I was wondering if anyone else suffers from Depression too.
I myself have suffered it for a number of years and it can get really bad at times (like today)
Warhammer helps lift my mood alittle, its usualy very accepting for a dark future lol and talking with other players is fun and uplifting at times too.
One of the reasons i like this site, alot more upbeat than places like facebook where its all gloom.
Somtimes when i get down i bring out my eldar force and start painting, its a great distraction.
Mine is generally seasonal. Usually the best cure I've found for it is to keep myself so preoccupied with stuff that I don't have time to wallow in my own crapulence. Painting and modelling is a good means to that end. It's cheaper than scotch and vicodin, and leaves me slightly less hazy the next day.
Mine comes and goes from time to time, I distract from it with music. Easier than painting as I don't always have the time for it and would rather not paint while like that as I think it would come out crappy.
I also listen to very angry music very loud lol maybe trying to drown out my own thoughts. Talking to others online is also good for it.
Also i try to keep away from shops and such as when i get depressed i spend alot of money as a distraction, hey maybe then ill be able to pay gamesworkshop prices without crying for the loss lol
also n0t_u that squid head thing is very..disturbing lol
Mine come in tidal waves; they build up and up and then hit and flood my mind, then it's just a matter of waiting for the water to receed and building up against the inevitable next one.
The NHS has been entirely unhelpful, to say the least. They don't want to prescribe medication (despite the fact that previous attempts at therapy without it have failed miserably) and i'm currently awaiting a reply from the hospital about another course of therapy they're going to dump me on; it's nearing the end of the 3-month waiting period my GP said there'd be, where you will get a reply within those 3-months, so i'm preparing to boot them up the arse if the 3 months passes without a word.
i know what you mean it can hit me hard on days, its always there but somtimes not as bad. When it hits i literally have to fight to keep my head up, talking constantly online, constant music and maybe going outside is the best i can do.
It makes me quite quezy and puts me off food for days. Damn the power of the mind.
I tend to go more towards classical, a tiny bit of neo-classical dark wave, electronic and just plain rock for it. Angry I tend to stay away from normally anyway.
AtomicEngineer wrote:also n0t_u that squid head thing is very..disturbing lol
It's only Tako Luka, sort of a caricature as the normal's item is tuna. The video the gif is from is pretty damn disturbing though.
Well atleast we all know what each others going through lol i just keep nodding to everyones posts going yep, it really does suck :/
Strange then that we like the dark depressing future or past of wargaming isnt it. Maybe its because everyones depressing or depressed there lol we would fit right in ^_^
Question is what are you depress about? If its within your zone of control then aye...but if its not within your zone...why worry? Possible guilt trip? Depends on how you view your guilt. Is it within or outside your zone. I don not feel guilty for what I have done in Afghanistan and only a select few here can top what I done. Its a perception you have.....just that the strength of the perception is either going to feed into the depression or its going to rationalize it.
Aye thats true, problem is it my own fault im doing somthing i have no interest in doing, its not where i wanted to be in life but i dont see anyway of changing it. I just dont have the money yet.
Im at univeristy but i never really wanted it, i suffered from depression since school and this education isnt helping it.
I just want to do somthings in life for myself for a change. But to do that you need money and confidence, and my depression stops me from doing alot of things that would need to be done to get money and confidence. Things like Anxiety set in and i panic. Im pretty much usless on my own but i want to be confident and strong enough to make my own path in life, i just dont know how to do that.
I am my own worst enemy somtimes i think my mind hates me.
Jihadin wrote:Question is what are you depress about? If its within your zone of control then aye...but if its not within your zone...why worry? Possible guilt trip? Depends on how you view your guilt. Is it within or outside your zone. I don not feel guilty for what I have done in Afghanistan and only a select few here can top what I done. Its a perception you have.....just that the strength of the perception is either going to feed into the depression or its going to rationalize it.
Clinical depression isn't being sad about something; you can't just will it away.
And im studying computer animation effects. Though i feel im more a get out into into the world, see it and live it kind person. But of course how can i know that ive never even left my city before (except on holiday 8 years ago)
Im stuck in a boring life, wasting it away but am not confident enough to go out into the world on my own.
Well recently i was on facebook, when sombody did a whole paragraph of insulting me basically saying i didnt deserve to be at university. Now iva always been nice to everyone so this came out of the blue.
I unadded them and heard later that they had been ranting about me doing so.
So i talk to a apparent friend online about stuff, my life and my depression. Turns out hes been sitting at that other guys comp all the time.
Let it go bro let it go.
Drive on
wait.....your at a University.....I've never had a college life. Hows the night life for a young male there? Even though I'm 41 I'm still young. Hell I get carded all the time
Seems to be a lot of depression going around these days. Suppose there is a lot to be depressed about.
I say, anything that helps lift your mood in anyway must be a good thing. I don't really know much about the details of depression to say anything more than that.
Thats another thing i study there but i have to live away, so i dont get to go to the partys or nights out, i dont get to hang around, as i have to catch bus to get home. And the place is dangerous at night.
I just wish i could get away from it all, go someplace. But i just dont know how.
One thing ive learnt about life, the whole if your good, keep out the way and do your work it will pay off thing is totally wrong. If life wants to hate you your going to get its hate. Im 20 yet i feel 100 already.
Well...its like this...Your a Dean...so you need to find a sam....with a soul mind you....or if your Sam you need to find a Dean...one that doesn't say "Does this taco taste funny to you?"
AtomicEngineer wrote:One thing ive learnt about life, the whole if your good, keep out the way and do your work it will pay off thing is totally wrong. If life wants to hate you your going to get its hate. Im 20 yet i feel 100 already.
Yup. That's the second hardest lesson to learn in life. You're well on your way.
