soon afterwards the inqusition took the weapon and it was never seen again. Tyrion was given a Blade of the Storm, he then named it Heaven's Fury.

The Storm Crusaders are also widely known for their tactics. Sometimes sacrificing other fellow Astartes to get the task done. This has caused many stresses between them and other chapters.

The Storm Crusaders ever since their birth have not actually had their chapter have more than 800 Storm Crusaders in any one sector at one time. The chapter has not been fully gathered since its founding. The Iron Stone Campagin which took place near the Alpha Two Quadrant or the Deltor Sector (Outside of the ghoul stars.) Saw only 700 Storm Crusaders in the Campagin. As they were hunting down a Chaos Renegade elements that were in the several thousands of members. Grand Templar Val headed the campagin. In which was very reminisicent of the Great Crusade. The Entire sector was brought back into the Imperium. Though 3 companies took serious damage.

Also to make them less OVERPOWERINGLY HUGE AND MARY SUE!
The Storm Crusaders Company Structures
The SC unlike most are exceptionally large containing at least 35 companies. Though in accordance to the Storm Crusader's Inqusitorial Oath. Their chapter is spread across the entire Obscurcus Imperial Sector. It is rare for even 3 companies to be paired up with each other on a campagin. But it is not uncommon for 2 companies to be paired in a campagin.

To maintain constant numbers the 22-31st companies are all replacement companies.
There are four types of companies in the Storm Crusaders.
The Storm Crusaders follow the Codex Ignatus which is an addition to the Codex Astartes. It adds new organization, ranks, activities, tactics, heritage, codes, law, and the focal point of who the Storm Crusaders must defend. It is very similar to the Sphere of Five created by the Imperial Fists.
The Four types of companies are, the Campaigning companies, the Reserve or Replacement Companies, The Scout Companies, and the Veteran Companies.

The Organization of a Campaigning company is similar to that of a battle company except for one notable exception. The Campaigning companies contain an extra squad. They are called Initiates. Accordingly the Campaigning Company can contain either from 100 to 110 Astartes. Most are split up into 60 Tactical, 10 or 20 Devastator (Depending on Company), 10 or 20 Assault (Depending on Company), and 10 Initiates. Each Campaigning company is also given a world to recruit from and the Lord Commander is sometimes given a title. For example Lord Commander Loken of the 10th is Master of the Crusade, this position provides him a seat in the outer council. He is also given access to all information regarding other crusaders. His position also allows him to prosecute members of the Storm Crusaders that he Believes are unjust, during a Campaign he may take over the leadership if the Captain or Lord Commander is found unfit to serve as the Leader. There are 9 Campagining Companies in the chapter. They are the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th companies.

Initiates are Crusaders that have yet to earn full membership in the chapter. They have already passed on from being a scouts. But in order to pass into a new Rank of Full Crusader, he must prove himself, or serve a certain amount of time. This is the final trial to become a fully fledged Crusader. Initiates in a tactical sense are used as buffers to ensure that the Campaigning companies are almost always at a constant amount of strength during a campaign.

Replacement or Reserve Companies are almost always paired to a Campaigning Company. They are lead by Captains that have no title or responsibility. They are organized as such... They only Contain 100 Astartes. They have 30 (Depending on company, tactical, assualt or devastator) and 70 Initiates. There are 10 Replacement Companies. They are the 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th and the 31st.

Scout Companies are the main source of recruits for the chapter. Each and every single Crusader starts in this company. There are 9 Scout Companies, each having around 100-120 Neophytes. They are rare together and are commonly deployed with Campaigning companies or are sent on defense missions in the Drancoris Sector. There are 9 Scout companies. They are the 12th, 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th scout companies. They are spread out immensely

The Veteran companies are the Elite of the chapter. There are only 4 Elite Companies. They are the Paladins who are the 11th Company (Honor Guard), the 1st Company (Devastator), the 21st Company (Terminators), and the Reavers (Legion of the Damned Proxy).

The Paladins are the very elite of the chapter, though they wear artificer armor there are only 90 in the company in total. They are rarely together but come in squads of 5 and usually equipped themselves with relics of the chapter. The paladins are known throughout the Storm Crusaders as the Masters of Combat, any one proving themselves in combat are either put into the 1st company or the 11th. Though the requirements for being a paladin are more intense than any other company, each Paladin is given the Rank of Paladin, each is given a relic of which if lost will cause dishonor to him and all the paladins, Paladins must exceed the age of 250, and must also have completed the trail of pain. This company may recruit from any part of the chapter, though they can only be recruited from Command Squads that are efficient with a melee weapon.

The 1st company are the long ranged experts of the chapter instead of fighting up close like that of the paladins. The 1st company fights with percision and with the patience of a hunter. Though the 1st company is noted in having 120 Members in total, 30 of which are Sword Knights, who are equalvent to the Vanguard of other chapters, there are 80 Iron Fists or better known by Codex Chapters as Sternguard Veterans. They also have 10 Terminators which are the Command Squad of the Lord Commander Navious who also wears Terminator Armor. The Company has not fought together until the Grimnar Campagin which saw use of the 1st company vs a Tyranid Hive Fleet in a Hive City Capital. They may only recruit from the 2nd-10th companies.

The 21st is consisting of 100 Terminators, this almost unheard of tradition was started after the chapter was charged in defeating a so-called renegade chapter. The chapter was able to take that chapter's armories and they also destoried their geneseed and also took their fleet as their prize. The 21st company has never ever been gathered in one place, it is split into squads of 5 terminators almost always serving with a Reserve company or a campagin company. The 21st is formed from the most wisened of the chapter those who show expertise in a tactical squad or an assault or a devastator squad are moved into the 21st company. They may only recruit from the 22nd-31st companies. The Company squads are usually used for boarding operations, close fighting, defense or focal point defense.

The Reavers and the Fire Birds. The Reavers are known to modelize the entire chapter's sinister secrets. They are controlled directly by the Inqusition and are almost always apart of the Alpha Squadron (Which is the Deathwatch.) Those who have joined the Alpha Squadron are called Reavers by their fellow Astartes as they are the chosen few that are taken from their companies to serve as a representive in the alpha squadron. Once they leave very few ever return. It is considered an abosutle honor of the chapter. Though the members of the Crusaders that do join the Reavers are given death masks, and equipment em blazing the symbols of doom and death.

The Fire Birds are outcasts of the chapter. Criminals of the chapter law, for this they serve in an eternal penitence crusade, (The entire company) for each member of the company has done something that has dishonored the chapter, dishonored themselves, or have done a horrible crime. Instead of sentiencing the entire Storm Crusaders, the Firebirds are punished instead by serving in the worst warzones, and being forced to cooperate with all other imperial forces. Those that are sent into this company are consider outcasts. For this reason, any who have joined this company have their names wipped but are instead called Firebird with a number key. There are only 100 Firebirds and they are lead by a Chaplain who oversees them, the company always fights together. But they are never seen fighting with their brothers.

To insure that coruption in the chapter does not happen for every 10 companies they are lead by 1 Grand Templar.
For Example the 1st-10th Are lead by Grand Templar Calnor Alrnia. The 11th-20th Companies are lead by Grand Templar ______ (Needs a name). The 21st-31st (Which is the largest of the 3) are lead by Grand Templar Val. To Further Prevent corruption there are 12 Grand Guardians who are the inner council of the Chapter. They are the ones that assign the Grand Templars to a task, campagin or duty to be performed. Though they do not hold the ultimate power. There is also an Arch Templar who is the champion of the chapter but holds no power over the 3 Grand Templars and their companies, instead he is charged with holding the chapters image, and acting as a Representative of the chapter.

I agree with the various people arguing against Asherian...
If there are seven chapters created to deal with the Ghoul Stars then work within the realistic limitations of those chapters.
Having to follow the Codex rather than deviate straight away.
Counter-attacks from various races/factions.
Lack of equipment/experience.
etc

purplefood wrote:I agree with the various people arguing against Asherian...
If there are seven chapters created to deal with the Ghoul Stars then work within the realistic limitations of those chapters.
Having to follow the Codex rather than deviate straight away.
Counter-attacks from various races/factions.
Lack of equipment/experience.
etc

Not changing the number. Again. instead I am spreading the crusaders out. ALOT.
I am doing the Black Templar Idea of putting them out into a large area.
So for the next part I am going to focus on how far apart the chapter is.

Plus out of those seven. That are charged with it. But they don't have the entire chapter there. The Wanderers for example only have a knight host which is under 50 Astartes. The rest of the chapter (Which is always under 560 astartes) are spread across the Imperium. Though most of them are at Armaggeddon. The Sword Templars also another example maintain only their 9th company in the area. Due to an oath they took. They are still apart of the brotherhood but have very little influence yet again they are under strength and are currently involved along with the wanderers in the Armaggeddon war. The Dusk Guard are from the Galatic south... They only have half a company there. The Black Juggernauts, The Dusk Paladins, and the Phoenix Knights are the only ones in the area. Though here is the problem, half the Phoenix Knights are off fighting against the Red Corsairs. The Black juggernauts are ultramarines to the core and are too busy fighting the Orks. The Dusk Paladins are realitively knew but they can get the job done.

