You awake in a room. You appear to be seated at a DESK. on the desk is a LAPTOP COMPUTER. On the laptop is a web forum. What would you like to do?

I'd like to know what forum.

4chan,

Now what do.

Log off.

You just created paradox (of sorts) as you never need to log onto 4 chan how can you log off?

I logged off in my mind. I'm still on 4chan. But the mind doesn't give a ****.

The forum seems to be dedicated to wargaming.

what is the fourms name

I log in and start a new thread entitled 'You awake in...' then type 'You awake in a room. You appear to be seated at a DESK. on the desk is MILLA JOVOVICH wearing a bikini. What would you like to do? ' and await a response.

You awake in a room. You appear to be seated at a DESK. on the desk is MILLA JOVOVICH wearing a bikini. What would you like to do?

I would like to do something that's illegal in Texas.

You do something that's illegal in texas. Fortunately, you're in the UK.

Milla Jovovich lies on the desk, unspeakable acts having been performed on her.

What would you like to do now?

Erm, order pizza?

OOC - aw man, i can't go on. the irony of ordering pizza after that is hilarious.

You don't know what I was going to do with the pizza.

whatwhat wrote:You don't know what I was going to do with the pizza.

Good answer.

You awake in a post office You appear to be working as a MAIL SORTER. You don't seem to enjoy this job and neither do those around you. There is a LOCKER in front of you. In the locker is one can of PETROL, a box of MATCHES and a length of ROPE. What would you like to do?

Tie rope to ceiling.

Pour petrol on floor.

Place can below rope.

Stand on petrol can

Tie neck into rope.

Light match

Throw match into petrol.

Jump off of can.

As the rope was not short enough your feet touch the ground, only enough for you to be held on your toes as you slowly burn to DEATH. Incidentaly, at this point your actions have gone unnoticed by your cCOWORKERS who are turning towards the newly arrived MILLA JOVOVICH wearing a bikini. What would you like to do?

You can think of lots of things you want to do, but you can't, as you burn to death, because you're unable to run away from the flames, thanks to the rope.

I would sit down and browse /ck/ and /tg/

BURN EVERYTHING.

Only to realize you also incinerated your computer, child, and perhaps 65% of your Warhammer collection that wasn't metal.

PICK UP KEY

I do not understand.

GRAB KEY

I do not understand.

GET KEY

I do not understand.

TAKE KEY

You have taken the KEY from the BOX.


I hate those games.

Maverick wrote:You awake in a room. You appear to be seated at a DESK. on the desk is a LAPTOP COMPUTER. On the laptop is a web forum. What would you like to do?

Go to dakkadakka "Off-topic" forum.

Also.

It depends, am I a moderator on said forum?

You realize you are not a moderator on that forum.

I rage quit the forum.

I'd wonder how I got to Dakka after Google Image searching Milla Jonovich in a bikini, then go get the mail which has a dried red liquid on it, as well as scorch marks. After that I'd go order a pizza, then wait until other people reply to the "You awake in..." thread.

But then you realize you are in an alternate reality where pizza doesn't exist.

>Retrieve ARMS from SAFE.

And then subsequently attempt to invent a pizza.

You find yourself sitting on the beach, listening to THE JACKSON 5 while being assaulted by CLAMS.

Next to you is a pair of FLIP FLOPS and HALF A BATHING SUIT.

Looking nervously at you is the ANGELA MERKEL.

You're naked. What do you do.

Invent a pizza to cover up the nakedness.

WarOne wrote:But then you realize you are in an alternate reality where pizza doesn't exist.

What kind of a hell is this?...

A hell in which your recently invented pizza clothes have diverted away crabs (who do not like pizza) and somehow seduced Angela Merkel to chasing the crabs (as she really likes to have crabs).

You are sitting NAKED in a HELL where there is no PIZZA but plenty of PIZZA CLOTHES. In front of you is THE ANGELA MERKEL who is covered in CRABS. What do you do?