The hardest lesson? How you come to terms with the above.
Get out of the house once a week and have dinner with a friend, or go have a drink with a buddy.
You're old enough to get out and about. Do something to occupy your mind and time. A weekend job would be smart. Puts money in your pocket. Makes you less dependent on mama for buying things, you know?
I'm just saying, find a way to get out there.
If you're really depressed, then you should go see a school counselor or something.
Cannot believe I'm going to say this....join the military. Not sure how one start off doing that but Mattrym seems right...in the head. If your seeking a mental and physical challenge. Its a quick transition to. Just you have to be able to be flexible.
Edit
I'm leaning with Kronk on this to. Your like...putting off a vibe
I think there been too much stress and depression and just stuff built up over the years, i never really had a choice in the direction of my life. It was decided for me.
I think the best i can do is go someplace far away, and start again, from scratch decide what i do for myself for a change. Start building my own life instead of following the path set out by others.
Maybe quit university, get a job a good one to get fast cash, build it up dont spend much and get the hell outta the city. Hows america? lol
Jihadin: not sure im ready for that, atleast not yet.
Problem is, if you have been seen by a psychiatrist or psychologist and/or have had meds for depression or other issues to include ADD type issues, it is not easy to get in the military. At a minimum you need to have been off all meds for 1 year and then will still need a waiver.
Jihadin wrote:Well...its like this...Your a Dean...so you need to find a sam....with a soul mind you....or if your Sam you need to find a Dean...one that doesn't say "Does this taco taste funny to you?"
Perfect
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Jihadin wrote:Cannot believe I'm going to say this....join the military. Not sure how one start off doing that but Mattrym seems right...in the head. If your seeking a mental and physical challenge. Its a quick transition to. Just you have to be able to be flexible.
I want to join the Military, i'm sure a Film, Radio and Television studies degree is just perfect for that.....
i honestly dont know err i think you can make it through the first year with a pass and im not sure about attendance.
2 more years stuck in this city, i need to make some real money, so i can get out. I may not know much about life or living on my own but how would i learn if i dont try.
We all have to take our lives into our own hands at somepoint.
True, CptJake. But at the very least, seeing a school counselor (at the very least) or other professional would be a good idea. The immediate mental health concern is more important than a job he may or may not want or might not be suited for.
You sound like you're in a serious rut, AE. Before you go out making life altering decisions, I really think you should talk to someone.
Im still 15, and i've had a lot of things happen thats turned me pretty melancholic at moments. When depression hits, I usually sit on the ground or on the flight of stares and think...about certain things. For some reason, I keep on thinking what my persona would do ._.
lol thought you said serious nut, i was like ehh? lol
Looking to sombody with my issues, i dont know. I mean my parents dont understand stuff like that and it would put stress on them if i suddenly started seeing a doc lol
and my friends went off to different universities, half of them then proceeded to stab me in the back afterwards.
And i have not made any friends at university because they all have there groups sorted, and i have to get the early bus back home so i dont have any time. Everyone generally goes to a lecture for an hour then goes back to
the houses. Doesnt leave alot of time to meet people.
StasisNid95 : your avi's crona
Kronk: nope other than a person i knew from college going insane insult mode on me and tearing me apart on facebook, then having his friend talk to me about my issues just so i can find out my other so called friend is sitting in that guys house. Trust has been alittle issue since yesterday lol
AtomicEngineer wrote:I think there been too much stress and depression and just stuff built up over the years, i never really had a choice in the direction of my life. It was decided for me.
That's a problem. Living to others' expectations of you is a quick way to wind up hanging from the rafters. Do yourself a favor and push back, at least a little.
I think the best i can do is go someplace far away, and start again, from scratch decide what i do for myself for a change. Start building my own life instead of following the path set out by others.
Maybe quit university, get a job a good one to get fast cash, build it up dont spend much and get the hell outta the city. Hows america? lol
I bailed on college, due to a stress related breakdown where I did some rather... unhealthy things to myself. A couple years of working gak jobs later, I got lucky and landed a really good paying job because a guy I knew while I was at one of the gakky job got me a foot in the door. Now I'm trapped here because I won't be able to get a comparable job at a different company in the area, largely because I don't have a college degree.
Bailing altogether is a little extreme. Just push a little harder on your 'prison walls' and see how much more comfortable you can make life. You're young enough to still have time. Switch majors, get your own place, do smaller things. Don't jump ship and come here. At least, not until you have a degree and a job lined up. Life will be much easier on you that way.
I want to join the Military, i'm sure a Film, Radio and Television studies degree is just perfect for that.....
Combat Media.
Just do not fer gawdsake start filming away at a M1/Bradly/Stryker/MRAP/MATVorwhateverelsehaveyou thats being engaged. From a distance it looks like someone aiming a RPG/similiar at us. Hence why some reporters get killed
AtomicEngineer wrote:lol thought you said serious nut, i was like ehh? lol
Looking to sombody with my issues, i dont know. I mean my parents dont understand stuff like that and it would put stress on them if i suddenly started seeing a doc lol
and my friends went off to different universities, half of them then proceeded to stab me in the back afterwards.
And i have not made any friends at university because they all have there groups sorted, and i have to get the early bus back home so i dont have any time. Everyone generally goes to a lecture for an hour then goes back to
the houses. Doesnt leave alot of time to meet people.
StasisNid95 : your avi's crona
Kronk: nope other than a person i knew from college going insane insult mode on me and tearing me apart on facebook, then having his friend talk to me about my issues just so i can find out my other so called friend is sitting in that guys house. Trust has been alittle issue since yesterday lol
Do you still live with your parents? If so move out, it will do wonders for you social life and self esteem.
true, i feel guilty all the time when im around my parents because A: im the first into university in my family so id be letting them down
B: because i shouldnt be depressed, cause it will only cause strain on the family.
