I was driving up to Montana for a Christmas visit with some friends a few years back, and pulled into a gas station in Idaho at about 11pm.
Driving up to the pumps, I noticed a guy that didn't look in much danger of appearing on the honor roll anywhere with three equally witless looking women standing around him by the pumps.
As I got closer I noticed he had a lighter with which he proceeded to light some fringes hanging from his coat, covering his arm in flames which he then put out by snapping his arm down. The four of them were obviously quite amused at this display of intelligence so they went for a repeat performance.
I decided I didn't want to appear in the next morning's paper and hauled ass out of that place, noticing that this genius kept setting his coat sleeve on fire and putting it out, all the while standing by the gas pumps.
Anyone here have similar stories of Darwin Award candidates?
I will relate a funny and witty event that occured back in my EMT/Ambulance days:
The city I worked for didn't have actual buildings for the ambulances, we would stage in different areas based on historic call volumes. So for this event we were sitting in our ambulance, parked in a gas station parking lot in the southside. This area was prime gang territory, but the gangs were always pretty good about leaving us alone. They like the guys that might have to save them later.
While we were sitting there we were watching a group of about 10-15 gangbangers sporting their fancy blue colors hanging out in the parking lot across the street, just doing their gang stuff.
Suddenly a car pulls up and drives through the parking lot opposite of us. 4 guys sporting red throwing gang signs at the large group in blue. Lots of cussing and hollering as the red car drives away.
5 minutes later and the car with our red-clothed friends drives back through the parking lot going the opposite way. More gang signs being thrown around, more screaming, very amusing.
Well, about 5 minutes later we watch that car coming back down the street again. As they pull into the parking lot to pick on the poor blues again the car hits the curb pretty hard and wouldn't you know it, the car with the reds in them decides to stall out.
So here we are in our ambulance, watching the 4 guys in red looking pretty panicky while trying to start their car back up, and the 10-15 guys in blue slowly marching towards said car.
Don't know the turnout since we decided to leave the intersection while calling PD on the radio to let them know that they might have a little gangwar in a few.
Well, most of America's Funniest Home Videos, if I'm being perfectly honest...
This wasn't something I saw, but heard. I work at a Walmart bakery, and one day, I wound up picking up a phone. The following exchange happened:
Me: Hello, this is the bakery, how can I help you? Customer: Yes, is this the bakery? Me: ...
Oh, and I seem to get this one depressingly often. I'm putting products on the shelves, restocking things and rearranging things, and I'll have someone come up to me and ask "Excuse me, do you work here?"
I always want to say "Nah, I just have a hobby of coming to Walmart stores, putting on a uniform, stealing stuff out of the freezers and putting things on shelves. It's just such an addictive thing to do."
One Morning, around 2:00am, me, my brother and some of our mates were walking to the gas station for a meat pie, as you would at two in the morning right?
Anyways, as we were walking back, we were talking about girls, and then one of my mates said (I QUOTE!) "Girls are like an Rubix-Cub, you can keep turning and turning, but you can never figure them out". I JUST managed to hold in this great heap of laughter, but then like two minutes later, he said (I QUOTE AGIAN!) "Guys, I'm totally ready for a kid" and what you have to consider is that we are all 17-18 years old. Then I just simply started to laugh my loudest, as did my brother, for about five minutes, Now, said friend was not very happy with me and my brother (undermining someones thoughts and integrity does tend to piss people off) but sierously, how could you not laugh?
It was a few years ago and I was with my mother on holiday in Blackpool (big beach resort in Britain) waiting for a bus around midday. Whilst I was waiting I saw a gangly man, quite drunk , holding a large yet moist clump of horse faeces in his hand; which I could tell he had smeared on his T-shirt several times. I believe he was shouting in the presence of several hundred people on the Blackpool promenade in a coarse Scottish accent 'Woah, have a smell a ma horse !'; holding the matter in question out for passers-by. lols.
This might sound a bit boring but it was DEFINITELY bloody stupid.
My mate, his dad and I walked upto to the window of this shop, the better to peruse the fine wares on offer. Now, because the big, CLEAN windows were spotless they were kind of hard to see which resulted in my mates, dads face smashing, with rather undignified grace, straight into the window. The impact rocked him back with convincing force and my mate and I just stood there gawping at the quivering glass, stunned speechless at the level of force that had been involved.
After a few moments of my mates dad walking in circles while winding down, he returned and rejoined the two of us. And that would have been the end of it...had my mates dad, with a hint of daja vu, smashed his face into the exact same spot of the window that he had had a misunderstanding with a few short minutes before and TWICE as hard as before too.
My drunken mate decided that putting the frying pan he had just used to cook some eggs in against different parts of his body, just to see how much it hurt. That was just one of the many dumb things done that night.
Some locals have been thinking it's a good idea to toss bricks through windows around my area. There doesn't seem to be any motive, which makes it that much more stupid.
I saw a woman driving while trying to read a kindle by pressing it against the steering wheel with one hand. At the same time she was also trying to put on lipstick. All this while driving.
I've seen someone parallel park, quite amazingly in fact, into this tiny space. He had it perfect... until he forgot to hit the brake and ended up coasting into the care in front of him, tapping it. Now that care apparently didn't have its parking brake on, can it got pushed forward and hit the car in front of it.
No real damage (the first car couldn't have been going more than 5 mph) but it was funny to watch.
A mate of mine from school set his legs alight with deodorant to show off to some girls.
Another friend snorted an entire packet of pepper.
Another friend overdosed on mushrooms and various other things because he had been dumped, and we went to get him clean and ended up on an accidental pub crawl.
Don't flay me here, but one time I saw one of the special needs cart boys at Wal-mart pushing a cart front end first into another cart's front end, confused as hell at why it wasn't going in. I watched this for a good 5 minutes straight til he got mad, made this loud squawking noise, then stomped off. Everyone present ashamedly laughed their asses off.
Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Don't flay me here, but one time I saw one of the special needs cart boys at Wal-mart pushing a cart front end first into another cart's front end, confused as hell at why it wasn't going in. I watched this for a good 5 minutes straight til he got mad, made this loud squawking noise, then stomped off. Everyone present ashamedly laughed their asses off.
