So I've been working my new job for about a month or so and there's girl at work who does some weird things such as poking, punching, hitting me, etc. I don't know what her deal is. She does this to a couple of other people, but not everyone. It's awkward for me because I'm about 4-5 years older than she is and I don't know why she's doing this. I don't know if I should talk to a manager or something or say something to her to get her to stop. It would be one thing if I was friends with her or something, but I only know her from work.
I asked her today why she keeps doing this, and she said she didn't know.
I'm looking for some kind of resolution where I can avoid coming off as a creep or wimp for complaining about some girl touching me.
Hmm.... sounds like she is something of a "touchy-feely" type. Not a bad thing... She is probably doing it because she sees you as a friendly sort.... some-one she wants to be on friendly terms with. Don't know the ages in question here but gonna guess young.. low 20s if that. That kind of behavior is in the "brother/sister" range though.
You could just ask her to not do it so much, because you don't want others at work thinking the wrong thing about the two of you.
You should talk to your HR department and ask their advice.
This young lady may secretly like you and this is her awkward way of expressing affection. Or she might be some kind of nutter.
Either way, relationships at work are best kept on a professional basis until the team personalities have thoroughly settled down and got used to each other.
As her behaviour is making you uncomfortable, it should be stopped. That needs to be done as gently as possible in order to avoid fallout.
If a (non-family) woman is comfortable with having physical contact with you, it generally means that she would be open to having sex with you. This girl sounds like she's attracted to you.
If it is just a job and she is cute enough go ahead and dip the ole pen in the company ink, but if you plan on staying at this place a while that could get real ugly.
Do not speak to your superiors/HR about this UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. You will lose currency next time you have a geniune problem, also you will look weak and unable to deal with problems within your team. Basically remember the interview question? This person is not a 'team player' you need to tell her as such for the benefit of the 'Team'... EDIT: You say yu don't like her and only see her professionally? So crush her like the annoying pest she is...
@The top line of KK's post is the worst advice possible, otherwise it's fine. Unless you know your superiors/HR personally you cannot trouble them with what is essentially a trifling matter, you will get screwed, possibly even put first in line to be fired. Yep lets fire Mr zero initiative, who is a taddle tale.
Albatross wrote:If a (non-family) woman is comfortable with having physical contact with you, it generally means that she would be open to having sex with you. This girl sounds like she's attracted to you.
Good call, it's kindof of close to a stock interview question:
One of the Team isn't pulling their weight what should you do?
Stock (Right) answer: I like to be open amongst collegues and appreciate them doing the same, i would make them aware of the problem myself and tell them the team is suffering as a result.
The other one i think KK is getting confused by is:
You catch a colleague with 'their hand in the till' what would you do?
Stock (right) answer: As this is a criminal act i would immediately report it to management.
Wrong answer: I would have a word with them myself.
Amaya wrote:She's cute enough, but the age difference makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable.
I think I like Killkrazy's advice the best, everything after that was kinda eh...
It is pretty normal for women to like the company of men a few years older than themselves, and it is very much relative to your ages
13 and 18 is pretty bad
25 and 30 is pretty normal
93 and 98 who the heck cares
as far as whether you pursue her or not that's your own business, but if your not interested and pull managers into it your going to look to them like a wuss who is afraid of girls, or a socially incompetent boob who can't figure out when a chick likes him or both, or at the very least irritate them by drawing their attention to a pretty trifling matter.
Perkustin wrote:@The top line of KK's post is the worst advice possible, otherwise it's fine. Unless you know your superiors/HR personally you cannot trouble them with what is essentially a trifling matter, you will get screwed, possibly even put first in line to be fired. Yep lets fire Mr zero initiative, who is a taddle tale.
I'm inclined to agree,I really see no reason to involve management in a situation that could be resolved simply by politely/but firmly stating " Hey (insert girls name here)..no offense,but I really don't care for being poked/touched,it's just a me thing..nothing personal...but I'd appreciate it if you'd stop"....then move on with your business..
...Unless of course on some level your actually enjoying the attention this young woman is giving you.
Perkustin wrote:@The top line of KK's post is the worst advice possible, otherwise it's fine. Unless you know your superiors/HR personally you cannot trouble them with what is essentially a trifling matter, you will get screwed, possibly even put first in line to be fired. Yep lets fire Mr zero initiative, who is a taddle tale.
I'm inclined to agree,I really see no reason to involve management in a situation that could be resolved simply by politely/but firmly stating " Hey (insert girls name here)..no offense,but I really don't care for being poked/touched,it's just a me thing..nothing personal...but I'd appreciate it if you'd stop"....then move on with your business..
...Unless of course on some level your actually enjoying the attention this young woman is giving you.