Old enough for the military, but as I don't know AE from Adam, I'm not fit to advize any life-altering changes. (Military, changing University, changing field of study, etc.)
What are you studying and is there something you'd rather be studying?
Hes possibly the only character in any form of media that describes me best, or that I could relate to, sometimes I really dont know how to deal with certain things o_o
argh ignore the blank comment, something messed up
There is for all university students yet the majority don't live at home, in many ways it's better to be stretched money-wise at uni as it teaches you some valuable lessons on living cheap.
First into college...aahhhh kk so your breaking a trail into unknown territory for your family. SO its like family pressure? Skipping the "cliques" that you have at your university which IMHO is a .......well....give me a 8 digit grid for a reality check
StasisNid95 : totally know what you mean, Cronas alittle too close for comfort lol
Money isnt an issue but it is for what i want to do.
and i study animation which i have no clue about.
Ive been in education my whole life and its never been plessent or good for me. School was bad, second school was hell on earth, college was ok, uni is well, im just getting tired of it, all this work yet nobody would even notice if i just left and all my work is always fo are no reward, no sense of achievment, nothing.
I consider myself more an artist, ive drawn and done art since before i could walk, its somthine everyone always comments on and i used to win contests back in school. Its what im really into but unfortunettly painting doesnt usually bring in enough money to get set up.
The real problem is you are told to have a plan, live it, love it and everything will fall magictastically into place. Look at what television, newspapers, ads and almost everything is telling you. And that is if you connect the dots and check things off on your list, everything magically falls into place. If you read all of the junk written into tabloids and advertisements from the perspective of A.) greedy people knowing you are unwell, but can give you a lie and a false hope all so they can get money, or B.) the writer of the article is a nobody going through the same thing you are, but they are writing for themselves so they can convince themselves, then you realize youre not in it alone.
There is no life-plan or solution to happy success, each person finds it on their own, in their time however is best for their own selves. And remember:
Yeah, sounds about right. I have lost all energy and enthusiasm.
I guess im sick of doing what others expect me to do, whilst i have to put what i want to do on a back burners, and its all about money. I need money to do what i want, i thought going through education would help me with this but its just not worth it.
You say "and i study animation which i have no clue about. m just getting tired of it, all this work yet nobody would even notice if i just left and all my work is always fo are no reward, no sense of achievment, nothing.
I consider myself more an artist, ive drawn and done art since before i could walk, its somthine everyone always comments on and i used to win contests back in school. Its what im really into but unfortunettly painting doesnt usually bring in enough money to get set up. "
When I asked what you want to study, you say "Animation and special effects."
It sounds like you're burnt out on Animation or it really isn't your cup of tea.
There are plenty of areas you can get into if you're a talented artist that could earn a decent living. Graphic Design. WebSite Design. I'm no expert in art degrees, though.
it doesn't have to be burn out. I did two jobs and education at the same time. 6-day weeks of 8AM-8PM and another 5 hours on sunday. It was hard, i did suffer from burn-out, but I can sympathise with AtomicEngineer.... its not burnout, its just a feelign that whatever is going on right now is the feeling that its meaningless.
Ive done it for so long, after a while its all you can remember and all i can remember looking back on my life is been tret unfairly, been the quite kid in school who was bullied so much in the end people stopped doing it because everyone started treating my like i had mental problems or somthing, because i was too quiet.
Education has been nothing but a curse in my life, and its all that ive done and i find that very sad. To define my life so far with nothing but pain and suffering, for this payoff that by now wont even cheer me up or worth what i traded for it.
This all could have been brought on by the falling out you had with your so-called friends.
Or you are taking a serious look at your life and realize it's not going the way you want it to go.
Again, I can't tell you what to do. No one on DakkaDakka can. You need to figure it out. But we can offer advice. Maybe you need a big change (new univeristy, join the military) or maybe you need a small change (start hanging out at the Univeristy after class, take a later bus home, get a weekend job, use that weekend job to have a little fun).
I definitely think you need to get out of the house and meet people. It sounds like you're trudging back and forth to school and staying home all day.
Everything and any hopes and dreams i had, dramatic i know but unfortunettly true. when i started i had hopes and dreams, was confident and loved to make people smile, i saw the best in everything. Now im nothing but a grumpy husk walking around and hating everything, with depression and anxiety. worth it for a good job i wont be able to take because of my anxiety, probably not.
But when i think about making my own path, taking a chance on somthing i know im good at, it feels right. Reignites that feeling i havnt felt in years, but i cant do it living at home, it just wouldnt work. So that would mean taking a big chance and going against all the anxiety and depression build up, and everything education taught me about not standing up for myself.
sorry im just repeating what i keep thinking about. I just wonder what its going to take to change.
Damn it!, im sorry i didnt mean to make this about me, this is supposed to be for all. Ill shut up now.
I'm a big bucket of crazy that only recently feels well put-together. I used to just imagine my little dudes chopping everyone up and it was really therapeutic (I played pure Khorne). I didn't even care if I won or lost, only that I chopped people up. I was suicidal a few months later and it's been a slow trudge up hill since then with a few scares, but it's just the rare off day now. Those sometimes freak me out because I'm afraid I'll relapse and I've "seen the other side" once already, so to speak. There's nothing like feeling that worthless. It's liberating and chaotically fun, but completely wrong at the same time, so hopeless.
On your day off. You need to wake up and lie there. Feel how comfy the pillow is? How warm and toasty the blanket is? Just lay thereand step back from reality and slide back into a power nap if you can. Relax. Get dressed, have breakfest or a cigerette whichever first and go out and about. Look around and see what the city is and how F'ing bad you want to move on. Then look at your well doers in the city...same with them. They're well off but they're in the city...not going any where because their job and money has tied them there. Screw that. Turn that negative energy into motivation to get the Hell outta Dodge Detroit style....WITH A DEGREE!! You have a better chance on starting right.