Da Boss wrote:A mate of mine from school set his legs alight with deodorant to show off to some girls.
Ooo ooo, that reminds me of a time, in the school corridor, when me mate Nicky whopped a can of deodorant out of his bag, gathered a group of at least half a dozen girls around him and then confidently told them that he was going to show them something that they had never seen before. You get that? Something..that...they..had...never...seen..before. How true, how so very true that was.
He must have put half of the can's contents on his...err..hair? As far as I was concerned, this was definitely a development that made me happy. I was looking forward to this.
What followed was nothing short of...err, memorable.
With a deft flick of his wrist, the Zippo popped into life which was then fearlessly put to his waiting hair. With a surprisingly loud WHOOSH which forced everyone watching to unconsciously take a step back from the raging inferno before them. This was followed by the most spine chilling roar-screech that Iv'e possibly ever heard emanate from a human. The girls and I were so completely engrossed in the entertainment that we hardly noticed the mighty frame of Beefy Brogan fly down the stairs and rapidly approached the Human Torch. I remember thinking how out of order it was to choose this particular moment to settle old scores but as Brogan reached his target he flung a coat over the flaming fools head and put him out. Damned killjoy.
Three weeks later when Nicky had resumed his human form he returned to school with a proud new name.
Relapse wrote:I was driving up to Montana for a Christmas visit with some friends a few years back, and pulled into a gas station in Idaho at about 11pm.
Driving up to the pumps, I noticed a guy that didn't look in much danger of appearing on the honor roll anywhere with three equally witless looking women standing around him by the pumps.
As I got closer I noticed he had a lighter with which he proceeded to light some fringes hanging from his coat, covering his arm in flames which he then put out by snapping his arm down. The four of them were obviously quite amused at this display of intelligence so they went for a repeat performance.
I decided I didn't want to appear in the next morning's paper and hauled ass out of that place, noticing that this genius kept setting his coat sleeve on fire and putting it out, all the while standing by the gas pumps.
Anyone here have similar stories of Darwin Award candidates?
Idaho espiecally within 100 miles of Monida is an Idiot preserve, thats why (repeat offender)Juvie is in Dillion. They are hoping that those morons will esacape and head west.\
Oddly some other donkey-caves more than mild idiocy almost killed me.
In da army they have these funny signs on all the fuel trucks and airplane tiedowns that announce "no smoking within 50ft." We had just finished pumping about 55 gallons of 100 octane low lead av gas into a bird and started the preflight. So I took a fuel sample. A suitable technological process that involves a flathead screwdriver and a mason jar that leaves the unfortunate victim covered in fuel that doesn't make it into the jar. So here I am right arm covered in rapidly evaporating gas CARRYING the blue koolaid evidence of my flamability to the storage point when one of our new privates lights a cig right next to me (well 5-7ft ish). He set me the feth on fire. Instead of remembering the "stop drop and roll" rule I dropped the sample (which broke and luckily didnt set on fire or get on me) and proceeded to begin to beat the life out of the offending moron, whilst still on fire and well within the 50ft of both airplane and fuel point. I have no idea how long I wailed on him before another dude tackled me and put out the fire, long enough to cause plenty of damage and earn me a quiet reprimand from our CO and an equally quiet congratulations from Top.
Krellnus wrote:A turkey? What is this? A birthday, we all know weddings have to have at least two of the tasty birds.
Sigged
But no I was saying watching my friend marry that chick was the most stupid thing I have ever seen someone do
Aaaah, is she one of those 'clingy always spend time with me and noone else' types? Or is she a bit slower than the rest of us, do tell Johnny.
Yah she was one of those "Oh he is one of your best mates? Well we are moving to Seattle and never seeing you again" types.... Plus side she was hot.... Why are the hot ones always insane
Before buying my house, we lived in a trailer park, and everyone knows the the fething weirdest things go down in trailer parks. So one summer, Im sitting in my living room, with the windows open, when I hear this incredibly loud blood curdling scream. It was a woman and she was running past my trailer for her life, SCREAMING! Obviously that got my attention, so I look out the window with the WTF look, when I see a big ol fat guy, wearing just tighty whities and tennis shoes (Think Preston from Jackass) chasing after this woman screaming how hes going to kill her for eating the last whatever the food item was.
I didnt know weather to laugh hysterically, or call the cops.
KingCracker wrote:Before buying my house, we lived in a trailer park, and everyone knows the the fething weirdest things go down in trailer parks. So one summer, Im sitting in my living room, with the windows open, when I hear this incredibly loud blood curdling scream. It was a woman and she was running past my trailer for her life, SCREAMING! Obviously that got my attention, so I look out the window with the WTF look, when I see a big ol fat guy, wearing just tighty whities and tennis shoes (Think Preston from Jackass) chasing after this woman screaming how hes going to kill her for eating the last whatever the food item was.
I didnt know weather to laugh hysterically, or call the cops.
Option C. Call the cops. Make popcorn. Go sit out side and watch the ultimate 3D COPS episode.
And also when a girl says the Spainish from Spain. Are Mexicans. Yup. That Makes Sense! Spanish People from Spain... Are Mexicans. Yes because everyone that speaks spanish is from south and central america.
Also when a girl Asked in my class. "So wait Abraham Lincoln Was assassinated?"
Oh it gets better.
"Wait JFK? Who's that?"
"Moon Landings?"
"Who is Dwight D. Eisenhower?"
"What date was D-day?"
"How Do you make that whistling noise with your mouth?" (Dear god)
"Wait so your Australian? Wait is their language called Australian? Can you speak it?" ( I am serious, the person was not bsing me. They thought I was an Illegal Immigrant and then...)
"Wait is your mom an Illegal Immigrant? Like a Mexican?"
Me: "She got married to an American." (and she has a PHD)
"Wait they can do that?"
Me : "Yes, They can."
"So If I married someone from India."
Me: "Not the same Deal, Mate, Its mostly here in the states."
"The what?"
Me: "The States."
"Huh? The States."
Me: "The United States of America, By the way, are you planning on becoming a baggage carrier?" (Yup, I said that, that person hates me now, but they accused me of being a communist because he believes social health care is bad and never works, and that the true way to rule a government is through fear and torture.)
