20700
Post by: IvanTih
The title says it all.
Imperial Armour,most of them.
To quote Captain Orsai from SpaceBattles.com.
IA3: The hilariously out of character Raptors from IA3 are usually good for a laugh - Commander Orelius of the Raptors Chapter's decision to do nothing during the Taros Campaign. The dude has two companies of the finest soldiers in the galaxy and one of the most potent warships in the 40k-verse (the battlebarge War-Talon), complete freedom of action, and is from a Chapter well known for its independence and tendency to swift, impulsive (even reckless) actions.
So, what does our daring Astartes officer do - does he help the Imperial Guard kick the Tau's little blue arses off Taros? No he does not. Does he help the Imperial Navy smash the Tau fleet raiding the Taros Invasion Force's lines of supply? No he does not. Does he, in fact, show any of the normal Astartes autonomy and initiative? Fat chance. Orelius spends essentially the entire campaign sitting in orbit playing with his augmented dic* unless specifically asked to do something.
IA5-7-Aside from the unamusing stuff (like the stripping of any interesting traits from the Death Korps of Krieg that occurs in IA5-7, the ridiculously contrived scenarios, Forgeworld's slowed failures of research (forgetting Vindicares' shield-piercing rounds in IA5) and refusal to acknowledge that the Imperium can actually fight its way out of a wet paper bag (the Dark Angels in IA5 are victims of this)).
Also from Prospero Burns, where an excited conservator boasts that
.
Also could anyone provide quote for that hilarious event.
36094
Post by: DickBandit
Anything about the Angry Marines.
20700
Post by: IvanTih
DickBandit wrote:Anything about the Angry Marines.
Official fluff please.
27391
Post by: purplefood
Pretty much all of the Commissar Cain series.
Hive Fleet Scarabus (Taken out without a single IG company lost)
Lukas the Trickster's background.
Iron Hand Straken strangling a Chaos Space Marine Lord with a vine during an invasion of catachan.
20700
Post by: IvanTih
purplefood wrote:Pretty much all of the Commissar Cain series.
Hive Fleet Scarabus (Taken out without a single IG company lost)
Lukas the Trickster's background.
Iron Hand Straken strangling a Chaos Space Marine Lord with a vine during an invasion of catachan.
That last made me rage,I mean a Space Marine in power armor who is a veteran loses to a Cathachan.I mean Space Marines are resistant to almost all poisons(thanks Flight of the Eisenstein and Brothers of the Snake).
Also what do you think about Orsai's criticism of the IA?
27391
Post by: purplefood
He has a point. I read most of the IA fluff online and it was a massive contrast to the usual SM=win you get from GW but it was the other extreme as it was SM+IoM=Idiots and everyone else=Genius tactician.
Although i thought the catachan were always OTT (Marbo=Rambo and such) but Straken Strangling an CSM Lord to death was a bit to OTT.
20700
Post by: IvanTih
purplefood wrote:He has a point. I read most of the IA fluff online and it was a massive contrast to the usual SM=win you get from GW but it was the other extreme as it was SM+IoM=Idiots and everyone else=Genius tactician.
Although i thought the catachan were always OTT (Marbo=Rambo and such) but Straken Strangling an CSM Lord to death was a bit to OTT.
The SM=win are the usual competent ones.
I also hate IA8(ships in the orbit anyone).
I haven't fully read IA9,but I hope that it will be better.
Also in the Brothers of the Snake 30 or so marines filled a field with the Ork bodies,6-7 bodies deep and the field was a couple acres(it's not funny).
27391
Post by: purplefood
Brothers of the Snake was an odd one...
A chapter that specialised in squad level operations.
Though they seemed to rip through most people it was shown that numbers took their toll.
17923
Post by: Asherian Command
Reading the Rainbow Warriors fluff.
Also another thing that I laughed at was the black templars holy grenade.
20700
Post by: IvanTih
purplefood wrote:Brothers of the Snake was an odd one...
A chapter that specialised in squad level operations.
Though they seemed to rip through most people it was shown that numbers took their toll.
It was a fairly good book to me(at least it showed the capabilities of the Space Marine's candidates like running in subzero temperatures wearing only light robes and running 20 km with 30+ kg block of ice).
Also the moment when the World Eaters scream helmetless in vacuum(Eye of Terror book,not canon anymore,but to be fair they were probably protected by Khorne).
EDIT:New Rank and 2000th post! 
27391
Post by: purplefood
I love the fact that in the first war for Armageddon the entire Sw chapter turned up whereas in the second one it was completly absent.
20700
Post by: IvanTih
purplefood wrote:I love the fact that in the first war for Armageddon the entire Sw chapter turned up whereas in the second one it was completly absent.
To be fair SW weren't facing the same foe,original population was dead and they were probably assigned to some sector.
27391
Post by: purplefood
SW don't "get assigned" they do what they damn well please and the Imperium can deal with it. The entire chapter turned up in time to help on short notice. They could have helped in the 2nd one as well.
38039
Post by: hushrong
I liked this Tau background bit where the Tau thought they killed Slaanesh.
*I want to say i saw it on the GW website.
27391
Post by: purplefood
hushrong wrote:I liked this Tau background bit where the Tau thought they killed Slaanesh.
*I want to say i saw it on the GW website.
I think it is...
The first time the met Chaos ever. Chaos must be annoyed it was Slannesh that got there first.
20700
Post by: IvanTih
In the anthology Dark Millenium(or was it Tales from the Dark Millenium) in one short story written by C.S Goto Eldar nobility from a Craftworld plots to sacrifice entire population of it to bring Slannesh into reallity. 
34242
Post by: -Loki-
A Carnifex surviving exterminatus of a planet. I know they were pushing Carnifexes as badass in 4th edition, but that's a little far.
20700
Post by: IvanTih
-Loki- wrote:A Carnifex surviving exterminatus of a planet. I know they were pushing Carnifexes as badass in 4th edition, but that's a little far.
Yeah you remind of the Exterminatus of the Istvaan which was to be honest one of the weakest I've ever seen(a measly Imperator titan survives a thing which should melt continents).
23248
Post by: =I= White-Wolf
Well you see there is this one particular chapter of space marines that drinks blood that makes them like blood A LOT so they get blood cups and drink blood from those and then they go to battle in their blood armor and put on their blood talons so they can go do a blood high five with crons and then wave them a blood goodbye and then they get way to much blood one for one day so they go into a blood rampage where all they can think of is blood...and theeeeen they................ think people will get the picture
27391
Post by: purplefood
Dark Apostle. It was like reading a normal BL book about the IoM saving a planet but from the perspective of the Word Bearers.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Can we please not mention either the SW or BA codex.
23248
Post by: =I= White-Wolf
purplefood wrote:\
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Can we please not mention either the SW or BA codex.
Apologies, I did think it was kind of necessary, being the most ridiculous of ridicuous, but fair enough
34565
Post by: TheRedArmy
purplefood wrote:Automatically Appended Next Post:
Can we please not mention either the SW or BA codex.
Yeah. Who wants to hear about Edward and Jacob...I mean Space Marine Chapter Masters Edward and Jacob anyway?
In the Tyranid Codex, it mentions how the guardsmen became terrified of "The Parasite of Mortrex", so they only began to roll out in tanks from them on - only for the Parasite to just punch through the tank and turn them into Rippers anyway.
18499
Post by: Henners91
Any rumours about the BA codex.
That later turned out to be true.
Anyone remember how absurd "Flying Land Raider" used to sound?
Or assaulting after deep-striking?
GW be trolls.
23589
Post by: Sageheart
I found the necron/BA alliance was very very funny!
also had to mention the multilazer SM haha
27391
Post by: purplefood
Anything by Goto is funny, until you realise he actually got paid for that.
30256
Post by: Brotherjulian
Nork Deddog
commissar - Nork! I said bring the med kit, not the chimera!
Nork - But sir, da med kits IN da chimera
21611
Post by: Ronin-Sage
* Cain has, one more than one occasion, I believe, taken on a CSM in close-combat(even parrying blows from them with his chainsword).
* On that note, when in one novel he faces off against a Khorne berserker that shouts 'Blood for the Blood God!' and he retorts with '[scrummball team] for the Cup!'.
* [psuedo-official] The IG in Soulstorm having apparently shipped off 100 Baneblades right before their HQ is attacked
19343
Post by: Orkfantic
Don't know if it counts as official fluff but in deaf skwadron the Ork meks where going to cut their research into smart missiles short because they were running out of smart boyz to pilot them.
That or any fluff regarding ork weapon research.
22540
Post by: bigblackzach242
The dance off between the masque of slaanesh and the harlequin solitaire. I just can't believe that there was a dance off that lasted six days. Everytime i see her on the field i just want to shout " You Got Served!"
37127
Post by: poontangler
I can not quote it verbatim. but there was an anecdote in the Ork Codex.
It was about the Ork warboss who ordered his waaaagh! to do a warp jump. Well when they did the warp sent them through time, back to the point just before they departed. The War Boss then tracked his doppleganger down and killed him because he wanted a second gun just like the one he had. This resulted in the warboss single handedly ending his own waaaagh!
I was also amused by the Ork warboss who staged a waaagh into the eye of terror. He ended up fighting a greater deamon(Or a prince) in a bloody and ruthless battle, which ended with the warboss ripping the demon's nuts off.(The Orks would then spend an eternity of fighting, dying and being resurrected to do the cycle once more.)
Now that I think of it the Ork fluff is not only very funny. It is actually quite awesome.
22289
Post by: EmilCrane
Ronin-Sage wrote:
* On that note, when in one novel he faces off against a Khorne berserker that shouts 'Blood for the Blood God!' and he retorts with '[scrummball team] for the Cup!'.
"Blood for the blood god!"
"harriers for the cup!"
23411
Post by: idget
Anything by C.S Goto
6292
Post by: Valhallan42nd
What amuses me: the historical blurb in the IG codex about the regiment that sacrifices themselves to the last man to save a planet, which the Administratum fails to notice. The regiment then gets reassigned to a different sector, fail to show on account of death, and and then get labeled Excommunicatus for their heresy.
21202
Post by: Commander Endova
I'm fond of one of the time line entries in the Tyranids codex.
You know, the one where the Tau are fighting the 'Nids on what turns out to be a tomb world? The Necrons wake up, exterminate the bugs, and then the Tau when the Ethereals invite the Necrons into their base for a thank you party.