I am somewhat and therein lies the problem. I'm older than her, (she's 19 and I'm 23) and she does it with a couple of other people too, so I don't know if this is just how she acts with people she considers friendly (and even though I may come across as a jerk at times on the forums about politics, I am very friendly with people in RL), or if it is something different.
/shrug
I work in a few hours so I'll talk to her if I get a chance.
Perkustin wrote:@The top line of KK's post is the worst advice possible, otherwise it's fine. Unless you know your superiors/HR personally you cannot trouble them with what is essentially a trifling matter, you will get screwed, possibly even put first in line to be fired. Yep lets fire Mr zero initiative, who is a taddle tale.
I'm inclined to agree,I really see no reason to involve management in a situation that could be resolved simply by politely/but firmly stating " Hey (insert girls name here)..no offense,but I really don't care for being poked/touched,it's just a me thing..nothing personal...but I'd appreciate it if you'd stop"....then move on with your business..
...Unless of course on some level your actually enjoying the attention this young woman is giving you.
I am somewhat and therein lies the problem. I'm older than her, (she's 19 and I'm 23) and she does it with a couple of other people too, so I don't know if this is just how she acts with people she considers friendly (and even though I may come across as a jerk at times on the forums about politics, I am very friendly with people in RL), or if it is something different.
/shrug
I work in a few hours so I'll talk to her if I get a chance.
The age differance isn't that great..nothing that would cause eyebrows to raise IMO,and it seems (based on the limited information) that these pokes/jabs are simply this young woman's way of expressing "friendship" (or perhaps "interest")...
No real harm here...but,I'd attempt to keep the work relationship profesional..( Romantic relationships on the job quite often end badly).
As I said,I'd suggest speaking to her in a friendly yet firm manner if you really wish for her to keep her hands to her self...if not,accept it as part of her personality and get back to work.
I think what FITZ is trying to say is to keep it on the down low and to take pictures so that when things go wrong you can share them with everyone in the company. That way you have proof. That should keep anything from going wrong.
Ahtman wrote:I think what FITZ is trying to say is to keep it on the down low and to take pictures so that when things go wrong you can share them with everyone in the company. That way you have proof. That should keep anything from going wrong.
Exactly...an extensive photo collection is a wonderful thing to have at ones disposal for the prevention of future "entanglements."
Wow, you people are way to serious. She is flirting with you! If you enjoy it, flirt back and maybe you'll find out she is a nice chick that is into you, if you don't ignore it and she will give up. There is no need for pictures and lawyers and HR reps just cause some young girl has taken a fancy to you. Also, since you say she does it to a few other people, do they happen to all be guys around your age range? That would be flirting and yes a lot of it can and does happen at work as that is often the only way some people meet new people to flirt with.
Also, if you think there is something wrong with a 19 year old and a 23 year old dating that is a problem with YOU dude, not the dating situation. I've met a few very happy couples with a lot larger age gaps than that.
Try having a pleasant conversation with her to find out if she is an alright chick or a nut before you decide to lecture her on appropriate work behavior. If you think your going to tell her to stop and she just says "ok" and that's the end of the story, then you apparently have never rejected a woman.
Kilkrazy wrote:We have a bar at my company's head office, on Thursday and Friday nights only.
We hold a boardgames club there on Thursdays.
..And there would be one of the (many) diferances in the white collar/blue collar work enviorments ...the best we ever get is a manager walking around the shop on Friday passing out cheap beer.
Kanluwen wrote:We need a thinking Orc emoticon for this.
Because truly, this is mankind's greatest quandry.
Cheap beer and easy women or a full service bar.
Hmm...While my higher brain would enjoy all the perks of a full service company bar,my inner-reptile says pass the free Budwieser and lets go talk to the new girl from payroll.
Albatross wrote:If a (non-family) woman is comfortable with having physical contact with you, it generally means that she would be open to having sex with you.
This statement is absurd. Being willing (or even eager), to have some given kind of physical contact in some given context does not equate in any way to "I'd be OK with having sex with you".
I mean really, there are lots of kind of physical contact, most of them are no indicator whatsoever of sexual interest.
Ahtman wrote:I think you have confused being at work with being at a bar.
Exactly.
Since you have now given us her age of 19, Im quite certain she is like every other attention-seeking tween and is just flirting around the office to be 'popular'.
I also agree with handle in person/no bosses involved. it's a minor situation, and if they are looking at bumping you
up that may make them wonder if you could handle larger problems on your own.
and on a personal level, i hate dealing with HR, period. they're soulless machines that don't take real people into account it seems.
and for the record, i've never had a problem, but i've seen plenty of friends go through endless drama. and lets say she is in the least
case being truely friendly or worst case really hitting on you by hitting on you, her career could be affected by a simple misunderstanding.
that said, i'm not saying you should have to be uncomfortable or harrassed in anyway either.
bottom line, talk to her. people seem to always go to someone else to say something that they easily could have, or nothing at all. so many
issues could be resolved if people would just communicate.