Someone Confused Winston Churchill with Stalin. And directly blocked my teacher from correcting them. Calling the teacher dumb for trying to confuse Churchill as one of history's worst Russian Leaders.
Someone thought the Campagin at Gallipoli was an American Battle in WW2.
Someone told me New Zealand (Kiwis) and Aussies have no differences. Nothing in the accents and no differences in culture. They all look white. And they are all named Shirley and Rick. For those who don't know those two are slang words used in Australia. He failed to recognize I lived in Sydney, Australia. (They themselves never meeting a Kiwi or an Aussie, except for me.)
Someone tried to explain to me that all cultures no matter where have killed their native populations. Including New Zealand. I asked them if they knew what the Captial of Australia was. They Answered Sydney. I laughed.
Someone tried to convince me that I was a horrible person for not wanting to participate as a member for Invisible Childern. And that I had never worked at a charity. (I have worked for five charities all above 1,000 hours in service.)
Someone called me sexist for not letting a girl use a shovel because she looked tired and i gave her a break. She took the break, her mother came up to me and proclaimed me to be sexist for not letting her daughter work longer hours compared to the guys. (This is charity work mind you so she still gets service hours. Daughter was nice, her mother not so much.)
In high school, one of my friends bet me I couldn't drink an 8oz cup of vinegar. No money involved, just bet I couldn't do it. I did. Boy, did I regret it all afternoon-didn't throw up, just felt awful. Lol. I did some dumb stuff in HS...
timetowaste85 wrote:In high school, one of my friends bet me I couldn't drink an 8oz cup of vinegar. No money involved, just bet I couldn't do it. I did. Boy, did I regret it all afternoon-didn't throw up, just felt awful. Lol. I did some dumb stuff in HS...
Everyone did something stupid HS that they regret doing.
Reminds me should make a thread about that.
Relapse wrote:I was driving up to Montana for a Christmas visit with some friends a few years back, and pulled into a gas station in Idaho at about 11pm.
Driving up to the pumps, I noticed a guy that didn't look in much danger of appearing on the honor roll anywhere with three equally witless looking women standing around him by the pumps.
As I got closer I noticed he had a lighter with which he proceeded to light some fringes hanging from his coat, covering his arm in flames which he then put out by snapping his arm down. The four of them were obviously quite amused at this display of intelligence so they went for a repeat performance.
I decided I didn't want to appear in the next morning's paper and hauled ass out of that place, noticing that this genius kept setting his coat sleeve on fire and putting it out, all the while standing by the gas pumps.
Anyone here have similar stories of Darwin Award candidates?
Idaho espiecally within 100 miles of Monida is an Idiot preserve, thats why (repeat offender)Juvie is in Dillion. They are hoping that those morons will esacape and head west.\
Oddly some other donkey-caves more than mild idiocy almost killed me.
In da army they have these funny signs on all the fuel trucks and airplane tiedowns that announce "no smoking within 50ft." We had just finished pumping about 55 gallons of 100 octane low lead av gas into a bird and started the preflight. So I took a fuel sample. A suitable technological process that involves a flathead screwdriver and a mason jar that leaves the unfortunate victim covered in fuel that doesn't make it into the jar. So here I am right arm covered in rapidly evaporating gas CARRYING the blue koolaid evidence of my flamability to the storage point when one of our new privates lights a cig right next to me (well 5-7ft ish). He set me the feth on fire. Instead of remembering the "stop drop and roll" rule I dropped the sample (which broke and luckily didnt set on fire or get on me) and proceeded to begin to beat the life out of the offending moron, whilst still on fire and well within the 50ft of both airplane and fuel point. I have no idea how long I wailed on him before another dude tackled me and put out the fire, long enough to cause plenty of damage and earn me a quiet reprimand from our CO and an equally quiet congratulations from Top.
Did that idiot at least get NJP? That must have been a sight, a man in flames beating the crap out of someone too stupid to live.
Everybody knows tha capital of Austrailia is London: idiots.
I had a hooters waitress ID me (what with the receding hairline and gray side it's not a common thing anymore) I gave her my .mil she gleefully flips it over, pretty sure failed to find my DOB and exlaims,"you're from Geneva?!"
For several seconds I and everyone else stared at her expecting it to be a punchline: she wanted me to answer.
AustonT wrote:
I had a hooters waitress ID me (what with the receding hairline and gray side it's not a common thing anymore) I gave her my .mil she gleefully flips it over, pretty sure failed to find my DOB and exlaims,"you're from Geneva?!"
For several seconds I and everyone else stared at her expecting it to be a punchline: she wanted me to answer.
I'm rarely shocked by people. That one got me.
Where did she come up with Geneva? I've not seen a mil in some time, so I might be missing something.
AustonT wrote:
I had a hooters waitress ID me (what with the receding hairline and gray side it's not a common thing anymore) I gave her my .mil she gleefully flips it over, pretty sure failed to find my DOB and exlaims,"you're from Geneva?!"
For several seconds I and everyone else stared at her expecting it to be a punchline: she wanted me to answer.
I'm rarely shocked by people. That one got me.
Where did she come up with Geneva? I've not seen a mil in some time, so I might be missing something.
The old Green IDs in bold print across the long edge say "GENEVA CONVENTION IDENTIFICATION CARD" the newer cards are seanad more subtle. This was of the green variety. In somewhat larger print across the top it also says in all caps, "armed forces of the united states"
My friend once decided to dip his finger in hot wax, and when it burned his finger he put his finger in his moth to ease the pain. Only problem was his finger was still covered in wax.
That actually reminds me of stupid thing someone did:
A guy I knew in high school, emphasis on guy, took a job as a waiter at Hooter's. He had to wear a tight wife beater and old school orange running shorts.
To this day my 16 year old sister believes the American Civil War was fought by Austria and Japan...and my 14 year old sister thinks that Russia and Turkey fought in the Revolutionary War.
Skycrawler wrote:To this day my 16 year old sister believes the American Civil War was fought by Austria and Japan
bull gak. Or your sister should be culled from the gene pool lest her inability to see the basic fault in that logic be passed on to a new generation. but mostly bull gak.
Skycrawler wrote:To this day my 16 year old sister believes the American Civil War was fought by Austria and Japan
bull gak. Or your sister should be culled from the gene pool lest her inability to see the basic fault in that logic be passed on to a new generation. but mostly bull gak.