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:I agree with the various people arguing against Asherian...
If there are seven chapters created to deal with the Ghoul Stars then work within the realistic limitations of those chapters.
Having to follow the Codex rather than deviate straight away.
Counter-attacks from various races/factions.
Lack of equipment/experience.
etc

Not changing the number. Again. instead I am spreading the crusaders out. ALOT.
I am doing the Black Templar Idea of putting them out into a large area.
So for the next part I am going to focus on how far apart the chapter is.

The Black Templar idea is only gonna work for GW...
They are the epitome of zeal and faithfulness.
They are fanatical to the point of ridiculousness.
The Storm Crusaders cannot be like that, the niche is taken...

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:I agree with the various people arguing against Asherian...
If there are seven chapters created to deal with the Ghoul Stars then work within the realistic limitations of those chapters.
Having to follow the Codex rather than deviate straight away.
Counter-attacks from various races/factions.
Lack of equipment/experience.
etc

Not changing the number. Again. instead I am spreading the crusaders out. ALOT.
I am doing the Black Templar Idea of putting them out into a large area.
So for the next part I am going to focus on how far apart the chapter is.

The Black Templar idea is only gonna work for GW...
They are the epitome of zeal and faithfulness.
They are fanatical to the point of ridiculousness.
The Storm Crusaders cannot be like that, the niche is taken...

Hmm So They could fill the niche of protecting this entire region instead?
Ultima Segmentum
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ultima_Segmentum#.Tx9APoHF_To
Which means they will interact with the largest portion of the Imperium. But Specifically that part of the Imperium. They also campaign mainly to reclaim worlds and specialize in doing so.

I would like to remind you, Asherian, that the only threat we know to still exist in the Ghoul Stars is the ONE necron tomb world, which has NOT killed an entire chapter, contrary to your claims.

This whole chapter seems like a silly, childish attempt to say "MY CHAPTER IS SOOSOSOSOSO MUCH BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHERSSSS!!! PWNZPWNZ"

If you can't think of ANY other way to distinguish them...then think it out before you post it.




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Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:I agree with the various people arguing against Asherian...
If there are seven chapters created to deal with the Ghoul Stars then work within the realistic limitations of those chapters.
Having to follow the Codex rather than deviate straight away.
Counter-attacks from various races/factions.
Lack of equipment/experience.
etc

Not changing the number. Again. instead I am spreading the crusaders out. ALOT.
I am doing the Black Templar Idea of putting them out into a large area.
So for the next part I am going to focus on how far apart the chapter is.

The Black Templar idea is only gonna work for GW...
They are the epitome of zeal and faithfulness.
They are fanatical to the point of ridiculousness.
The Storm Crusaders cannot be like that, the niche is taken...

Hmm So They could fill the niche of protecting this entire region instead?
Ultima Segmentum
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ultima_Segmentum#.Tx9APoHF_To
Which means they will interact with the largest portion of the Imperium. But Specifically that part of the Imperium. They also campaign mainly to reclaim worlds and specialize in doing so.

Specialize in taking worlds? OMG Really?!?! What's next, astartes that specialize in war?

+1 to Im2random
I meant filling the niche of chapter diversity.
The 'big and fanatical' is taken.
Small and fanatical is technically taken.
Go for a regular chapter and then change them based on their experiences.
They can have some extra marines with 1500 total being the limit but don't make it too silly.
7000 marines is a big force and in some cases with the right tactics defenders do not need to outnumber (or even close) the attackers.

im2randomghgh wrote:I would like to remind you, Asherian, that the only threat we know to still exist in the Ghoul Stars is the ONE necron tomb world, which has NOT killed an entire chapter, contrary to your claims.

This whole chapter seems like a silly, childish attempt to say "MY CHAPTER IS SOOSOSOSOSO MUCH BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHERSSSS!!! PWNZPWNZ"

If you can't think of ANY other way to distinguish them...then think it out before you post it.




Automatically Appended Next Post:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:I agree with the various people arguing against Asherian...
If there are seven chapters created to deal with the Ghoul Stars then work within the realistic limitations of those chapters.
Having to follow the Codex rather than deviate straight away.
Counter-attacks from various races/factions.
Lack of equipment/experience.
etc

Not changing the number. Again. instead I am spreading the crusaders out. ALOT.
I am doing the Black Templar Idea of putting them out into a large area.
So for the next part I am going to focus on how far apart the chapter is.

The Black Templar idea is only gonna work for GW...
They are the epitome of zeal and faithfulness.
They are fanatical to the point of ridiculousness.
The Storm Crusaders cannot be like that, the niche is taken...

Hmm So They could fill the niche of protecting this entire region instead?
Ultima Segmentum
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ultima_Segmentum#.Tx9APoHF_To
Which means they will interact with the largest portion of the Imperium. But Specifically that part of the Imperium. They also campaign mainly to reclaim worlds and specialize in doing so.

Specialize in taking worlds? OMG Really?!?! What's next, astartes that specialize in war?

Hi Random. As you know, I take comments into consideration. If you post anything insulting of my views. I will be forced to report you. I have been doing my best to change the so called 'mary sue'ness of my chapter and I Have been. I do not have the time to consider your opinions factual if you do not read the posts I have posted on this thread. If you have read the underlined. and bolded.
The So called childish behavior I have been committing is not factual or correct.

Please remember that I have been writing this and dedicated time to this. If you want to insult other people please leave.

I would like to remind you, Asherian, that the only threat we know to still exist in the Ghoul Stars is the ONE necron tomb world, which has NOT killed an entire chapter, contrary to your claims.

Yeah because one entire tombworld emprie is no threat to the imperium! I mean seriously 900 million Necron Flayed ones with a very large fleet is nothing compared to other Threats I mean! Its not like they don't every 3 months go out and slaughter entire populations of humans and wear their skin! I mean come on! Its not like the tyranid Hive Fleet is still that big of a threat! Neither are the hundreds of Xenos empires! I mean SERIOUSLY they are such an understatement! /sarcasm off
Hi Random as you may know I have researched the area. To quote

The Iquathan Deeps and the world of Orask is situated near the Ghoul Stars.6-p79 It is known that no expedition has ever returned from the Ghoul Stars.1-p44

Among the Xeno populations within this area were the Cythor Fiends1-p44 along with other creatures out of primal nightmare such as Togoran Bloodreeks along with other creatures so alien as if they were supernatural.5-p15 This region of space was once home to a number of Human inhabited worlds. However, an ancient threat is believed to be responsible for the destruction of these planets and accounted for the large number of formerly human inhabited Dead Worlds.3-118 The inhabitants of the Ghoul Stars have been described as being supernatural and pose a threat to the galaxy.4-p26 Among the most horrifying of threats native to this area of space is the Necron Bone Kingdom of Drazak.5-p15

Orask is something so terrifying. That if you have read about it you should know that anyone that fights the xenos from there. WILL DIE!
10 ENTIRE chapters were destroyed. 10!
And the so called small amount of chapters destroyed in the imperium's history HA!
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Loyal_Space_Marine_Chapters_%28List%29#.Tx9JPoHF_To
Please read every single entry.
And count how many have been destroyed...
There is quite a few.
BTW the Blood Angels chapter have been almost destroyed twice.... (Space hulk, and Abbaddon)
Crythor Fiends are not the only Xenos in the area.
There is not ONLY ONE THREAT!
It says specifically IN LEXIcanum that there are several hundred threats.

This whole chapter seems like a silly, childish attempt to say "MY CHAPTER IS SOOSOSOSOSO MUCH BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHERSSSS!!! PWNZPWNZ"

If you can't think of ANY other way to distinguish them...then think it out before you post it.

So the part where they are Siege Experts, make use of Devastator Squads, have 31 companies, they also under Inqusitorial Oath (Yes its possible read the red hunters.), Have been known to destroy entire chapters, Have had 7 wars on their homeplanet, they have been only nearly destroyed during two wars. Which is included way back in this thread. So your calling my claims childish huh?
So Let me get this straight. You think it is childish for me believeing that my chapter is most favorite because I made it. And I painstakingly spent hours upon hours of my time on it. And that I have biasness for wanting to protect my chapter because I think they have alot of potential. Also for the fact that you know. I have had this chapter in creation for like 8 years is you know a big deal or anything.
So you are calling my childish for believing that my chapter is the best? Hmm. So If I say that my favorite chapter is the Imperial Fists does that make me think. "OH THIS CHAPTER COULD OWN EVERYONE BLAH BLAH!"
So yeah. If you could explain to me. How that even correlates with the matter of this thread for me trying to rewrite the lore and restart alot of it. I have already done alot of things. I will not change the numbers. Plus I have lost battles and the only reason why I haven't added the massacres yet is because I am still in the process of writing them. Plus I have made jokes about my chapter. Are they my favorite DYI chapter of mine? No! They are my 2nd favorite. They will always remain so. But they are the first chapter that I have attempted with a large amount in their numbers. The Wanderers Chapter will always remain my favorite for they are the most recent and the most beaten up chapter I HAVE EVER WRITTEN! This chapter is the direct opposite of them. And will always remain that.