27391
Post by: purplefood
Valhallan42nd wrote:What amuses me: the historical blurb in the IG codex about the regiment that sacrifices themselves to the last man to save a planet, which the Administratum fails to notice. The regiment then gets reassigned to a different sector, fail to show on account of death, and and then get labeled Excommunicatus for their heresy.
I love that one.
There an entry in the SW codex where a Wolf Lord fleet was vasty outnumbered and his ship crimpled. Him and his men then decide to jump off the ship in space and land on the enemy battleship and take it, they then shoot all the ohter ships and win.
Another one where a Wolf Lord and his fleet were fighting an Ork Space Hulk, so they ramn it. It takes 6 months to gain control of the hulk.
10347
Post by: Fafnir
Take the Blood Angels or Space Wolf Codex.
Turn to any random page.
That.
15667
Post by: Emperors Faithful
Caiphas Cain has a lot of good stuff, one I can recall was the amazement of fresh Valhallan recruits at 'Liquid Snow' otherwise know as 'Rain'. The more I thought about it the more I realized the reaction made perfect sense for people from an ice world.
32868
Post by: Chaos Lord Gir
Fafnir wrote:Take the Blood Angels or Space Wolf Codex.
Turn to any random page.
That.
+1 on that.
Also a certain somone(  ) being buried under a building and then gaining the means to strangle carnifexs bare handed comes too mind.
31781
Post by: Enginseer
The Dark Eldar Codex is filled with funny anecdotes.
Among others, in the summarised timeline, After the narrow victory over the Tyranids, Craftworld Iyanden had to engage a fleet of Orks (at least I think they were Orks, I'm doing this from memory).
The Dark Eldar swept in and saved Iyanden from certain destruction. When the Eldar asked why the DE came to their rescue, the reply was something along the lines of "We find your fear-motivated attempts at necromancy highly amusing."
20700
Post by: IvanTih
Sageheart wrote:I found the necron/BA alliance was very very funny!
also had to mention the multilazer SM haha
I don't know why people complain about this,the Silent King probably had a self preservation instict,personality and he then allied himself with the BA. Automatically Appended Next Post: Commander Endova wrote:I'm fond of one of the time line entries in the Tyranids codex.
You know, the one where the Tau are fighting the 'Nids on what turns out to be a tomb world? The Necrons wake up, exterminate the bugs, and then the Tau when the Ethereals invite the Necrons into their base for a thank you party.
Same happens in DE codex. Automatically Appended Next Post: purplefood wrote:Valhallan42nd wrote:What amuses me: the historical blurb in the IG codex about the regiment that sacrifices themselves to the last man to save a planet, which the Administratum fails to notice. The regiment then gets reassigned to a different sector, fail to show on account of death, and and then get labeled Excommunicatus for their heresy.
I love that one.
There an entry in the SW codex where a Wolf Lord fleet was vasty outnumbered and his ship crimpled. Him and his men then decide to jump off the ship in space and land on the enemy battleship and take it, they then shoot all the ohter ships and win.
Another one where a Wolf Lord and his fleet were fighting an Ork Space Hulk, so they ramn it. It takes 6 months to gain control of the hulk.
I never can't understand how did the SW managed to pass through Void Shield then how didn't the ship evade them(in the novels we have accelerations from Andy Chamber's minimalistic single Gs then we have speeds at 0.75c(appears in two novels) and 0.25c).
27391
Post by: purplefood
Dunno but i loved the guy who came up with the plan
Wolf Lord "What do we do?"
Plan man "Jump off the ship onto the enemy battleship"
Wold Lord "Well i haven't got any better ideas so lets do that"
2764
Post by: AgeOfEgos
BA dex; Ka'Bandha, the legendary Bloodthirster that nearly killed Sanguinius himself, gets body checked and killed by the Sanguinor. Who then goes on to kill a bunch of Bloodletters.
FANBOY MUCH?
27553
Post by: Brother Heinrich
My favorite is still the entry in the Orks codex about Wazdakka and how he jumped his bike into a warlord titan cockpit, all the while being on fire after passing through the Titans' void shields. pure green awesome lol.
11254
Post by: veritechc
I agree with anything about the Angry Marines!
The entire Ork codex makes me laugh. The truck rules and the Weirdboy entries certainly stand out.
10470
Post by: shrike
In C:'nids, it says that
(e.g. day 1)- hive fleet gets stopped, the tau celebrate.
day 2- necrons land on the planet, which are greeted in great ceremony by the ethereal.
day 2- the necrons kill the ethereal. The harvest of planet X begins.
Or gaunt's ghost- his last command:
*IG captain slaps commissar Ludd around the face with a glove and throws it to the floor*
"You are uncouth. I challenge you to a bout of merit at your convenience."
"Are you challenging me to a duel?!"
"Are you such a base creature that you do not know common manners? Yes, I do cha-"
*Ludd punches the guy in the face*
"That was a convenient time for me."
Oh, and chapter's due, how ultras are crap and raven guard are ninjas.
Calgar- is too proud and vain to see an inbound fleet of enemy ships.
Telion- doesn't notice a RG captain, sergeant and techmarine (with full servo-harness) standing in the same room as him.
RG tac. squad and captain- climb a titan and bomb it.
all the RG- don't show up on a data slate.
silver: inquisitor- there.
blue: ultra- there.
red: enemy iron warriors- there.
yellow (?): skiitari- there.
green: raven guard- where'd they go?!
RG tac. squad and captain- walk right up to an enemy fortification, knife the guards and return to where there are 5 scouts staring right at the fortress with snipers without being noticed by the enemy or the scouts, meking the scouts jump.
13740
Post by: Valkyrie
The Godawful stuff in the SW Codex:
1: Wolfy Wolfenstein flew a Strike Cruiser through a Space Hulk
2: Olaf hit on a Daemonette and got his company wiped out
3: Grungir Somethingelsesoundingnordic fired himself out of his cruiser's torpedo tubes and manages to make the (literally) tens of thousands of kilometers journey to another ship without getting shot or dying due to lack of O2, and manage to get into and take back the enemy cruiser.
10470
Post by: shrike
I agree SW fluff is stupidly funny at times, but space battles are fought over thousands of kilometers- 100 kilometers is considered point-blank.
And marines can survive in space.
37790
Post by: Hlaine Larkin mk2
Ronin-Sage wrote:* Cain has, one more than one occasion, I believe, taken on a CSM in close-combat(even parrying blows from them with his chainsword).
* On that note, when in one novel he faces off against a Khorne berserker that shouts 'Blood for the Blood God!' and he retorts with '[scrummball team] for the Cup!'.
* [psuedo-official] The IG in Soulstorm having apparently shipped off 100 Baneblades right before their HQ is attacked
ehhh
gereon mission in the GG novels gaunt personally duels with the lead CSM afetr assaininating another and Sgt. Tona Criid drops a bag of tube charges perfectly round ones neck yet some how surviving despite getting caought in the blast. Major rawne picks up 'mad' Larkins long-las and snipes off anothers head not using the scope. Sgt. ceglan Varl is given enough time to empty a bolter clip into another marines face and the one Gaunt dueled eventually b*tch slapped him and took out his cheek only for the patrtisans to shoot him with enough poison to override his immune system, the lost about 20-30 partisans and no guardsmen
33172
Post by: ChiliPowderKeg
The bit of fluff where the Tau regarded the Necrons as their saviors and greeted them at their planet, only to be introduced to their own demise.
Greetings from 2016
27391
Post by: purplefood
Valkyrie wrote:The Godawful stuff in the SW Codex:
1: Wolfy Wolfenstein flew a Strike Cruiser through a Space Hulk
2: Olaf hit on a Daemonette and got his company wiped out
3: Grungir Somethingelsesoundingnordic fired himself out of his cruiser's torpedo tubes and manages to make the (literally) tens of thousands of kilometers journey to another ship without getting shot or dying due to lack of O2, and manage to get into and take back the enemy cruiser.
He didn't fly it through the Space Hulk. He flew it into the Space Hulk then boarded the space Hulk.
10470
Post by: shrike
shrike wrote:In C:'nids, it says that
(e.g. day 1)- hive fleet gets stopped, the tau celebrate.
day 2- necrons land on the planet, which are greeted in great ceremony by the ethereal.
day 2- the necrons kill the ethereal. The harvest of planet X begins.
ChiliPowderKeg wrote:The bit of fluff where the Tau regarded the Necrons as their saviors and greeted them at their planet, only to be introduced to their own demise.
ninja'd.
 . I just noticed someone else posted about this. I got ninja'd. 
23793
Post by: Acardia
It's been ages but it was a letter from a higher commander to a ship commander about the cost of dropping asteriods on a planet versus using missles. I still laugh everytime I think about that tail chewing.
37036
Post by: Sir Pseudonymous
There's always the horrible Grey Knights novels, about the idealistic young squad leader who battles daemons with the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP AND IMAGINATION! The first book has him defeat a "mile high cylinder of flesh" daemon by speaking a long string of gibberish an insane rogue inquisitor had spewed during interrogation (which turned out to be the daemon's true name), because herp he trusts his friends derp. The climactic battle of the second literally goes "UNGH WHY CAN'T I KILL YOU DAEMON?" "I already told you, I'm not a daemon, idiot." "YES YOU ARE DAEMON!" "Oh, I suppose I might be if you insist so strongly..." "HAHA NOW I CAN KILL YOU DAEMON!" (The "daemon" in question was an STC, by the way... ) For the sake of my sanity, I didn't read the third book.
There's also Faith and Fire, where the most sympathetic character is the psyker they're hunting, the secret villain mastermind's evil plot is... to kill some psykers to turn himself into a living weapon to better fight chaos, using an old imperial relic... and the main character climbs out of an active volcano with unpowered, fused power armor, to hijack a helicopter in order to fly it back into the volcano, which happens to be filling with daemons because they blew up the relic, tearing open a hole to the warp, in order to (successfully) rescue the rest of her squad... It would be funny if it wasn't so enragingly terrible...
Acardia wrote:It's been ages but it was a letter from a higher commander to a ship commander about the cost of dropping asteriods on a planet versus using missles. I still laugh everytime I think about that tail chewing.