Jihadin wrote:On your day off. You need to wake up and lie there. Feel how comfy the pillow is? How warm and toasty the blanket is? Just lay thereand step back from reality and slide back into a power nap if you can. Relax. Get dressed, have breakfest or a cigerette whichever first and go out and about. Look around and see what the city is and how F'ing bad you want to move on. Then look at your well doers in the city...same with them. They're well off but they're in the city...not going any where because their job and money has tied them there. Screw that. Turn that negative energy into motivation to get the Hell outta Dodge Detroit style....WITH A DEGREE!! You have a better chance on starting right.
Inner motivation. You have to find a focus. Anger is a good motivation tool. Manage your "anger" and just start rationalizing your steps on "getting a stepping". Start browsing the job website and then look up the area a prticualr job that interest you to see your option. Then commit to making it happen. Granted the option might not be there at the end but your halfway through the "tunnel" and there's a sliver of light there. A sliver is something then nothing. Focus on the sliver. As each month pass by the sliver gets BIGGER. Your on a down hill slide as of now. You just have to imagine in biting the bullet in the ass and riding the velocity like a pornstar. Trust your Uncle Sargie Wilkinson. BTW...I do enjoy my coffee....with coffee...I'm a Happy Uncle Sargie Wilky.
I won't go into too much personal detail but I have some bad ups and downs which are partly seasonal related. I wrote a page about it once anonymously but right now I'm too scared to look it up because for all my problems I don't feel so bad so don't need to think about it. I can't relate to my thinking in these periods, all I know it that it all seems rational at the time.
I'm pretty sure depression is related to intelligence. Stupid people are easily pleased, intelligent people are hugely critical of themselves. And if you're a genius you're almost guaranteed a life of misery.
Months after months of classes of prof's saying "what do you think I want you to submit" (except veiled) is very draining. I know how frustrating and futile such a situation can feel, when you can't understand how completing the assignment is relevant to your personal interest and furthering yourself. It just feels like crap when you pay to get berated. The real trick is to dig hunt and fish for the instructors that ask "what do you want to submit?". The evaluation for these types of assignments is brutal, the difference is you really do have a shooting license. You can do whatever you want with these kinds of assignments, so the only thing limiting you is yourself. Whenever I had these kinds of classes, I dreaded the workload, but the ability to do whatever I wanted, take it to the end, and have it be MY work relevant to MY interests was amazing. It's not an amazing paper that I wrote, but I'm still proud of it because I got the highest grade in the class, and was miles ahead of the others. (heck, if anyone wants to read it its about the rampant corruption of the slovak state)
If its possible, I sincerely urge you to look into your next batch of classes, find out which prof's offer what kind of assignments. If they are open-ended, go for it. The measuring stick will be brutal, so you will have to push yourself, but it's rewarding when you get graded on things you thought of on your own initiative, rather than trying to satisfy criteria established by the instructor.
Yeah, I get serious depression as well. Actually, its more like a combination of panic attacks, anger and the kind of depression that makes it so that you cannot get yourself to do anything. Not fun.
Some_Call_Me_Tim? wrote:Yeah, I get serious depression as well. Actually, its more like a combination of panic attacks, anger and the kind of depression that makes it so that you cannot get yourself to do anything. Not fun.
I'm almost the exact same, due to a combination of an anxiety disorder and general depression. I can motivate myself in brief bursts to do stuff, but I spend most of the day generally feeling sad about myself.
MrDwhitey wrote:I would say it is extremely hard to "talk/advise" a depressed person out of being depressed. Then again I'm diagnosed bipolar, so I donno.
That's actually dangerously accurate. I mean, you just hit that point where you're like, "feth this noise. When things get honestly genuinely bad, I'll just off myself. Up until that point, it's Awesometown, population: This guy."
MrDwhitey wrote:I would say it is extremely hard to "talk/advise" a depressed person out of being depressed. Then again I'm diagnosed bipolar, so I donno.
That's actually dangerously accurate. I mean, you just hit that point where you're like, "feth this noise. When things get honestly genuinely bad, I'll just off myself. Up until that point, it's Awesometown, population: This guy."
That...thats amazing, so true too, i hope i can become invinsible lol
Although i had one of those days recently, rather out of character, i went to univeristy in my black hooded top, headphones on, hood up looking like half angry half didnt give a f*** look, arrived late. Usually i would walk around nervously outside, that day i just burst through the door as he was speaking, unpluged my headphones, still standing of course. Purposly slowly look at everyone, and sat down, had music on in my ears, legs sticking out of side of chair and proceeded not to give a damn for the rest of the day, he was talking about stuff people learn in school. Although i wasnt happy and was still depressed, felt alittle awesome.
Although i had one of those days recently, rather out of character, i went to univeristy in my black hooded top, headphones on, hood up looking like half angry half didnt give a f*** look, arrived late. Usually i would walk around nervously outside, that day i just burst through the door as he was speaking, unpluged my headphones, still standing of course. Purposly slowly look at everyone, and sat down, had music on in my ears, legs sticking out of side of chair and proceeded not to give a damn for the rest of the day, he was talking about stuff people learn in school. Although i wasnt happy and was still depressed, felt alittle awesome.