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purplefood wrote:+1 to Im2random
I meant filling the niche of chapter diversity.
The 'big and fanatical' is taken.
Small and fanatical is technically taken.
Go for a regular chapter and then change them based on their experiences.
They can have some extra marines with 1500 total being the limit but don't make it too silly.
7000 marines is a big force and in some cases with the right tactics defenders do not need to outnumber (or even close) the attackers.

+1 Im2random for making an immature statement?
Wow.
Yeah filling their niche is going to be tough.
They will not fill the fanatical.
But they will fullfil the big part.
I hate regular chapters I already made 4 of them.
3,500 is just an estimate. As the chapter is constantly campagining. Covering an area and their numbers are constantly going down and spiking up. They will not be decreased. That is final.
If you want me to go real techincal there are only 1,500 TRUE Storm Crusaders. The other 2,000 are untrained, and are still getting use to it and are completing the trials. For every 10 Neophytes that becomes a Initiate only 2 survive. Lets see then for every 5 trainees only 2 become neyphotes... Yes that makes them ridiciliously overpowered especially when they have such a high mortality rate.
I am writing this portion of the lore.
Especially from a different chapter view. The Black Juggernauts who are strictly Codex Astrates along with the Dusk Paladins (Except they maintain 2 extra companies because they think it is bad luck)

Hey, we all like our own homebrew stuff more than anything. They are our creations, our babies that we have seen grow and flourish. I understand your love for chapter, as I feel the same for my own (now destroyed) Craftworld.

So chill, bros. You would be lying if you said you didn't prefer the stuff you made up to the stuff other people come up with.

DeadlySquirrel wrote:Hey, we all like our own homebrew stuff more than anything. They are our creations, our babies that we have seen grow and flourish. I understand your love for chapter, as I feel the same for my own (now destroyed) Craftworld.

So chill, bros. You would be lying if you said you didn't prefer the stuff you made up to the stuff other people come up with.

Thank you for being supportive.
It really helps

Creating chapters takes time. Which I sometimes don't have. I got several projects going on at the same time that are unrelated. If you can't post constructive criticism and not post something that OP has already said. "No I am not changing that." Drop it. Don't commentate on that part no matter how much it bugs you. It really doesn't matter its a freaking Fan-made chapter, not a GW-OFFICAL Chapter. There is suppose to be a large amount of room of creativity. Yet again i've seen some people create chapters of over 90,000 marines. And I have posted saying that is way OTT.
"Oh well your chapter has 3,000."
Well Let me tell you something, I have written about each company and have used them and I am happy with the number, I have also tried to fit their chapter no. 124. Which can only be divided like this
124/2 = 62 2
124/4 = 31 4
124/1= 124 1
What does that make if you combine them apart from number 7?
124
Boom.
That took me three weeks to figure out for a math problem. There are only 6 variables that can be multiplied into the 124.
What is 6 x 2? 12
How many times does 6 go into 3,000? 500 Times. How many Veterans does my chapter have? 500.
How many companies do i have? 30 + 1 + 5 others (That don't really count) more
3,600/6 what does that equal! 600 how many Total Staff in the chapter including veterans are there? 600.
How many paladins are there? 90. How many times does 6 fit in there? 15 times. What is their company number? 15.
What is my favorite company? The 10th. how did I get this? 30/3 = 10
How many regular veteran companies are there? 3. How many original companies are there? 30.
See. I love math.
My chapter is made from math problems.
What was the final score on the one test i had? 124 out of 130. What are the Wanderers chapter no. 130.
The test was one which 2/3 of my class failed. I was the 1/3 that succeed and scored well above the normal for the test. I was in the top ten for that test.
Yet again. It just takes time and effort to put this stuff together.

Yeah because one entire tombworld emprie is no threat to the imperium! I mean seriously 900 million Necron Flayed ones with a very large fleet is nothing compared to other Threats I mean! Its not like they don't every 3 months go out and slaughter entire populations of humans and wear their skin! I mean come on! Its not like the tyranid Hive Fleet is still that big of a threat! Neither are the hundreds of Xenos empires! I mean SERIOUSLY they are such an understatement! /sarcasm off

sigh.

There is one planet with necrons. One. 900 million is a number you pulled out of your ass, as is the part about their fleet. Not sure where you got HUNDREDS of xenos EMPIRE from. The Cythor were the only large threat in the area, else the Templars wouldn't have left. There are non-major faction xenos warbands EVERYWHERE in the galaxy. The tau in their tiny little corner have like 6 species of allies.

It does not say hundreds of threats on lexicanum, because lexicanum has standards of quality and moderator that insure their information is correct, unlike this tidbit.

I counted 9 lost chapters on that list.

Most chapters have been badly depleted a few times, and have recovered, showing 1,000 marines is the perfect size.

Siege experts, use devastators (like every single codex chapter) and have companies of 100? VERY unique. Not at all like those two legions who already share that specialty.

And yes, it is childish to make a chapter ridiculously large for no good reason, simply because you want it bigger. Very much so, in fact.

im2randomghgh wrote:

Yeah because one entire tombworld emprie is no threat to the imperium! I mean seriously 900 million Necron Flayed ones with a very large fleet is nothing compared to other Threats I mean! Its not like they don't every 3 months go out and slaughter entire populations of humans and wear their skin! I mean come on! Its not like the tyranid Hive Fleet is still that big of a threat! Neither are the hundreds of Xenos empires! I mean SERIOUSLY they are such an understatement! /sarcasm off

sigh.

There is one planet with necrons. One. 900 million is a number you pulled out of your ass, as is the part about their fleet. Not sure where you got HUNDREDS of xenos EMPIRE from. The Cythor were the only large threat in the area, else the Templars wouldn't have left. There are non-major faction xenos warbands EVERYWHERE in the galaxy. The tau in their tiny little corner have like 6 species of allies.

It does not say hundreds of threats on lexicanum, because lexicanum has standards of quality and moderator that insure their information is correct, unlike this tidbit.

I counted 9 lost chapters on that list.

Most chapters have been badly depleted a few times, and have recovered, showing 1,000 marines is the perfect size.

Siege experts, use devastators (like every single codex chapter) and have companies of 100? VERY unique. Not at all like those two legions who already share that specialty.

And yes, it is childish to make a chapter ridiculously large for no good reason, simply because you want it bigger. Very much so, in fact.

You just counted lost and you didn't actually click on them individually? I counted 30.
Use Devastator Stern Guard veterans? Since when does every chapter have that? Since when does a chapter have such a large fleet they make the ultramarines look puny.
Th fleet is large. They are ship experts. AND YOU JUST IGNORED EVERYTHING!
I am sorry If I have just posted sources!
The Black Templars only aimed for the Crythor fiends and they left because they thought they had destroyed the threat. It is entirely possible because when they arrived at their homeworlds. They couldn't find anything. As if the systems had just disappeared. Read it better next time mate. You just ignored so much information. That this discussion is not even worth discussing if people just nickpick parts which they personally don't agree with.


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im2randomghgh wrote:
And yes, it is childish to make a chapter ridiculously large for no good reason, simply because you want it bigger. Very much so, in fact.

Please look at my post above yours.
Thank you.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

im2randomghgh wrote:

Most chapters have been badly depleted a few times, and have recovered, showing 1,000 marines is the perfect size.

Siege experts, use devastators (like every single codex chapter) and have companies of 100? VERY unique. Not at all like those two legions who already share that specialty.

.

companies of just 100?
Did read what is consisted in each company?
Did you read what an Initiate is?
Did you read about the Paladins?
Did you bother to read about the Chapter Wars?
Did you bother to read about how they destroyed entire chapters and plundered the spoils for themselves because they were ordered to by the Inqusition?
Did you read about their fleet?
Did you about the Wars of Asherian?
Did you read about their organization of the Library?
Did you read about the 1st company?
Did you read about the 10th company?
Did you read about how every crusading company has too look for its own recuritment?
Did you read for every 1,000 Storm Crusaders it is lead by a Single Grand Templar?
Did you read about the chapter councils?
Did you read about the Cypher of the Storm?
Did you read about the Arch Templar?
Did you read about the Paladin's Purpose?
Did you read the above posts? No. You didn't

You just counted lost and you didn't actually click on them individually? I counted 30.
Use Devastator Stern Guard veterans? Since when does every chapter have that? Since when does a chapter have such a large fleet they make the ultramarines look puny.
Th fleet is large. They are ship experts. AND YOU JUST IGNORED EVERYTHING!
I am sorry If I have just posted sources!
The Black Templars only aimed for the Crythor fiends and they left because they thought they had destroyed the threat. It is entirely possible because when they arrived at their homeworlds. They couldn't find anything. As if the systems had just disappeared. Read it better next time mate. You just ignored so much information. That this discussion is not even worth discussing if people just nickpick parts which they personally don't agree with.