I wish I were lying, heck I wish that she had a Final Destination moment when we went to Six Flags last summer.
Skycrawler wrote:To this day my 16 year old sister believes the American Civil War was fought by Austria and Japan...and my 14 year old sister thinks that Russia and Turkey fought in the Revolutionary War.
Oh, we totally kicked Japan's a...oh, Austria, sorry, different war...
Asherian Command wrote:Someone told me New Zealand (Kiwis) and Aussies have no differences. Nothing in the accents and no differences in culture. They all look white. And they are all named Shirley and Rick. For those who don't know those two are slang words used in Australia. He failed to recognize I lived in Sydney, Australia. (They themselves never meeting a Kiwi or an Aussie, except for me.)
Someone tried to explain to me that all cultures no matter where have killed their native populations. Including New Zealand. I asked them if they knew what the Captial of Australia was. They Answered Sydney. I laughed.
Reminds me of the lead for clash of the titans that just came out. Aussie lead for a greek charactor? Would you be offended?
I swear that if he was going to pick two names, he would have been better off with Steave as one of them.
Having worked 48 hours in one week at a restaurant due to covering for a couple of collegues with another four still to work I remarked to another waiter that I was knackered. At this point the chef, who had been off for 2 days, piped up with "You need a break? I need a break, I work full time. F***ing part timers!"
Asherian Command wrote:Someone told me New Zealand (Kiwis) and Aussies have no differences. Nothing in the accents and no differences in culture. They all look white. And they are all named Shirley and Rick. For those who don't know those two are slang words used in Australia. He failed to recognize I lived in Sydney, Australia. (They themselves never meeting a Kiwi or an Aussie, except for me.)
Someone tried to explain to me that all cultures no matter where have killed their native populations. Including New Zealand. I asked them if they knew what the Captial of Australia was. They Answered Sydney. I laughed.
Reminds me of the lead for clash of the titans that just came out. Aussie lead for a greek charactor? Would you be offended?
I swear that if he was going to pick two names, he would have been better off with Steave as one of them.
Kinda agree. But he is a limey.
And not an especially good limey. Not a very good example of his homeland I must say.
I think all the people who think not knowing something is the most stupid thing they ever witnessed must hate themselves a lot. The amount of things you do not know is so much bigger than the amount of things you know, aren't you stupid? And who are you to judge what things people must know and what they do not have to know in order to not be stupid? I am sure you do know a lot of things I have no idea of and vice versa.
Sure, it is a funny thing that Australia's most well-known city is not its capital city, resulting in many people believing Sydney to be the capital. But that is far from stupid, that is merely a common misunderstanding. If you think that is stupid, ask yourself of how many countries in the world you know the capital. And then ask yourself why you think it were important to know them. Do you use that knowledge, ever, except to deride people who do not know that?
tl;dr: If you consider others stupid when they do not know a few facts, then you are probably more stupid than them.
Relapse wrote:I was driving up to Montana for a Christmas visit with some friends a few years back, and pulled into a gas station in Idaho at about 11pm.
Driving up to the pumps, I noticed a guy that didn't look in much danger of appearing on the honor roll anywhere with three equally witless looking women standing around him by the pumps.
As I got closer I noticed he had a lighter with which he proceeded to light some fringes hanging from his coat, covering his arm in flames which he then put out by snapping his arm down. The four of them were obviously quite amused at this display of intelligence so they went for a repeat performance.
I decided I didn't want to appear in the next morning's paper and hauled ass out of that place, noticing that this genius kept setting his coat sleeve on fire and putting it out, all the while standing by the gas pumps.
Anyone here have similar stories of Darwin Award candidates?
Idaho espiecally within 100 miles of Monida is an Idiot preserve, thats why (repeat offender)Juvie is in Dillion. They are hoping that those morons will esacape and head west.\
Oddly some other donkey-caves more than mild idiocy almost killed me.
In da army they have these funny signs on all the fuel trucks and airplane tiedowns that announce "no smoking within 50ft." We had just finished pumping about 55 gallons of 100 octane low lead av gas into a bird and started the preflight. So I took a fuel sample. A suitable technological process that involves a flathead screwdriver and a mason jar that leaves the unfortunate victim covered in fuel that doesn't make it into the jar. So here I am right arm covered in rapidly evaporating gas CARRYING the blue koolaid evidence of my flamability to the storage point when one of our new privates lights a cig right next to me (well 5-7ft ish). He set me the feth on fire. Instead of remembering the "stop drop and roll" rule I dropped the sample (which broke and luckily didnt set on fire or get on me) and proceeded to begin to beat the life out of the offending moron, whilst still on fire and well within the 50ft of both airplane and fuel point. I have no idea how long I wailed on him before another dude tackled me and put out the fire, long enough to cause plenty of damage and earn me a quiet reprimand from our CO and an equally quiet congratulations from Top.
Speaking of stupidity and fuel. A friend of our family was divorced a few years ago, and like any middle aged man, after the divorce was final, he went on a spree of crazy sex dates and such. ANYWAYS, this one lady he dated was easily, the dumbest person in the world. He told us that while going out to eat, he stopped at the gas station to fill up, and asked her, while Im inside, would you fill the car up? She said sure. So he goes in, waits awhile, nothing happens, so he looks out, and shes just staring at the gas pump. So he goes out "Whats wrong?" and her reply was "How do they put all that gas in such a small pump?"
I saw two blokes point and fire their weapons at me outside Baghdad International Airport, I was travelling at speed on Route Irish and had an underslung grenade launcher.
mattyrm wrote: I saw two blokes point and fire their weapons at me outside Baghdad International Airport, I was travelling at speed on Route Irish and had an underslung grenade launcher.
One of my mates jumped on anothers back walking back from the pub. This was not welcome so he got thrown back of........onto the plate glass windon of a rather nice Bistro.
It all went a bit slowmo at that point and i watched in curiosity as my mate bounced off as the glass slowly went convex over the course of what seemed like several seconds then exploded inwards much to the suprise of the unhurt and unsuspecting dinners.
In the spirit of an innocent accident we ran and hid in a lock-in pub down the road. The rozzers never found the culprits thanks to an excellent alliby provided by the publican.