Put the crabs on Angela Merkel like a topping, eat her, and then find a way out of hell in your pizza clothes.

You are sitting in a room. There is a large box in the middle of the room. what would you like to do?

Maverick wrote:You are sitting in a room. There is a large box in the middle of the room. what would you like to do?

I'd like to open the box to find some pizza, but God help us all...

You open the box. Inside is some pizza. What would you like to do?

Moving thread to chain fiction.

Eat pizza, get the missus and have wild raw adult fun

You eat the pizza. Unfortunately, it's been laced with something.

A bottle is thrown through the window.

You pick up the bottle - it's labelled "tequila".

Drink Tequila?

Give wife tequila and start pelvic thrusting

Your wife is not here. You drink the tequila yourself.

You start to pelvic thrust.

Wild TEQUILA MONSTER appears!

Fight or Flee?

WIth teduila, anything looks doable. Pelvic thrust Tequila Monster.

You pelvic thrust the tequila monster.

Tequila Monster seems impressed, and offers advice.

Befriend Tequila Monster?

Abandon Tequila Monster and wife for MILLA JOVOVICH .

You are with Milla Jovovich, Her head is a laptop computer and on the screen is 4 chan.

What do you do?

Milla Jovovich is not in the room. The secret to getting anything into the room is the box. You decide to try to work out how to operate the magic box to get milla into the room.

Realize magic box is a laptop, perform web search for Milla Jovovich.

You try to type on the box, but the keys are a tequila-based illusion. Still no milla jovovich.

Bah.... move the box to the now broken window. look out to see what floor I am on and if it is possible to escape.

From behind the bars on the window, you can see that you're ten stories up.

Wonder how the tequila bottle survived the throw required to reach the window.

The tequila bottle was thrown by chuck norris. Chuck wanted it to survive, so it did.

But in doing so caused a time paradox that made Chuck Norris become you.

Chuck norris has left the area to go pillage some more women.

You are trapped in a room with a box.

What would you like to do?

Without looking, I put my head in said box.

Hmmm open the box and take out a crowbar and 150 feet of rope.

You put your head in the box. A small voice whispers "John Sixteen Twenty Four."

look around the room.... what are the walls like?

The walls are barren concrete. A small eching in the corner reapeats what you heard in the box, albeit in text.

Maverick wrote:You put your head in the box. A small voice whispers "John Sixteen Twenty Four."

John minus sixteen is seven, so seven times twenty four is one-hundred sixty-eight...

I'll sit down, stand up, walk into a wall, walk back into the center of the room, flip the box over, sit on it, stand up, flip it over, pick it up, sit down, put it on my head, spin around three times counter-clockwise, take the box off, put it down, spin one-hundred and sixty-eight degrees clockwise...

You succeed only in feeling ill.

Curl up in a corner and take a nap, knowing I will wake from this bizarre dream in my own bed.

And then you do not. You away in your Mom's bed.

(Some kind of tactical Genius?)

You remember having read Zap Brannigan's
"How you are so like you mother, so why not score with her?" inspirational relationships book.

Then you realise that you are your mother

And then decide if only one must exist in this house, then Father must die.

WarOne wrote:And then decide if only one must exist in this house, then Father must die.

Except on the way to complete the job, you trip down the stairs and black out.

You awaken in the same room as earlier.

But this time you are your Father.

Realising that you are your Father, you spend a moment arguing that it is not true, it is impossible. You then offer yourself a joint place at the head of the Galactic Empire after you overthrow the evil Emperor. After a moments hesistation, you realise that there are no cliffs to fall down and accept. However, you are still in the room. What do you do?



Epic thread.

You leave yhe room to find yourself in a house. You look behind you to find the room you have came from is no longer a room, but the doorway to the houses exterior. In front of you is MILLA JOVOVICH in a bikini and ANGELA MERKEL covered in crabs. They walk down a hallway and walk into two different rooms. You follow them but, as you do, a midget walks by carying a gheto blaster playing Always by Erasure at high volume. This coupled with the ongoing headache of discovering you are your own father causes you to forget which rooms Milla Jovovich and Angela Merkel walked into. What do you do?