Veteran devastators =/= sternguard devastators.
"Since when does a chapter have such a large fleet they make the ultramarines look puny.
Th fleet is large. They are ship expert" Since BT
And I did read it. The system did not disappear, the planets were still there. No life. That means one of the planets they cleansed before was their homeworld. I Ignored nothing.

im2randomghgh wrote:

You just counted lost and you didn't actually click on them individually? I counted 30.
Use Devastator Stern Guard veterans? Since when does every chapter have that? Since when does a chapter have such a large fleet they make the ultramarines look puny.
Th fleet is large. They are ship experts. AND YOU JUST IGNORED EVERYTHING!
I am sorry If I have just posted sources!
The Black Templars only aimed for the Crythor fiends and they left because they thought they had destroyed the threat. It is entirely possible because when they arrived at their homeworlds. They couldn't find anything. As if the systems had just disappeared. Read it better next time mate. You just ignored so much information. That this discussion is not even worth discussing if people just nickpick parts which they personally don't agree with.

Veteran devastators =/= sternguard devastators.
"Since when does a chapter have such a large fleet they make the ultramarines look puny.
Th fleet is large. They are ship expert" Since BT
And I did read it. The system did not disappear, the planets were still there. No life. That means one of the planets they cleansed before was their homeworld. I Ignored nothing.

Or Maybe they thought they did. You cannot infer that im2random. And yes you did.
You did ignore it.
And Veteran Devastators means my squads have 4 heavy weapons in a squad. or 4 assualt weapons. (yes that is legal)
Veteran devastators = extremely long ranged or extremely close used for sieges
Sternguard usually are used as drop pod units.
My chapter does not make use of drop pods as much.
They lack Land Speeders and bikes. (yeah they don't)
I have kept to that since 4th ed. I have 0 bikes for my Storm Crusaders. Alot of tanks.
Alot of unit types.
You ignored the thing above....
And they only attacked the Cyrthor fiends.... Thats it. THAT was there only part of their crusade. They arrived in the system, it didn't say there was no life. It said there was nothing there. I Have the codex in my hands. IT does not say there was no life. It specifically says there was nothing there. Implining the civilization left. They then left for Armaggeddon. And you cannot infer the entire empire was destroyed. It was left open ended. You keep inferring. I am not inferring at all. I am providing evidence.
Ahem to quote the CODEX (DO NOT COPY THIS)

Helbrecht immediately declared a crusade against the cythor fiends of the ghoul stars, taking the fight into this desolate region of space, from which no expedition had ever returned. Within eight years, the xenos population of the outlying systems had been exterminated and the crusade pushed onwards to the aliens' homeworld, but upon reaching the core systems, they were found to be eerily empty. No trace could be found of the aliens, but before the mystery could be fully explored, a desperate call for help came from besieged world of Armaggedon telling of the return of the ork warlord.....

To avoid this getting removed I have this...


You inferred FROM THE CODEX! It is the Crythor fiends they were exterminated in the outlying systems. But their homeworlds were never found. Lexi is prone to missing vital information. You can't just immedately believe that it is correct. You need to take it with a grain of salt. As with all Wiki's
There are tons of alien empires there. There isn't just the Crythor Fiends. They aren't alone in that regard. I kept repeating this too you. But you ignored that VITAL part of it. There is more than just the Crythor fiends and the Necrons, There are supernatural inhabitants, there are xenos empires. It DWARFs the threats of tau by 3,000 times over. Sorry but you keep inferring and repeating information that is not contray to my lore.
Now I will be going back to my lore thank you.

1. It was what they were crusading against, but if they encountered other xenos, they would have purged them too. For no other xenos to have even been encountered by them, it cannot be that dangerous.

2. It says no trace of the aliens. It doesn't say no stars, no planets. If so, then it wouldn't have been the CORE SYSTEMS. Do you know what a SOLAR SYSTEM is?

Also, have you considered becoming the official mascot of SOPA/PIPA? What with your massive overkill of acknowledging copyright, and the words "Censor this now." in the other thread...


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There are xenos that APPEAR supernatural, but nothing supernatural about it. Also, there are not "Tons" of aliens, nor is there anything indicating full empires, other than the Crythor fiends, at all. Pure inference by you, as with much of your argument.

Nothing there even compares to the tau. Notice how the tau repelled a crusade launched against them, featuring titans, with a single planet's defense force, which was only focused on evacuating civilians? How they curbstomped the imperials at Taros? How the can take entire worlds with nothing but words? How most of the species they come into contact with join them? How the xenos who join them are of unknown strength? How their company-sized hunter cadres can take on entire regiments of guard? How they have a 100+ planet empire, and (seemingly) divine intervention that saved them?

I am not saying tau are a threat on a galactic scale, yet, but they are a much bigger threat than the ghoul stars could ever be.

im2randomghgh wrote:1. It was what they were crusading against, but if they encountered other xenos, they would have purged them too. For no other xenos to have even been encountered by them, it cannot be that dangerous.

2. It says no trace of the aliens. It doesn't say no stars, no planets. If so, then it wouldn't have been the CORE SYSTEMS. Do you know what a SOLAR SYSTEM is?

Also, have you considered becoming the official mascot of SOPA/PIPA? What with your massive overkill of acknowledging copyright, and the words "Censor this now." in the other thread...

Actually no. If you had bothered to look. No.
1.Yes because they are willing to go off their path way into the regions that were other xenos empires. Brilliant they were after the crythor and they were clearly in Crythor fiend territory. Again your inferring that they did. They didn't. The lore does not say AND THEN they killed these guys. No it doesn't, Stop inferring that they did.

2. It says no trace. Not abosutle destruction of the race was inferred. It was reported there were alot more of them They just don't know where.

Plus this is my chapter. Not yours. If you don't like it. comment about it instead of attacking it when it is still being rewritten. AFTER IT IS WRITTEN! comment about it. I have told all of you I am not changing the amount there.
SOPA is stop online piracy act. I am against it. But you can be charged for plagrism for not citing the sources. That is writing 101 right there. I think everyone should learn how to cite their sources. Its fair. It gives credit to people. I hate PIPA I hate the things they proposed Unlike most I say provide something better than piracy websites and people will stop pirating.

If people could find safer alternatives and not as costly on their wallet it would be great.

Your inferring is really making your agruement null.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

im2randomghgh wrote:1. It was what they were crusading against, but if they encountered other xenos, they would have purged them too. For no other xenos to have even been encountered by them, it cannot be that dangerous.

2. It says no trace of the aliens. It doesn't say no stars, no planets. If so, then it wouldn't have been the CORE SYSTEMS. Do you know what a SOLAR SYSTEM is?

Also, have you considered becoming the official mascot of SOPA/PIPA? What with your massive overkill of acknowledging copyright, and the words "Censor this now." in the other thread...


Automatically Appended Next Post:
There are xenos that APPEAR supernatural, but nothing supernatural about it. Also, there are not "Tons" of aliens, nor is there anything indicating full empires, other than the Crythor fiends, at all. Pure inference by you, as with much of your argument.

Nothing there even compares to the tau. Notice how the tau repelled a crusade launched against them, featuring titans, with a single planet's defense force, which was only focused on evacuating civilians? How they curbstomped the imperials at Taros? How the can take entire worlds with nothing but words? How most of the species they come into contact with join them? How the xenos who join them are of unknown strength? How their company-sized hunter cadres can take on entire regiments of guard? How they have a 100+ planet empire, and (seemingly) divine intervention that saved them?

I am not saying tau are a threat on a galactic scale, yet, but they are a much bigger threat than the ghoul stars could ever be.

Nope and what the hell does that have to do with the tau? I said it is more dangerous and a bigger issue than the tau. Sorry. But take your tau stuff away from this thread. You keep bringing agruements that are offtopic. I am not inferring at all. That is what the lexi and my documents say. They say there are alot of aliens there. There might be empires.
I am now getting on to my topic and I will now be writing my lore. Thank you for your comments. But stop with the insulting and offtopicness make your own thread then.

Asherian Command wrote:

im2randomghgh wrote:1. It was what they were crusading against, but if they encountered other xenos, they would have purged them too. For no other xenos to have even been encountered by them, it cannot be that dangerous.

2. It says no trace of the aliens. It doesn't say no stars, no planets. If so, then it wouldn't have been the CORE SYSTEMS. Do you know what a SOLAR SYSTEM is?

Also, have you considered becoming the official mascot of SOPA/PIPA? What with your massive overkill of acknowledging copyright, and the words "Censor this now." in the other thread...

Actually no. If you had bothered to look. No.
1.Yes because they are willing to go off their path way into the regions that were other xenos empires. Brilliant they were after the crythor and they were clearly in Crythor fiend territory. Again your inferring that they did. They didn't. The lore does not say AND THEN they killed these guys. No it doesn't, Stop inferring that they did.

2. It says no trace. Not abosutle destruction of the race was inferred. It was reported there were alot more of them They just don't know where.