On another occassion at the rugby club I saw someone try to pass wind on his team mates head as he bent down. Sadly thanks to the previous nights curry he folowed through.............
mattyrm wrote: I saw two blokes point and fire their weapons at me outside Baghdad International Airport, I was travelling at speed on Route Irish and had an underslung grenade launcher.
They must have been fething mental.
I'm assuming you got them both?
Span round, fired a quick snap shot, landed about 4 feet from one of them, two KIA with one shot cos the dumb feths were stood almost on top of each other, confirmed by the Americans, went for tea and stickies in the PX, slept like a fething baby.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
notprop wrote:One of my mates jumped on anothers back walking back from the pub. This was not welcome so he got thrown back of........onto the plate glass windon of a rather nice Bistro.
It all went a bit slowmo at that point and i watched in curiosity as my mate bounced off as the glass slowly went convex over the course of what seemed like several seconds then exploded inwards much to the suprise of the unhurt and unsuspecting dinners.
In the spirit of an innocent accident we ran and hid in a lock-in pub down the road. The rozzers never found the culprits thanks to an excellent alliby provided by the publican.
That's a fething quality story. Good effort by the landlord as well!
It would have been better if he landed on a table with people eating, and then a diner punched him, and then you all waded in and had a bar room brawl.
Generally it's cyclists disregarding red lights at crossroads, amazingly stupid and I see it a lot.
In terms of sheer dumbness it would have to be a simple friend of mine who decided to test the strength of my superglue by applying it to the tips of his index fingers and sticking them together - unbelievable, I was speechless!
RossDas wrote:Generally it's cyclists disregarding red lights at crossroads, amazingly stupid and I see it a lot.
In terms of sheer dumbness it would have to be a simple friend of mine who decided to test the strength of my superglue by applying it to the tips of his index fingers and sticking them together - unbelievable, I was speechless!
It doesn't count unless you take the 'American Pie Challenge'.
One of my coworkers who is absolutely clueless when it comes to anything related to politics also serves in the national guard.
Here is a recap of the conversation we had last year while she was telling me that everything related to the President is evil:
Me: "You realize we are working for the President right?"
Her: "No we are not, we are working for the Department of Defense."
Me: "We are not working for the Department of Defense, and even if we were, that would still be under the President..."
Her: "No, we are under the DoD and don't report to the President!"
Me: "We are working for the Department of Veterans Affairs, we are a cabinet level department, Eric Shinseki reports directly to Obama as the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. We are part of the Executive Branch of the United States Government..."
Her (yelling at this point): "No we are not! We are part of the administrative branch of government, we don't report to Obama!"
Me (with my mouth just wide open at this point): "Wow, that was the dumbest thing I have heard in a long time..." as I walked away.
How the feth do you not know who the heck you work for?
When the wife and I were traveling across eastern Europe our tour stopped in Warsaw. One of the excursions was to visit Auswitz (sp?). Anyway we went as we're both jewish and I'm a history nut. The group was probably 80% Australian with Americans and Canadians rounding out the rest.
Anyway we are in one of the rooms used for mass burnings of the bodies and fairly late in the tour (like maybe 15-20 minutes left) and this dillhole (at least 24 years old) climbs into one of the furnace/ovens once the guide is walking out of the room, laughs, and says
"this is totally impractical, they should have made it bigger, they can only fit one at a time in here"
I'd never been that angry in my life as an adult and it's a good thing I didn't have a lighter or weapon on me.....
Hulksmash wrote:When the wife and I were traveling across eastern Europe our tour stopped in Warsaw. One of the excursions was to visit Auswitz (sp?). Anyway we went as we're both jewish and I'm a history nut. The group was probably 80% Australian with Americans and Canadians rounding out the rest.
Anyway we are in one of the rooms used for mass burnings of the bodies and fairly late in the tour (like maybe 15-20 minutes left) and this dillhole (at least 24 years old) climbs into one of the furnace/ovens once the guide is walking out of the room, laughs, and says
"this is totally impractical, they should have made it bigger, they can only fit one at a time in here"
I'd never been that angry in my life as an adult and it's a good thing I didn't have a lighter or weapon on me.....
I commend you for not beating the crap out of somebody who truly deserved it. People like that give my generation a bad name.
notprop wrote:The rozzers never found the culprits thanks to an excellent alliby provided by the publican.
While I do understand this, I find it funny that it took me more effort to grasp British English than it generally takes me to grasp French or Spanish.
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d-usa wrote:Was able to visit Dachau once, just being in that place gave me such a feeling of dread and sadness as soon as I stepped in through the gates.
I read that as Dhaka, and thought "Its not that bad."
notprop wrote:The rozzers never found the culprits thanks to an excellent alliby provided by the publican.
While I do understand this, I find it funny that it took me more effort to grasp British English than it generally takes me to grasp French or Spanish.
I think there's a few hundred slang terms for the Police like.. wasn't the term rozzers initially coined in a clockwork orange or am I thinking of another one?
Its the one I use most commonly anyway, I think you can actually get nicked if you call a peeler a pig, rozzer seems to be acceptable though because my brothers mate is with the law and he introduces himself as a rozzer.
My missus said she is amazed how many words we use for "head"
As in your barnet. (crust, napper, bonce, swede etc)
Hulksmash wrote:When the wife and I were traveling across eastern Europe our tour stopped in Warsaw. One of the excursions was to visit Auswitz (sp?). Anyway we went as we're both jewish and I'm a history nut. The group was probably 80% Australian with Americans and Canadians rounding out the rest.
Anyway we are in one of the rooms used for mass burnings of the bodies and fairly late in the tour (like maybe 15-20 minutes left) and this dillhole (at least 24 years old) climbs into one of the furnace/ovens once the guide is walking out of the room, laughs, and says
"this is totally impractical, they should have made it bigger, they can only fit one at a time in here"
I'd never been that angry in my life as an adult and it's a good thing I didn't have a lighter or weapon on me.....
Honestly, Ithink that you did incredibly well holding yourself up.
I'd probably have backhanded him until his cheeks were ruddy and he was crying. And in all honesty, I don't think anybody would stop me.
My stupid moment would probably having my friends decide that it was a great idea speeding down a hill on black ice.
