Well, I'm always up late, and I'm pretty much a NEET( not enough entertainment), watching anime, playing games and the such. Anyways, I was just looking at the mail to pass the time, and I found a letter from russia, so I opened it up, and to my suprise, it's from a man who says he's my father, anyways, the letter is pretty specific about him wanting to see his only son, and how he thinks I've become a good man, I mean, I try to do the right thing, but, I'm afraid that if my father sees me like this, I'll disappoint him, or he'll hate me, so my question is what do I do?

Become a coal miner.


I honestly doubt he will hate you unless he is a stereotypical anti capitalist Russian. He obviously wants to see you, as long as you don't show up wearing a cosplay outfit, I'd say you would get along grand.

Toastedandy wrote:Become a coal miner.


I honestly doubt he will hate you unless he is a stereotypical anti capitalist Russian. He obviously wants to see you, as long as you don't show up wearing a cosplay outfit, I'd say you would get along grand.

That was clever, coal miner, it made me giggle.

To be honest, I never met my father, my mama always said he left before I was born, so I guess I'm just a little anxious.

Thanks though

If you don't 'live up' to his expectations why should you care? He isn't or won't be a major influencing factor on your life.

I know, you're right, it's just that growing up, I never had a male role model or father figure(kind of the reason I am the way I am now), it was just me, my mama and my sisters, it would be nice to have a full family, like you see on tv, but, you're right, it really shouldn't matter.

Even if he wasn't a major influence, he is still your dad. If your the only male heir to him, you are the one to carry on the proud name of _scarlet.

Toastedandy, you're on the money today, that's twice you've made me giggle, you make a good therapist.

But, you're right, he is my father, and I am his son, even if I'm different.

Make sure he is your real dad and not a serial killer first. if he is, GET A JOB, YOU BUM!


Spruce yourself up, clean your home and put on some good clothes.

I know what you mean though, I do know my dad, but he is so distant to me, he might as well be in russia.

Look at the bright side...maybe he's loaded and is gonna offer up a huge inheritance.

That seems pretty common ineptus, personally I live 20 minutes from my father and we might see each other twice a year if one of those times is accidental.

Remilia if your father has been gone your whole life you should probably meet him for YOUR sake, not for his. He made a decision to not get to know you a long time ago and I wouldn't put too much of your hopes into having a relationship with him. It would be nice if it happened but you shouldn't expect it cause your just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Yeah, ineptus, I definitely will, kinda scary that it could happen.

I'm definitley going to clean up, wear some nice dresses, get my hair done at the salon, and cook a nice meal.

As for the thing about fathers, I remember seeing on tv once that 90% of the time, it's the father that leaves, so I understand what you mean, it's not fun being distant from your family, I've grown distant from most of mine.


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You're right grabzak, I need to do this for me, not him, and if he's an ass, I'm not losing anything.


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Lukus83 wrote:Look at the bright side...maybe he's loaded and is gonna offer up a huge inheritance.

He could be, he was an officer during the soviet era, and my mama always said he was a penny pincher, so he could have a small fortune. I wish I had a rich family though.

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yeah, I guess.

@grabzak: you seem to mistake me for an adult , naw, I am 15, I live with both my parents, the live-in maid and my older causins so I am genarally 'left alone' so to speak.

The point with my dad is he never realy tried do do anything that really endeared me to him, we threw a baseball around at the YMCA once or thrice, but that's about it. he is working 24/7 and when he is not...I take after him physacly, but my 'disposition' comes from the Norman side (my mom's side) I tend to be cracking jokes, working on writing of my own and keeping a messy room. he tends to work on poetry, his own writing and stuff for events in nepal. so we are not really much alike, that tends to depress me, 100% of my friends have dads who are all active and stuff...so I get kind of touchy on the 'dad' subject.

So, Remilia, be outgoing, act like you would want your son to act like and everything should be fine

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well, I'm always up late, and I'm pretty much a NEET( not enough entertainment), watching anime, playing games and the such. Anyways, I was just looking at the mail to pass the time, and I found a letter from russia, so I opened it up, and to my suprise, it's from a man who says he's my father, anyways, the letter is pretty specific about him wanting to see his only son, and how he thinks I've become a good man, I mean, I try to do the right thing, but, I'm afraid that if my father sees me like this, I'll disappoint him, or he'll hate me, so my question is what do I do?

