Recently me and my other half have had some problems, wont go into detail, but they involved someone at my local games club. We've managed to sort them, but now apparently she isn't welcome there any more, making my experience much less enjoyable.

This question probably has an obvious answer, but what would you guys do?

Would you try to sort things out to how they used to be? Or just go back to gaming at your own place?



Thanks in advance to all who reply and hopefully help


LazzurusMan

I know you dont want to go into detail but, without it there isn't a whole lot to go on.

I would probably find another store, if theres one within a respectable distance.

Without detail its impossible to know if they or she are/were acting like ass or unreasonable. So giving advice is a bit hard. But in general:

If they at the club are bad, move along and find someone else to play with that makes it fun. Life's too short to play with jerks.

Unfortunately the club isn't at a store...and the nearest place I can got to play is about 30 minutes away...and It's a GW...


But long story short on the whole problem thing, she had feeling for he, he had feelings for she, she was with me, he wanted to be with she, she chose me, he angry :/


So yeah...to me it seems like he...and the other at the the club and that run it, are being very immature...

I was too slow. Asuming that all that happend was your partner told someone they did not like them, I would say if your both comftable going back then ignore the person causing trouble and get on with your life. With something like that, as long as nither of you agitate the situation, then it;s not your problem.

Worst thing is, the others at the club have nothing to do with it.


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Paul wrote:I supose it depends on who is "at fault" and what the reason for the disagreement. It also depends on what the people at the club are like.

Explained above you :/

LazzurusMan wrote:Worst thing is, the others at the club have nothing to do with it.


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Paul wrote:I supose it depends on who is "at fault" and what the reason for the disagreement. It also depends on what the people at the club are like.

Explained above you :/

Ye. Sorry. You posted whilst I was typing

Ninja'd


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Not dislike...the other way around...


And she has been told to stay away because of it :/

Hi, I'm the "other half" basically, I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him, and he told me (plus all his family and friends) between the two of them they made me choose, I chose the guy I was with and had loved for 6 years, I upset the other guy.

With people at club.. some of them are this other guys family (hence why I'm not welcome anymore) and all the reast (i think) are friends with both guys.. hardly know me so it don't matter. I think they are just looking out for a friend, and I'm the one in the wrong so I accept I'm not welcome there.. but as of now (i thnk) I'm the only one who has been basically told they are unwelcome. They are all lovely people, they just dont like seeing people they care about hurt.

Hope This helps with any advice.

VampyreWyche wrote:Hi, I'm the "other half" basically, I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him, and he told me (plus all his family and friends) between the two of them they made me choose, I chose the guy I was with and had loved for 6 years, I upset the other guy.

With people at club.. some of them are this other guys family (hence why I'm not welcome anymore) and all the reast (i think) are friends with both guys.. hardly know me so it don't matter. I think they are just looking out for a friend, and I'm the one in the wrong so I accept I'm not welcome there.. but as of now (i thnk) I'm the only one who has been basically told they are unwelcome. They are all lovely people, they just dont like seeing people they care about hurt.

Hope This helps with any advice.

Unfortunately this creates a feeling of un-welcome-ness and I don't see how I can continue to play somewhere that will not allow someone to play because of personal feelings that have nothing, or at least had nothing to do with them until the afore mentioned "friend" involved them in something personal :/
Hope that's enough explaining for you ^^

That's a whole load of awkward. May I ask how recent this was?

I don't see how you've done wrong, he should get over it.

This was about a week ago, and In a breaking turn of events apparently this is all temporary, until it's sorted *which to me and the other half, it is* this is how it'll be.

The afore mentioned friend just needs to grow up and accept what's happened :/

Which they supposedly can...

it possibly wont be temporary for me, don't see why. I'd only been to the club twice.

Hardly any of them know me so it's not like it even matters

LazzurusMan wrote:Ninja'd


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Not dislike...the other way around...


And she has been told to stay away because of it :/

Sorry, poor choice of words...

As for talk of hurting others... Maybe there was some poorly thought out choices and comments, but the others need to grow up. However we only know half the story.

So the hurt is still raw. Might be a good idea for the other half to give the club a berth for a few weeks until the guy has some time to come to terms with what has happened. Hopefully get over it. As for grow up, telling someone you have feelings for them, and then choosing the other guy over them (even with such a long standing relationship) will have hurt his feelings, and a little bad blood is to be expected. Give it some time, and all will hopefully be well. If not, I'd look for another club, and tell the guy to grow up. Hope this helps.

Unfortunately this is all made worse by the fact that he's waiting until my other half comes back from Uni at christmas. He then wants to see her, which IMHO is only going to make it more complicated :/


When did the wargaming scene get so dammned confusing and personal?

VampyreWyche wrote:I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him, and he told me (plus all his family and friends)

Right here is when it got complicated and personal.

As for the Christmas talk, that could be good or bad. If he's still wound up and it gets angry, then you're probably looking for a new gaming club. Hopefully he'll think about it and come to terms with it in the intervening period and either decide he doesn't need to talk with her, or the talk will be a good bandage, everyone will be fine and normal service will resume. If he's in anyway mature I would expect the latter. Hope it goes well for you, and good luck!

So let me get this straight; some feller cracked on to the OPs missis, she said take a hike feller, OP didn't cave the fellers skull in, the feller gets all weepy and embarrassed so gets friends and family to ban her and put the OP in this situation.

It seems like this club is home to some right tuggers to me. The feller should be the one banned for cracking onto someone's GF. That's really not on and in any normal environment (a pub!!) would be met with violence and piss taking of the feller!