Plus this is my chapter. Not yours. If you don't like it. comment about it instead of attacking it when it is still being rewritten. AFTER IT IS WRITTEN! comment about it. I have told all of you I am not changing the amount there.
SOPA is stop online piracy act. I am against it. But you can be charged for plagrism for not citing the sources. That is writing 101 right there. I think everyone should learn how to cite their sources. Its fair. It gives credit to people. I hate PIPA I hate the things they proposed Unlike most I say provide something better than piracy websites and people will stop pirating.

If people could find safer alternatives and not as costly on their wallet it would be great.

Your inferring is really making your agruement null.

1. Nothing was inferred. It does not state that they ever encountered anything other than the crythor, meaning the incidence of xenos is not high in the Ghoul Stars. If it were, you would see "And then hundreds of thousands of different species of aliens which could all eat the entire imperium in a day but choose not to were pimped slapped by Helbrecht on his way to the crythor". Face it, they are NOT DANGEROUS.

2. It did NOT SAY THERE WERE PLENTY MORE OF THEM. Look at your own quote. Nothing there says a lot more. Nothing says any more.

@the debate about the copyright, it is quite brilliant we are using anonymous accounts then isn't it? You are giving credit with the whole [quote= part. Note the equals.

And the reason we are providing feedback now is that the only part that really needs fixing is your gigantism fetish, making oversized chapters because the codex astartes isn't good enough for you.

My agruement is null? Oh no, not my agruement. Good thing I haven't inferred anything, unlike you throwing out random numbers of necrons, calling a few species of xenos "HUNDREDS of xenos EMPIRES" and assuming the Ghouls Stars are infinite times more dangerous that the EoT and Maelstrom put together. SO my argument is quite valid, thank you.

AND you were the one who brought up tau.

I am not inferring at all

There MIGHT be empires

...are a more dangerous and a bigger issue than the tau...

Ouuuuu...irony.

More irony?

You came down hard on swearing in the other thread, and now you're saying "What the hell?" which happens to be swearing.

im2randomghgh wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

im2randomghgh wrote:1. It was what they were crusading against, but if they encountered other xenos, they would have purged them too. For no other xenos to have even been encountered by them, it cannot be that dangerous.

2. It says no trace of the aliens. It doesn't say no stars, no planets. If so, then it wouldn't have been the CORE SYSTEMS. Do you know what a SOLAR SYSTEM is?

Also, have you considered becoming the official mascot of SOPA/PIPA? What with your massive overkill of acknowledging copyright, and the words "Censor this now." in the other thread...

Actually no. If you had bothered to look. No.
1.Yes because they are willing to go off their path way into the regions that were other xenos empires. Brilliant they were after the crythor and they were clearly in Crythor fiend territory. Again your inferring that they did. They didn't. The lore does not say AND THEN they killed these guys. No it doesn't, Stop inferring that they did.

2. It says no trace. Not abosutle destruction of the race was inferred. It was reported there were alot more of them They just don't know where.

Plus this is my chapter. Not yours. If you don't like it. comment about it instead of attacking it when it is still being rewritten. AFTER IT IS WRITTEN! comment about it. I have told all of you I am not changing the amount there.
SOPA is stop online piracy act. I am against it. But you can be charged for plagrism for not citing the sources. That is writing 101 right there. I think everyone should learn how to cite their sources. Its fair. It gives credit to people. I hate PIPA I hate the things they proposed Unlike most I say provide something better than piracy websites and people will stop pirating.

If people could find safer alternatives and not as costly on their wallet it would be great.

Your inferring is really making your agruement null.

1. Nothing was inferred. It does not state that they ever encountered anything other than the crythor, meaning the incidence of xenos is not high in the Ghoul Stars. If it were, you would see "And then hundreds of thousands of different species of aliens which could all eat the entire imperium in a day but choose not to were pimped slapped by Helbrecht on his way to the crythor". Face it, they are NOT DANGEROUS.

2. It did NOT SAY THERE WERE PLENTY MORE OF THEM. Look at your own quote. Nothing there says a lot more. Nothing says any more.

@the debate about the copyright, it is quite brilliant we are using anonymous accounts then isn't it? You are giving credit with the whole [quote= part. Note the equals.

And the reason we are providing feedback now is that the only part that really needs fixing is your gigantism fetish, making oversized chapters because the codex astartes isn't good enough for you.

My agruement is null? Oh no, not my agruement. Good thing I haven't inferred anything, unlike you throwing out random numbers of necrons, calling a few species of xenos "HUNDREDS of xenos EMPIRES" and assuming the Ghouls Stars are infinite times more dangerous that the EoT and Maelstrom put together. SO my argument is quite valid, thank you.

AND you were the one who brought up tau.

I am not inferring at all

There MIGHT be empires

...are a more dangerous and a bigger issue than the tau...

Ouuuuu...irony.

More irony?

You came down hard on swearing in the other thread, and now you're saying "What the hell?" which happens to be swearing.

okay I never said that about the eye of terror and the Maelstorm. It is infinitely more dangerous in this area compared to most normal areas. Most space marine chapters are fight something that they have seen before. This area is realtively unknown.
Now leave my thread and stop getting off topic NOW!

Asherian Command wrote:

im2randomghgh wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

im2randomghgh wrote:1. It was what they were crusading against, but if they encountered other xenos, they would have purged them too. For no other xenos to have even been encountered by them, it cannot be that dangerous.

2. It says no trace of the aliens. It doesn't say no stars, no planets. If so, then it wouldn't have been the CORE SYSTEMS. Do you know what a SOLAR SYSTEM is?

Also, have you considered becoming the official mascot of SOPA/PIPA? What with your massive overkill of acknowledging copyright, and the words "Censor this now." in the other thread...

Actually no. If you had bothered to look. No.
1.Yes because they are willing to go off their path way into the regions that were other xenos empires. Brilliant they were after the crythor and they were clearly in Crythor fiend territory. Again your inferring that they did. They didn't. The lore does not say AND THEN they killed these guys. No it doesn't, Stop inferring that they did.

2. It says no trace. Not abosutle destruction of the race was inferred. It was reported there were alot more of them They just don't know where.

Plus this is my chapter. Not yours. If you don't like it. comment about it instead of attacking it when it is still being rewritten. AFTER IT IS WRITTEN! comment about it. I have told all of you I am not changing the amount there.
SOPA is stop online piracy act. I am against it. But you can be charged for plagrism for not citing the sources. That is writing 101 right there. I think everyone should learn how to cite their sources. Its fair. It gives credit to people. I hate PIPA I hate the things they proposed Unlike most I say provide something better than piracy websites and people will stop pirating.

If people could find safer alternatives and not as costly on their wallet it would be great.

Your inferring is really making your agruement null.

1. Nothing was inferred. It does not state that they ever encountered anything other than the crythor, meaning the incidence of xenos is not high in the Ghoul Stars. If it were, you would see "And then hundreds of thousands of different species of aliens which could all eat the entire imperium in a day but choose not to were pimped slapped by Helbrecht on his way to the crythor". Face it, they are NOT DANGEROUS.

2. It did NOT SAY THERE WERE PLENTY MORE OF THEM. Look at your own quote. Nothing there says a lot more. Nothing says any more.

@the debate about the copyright, it is quite brilliant we are using anonymous accounts then isn't it? You are giving credit with the whole [quote= part. Note the equals.

And the reason we are providing feedback now is that the only part that really needs fixing is your gigantism fetish, making oversized chapters because the codex astartes isn't good enough for you.

My agruement is null? Oh no, not my agruement. Good thing I haven't inferred anything, unlike you throwing out random numbers of necrons, calling a few species of xenos "HUNDREDS of xenos EMPIRES" and assuming the Ghouls Stars are infinite times more dangerous that the EoT and Maelstrom put together. SO my argument is quite valid, thank you.

AND you were the one who brought up tau.

I am not inferring at all

There MIGHT be empires

...are a more dangerous and a bigger issue than the tau...

Ouuuuu...irony.

More irony?

You came down hard on swearing in the other thread, and now you're saying "What the hell?" which happens to be swearing.

okay I never said that about the eye of terror and the Maelstorm. It is infinitely more dangerous in this area compared to most normal areas. Most space marine chapters are fight something that they have seen before. This area is realtively unknown.
Now leave my thread and stop getting off topic NOW!

You said it was THE worst place for warp travel, meaning more so than the EoT or Maelstrom.

And this is something they've seen before: xenos.

Okay anyway. Back on topic.

I have focused on a certain aspect this time for the lore.
I am going to write about Lord Commander Loken.
On thrusday. I have run my course today, i have taken multiple tests, finished my eagle scout conference, my life purpose and a ton of other things. So I will get onto it sometime. But until then. I will keep trying to improve my lore. Right now it is inefficent to have the so called point of no return with 3,000 marines. Well Oh well I am still going to keep it because it is my chapter and I can do what ever i want with it. Hell I could make one of my captains. Commander Star Sprinkles of the 4th company.

Asherian Command wrote:Okay anyway. Back on topic.