Get an axe, get a leather jockstrap, some mushrooms, and go A Viking?
Wait, is he a Russian oligarch billionaire? If so, say hello to your new paycheck, er Dad.
Alternatively do you have any bo stick skills?

Hey, man, this person is meeting his/her (don't know your gender) father for the first time, show some respect.

(told you I get touchy on the subject)

Thanks ineptus.

I dunno troy, I grew accustomed to being the clerk of a costume shop

But, it's worth a shot, it's not like I'm going to break a nail or anything. I doubt my dad is rich, but money isn't important, love is.


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Well, ineptus, I'm a guy, but I look and dress like a woman.

remilia_scarlet wrote:
But, it's worth a shot, it's not like I'm going to break a nail or anything. I doubt my dad is rich, but money isn't important, love is.

Poverty changed my view on that years ago.



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ineptus astartes wrote:Hey, man, this person is meeting his/her (don't know your gender) father for the first time, show some respect.

(told you I get touchy on the subject)

You're on a board called Dakka Dakka. Seriously.

to be honest i don't like my family.at all. so i cant give much advice on the issue. but a few things:

A) check and make sure he is the real deal.
B) be yourself.
C) don't take crap from him. (both metaphorically and literally )
D) don't expect to much. don't expect to little.
E) meet him only if you truly want to.

Yes, but LCK, you openly played a character who murdered his family in one of our RPGs

Tell him to take it with a grain (mound) of salt.

ineptus astartes wrote:Yes, but LCK, you openly played a character who murdered his family in one of our RPGs

yes. yes i did.

...
...
...You are a strange, strange little texan.

Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

@indeptus:awwww.thanks! ^^

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

Well, it depends, if he is like my uncle forest (I really hope he is not) then he would flip out.

If he is prepared to just live with it and accept it, dislikes or not (which is what a good father does) then you are in luck.

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

When you get older, you'll realize no one is "normal," yet - absent serial killers et al - we all really are.

You're right ineptus, he'll just have to... wait for it... *puts on shades*... deal with it.

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

im not normal. and who care about his opinion,he left when you were a kid,he gets no opinion. if he wanted you to e in his image ha should've stayed.

@Troy:

I am damn sure I am not normal.

I have ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, an OCD, some stuff I forgot the name of.

I write Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction for christ sakes!

warranted, all of them involve gunfights, murder mysteries and incredibly heroic things like that (why did Dennis not just shoot them when he had the chance?)

Troy wrote:

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

When you get older, you'll realize no one is "normal," yet - absent serial killers et al - we all really are.

my misses is real happy for me, but, I'm just anxious, when I turned 19, I realized everyone is different, but, like you said, we're all normal, it just doesn't feel that way.

Ineptus: You're better off in life if you don't identify yourself with reference to "conditions".

It's pretty usual as a teenager (and even into your twenties) to be defining yourself with relation to your peers, so I won't bother contesting your statements about normality. But I will say that most of the people you consider normal probably have their own foibles and oddities that you do not see.

Remilia: Since you know nothing about your Dad, and you are a transvestite, it's probably pretty sensible to be nervous about it. Does your Dad know you are a transvestite? It may be that he has no problem with it, equally, he may strongly disapprove. You should consider carefully whether meeting him or sharing that information with him is likely to make both of you happier or unhappier.

Your misses? You mean your wife/girlfriend?

I think you meant 'Missus'

ineptus astartes wrote:Your misses? You mean your wife/girlfriend?

I think you meant 'Missus'

Yeah, I believe so, english is my second language, so I have a few misses here and there, but yeah, I have a fiancé, she's my world.

OK
...
boy, am I tired, I have this weird feeling of wanting to go to sleep at 6:42 PM. Coffee time.

ineptus astartes wrote:@Troy:

I am damn sure I am not normal.