OP and Mrs OP should stride back in there and set up for a game. The cowardly sorts you describe will probably not have the stones to say a word. I'm also betting that the people that run the club don't give a fig so if asked would (should) back you.

If they dont name and shame them here, I would hate to accidentally go there and meet this sort of person.

Thank you, it's good to know that there are indiscriminate people who can help with matters like this


How I love the internet XD

@ notprop: It was slightly more mutual than that and thus a bit more of a delicate situation.

notprop wrote:So let me get this straight; some feller cracked on to the OPs missis, she said take a hike feller, OP didn't cave the fellers skull in, the feller gets all weepy and embarrassed so gets friends and family to ban her and put the OP in this situation.

It seems like this club is home to some right tuggers to me. The feller should be the one banned for cracking onto someone's GF. That's really not on and in any normal environment (a pub!!) would be met with violence and piss taking of the feller!

OP and Mrs OP should stride back in there and set up for a game. The cowardly sorts you describe will probably not have the stones to say a word. I'm also betting that the people that run the club don't give a fig so if asked would (should) back you.

If they dont name and shame them here, I would hate to accidentally go there and meet this sort of person.

Not true, they both had/have feelings for each other. Her feelings for me are just stronger, making it worse and understandable on his part.

Well he wont have a way to talk to me when I am home, I'm home for three weeks, one of them (and every weekend) I will be at my Grandmothers house.
Have no internet to contact him with.

Plus as I have three essay due and an exam the first day back of Uni and another exam 3 days later, so I will be VERY busy so wouldnt have time to see him anyway. So he wont see me till Easter now. Should be over all this by then (fingers crossed).

Thanks for all your help and understanding

VampyreWyche wrote:Well he wont have a way to talk to me when I am home, I'm home for three weeks, one of them (and every weekend) I will be at my Grandmothers house.
Have no internet to contact him with.

Plus as I have three essay due and an exam the first day back of Uni and another exam 3 days later, so I will be VERY busy so wouldnt have time to see him anyway. So he wont see me till Easter now. Should be over all this by then (fingers crossed).

Thanks for all your help and understanding

Sounds like you should be all right then, he should be fine by then. Happy Gaming!

Thanks again for all your help

Unfortunately I will not be returning to the club until this is sorted, I don't want to make things any more complicated than they are :/

No bother, and once again, good luck!

LazzurusMan wrote:

notprop wrote:So let me get this straight; some feller cracked on to the OPs missis, she said take a hike feller, OP didn't cave the fellers skull in, the feller gets all weepy and embarrassed so gets friends and family to ban her and put the OP in this situation.

It seems like this club is home to some right tuggers to me. The feller should be the one banned for cracking onto someone's GF. That's really not on and in any normal environment (a pub!!) would be met with violence and piss taking of the feller!

OP and Mrs OP should stride back in there and set up for a game. The cowardly sorts you describe will probably not have the stones to say a word. I'm also betting that the people that run the club don't give a fig so if asked would (should) back you.

If they dont name and shame them here, I would hate to accidentally go there and meet this sort of person.

Not true, they both had/have feelings for each other. Her feelings for me are just stronger, making it worse and understandable on his part.

Missed that bit, that makes it rather more complex.

While I applaud your Missus' honesty about having feelings about this bloke, having a GF that plays wargames isn't so important that I would stomach this sort of behaviour. I take it all back if she is leading people on then they are rightly pissed.

This is a mess but it shouldn't be affecting you or your gaming OP. Don't finad another gaming club find another GF. Hell shes already started looking!

notprop wrote:While I applaud your Missus' honesty about having feelings about this bloke, having a GF that plays wargames isn't so important that I would stomach this sort of behaviour. I take it all back if she is leading people on then they are rightly pissed.

This is a mess but it shouldn't be affecting you or your gaming OP. Don't finad another gaming club find another GF. Hell shes already started looking!

This isn't the case, and she hasn't, she has a thing about mistaking her feelings.

He has taken this all out of proportion by not accepting the decision that has been made and has made it worse.

I will not be going back for a while, not until this is all resolved

VampyreWyche wrote:Hi, I'm the "other half" basically, I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him, and he told me (plus all his family and friends) between the two of them they made me choose, I chose the guy I was with and had loved for 6 years, I upset the other guy.

With people at club.. some of them are this other guys family (hence why I'm not welcome anymore) and all the reast (i think) are friends with both guys.. hardly know me so it don't matter. I think they are just looking out for a friend, and I'm the one in the wrong so I accept I'm not welcome there.. but as of now (i thnk) I'm the only one who has been basically told they are unwelcome. They are all lovely people, they just dont like seeing people they care about hurt.

Hope This helps with any advice.

A perfect example of etiquette in relationships. When you are in a committed relationship you simply DO NOT form close friendships with people of the opposite sex. Casual "see you next game" stuff is fine. Giving them your phone number, adding them to your social networks, etc is just out. You just dont do it. If you feel the need to, perhaps you should not be in a relationship at the time.


Trust me, Ive been down that road before...only ends badly.

I haven't had allot of chance to talk to her, so I'm fine with her making close friends to talk to.

I'm going to say this just to stop anyone saying things, I Intend to marry her, so I know things are going to be fine, and that there is no need to find anyone else.

LazzurusMan wrote:I haven't had allot of chance to talk to her, so I'm fine with her making close friends to talk to.