I remember that vaguely, what was it from? I'm thinking one of the Dark Heresy books, since they had a lot of that sort of thing (including a page referencing the events in the Grendel "game transcript," which was quite surprising considering that was originally from /tg/ thread). Let's see... There it is, the opening for Creatures Anathema.
33511
Post by: Alphapod
The part where the Tau wipe out a whole Tyranid fleet with no casualties. It's nothing next to 5th Edition Fluff, but still makes me angry. Also, the entire Blood Angels and Space Wolf codices.
19086
Post by: Tjyven
Mephiston.
37790
Post by: Hlaine Larkin mk2
the bits in code:IG
The hydra unit achieveing kill to death ratio of 99999-1
Marbo being an eejit yet brilliant
Criid going from Red shirt to captain
Bucas Basstonne surviving a nurgle infestation
Oh and the 'Catachan devils boots' quote from Sgt. Harker
6292
Post by: Valhallan42nd
Acardia wrote:It's been ages but it was a letter from a higher commander to a ship commander about the cost of dropping asteriods on a planet versus using missles. I still laugh everytime I think about that tail chewing.
You mean this?
Rocks are NOT “free”, citizen.
Firstly, you must manoeuvre the Emperor’s naval vessel within reach of the asteroid belt, almost assuredly sustaining damage to the Emperor’s ship’s paint from micrometeoroids, while expending the Emperor’s fuel.
Then the tech priests must inspect the rock in question to ascertain its worthyness to do the Emperor’s bidding. Should it pass muster, the Emperor’s Servitors must use the Emperor’s auto-scrappers and melta-cutters to prepare the potential ordinance for movement. Finally, the tech priests finished, the Emperor’s officers may begin manoeuvring the Emperor’s warship to abut the asteroid at the prepared face (expending yet more of the Emperor’s fuel), and then begin boosting the stone towards the offensive planet.
After a few days of expending a prodigious amount of the Emperor’s fuel to accelerate the asteroid into an orbit more fitting to the emperor’s desires, the Emperor’s ship may then return to the planet via superluminous warp travel and await the arrival of the stone, still weeks (or months) away.
After twiddling away the Emperor’s time and eating the Emperor’s food in the wasteful pursuit of making sure that the Emperor’s enemies do not launch a deflection mission, they may finally watch the ordinance impact on the planet (assuming the Emperor’s warship does not need to attempt any last-minute course correction upon the rock, using yet more of the Emperor’s fuel).
Given a typical (class Bravo-CVII) system, we have the following:
Two months, O&M, Titan class warship: 4.2 Million Imperials.
Two months, rations, crew of same: 0.2 MI
Two months, Tech Priest pastor: 1.7 MI
Two months, Servitor parish: 0.3 MI
Paint, Titan class warship: 0.9 MI
Dihydrogen peroxide fuel: 0.9 MI
Total: 9.8 MI
Contrasting with the following:
5 warheads, magna-melta: 2.5 MI
One day, O&M, Titan class warship: 0.3 MI
One day, rations, crew of same: 0.0 MI
Dihydrogen peroxide fuel: 0.1 MI
Total: 2.9 MI
Given the same amount with under one third of the cost, the Emperor will have saved a massive amount of His most sacred money and almost a full month of time, during which His warship may be bombarding an entirely different planet.
The Emperor, through this – His office of Imperial outlays – hereby orders you to attend one (1) week of therapeutic accountancy training/penance. Please report to Areicon IV, Imperial City, Administatum Building CXXI, Room 1456, where you are to sit in the BLUE chair.
For the Emperor,
Bursarius Tenathis,
Purser Level XI,
Imperial Office of Outlays.
37292
Post by: WARORK93
Lots of GG parts are hilarious, like the part in Only in Death where Varl's squad is trying to use the well and Varl gets Cant to try and open it with the lever and the conversation goes something like:
Cant: Its jammed sir
Varl: And why is that trooper?
Cant: Because it wont move sir
Varl: and why is that?
Cant:.......Because I ....can't move it sir.
Varl: Oh you can't can you Cant?
Then Hark comes along and pulls the same joke and Cant is like "Oh not you too!" the entire scene made me laugh uncontrollably.
Then there's the part in Blood pact where Rawne actually dresses up like a commissar and uses the disguise to raid a gambling joint. XD
Ther's a part in Of their lives, In the ruins of their cities Where Merrt mouths off to Gaunt and when gaunt asks him if he's always been a smart alec Merrt replies"
"I reckon my mouth will get me in trouble one day." lol, foreshadowing much?
There was one part in the SW omnibus I remember, it went something like:
"Do you remember when he got drunk and tried to throw his spear at the moon? We had to search the jungle for three bloody days to find that thing!"
Which should tell you how SWs like their mead
20700
Post by: IvanTih
shrike wrote:I agree SW fluff is stupidly funny at times, but space battles are fought over thousands of kilometers- 100 kilometers is considered point-blank.
And marines can survive in space.
Tens of thousands kilometres,15cm(1cm=1000km) is considered point blank range in BFG.
I hate Andy Hoare's space combar(hundreds of kilometres range).
I think that in Fulgrim Space Marines who watch a naked chick(Slaneesh cultist) say that if I wasn't an Astartes this would be attractive,something like that.
32159
Post by: jonolikespie
In Prospero Burns a little human guy is talking to Russ and keeps calling him 'sir' which Russ evidently finds amusing.
Russ: 'you know who this is?'
Guy: 'no sir'
Russ: 'well, sir, this, sir, is my brother Felgrim'
I loled
10470
Post by: shrike
IvanTih wrote:shrike wrote:I agree SW fluff is stupidly funny at times, but space battles are fought over thousands of kilometers- 100 kilometers is considered point-blank.
And marines can survive in space.
Tens of thousands kilometres,15cm(1cm=1000km) is considered point blank range in BFG.
whoops, I meant to add an extra 0.
15667
Post by: Emperors Faithful
shrike wrote:IvanTih wrote:shrike wrote:I agree SW fluff is stupidly funny at times, but space battles are fought over thousands of kilometers- 100 kilometers is considered point-blank.
And marines can survive in space.
Tens of thousands kilometres,15cm(1cm=1000km) is considered point blank range in BFG.
whoops, I meant to add an extra 0.
Remind me not to put you in charge of anything involving weaponry if I ever captain a Retribution Class Battleship.
10470
Post by: shrike
"Fire the cannon!"
...
"Oops."
"WHAT?!"
"I forgot to remove the beer kegs that barry put in there last night."
"SO WE'RE FIRING BEER KEGS?!"
"...Yeah."
"You're fired."
"So are the kegs if you don't keep me here"
...
"uhh...HERETIC!"
*Bolt pistol*
"heh heh heh."
15667
Post by: Emperors Faithful
Or even worse.... 
"FIRE THE CYCLONIC TORPEDOES!"
"...oops."
"What is it?"
"We, er...I...it missed."
"You missed...a planet?"
26531
Post by: VikingScott
Emperors Faithful wrote:Or even worse....
"FIRE THE CYCLONIC TORPEDOES!"
"...oops."
"What is it?"
"We, er...I...it missed."
"You missed...a planet?"
Reminds me of the bit in ME2 with the gunnery officer yelling at his troopers.
"You DO NOT EYEBALL IT!"
"You Fire one of these and someone, somewhere is gonna have his day ruined."
15667
Post by: Emperors Faithful
"You fire that shot in space and Sir Isaac Newton becomes the meanest son of a bitch you will ever know!"
So many great lines from that game.
23617
Post by: Lexx
The Callidus assassin M'shen always makes me laugh.
36306
Post by: VenerableBrotherPelinore
"It evaded me Captain! This planet is a devious and worthy adversary, never fear I shall take it down this time!'
*silence*
"You missed again didn't you?"
"Truly this planet is a military genius! It seems to be able to read our every move, and conveniently move out of the way of the torpedoes!"
*longer silence*
*sighs*
-----
The fact that C.S Goto gets paid to write novels that exhibit less 'fluff' knowledge than my grandmother has amuses me.
But, using more specific actual fluff, the fluff in the Ork codex, the irony that the Emperor is now worshipped as a God when he spent centuries attempting to abolish religion, and various snippets in reference to the Space Wolves/Russ:
'Are we going to scrap it out now? Argue which Legion is toughest?'
'The answer, always, is the Wolves of Fenris,' Torgaddon put in, 'because they are clinically insane'.
Or Russ attempting to hurl his spear from a planet to a moon while drunk.
10470
Post by: shrike
Where is this quote from?! Leman russ getting drunk and lobbing his spear?
5111
Post by: MikeMcSomething
In one of the CS Goto eldar books, an eldar wearing some robes breaks a stick in half and throws it at a Falcon in flight, destroying it.
10470
Post by: shrike
How the feth could he do that? Impale the driver through bulletproof glass while it hovers at 100mph?!
25208
Post by: AlmightyWalrus
shrike wrote:How the feth could he do that? Impale the driver through bulletproof glass while it hovers at 100mph?!
Just look at what birdstrikes can do to airplanes today. Suppose that it was some kind of petrified wood, and that it hit some vital engine part, and there you go, crashed Falcon!
Or it's just C.S. Goto being silly again.
10470
Post by: shrike
99.999% the latter.
14070
Post by: SagesStone
shrike wrote:100% the latter.
Fixed your post. 
It's kind of a shame though. He intended to sort of branch out the universe by making the races try to not seem so rigid. To try to add some humanity into stuff like Eldar and the Space Marines in order to make them less dull in a story. It ended up just a bunch of Multilazors on a Land Razor.
10470
Post by: shrike
He has the general idea, but not the talent.
And no-one at the BL realise.
23534
Post by: Macok
Apparently somebody caught Wailing Doom in his hands and killed Avatar with it. If that isn't hilarious I don't know what is.
21364
Post by: FM Ninja 048
Calgar beating an avatar in hand to hand combat
10470
Post by: shrike
Calgar getting whooped by every SC going, and having his honour guard drag his sorry a** back to ultramar every time, where he sends in Cato to kill whoever whooped him.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
While not technically fluff, the fact that in C:SM, It shows a picture of the master of the watch, and on the same page shows sicarius.
4042
Post by: Da Boss
The old fluff in the Cities of DAETH (and SKULLZ) about an average imperial citizens day always made me laugh, and roll my eyes.
So much grim and dark!
Oh, and the rudimentary Grot sign language. Legend.