I have ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, an OCD, some stuff I forgot the name of.

I write Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction for christ sakes!

warranted, all of them involve gunfights, murder mysteries and incredibly heroic things like that (why did Dennis not just shoot them when he had the chance?)

You sound like my neighbor across the street (ADHD), the one next door (Dyslexia), and my wife (OCD).

And don't be sdissing the awesome power of Spongebob. One Barnacle to find them, and in the ocean bind them!

Oh good, another fan 'peace brotha'

My SB fics are 'Hunting the Wolf' and 'Devil's Anvil' just so you know.

were do you post these stories?

on topic:about how old do you think your dad is?

(FanFiction.net, the link is in my sig, WARORK's stuff is the best out there. he goes by 'H4WX)

now lets get back on topic.

lord commissar klimino wrote:were do you post these stories?

on topic:about how old do you think your dad is?

In his late 40's early 50's, I guess.

Ineptus, a coffee doesn't sound too bad, I might go get one myself.

I also want to thank everyone for their help and support.

No problem, 'A friend in need is a friend indeed' I think that's how it goes.

If your Dad wasn't around when you grew up, you'll have picked up an odd trait or two.
Everyone does, but some things are often known to contribute, such as single-parent upbringings.

Not that I know firsthand how these things go, but it's likely to be an interesting meeting.
Try not to get too defensive, or to point blame. You have a fiancé, what more could a Dad want?

Grandkids.

So much teenage angst in this thread.

SO?!?! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!!?!

EXCREMENT!!!!!

Ahem, sorry.

I would have thought the meaning was clear?

ineptus astartes wrote:Grandkids.

teeth?

Da Boss wrote:Ineptus: You're better off in life if you don't identify yourself with reference to "conditions".

It's pretty usual as a teenager (and even into your twenties) to be defining yourself with relation to your peers, so I won't bother contesting your statements about normality. But I will say that most of the people you consider normal probably have their own foibles and oddities that you do not see.

Remilia: Since you know nothing about your Dad, and you are a transvestite, it's probably pretty sensible to be nervous about it. Does your Dad know you are a transvestite? It may be that he has no problem with it, equally, he may strongly disapprove. You should consider carefully whether meeting him or sharing that information with him is likely to make both of you happier or unhappier.

Best advice so far, maybe you should warn him in advance that you're a transvestite or just not bring it up and dress in some boy's. Do what you feel is best though.

Da Boss wrote:Remilia: Since you know nothing about your Dad, and you are a transvestite, it's probably pretty sensible to be nervous about it. Does your Dad know you are a transvestite? It may be that he has no problem with it, equally, he may strongly disapprove. You should consider carefully whether meeting him or sharing that information with him is likely to make both of you happier or unhappier.

To further touch on this:

You seem to bring up the transvestism thing constantly. Even when it isn't even tangentially related to the conversation topic. Are you always cross-dressing or is it something that you only do once in a while? If it's the latter you could always, you know, not be dressed as a woman when you meet the guy for the first time if you're worried about his reaction.

If it's the former, I mean, be who you want to be and all. Either he'll accept you or he won't; that's on him. The only reason I'm saying this is because it seems that you're concerned about it.

Albatross wrote:So much teenage angst in this thread.

Thank you.

I was trying to explain the glut of derisive feelings that reading this thread was inducing; this summed it up nicely.

ineptus astartes wrote:I think you meant 'Missus'

Did you really just attempt to correct someone else's grammar?

Monster Rain wrote:

Albatross wrote:So much teenage angst in this thread.

Thank you.

I was trying to explain the glut of derisive feelings that reading this thread was inducing; this summed it up nicely.

Agreed.

Monster Rain wrote:Did you really just attempt to correct someone else's grammar?

No, it was his spelling.

htj wrote:

Monster Rain wrote:Did you really just attempt to correct someone else's grammar?

No, it was his spelling.

"Misses" and "Missus" are two different words.

Monster Rain wrote:

htj wrote:

Monster Rain wrote:Did you really just attempt to correct someone else's grammar?

No, it was his spelling.

"Misses" and "Missus" are two different words.