I'm going to say this just to stop anyone saying things, I Intend to marry her, so I know things are going to be fine, and that there is no need to find anyone else.

Until this situation reoccurs with the best man, eh? Terrible of me, I know. But, yeah - it's a bad situation to be in. I've got personal experience with the whole 'dating someone, feelings for someone else' situation - I was the culprit - and it ended with one person in tears and two strained relationships. Baaaaad times with the drama llama. Man, did High School suck.

Well we're both sure about all this, we've got through it, he just needs to get over it now

lol your girl only been to the club twice and already started a "intimate relationship" with a fellow gamer. Yeah boy you better watch her more closely, imagine going out to a dance club with her lol

Mad4Minis wrote:
A perfect example of etiquette in relationships. When you are in a committed relationship you simply DO NOT form close friendships with people of the opposite sex. Casual "see you next game" stuff is fine. Giving them your phone number, adding them to your social networks, etc is just out. You just dont do it. If you feel the need to, perhaps you should not be in a relationship at the time.


Trust me, Ive been down that road before...only ends badly.

...really? Honestly, if you aren't secure enough to have friendships with other people of the same/opposite/Slaaneshi sex, how committed is your relationship to begin with?

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

Mad4Minis wrote:
A perfect example of etiquette in relationships. When you are in a committed relationship you simply DO NOT form close friendships with people of the opposite sex. Casual "see you next game" stuff is fine. Giving them your phone number, adding them to your social networks, etc is just out. You just dont do it. If you feel the need to, perhaps you should not be in a relationship at the time.


Trust me, Ive been down that road before...only ends badly.

...really? Honestly, if you aren't secure enough to have friendships with other people of the same/opposite/Slaaneshi sex, how committed is your relationship to begin with?

Well said, Cannerus!

SonsofVulkan wrote:lol your girl only been to the club twice and already started a "intimate relationship" with a fellow gamer. Yeah boy you better watch her more closely, imagine going out to a dance club with her lol

Nowhere does it say intimate relationship, they were friends, nothing more.

LazzurusMan wrote:

SonsofVulkan wrote:lol your girl only been to the club twice and already started a "intimate relationship" with a fellow gamer. Yeah boy you better watch her more closely, imagine going out to a dance club with her lol

Nowhere does it say intimate relationship, they were friends, nothing more.

VampyreWyche wrote:Hi, I'm the "other half" basically, I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him...

Now, 'feelings' is pretty vague. After all, the average human is capable of feeling a range of emotions. Who am I to say that the 'feelings' mentioned above are those associated with amorous intent?

Also, shouldn't this be in OT?

It was about a wargames club originaly, now we're discusing my personal life :/


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I don't mind btw, I'm getting some good opinions

LazzurusMan wrote:It was about a wargames club originaly, now we're discusing my personal life :/

Public forum negates personal life. And my Cannerus senses are tingling here that you're not as safe in your relationship as you think. I don't really know people who arbitrarily have feelings for others after meeting them twice to the point that someone would ask them to end a 6 year relationship. I'm admitting I don't have very many details, but this all just sounds really fishy.

On the off chance, everyone keep their troll shields up. Something seems off.

LazzurusMan wrote:It was about a wargames club originaly, now we're discusing my personal life :/

Just you wait - in another two pages it'll be all Ward-hate and cat pictures. Cause this is internets.

But, hey - how's that old saying go? 'That which does not kill us makes us stronger'? (Nietzsche, by the way. Awesome guy). I'll take a stab and say the same applies to relationships.

...Ugh. That's enough optimism for today. I need to go kick some puppies now.

That quote is true, we've come out of it stronger


And I understand it sounds fishy...I've had my worries :/

You asked for it!

Thanks...I needed a laugh XD

Cat's, amusing humanity since the build-a-mummy kit in Egyptian times!

infinite_array wrote:Now, 'feelings' is pretty vague. After all, the average human is capable of feeling a range of emotions. Who am I to say that the 'feelings' mentioned above are those associated with amorous intent?

by feelings okay i meant more than friendship.. him more with me than i did with him, and i will never love this other guy as much as i do my boyfriend (i have loved him for SIX years) I doubt I will ever love anyone as much as I love him.

"I Intend to marry her"
Does she know this? Has she said yes, or is she not ready for this most serious of commitments. And if so, is a date set (or is this a pie-in-the-sky engagement).
Side issue: Lady says she was at the club twice, yet develops strong feelings towards the other party. After 2 visits? Or was their some extra-curricular activity outside the gaming environment that led to the bond forming?
And if this occurs while in a State of Engagement, what does that portend for the State of Marriage?
(NOTE: My 1st marriage ended due to her feelings for a co-worker being acted upon...I KNOW from whence I speak).

So, in short; the lady got close to someone in the local social group. The lady tells 3rd party of these feelings (and admits after-the-fact of the utter stupidity of this action...has she learned rom this or will this be a common occurence?). 3rd party places lady in the most childish of situations...stay with him or excommunication from the game-group. Lady rejects him (and rightly so if he is going to be such an adolescent dolt) and in his butt-hurt nerd-rage makes you a target as well.

The 30 minute drive to another gameing group would be well worth the time and effort. That, or start your own group with folks who are a bit more adult in their manners and relationships.

We are not currently engaged, yet she knows I intend to ask.
She was talking to him allot through social networks, I couldn't talk to her so she talked to someone else that could...unfortunately it led to this.

LazzurusMan wrote:We are not currently engaged, yet she knows I intend to ask.

gak or get off. Ask her properly man!!