36306
Post by: VenerableBrotherPelinore
shrike wrote:Where is this quote from?! Leman russ getting drunk and lobbing his spear?
It's from the final book of the Space Wolves series, Wolf's Honour. Talks about how Russ never liked the spear at all, and used to lose it all the time, on the battlefield, in conference rooms, etc.
One night, they got really drunk, and he tried to throw it to the moon. It took them two days to find it .
I'll find the exact quote later when I can find my copy of the book.
17923
Post by: Asherian Command
This is the number one reason why I like the Space Wolves. They have so much humor.
And the best fluff part is when Toraggoden of the Luna Wolves makes jokes half the time in the book. My favorite luna wolf ever.
37292
Post by: WARORK93
shrike wrote:Where is this quote from?! Leman russ getting drunk and lobbing his spear?
I believe its in SW omnibus number one, dun quote me on that though, its been a while.......hehe quote pun.
Agreed SW are funniest marine faction just because they are so OTT
I just remembered another part in Blood Pact where Rawne and his collaborators are thrown in prison, there's a drunk guy already there and he starts to shout at them and call em names and such (you know the usual thing drunk people slur at anyone in particular). Rawne is in the next cell over and beckons the drunk to come over, Rawne whispers something in the belligerent's ear which makes the guy cringe and crawl into a corner. He doesn't say another word for the rest of the book.
Major Rawne cracks me up.
31953
Post by: nomsheep
fluff that makes me laugh.
open up the tau codex to a page, any page, and you have it. 
no just every marine battle seems to end in .... and that one man prevailed or ... and we flew in the battle barge
17923
Post by: Asherian Command
nomsheep wrote:fluff that makes me laugh.
open up the tau codex to a page, any page, and you have it.
no just every marine battle seems to end in .... and that one man prevailed or ... and we flew in the battle barge
Thats the angry marines buddy.
31953
Post by: nomsheep
or the ultrasmurf codex, theres one in the nid dex as well, then the world something (the necron thing)
17923
Post by: Asherian Command
nomsheep wrote:or the ultrasmurf codex
Thats very true, the ultramarines are just blah.
I wish someone could rewrite what was written.
But considering GW's luck and writing that is a definite no.
31953
Post by: nomsheep
I find it really boring. and it will be rewritten in two years roughly anywho, with the advent of sixth.
36143
Post by: snake
In describing the vastness of the Imperium, the 5th ed. rulebook says that it can take centuries for orders to make its way through the administrative process and reach the right officer or bureaucrat. How could any organization function with that kind of delay? Made me lol
20700
Post by: IvanTih
I wonder why no one has mentioned the Uplifting Primer,always good for a laugh.
15667
Post by: Emperors Faithful
IvanTih wrote:I wonder why no one has mentioned the Uplifting Primer,always good for a laugh.
Mind explainging yourself, Guardsman? I see nothing humourous to be find in the most vital piece of equipment a soldier of the Imperium can carry. 
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Post by: nomsheep
laughing at it is heresy, fool. withdraw the statment.
27391
Post by: purplefood
The bit on Titanicus where
20700
Post by: IvanTih
Emperors Faithful wrote:IvanTih wrote:I wonder why no one has mentioned the Uplifting Primer,always good for a laugh.
Mind explainging yourself, Guardsman? I see nothing humourous to be find in the most vital piece of equipment a soldier of the Imperium can carry.
Part about punishments.Hint:suicide IIRC.
27391
Post by: purplefood
That part made me laugh...
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Post by: Rynsester
More like the fluff that made you rage, but the stuff about hive fleet leviathan destroying Forgefane. I've never read the codex but stilll... There are only unbeatable aliens...
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Post by: Hlaine Larkin mk2
WARORK wrote:
I just remembered another part in Blood Pact where Rawne and his collaborators are thrown in prison, there's a drunk guy already there and he starts to shout at them and call em names and such (you know the usual thing drunk people slur at anyone in particular). Rawne is in the next cell over and beckons the drunk to come over, Rawne whispers something in the belligerent's ear which makes the guy cringe and crawl into a corner. He doesn't say another word for the rest of the book.
Major Rawne cracks me up.
He does, just as the blood pact sirdar blows of his head (Basicllay he said wtf)
The later piece in that scene is also hilarious when the sirdar squares up the rawne only for rawne to start a conversation in chaos and them catch him off guard and shoot him only of are the opnly belladon there to get told 'Its not the tiome for that conversation.
generally larkin going crazy is good for a giggle as is the hagian priest and the the tour guide gaunt gets on Balhut
The stroy of how the Lion and the wolf came to blows only for Fenris to start laughing after a day and the lion to KO with one punch
The brawl between the two Valhallan regiments ina Caphias Cain novel over plates with flowers on them.
oh and the fact Black Templars can ahve Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch (Monty Python ones)
36513
Post by: ND999
IMO, everything about the Orks. But that is why I love them
36094
Post by: DickBandit
Fluff-related, but more of a question: Does the Emperor poop?
15667
Post by: Emperors Faithful
DickBandit wrote:Fluff-related, but more of a question: Does the Emperor poop?
He doesn't seem to eat, so I'd say no.
23617
Post by: Lexx
Emperors Faithful wrote:DickBandit wrote:Fluff-related, but more of a question: Does the Emperor poop?
He doesn't seem to eat, so I'd say no.
Except for the souls of psykers.
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Post by: Wardragoon
Any conversation between Ragnar and Sven
27391
Post by: purplefood
Lexx wrote:Emperors Faithful wrote:DickBandit wrote:Fluff-related, but more of a question: Does the Emperor poop?
He doesn't seem to eat, so I'd say no.
Except for the souls of psykers.
Would that be digested? Would it come out as poo? How would it be digested?
36011
Post by: xXSir MontyXx
He eats the souls of his psykers and craps out Deamons!
18746
Post by: Heliodore
When Corax says "Never More." At that moment I knew that the Index Astartes articles were soon to end.
35973
Post by: Gibbsey
snake wrote:In describing the vastness of the Imperium, the 5th ed. rulebook says that it can take centuries for orders to make its way through the administrative process and reach the right officer or bureaucrat. How could any organization function with that kind of delay? Made me lol
In the ciaphas cain novels he is reported dead when a section of the ship he's on hull is breached, but he makes it to an escape pod. When he finds his way back to his troops (after gathering a force of PDF that were left behind and accidently killing the ork warboss) it takes over 6 months fr him to be listed as alive again. Its then explained it becomes policy never to list him as dead, so even after he dies over a century later he is still listed on active duty.
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Post by: Sir Pseudonymous
After he allegedly dies. I believe it's stated several times that there's no actual evidence of his death, as tales of his it are essentially hearsay even to the Inquisition. The only concrete part is that he's no longer where he was supposed to be, some people said that he "totally died and stuff," and his memoirs were handed over to the Inquisitor.
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Post by: purplefood
Sir Pseudonymous wrote:After he allegedly dies. I believe it's stated several times that there's no actual evidence of his death, as tales of his it are essentially hearsay even to the Inquisition. The only concrete part is that he's no longer where he was supposed to be, some people said that he "totally died and stuff," and his memoirs were handed over to the Inquisitor.
There is evidence, in the bit where it says
"The only soldier to still be on active duty despite being buried with full military honours"
Someone as prestigous as Cain would have had one hell of a funeral.
Anyway the point was he went MIA so often the Munitorum eventually made a standing order to keep him on the Alive and well list.
35973
Post by: Gibbsey
purplefood wrote:Sir Pseudonymous wrote:After he allegedly dies. I believe it's stated several times that there's no actual evidence of his death, as tales of his it are essentially hearsay even to the Inquisition. The only concrete part is that he's no longer where he was supposed to be, some people said that he "totally died and stuff," and his memoirs were handed over to the Inquisitor.
There is evidence, in the bit where it says
"The only soldier to still be on active duty despite being buried with full military honours"
Someone as prestigous as Cain would have had one hell of a funeral.
Anyway the point was he went MIA so often the Munitorum eventually made a standing order to keep him on the Alive and well list.
yeah "buried with full military honours" doesent leave much to be doubted, and its more likely he just died of old age.
27391
Post by: purplefood
Gibbsey wrote:purplefood wrote:Sir Pseudonymous wrote:After he allegedly dies. I believe it's stated several times that there's no actual evidence of his death, as tales of his it are essentially hearsay even to the Inquisition. The only concrete part is that he's no longer where he was supposed to be, some people said that he "totally died and stuff," and his memoirs were handed over to the Inquisitor.
There is evidence, in the bit where it says
"The only soldier to still be on active duty despite being buried with full military honours"
Someone as prestigous as Cain would have had one hell of a funeral.
Anyway the point was he went MIA so often the Munitorum eventually made a standing order to keep him on the Alive and well list.
yeah "buried with full military honours" doesent leave much to be doubted, and its more likely he just died of old age.
Considering his genius at escaping from danger it is very likely he died from old age.
37036
Post by: Sir Pseudonymous
I could have sworn that some of the Inquisitor's commentary left it up in the air. Considering high ranking and otherwise important officials tend to receive the absolute best in medical care, he would have died rather young, comparatively.
20841
Post by: Shas'O Dorian
The blood angels codex.
To name a few specific examples:
Deep striking land raiders
BA + Necrons = BFF
Mephistons entire section
35973
Post by: Gibbsey
Sir Pseudonymous wrote:I could have sworn that some of the Inquisitor's commentary left it up in the air. Considering high ranking and otherwise important officials tend to receive the absolute best in medical care, he would have died rather young, comparatively.
I thought he was at least over 200
27391
Post by: purplefood
Gibbsey wrote:Sir Pseudonymous wrote:I could have sworn that some of the Inquisitor's commentary left it up in the air. Considering high ranking and otherwise important officials tend to receive the absolute best in medical care, he would have died rather young, comparatively.
I thought he was at least over 200
If you haven't read Cain's Last Stand don't look
34634
Post by: cgage00
Deep striking land raiders
38175
Post by: Wardragoon
Im surprised noones said this, It's the year 40000, there are aliens with various gauss weaponry mass hordes etc. yet there are human(arguably) groups that still prefer goin toe to toe with an enemy
37585
Post by: Wyrmalla
Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
Its been god knows how many thousand years, but why are there no significant cultural changes depicted in the mainstream of planets- bugger all's changed in the 10,000+ years on Cadia's since its been in the Imperium, sept they armour they wear...a little.