Thats coming out of "norm" but on a destructive side. Trick is not to draw negative attention to yourself. IMO the perception you need to exude is self confidence in a calm relax manner. Cocky be best to describe it. Not over cocky mind you because being over cocky bites you in the ass. Your starting t get a focus but you haven't center massed it. You need to look at your school work as a hurdle. You can do one of two things....because quitting is not an option....you either need to meet the standards or exceed the standards. I perfer exceeding. Exceeding in a catagory builds confidence. Don't limit yourself there but start going outside the box of conventional thinking. On your next assignment...do it with a flair. Also start migrating away from regular school crowd and establish a couple of buddies that would eventually turn into friends. Here's the trick on that. A buddy has a possibility of a "Blue Falconing" on you example the Facebook scrub. A buddy has to prove him/her self over time to become a friend. Also the money is not really an issue unless you like to use money for "fun coupons". Look at it this way. Money Management. You can get by with less and when you start drawing the paycheck you have the maturity to establish "what you want to what you need. No going over board on big boy toys. Actually that probaly be my next topic to you on making you figure out what its worth to make it to the end.
As for your money perception. I want to throw this out. On deployments I make over 6K tax free a month. Except...what the hell one can buy in a desert? Besides I'm married so I was actually giving myself false hope. So DVD's and creature comfort was my focus....nine pillows does wonders.
AtomicEngineer wrote:
That...thats amazing, so true too, i hope i can become invinsible lol
Although i had one of those days recently, rather out of character, i went to univeristy in my black hooded top, headphones on, hood up looking like half angry half didnt give a f*** look, arrived late. Usually i would walk around nervously outside, that day i just burst through the door as he was speaking, unpluged my headphones, still standing of course. Purposly slowly look at everyone, and sat down, had music on in my ears, legs sticking out of side of chair and proceeded not to give a damn for the rest of the day, he was talking about stuff people learn in school. Although i wasnt happy and was still depressed, felt alittle awesome.
Doesn't quite feel like Awesometown to me, but I guess it's probably different for everyone. Hypothetically, for me, awesometown in that situation would be putting on a suit that day, because suits make me feel like James melon-fething Bond, strolling into class, paying attention, participating every opportunity I'm given, cockily giving ever answer in the most correct (or most humorous) way, and then after class striking up a conversation with the girl in the class who was most attractive to me, and then enjoying the fact that I did something that brought me out of my little shell in a way that can only make life better.
...I also just picked up a bunch of extra suits, for just such an occasion.
Yeah i hear you, was just nice not to be the worrying, over caring, good kid for a change. Was kinda like a screw you day, which is unheard of for me as im usually the shy soft guy. Made me feel good for a change, gave my brain a rest from worrying.
It actually helped with work as well, i wasnt running to uni in panic because i was alittle late, i took my time, no stress build up. And when i got back work didnt feel like all or nothing, it was like meh if i dont get it all done so what. I had a much clearer mind, and could just get on with one bit at a time, instead of looking at the work in a whole giant mess.
and alittle sharp attitude also helps with not been so soft when people say stuff to you or your work gets harshly judged. I find you cant be too soft in life or people walk over you, as i know.
I was the centre of my world for a day.
Made me feel good for a day. Just wish i could have alittle bit of that attitude everyday, instead of out of energy i had angry face it head on attitude. Epic war charge!
There no place around where i live to get out and go for a walk or jog, theres just roads lol and its quite dangerous around here as it is.
Theres already been afew murders in the last few days a mear 10 minutes away lol
AtomicEngineer wrote:There no place around where i live to get out and go for a walk or jog, theres just roads lol and its quite dangerous around here as it is.
Theres already been afew murders in the last few days a mear 10 minutes away lol
so your walk turns into a run, that is actually better
AtomicEngineer wrote:Yeah, sounds about right. I have lost all energy and enthusiasm.
I guess im sick of doing what others expect me to do, whilst i have to put what i want to do on a back burners, and its all about money. I need money to do what i want, i thought going through education would help me with this but its just not worth it.
I did an animation degree, it started out well, hit a rough patch in the second year, but really enjoyed the 3rd. Moved out with some friends in the 3rd year, it was awesome.
I'd recommend sticking with it. I moved out completely 6 months after my degree ended after getting a job packing books in a warehouse while I added some much-needed extra knowledge to my degree to give me enough skills to actually be employable as a freelancer (I neglected this side of things while at uni, bad idea... spend your long summers doing your own learning, don't just veg out like I did).
Running around in body armor with all kind of Hooah gear strapped to you isn't fun...not fun at all.....and its damn hot...and they shoot back...did I mention how freaking hot it is?
Running around in body armor with all kind of Hooah gear strapped to you isn't fun...not fun at all.....and its damn hot...and they shoot back...did I mention how freaking hot it is?
Meh.
If I didn't have kids I'd still be in. Honestly, being in the field and/or deployed was the part I enjoyed most. Other than the whole "threat of impending death" thing but you get used to that after a while.
Okay, just got back. Saw the new Muppets movie. Go watch the new Muppets movie. Doesn't matter if you see it with someone or if you go alone. It's a electric shot of happy gas for your fething SOUL, holmes.
To those who say i should see help, even if i considered it i dont think i could, not right now anyway.
My family just wouldnt and cant understand, and i dont need them feeling bad, that'll only put pressure on me. I felt awful when i started to tell my dad stuff, so i didnt talk about it again. Causeing them stress over me wouldnt help. Thats why i need to leave, for there sake and mine. I cant show any hint thats somthings wrong at home, they care too much but understand it too little. I can deal with it when there safely out of the reach of my problems.
I cant help myself when im looking out for everybody elses feelings too, its alittle much. I think of Atlas when it comes to stuff like this its how i feel, to me it means the weight of responsabilty. The globe atop his shoulders, like everything i must carry without falling. For others as well as myself. If im weak i let everyone down. I cant even leave, go travelling to find myself and purpose in life, because i cant leave knowing they would be worried everyday about me, i cant carry the guilt of causing them worry with me.