I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

...not to be mean (since, clearly, this disclaimer completely releases me from any responsibility ), but this will be irrelevant in less than a year. I bid you good day.

What will be irrelevant and why???

I'm getting confused now XD

dkellyj wrote:"I Intend to marry her"
Does she know this? Has she said yes, or is she not ready for this most serious of commitments. And if so, is a date set (or is this a pie-in-the-sky engagement).
Side issue: Lady says she was at the club twice, yet develops strong feelings towards the other party. After 2 visits? Or was their some extra-curricular activity outside the gaming environment that led to the bond forming?
And if this occurs while in a State of Engagement, what does that portend for the State of Marriage?
(NOTE: My 1st marriage ended due to her feelings for a co-worker being acted upon...I KNOW from whence I speak).

So, in short; the lady got close to someone in the local social group. The lady tells 3rd party of these feelings (and admits after-the-fact of the utter stupidity of this action...has she learned rom this or will this be a common occurence?). 3rd party places lady in the most childish of situations...stay with him or excommunication from the game-group. Lady rejects him (and rightly so if he is going to be such an adolescent dolt) and in his butt-hurt nerd-rage makes you a target as well.

The 30 minute drive to another gameing group would be well worth the time and effort. That, or start your own group with folks who are a bit more adult in their manners and relationships.

Lady does know his intentions, haven't said yes as he hasn't asked yet. But intends to. Therefore a date isn't set, but I would ideally like to finish my degree and get Teaching qualification and a job first. And I am also very ill with a lot of things wrong with me, most days I need to talk to someone in order to see the point of doing everyday things. My boyfriend knows this, and he couldn't talk, this other guy could. And just by talking we got to know things about each other. I would NEVER cheat on anyone, I have had that happen to me and the other girl was my best friend. I wouldn't ever do that to anyone, least of all if that person was my Husband. And yes I have learned from this. I have trouble trusting people as I have been hurt way too much in the past, yet I fall in love easily. I have major trust issues due to being hurt and lied to all my life. And living around people that constantly put me down. So I hate myself more than enough, and would never ever dream of cheating on anyone. They are just feelings, i have goteen used to hiding them over the years I had 4 years of hiding my feelings for my boyfriend after all.

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

Trolled?

I'm serious


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But maybe moving to OT would be a good idea :/

LazzurusMan wrote:
But maybe moving to OT would be a good idea :/

That would be the worst idea.



Sounds like your GF should have kept her mouth shut and said i'm sorry but i'm with X.

Mad4Minis wrote:

VampyreWyche wrote:Hi, I'm the "other half" basically, I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him, and he told me (plus all his family and friends) between the two of them they made me choose, I chose the guy I was with and had loved for 6 years, I upset the other guy.

With people at club.. some of them are this other guys family (hence why I'm not welcome anymore) and all the reast (i think) are friends with both guys.. hardly know me so it don't matter. I think they are just looking out for a friend, and I'm the one in the wrong so I accept I'm not welcome there.. but as of now (i thnk) I'm the only one who has been basically told they are unwelcome. They are all lovely people, they just dont like seeing people they care about hurt.

Hope This helps with any advice.

A perfect example of etiquette in relationships. When you are in a committed relationship you simply DO NOT form close friendships with people of the opposite sex. Casual "see you next game" stuff is fine. Giving them your phone number, adding them to your social networks, etc is just out. You just dont do it. If you feel the need to, perhaps you should not be in a relationship at the time.


Trust me, Ive been down that road before...only ends badly.

I have to echo this point as well. Being married myself and having had dealt with this issue, because I am a bit of a flirt apparently, it is respectful to your partner. But that is me and how we deal with it.

OTH, if it works for you two and you are both OK about this, then fine...Really, this isn't what the OT is about, though.

My thought - Shut-it-down, its over. Don't consider going back because it will never be like how it was, or even close. This is the price for playing it loose.

Nothing will destroy a most gaming groups faster then sex/sexual tension.
My Own Example - I was in a RPG group where there was four guys and one girl. The guy who was DMing was engaged to the girl but she was attracted to myself and one other guy. *Some varied adult content*...the group broke up, her and the DM broke up and she married the other guy. The one other guy in the group was married so he wasn't an option for her.

infinite_array wrote:

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

And I'm slightly offended btw...just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I can't think about these sorts of things and mean it :/

ERP...teenage kids...well that makes things mucho-different. You two are in the heat of puppy-love...a love for which you are certain no man has ever felt so strongly towards any woman.
But thats fine. At least your trying to be an adult in this situation.
But what this calls out for is a act of such childish wanton in-your-face activity that next week we will be getting 3rd parties Dakka thread of anguish and butt-hurt.

I reccomend you set up a game with anyone else in the store EXCEPT the 3rd party guy (even better if its someone taking your side who would not mind being in on the show...even tossing the game to you to make the show better). But make sure its at a time when 3rd party guy will be their. Then show up with GF in tow...not as a player, just as a casual observer and supportive GF. GF atire MUST be in something showy. Cleavage and leg and skin-hugging. Makes the boys eyes pop out and wander over her "huge tracts of land." Then, everytime you make that saving throw or pass a critical leadership, have little miss plant a kiss on your mouth or remark how stellar you are in congrats. Make sure when she does that you give her butt an appreciative rub (ensuring 3rd party sees this). Let the sexual tension fly and rub it in his face. After the game, on your way out have her drop a comment loud enough for all to hear that the only thing better than your gaming ability is your bedroom abilities.
Watch the nerd-rage fly and have a good laugh all the way home...then go find another group or make your own with people who will be more mature in their social relationships.

infinite_array wrote:We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

Did I not call it?