How backward the technology of the supposed high age of science really is. Is a Leman Russ in any way a practical tank design by today's standards? Why the hell did it take so long for humanity to progress to the stage where it could travel outside of its own sytem? bs really just to fill in the years leading up to the big 41,000 really.¬¬
The overall incompatence of the Imperium. Dan Abnett tries to make it all a bit more realistic with his novels...but no amount of common sence can blot out the amount of poor writing out there.
38175
Post by: Wardragoon
Wyrmalla wrote:Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
Its been god knows how many thousand years, but why are there no significant cultural changes depicted in the mainstream of planets- bugger all's changed in the 10,000+ years on Cadia's since its been in the Imperium, sept they armour they wear...a little.
How backward the technology of the supposed high age of science really is. Is a Leman Russ in any way a practical tank design by today's standards? Why the hell did it take so long for humanity to progress to the stage where it could travel outside of its own sytem? bs really just to fill in the years leading up to the big 41,000 really.¬¬
The overall incompatence of the Imperium. Dan Abnett tries to make it all a bit more realistic with his novels...but no amount of common sence can blot out the amount of poor writing out there.
(one thing you are missing is that swords are still being used)
I'm not a Tau fanboy, but I do have to give it to them in 5000 years they went from Stone Age to well beyond humans
27391
Post by: purplefood
Wyrmalla wrote:Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
Its been god knows how many thousand years, but why are there no significant cultural changes depicted in the mainstream of planets- bugger all's changed in the 10,000+ years on Cadia's since its been in the Imperium, sept they armour they wear...a little.
How backward the technology of the supposed high age of science really is. Is a Leman Russ in any way a practical tank design by today's standards? Why the hell did it take so long for humanity to progress to the stage where it could travel outside of its own sytem? bs really just to fill in the years leading up to the big 41,000 really.¬¬
The overall incompatence of the Imperium. Dan Abnett tries to make it all a bit more realistic with his novels...but no amount of common sence can blot out the amount of poor writing out there.
40k isn't science fiction it's science fantasy it's ridiculous in both scale and writing.
And please don't bring the bolter gyrojet/shell into this there have been too many arguments over that already.
37036
Post by: Sir Pseudonymous
Gibbsey wrote:Sir Pseudonymous wrote:I could have sworn that some of the Inquisitor's commentary left it up in the air. Considering high ranking and otherwise important officials tend to receive the absolute best in medical care, he would have died rather young, comparatively.
I thought he was at least over 200
I said comparatively. In Important Imperial Figure terms, that's like dying in your thirties. But, his "death" provides a convenient excuse for why his "treasonous" memoirs have been handed off to the inquisition (who naturally find it familiar to their own outlook and operating procedures, generally being the Only Sane Man faction of the Imperium and all).
35973
Post by: Gibbsey
purplefood wrote:Wyrmalla wrote:Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
Its been god knows how many thousand years, but why are there no significant cultural changes depicted in the mainstream of planets- bugger all's changed in the 10,000+ years on Cadia's since its been in the Imperium, sept they armour they wear...a little.
How backward the technology of the supposed high age of science really is. Is a Leman Russ in any way a practical tank design by today's standards? Why the hell did it take so long for humanity to progress to the stage where it could travel outside of its own sytem? bs really just to fill in the years leading up to the big 41,000 really.¬¬
The overall incompatence of the Imperium. Dan Abnett tries to make it all a bit more realistic with his novels...but no amount of common sence can blot out the amount of poor writing out there.
40k isn't science fiction it's science fantasy it's ridiculous in both scale and writing.
And please don't bring the bolter gyrojet/shell into this there have been too many arguments over that already.
not meaning to start a debate here but i always thought bolter shells were a hybrid of conventional bullets and gyrojet. Gyrojet being inacurate just after it comes out of the barrel, so the initial shell gives it speed and then the gyrojets kick in making it even faster. So bolter shot = conventional bullet + gyrojet + explosive which if you could get it working would be a good bullet.....
21364
Post by: FM Ninja 048
Wyrmalla wrote:Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
I though they worked like a Javalin missile ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VdRnY-TUb4&feature=related) at the start as in it has a small charge that will propell it to say 20ft effectively, but ussually the gyrojet kicked in before that so the actual gyrojet may be caseless but the primer charge isn't
plus you would need a ejection slot to clear un-properly blessed ammo (jams)
37036
Post by: Sir Pseudonymous
Gibbsey wrote:not meaning to start a debate here but i always thought bolter shells were a hybrid of conventional bullets and gyrojet. Gyrojet being inacurate just after it comes out of the barrel, so the initial shell gives it speed and then the gyrojets kick in making it even faster. So bolter shot = conventional bullet + gyrojet + explosive which if you could get it working would be a good bullet.....
That's my take on it too.
Wyrmalla wrote:Its been god knows how many thousand years, but why are there no significant cultural changes depicted in the mainstream of planets- bugger all's changed in the 10,000+ years on Cadia's since its been in the Imperium, sept they armour they wear...a little.
Hasn't there? 40K fluff is hardly a cultural treatise, all we know is that Cadians are Cadians and they are constantly under attack from the Eye of Terror, leading them to have a very militaristic society. Nothing in there about civilian cultural trends at all.
How backward the technology of the supposed high age of science really is. Is a Leman Russ in any way a practical tank design by today's standards?
Probably? It's nearly indestructible against the equivalents of modern day anti-tank weapons and mounts a cannon that could flatten a building in a single shot, along with a potential several large caliber rocket launching machine guns.
Why the hell did it take so long for humanity to progress to the stage where it could travel outside of its own sytem? bs really just to fill in the years leading up to the big 41,000 really.¬¬
It sort of did disseminate through the galaxy pretty early, then sort of fell apart in civil war, before warpstorms made travel all but impossible. Then the Eldar fell, Slaanesh was born, and all the turbulence they'd been stirring up went quite, so the Emperor on Terra launched his great crusade to unite humanity.
The overall incompatence of the Imperium. Dan Abnett tries to make it all a bit more realistic with his novels...but no amount of common sence can blot out the amount of poor writing out there.
At least in Gaunt's Ghosts, Abnett is one of the worst offenders there. Everyone with power is either insane, slowed, malicious, or retardedly malicious and insane, all to make Gaunt, the Paragon of Mediocrity, look like a genius.
In the Eisenhorn and Ravenor trilogies, however, yeah, Abnett does a good job of not portraying things as derptastically as some authors.
36094
Post by: DickBandit
Heliodore wrote:When Corax says "Never More." At that moment I knew that the Index Astartes articles were soon to end.
So he's actually Edgar Allen Poe in power armor? Interesting.
37127
Post by: poontangler
FM Ninja 048 wrote:Wyrmalla wrote:Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
I though they worked like a Javalin missile ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VdRnY-TUb4&feature=related) at the start as in it has a small charge that will propell it to say 20ft effectively, but ussually the gyrojet kicked in before that so the actual gyrojet may be caseless but the primer charge isn't
plus you would need a ejection slot to clear un-properly blessed ammo (jams)
Actually this is based off of an element of sci-fi. that is based on an actual theory. Look up the "Scram Cannon" the idea behind the bolter is actually sound.
26642
Post by: vorpalhit
Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka, comes to Armageddon gets beaten due to an old Commissar called Yarrick.
50 years later, he comes back bigger meaner and stronger and gets beaten by the older Commissar Yarrick.
Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka then then is on the run from the aforementioned Commissar who has a few marines in tow.
10470
Post by: shrike
Ghazghkull mag uruk thraka
mag uruk thraka
marg aret thatcher
margaret thatcher
oh and raven guard:
RG saying- "...darkness there, and nothing more."
Last word of Corax- "nevermore"
Raven guard drill sergeant Alenpo
RAVEN guard
Edgar ALAN POE (Alen po)'s the RAVEN (guard).
The only thing the raven (guard) in the peom says is "nevermore".
It includes the line "darkness there, and nothing more."
hmm...
20700
Post by: IvanTih
Wyrmalla wrote:Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
Its been god knows how many thousand years, but why are there no significant cultural changes depicted in the mainstream of planets- bugger all's changed in the 10,000+ years on Cadia's since its been in the Imperium, sept they armour they wear...a little.
How backward the technology of the supposed high age of science really is. Is a Leman Russ in any way a practical tank design by today's standards? Why the hell did it take so long for humanity to progress to the stage where it could travel outside of its own sytem? bs really just to fill in the years leading up to the big 41,000 really.¬¬
The overall incompatence of the Imperium. Dan Abnett tries to make it all a bit more realistic with his novels...but no amount of common sence can blot out the amount of poor writing out there.
Leman Russ trumps over modern tanks,read Honor Guard they get hit by a 180 mm hypervelocity cannon and their armor laughs it off.
Also Leman Russ may suck as a design,but count on handwavium materials.
Also read the novel Daemon World it contains a functioning Dark Age warship(has plasma reactors which tap into warp to generate power, IoM probably uses this since their Plasma reactors don't behave as a normal fusion reactors(they've blown a planet in the 13th Black Crusade with them).
I could go on,but I need some sleep.
20841
Post by: Shas'O Dorian
Wardragoon wrote:Im surprised noones said this, It's the year 40000, there are aliens with various gauss weaponry mass hordes etc. yet there are human(arguably) groups that still prefer goin toe to toe with an enemy
Ehh it's understandable. Think of it this way. Back in the middle ages armor had surpassed ranged weapons. Not all but most ranged weapons were less effective against the armor of the day. Then came guns & armor took a back seat. It's just a balance. If at some point in the future armor again surpasses ranged weaponry we will see a return to CQB.
36306
Post by: VenerableBrotherPelinore
The references to other movies and the like hidden inside Black Library novels are also quite amusing.
In Nick Kyme's 'Firedrake': 'Does it hurt,' he asked, 'when they come out?'
Zartath exhaled and stood down. The blades slid back into his forearms, 'Aye, every time.'
In Abnett's 'Ravenor': He'd been in worse positions, Nayl thought. But right now, he couldn't bring a single one to mind.
---
Be kinda even more amusing if they're un-intentional.