Strangle the midget to at least get the satisfaction of killing a midget. Then you BING! as some large golden letters scrawl before you, followed by some fanfare music.

The letters proclaim,

"Achievement: Midget Murderer! (10 points)"

Having mind-screwed yourself for the last 14 hours, you awake in the room. There is only the magic box.

What do you do?

Spill Mountain Dew on Mavericks notes and lap, go "looking for" some napkins or towels and slip out the back door in the ensuing confusion.

You attempt to execute your plan, but you have no mountain dew. You cannot reach maverick either, so you replace the mountain dew with your own urine, and maverick's lap for your own.

You urinate all over your own lap, and are no closer to escaping. The box remains in the room.

What would you like to do?

Well given that any attempt to use the box to aid in an escape attempt is likely to not be allowed, and given the fact that there ia a broken window and a tequilla bottle I would guess there is only one solution that could work.




Smash the box.

The box turns into a bird, and the bird then lands on the ceiling. You notice it is now perched above your head, sitting on the ceiling, upsidedown.

Then you realise it has all been a dream,
and wake up in the cuboard under the stairs (see harry potter) to find your uncle shouting at you.

And then it dawns on you....

Your in England!

Or New Jersey..... with no money for the toll.

I look down, at my feet is the box. I pick up the box and find the toll fee under it. While waiting for change, I write a word on the box.

(OOC - the box IS the only way to escape. You just need to figure out how it works.)

What would you like to do.

There is also the Constintine option. Of course it helps if you are one of the few that would be personally escorted.

The word I write is a name that I give to the box. I make friends with the box and ask it by its name if it wants to go out for a pint.

The box does not respond. However, you can hear faint whisperings coming from inside the box.

stare at the box and say "open sesame", then proceed to put head into box and see if it leads to an alternate dimension.

you put your head in the box. A small voice whispers "John Sixteen Twentyfour" repeatedly.

Again I ask the box "By its name" if it would like to take a walk with me.

The box has no legs, and does not respond.

What would you like to do?

"john 16:24" sounds like a reference to the bible, but I'm neither familiar with it nor do I know the reference. Instead of trying to figure it out I would like to load that gasoline can we had earlier along with MILLA JOVOVICH into the box while fashioning a fuse out of the rope. Hopefully the box is strong enough to act like a cannon firring MILLA JOVOVICH through the wall and providing an exit. I then use those matches to light the fuse.

Hmm given the reference and all, I would suppose the box is named John, as any other "name" would be counter to my personal beliefs, and request that 'john' provide a means of exiting this room and building that would be safe enough for me to survive and continue my existance.

You ask for a means of exiting the room. The box shakes violently.

It can not be a reference to the bible passage named because that passage states,"Ask in my name and it shall be given". The box has been priorly asked in its name and has not responded, for it to respond now is a paradox.

Knowing that paradox is a threat to the very fabric of existence, I take the box and put it into another such box. Then I set the boxes against the wall, open the paradox within a paradox which creates a portal to the outside.

...By Jove, I think he's got it!

You have no box to place this other box in.

The box shakes violently once more. The lid rattles.

Open the box (while preparing to dive to the floor in case ANYTHING should happen)

You open the box, and dive to the floor.

A light shines on the roof of the dark room, as though it was being projected from inside the box. However, from your position on the floor, you cannot see inside.

A voice whispers "ye have asked, and ye have recieved."

Ha! I know how to handle this... The volume on our box is too low, this is a symptom of the box missing drivers... someone call tech support.
Also, cross your fingers and hope it's not running linux.

You attempt to call tech support, but you have no phone to do so. Your vain attempts to contact external help fail again.

What would you like to do?

look for the door.

you look for the door, but cannot find one. The box still illuminates the room from within.

look at the walls, floor and ceiling to determine what they are made of.

The walls floor and ceiling are made from concrete. You decide there's no way you're getting through them without some help. The box is still open, with the light still illuminating the room. You are curious as to what is within the box.