I have focused on a certain aspect this time for the lore.
I am going to write about Lord Commander Loken.
On thrusday. I have run my course today, i have taken multiple tests, finished my eagle scout conference, my life purpose and a ton of other things. So I will get onto it sometime. But until then. I will keep trying to improve my lore. Right now it is inefficent to have the so called point of no return with 3,000 marines. Well Oh well I am still going to keep it because it is my chapter and I can do what ever i want with it. Hell I could make one of my captains. Commander Star Sprinkles of the 4th company.

Epic troll is epic.

WAIT WAIT WAIT

Eagle scouts?

You're a kid? NOW it all makes sense. I've wasted my time on you, kids don't concede to anything ever.

UNSUBSCRIBE

Wow. I never thought saying my age would get rid of posters
Anyway I have started going through my bits book and looking for horse hairs from CSM and I found a few cool things and I have thought about giving that to entire squads that would be interesting

As much as reading all of this has been as interesting as it has been time consuming i'm gonna give up trying...

purplefood wrote:As much as reading all of this has been as interesting as it has been time consuming i'm gonna give up trying...

In short.
Nuh uh!
Yuh huh!

By the way I have too shoot down the idea of making a guard army until I have a decent income.

IN the meantime enjoy this beautiful piece of artwork!

All Credits go to John boGohn from deviant Art. Its a beautiful piece of artwork.
Next up Loken and his 10th company...

Asherian Command wrote:
companies of just 100?
Did read what is consisted in each company?
Did you read what an Initiate is?
Did you read about the Paladins?
Did you bother to read about the Chapter Wars?
Did you bother to read about how they destroyed entire chapters and plundered the spoils for themselves because they were ordered to by the Inqusition?
Did you read about their fleet?
Did you about the Wars of Asherian?
Did you read about their organization of the Library?
Did you read about the 1st company?
Did you read about the 10th company?
Did you read about how every crusading company has too look for its own recuritment?
Did you read for every 1,000 Storm Crusaders it is lead by a Single Grand Templar?
Did you read about the chapter councils?
Did you read about the Cypher of the Storm?
Did you read about the Arch Templar?
Did you read about the Paladin's Purpose?
Did you read the above posts? No. You didn't

All of that is boring, useless information that adds nothing to the character of your chapter.

Really, I know you're young, but it really shows in your writing.

Look, try this for a neat exercise.

Take a regular Codex chapter.

Now, change anything you want about them. But everything you change, you need to come up with a plausible reason for.

For example, you want to change their size from 1000 to 3500. Why do you want to do that, and what is the reason in the background for that change?

Now, before you say it, I can already guess at the background reason. They are spread out over a lage area, fighting lots of bad guys in a dangerous place. Right?

Well, so is every other Marine chapter. You'll have to do better than that.

Honestly, you can stop trying to justify it, because you never will. If every other chapter can get by with 1000 men, then so can yours. Sticking to your guns on this issue makes you look very juvenile. We aren't doing it to try and crush your dreams, were telling you to decrease their size because it makes for a more interesting and readable chapter.

It's not the plausible reason thing though...
If you're gonna make something good about your chapter then you have to make something bad. It needs to balance out.
This doesn't do it...

So maybe a source of a mutation unquie to the chapter?
Like the old lore where I had a perfectly good explantion. They need to protect those worlds at all costs.
I could think of a good few reasons actually. I have more than just the Juvenile ideas that you believe I have.
Hell the entire reason why I made it 3000 is because it is a 6 and 6/3 =2 Which is a Variable of 124. :/ I will bump it down 3,100 but no lower.We still have 30 companies. but 300 other staff and things.
1,200 True crusaders, 1,000 recruits and 800 trainees.
How about that the chapter is a Space Marine Chapter killer. They are sent in if the Inqusition does not like that chapter, so the Storm Crusaders come in, and slaughter and plunder them of their resources and scrubbing them from history. Making that very pausiable as alot of numbers would abosutely sink any chapter.
Also for very long campagins that take a decade or more to fight.
Or they could be on some great crusade to try and reclaim rouge human empires.
Or Hell they could be best friends with the black templars and just love their idealogy and took it upon themselves to follow suite but retain siege expertise (Which is rare in a chapter). Instead of focusing on fast attack, the chapter takes heavy weapons, tanks and alot more tactical squads.
The Chaplains perform a similar task to other chapters but instead they sometimes lead companys. Such as the Scout companies. Each one is lead by a chaplain instead of a captain.
The chapter has only 3 Contemptor Dreadnoughts.
They salvage armor from other chapters.
They are often very good in space warfare, sometimes spearheading crusades in the ghoul stars.

Really, I know you're young, but it really shows in your writing.

Yes because 17 is such a young age. I started wargaming when I was 7.
But meh, I get what your saying. I write quickly, Helk I type really fast. Problem with working at an office when I was 15 Thanks mom.

But I have been trying to figure out some sort of origin. I really don't want to ruin the secret of who their founding chapter/legion is.
But meh. Here it goes.

BTW I lied. I am actually doing the origins first. Here it is. I spent alot of time on this....
The Origins of the Crusaders

The Storm Crusaders before they were as large and powerful as they are today. Started out as the chapter called the Dusk Legion, they were founded shortly after the third founding. Though their geneseed source has been lost to history. They were created by the requests of a Highlord of Terra, The Inquisition Representative. A very unusual request. At the time, they knew that very few chapters were stationed in the ghoul stars and that a massive rebellious empire called the Drancorian Empire had taken root there. They along with a larger Imperial Crusade were sent to bring the Empire back into the Imperium. Even though the imperium of man, had just been recovered from the Destruction of the original high lords.

The Dusk Legion, at this time were only 500 Astartes strong, after half of their fleet had been destroyed by some unknown means along with half of the Imperial Crusade who had also been strangely destroyed. No records apart from the words “The Nightmare” are mentioned. The remaining First Captain, Asherian Gerkios: one of the last Surviving Librarian took his place as the Chapter Master and Chief Librarian, leading the Dusk Legionaries into a grand campaign against the Drancorian Empire. Guided by his visions of a possible future. Asherian Gerkios took the remaining Legionaries and attacked the Drancorian Empire outlying systems. Sparking an massive war between them and the Legionaries. During this time, the Dusk Legionaries dwindled far below their initial amount of the beginning of the crusade. He then saw a weakness which had been exploited by the empire they fought against arriving from the tenets of the Codex Astartes. He found it unable to provide any adequate ways to combat such a foe as the Drancorians. Then unfortunately more bad luck struck as the Last Codex Astartes copy, that the Dusk Legion had remaining was destroyed in a firefight between the Master of Sanctity and a Boarding party from the Drancorian Navy.

With no guidance and no way to communicate with any other Near-by forces, either having been destroyed or having retreated to regroup and rearm. The Dusk Legionaries being the last surviving Astartes in the area immediately took it upon themselves to stay within the empire and provide a forward base for the forces that had retreated. The Dusk Legion’s Command had to think quickly. Asherian Gerkios as wisened as he was finally signaled a tactical withdrawal to the rest of the Dusk Legion Fleet in a ploy to make the Drancorian empire be fooled into thinking the Dusk Legion had retreated. They waited. Asherian Gerkios plan had worked. The Drancorian empire’s fleets stationed around the Drancorian empire searching for 3 years. 20 years later the chapter attacked as the empire had dispersed it’s forces. The Legion attacked a highly populated world, slaughtering its entire government officials and its military leaders. The entire empire was struck with the realization that the Legion had successfully destroyed its entire military command and its leaders. Though they of course attacked the Legion, but the Dusk Legion retreated. Surprising the Drancorian Military.

Yet something more sinister had happened. An entire population center filled with young male children had gone missing. The Dusk Legion had resorted to extreme measures of recruitment. The ploy was complete the Dusk Legion returned 10 years later. With fully replenished numbers. The Drancorian Empire was smashed apart as the Dusk Legion lead a crusade a claiming every world as their own. During this time the Dusk Legion had seen that their new recruits who they had mind wiped before training them were created into full Astartes.

The Dusk Legion then found something even more mysterious. By some unknown means an entire fleet had appeared. The Dusk Legion not knowing who they were immediately found the full horror of the Situation. The other half of the Imperial Crusade Had arrived. But not in the guise of their brothers but in the guise of entirely new foe. The Dusk Legion watched in horror as the new threat came, the once noble imperial crusade had returned but now devoted to the Chaos Gods. The Dusk Legion forces that had also been lost were now dead. Instead they were mounted upon the prows of the Corrupted Crusade’s Battleships. The Dusk Legion then quickly contacted the Drancorian empire. Asherian Gerisko being a powerful pysker as he transmitted a message to the Drancorian Empire leader, “I know we have waged war between each other, for forty years. But there is a greater threat at hand. I oath that my chapter will forever guard your empire, but in exchange you must fight with us. I will never allow a foe such as these traitor’s to despoil our kin.”

While organizing their forces, the Dusk Legion sent their 10th company into a recon oppurunity taking it upon themselves they delayed the Chaos Crusade from reaching the core worlds. Instead the Chaos Crusade attacked the outlying worlds. Decimating entire populations and setting the worlds to the flame. The Daemon leading these efforts called itself Malkitor the Prince of Lies.