If the age difference bothers you try this: While having a normal conversation mention that a girl "right out of high school" keeps wanting to hang out and that you think it's weird because of the age difference. See how she responds. You may also want to find out if this is how she was raised (i.e. lots of brothers)
She is just messing with you, how does this warrant a thread at all? Its like tickling a girl when you were in highschool; didn't mean anything, you're just fooling around.
I have a female co-worker much older than me and she tends to treat me a bit like she would her own sons as I'm in the same age group as them. This was largely fine as we always had a friendly atmosphere, but on occasion when I did something wrong she would give me a slap over the back of my shoulder or similar which obviously crosses the boundries of a working environment. I liked her as a co-worker and also personally so I didn't want to say something that would "rock the boat" so my solution was simple, the next time she did it I turned and looked at her with my best angriest "I'm gonna kill you" expression which told her in no uncertain terms that such physical contact was acceptable, especially to me.
We laugh about it now but she knows not to do it and no feeling were hurt. Perhaps you could do something similar. She will hopefully just take it that you are having a really bad day and that its largely unwelcome and thus hopefully not take offence.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Karon wrote:This thread is hilarious.
She is just messing with you, how does this warrant a thread at all? Its like tickling a girl when you were in highschool; didn't mean anything, you're just fooling around.
She is just trying to be liked in the office.
Of that I don't doubt, but in any working envirnoment its unprofessional and is not always recipiated by the person being poked. Imagine how she'd feel if she chose to poke the one guy in the office who is more than happy to press for sexual harassment? Extreme case I know, but you can't deny that it hasn't happened before.
Your right that she proberly is just trying to be liked, especially if she is new or generally insecure.
Ahtman wrote:I think you have confused being at work with being at a bar.
Actually I hate bars, as do a lot of people. So how does a person who hates bars meet new people? Work! presuming you work in a big enough place and not some tiny office or whatnot. But whatever, you can go on living your life believing that office romances always lead to lawsuits, firings and such.
Personally, I work in health care surrounded by women all day. Yes I get flirted with and yes I flirt back. as long as your not groping women and yelling "BOOBIES!!!" or in some other way being an ass, it is very harmless and fun. I'm not sleeping with any of them as I'm taken, but if I were single I would date at work no problem.
Ahtman wrote:I think you have confused being at work with being at a bar.
Actually I hate bars, as do a lot of people. So how does a person who hates bars meet new people? Work! presuming you work in a big enough place and not some tiny office or whatnot. But whatever, you can go on living your life believing that office romances always lead to lawsuits, firings and such.
Personally, I work in health care surrounded by women all day. Yes I get flirted with and yes I flirt back. as long as your not groping women and yelling "BOOBIES!!!" or in some other way being an ass, it is very harmless and fun. I'm not sleeping with any of them as I'm taken, but if I were single I would date at work no problem.
It's not so much that office/work related romances always lead to firings.lawsuits and such (though it does happen from time to time),it's more of a case that relationships often don't work out,so if you've started one with a co-worker and this occures your now (in many cases) in an awkward situation.
Now,it's not that I haven't,in the past,dated co-workers,it's simply that IMO (based on experiance and what I've seen of others) that 7 out of 10 times it leads to headaches.
She strikes me as being somewhat immature and insecure.
Automatically Appended Next Post: And now for something completely different.
Just kidding, this is the latest development.
Well, I did talk to her about it and she stopped for a little while, but her self control is lacking. (You rack displine!)
I'm still undecided as to what is going on. It seems to me that she talks to me differently than other people. She asked me what I do at my other job, what I do for fun, etc. And then as I'm walking by minding my own business, this other guy is about to pick her up and she's resisting. She grabs at my arm, but I don't help because they're just screwing around. They stop it and she goes, "C'mon <insert my name>, you're supposed to help/save (I don't remember which) me!" It's a wtf moment for me, when did I become the white knight?
But yeah, I don't know what's going on. I usually pretty indifferent to women so I'm pretty poor at reading them.
Amaya wrote:I don't know if I should talk to a manager or something
Only if she starts dangling you up-side down and stealing your lunch-money
No, this can be resolved without management intervention, the guys here seem to have nailed it. Just speak to her in a casual and friendly manner about it, say that you don't really mind and quite enjoy the attention but as this is a place of work you feel the behaviour could be misconstrued as unprofessional, add you're just looking out for both of you professionally as it could reflect negatively on both you and her.
She is just messing with you, how does this warrant a thread at all? Its like tickling a girl when you were in highschool; didn't mean anything, you're just fooling around.
She is just trying to be liked in the office.
Wow... already said this and completely glazed over by OP.
Kilkrazy wrote:You should talk to your HR department and ask their advice.
This young lady may secretly like you and this is her awkward way of expressing affection. Or she might be some kind of nutter.