What would you like to do?

Well it has been a long time and while not a pot, It is something to P*$$ in. After releaving myself, I take a nap.

A patient and industrious person can carve away concrete.

So what's in the box?

You look in the box. It appears to be the entrance a long tunnel, which you presume to be complete, as there is light from the tunnel illuminating the room from the inside of the box. The same small voice whispers "You asked for an exit, and an exit ye have recieved. Beyond the tunnel end lies pastures new"

What would you like to do?

Go into the Box?

It's either that or bash my head against the wall due to insanity.

You step into the box, and as you do so, you fall down the tunnel. you fall out the other end, and experience a most strange feeling - the gravity shifts, and the world rights itself again. You are now standing in a room with a window and a door, with a wooden floor. There is a light on the ceiling, and some stairs, going upwards. Under the staircase is a door.

What would you like to do?

(OOC - thank the lord that SOMEONE finally looked inside the box... it took half a page for someone to actually do it!

Also, the box worked as so; John Sixteen-Twentyfour is a passage in the bible, which contains the line "Ask, and ye shall recieve" You asked the box, and it provided.)

Jump out the window. If this a one-storey building, then that means escape into the outside.

If it is two/three-storey building, then at least this suffering will be at an end.

Now that EF has gone through and cleaned up the tunnel by crawling through it. I go through and upon entering the new room look at the area I just emerged from to see if the box exists on this side.

Once done with that I examine the room and finally walk to the window to see what is outside.

You jump out the window. the glass knocks you back, almost as if it was re-inforced. On closer inspection, you wonder why you didn't just use the door.

Sorry to butt in, but Team Survivor is looking for more players .

We can use 1 or 2 more teams, and I'd like to finalize the teams over the weekend for a Monday start.

Please check it out - it's only one move per day.

Thanks!

Since there are no Boots of Escaping, I use the door.

Maverick wrote:. The same small voice whispers "You asked for an exit, and an exit ye have recieved. Beyond the tunnel end lies pastures new"

What would you like to do?

Sorry but given the already quoted religious passages I find the box to be at odds with my chosen belief system and take the Constintine option.

Another god d@mn room? The fu$k?! Screw it, burn it down... all of it. Don't bother with the door, don't try the window, burn this mother F*&#er to the ground and piss on the ashes.
Did I mention we have a laser Gatling gun/nuke missle launcher/velociraptor gun/monster truck for an arm? Oh and we turned on infinite ammo and god mode earlier, you see we got this 5+ trainer off some fly by night ftp server back before this whole thing started. Too bad you forgot to stipulate this character isn't an Angry Marine, cause he is now. Because I'm capable of that.
In conclusion our character fires an unnecessarily massive barrage of nukes, lasers , and velociraptors at everything in existence in your entire stupid alternate universe, then he turns on no-clipping and walks home.
Also, theres brownies when he gets there. Don't ask how. Oh and they were awesome by the way.

drukawski wrote:Another god d@mn room? The fu$k?! Screw it, burn it down... all of it. Don't bother with the door, don't try the window, burn this mother F*&#er to the ground and piss on the ashes.
Did I mention we have a laser Gatling gun/nuke missle launcher/velociraptor gun/monster truck for an arm? Oh and we turned on infinite ammo and god mode earlier, you see we got this 5+ trainer off some fly by night ftp server back before this whole thing started. Too bad you forgot to stipulate this character isn't an Angry Marine, cause he is now. Because I'm capable of that.
In conclusion our character fires an unnecessarily massive barrage of nukes, lasers , and velociraptors at everything in existence in your entire stupid alternate universe, then he turns on no-clipping and walks home.
Also, theres brownies when he gets there. Don't ask how. Oh and they were awesome by the way.

You mad bro?

Nah he's just incredibly happy.

Your angry marine fighting prowess destroys the known universe. Game over.

GAWD DAMN, JUST WHEN IT WAS GETTING ENJOYABLE