AtomicEngineer wrote:To those who say i should see help, even if i considered it i dont think i could, not right now anyway.
My family just wouldnt and cant understand, and i dont need them feeling bad, that'll only put pressure on me. I felt awful when i started to tell my dad stuff, so i didnt talk about it again. Causeing them stress over me wouldnt help. Thats why i need to leave, for there sake and mine. I cant show any hint thats somthings wrong at home, they care too much but understand it too little. I can deal with it when there safely out of the reach of my problems.
I cant help myself when im looking out for everybody elses feelings too, its alittle much. I think of Atlas when it comes to stuff like this its how i feel, to me it means the weight of responsabilty. The globe atop his shoulders, like everything i must carry without falling. For others as well as myself. If im weak i let everyone down. I cant even leave, go travelling to find myself and purpose in life, because i cant leave knowing they would be worried everyday about me, i cant carry the guilt of causing them worry with me.
you are not indestructible. You need to open up to someone. We are your friends, but you need to find a living breathing person yo ucan confide in and help you. I know what this is like, believe me, I am in exactly the same situation as you are. You are not indestructible and this is one of life's lessons, that you need to connect to people and connect to them and learn when you need to pass your burden off onto others to help lift you up. Your parent's might not be the best to open up to, but if you have siblings or other family, they coluld be a huge uplift and a massive help that you can't see. The real reasons that's stopping you is your lack of comfort with the problem. You feel ashamed, and thats why you can't share your burden. I've learned that some of the DCM's on this forum are right down to earth awesome people when they shared a few personal things to the rest of us.
Just go on and find someone you can open up to, it will do you a world of good, especially if you are close to this person and encounter them on a daily basis.
Depression started to kick in when I started to go blind.
I had surgery in one eye and my vision has greatly improved, it is no longer black in my eye.
Hope I don't sound emo, but my relationship with my dad has never been great. Very angry person, just can't be around him. If something spills he picks up a chair smashes it and blames the nearest person, generally me. Never got to really know my father much. I think the only quality time I ever got with him was during the super bowl.
Not much I can do about it I suppose. Not to be cliche, but when I see how hard it is for many other people out there. Be it here, 3rd world country, or a soldier I got it kind of lucky and help the poor or kids with disabilities as much as I can. I get a great sense of joy when I help other people.
This is why depression is such a poorly understood disease, because those who suffer don't seem to help themselves. Same as those who suffer from alcoholism or anxiety attacks.
It isn't you, or anything about you, it's the situations you put yourself in. Change it. Do something differently. An alcoholic will drift back into drinking if their life revolves around a pub, so he has to change that. Don't wallow around your house, listening to "angry music", change the situation. You didn't want to go to Uni? Then don't, the worst thing you can do is go along with what you think people expect of you.
This weekend, go volunteer for some charity, or even a church, do something good for those less fortunate (and believe me, there are billions of people who are a lot, lot less fortunate than you). Help an old lady do her garden, help a teenager/adult learn to read, do some work in a charity shop, or even just make some tea/coffee and go give the homeless a warm drink tonight.
Once you've done that, sit down and think of what would make you happy. Living in Australia, working with animals, playing music for a living, whatever it is, GO AND DO IT!!
Personally, I don't classify Depression as a Disease. For me, it is the current realisation of reality. Whether it is for others, is an entirely different matter.
I think an important thing to realize is that you aren't nearly as important to everyone else as you seem to think you are. Feeling like atlas holding up the world is likely a distorted perception of your importance.
As a young man, that was the most profound piece of advice I was given. It seems apt here. My point is, if you need help get it. The rest of the world will carry on, somehow.
Go get help, feth what your parents think or what you think they don't *understand*. Tell them the truth, have a glass of wine over dinner one night and stick with the truth. If they don't *care*, they need to. open up with the uni crowd. Get the late bus home, or go out, chill and enjoy life. Don't just sit there in a quivering heap either doing something that you don't want to do. I changed my vocation from something I wanted to do, to something I love doing. Get a range of jobs, and some experience from it. Or go out on the weekends, maybe even try some camping or something on the weekends.
If you feel like your life is in a rut and you are burnt out, you need to go and do something to change that. Not your parents, not your university and not your friends. You need to make that active choice to get out there and have fun.
This is why depression is such a poorly understood disease, because those who suffer don't seem to help themselves. Same as those who suffer from alcoholism or anxiety attacks.
It isn't you, or anything about you, it's the situations you put yourself in. Change it. Do something differently. An alcoholic will drift back into drinking if their life revolves around a pub, so he has to change that. Don't wallow around your house, listening to "angry music", change the situation. You didn't want to go to Uni? Then don't, the worst thing you can do is go along with what you think people expect of you.
This weekend, go volunteer for some charity, or even a church, do something good for those less fortunate (and believe me, there are billions of people who are a lot, lot less fortunate than you). Help an old lady do her garden, help a teenager/adult learn to read, do some work in a charity shop, or even just make some tea/coffee and go give the homeless a warm drink tonight.
Once you've done that, sit down and think of what would make you happy. Living in Australia, working with animals, playing music for a living, whatever it is, GO AND DO IT!!
I'm betting you don't really know much about clinical depression and the whole chemical imbalance in the brain thing that can bring it on. I have a family member that suffers from it, 'changing something' doesn't necessarily do crap unless you get meds and the 'something' being changed how your synapses are firing.
AtomicEngineer wrote:To those who say i should see help, even if i considered it i dont think i could, not right now anyway.
go here first. www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forum/ but I would recommend talking to a GP, I really would. You are really not alone.
My family just wouldnt and cant understand,
[b]Is this what you know, or what you think? and i dont need them feeling bad,
Again, is this what you tell yourself? that'll only put pressure on me.