Are you sparkly in sunlight

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

infinite_array wrote:We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

Did I not call it?

All hail Cannerus! Predictor of Threads and Teller of Trolls!

LazzurusMan wrote:
And I'm slightly offended btw...just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I can't think about these sorts of things and mean it :/

It is exactly because you're 17 is why you can't think about these sort of things and mean it.

Just runing the maths you are 17. Been going out for 6 years takes us back to 11. Gf says she hid feelings for you for four years takes us to 7. It does appear rather trollish.

Since we're sharing...

A friend once told me that there's three kinds of people when it comes to relationships:

Those that are committed to their partner.

Those that are committed to their partner, but may look elsewhere when they don't get what they want/need from them.

Those that are committed to themselves.


My wife used to be the third kind of person before we decided to date. I, as they say, "made her an honest woman."

I thought I was the first kind of person until we had lived together long enough for our personalities to grate and reach the straining point of our ability to compromise and communicate. It was at this time that I met someone else who seemed much more compatible, made me feel awesome to be around. Except that I was still in a relationship with my wife.

For me, the right decision was to stay with my wife and work out our problems. I said goodbye (not without heartache) to the other woman and committed myself to understanding my woman and helping her to understand me. We have an amazing relationship that our friends and family look to as an example of how things can work between two loving people.

I sincerely hope that this is a one-time occurance for you both and that you use it to temper the strength of your relationship. The best thing you can be is honest with one another, especially about your feelings towards other people.

infinite_array wrote:

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

I was gonna get all fiery with my post but now... whats the point.

The gist of it would have been...

Sounds like she led another guy on, keep that money you're planning on spending on the ring.

Ma55ter_fett wrote:
Sounds like she led another guy on, keep that money you're planning on spending on the ring.

On the plus side, he can afford a new army.

Having waded back in after my first post, I only have one piece of advice:

You all need to grow the hell up and act like adults. Seriously.

Oh yeah like that's going to happen you poopy head!

Yeah the bigger boys made us do it sir

ProtoClone wrote:

I have to echo this point as well. Being married myself and having had dealt with this issue, because I am a bit of a flirt apparently, it is respectful to your partner. But that is me and how we deal with it.

OTH, if it works for you two and you are both OK about this, then fine...Really, this isn't what the OT is about, though.

My thought - Shut-it-down, its over. Don't consider going back because it will never be like how it was, or even close. This is the price for playing it loose.

Nothing will destroy a most gaming groups faster then sex/sexual tension.
My Own Example - I was in a RPG group where there was four guys and one girl. The guy who was DMing was engaged to the girl but she was attracted to myself and one other guy. *Some varied adult content*...the group broke up, her and the DM broke up and she married the other guy. The one other guy in the group was married so he wasn't an option for her.

There is a difference between being a flirt, and leading people on though. Its not just that the guys lady was just flirting with the club person, but apparently they had formed some sort of relationship (her having said that she would never love anyone MORE than her current boyfriend leads me to believe she felt some feelings of love towards the person at the club, and him formed feelings towards her).

xcarbonx wrote:

ProtoClone wrote:

I have to echo this point as well. Being married myself and having had dealt with this issue, because I am a bit of a flirt apparently, it is respectful to your partner. But that is me and how we deal with it.

OTH, if it works for you two and you are both OK about this, then fine...Really, this isn't what the OT is about, though.

My thought - Shut-it-down, its over. Don't consider going back because it will never be like how it was, or even close. This is the price for playing it loose.

Nothing will destroy a most gaming groups faster then sex/sexual tension.
My Own Example - I was in a RPG group where there was four guys and one girl. The guy who was DMing was engaged to the girl but she was attracted to myself and one other guy. *Some varied adult content*...the group broke up, her and the DM broke up and she married the other guy. The one other guy in the group was married so he wasn't an option for her.

There is a difference between being a flirt, and leading people on though. Its not just that the guys lady was just flirting with the club person, but apparently they had formed some sort of relationship (her having said that she would never love anyone MORE than her current boyfriend leads me to believe she felt some feelings of love towards the person at the club, and him formed feelings towards her).

Well my own example between me and my wife and me being a flirt wasn't meant to be anything more then a side comment.

Anyway, it looks like the whole topic is a fake so it doesn't matter...but I will say this.

Forming a relationship with someone else, emotionally or physically, while still being in a relationship is still cheating.

I would dump her man.

She has already proven herself to be disloyal. She had feelings for another man while with you? Don't be a pushover, there are billions of women on the planet. You can find another.

VampyreWyche wrote:

dkellyj wrote:"I Intend to marry her"
Does she know this? Has she said yes, or is she not ready for this most serious of commitments. And if so, is a date set (or is this a pie-in-the-sky engagement).
Side issue: Lady says she was at the club twice, yet develops strong feelings towards the other party. After 2 visits? Or was their some extra-curricular activity outside the gaming environment that led to the bond forming?
And if this occurs while in a State of Engagement, what does that portend for the State of Marriage?
(NOTE: My 1st marriage ended due to her feelings for a co-worker being acted upon...I KNOW from whence I speak).