Indeed. He had spelt one incorrectly and so it resembled the other.

*deep breath*

ineptus astartes wrote:SO?!?! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!!?!

My advice:

Never forget who you are, for surely the world won’t. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.

htj wrote:

Monster Rain wrote:

htj wrote:

Monster Rain wrote:Did you really just attempt to correct someone else's grammar?

No, it was his spelling.

"Misses" and "Missus" are two different words.

Indeed. He had spelt one incorrectly and so it resembled the other.

*deep breath*

You can't possibly know that. I guy like remilia probably has a straight up harem; he could easily have been referring to multiple young women.

(gasp)

Back on topic, now? Take the last word in our little exchange here, if it please you m'lord..

I will concede you the last word, sir, with all respect and honour given.

Instead, I shall respond to this:

Monster Rain wrote:You seem to bring up the transvestism thing constantly. Even when it isn't even tangentially related to the conversation topic. Are you always cross-dressing or is it something that you only do once in a while? If it's the latter you could always, you know, not be dressed as a woman when you meet the guy for the first time if you're worried about his reaction.

It would seem fair to assume that tranvesticism is something that is an integral part of remilia's character. (Is this fair to say, remilia?) If so, it would be disingenuous to suggest otherwise to him. I agree that it would be a good idea to present oneself in a more neutral fashion on the first meeting, in order to oil the wheels of such a delicate situation, but it would be my advice to at least bring it up during the meeting.

And, I will say this directly to remilia as it seems more proper: This is a man who abandoned your family when you were at a very young age. He did not raise you, and you owe him nothing. You are who you are and if that disappoints him then it must be his cross to bear, not yours. Respect yourself above all things, the onus is on him to make amends. Good luck in this.

htj wrote:And, I will say this directly to remilia as it seems more proper: This is a man who abandoned your family when you were at a very young age. He did not raise you, and you owe him nothing. You are who you are and if that disappoints him then it must be his cross to bear, not yours. Good luck in this.

Indeed. AS the Wife would say, "he's not your father, he's your sperm donor."

<text redacted; inappropriately rude. Broadcast mode active: If you don't care to read someone else's posts, you can make use of the "Ignore" feature; responding to them emotionally will likely cause you trouble>

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dogma wrote:

ineptus astartes wrote:SO?!?! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!!?!

My advice:

Never forget who you are, for surely the world won’t. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.

Jeezus christ. can't I post up some sarcasm once in a while?

ineptus astartes wrote:

Monster Rain wrote:

ineptus astartes wrote:I think you meant 'Missus'

Did you really just attempt to correct someone else's grammar?

Yes, I did, now stop acting like a troll...oh, wait, thats right. you are a troll. you seem to hate me in particular, now feth off, jerk.

And yet, I never insulted you. I just thought that a post correcting someone else's spelling/grammar that wasn't punctuated properly was amusing, that's all.

Your total lack of consideration for forum rules (spamming, flaming, complete disregard for basic grammar) don't make me hate you, but I do feel compelled to attempt to help you correct the error of your ways. Take a deep breath, friend.

ineptus astartes wrote:
Jeezus christ. can't I post up some sarcasm once in a while?

That was aimed at the thread more than you.

Though, regarding sarcasm: Sure, once we get to know you we'll even pick up on it.

htj wrote:And, I will say this directly to remilia as it seems more proper: This is a man who abandoned your family when you were at a very young age. He did not raise you, and you owe him nothing. You are who you are and if that disappoints him then it must be his cross to bear, not yours. Respect yourself above all things, the onus is on him to make amends. Good luck in this.

This is true.

I know it's probably a little more complicated on an emotional level, but this person basically is a stranger. You've gotten along for this long without him, right?

Remilia, be careful if you do meet this man. As others have said, this is not your "dad", this someone claiming to have provided the sperm then bailed. His sudden desire to come back into your life in this way indicates he probably needs something, be that money, emotional support, forgiveness, whatever. The motivation is going to be something HE needs... if it was about you, he would have been there all along.