Also, the Space Wolves quote about Leman Russ for Shrike:
'Do you recall the time he drank all that stormwine on Sirenia and tried to throw the bloody spear at the moon? Took us four days to find it afterwards.' He chuckled ruefully and grinned at Ragnar. 'Truth be told, he hated that big boar-sticker, but the Allfather gave it to him as a gift, so he was stuck with it. He dragged it out for ceremonies, and then he'd stick it in a corner somewhere and forget about it. Drove his huscarls mad.'
17923
Post by: Asherian Command
Best line ever is when Captain Garro. Smilies and stabs the daemon in the face.
38175
Post by: Wardragoon
Might sound stupid, but who writes the cain books(sounds like the type of humor I like)
36306
Post by: VenerableBrotherPelinore
Wardragoon wrote:Might sound stupid, but who writes the cain books(sounds like the type of humor I like)
Sandy Mitchell, my young padawan.
The first book in the series is 'For The Emperor.'
32159
Post by: jonolikespie
Blood Pact
p.384
A tour guide Gaunt hired to show him around a battlefield on Balhaut mentions that the site of Gaunts death was on the tour and that he had died during the action there 15 years ago. Gaunt then turns to his companions and whispers 'Honestly, i didn't'.
37292
Post by: WARORK93
jonolikespie wrote:Blood Pact
p.384
A tour guide Gaunt hired to show him around a battlefield on Balhaut mentions that the site of Gaunts death was on the tour and that he had died during the action there 15 years ago. Gaunt then turns to his companions and whispers 'Honestly, i didn't'.
That part made me laugh so hard! XD
Srry to be a little off topic but Gaunt's ghosts has got t be the best 40k I've ever read, I don't care what anyone else has to say about it, its funny, its got action, drama, betrayal, lifelike characters, and all that good stuff in there.
okay back on topic:
The part of Ciaphas Cain in "The Traitors hand" at the very end when Cain is brought to trial by his rival Commissar and they convict HIM instead of Cain. The guy just sits there with a shocked expression on his face going "Wha wha wha wha?" XD
27391
Post by: purplefood
jonolikespie wrote:Blood Pact
p.384
A tour guide Gaunt hired to show him around a battlefield on Balhaut mentions that the site of Gaunts death was on the tour and that he had died during the action there 15 years ago. Gaunt then turns to his companions and whispers 'Honestly, i didn't'.
I like the bit where he goes on to say about a load of heroic people dying and Gaunt is quietly contradicting him everytime.
35005
Post by: Juvieus Kaine
Lets see...
- Any caption from the Ork dex, especially Wazdakka That ork is a complete maniac on 2 wheels.
- Nork Deddog. He's like that huge guy in films that's not so smart but tries really hard to impress and help out
- Any battle material where the Tau lose. It's like they don't know what losing is Waaagh! Grog for example. Orks turn up and start a fight with some kroot. Tau join in and win fight. War declared by orks. First battle not so good. Second battle orks bring masses of firepower. Third battle the orks outwit the Tau by feigning a fall-back then using sweeping advance on either flank. Tau = shocked XD
- The Eldar. I always found it amusing that they were all high and mighty, got really engrosed in it and then managed to screw themselves over by creating a rift in the warp (eye of terror) AND create a new chaos god to munch on them after death Idiots.
- Slaaneshi worshippers/DArk Eldar. Only because we can imagine what rude and sexually horrific things they get up to 
31981
Post by: Pyro-Druid
Juvieus Kaine wrote:...Third battle the orks outwit the...
I sorry, but to me that seems funny enough without much else. It a sad sad day when anyone is outwitted by an ork. 
27391
Post by: purplefood
Pyro-Druid wrote:Juvieus Kaine wrote:...Third battle the orks outwit the...
I sorry, but to me that seems funny enough without much else. It a sad sad day when anyone is outwitted by an ork.
Orks aren't smart... Orks are cunnin.
27149
Post by: Viper217
purplefood wrote:Pyro-Druid wrote:Juvieus Kaine wrote:...Third battle the orks outwit the...
I sorry, but to me that seems funny enough without much else. It a sad sad day when anyone is outwitted by an ork.
Orks aren't smart... Orks are cunnin.
Many a general has thought the orks to be dumb beasts, only to be horribly outwitted by them and wiped out. Kunnin' and Brutal, the orky way!
36588
Post by: Footsloggin
Or is it Brutal and Kunnin...
320
Post by: Platuan4th
vorpalhit wrote:Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka, comes to Armageddon gets beaten due to an old Commissar called Yarrick.
50 years later, he comes back bigger meaner and stronger and gets beaten by the older Commissar Yarrick.
Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka then then is on the run from the aforementioned Commissar who has a few marines in tow.
They've never actually physically fought, though. Yes, he's been beaten in war(TWICE) by one of the few humans who actually understands the mentality of Orks and uses it to his advantage. The same one who also happens to be the only human Ghazgkul respects, so much so that when he captured Yarrick(between the 2 wars), he let him go just so that he'd be able to battle wits with Yarrick again. Ghazgkul's become obsessed with the man. Fluff suggests that just mentioning his name will throw Ghaz into a huge rant about both how brilliant and worthy an enemy he is and how frustrating fighting him is.
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Post by: shrike
Platuan4th wrote:vorpalhit wrote:Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka, comes to Armageddon gets beaten due to an old Commissar called Yarrick.
50 years later, he comes back bigger meaner and stronger and gets beaten by the older Commissar Yarrick.
Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka then then is on the run from the aforementioned Commissar who has a few marines in tow.
They've never actually physically fought, though.
They have. Ghazghkull headbutted yarrick but he lived.
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Post by: Wardragoon
Yarrick-The only normal human to survive a headbutt by a warboss lol
10470
Post by: shrike
IoM guys who can survibe a ghaz headbutt:
SM captains (like cortez- the tough ones)
yarrick
ogryns
TH/SS termies
shrike (he'd dodge it)
dreads
gaunt & cain (knowing them)
priests (da emprah will protect them)
chaplains (see preists)
people who could beat up ghaz:
shrike (maybe)
TH/SS termies
Lysander
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Thought I'd do a short bit on calgar.
people who could kill calgar in C:SM:
no-one.
people who could kill calgar in other codexes:
dante
mephiston
eldrad
avatar
abbaddon
ghazghkull
grimnar
grimaldus
emperor's champion
drazkhar
swarmlord
old one eye
doom of malan'tai
20700
Post by: IvanTih
Uplifting Primer amocles Edition and Departmento Munitorium Manual(the part about the top secret part on which you must not look).
35005
Post by: Juvieus Kaine
Another; not fluff so much but the developed view on Usarkar Creed and his Tactical Genius
Chaos Lord: "We have this planet in our grasp! Nothing can stop us now!"
*Baneblade from behind a bush*
Cultist: "But that's impossible! Only a tactical genius can do that-"
Chaos Lord: "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!"
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Post by: WARORK93
Juvieus Kaine wrote:Another; not fluff so much but the developed view on Usarkar Creed and his Tactical Genius
Chaos Lord: "We have this planet in our grasp! Nothing can stop us now!"
*Baneblade from behind a bush*
Cultist: "But that's impossible! Only a tactical genius can do that-"
Chaos Lord: "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!"
Speaking of which I believe there is a quote in the SM codex about terminators:
Rebel on radio: No, I don't think they'd try that, we've got the tunnel covered with an autocannon and--
*Terminator deepstrikes behind him, uses chainfist to kill all rebels.*
Terminator: Deepstrike assault successful, area clear
and of course there are always those mishaps on the tabletop
Me: So your gonna deepstrike?
my friend: yup *rolls dice*
Me: So we calculate that and.......haha, whaddya know, off the board!
my friend: Shut up.......
not exactly fluff buts its happened
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Post by: moonshine
For me it's deffinatly when von strabbs virus bombs went of over his own men on armageddon.
Or when grotsnik gave very nob in his tribe an exloding skull and the description of the grots putting his brain back in, which means grotsnikns running round with sick and a spider in his head
Oh and lorgar because in the first heretic he just needs someone to worship awww, he should worship himself. also i laughed so hard when he bitch slapped malcador and punched guilman, and then talks about how much he hates him ha
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Post by: Cerebrium
When the Tau killed a Keeper of Secrets, and thought they killed Slaanesh.
Subtle joke in the Uplifting Primer too, in the sanctioned psyker entry. It's a sticker with "They're a necessary evil" on it, when you can see "exterminate" underneath.
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Post by: RayvenQ
VenerableBrotherPelinore wrote:The references to other movies and the like hidden inside Black Library novels are also quite amusing.
In Duty Calls, the name of a Plateau that had Sauropods on i, called Konnandail.
Made me smile slightly.
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Post by: tarvos
in one of the cain books, there is a caption by Inquisitor Vail, that reads something to the effect of:
Due to the innumerable times that Cain has been missing and declared dead, only to return to the line a few days later, the Adeptus Munitorium has passed a decree that states that Cain is to be kept on the active rosters despite any intelligence that suggests otherwise. This means that he is the only person ever to be listed as both battle ready and buried with full military honors in the history of the Imperium
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Post by: cadbren
Not fluff as such but an excerpt from Helion Rain, the audiobook.
"...birds wheeled in an empty sky, punctuated only by the distant heat trails of drop pods..."
So other than the birds and the drop pods the sky is empty?
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Post by: shrike
tarvos wrote:in one of the cain books, there is a caption by Inquisitor Vail, that reads something to the effect of:
Due to the innumerable times that Cain has been missing and declared dead, only to return to the line a few days later, the Adeptus Munitorium has passed a decree that states that Cain is to be kept on the active rosters despite any intelligence that suggests otherwise. This means that he is the only person ever to be listed as both battle ready and buried with full military honors in the history of the Imperium
so a battle-ready coffin?
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Post by: Wardragoon
shrike wrote:tarvos wrote:in one of the cain books, there is a caption by Inquisitor Vail, that reads something to the effect of:
Due to the innumerable times that Cain has been missing and declared dead, only to return to the line a few days later, the Adeptus Munitorium has passed a decree that states that Cain is to be kept on the active rosters despite any intelligence that suggests otherwise. This means that he is the only person ever to be listed as both battle ready and buried with full military honors in the history of the Imperium
so a battle-ready coffin?