So, in short; the lady got close to someone in the local social group. The lady tells 3rd party of these feelings (and admits after-the-fact of the utter stupidity of this action...has she learned rom this or will this be a common occurence?). 3rd party places lady in the most childish of situations...stay with him or excommunication from the game-group. Lady rejects him (and rightly so if he is going to be such an adolescent dolt) and in his butt-hurt nerd-rage makes you a target as well.

The 30 minute drive to another gameing group would be well worth the time and effort. That, or start your own group with folks who are a bit more adult in their manners and relationships.

Lady does know his intentions, haven't said yes as he hasn't asked yet. But intends to. Therefore a date isn't set, but I would ideally like to finish my degree and get Teaching qualification and a job first. And I am also very ill with a lot of things wrong with me, most days I need to talk to someone in order to see the point of doing everyday things. My boyfriend knows this, and he couldn't talk, this other guy could. And just by talking we got to know things about each other. I would NEVER cheat on anyone, I have had that happen to me and the other girl was my best friend. I wouldn't ever do that to anyone, least of all if that person was my Husband. And yes I have learned from this. I have trouble trusting people as I have been hurt way too much in the past, yet I fall in love easily. I have major trust issues due to being hurt and lied to all my life. And living around people that constantly put me down. So I hate myself more than enough, and would never ever dream of cheating on anyone. They are just feelings, i have goteen used to hiding them over the years I had 4 years of hiding my feelings for my boyfriend after all.

Wall of text hurt my eyes. There is no excuse for leading other guys on, forming 'relationships' with men while in a relationship or any of the nonsense. Also, talking about yourself in the third person is creepy.

OP, you seem like you could do better. Cut the Jerry Springer crap and move on. 3 billion + women out there man.

For the sake of argument, we don't know that he can find another, not that I think she's evil by any stretch. There's never just fault on one side. Nature will take it's course here as with this thread.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:For the sake of argument, we don't know that he can find another, not that I think she's evil by any stretch. There's never just fault on one side. Nature will take it's course here as with this thread.

I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he could, seemed nice.

IdentifyZero wrote:I would dump her man.

She has already proven herself to be disloyal. She had feelings for another man while with you? Don't be a pushover, there are billions of women on the planet. You can find another.

Wall of text hurt my eyes. There is no excuse for leading other guys on, forming 'relationships' with men while in a relationship or any of the nonsense. Also, talking about yourself in the third person is creepy.

OP, you seem like you could do better. Cut the Jerry Springer crap and move on. 3 billion + women out there man.

Wow, the Dakka dating advice true to form. This place is about the worst place for relationship advice, these threads are always the same.

OP - "I live for gaming and paint 24/7, my girlfriend says she wants to spend some time with me!? What do I do?"

Dakka - "Ditch the bitch, roll them dice!"



These kids are 17. Looking at wallpaper makes the want to have sex. So there's a guy down the club that chats to her and they find each other attractive. So what? I find girls other than my wife attractive too because I'm not blind/stupid. Before it gets out of hand, girl tells other guy she's committed to current relationship. Guy gets bent out of shape. Oh well.

My advice is that everyone gets some perspective and move on/grow up.

Howard A Treesong wrote:

These kids are 17. Looking at wallpaper makes the want to have sex. So there's a guy down the club that chats to her and they find each other attractive. So what? I find girls other than my wife attractive too because I'm not blind/stupid. Before it gets out of hand, girl tells other guy she's committed to current relationship. Guy gets bent out of shape. Oh well.

My advice is that everyone gets some perspective and move on/grow up.

It wasnt just that the other guy just found her attractive though. According to OP and his lady though, there were some feelings between the lady and the other guy. It was more than just he checks her out and gets upset. You tell every one else to get perspective, but it doesn't seem like you read more than the first few posts, no offence. There is a difference between finding other attractive, and forming a relationship between an other and leading them on in it.

Howard A Treesong wrote:

IdentifyZero wrote:I would dump her man.

She has already proven herself to be disloyal. She had feelings for another man while with you? Don't be a pushover, there are billions of women on the planet. You can find another.

Wall of text hurt my eyes. There is no excuse for leading other guys on, forming 'relationships' with men while in a relationship or any of the nonsense. Also, talking about yourself in the third person is creepy.

OP, you seem like you could do better. Cut the Jerry Springer crap and move on. 3 billion + women out there man.

Wow, the Dakka dating advice true to form. This place is about the worst place for relationship advice, these threads are always the same.

OP - "I live for gaming and paint 24/7, my girlfriend says she wants to spend some time with me!? What do I do?"

Dakka - "Ditch the bitch, roll them dice!"



These kids are 17. Looking at wallpaper makes the want to have sex. So there's a guy down the club that chats to her and they find each other attractive. So what? I find girls other than my wife attractive too because I'm not blind/stupid. Before it gets out of hand, girl tells other guy she's committed to current relationship. Guy gets bent out of shape. Oh well.

My advice is that everyone gets some perspective and move on/grow up.

This wasn't an issue of just attraction, the OP 'girlfriend' was forming a 'relationship' with another guy and had developed 'feelings' because they were always 'talking' because the OP was unavailable for whatever reason.

I used lots of ' ' because the OP and his 'girlfriend' were very vague about a lot of what went on.

I dislike the use of my quote along with your analogy, as my words had nothing to do with the supposed 'Dakka' portrayal you included in your post. I didn't tell him to ditch her and keep on gaming because she wanted to spend time; I said to ditch her and find another girl because she is not loyal and there are literally billions of other women on the planet (Not all single, but if he tries, he can find another girl.. ecspecially at 17).