Just be very careful, OK? Meet in a public place. I know he has your address, since a letter was sent, but ensure there are other people around when (if) you meet him. Have a friend there with you, and meet in public. Make the first meeting short, over coffee or something. You will need to break the ice a bit and you both will need to understand what this all means.

Also, this could all be a scam. Here's long lost daddy-o, and oh, so sad, he needs a couple hundred bucks for an operation. Or maybe just needs a place to stay for a while (then can rob you blind). Anyone who has heard (even tangentially) about your situation could easily manufacture this sort of scam. There are people who milk lonely old people of all their savings; there is no depth that scammers won't sink.

Seriously, be careful.

As far as your appearance, be you. This person is nothing to you but a source of DNA, if that is even true. Don't compromise who you are for a total stranger. You owe him nothing. If he freaks out, that is why you must be in public... walk away and call security or police.

Hopefully this will be a chance to get to know your father. Who knows, he may become your Dad over time. I've said before, but again, please just be careful.

I wish you well and best of luck! Update the thread when you decide what you will do, OK?

Anything that I would have mentioned has already been said.

I wonder if your father is more worried about meeting you than you meeting him. I think the fact that he sent you a letter may indicate the amount of guilt/regret he must be feeling. Perhaps he fears you hate him. Or maybe he is desperate. Who knows.

Be yourself anyway. As tenuous as an internet forum member's support is, you still have mine anyway. I hope it goes well.

Gymnogyps wrote:Remilia, be careful if you do meet this man. As others have said, this is not your "dad", this someone claiming to have provided the sperm then bailed. His sudden desire to come back into your life in this way indicates he probably needs something, be that money, emotional support, forgiveness, whatever. The motivation is going to be something HE needs... if it was about you, he would have been there all along.

Just be very careful, OK? Meet in a public place. I know he has your address, since a letter was sent, but ensure there are other people around when (if) you meet him. Have a friend there with you, and meet in public. Make the first meeting short, over coffee or something. You will need to break the ice a bit and you both will need to understand what this all means.

Also, this could all be a scam. Here's long lost daddy-o, and oh, so sad, he needs a couple hundred bucks for an operation. Or maybe just needs a place to stay for a while (then can rob you blind). Anyone who has heard (even tangentially) about your situation could easily manufacture this sort of scam. There are people who milk lonely old people of all their savings; there is no depth that scammers won't sink.

Seriously, be careful.

As far as your appearance, be you. This person is nothing to you but a source of DNA, if that is even true. Don't compromise who you are for a total stranger. You owe him nothing. If he freaks out, that is why you must be in public... walk away and call security or police.

Hopefully this will be a chance to get to know your father. Who knows, he may become your Dad over time. I've said before, but again, please just be careful.

I wish you well and best of luck! Update the thread when you decide what you will do, OK?

Again, very good words.

Indeed, a very well thought out and prudent post.

I haven't even considered the "scammer/needs a couple hundred bucks" angle.

That's an excellent call.

Well, I'll gather more info before I invest my time and heart into it, I want this to be 100% legit, but, it is possible he could not be my father, but a scammer, and again, I appreciate all of your support, I've got a question only my real father would know, based on what my mama has told me about him growing up. If he answers wrong, he's not my father.

I guess I'm just being optimistic, and gymnogyps, monster rain, goddard, toastedandy, ineptus, klimino and da boss, I'll tell you how it turns out, I'm really hoping he is, I would love to talk to him, I envy people who have both parents together, maybe this will be a step closer. And again, thank you all for your support.

I hope it all goes well for you. Just don't let it get to you when things don't work out or are not what you expect it to be.

Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst and good luck.

I was hoping Albatross had posted in this thread and I was not disappointed.

Thanks kimzy, you're right, I just gotta hope things work out.