Maybe Cain's really a necron :O
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Post by: WARORK93
shrike wrote:tarvos wrote:in one of the cain books, there is a caption by Inquisitor Vail, that reads something to the effect of:
Due to the innumerable times that Cain has been missing and declared dead, only to return to the line a few days later, the Adeptus Munitorium has passed a decree that states that Cain is to be kept on the active rosters despite any intelligence that suggests otherwise. This means that he is the only person ever to be listed as both battle ready and buried with full military honors in the history of the Imperium
so a battle-ready coffin?
or a dreadnaught? pffffft
The novel "Fifteen Hours" any time Davir speaks, its pretty funny.
Gaunts ghosts, Traitor General: The archenemy soldiers are looking for the group in a farm silo, the last one gets felled by Beltayn who sneaks up behind the guy and says
"Something awry sir?" and pulls da trigger
same book: in one scene the commanding CSM says that he's "not a dangerous man by nature" his troops snigger and then he goes back and says "okay I am, I really am."
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Post by: Exopheric
In "Soul Hunter," the Navigatrix Eurydice is standing on a planetoid when the starship she's serving on gets blown out of the sky by Night Lords:
"....Syne was always spending massive sums of Imperial crowns on upgrading his precious fat matron of a ship, and wasn't that just so very hilarious in light of recent events. Good job, Captain Syne. All those guns certainly helped when it really counted."
I LOL'ed.
Later there's a scene where Talos throws Warmaster Horus's status as "General Failure" back in his face. Not exactly laugh-out-loud, but very, very satisfying.
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Post by: Eldrad
Lysander being able to fight off all those Chaos marines without a weapon its a lie.
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Post by: shrike
Eldrad wrote:Lysander being able to fight off all those Chaos marines without a weapon its a lie.
He had weapons. He used his marines as meatshields, while using one's arm as a club.
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Post by: Necanor
For sure anything from Commissar Cain&co.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Oh, and anything about Mephiston.
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Post by: WARORK93
The part in Sabbat Martyr right after the Beati heals Kolea and Mkvenner...
Kolea comes back to the shower block and is just about to go in when Cuu comes out and starts makin fun of him because he still thinks Kolea's brain dead. Kolea says something like "Making fun of a crippled veteran, where's your sense of honor?" To which Cuu becomes confused and Kolea just tells him to run before he "Breaks his rodent neck."
Cuu runs....
The part in Straight Silver where Criid is trying to get Cuu to follow her orders and basically breaks his nose in the process. Rawne tells Feygor to go see what all the commotion is about and when Feygor comes in he says "Is he supposed to be bleeding?" To which Tona replies "Yes" and Feygor just says "Well keep it down" and leaves..........
Same book where Larkin and Cuu are fighting and Cuu gets a butt plate to the balls by Sehra Muril, she says "Next time I'll use the other end." and the others throw him out into the rain for being drunk.
pretty much any time in those books where Cuu gets hurt, that fether was a dirty thug........ XD
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Post by: gloomygrim
poontangler wrote:I can not quote it verbatim. but there was an anecdote in the Ork Codex.
It was about the Ork warboss who ordered his waaaagh! to do a warp jump. Well when they did the warp sent them through time, back to the point just before they departed. The War Boss then tracked his doppleganger down and killed him because he wanted a second gun just like the one he had. This resulted in the warboss single handedly ending his own waaaagh!
I was also amused by the Ork warboss who staged a waaagh into the eye of terror. He ended up fighting a greater deamon(Or a prince) in a bloody and ruthless battle, which ended with the warboss ripping the demon's nuts off.(The Orks would then spend an eternity of fighting, dying and being resurrected to do the cycle once more.)
Now that I think of it the Ork fluff is not only very funny. It is actually quite awesome.
Got there before me lol, the first is pure comedy but you really wouldnt put it past an ork
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Post by: Melkhiordarkblade
Hmmm
Something funny?
I like some of the ironic statements in the HH book.
Also 100 Baneblades from SS.
Russ catching the Kraken that "was large enough to warp its tentecles around the world",then throwing it back claiming it was just a tiddler.
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Post by: KingCracker
Henners91 wrote:Any rumours about the BA codex.
That later turned out to be true.
Anyone remember how absurd "Flying Land Raider" used to sound?
Or assaulting after deep-striking?
GW be trolls.
Sure my response is way late but totally agree. I remember reading those rumors I just laughed. I thought oh cmon someone is just making gak up now. But then I was shocked to actually see that in the BA codex WTF were they thinking
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Post by: Wardragoon
KingCracker wrote:Henners91 wrote:Any rumours about the BA codex.
That later turned out to be true.
Anyone remember how absurd "Flying Land Raider" used to sound?
Or assaulting after deep-striking?
GW be trolls.
Sure my response is way late but totally agree. I remember reading those rumors I just laughed. I thought oh cmon someone is just making gak up now. But then I was shocked to actually see that in the BA codex WTF were they thinking
Don't y'know GW cant say no to their codex authors "you want a flying tank SURE!!!"
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Post by: KingCracker
Oh I figured that out by now, but back then I kept thinking no way, that just sounded FAR to ridiculous but it wasnt
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Post by: Wardragoon
KingCracker wrote:Oh I figured that out by now, but back then I kept thinking no way, that just sounded FAR to ridiculous but it wasnt
haha there is so much truth to that, I'm waiting for drop pods that can move after deployment
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Post by: Skylifter
Ho-hum, reading this whole thread, there are actually two topics:
1. Actually funny things in the 40k universe, most of them intended, some unintended - this includes the comic relief that is orks and the many allegations by GW to real-world literature, which some find funny, others merely interesting.
2. Fluff that we must laugh at because it is so absurd or over the top, we'd actually rather cry.
I really like the first category, but the second always leaves me thinking "stop whining and start enjoying the bits that - to your taste - are not absurd or OTT." I don't like that flying tank business, or in general the tendency for newer codices to become more and more like japanese comics, but it still did not stop me enjoying 40K, so why bother whining?
I mean yeah, why do I bother whining about the whining...oh well.
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Post by: kirsanth
Wardragoon wrote:waiting for drop pods that can move after deployment
Dreadclaws?
38175
Post by: Wardragoon
"A new fashion sweeps through commorragh, and soon every member of the noble houses has paid to have himself horribly disfigured...the trend is predictably short lived"-Dark Eldar codex
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Post by: AgeOfEgos
It may not qualify as fluff but this morning I got a chuckle out of this;
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?prodId=prod900149a
"it's a flying red fist of death that's going to punch their army until it begs for mercy"
"Well you can just blast chunks out of their troops and tanks until there's nothing left to blow up!"
Sounds like a 8 year old fan boy wrote it.
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Post by: Wardragoon
AgeOfEgos wrote:It may not qualify as fluff but this morning I got a chuckle out of this;
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?prodId=prod900149a
"it's a flying red fist of death that's going to punch their army until it begs for mercy"
"Well you can just blast chunks out of their troops and tanks until there's nothing left to blow up!"
Sounds like a 8 year old fan boy wrote it.
random note ABOUT  TIME
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Post by: GrrBear
In the tyranid codex, it mentions a world that gets infested by both daemons and tyranids. The space marines sent in to deal with the situation "wisely opt for exterminatus" and move on.
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Post by: Cryonicleech
I love the part of the Ork codex where one Warboss, forget his name, exits the warp in an alternate dimension and kills his doppleganger so he can have two of his favorite shoota.
38175
Post by: Wardragoon
Cryonicleech wrote:I love the part of the Ork codex where one Warboss, forget his name, exits the warp in an alternate dimension and kills his doppleganger so he can have two of his favorite shoota.
its not an alternate dimension, he goes back in time, he ended his own waagh
9217
Post by: KingCracker
Cryonicleech wrote:I love the part of the Ork codex where one Warboss, forget his name, exits the warp in an alternate dimension and kills his doppleganger so he can have two of his favorite shoota.
Honestly, whats more Orky then that?
35005
Post by: Juvieus Kaine
KingCracker wrote:Cryonicleech wrote:I love the part of the Ork codex where one Warboss, forget his name, exits the warp in an alternate dimension and kills his doppleganger so he can have two of his favorite shoota.
Honestly, whats more Orky then that?
Wazdakka turning himself into a missile and taking out a warlord titan?
10470
Post by: shrike
Juvieus Kaine wrote:KingCracker wrote:Cryonicleech wrote:I love the part of the Ork codex where one Warboss, forget his name, exits the warp in an alternate dimension and kills his doppleganger so he can have two of his favorite shoota.
Honestly, whats more Orky then that?
Wazdakka turning himself into a missile and taking out a warlord titan?
Or an ork warboss goes back in time, and starts a waagh! with his own waagh!.
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Post by: KingCracker
shrike wrote:Juvieus Kaine wrote:KingCracker wrote:Cryonicleech wrote:I love the part of the Ork codex where one Warboss, forget his name, exits the warp in an alternate dimension and kills his doppleganger so he can have two of his favorite shoota.
Honestly, whats more Orky then that?
Wazdakka turning himself into a missile and taking out a warlord titan?
Or an ork warboss goes back in time, and starts a waagh! with his own waagh!.
Now that Ive thought about it, Badrukk taking out a Void Whale is more Orky, AND you cant top that.
494
Post by: H.B.M.C.
The Blood Angel Codex. Some of the best comedic writing in 40K by far. And Canis Wolfborn - funniest character in existence. Dumb name. Dumb mount. Dumbest weapons ever for riding said mount.
Also Firewarrior, the book, has some wonderfully stupid moments:
1. Kais uses a single Spider Mine to take out a Raptors Chapter Captain and his Command Squad in a single attack.
2. Kais - this is a single Firewarrior guys - takes on a Combat Squad of Raptors Marines + a Raptors Librarian by himself.
The worst part of this combat is when there is one Raptor firing at him, and Kais runs under the legs of another Marine, but the first Marine keeps shooting and kills the other Marine with friendly fire.
10470
Post by: shrike
"Thar she blows!"
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Post by: AgeOfEgos
H.B.M.C. wrote:The Blood Angel Codex. Some of the best comedic writing in 40K by far. And Canis Wolfborn - funniest character in existence. Dumb name. Dumb mount. Dumbest weapons ever for riding said mount.
Also Firewarrior, the book, has some wonderfully stupid moments:
1. Kais uses a single Spider Mine to take out a Raptors Chapter Captain and his Command Squad in a single attack.
2. Kais - this is a single Firewarrior guys - takes on a Combat Squad of Raptors Marines + a Raptors Librarian by himself.