Either way, relationships at work are best kept on a professional basis until the team personalities have thoroughly settled down and got used to each other.
As her behaviour is making you uncomfortable, it should be stopped. That needs to be done as gently as possible in order to avoid fallout.
It sounds like she likes you. Perhaps you should talk to someone a little closer to the situation who knows you (and maybe even her) a bit better than the random intranetz people. Relationships and human interaction are sketchy enough things without throwing the work element into the mix. Personally, I'd just roll with it, feeling good about the fact that chicks are interested in me, but I've got a strict no-work policy. Though where I work does nothing to actively discourage it, it's just too much hassle and god knows this job is complicated enough as is.
Internet Mode:
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY PUNCH HER IN THE FACE WHILE SCREAMING "IT'S OVER 9000!" LOL!!!!11eleven1
Ahtman wrote:I think you have confused being at work with being at a bar.
Indeed. Trithfully if she does it again, say publicly in a voice loud enough to be hear by others that that activity is making you uncomfortable in a professional environment. If that doesn't work, hire some mercenaries with mad nunchuk skills.
Ahtman wrote:I think you have confused being at work with being at a bar.
Indeed. Trithfully if she does it again, say publicly in a voice loud enough to be hear by others that that activity is making you uncomfortable in a professional environment. If that doesn't work, hire some mercenaries with mad nunchuk skills.
I just did a numbers crunch, I don't think anyone can afford mercs with mad nunchuck skills.
Ahtman wrote:I think you have confused being at work with being at a bar.
Indeed. Trithfully if she does it again, say publicly in a voice loud enough to be hear by others that that activity is making you uncomfortable in a professional environment. If that doesn't work, hire some mercenaries with mad nunchuk skills.
I just did a numbers crunch, I don't think anyone can afford mercs with mad nunchuck skills.
You have an excellent point.
Alternatively:
*Tell her you're married, and that your wife is Italian from New Jersey. Tell her your wife is both insanely jealous and has really bad impulse control. Laugh about the time you first met her inlaws, who are in "the business."
*Tell her you're married, but that your wife doesn't understand you.
She is just messing with you, how does this warrant a thread at all? Its like tickling a girl when you were in highschool; didn't mean anything, you're just fooling around.
She is just trying to be liked in the office.
Wow... already said this and completely glazed over by OP.
Maybe because I have never seen Karon post something worthwhile and once again s/he's completely off base.
daedalus wrote:It sounds like she likes you. Perhaps you should talk to someone a little closer to the situation who knows you (and maybe even her) a bit better than the random intranetz people. Relationships and human interaction are sketchy enough things without throwing the work element into the mix. Personally, I'd just roll with it, feeling good about the fact that chicks are interested in me, but I've got a strict no-work policy. Though where I work does nothing to actively discourage it, it's just too much hassle and god knows this job is complicated enough as is.
Internet Mode:
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY PUNCH HER IN THE FACE WHILE SCREAMING "IT'S OVER 9000!" LOL!!!!11eleven1
Ugh.
I've actually become friends with her older sister who is really cool. She said that her sister probably just likes me at as a friend. /shrug That's probably accurate enough.
She is just messing with you, how does this warrant a thread at all? Its like tickling a girl when you were in highschool; didn't mean anything, you're just fooling around.
She is just trying to be liked in the office.
Wow... already said this and completely glazed over by OP.
Maybe because I have never seen Karon post something worthwhile and once again s/he's completely off base.
daedalus wrote:It sounds like she likes you. Perhaps you should talk to someone a little closer to the situation who knows you (and maybe even her) a bit better than the random intranetz people. Relationships and human interaction are sketchy enough things without throwing the work element into the mix. Personally, I'd just roll with it, feeling good about the fact that chicks are interested in me, but I've got a strict no-work policy. Though where I work does nothing to actively discourage it, it's just too much hassle and god knows this job is complicated enough as is.
Internet Mode:
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY PUNCH HER IN THE FACE WHILE SCREAMING "IT'S OVER 9000!" LOL!!!!11eleven1
Ugh.
I've actually become friends with her older sister who is really cool. She said that her sister probably just likes me at as a friend. /shrug That's probably accurate enough.
On a DBZ note we call one of our bosses Nappa.
Now that you know her sister, here's your chance to start a threesome.
1) Are you single? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 1a.
1a) Are you in an open relationship, or are you a cheater? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2) Do you want to hit that? If yes, go to 2a. If no, go to 3.
2a) Hit that. Was it good? If yes, go back to 2a. If no, go to 8.
3) Tell her "I'm sorry, but I'm just not comfortable with this. Please don't do it again." If she stops, go to 5. If she continues, go to 3a.
3a) Begin a log detailing when and how the inappropriate contact happened, as well as details of your interactions with 3rd parties about this issue (especially HR). Go to 3b.