Well what you want to do when you meet him is defeat him in a gladiatorial contest of strength preferably whilst wielding a mighty broadsword and utterly emasculate him in the process to prove your superiority as a man. Then after landing the finishing blow rip off his head holding it aloft for all to see, rip out his heart just as its about to beat its last and eat it. (make sure raucous death metal plays the entire time)


In all seriousness Id recommend severe caution do you have any reason to believe / know that hes in Russia ?, do you know anyone who might even in passing have had contact with him in all these years ?. Also how did he get your address / know anything about you, I mean he said he thought you've become a good man so i can only presume there must be some middle party here ?.
Also as stated above you don't owe this man anything but regardless he is still your genefather, forged of his loins you are his legacy and / or will made manifest and I would imagine that he feels strongly about you perhaps more so then you feel about him.
There's no point in burning bridges whats done in the past is done and hes not the man that walked out on you as a child, hell i cant remember the statistic but aren't we biologically a completely different person every 7-8 years ?.
Take every day as it comes and be open minded there will be certain things that you don't agree on, you'll have to come to terms with this but its really a matter of what you put in you get out if he is the real deal then you share a bond that no amount of time or distance could ever break and you owe it to yourself at least to get to know the man , if not for anything other then satisfying your own morbid curiosity .
Feel free to raise your fists to the heavens and cry out your anguish to the uncaring silence of infinity if things don't go well, on that note do keep us all posted how it went ^^, I like to think at here at dakka dakka were in a way a deranged sort of family .

C-3

Well, it turns out he's my father, after a 3 hour talk on the phone. He's something else, not what I expected at all, , I plan on talking some more later today. I'm happy right now, il keep updated.

thats good. i wish you the best of luck!

Grats man! I'd be anxious too.
I wouldn't worry much about that. If he cares after so many years, I doubt he would turn on you because of that, even if he might be shocked at first.

Excellent news, mate. Though this might be a bit late, I'm saying it anyway.

"Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment"

Thanks everyone, I was talking with him again earlier, he doesn't seem to mind too much, he's a little shocked, but, he understands why I am the way I am. He asked if my mother had spoiled the suprise, because she told me he's been trying to make things right, I can't forgive him, but, I still love him none the less. Hopefully, he'll be here in the next week, with my mother.

Well, that's a fantastic outcome. I'm really pleased for you.

remilia_scarlet wrote:Thanks everyone, I was talking with him again earlier, he doesn't seem to mind too much, he's a little shocked, but, he understands why I am the way I am. He asked if my mother had spoiled the suprise, because she told me he's been trying to make things right, I can't forgive him, but, I still love him none the less. Hopefully, he'll be here in the next week, with my mother.

I feel bad every time something like this comes up ,because I love my parents despite their many flaws. My personality doesn't really match well with my mother's (she's OCD about cleaning and has a tendency to repeat herself over and over again), but other than that, I don't have any real issues with them.

It makes me feel lucky, and feel sorry for people like the OP. Hope it gets better...

Melissia, thank you, I do too. :')

remilia_scarlet wrote:Thanks everyone, I was talking with him again earlier, he doesn't seem to mind too much, he's a little shocked, but, he understands why I am the way I am. He asked if my mother had spoiled the suprise, because she told me he's been trying to make things right, I can't forgive him, but, I still love him none the less. Hopefully, he'll be here in the next week, with my mother.

^ Exalted
That's my response

:3

Yay for good news! I hope you two can become friends.

Thank you kimzy, I do too.

Monster Rain wrote:I haven't even considered the "scammer/needs a couple hundred bucks" angle.

That's an excellent call.

Yeah, haven't you seen LOST? Locke's dad only got in touch to steal his kidney!


Anyway, good luck to you Scarlet, and look after your kidneys.

Medium of Death wrote:
If you don't 'live up' to his expectations why should you care? He isn't or won't be a major influencing factor on your life.

I agree completely with you. My own dad left me when I was a kid, and never showed up again. If he came back all of a sudden and demanded me to change for him, I would say GTFO.

To OP: Just act as usual. Be yourself. If he contacted you, it is obvious that he still likes you, and would like to see how you have grown up and what you are interested in. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you will be more successful than I have ever been.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Gymnogyps wrote:Remilia, be careful if you do meet this man. As others have said, this is not your "dad", this someone claiming to have provided the sperm then bailed. His sudden desire to come back into your life in this way indicates he probably needs something, be that money, emotional support, forgiveness, whatever. The motivation is going to be something HE needs... if it was about you, he would have been there all along.