The worst part of this combat is when there is one Raptor firing at him, and Kais runs under the legs of another Marine, but the first Marine keeps shooting and kills the other Marine with friendly fire.
Oh my.
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Post by: loota boy
"Some runtherds use the thrat of serving in a Big Gunz battery to instill discipline in their Grotz mobz, with rebellious or truculent runts being sent to 'man the guns'. Should the miserable Grot crew survive for long they will soon become deafened and have to resort to a rudimentary system of sign language. This is rarely successful as there are only so many signs a grot can carry around with him."
Probably the dumbest joke ever right there, but I laughed forever anyway.
38175
Post by: Wardragoon
"Ogryn were so stupid that one time an ogryn fought with a massive hole in it's chest and finally died when a medic told him about the wound"
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Post by: purplefood
loota boy wrote:"Some runtherds use the thrat of serving in a Big Gunz battery to instill discipline in their Grotz mobz, with rebellious or truculent runts being sent to 'man the guns'. Should the miserable Grot crew survive for long they will soon become deafened and have to resort to a rudimentary system of sign language. This is rarely successful as there are only so many signs a grot can carry around with him."
Probably the dumbest joke ever right there, but I laughed forever anyway.
Love this joke.
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Post by: WARORK93
The beginning of "The Armor of Contempt": Gaunt sneaks his way into Lord General Van Voytz's private room. When the Commissariat guards show up and try to arrest Gaunt Van Voytz ends up
1. Slapping a Commissar across the face.
2. Ordering the troops to lower their weapons
3. After said standing down, orders them: "Now, salute him (Gaunt) damn you!"
I also seem to remember a quote by some commissar that goes something like "If your the last man standing then your not fighting hard enough."
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Post by: shrike
Wardragoon wrote:"Ogryn were so stupid that one time an ogryn fought with a massive hole in it's chest and finally died when a medic told him about the wound"
*pow*
O-"huh? *Inspects wound* oh, well."
*carries on krumpin'*
M-"you do know you have a fatal injury, right?"
O- "I DO?! blah I is dead."
M- "that's better."
loota boy wrote:"Some runtherds use the thrat of serving in a Big Gunz battery to instill discipline in their Grotz mobz, with rebellious or truculent runts being sent to 'man the guns'. Should the miserable Grot crew survive for long they will soon become deafened and have to resort to a rudimentary system of sign language. This is rarely successful as there are only so many signs a grot can carry around with him."
Probably the dumbest joke ever right there, but I laughed forever anyway.
I facepalmed when I first read that, then laughed at the stupidity of the grots and phil kelly's mad sense of humour.
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Post by: Retrias
Canis Wolfborn
Wolf Wolfborn,Wolf Lord dual wielding Wolf Claws, wearing a Wolftail Talisman and a Wolftooth necklace, being the Lord of the Wolfkin, with the Saga of the Wolfkin to back it up. He rides in a Thunderwolves, with the option of taking Fenrisian Wolves to back him up
Edited: Correcting Wolfy info
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Post by: shrike
and he likes wolves.
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Post by: Brother Coa
Guardsman hunting in "Fifteen Hours"
G1: I got near the pray (he was hunting some dinosaur like animals on jungle planet), take aim at the target and then..."
G2: And then he called artillery strike at the target telling it's a bunch of Orks there.
G1: Nah, it doesn't matter, the most important thing is I won that bet with Catachans and show that I am a better hunter than them.
LOL
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Post by: purplefood
WARORK93 wrote:The beginning of "The Armor of Contempt": Gaunt sneaks his way into Lord General Van Voytz's private room. When the Commissariat guards show up and try to arrest Gaunt Van Voytz ends up
1. Slapping a Commissar across the face.
2. Ordering the troops to lower their weapons
3. After said standing down, orders them: "Now, salute him (Gaunt) damn you!"
I also seem to remember a quote by some commissar that goes something like "If your the last man standing then your not fighting hard enough."
Wasn't that His Last Command?
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Post by: punkow
DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:
It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....
Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!
38175
Post by: Wardragoon
punkow wrote:DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:
It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....
Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!
Librarian walks in
"Oh Lawdy"
17923
Post by: Asherian Command
I wonder what a Cowboy Space marine would look like after reading through some lore. THey don't have a single chapter!
Anyway. Space Wolf and Dark Angel lore is kinda lol. Especially what they do to each other, minus the secrets and honor rituals they get well together as brothers. In that they basically beat each other up.
Also Torgaddon makes me laugh so hard.
36809
Post by: loota boy
I also loved that part in the ork codex about one grot living to the ripe old age of 9 before being sat apon by his master and then being fed to his pet squighound.
17923
Post by: Asherian Command
loota boy wrote:I also loved that part in the ork codex about one grot living to the ripe old age of 9 before being sat apon by his master and then being fed to his pet squighound.
Lol. Orks = FTW
31375
Post by: stompydakka
32973
Post by: Retrias
"As We Know most of our Battal Brothers is in SPESS......"
You Guys know the rest
10470
Post by: shrike
loota boy wrote:I also loved that part in the ork codex about one grot living to the ripe old age of 9 before being sat apon by his master and then being fed to his pet squighound.
yeah, I forgot about makari the grot...even though that's my account name on the B&C... lol...
25753
Post by: moonshine
I like the ork codex, the description of the ork trukk and what it says about kerrunch! on the ramshakle table, Somthing vital gives, but the ork passengers bail out of their vehicle before it falls apart with a noise like a meganob falling down a spiral staircase, just imagining a mega nob falling down a spiral staircase makes me lol
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Post by: WARORK93
purplefood wrote:WARORK93 wrote:The beginning of "The Armor of Contempt": Gaunt sneaks his way into Lord General Van Voytz's private room. When the Commissariat guards show up and try to arrest Gaunt Van Voytz ends up
1. Slapping a Commissar across the face.
2. Ordering the troops to lower their weapons
3. After said standing down, orders them: "Now, salute him (Gaunt) damn you!"
I also seem to remember a quote by some commissar that goes something like "If your the last man standing then your not fighting hard enough."
Wasn't that His Last Command?
Arrrgh, you have a point, I always get the two mixed up, my bad 
The story (can't remember the name) of the deathwatch on an ork infested space hulk in the book "Legends of the Space Marines":
When one of the mekboyz finds the space marine's ship among the scrap, he supposedly gets visions of destruction he can wreak with it from Gork and Mork. He's so preoccupied by what he sees that he forgets to breath
37036
Post by: Sir Pseudonymous
punkow wrote:DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:
It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....
Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!
The captured ship was completely disabled, so it couldn't well do anything; the rescue fleet was attempting to retrieve the captured ship, not destroy everything; and finally, Commoragh isn't a single location, it's a network of many smaller chambers interconnected, that can be completely isolated at the flip of a switch, so using Exterminatus level weaponry would serve only to blast apart the chamber the ship they were trying to retrieve was in (which would also serve Vect's purpose, since the ship was over the noble families' citadels).
33075
Post by: Mordoskul
In Tales of Heresy, when Kharn tries to talk to Angron, the Primarch comes off as the Incredible slowed Hulk.
35540
Post by: Eldrad
three words Eldar Battle tites
3502
Post by: Rubberanvil
Mordoskul wrote:In Tales of Heresy, when Kharn tries to talk to Angron, the Primarch comes off as the Incredible slowed Hulk.
What the 
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Post by: ExarchCain
Orks are just lulzy in their own right.
I mean, their gak works because they think it will?
Awesome
21364
Post by: FM Ninja 048
Rubberanvil wrote:Mordoskul wrote:In Tales of Heresy, when Kharn tries to talk to Angron, the Primarch comes off as the Incredible slowed Hulk.
What the
Yeah, Karn goes I alone to his chambers to try to talk him down from a rage and he's smashing everything up like a baby IIRC
25622
Post by: necrongod
this isnt really real fluff, but this is really funny.
in the ultramarines movie, when 1 bolter shot takes out a CSM whereas it takes like 20 bolter shots to kill a normal marine, although all the equipment is the excact same. another funny part is when the flamethrower blows up in the middle of the ultramarines and somehow the CSMs (that were all farther away from the ultramarines) were all killed and SOMEHOW all the space marines are unharmed.
oh and the chaplain has psychic powers i mean, wtf?? damn you abnett!!!
28444
Post by: DarknessEternal
necrongod wrote:
oh and the chaplain has psychic powers i mean, wtf?? damn you abnett!!!
Or, you know, he was just using his Crozius Arcanum. Which, come to think of it, was actually mentioned immediately in the movie.
35350
Post by: BuFFo
How Space Wolves distrust magical/mythical devices, mainly Teleporters, yet they now somehow love to use Psyker energies in combat.
So they distrust technology, yet wear power armor and terminator suits, use high end Vehicles and Dreds?
None of it makes any sense.
15667
Post by: Emperors Faithful
Wardragoon wrote:punkow wrote:DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:
It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....
Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!
Librarian walks in
"Oh Lawdy"
3502
Post by: Rubberanvil
FM Ninja 048 wrote:Wyrmalla wrote:Bolters. They work under the principles of gyrojet weaponary-each round's self propelled-, yet they have ejecting ports and shell casings.¬¬
I though they worked like a Javalin missile ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VdRnY-TUb4&feature=related) at the start as in it has a small charge that will propell it to say 20ft effectively, but ussually the gyrojet kicked in before that so the actual gyrojet may be caseless but the primer charge isn't
)
Booster charge is to get the missile or rocket like with the RPG-7 safety away from the launcher before the main charge ignites. But with bolter shells hard to comprehend the logic to their design other then skull raping the keep it simple, stupid rule.
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Post by: shrike
IMO, as far as my teeny military knowledge and knowledge of bolters go, it seems it works like a mini-RPG, which explodes once it enters someone, not on impact.
35973
Post by: Gibbsey
Well bolter shells having casing actually is better than gyrojet, gyrojet is inaccurate because it has low muzzle velocity having a shell helps propel it out of the barrel at speed then the gyrojet just adds to that speed
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Post by: Wardragoon
from Imperial Armor
'Though of the day, Ignorance is your best defense'
35973
Post by: Gibbsey
Wardragoon wrote:from Imperial Armor
'Though of the day, Ignorance is your best defense'
Yes when that monstrosity from the warp attacks its better to not know what it is
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