3b) Go to HR and report a formal sexual harassment complaint. Did HR fix the problem? If yes, go to 5. If no, go to 4.
4) Hire a lawyer and sue them. Are you now rich? If yes, go to 6. If no, go to 7.
5) Congratulations! You're successfully and properly dealt with the situation. Hopefully, you two can retain a professional level of interactions, but, if not, don't worry. She was crazy anyway.
6) Congratulations! You're now rich! Time to quit your job and live like a king. Perhaps a bit of blow and that girl from work is a good place to start...
7) Well, you've probably lost your job and have nothing to show for it. But, who needs that job anyway? They were a bunch of pricks.
8) You've really screwed things up. There's not much you can do at this point. You'll be faced with some awkward circumstances at work, and expect to hear from HR about a formal reprimand and possible firing.
1) Are you single? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 1a.
1a) Are you in an open relationship, or are you a cheater? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2) Do you want to hit that? If yes, go to 2a. If no, go to 3.
2a) Hit that. Was it good? If yes, go back to 2a. If no, go to 8.
3) Tell her "I'm sorry, but I'm just not comfortable with this. Please don't do it again." If she stops, go to 5. If she continues, go to 3a.
3a) Begin a log detailing when and how the inappropriate contact happened, as well as details of your interactions with 3rd parties about this issue (especially HR). Go to 3b.
3b) Go to HR and report a formal sexual harassment complaint. Did HR fix the problem? If yes, go to 5. If no, go to 4.
4) Hire a lawyer and sue them. Are you now rich? If yes, go to 6. If no, go to 7.
5) Congratulations! You're successfully and properly dealt with the situation. Hopefully, you two can retain a professional level of interactions, but, if not, don't worry. She was crazy anyway.
6) Congratulations! You're now rich! Time to quit your job and live like a king. Perhaps a bit of blow and that girl from work is a good place to start...
7) Well, you've probably lost your job and have nothing to show for it. But, who needs that job anyway? They were a bunch of pricks.
8) You've really screwed things up. There's not much you can do at this point. You'll be faced with some awkward circumstances at work, and expect to hear from HR about a formal reprimand and possible firing.
What Grakmar said, I think he just finished the thread for us.
1) Are you single? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 1a.
1a) Are you in an open relationship, or are you a cheater? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2) Do you want to hit that? If yes, go to 2a. If no, go to 3.
2a) Hit that. Was it good? If yes, go back to 2a. If no, go to 8.
3) Tell her "I'm sorry, but I'm just not comfortable with this. Please don't do it again." If she stops, go to 5. If she continues, go to 3a.
3a) Begin a log detailing when and how the inappropriate contact happened, as well as details of your interactions with 3rd parties about this issue (especially HR). Go to 3b.
3b) Go to HR and report a formal sexual harassment complaint. Did HR fix the problem? If yes, go to 5. If no, go to 4.
4) Hire a lawyer and sue them. Are you now rich? If yes, go to 6. If no, go to 7.
5) Congratulations! You're successfully and properly dealt with the situation. Hopefully, you two can retain a professional level of interactions, but, if not, don't worry. She was crazy anyway.
6) Congratulations! You're now rich! Time to quit your job and live like a king. Perhaps a bit of blow and that girl from work is a good place to start...
7) Well, you've probably lost your job and have nothing to show for it. But, who needs that job anyway? They were a bunch of pricks.
8) You've really screwed things up. There's not much you can do at this point. You'll be faced with some awkward circumstances at work, and expect to hear from HR about a formal reprimand and possible firing.
Heh.
Anyways, it's still kinda awkward.
The way I see it I have three choices.
1) Pursue it.
-The Good - It could work out.
-The Bad - It could not work out.
-The Ugly - It could make working there very awkward.
2) Ignore her.
-The Good - Job security.
-The Bad - No lovin' for me. -The Ugly - It could have been something special. lulz
3) Wait for her to do something.
-The Good - I've got chicks chasing me.
-The Bad - If she actually is interested, I don't think she has the nerve to do anything.
-The Ugly - Can't think of one.
1) Are you single? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 1a.
1a) Are you in an open relationship, or are you a cheater? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2) Do you want to hit that? If yes, go to 2a. If no, go to 3.
2a) Hit that. Was it good? If yes, go back to 2a. If no, go to 8.
3) Tell her "I'm sorry, but I'm just not comfortable with this. Please don't do it again." If she stops, go to 5. If she continues, go to 3a.
3a) Begin a log detailing when and how the inappropriate contact happened, as well as details of your interactions with 3rd parties about this issue (especially HR). Go to 3b.
3b) Go to HR and report a formal sexual harassment complaint. Did HR fix the problem? If yes, go to 5. If no, go to 4.