Seriously, these kinds of girls thrive on attention and they enjoy getting it from multiple men who will be 'in love' with them and fight over them. It's a typical teenage girl thing and something that continues on in life with some women.

There is no reason to put up with the above crap.

OP, you've lost a friend and alienated a gaming group, over a girl who couldn't be close to just one manboy. Maybe she's your first girlfriend etc.. but you will find if you open your eyes to the wider world, you don't need a drama queen.

Bails out of thread. This is going to get nasty very soon.

xcarbonx wrote:It wasnt just that the other guy just found her attractive though. According to OP and his lady though, there were some feelings between the lady and the other guy. It was more than just he checks her out and gets upset. You tell every one else to get perspective, but it doesn't seem like you read more than the first few posts, no offence. There is a difference between finding other attractive, and forming a relationship between an other and leading them on in it.

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship, they socialise and find that they have feelings. She decided to make it clear she's sticking with the current guy. The other guy gets upset because he failed to get someone else's girlfriend? Pfft, why doesn't someone tell *him* there's 3 billion other girls? People need to chill out, if you stray into becoming possessive and unforgiving then you won't have a happy life. People shouldn't be breaking up or pushing others out of their gaming club over it.

Oh, when people declare what "these kinds of girls" think, it's worth remembering she's a member of this forum posting her opinion above...

IdentifyZero wrote:

Howard A Treesong wrote:

IdentifyZero wrote:I would dump her man.

She has already proven herself to be disloyal. She had feelings for another man while with you? Don't be a pushover, there are billions of women on the planet. You can find another.

Wall of text hurt my eyes. There is no excuse for leading other guys on, forming 'relationships' with men while in a relationship or any of the nonsense. Also, talking about yourself in the third person is creepy.

OP, you seem like you could do better. Cut the Jerry Springer crap and move on. 3 billion + women out there man.

Wow, the Dakka dating advice true to form. This place is about the worst place for relationship advice, these threads are always the same.

OP - "I live for gaming and paint 24/7, my girlfriend says she wants to spend some time with me!? What do I do?"

Dakka - "Ditch the bitch, roll them dice!"



These kids are 17. Looking at wallpaper makes the want to have sex. So there's a guy down the club that chats to her and they find each other attractive. So what? I find girls other than my wife attractive too because I'm not blind/stupid. Before it gets out of hand, girl tells other guy she's committed to current relationship. Guy gets bent out of shape. Oh well.

My advice is that everyone gets some perspective and move on/grow up.

This wasn't an issue of just attraction, the OP 'girlfriend' was forming a 'relationship' with another guy and had developed 'feelings' because they were always 'talking' because the OP was unavailable for whatever reason.

I used lots of ' ' because the OP and his 'girlfriend' were very vague about a lot of what went on.

I dislike the use of my quote along with your analogy, as my words had nothing to do with the supposed 'Dakka' portrayal you included in your post. I didn't tell him to ditch her and keep on gaming because she wanted to spend time; I said to ditch her and find another girl because she is not loyal and there are literally billions of other women on the planet (Not all single, but if he tries, he can find another girl.. ecspecially at 17).

Seriously, these kinds of girls thrive on attention and they enjoy getting it from multiple men who will be 'in love' with them and fight over them. It's a typical teenage girl thing and something that continues on in life with some women.

There is no reason to put up with the above crap.

OP, you've lost a friend and alienated a gaming group, over a girl who couldn't be close to just one manboy. Maybe she's your first girlfriend etc.. but you will find if you open your eyes to the wider world, you don't need a drama queen.

Howard A Treesong wrote:

xcarbonx wrote:It wasnt just that the other guy just found her attractive though. According to OP and his lady though, there were some feelings between the lady and the other guy. It was more than just he checks her out and gets upset. You tell every one else to get perspective, but it doesn't seem like you read more than the first few posts, no offence. There is a difference between finding other attractive, and forming a relationship between an other and leading them on in it.

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship, they socialise and find that they have feelings. She decided to make it clear she's sticking with the current guy. The other guy gets upset because he failed to get someone else's girlfriend? Pfft, why doesn't someone tell *him* there's 3 billion other girls? People need to chill out, if you stray into becoming possessive and unforgiving then you won't have a happy life. People shouldn't be breaking up or pushing others out of their gaming club over it.

Oh, when people declare what "these kinds of girls" think, it's worth remembering she's a member of this forum posting her opinion above...

The main bit to pay attention to is when she says

VampyreWyche wrote:I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him, and he told me...

To me this seems rather suggestive, and apparently everyone else thought it was as well.


On a side note I was clipping my fingernails and the thumb nail clipping flew off and slipped down under the right arrow key and jamed it up .

Howard A Treesong wrote:

xcarbonx wrote:It wasnt just that the other guy just found her attractive though. According to OP and his lady though, there were some feelings between the lady and the other guy. It was more than just he checks her out and gets upset. You tell every one else to get perspective, but it doesn't seem like you read more than the first few posts, no offence. There is a difference between finding other attractive, and forming a relationship between an other and leading them on in it.

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship, they socialise and find that they have feelings. She decided to make it clear she's sticking with the current guy. The other guy gets upset because he failed to get someone else's girlfriend? Pfft, why doesn't someone tell *him* there's 3 billion other girls? People need to chill out, if you stray into becoming possessive and unforgiving then you won't have a happy life. People shouldn't be breaking up or pushing others out of their gaming club over it.

Oh, when people declare what "these kinds of girls" think, it's worth remembering she's a member of this forum posting her opinion above...