Just be very careful, OK? Meet in a public place. I know he has your address, since a letter was sent, but ensure there are other people around when (if) you meet him. Have a friend there with you, and meet in public. Make the first meeting short, over coffee or something. You will need to break the ice a bit and you both will need to understand what this all means.

Also, this could all be a scam. Here's long lost daddy-o, and oh, so sad, he needs a couple hundred bucks for an operation. Or maybe just needs a place to stay for a while (then can rob you blind). Anyone who has heard (even tangentially) about your situation could easily manufacture this sort of scam. There are people who milk lonely old people of all their savings; there is no depth that scammers won't sink.

Seriously, be careful.

As far as your appearance, be you. This person is nothing to you but a source of DNA, if that is even true. Don't compromise who you are for a total stranger. You owe him nothing. If he freaks out, that is why you must be in public... walk away and call security or police.

Hopefully this will be a chance to get to know your father. Who knows, he may become your Dad over time. I've said before, but again, please just be careful.

I wish you well and best of luck! Update the thread when you decide what you will do, OK?

However, this is also important to keep in mind.

Thank you ambrosius, I appreciate your advice.

Glad to hear things seem to have started off well!

Good! Things seem to be starting off well.

Troy wrote:

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

When you get older, you'll realize no one is "normal," yet - absent serial killers et al - we all really are.

You need to be old to tell that there is no such thing as normal?? Better go dig my grave then and im only 20.

OT though, just dont jump straight in at the deep and turn up at a bar or w/e fully female dressed. Since he probly doesnt know much about you he is more than likely expecting a son.

You would need to try build up trust between you and him before revealing that you are in fact a transvestite, and if you do tell him then explain why you are.

I went through somethin a bit similar with my girlfriend although Id rather not say more about it since I know one of my friends may(probly very slim chance) see this.

Take it slowly and it should all be fine.

EDIT: DERP, didnt realise the 3 page spread..... makes most of what i said irrelevant since well its been covered

johnscott10 wrote:

Troy wrote:

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

When you get older, you'll realize no one is "normal," yet - absent serial killers et al - we all really are.

You need to be old to tell that there is no such thing as normal?? Better go dig my grave then and im only 20.

OT though, just dont jump straight in at the deep and turn up at a bar or w/e fully female dressed. Since he hasnt met much of you he is more than likely expecting a son.

You would need to try build up trust between you and him before revealing that you are in fact a transvestite, and if you do tell him then explain why you are.

I went through somethin a bit similar with my girlfriend although Id rather not say more about it since I know one of my friends may(probly very slim chance) see this.

Take it slowly and it should all be fine.

I think you should read the thread, friend : )

Good start, it would seem.

Read edit in my above post.

johnscott10 wrote:Read edit in my above post.

lol...damnit.

Thank you everyone, it seems like thing will improve over time. And gain, thank you all for your support.

no problem, glad to hear that things are going OK.

what ^ said.

remilia_scarlet wrote:^ Exalted
That's my response

Thats too easy. My caterpillar sense is tingling. Be careful.

Any news?

Yes, him and my mother will be coming to visit me in a few days, thank you for asking.

remilia_scarlet wrote:Yes, him and my mother will be coming to visit me in a few days, thank you for asking.

You live in your own apartment? And/or house?

remilia_scarlet wrote:Yes, him and my mother will be coming to visit me in a few days, thank you for asking.

Watch your back jack.

Goddard wrote:

remilia_scarlet wrote:Yes, him and my mother will be coming to visit me in a few days, thank you for asking.

You live in your own apartment? And/or house?

I live in a house, it's just a regular house.



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Frazzled wrote:Watch your back jack.

Will do, I'm going to keep my guard up.

I don't know you and don't have any valid advice for pleasing your old man then accepting his offers of Vodka.


I hope everything goes okay with you.

Shadowbrand wrote:I don't know you and don't have any valid advice for pleasing your old man then accepting his offers of Vodka.


I hope everything goes okay with you.

Thank you, your advice is valid to me.

Sweet.