4) Hire a lawyer and sue them. Are you now rich? If yes, go to 6. If no, go to 7.
5) Congratulations! You're successfully and properly dealt with the situation. Hopefully, you two can retain a professional level of interactions, but, if not, don't worry. She was crazy anyway.
6) Congratulations! You're now rich! Time to quit your job and live like a king. Perhaps a bit of blow and that girl from work is a good place to start...
7) Well, you've probably lost your job and have nothing to show for it. But, who needs that job anyway? They were a bunch of pricks.
8) You've really screwed things up. There's not much you can do at this point. You'll be faced with some awkward circumstances at work, and expect to hear from HR about a formal reprimand and possible firing.
Wow. I wish I could flowchart decision-making like this.
Kilkrazy wrote:Anyway, do please let us know how you get on!
I work with her again in a couple of days. We'll see what happens. I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but she friended on me Facebook. I've communicated her with a little bit since then trying to form a better picture of who she is.
Kilkrazy wrote:Anyway, do please let us know how you get on!
I work with her again in a couple of days. We'll see what happens. I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but she friended on me Facebook. I've communicated her with a little bit since then trying to form a better picture of who she is.
Thats not smart. Its excellent evidence her lawyer can use in the future.
Kilkrazy wrote:Anyway, do please let us know how you get on!
I work with her again in a couple of days. We'll see what happens. I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but she friended on me Facebook. I've communicated her with a little bit since then trying to form a better picture of who she is.
Thats not smart. Its excellent evidence her lawyer can use in the future.
The apocolypse is coming... Im beginning to agree with you more often!
Kilkrazy wrote:Anyway, do please let us know how you get on!
I work with her again in a couple of days. We'll see what happens. I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but she friended on me Facebook. I've communicated her with a little bit since then trying to form a better picture of who she is.
Has she seemed eager to ask you alot of questions about yourself?
Slash her tires, then when she asks you why you did it, tell her you don't know.
Just man up and tell her to please stop touching you during work hours, it makes you feel uncomfortable. Don't go to HR. Just deal with her first, like adults. Only if she persists should you go to HR and tell them.
Gitkikka wrote:Next time she hits you, jump straight up and shout "Come at me bro!" The look of confusion will be worth it.
Not one to be left out apparently, a chick at work wants my balls. Issue being, she has a boyfriend. Each day the physical contact has increased, and I've told her one or two of my stories and she's super into it. Does it make me a horrible person (I'll settle for bad) if I A) do her, knowing she has a boyfriend or B) let her know that I know she has a boyfriend but I'll still play along if she wants first, then do her (basically give a disclaimer)? Id gladly be the third but I don't think the guy would be into it.
Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Not one to be left out apparently, a chick at work wants my balls. Issue being, she has a boyfriend. Each day the physical contact has increased, and I've told her one or two of my stories and she's super into it. Does it make me a horrible person (I'll settle for bad) if I A) do her, knowing she has a boyfriend or B) let her know that I know she has a boyfriend but I'll still play along if she wants first, then do her (basically give a disclaimer)? Id gladly be the third but I don't think the guy would be into it.
Well, first of all, if I were in your shoes, I would figure out just how big and fast this boyfriend is, and then proceed from there.
It's getting to the point where I no longer care about what happens because it so freaking funny.
Anyways, I'm minding my own business and doing my job as usual. (On a side note I had like Powerthirst levels of energy today)
The girl comes up to me and says to me kind of quietly, "It's okay Amaya, I love you."
I think to myself "WTF" and say, "Err, okay." She replies a little annoyed, "Never mind." So I say, "I just don't know what you mean."
She replies, "Not like that! That's nasty!"
In close, I'm about 90% sure that she's just friendly to people in general (or at least to people who are pleasant.) The other 10% of me is going "Damn so, you dun goofed."
But all in all I am still so baked that I don't care what is going on. Time for beer pong!
Edit: I see four potential plausible possibilities.
1) She has a severe crush and was crushed when I didn't respond in kind.
2) She has a slight crush and was annoyed when I didn't respond in kind.
3) She's on the fence.
4) She considers me a friend at best and was grossed out when I took her joking comment to potentially mean something else.
/shrug
Who knows how their mind works? I sure as hell don't. (Which is why I typically don't give a FF)
I talked to the girl's sister and said that I think like this girl (despite her craziness ;D). She told me that I should tell her.
My sister and a couple of friends also advised me to ask this girl to hang out some time.
It's too crowded to ask at work and I don't want someone to overhear. Regardless of whether or not she says yes or no, I don't want the knuckleheads there bothering me about it.
So, I sent her a message just asking that if she's free some time would she like to hang out. I haven't heard anything back in a couple of days.
I'm a little confused and annoyed now. Hopefully its just that she hasn't seen the message, but I can't help but feel like I goofed up.