You think it's ok she was looking for another man to fufill her needs while in a comitted relationship supposedly leading to marriage?

Interesting personality trait.

I think enough has been said.

Howard A Treesong wrote:

xcarbonx wrote:It wasnt just that the other guy just found her attractive though. According to OP and his lady though, there were some feelings between the lady and the other guy. It was more than just he checks her out and gets upset. You tell every one else to get perspective, but it doesn't seem like you read more than the first few posts, no offence. There is a difference between finding other attractive, and forming a relationship between an other and leading them on in it.

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship, they socialise and find that they have feelings. She decided to make it clear she's sticking with the current guy. The other guy gets upset because he failed to get someone else's girlfriend? Pfft, why doesn't someone tell *him* there's 3 billion other girls? People need to chill out, if you stray into becoming possessive and unforgiving then you won't have a happy life. People shouldn't be breaking up or pushing others out of their gaming club over it.

Oh, when people declare what "these kinds of girls" think, it's worth remembering she's a member of this forum posting her opinion above...

She said that she STUPIDLY decided to tell him, which implies that it was more than just a friend ship. You are trying to write it off as nothing more than that, which by her posts, and the situation as a whole, go against. Even though she made it clear she is sticking with the OP, the other guy still (in my eyes) is not in the wrong by being mad, he was led on and such.

Why don't all three of you hook up? Move on over here to the states when we legalize threesome marriages. No worries, bro!

Lt. Coldfire wrote:Why don't all three of you hook up? Move on over here to the states when we legalize threesome marriages. No worries, bro!

lol..

Personal experience talking here (yea older guy). My ex fiance (before I met my wife) was having feeling's for someone and she told me. I thought all was cool but she was still seeing him and started sleeping with him. I tossed her out at that point (told her to get the f*** out of my house) and that just ended badly.

I also learned you have to have trust. If you can't trust her not to go near him or not to be able to ignore her "feelings" towards him you are better off catching another fish. Not saying you have to but you will learn in time, when its right, there is no one that will cause them to sway.

I do and always will trust her.


And if you don't mind guys 17 years old's are bit more mature than you'd think, or at least some of us are.

And we have this locked? Don't think anything has been on topic since page 2 :/

Mature in terms of not having a fit in a restaurant... probably.
Mature in terms of a life-long commitment.... Ehh......

Well, looking back, LazzurusMan, Page 3 is probably why you hadn't planned on giving reason why you were having trouble with your club. As it turns out, you may have been smarter than all of us.

IdentifyZero wrote:You think it's ok she was looking for another man to fufill her needs while in a comitted relationship supposedly leading to marriage?

Seems a leap to go from expressing feelings for another person to "looking for another man". You can't control feelings as such, only actions. I still think it's a mountain being made out of a molehill. If the OP was unhappy with how far the 'relationship' or 'friendship' between his girlfriend and another guy, he hasn't made it clear.

I'm not unhappy as it went no further than friendship.

And just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I can't be serious about a commitment as big as marriage.

And if we're going to start on about immaturity...look at some of your own posts

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm not unhappy as it went no further than friendship.

And just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I can't be serious about a commitment as big as marriage.

And if we're going to start on about immaturity...look at some of your own posts

Not sure how to multi qoute, but might I point you to this guy

Lt. Coldfire wrote:Mature in terms of not having a fit in a restaurant... probably.
Mature in terms of a life-long commitment.... Ehh......

Well, looking back, LazzurusMan, Page 3 is probably why you hadn't planned on giving reason why you were having trouble with your club. As it turns out, you may have been smarter than all of us.

I am also 17, and like to think of my self as mature for my age, but I understand that the youth mindset might not be the best, no matter how well rationalized it can be in our eyes. I really want to get a tattoo for example, and have put a lot of time into thinking about it, however I have no intention of getting it till I am older (not untill college time atleast). I am trying to avoid doing something permanent that I will regret, so I am choosing to wait (that and I want to make sure that I am finished growing so tattoo wont stretch).

xcarbonx wrote:

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm not unhappy as it went no further than friendship.

And just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I can't be serious about a commitment as big as marriage.

And if we're going to start on about immaturity...look at some of your own posts

Not sure how to multi qoute, but might I point you to this guy

Lt. Coldfire wrote:Mature in terms of not having a fit in a restaurant... probably.
Mature in terms of a life-long commitment.... Ehh......

Well, looking back, LazzurusMan, Page 3 is probably why you hadn't planned on giving reason why you were having trouble with your club. As it turns out, you may have been smarter than all of us.

I am also 17, and like to think of my self as mature for my age, but I understand that the youth mindset might not be the best, no matter how well rationalized it can be in our eyes. I really want to get a tattoo for example, and have put a lot of time into thinking about it, however I have no intention of getting it till I am older (not untill college time atleast). I am trying to avoid doing something permanent that I will regret, so I am choosing to wait (that and I want to make sure that I am finished growing so tattoo wont stretch).

Meh tatoos aren't as permanent anymore. Just avoid anywhere you can't cover in buisness casual. I kind of regret not getting one younger. I am not young and stupid enough (too much of a wussy now) to get one anymore but I say live life and do what you want. You've only got another 85 years tops left to do stuff on this world.

Sounds like a case for Jeremy Kyle.

To be fair, posting a question like this in a public forum whilst going back and forth with the details isn't the most mature thing you could've done IMHO. Live and learn and all that.
But best of luck to ye anyway.

This has gotten completely out of hand and off-topic, someone please shut this down.