Asherian having fought daemons before knew that the only way to kill the beast was to banish it. But he himself had been weakened by the screams of the former loyal crews of the crusade. He sent out a task to the Librarians of the chapter. The task of finding the Daemon’s true name. A task of which would lead to the daemons banishment for a longer time than just trying to kill the beasts.

Meanwhile… The Drancorian Empire seeing the situation at hand, they took Asherian’s offer. The Dusk Legion and the Drancorian Navy stopped the Corrupted crusade on the world of Milis. The Dusk Legion launched their assault company into the Chaos Force’s Capitol Ship, taking the Corrupted Capitol Ship of the ill fated Crusade. The Assualt company Techmarine turned its weapons upon the rest of the fleet. Using this as a distraction the rest of the chapter deployed itself to the ground to fight the landed chaos forces. As the Space Battle raged. The Dusk Legion fought against the entire chaos forces, waiting for aid from their new allies. But for the first time luck was on their side. The Drancorian Military forces deployed, joining their allies in driving the Chaos Forces off planet. Upon the battlefield the Daemon Malkitor laughed at the arrival of his new opponent. Asherian wore the pale armor of his chapter. Asherian’s hands crackled with power as he drew his halberd. The Daemon Malkitor spoke to Asherian telling him the wonders of which he would give the Chapter Master. Asherian chuckled. His response was slicing a traitor in half.

Malkitor lashed at the Chapter Master. Asherian having knowledge of the Daemon. Muttered the Daemons true name. The Daemon Malkitor screamed as Asherian took his Halbred and beheaded the beast. Banishing it for untold millennia. The Chaos Gods themselves screamed in pain as their connection to their forces was severed. Asherian took the luxury of collapsing. And took the view of the planet. Saying “This world will never be the same.” The Chaos forces sensing their masters defeat retreated in complete disarray. Leaving the planet as the Dusk Legion forces chased the Chaos Forces off planet.
But what greeted the chaos forces was the combined fleets of the Dusk Legion and the Drancorian Armada. The Chaos Forces were wiped out as the Dusk Legion Battle Barge Storm’s Visage fired its main cannon upon the chaos fleet. The Chaos Crusade was ended in its tracks.

The Dusk Legion victorious and they successfully allowed an alliance between the Imperium and Drancorian empire to begin. The Drancorian Council then took Asherian’s offer for protection. Giving the chapter permission to use their empire for whatever they wished. The Dusk Legion having found a new home accepted the terms. And built their fortress Monestary in the Core System of Dranis. Taking the world of Dranco as their fortress.
One Hundred Years later The Inquisition arrived at the Chapter homeworld. Wishing to speak to Asherian. Asherian then agreed to a secret parely to the Inquisition. The Inquisition having seen the Dusk Legion only 160 years ago. They told Asherian that they had use of his chapter’s companies. Seeing that they had fought a war by themselves. Asherian was then told that his chapter could exceed the amount of 3,000. Asherian agreed to the terms. His chapter’s most elite would forever serve the Inquisition later to be known as the Alpha Squadron. This at that moment’s task was something more sinister.

Asherian was then taken by the Grey Knights. The Dusk Legionaries believed that he had disappeared. No one knows what became of him. But his chapter after his Disappearance the chapter reforged itself into the Storm Crusaders. Forever sentenced to crusade against the enemies of the Imperium and to destroy any and all warp tainted beings within the Imperium. Or any Astartes chapter that was renegade. They would become chapter hunters. Destroying entire chapters, that proved to be traitors in the eyes of the holy Inqusition. The Dusk Legion took the name of the Storm Crusaders, from the Storm’s Visage, and the loyal crew of the Crusader Spirit (Who had suffered a fate worse than death). And then taking the colors of Asherian’s Personnel Heraldry.
This war would later been named the Crusade of Asherian.

(Theres some bad ilk for ya!)

Just read through large portions of this thread. I admire your dedication. You really do sound like you enjoy writing the fluff for your chapter. I suppose in the end, practice does make perfect, and if you keep writing with the same dedication I could see you becoming a fair writer.

I was just wondering though, you seem to break such a huge number of established "rules" that have been laid down by previous 40k fluff. Why don't you just ditch the pretense of being a space marine chapter, and write in your own universe? You may have to change many things, but as it stands now, I just cannot "see" this chapter. You've written a huge amount of background information, but I am hard-pressed to find a connection between many of the sections. It seems as if you write what you want to write, not necessarily what is plausible for the universe that you are writing in. It has been suggested before, but you should really take a simple idea and expand upon that. Slowly, with a discernible direction. The character of a chapter is developed through careful application of stress on a few important points. As it stands now, despite the massive amount of dedication (sweat and blood to be sure) you've put into this, it all just seems rather laughable.

I want to believe! The best writers know where to limit themselves, to keep things in the realm of probability. You should give it a go.

Sekminara wrote:Just read through large portions of this thread. I admire your dedication. You really do sound like you enjoy writing the fluff for your chapter. I suppose in the end, practice does make perfect, and if you keep writing with the same dedication I could see you becoming a fair writer.

I was just wondering though, you seem to break such a huge number of established "rules" that have been laid down by previous 40k fluff. Why don't you just ditch the pretense of being a space marine chapter, and write in your own universe? You may have to change many things, but as it stands now, I just cannot "see" this chapter. You've written a huge amount of background information, but I am hard-pressed to find a connection between many of the sections. It seems as if you write what you want to write, not necessarily what is plausible for the universe that you are writing in. It has been suggested before, but you should really take a simple idea and expand upon that. Slowly, with a discernible direction. The character of a chapter is developed through careful application of stress on a few important points. As it stands now, despite the massive amount of dedication (sweat and blood to be sure) you've put into this, it all just seems rather laughable.

I want to believe! The best writers know where to limit themselves, to keep things in the realm of probability. You should give it a go.

Thats truthful. The entire reason why I am even restarting is because people asked me to do. And I really like the idea of them being in this universe.
I really can't see getting them in another universe. I could throw them in an universe because their warp engines malnfunctioned or something and they went to a different universe entirelly. But I would probably keep the Wanderers and the other more established chapters behind. I really don't know.
I just wrote a big portion of the fluff.
Why are they so big?
Why are they there?
Why do they serve the inqusition?
Why did the Inqusitior Representative request for the construction of the Dusk Legion?

Hi guys wrote this recently I will be going back to reedit it. Its just girl problems and also having to deal with the multitudes of amount of things I have to complete...
The Der Tod des Kreuzfahrers Crusade
Of all the recent events that has happened to the chapter. None are worse than the Kreuzfahrers Crusade. Later dubbed as a Massacre by the chaplains of the Storm Crusaders. Which only happened 50 years ago. The chapter has now refused to recover those companies. The chapter seeing it foolish to try and maintain such high numbers. The chapter has maintained only 2,500 Astartes. Though their numbers have dropped after the campaign of blood around 200 more Astartes were killed.
The 3 companies of the Storm Crusaders Reserve companies and 2 scouting companies were campaigning near the Maelstorm. The Storm Crusaders were lead by Captain Jackal. While on patrol the Crusaders 27th company was patrolling the area as reports of unknown vessels approached. The Captain of the 27th unwarily and stubborn as he was instead saw the symbol of the former Storm Knights. Knowing this to be a trap. The Captain of the 27th and his small fleet were annihalted save for one strike vessel which had escaped. When the ship came it told of the former loyal Storm Knights. And their merciless killing of the 27th company. The Der Tod Des Kreuzfahrers Crusade began. (mouth full I know XD).
At Least 3 Campaigning Companies answered, but were en-route to the location. The 4 Remaining companies set up a base point to scour the area for the rouge fleet. The Storms Knights as they were once known as were the only successor from the Storm Crusaders. But from some mishap the entire chapter was turned into mutants and creatures of death after some hideous experiment from an unknown source.
While the Companies were preparing the Crusading Companies were delayed efficiently putting them out of the entire crusade. With no reinforcements the companies under Captain jackal held their point. Not knowing that the Former Storm Knights were gathering in a dark ritual. The entire 4 companies gathered but the Storm Knight fleet arrived corrupted beyond measure. The Two forces engaged.
Captain Jackal lead his company into the corrupted starfortress Ebon Hawk as the sliced through the defenders of the Starfortress. Unknown to him that there was a trap ahead of him…
While he was fighting through the starfortress. The Rest of the Crusader Forces were taking positions with their fleet to destroy the enemy flanks and cruisers. And make their fleet unusable in the upcoming boarding actions.
The Fleet forces were lead by Captain Kerion a newer Captain. As he was aboard his Strike Cruiser all of a sudden the entire bridge started echoing with screams of torture. It is unknown what exactly happened aboard the ship. But what is known of the aftermath is that the entire 27th company strike craft took 3 months to purge successfully. And the creatures that inhabited it were beasts of death the bodies of the entire 27th company were found scattered and lifeless their geneseed unrecoverable by the taints of the warp.
While the chaos ensued in the 27th Companies’ Strike cruiser. The 26th meet with more luck. Bashing through the Armada of the Chaos forces, destroying an entire Corrupted Cruiser pair in the process and sinking many strike vessels. The Ship itself The Blood Thorn had managed to defeat many of its foes. The 26th company deployed itself into the Star Fortress. While the rest of the Crusader Fleet was being destroyed. The Blood Thorn eventually had to retreat as it contained a relic of the chapter that had been recently found. It retreated and was not heard of for months.
The 13th,14th, and the 15th companies meet their end as their ground forces were swept aside as they were killed by the Chaos Forces. The hundreds of Crusaders that were killed was felt by Malnar of the Storm Crusaders from the homeworld. Crying in pain as he felt the lose of so many of his brethren.
Malnar Immediately called for the Wanderers aid and both of the Storm Crusaders 2nd and 10th Companies to aid their brethren. While the rest of the 3 other campaigning companies were also enroute.