Heh. I don't know. I don't know what her game is. She really didn't talk to anyone that day. Her sister said that she was having a bad day.
Her older sister was one of the ones who advised me to talk to her in the first place actually.
Yeah, I'm going to talk to her tomorrow. I'm basically going to say, "Hey, if you don't want to hang out, that's cool. It's your decision to make and I respect it. Hopefully we can still be friends. I won't bring it up again.."
I finally asked her at work if she was mad at me. She gave me a deer in the headlights and didn't reply. When I got home I had a message on FB from her, saying "No. I'm not mad. Its just better if stay distant."
I reply, "That's fine. I'm more than happy to be nothing more than friends with you."
She replies with, "..."
Frustrated, I say, "I don't understand. What did I do wrong?"
Her: "idk..."
Me: "Can't you give me a straight answer?"
Her: "I can't."
My sister thinks that she's either being a bitch or that she doesn't know how to communicate.
Breaking my new Frazzled stay out of OT screed here but, frankly I think you're an idiot for this whole sad escapade.
You've set yourself up for a joyous bad day at black rock employment wise, with what could be a very kooky woman (or you're the wackjob and don't grasp whats really going on). Either way:
1. Defriend yourself from her FB. Now.
2. Do not be alone with her at work from now on.
3. At work remain civil but only civil and business like.
4. DO NOT see her outside of work.
Breaking my new Frazzled stay out of OT screed here but, frankly I think you're an idiot for this whole sad escapade.
You've set yourself up for a joyous bad day at black rock employment wise, with what could be a very kooky woman (or you're the wackjob and don't grasp whats really going on). Either way:
1. Defriend yourself from her FB. Now.
2. Do not be alone with her at work from now on.
3. At work remain civil but only civil and business like.
4. DO NOT see her outside of work.
Why so mean?
I do understand what you're saying. This is what I think.
She doesn't like me, but for some reason won't say so. Doesn't make sense to me. Aside from my stature, which isn't even particularly big to begin with (6' 190), I am a non threatening person. My bosses like me, I joke with them a lot, I get along with pretty much everyone I work with there, and I'm generally considered a decent and friendly person. (Yes, from time to time I can see rude things to people on forums, my apologies)
She just likes me as a friend. What's the deal here? I told her that was fine.
She likes me, but doesn't want to be in relationship, is socially awkward, insert multiple other reasons here. /shrug 'tis possible.
She's freaking nuts. Sadly, this is possible. Is this what you're thinking Frazzled?
Amaya wrote:She just likes me as a friend. What's the deal here? I told her that was fine.
Not really:
Amaya wrote:I reply, "That's fine. I'm more than happy to be nothing more than friends with you."
This smacks of desperation. Maybe she doesn't even want to be friends with you.
There may also be some other issue that's complicating things. For example, a pending-but-not-quite-ripe breakup with a soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend. Or a stalker. Who knows.
Alternatively, she may simply be crazy. This is should not be discounted.
I am going to be brutally honest here (ok not really if I were brutally honest I’d be slamming you against the wall merely to accentuate my point). OK, again I am only posting because you’re potentially going to get very very hurt here, and not emotionally (who cares about that) but in the old pocketbook. You’ve set yourself up to be the potential subject of a government lawsuit. DO YOU GET THAT???
She doesn't like me, but for some reason won't say so. Doesn't make sense to me. Aside from my stature, which isn't even particularly big to begin with (6' 190), I am a non threatening person. My bosses like me, I joke with them a lot, I get along with pretty much everyone I work with there, and I'm generally considered a decent and friendly person. (Yes, from time to time I can see rude things to people on forums, my apologies)
Again this goes back to the above. You’re talking high schooler bs here. None of that matters for the world of hurt you’ve opened yourself up to. Put on your big girl panties and snap the feth out of it.
She just likes me as a friend. What's the deal here? I told her that was fine.
***Maybe so maybe not. Maybe she’s nuts. Maybe you’re nuts. But at any point she can file a complaint against you, and potentially with merit at this point. When the best case scenario is getting fired, maybe you’ll understand.
She likes me, but doesn't want to be in relationship, is socially awkward, insert multiple other reasons here. /shrug 'tis possible.
***Maybe so maybe not. Maybe she’s nuts. Maybe you’re nuts. But at any point she can file a complaint against you, and potentially with merit at this point. When the best case scenario is getting fired, maybe you’ll understand.
She's freaking nuts. Sadly, this is possible. Is this what you're thinking Frazzled?
***Maybe so maybe not. Maybe she’s nuts. Maybe you’re nuts. But at any point she can file a complaint against you, and potentially with merit at this point. When the best case scenario is getting fired, maybe you’ll understand.
So again, Defriend her or whatever. Do not communicate with her AT ALL outside of a work environment. Assume you are being watched in any further communications you have with her at this point. Always, always, have another person in the room with you at all times she is about.