After the bleeding on his face stopped, he looked as though someone had gone at him with a cheese grater.
mattyrm wrote:
I think there's a few hundred slang terms for the Police like.. wasn't the term rozzers initially coined in a clockwork orange or am I thinking of another one?
Google says by Sir Robert Peel.
Millicent is Clockwork.
mattyrm wrote:
My missus said she is amazed how many words we use for "head"
Dude, your rhyming slang is fething baffling to me.
Seriously, how do stairs become "apples and pears"?
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notprop wrote:
French and Spanish are easy, they're the same but you just have to be a bit louder.
And alternately be holding a baguette, or a guitar.
You pick a word that rhymes with the original word, preferably a two parter, and then only use the second (non rhyming part) in the place. Some common ones:
I haven't a scooby - I haven't a scooby doo - I haven't a clue.
I'm going for a barry - I'm going for a barry white - I'm going for a gak.
I've heard all of these before.
Ireland has a much less baffling love of giving any monument an irreverent rhyming nickname. So the Spire of Light in dublin becomes the Stiffey By the Liffey, the Erection at the Intersection. There's another statue called The Floozies in the Jaccuzi, the one of Wilde is The Queer with the Leer, the one of Joyce I think is The Prick with the Stick. It goes on. The Hags with the Bags, and the Tart with the Cart (Molly Malone) are another two good ones I know.
Erection at the Intersection is my favourite though.
d-usa wrote:I work for the Department of Veterans Affairs.
One of my coworkers who is absolutely clueless when it comes to anything related to politics also serves in the national guard.
Here is a recap of the conversation we had last year while she was telling me that everything related to the President is evil:
Me: "You realize we are working for the President right?" Her: "No we are not, we are working for the Department of Defense." Me: "We are not working for the Department of Defense, and even if we were, that would still be under the President..." Her: "No, we are under the DoD and don't report to the President!" Me: "We are working for the Department of Veterans Affairs, we are a cabinet level department, Eric Shinseki reports directly to Obama as the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. We are part of the Executive Branch of the United States Government..." Her (yelling at this point): "No we are not! We are part of the administrative branch of government, we don't report to Obama!" Me (with my mouth just wide open at this point): "Wow, that was the dumbest thing I have heard in a long time..." as I walked away.
How the feth do you not know who the heck you work for?
At Rockness, after a significant amount of alcoholic beverage intake, myself and smoe friends decided that it would be a good idea to pull me down a hill as fast as possible whilst I "surfed" the sledge. It hurt a lot, but fortunately no broken bones
notprop wrote:The rozzers never found the culprits thanks to an excellent alliby provided by the publican.
While I do understand this, I find it funny that it took me more effort to grasp British English than it generally takes me to grasp French or Spanish.
Holy gak, I read and understood something better then Dogma? I have to admit, I feel rather smart right now.......now that I think about this a bit......... I feel dumb
The dumbest thing I've seen anyone do was a couple of local smackheads CLIMB the 8' barbed wire topped brick wall of the local OMC ("Outlaw Motorcycle club") chapter clubhouse (Nomads) - it's a block away behind our house.
The bikers in question were home (at least a few of them were) judging by the fact that their Harleys were parked out front.
Now, opportunistic smackies around here are not that uncommon. Ones with this little urge for self preservation are rare.
Whilst the Nomads are not the baddest-asses in the neighbourhood (as far as the OMCs go), they ARE people you really don't want to annoy.
Anyhow, the lads indoors allowed the miscreants to trip their alarm on the way over (it's got cameras and sensors all over the place - a veritable fortress in suburbia ) and when the cops eventually turned up, they received two slightly battered and probably still insensate junkies.
"They fell while climbing over the wall" was the line given to the cops. "We have it on camera." was added, just in case the cops didn't believe their "excuse".
Squigsquasher wrote:At school, when we went to the Natural History Museum, one of the boys thought that the statue of Charles Darwin was Abraham Lincoln.
I want to cry...
Another stupid thing I've seen people do is try and repair a non-functional TV by wrenching it open and fiddling with things. They had NO engineering experience and were not aware that television aerials had been converted to digital.
chromedog wrote:The dumbest thing I've seen anyone do was a couple of local smackheads CLIMB the 8' barbed wire topped brick wall of the local OMC ("Outlaw Motorcycle club") chapter clubhouse (Nomads) - it's a block away behind our house.
The bikers in question were home (at least a few of them were) judging by the fact that their Harleys were parked out front.
Now, opportunistic smackies around here are not that uncommon. Ones with this little urge for self preservation are rare.
Whilst the Nomads are not the baddest-asses in the neighbourhood (as far as the OMCs go), they ARE people you really don't want to annoy.
Anyhow, the lads indoors allowed the miscreants to trip their alarm on the way over (it's got cameras and sensors all over the place - a veritable fortress in suburbia ) and when the cops eventually turned up, they received two slightly battered and probably still insensate junkies.
"They fell while climbing over the wall" was the line given to the cops. "We have it on camera." was added, just in case the cops didn't believe their "excuse".
Reminds me of the bunch behind my friend's house on the South Side. Much of the area is becoming blighted due to an increasing crime rate, but not the couple blocks around their place. They keep the petty criminals away, and - if they are actually doing anything illegal themselves - they are smart enough to not do it at home.
My friend takes them a case of beer periodically and hangs out a bit, and in return they help keep an eye on his place.
This one time, I was building some marines with my friend when he got glue on his hand. He then proceeded to face palm. Ten minutes later, we were in hospital.
Im the idiot in this one. Ever set a can of tuna in a campfire to heat up the meat SEALED?! Ya that was me one hungover day in Yosemite. It sounds like a gunshot so scared the whole campground at 6 AM,.
Defeatmyarmy wrote:Im the idiot in this one. Ever set a can of tuna in a campfire to heat up the meat SEALED?! Ya that was me one hungover day in Yosemite. It sounds like a gunshot so scared the whole campground at 6 AM,.
I had a similar WTF moment once. I stuck an unopened bottle of coke in the freezer, so it would turn to slush. Took it out, and when I opened it, the cola exploded strait out of the bottle and covered the ceiling. It was truly hilarious, and would make for a great party prank
d-usa wrote:I work for the Department of Veterans Affairs.