Captian Jackal and his 28th company fought in the bowels of the ship but as they entered the command centre. He had no less than 30 Astartes left.
To be continued...

I, Believe That You Are Putting In A Great Deal Of Effort And I Like What You Are Doing. Keep Going With It, There May Be Many Undiscovered Threats In That System Which They May Have To Deal With. I Would Love To See This Army Completed.

You Have Inspired Me To Create One For Myself. Thank You.

Also Please Post Pictures Of The Storm Crusader's Progress In Building,Painting And Gaming.

Thank You Once Again And Good Luck.

Asherian Command wrote:
Malkitor lashed at the Chapter Master. Asherian having knowledge of the Daemon. Muttered the Daemons true name. The Daemon Malkitor screamed as Asherian took his Halbred and beheaded the beast. Banishing it for untold millennia. The Chaos Gods themselves screamed in pain as their connection to their forces was severed. Asherian took the luxury of collapsing. And took the view of the planet. Saying “This world will never be the same.” The Chaos forces sensing their masters defeat retreated in complete disarray. Leaving the planet as the Dusk Legion forces chased the Chaos Forces off planet.
But what greeted the chaos forces was the combined fleets of the Dusk Legion and the Drancorian Armada. The Chaos Forces were wiped out as the Dusk Legion Battle Barge Storm’s Visage fired its main cannon upon the chaos fleet. The Chaos Crusade was ended in its tracks.

The Dusk Legion victorious and they successfully allowed an alliance between the Imperium and Drancorian empire to begin. The Drancorian Council then took Asherian’s offer for protection. Giving the chapter permission to use their empire for whatever they wished. The Dusk Legion having found a new home accepted the terms. And built their fortress Monestary in the Core System of Dranis. Taking the world of Dranco as their fortress.
One Hundred Years later The Inquisition arrived at the Chapter homeworld. Wishing to speak to Asherian. Asherian then agreed to a secret parely to the Inquisition. The Inquisition having seen the Dusk Legion only 160 years ago. They told Asherian that they had use of his chapter’s companies. Seeing that they had fought a war by themselves. Asherian was then told that his chapter could exceed the amount of 3,000. Asherian agreed to the terms. His chapter’s most elite would forever serve the Inquisition later to be known as the Alpha Squadron. This at that moment’s task was something more sinister.

Asherian was then taken by the Grey Knights. The Dusk Legionaries believed that he had disappeared. No one knows what became of him. But his chapter after his Disappearance the chapter reforged itself into the Storm Crusaders. Forever sentenced to crusade against the enemies of the Imperium and to destroy any and all warp tainted beings within the Imperium. Or any Astartes chapter that was renegade. They would become chapter hunters. Destroying entire chapters, that proved to be traitors in the eyes of the holy Inqusition. The Dusk Legion took the name of the Storm Crusaders, from the Storm’s Visage, and the loyal crew of the Crusader Spirit (Who had suffered a fate worse than death). And then taking the colors of Asherian’s Personnel Heraldry.
This war would later been named the Crusade of Asherian.

(Theres some bad ilk for ya!)

Matt Ward, is that you?

Kind Regards,
Vladsimpaler

Matt Ward Was It. I Bet He's Destroying The Eldar Codex Right Now. :(

Vladsimpaler wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:
Malkitor lashed at the Chapter Master. Asherian having knowledge of the Daemon. Muttered the Daemons true name. The Daemon Malkitor screamed as Asherian took his Halbred and beheaded the beast. Banishing it for untold millennia. The Chaos Gods themselves screamed in pain as their connection to their forces was severed. Asherian took the luxury of collapsing. And took the view of the planet. Saying “This world will never be the same.” The Chaos forces sensing their masters defeat retreated in complete disarray. Leaving the planet as the Dusk Legion forces chased the Chaos Forces off planet.
But what greeted the chaos forces was the combined fleets of the Dusk Legion and the Drancorian Armada. The Chaos Forces were wiped out as the Dusk Legion Battle Barge Storm’s Visage fired its main cannon upon the chaos fleet. The Chaos Crusade was ended in its tracks.

The Dusk Legion victorious and they successfully allowed an alliance between the Imperium and Drancorian empire to begin. The Drancorian Council then took Asherian’s offer for protection. Giving the chapter permission to use their empire for whatever they wished. The Dusk Legion having found a new home accepted the terms. And built their fortress Monestary in the Core System of Dranis. Taking the world of Dranco as their fortress.
One Hundred Years later The Inquisition arrived at the Chapter homeworld. Wishing to speak to Asherian. Asherian then agreed to a secret parely to the Inquisition. The Inquisition having seen the Dusk Legion only 160 years ago. They told Asherian that they had use of his chapter’s companies. Seeing that they had fought a war by themselves. Asherian was then told that his chapter could exceed the amount of 3,000. Asherian agreed to the terms. His chapter’s most elite would forever serve the Inquisition later to be known as the Alpha Squadron. This at that moment’s task was something more sinister.

Asherian was then taken by the Grey Knights. The Dusk Legionaries believed that he had disappeared. No one knows what became of him. But his chapter after his Disappearance the chapter reforged itself into the Storm Crusaders. Forever sentenced to crusade against the enemies of the Imperium and to destroy any and all warp tainted beings within the Imperium. Or any Astartes chapter that was renegade. They would become chapter hunters. Destroying entire chapters, that proved to be traitors in the eyes of the holy Inqusition. The Dusk Legion took the name of the Storm Crusaders, from the Storm’s Visage, and the loyal crew of the Crusader Spirit (Who had suffered a fate worse than death). And then taking the colors of Asherian’s Personnel Heraldry.
This war would later been named the Crusade of Asherian.

Matt Ward, is that you?

Kind Regards,
Vladsimpaler

Really, this makes Matt Ward seem like Evelyn Waugh.

the.uginator wrote:Matt Ward Was It. I Bet He's Destroying The Eldar Codex Right Now. :(

Just... what? What do you mean?

Moreover, do you really believe that every word in your sentence (such as it is) needs to be capitalised? You do know English doesn't work that way, yes?

I Understand That But I Do It Naturally, I Believe It Has Become A Habit Of Mine. The Other Section Is About It Being Rumoured That Matt Ward Will Write Multiple Codeces In The Sixth Edition Of Warhamer 40,00 As He Has In Fantasy.

Its kinda funny since I decided personally to discontinue the Crusaders as they seem so Mary sue its appalling to my latest writing skills to look at. (That was like amonth ago, now i am focusing on writing fantasy which is indeed easier to write. Can't explain it say it was magic that did it.)

Asherian Command wrote:Its kinda funny since I decided personally to discontinue the Crusaders as they seem so Mary sue its appalling to my latest writing skills to look at. (That was like amonth ago, now i am focusing on writing fantasy which is indeed easier to write. Can't explain it say it was magic that did it.)

Well instead of retconning them you should just tone them down so that they fit in with the established lore.

Here we go:
Chapter Name: Storm Crusaders

The Storm Crusaders are one of the roughly 1000 Chapters of Imperial Space Marines, and are rather unique in their organization (to the disgust of many Codex-adhering Chapters). First of all, they have almost triple the codex-standard Marines, though this is often mitigated by the fact that there has never been a time in the chapter's history where the entire chapter has fought together. Its first chapter master was Asherian, a renowned psyker whose greatest triumph was over a powerful Daemon, and this legend will be told by the chapter until the end of times. However, although he slew the beast, it was at a great cost to his body and soul. For the rest of his time as Chapter Master, he would not participate in any major combat operations.

Although their organization is quite odd, the chapter is always one of the first to volunteer if the Inquisition is in need of a company or more of Imperial Marines to enforce its brutal practices. This is a practice begun by Asherian and is still continued to this day, although not many chapters would agree with the cruel methods that the Crusaders use when employed by the Inquisition.

Aaand there you go. Of course it can use more work, but I feel that it makes for a fairly interesting chapter.

Kind Regards,
Vladsimpaler

Yeah that works. Thing is I am so busy. But I got time to kill so.
What the hell.
Thanks though.
couldn't really think of a good ending for Asherian apart from he couldn't do anything after that.