Hopefully you will learn from this incredible lapse in judgment and not do it again, but only if you understand what you did.
Business is business, outside of work is separate. Keep them that way.
No...there is a huge difference between being paraniod and in acting in your own best interest....the potential for this situation to become a gak storm is quite clear...but perhaps you'll have to get smacked over the head with it before you get that...
Never mind. You're probably right. To prove that to her you're really a fun guy and can indeed be just a friend (at least for now until she sees your good side) I'd send pictures of yourself through FB on her wall of all the parties and events you have been to. That should help her understand you're on the up and up. I'd leave notes on her desk reminding her to check her FB for these pics in case there's a glitch and she is not getting them. Remember if she doesn't reply to these, there could be a glitch so be sure to re-send them to her. Sometimes it takes three or four times for her to get them or catch them, even if they look like they are already there.
Yeah, I think you're being paranoid here Frazzled, because everyone else I've talked to about this does not consider it to be remotely serious in legal terms. In fact no one has even mentioned that.
Just you.
Now people have told me to steer clear because that girl obviously has problems of some sort.
Amaya wrote:Yeah, I think you're being paranoid here Frazzled, because everyone else I've talked to about this does not consider it to be remotely serious in legal terms. In fact no one has even mentioned that.
Just you.
Now people have told me to steer clear because that girl obviously has problems of some sort.
You're completely correct. I am overly paranoid. As I noted, there's undoubtedly some miscommunication. let her see the real you.
Sexual Harassment
It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment can include “sexual harassment” or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.
Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general.
Both victim and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.
Although the law doesn’t prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).
The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Facts About Sexual Harassment
Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Title VII applies to employers with 15 or more employees, including state and local governments. It also applies to employment agencies and to labor organizations, as well as to the federal government.
Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment.
Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances, including but not limited to the following:
The victim as well as the harasser may be a woman or a man. The victim does not have to be of the opposite sex.
The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, an agent of the employer, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or a non-employee.
The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive conduct.
Unlawful sexual harassment may occur without economic injury to or discharge of the victim.
The harasser's conduct must be unwelcome.
It is helpful for the victim to inform the harasser directly that the conduct is unwelcome and must stop. The victim should use any employer complaint mechanism or grievance system available.
When investigating allegations of sexual harassment, EEOC looks at the whole record: the circumstances, such as the nature of the sexual advances, and the context in which the alleged incidents occurred. A determination on the allegations is made from the facts on a case-by-case basis.
Prevention is the best tool to eliminate sexual harassment in the workplace. Employers are encouraged to take steps necessary to prevent sexual harassment from occurring. They should clearly communicate to employees that sexual harassment will not be tolerated. They can do so by providing sexual harassment training to their employees and by establishing an effective complaint or grievance process and taking immediate and appropriate action when an employee complains.
It is also unlawful to retaliate against an individual for opposing employment practices that discriminate based on sex or for filing a discrimination charge, testifying, or participating in any way in an investigation, proceeding, or litigation under Title VII.
Reading through this thread, Amaya, I'm not going to lie, you should be careful. Extremely careful. It's very easy for a man, especially a physically imposing man, to quickly become the bad guy in the eyes of the law and your employer. If this woman feels slighted and is "freaking nuts," there's nothing to stop her from legally going Necromunda on your posterior.
So if she SEEMS strange enough that you feel physically uncomfortable, stay as far away from her as you can without alerting her that you're avoiding her. Be nice, smile at her and nod, but treat her the way you'd treat any other coworker.
Hopefully, though, she just has an adorable crush on you and just can't get up the courage to ask you out.
Frazz may be taking the possibilities to an extreme Amaya but you should really be heeding his advice, as having read this entire thread (especially the whole Facebook debacle) it doesn't seem out of the question.
If it was me I'd just leave the situation be. Only talk to her in the work environment, and generally don't give the whole matter much thought again. If she makes a decision she'll probably let you know. Furthermore, if anything does go wrong in a work environment the whole situation will rapidly go south.
Frazz is the freakin Man. Ignore his sound, and expert advice ('School of Hard Knocks' is a hard University!!!) at your peril.
I'm very serious about this. He has actually given you the soundest advice of all.
The sarcasm was in the entirely correct tone, based on your denial of the obvious facts.
Fact is - I read this TRAIN WRECK from the OP.
1. THE CHICK IS NUTS. IT'S LIKE 12 YEAR OLD BEHAIVIOR TO INITIATE PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT THIER PERMISSION.
2. She has control issues. Whist you were in the "WTH is going on" time, she was in control - you were wondering what to do, when and how. When you decided 'I'll crap where I eat" - she freaked out - thus the lame replies to your fairly simple questions. Again. Control.
3. The barest of contact(And I DONT mean physical), only whilst around other workmates is the room you have painted yourself into.