You are feeding the cycle of anxiety that you currently feel. Stop and think. if one of your friends came to you with these feelings, what would you tell them?
I felt awful when i started to tell my dad stuff, so i didnt talk about it again. Causeing them stress over me wouldnt help. Thats why i need to leave, for there sake and mine. I cant show any hint thats somthings wrong at home, they care too much but understand it too little.
I can deal with it when there safely out of the reach of my problems.
]Time for a reality check, Whether your family is a mile or 1000 miles away ,once you address your feelings, then you start to come to terms with them and be able to move forwards. Your family is not the issue, your negative thoughts are what are hampering you. Only you can make your parents understand, you can get them to understand through knowledge, you can empower yourself with that knowledge when you start seeking help. The sooner, the better IMHO Your anxieties are perpetually feeding into this cycle. Tell your parents, factually, how you feel, tell them exactly what is going on. Once you tell them, you will have taken a step in breaking this cycle.
I cant help myself when im looking out for everybody elses feelings too,
This is so common, trust me, most everyone who suffers from anxiety disorder and depression feels this way to some degree. these feelings also help feed into a negative cycle. You don't need to look out for everyone else feelings its alittle much. I think of Atlas when it comes to stuff like this its how i feel, to me it means the weight of responsabilty. The globe atop his shoulders, like everything i must carry without falling. For others as well as myself. If im weak i let everyone down. I cant even leave, go travelling to find myself and purpose in life, because i cant leave knowing they would be worried everyday about me, i cant carry the guilt of causing them worry with me.
This is why depression is such a poorly understood disease, because those who suffer don't seem to help themselves. Same as those who suffer from alcoholism or anxiety attacks.
It isn't you, or anything about you, it's the situations you put yourself in. Change it. Do something differently. An alcoholic will drift back into drinking if their life revolves around a pub, so he has to change that. Don't wallow around your house, listening to "angry music", change the situation. You didn't want to go to Uni? Then don't, the worst thing you can do is go along with what you think people expect of you.
This weekend, go volunteer for some charity, or even a church, do something good for those less fortunate (and believe me, there are billions of people who are a lot, lot less fortunate than you). Help an old lady do her garden, help a teenager/adult learn to read, do some work in a charity shop, or even just make some tea/coffee and go give the homeless a warm drink tonight.
Once you've done that, sit down and think of what would make you happy. Living in Australia, working with animals, playing music for a living, whatever it is, GO AND DO IT!!
I'm betting you don't really know much about clinical depression and the whole chemical imbalance in the brain thing that can bring it on. I have a family member that suffers from it, 'changing something' doesn't necessarily do crap unless you get meds and the 'something' being changed how your synapses are firing.
Yeah, CptJake is right. Real, clinical depression is not caused by wallowing around. Its an actual biological, chemical imbalance thingy majigger. I've been diagnosed with it and it really sucks.
please dont make this thread about me, i made it only partly for me. Its for others too, everyone needs to talk to others once in a while.
Ive seen so many people suffering the same thing and its good to know that its not just you (that sounds bad doesnt it) i mean that your not alone in this. I think its modern society that is the cause of most of it, only this time in history has depression been so high.
Perhaps humanity needs things to combat and fight to distract themselves. After all been left with no fear, nothing to face i suppose like still water, we stagnate. We need to keep moving, flowing fighting.
Of all the things that come with a depressional low that i have right now, this is brought on this time by the burn out thing thanks to people and education.
But i had forgotten the Insomia that returns along with it, ugh a full week without proper sleep. Went to bed saturday night didnt get to sleep till 10am sunday but slept through sunday so wasnt tired all night, now im tired but its day again :/
This is definetly one of the long bouts of deeprer depression ive had, its been going on the last few days now im starting to feel like im floating through some dark ocean. Im not even sure what im feeling anymore, this can be a good or a bad thing. I feel close to some life answer or somthing. Sinking further into the vast ocean of an unsure existance. I bet if i were to paint somthing now it would be amazing lol
I was going to try to talk to the parents today, but before i could even start my dad asked me "why are you stalking about? 20 years old and cant even look after himself " So i know it'll never work telling them.
Little by little i get to understand myself more, i think the reason i wanted to do animation or anything artistic is because i didnt want all the problems i went through to be for nothing. I wanted to do somthing, important create somthing timeless. Somthing i can be known for, so that people know my name. Somthing to help others like me. Which is why i probably love film making. I want to pour all that negative feeling into somthing creative, leave somthing that will be remembered long after everything else is gone.
UPDATE!:
Second attempt to talk to parents met with more failure. I didnt relize how little they know about who i am. Asked me why i dont go to uni as much as i went to college, i said perhaps a lack of motivation anymore.
I exepected a response atleast close to what i had in mind instead the response was
"it is motivation, you know what it is, money you had to actually go to get your college money but now at uni its in advance you dont have to worry about going each day" congrats parents you got it! oh wait..no nope not even close lol
AtomicEngineer wrote:Second attempt to talk to parents met with more failure. I didnt relize how little they know about who i am. Asked me why i dont go to uni as much as i went to college, i said perhaps a lack of motivation anymore.
I exepected a response atleast close to what i had in mind instead the response was
"it is motivation, you know what it is, money you had to actually go to get your college money but now at uni its in advance you dont have to worry about going each day" congrats parents you got it! oh wait..no nope not even close lol
That's really immature of you to not take that opportunity to open up and say that "No mom/dad. I think I'm suffering from depression and need to talk to someone, now."
AtomicEngineer wrote:Second attempt to talk to parents met with more failure. I didnt relize how little they know about who i am. Asked me why i dont go to uni as much as i went to college, i said perhaps a lack of motivation anymore.