One of my coworkers who is absolutely clueless when it comes to anything related to politics also serves in the national guard.
Here is a recap of the conversation we had last year while she was telling me that everything related to the President is evil:
Me: "You realize we are working for the President right?"
Her: "No we are not, we are working for the Department of Defense."
Me: "We are not working for the Department of Defense, and even if we were, that would still be under the President..."
Her: "No, we are under the DoD and don't report to the President!"
Me: "We are working for the Department of Veterans Affairs, we are a cabinet level department, Eric Shinseki reports directly to Obama as the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. We are part of the Executive Branch of the United States Government..."
Her (yelling at this point): "No we are not! We are part of the administrative branch of government, we don't report to Obama!"
Me (with my mouth just wide open at this point): "Wow, that was the dumbest thing I have heard in a long time..." as I walked away.
How the feth do you not know who the heck you work for?
So you work for me?
What I just got out of that is that Frazzled just said he was President Obama.
I think I just had a good one the other day. We were all at a buddy's house, me and another guy basically learning some mixed drinks because we just turned 21. The guy who owned the bar and all its liquor offered a drink to make us manly men, a few drops of 150 proof grain alcohol. We thought, "what the hell, just a few drops, right?"
I watched one of my buddies put half a bag of "pop-rocks" in his eye just to say he could do it.... after a few minutes we heard loud popping sounds then him hitting the deck screaming bloody murder
I went down to the market one day for some holiday or another and (this is in nepal, remember) and the neighorhood drunk was lying in the mud, with a bottle in either hand, shirtless and his you-know-what showing. he was snoozing there, the cops come over and stand in a ring around this guy and crack up, one of them pokes the guy with his rifle and tells him to get out of the road and be drunk somewhere else. (very friendly here so it was more cordial than you would think.) and the guy wakes up for a moment and does the equivalent of telling him to piss off. the cops start nudgeing him with their boots and poking him and telling him to get up. He does not. so they pick him up and drag him over to the field. I followed.
they dump the guy in the grass and he loses it. He picks up handfuls of (I kid you not) grass and starts trying to throw them at the police, who start howling with laughter and making faces at him, sticking their tongues out, ducking, acting mock-terrified and hiding behind people, the guy, flapping all over the place, seizes a few more handfuls of grass and flings them a whole two feet before he picks up a brick, he tries to throw it, it lands on his foot and he howls in pain, then the drunk picked it up again and tried again, all he succeeded in doing was spinning like a ballerina because he forgot to let go, and flopping on the ground, asleep again.
ineptus astartes wrote:I went down to the market one day for some holiday or another and (this is in nepal, remember) and the neighorhood drunk was lying in the mud, with a bottle in either hand, shirtless and his you-know-what showing. he was snoozing there, the cops come over and stand in a ring around this guy and crack up, one of them pokes the guy with his rifle and tells him to get out of the road and be drunk somewhere else. (very friendly here so it was more cordial than you would think.) and the guy wakes up for a moment and does the equivalent of telling him to piss off. the cops start nudgeing him with their boots and poking him and telling him to get up. He does not. so they pick him up and drag him over to the field. I followed.
they dump the guy in the grass and he loses it. He picks up handfuls of (I kid you not) grass and starts trying to throw them at the police, who start howling with laughter and making faces at him, sticking their tongues out, ducking, acting mock-terrified and hiding behind people, the guy, flapping all over the place, seizes a few more handfuls of grass and flings them a whole two feet before he picks up a brick, he tries to throw it, it lands on his foot and he howls in pain, then the drunk picked it up again and tried again, all he succeeded in doing was spinning like a ballerina because he forgot to let go, and flopping on the ground, asleep again.
Out camping with my mates as a teenager (getting munted in the woods). Mate pulls out a 5.56 places it against a tree, builds a mound of kindling around it. Lights it and says "run". Cue some nervous anticipation while hiding behind trees as a piece of misappropriated British army merchandise goes whizzing off to god knows were.
Mu dad driving. We where coming up on a road(im in the car BTW) and its is a four lane road going on way, and one next to it going to other way with a divider(big enough to drive through. He didnt feel like turning right to drive a bit to make a U turn. He drives straight across 4 lanes and across a divider to make a left turn.
Yup.
Also, i was working and someone asked me something stupid.
I gave her a free hot dog because she voted, she asked me
"Will this make me fat?"
Way back in my high school days, we'd have semi-regular visits from the Halton Regional Police drug squad who'd come in and do a sweep of the school for any controlled substances.
This one absolute genius decided to hide his joints in his shoe because he figured the smell of his unwashed feet would conceal the weed from the police dogs... So now he has a dog following him across the front entrance and after a few seconds it barks, letting its officer handler know it's caught a whiff of something.
Genius-mcgee turns around, pulls his leg back and tried to kick the dog.
This brilliant idea ended with the dog savaging his leg, the officers finding his stash of weed in his shoe, and additional charges for assaulting an officer along with his free ride to the hospital for stitches and a mandetory rabies shot!
The rest of us who'd seen it got to pet the cute little puppy dog afterwards!
Absolute cracker. There was one incident with friends at our version of a theme park, Adventure World. Weedy theme park which has aspirations to try and be something. Anyway, my friend decides to go down the sledding track. However, the numbnut drops his phone halfway along the track, stops the sled and gets the phone, gets back on the sled, and the guy behind him barrels into the sled at 35km/h without brakes. My friend broke his wrist, and had to have stitches for a cut to his head.
About 2 weeks later, they close the sledding ride.
Oh hahaa that reminds me of something that happened the other day. A woman was on the treadmill jogging while texting. She drops the phone and the thing flings 2 metres behind her. Unfortunately she thought she could catch it before it hit the moving platform. This caused her to trip, going into a roll, which the treadmill then spits her out, flinging her about 2 metres.
I had a classmate who lit up a blunt in the middle of class freshmen year of high school. The substitute didn't even report him, she was afraid of losing her job for letting it happen.
What's the most stupid thing I've ever seen anybody do ever?
Get in my way.
More on topic, the stupidest thing I've ever seen someone do was either when my Uncle purposefully ate this extremely large wasp he found or when I rode a recycling cart down a very, very, very steep driveway.