I have -distant- relatives that live in Norway. But their people who have no clue who I am and I will likely never meet. So it's entirely unlike your situation.

There is a Russian dude at the local shop I play at. He's pretty legit and knows how to handle a gun and his booze. He's a bro.

Shadowbrand wrote:Sweet.

I have -distant- relatives that live in Norway. But their people who have no clue who I am and I will likely never meet. So it's entirely unlike your situation.

There is a Russian dude at the local shop I play at. He's pretty legit and knows how to handle a gun and his booze. He's a bro.

I know how you feel, I have a lot of family who doesn't know I exist, but, then again, all I need is my immediate family.

That russian guy sounds pretty cool, da?

He plays a mean game of 40k and gives me a run for my money in a drinking contest. And I have Russian -and- Scottish blood so I can stomach quite a bit.


I look like a fething dwarf to boot.

There's nothing wrong with looking like a dwarf, I pick dwarves over elves in fantasy setting games.

Daddy issues are hot...

Or, you could look at it from the Barney Stinson angle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xC1a16sq2Ag

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOFCPzyJKHA

Those were funny.

Remember one thing and one thing only. You do not need to live up to his expectations. If anything he need to prove himself to you. He removed himself from your live and now he wants back in. Let him prove why you should let him. Without his help you grew up to become you and if he has a problem with that then he should feth off. He did not want to be part of your life as you grew up to become who you are today. Wich means he does not have the right to judge you who you are today.

Anyway i hope he is just interrested in you and simply wants to know you. All i can say is be yourself and remember he might just be as worried about meeting expectations as you are.

Cheesecat wrote:

remilia_scarlet wrote:Thanks everyone, I was talking with him again earlier, he doesn't seem to mind too much, he's a little shocked, but, he understands why I am the way I am. He asked if my mother had spoiled the suprise, because she told me he's been trying to make things right, I can't forgive him, but, I still love him none the less. Hopefully, he'll be here in the next week, with my mother.

Oh my yes

Thank you, you're absolutely right, I'm me and nothing else, if he doesn't approve, who needs him.

remilia_scarlet wrote:Thank you, you're absolutely right, I'm me and nothing else, if he doesn't approve, who needs him.

QFT - If he really wants to be in your life, he has to be in the one you have. him if he won't accept you. Hope it all works out in the end.

Thank you, he's on his way, he'll be here tomorrow, I'm anxious and excited. If he turns out to be a jerk, then, who needs him, I'm just glad my mother is going with him to visit, the miss is not too happy about meeting her future in-laws.


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When I say tomorrow, I mean Tuesday, since it's technically Monday right now.

Just to clear it up, your grew up with your (biological) mother right? Only asking because you're saying your father will be visiting with her which suggests the two of them are still together?

Also, if you don't mind me asking, what were the circumstances of the separation? I see a lot of "You owe him nothing, he left you blah blah blah" from people that don't know you/your story. It seems kinda unfair to the man to assume that he 'abandoned' you, but I might have a different perspective on this given the circumstances of my own childhood and my sisters childhood (hint: its not always the fathers fault if the kids grow up without him).

I'm excited for you Rem! I hope things turn out great!

They're seperated, still, my mother just wants things to work out between me and my father, and it's an excuse to meet my fiancé.

I've asked him why he left, and he says it was because he was a fool, he says that he was already married to another woman when he was seeing my mother, my mother not knowing, so when she found out, he bailed on her. Like I've said, I love him, but, I'll never forgive him.

remilia_scarlet wrote:They're seperated, still, my mother just wants things to work out between me and my father, and it's an excuse to meet my fiancé.

I've asked him why he left, and he says it was because he was a fool, he says that he was already married to another woman when he was seeing my mother, my mother not knowing, so when she found out, he bailed on her. Like I've said, I love him, but, I'll never forgive him.

I'm so nervous for you!

Thanks Djphranq, I'm looking forward to it.

Don't be, goddard, I'm hoping things turn out well, I don't approve of what he did, but, we're all human after all.

Scary! Good luck.

thank you, I'm hoping things will turn out ok.