I exepected a response atleast close to what i had in mind instead the response was
"it is motivation, you know what it is, money you had to actually go to get your college money but now at uni its in advance you dont have to worry about going each day" congrats parents you got it! oh wait..no nope not even close lol
That's really immature of you to not take that opportunity to open up and say that "No mom/dad. I think I'm suffering from depression and need to talk to someone, now."
Do it. Stop posting and go do it. Now.
Agreed.
Grab the bull by the horns.
Not your parents fault they are not imeadiately suggesting you start a course of SSRI's or a course of CBT. (However, this is what I suggest your GP may steer you towards).
Seriously AE. They aren't mind readers. You have to tell them. You can't wait for them to figure it out. By the time someone can see that you need help, you're very far down a dark path.
Its ok im feeling alittle better now. I mean its always still there but im out of the bad dip ive had over the last week. Im gonna concentrait on Uni work for now, get it out of the way try and get some solid ground to stand on so to speak. Get myself set up where i know what i have to do and have a solid grasp of the situation.
Im moving into my own room this weekend, got the basement lol i have my own door to the house and another room. Sorta like a mini apartment.
Christmas im going to get to grips with the programs im supposed to use so i dont have to worry about the work as much, an generally look around for oppertunities whilst i do.
Im going to avoid self pitty and try to throw myself into somthing, but im also going to put more time aside for myself. Take a day trip out now and again, no stress. Try to meet with friends more and so on.
Im also meeting with a person from the university about my attendence, but i hope to bring up what im going through and how i can maybe change around alittle so that im less stressed out all the time.
Im stronger than my depression and ill keep fighting it till im ready to talk about it, im not going to reveal my inner workings to others before i have control over my life and feel ready to do so. And yes its not going to go away, this feeling is due to coming out of a bad spike and i know eventually ill fall back into the pit of depression again. But right now as everything is after just starting university, im not ready to throw professionals and counciling on top of it, right now it wouldnt do much good.
And i know i have to tell my parents eventually but they have alot going on in there lives too, they have some stuff to deal with right now, it would be selfish of me to throw my problems on the heap right now too.
I want to tell them in my own time at the right time, perhaps when we are away from all this stress for abit. A holiday or somthing so we can talk proporly without work and uni and such weighing down too. Yeah a holiday away i like that idea.
I also wanna say thanks to everyone on this thread, you guys have been amazing in getting through this dip into the darkest areas of my depression. Seriously you guys are awesome ^_^ i owe you all a beer someday.
~
I wont be leaving this thread or anything, and its still for anyone suffering from depression, like me when it gets too much it can be good to come here and talk to others too.
I used to suffer from depression. I took useless mindbending meds, visited a few doctors, etc. I just had a moment of self-realization that seeing as I was at the centre of the problem, the only answer would come from me. Step one was quitting my job, selling all of my stuff or giving it away and moving. I came back to Japan. There have been rough times and stuff, but no where near the black gaseous pit of before.
Having the Pacific Ocean and the Rocky Mountains separating me from my family also helps.
I was pretty severely depressed last year with a side dose of anxiety (the anxiety was nothing to do with stress btw). I was on medication; Prozac, beta blockers etc. Then i finished with uni and got a job.
Being in fulltime work has meant i feel depressed (well 'down') nearly all the time but dont have the time for lethargy/not getting out of bed all day/inability to concentrate. So basically i am miserable all the time but without the Drawbacks/Bonuses lol. Or more accurately i am depressed but not clinically so.
Well now i feel pretty gloomy indeed.
EDIT: Wanna hear something really depressing, i used to see a great Pschiatric Nurse called Vicky. I would see her every couple weeks when i was at my lowest last year. She was great to talk to and a genuinely interesting person.
She died of a sudden brain Haemorrhage, she was 31, she had only been married a month. Pretty cruddy.
Usually I just paint and listen to music. I don't usually have the patience to sift through a forum and generally end up irritable instead of relaxed. Now, if I'm bad enough I don't feel like painting then I prolly need to find somewhere else to be... preferably a place without sharp things like xacto knives. Glad to see you seem to have gotten the help you wanted from dakka, I'll just leave this here though.
Nerivant wrote:I generally totter on the precipice every second of my existence. One slip and I'd probably fall into a rut of depression I might never escape from.
Whoo! Ten days and I've made some amazing headway! I am now completely over the edge. Crippling self worth problems combined with a pessimistic attitude and what would probably be considered mental instability, all brought to a boil by an offhanded comment from someone about my awkwardness in social situations.
Twenty minutes and fourteen shots later, and I couldn't remember that I was even depressed in the first place. Great times.
This may sound out of the blue but you guys should try taking Omega-3 fish oil pills with high EPA. Not saying it will magically cure you but seriously give it shot. Also more Vitamin D in the winter.
Nerivant wrote:I generally totter on the precipice every second of my existence. One slip and I'd probably fall into a rut of depression I might never escape from.
Whoo! Ten days and I've made some amazing headway! I am now completely over the edge. Crippling self worth problems combined with a pessimistic attitude and what would probably be considered mental instability, all brought to a boil by an offhanded comment from someone about my awkwardness in social situations.
Twenty minutes and fourteen shots later, and I couldn't remember that I was even depressed in the first place. Great times.
Nerivant wrote:I generally totter on the precipice every second of my existence. One slip and I'd probably fall into a rut of depression I might never escape from.
Whoo! Ten days and I've made some amazing headway! I am now completely over the edge. Crippling self worth problems combined with a pessimistic attitude and what would probably be considered mental instability, all brought to a boil by an offhanded comment from someone about my awkwardness in social situations.
Twenty minutes and fourteen shots later, and I couldn't remember that I was even depressed in the first place. Great times.
Booze isn't the answer. Weed on the other hand...
Bull. Booze is the answer.
The only question is, "how long can I go on like this?"