Years back one of my friends cousins from Canada was staying and we'd taken him to a pup which we regularly frequented.
It'd had recently taken a new owner who was desperately trying to make it into a more respectable place rather than the rock and kind of grungy place it had been in the past. Spending a lot of time redecorating. Anyway another of my friends had bought Turkish Delight back from a trip to Turkey and everyone had eaten the chunks leaving just the very fine powdery sugar.
This Canadian guy would just do whatever was asked of him and we had dared him to snort a line of the sugar off the table.
He promptly did so but at the exact same time a fairly large-ish group of 'respectable' looking people looking for a table rounded the corner and gasped loudly, I remember one saying come on Nigel we can't stay here! Then they left in a hurry.
The owner came and scowled at us but didn’t know what had happened so it was all left alone.
Then it was in the local newspaper at the weekend that cocaine was in open use at the pup and it was temporarily closed pending investigation by the police.
It turned out fine in the end though for the owner but it’s just too clean and tidy there now, it just doesn't feel right… the pubs soul has gone.
I nearly got shot during my time in the german military.
We had a field exercise with live ammunition, the goal was to storm a small village. Behind the village was a hill with targets for our MG on Truck, the targets for the rest of the platoon popped up in the village.
So.. our MG Gunner obvioulsy didn't listen to his instructions, because when the first targets left of me in the village popped up, he happily started to shoot them, bursting between me and a mate. We were 3m apart and the bullets buzzed and whined between us. I hit the dirt and I could feel the bullets flying by when he shot another target right in front of me, a really strange feeling of ripping air and angry bees.
The MG-fire stopped apruptly, I stood up a little later all shaken up and looking back, I could see the MG Gunner sprawled behind the truck in the dirt. Our Sarge, observing the exercise had punched him from the truck and broken his nose...
Exercise Day was over for me afterwards, I barely could walk home because if my wobbly legs
two that I didn't technically see, but was part of.
In S5 one of my friends thought he'd be clever and jump onto my back and start mucking about while I was talking to somebody, I react and try to slam him into the concrete pillar I know is behind me, but I misjudge the distance and almost shattered the wire-in-glass window and managed to pop it out the frame.
Then there was the time in S6 where we managed to acidenaly set of the school fire alarm, it was snowing and one of my friends chucked a snowball at me, he runs and I give chase, skidding on some water as I run through a double door. My shoulde bag catches on the edge of the door and manages to hit the alarm button (I know, we were all like WTF) we make it another 10-15 meters before the alarm goes off and we realise it was that one that got hit. Luckily the fire brigade didn't charge us and not surpisingly over the next few weeks most of the alarms developed plastic covers that you had to lift up to press the button.
I've got a knack for stupid things, unfortunately. Probably the stupidest thing I've seen someone (myself) do was to try to work on a TV. While it was plugged in. It was making a high pitched whine, but it only did it while it was turned on. This was like, 6-7 years ago, so it was a nice big 27" CRT TV. You know, with the big freaking high voltage tube in it?
So, I had the back off of it, and I had figured out that it had something to do with the circuit board in it. It seemed that whenever I flexed it in a particular direction, it stopped whining. I figured something was loose and vibrating at an insane frequency or there was some high voltage(warning sign!) arcing or something somewhere. There was a bare-metal heatsink for some component in there, with two flat black painted pieces of plastic attached to it to help stabilize it. Using only one hand, I bent the piece of plastic and it changed pitch. Using the same hand, I bent the metal piece a different direction and the pitch changed differently. Knowing that I found my culprit, I grabbed the plastic with one hand, and the metal with the other, after all, that's safe right? Plastic is an electrical insulator.
Turns out it wasn't plastic painted flat black. It was metal painted black.
The next thing I remember is my roommate standing over me asking me if I was okay or if I needed to go to the hospital. I was slumped against the dresser on the opposite side of the room (not hard, it was a dorm room, so it's only like 8-10 feet wide). My arms tingled and felt numb on up to my elbows for about 3 days after that. Apparently I jerked on the board so hard that the damn thing stopped whining afterwards though.
daedalus wrote:I've got a knack for stupid things, unfortunately. Probably the stupidest thing I've seen someone (myself) do was to try to work on a TV. While it was plugged in. It was making a high pitched whine, but it only did it while it was turned on. This was like, 6-7 years ago, so it was a nice big 27" CRT TV. You know, with the big freaking high voltage tube in it?
So, I had the back off of it, and I had figured out that it had something to do with the circuit board in it. It seemed that whenever I flexed it in a particular direction, it stopped whining. I figured something was loose and vibrating at an insane frequency or there was some high voltage(warning sign!) arcing or something somewhere. There was a bare-metal heatsink for some component in there, with two flat black painted pieces of plastic attached to it to help stabilize it. Using only one hand, I bent the piece of plastic and it changed pitch. Using the same hand, I bent the metal piece a different direction and the pitch changed differently. Knowing that I found my culprit, I grabbed the plastic with one hand, and the metal with the other, after all, that's safe right? Plastic is an electrical insulator.
Turns out it wasn't plastic painted flat black. It was metal painted black.
The next thing I remember is my roommate standing over me asking me if I was okay or if I needed to go to the hospital. I was slumped against the dresser on the opposite side of the room (not hard, it was a dorm room, so it's only like 8-10 feet wide). My arms tingled and felt numb on up to my elbows for about 3 days after that. Apparently I jerked on the board so hard that the damn thing stopped whining afterwards though.
One of my friends can come out with some really stupid things sometimes, she is fairly smart but could easily fool you at times.
Last October we were in Heathrow Airport and she said Bomb in some context or other to which everyone in the group stared at her and one of said "You can can't say that in an airport" to which she instantly replied "It's not like I said that Osama Bin Laden is a Lad"
Another time she was pouring some coke from a 2L bottle for her sister and her finger got burnt by the candle on the table, when she felt the pain her reaction was to squeeze the bottle of coke as hard as she could all over her sister.
In our school we have a balcony above what used to be the library, it's now used for assemblies. There was crash mat in it randomly, so a 4th year decided to climb the barrier and jump onto it, he missed. Not only that in our next Physics lesson we worked out that he hit the floor at around 30mph, you know so the mat wouldn't of helped if he was accurate.
In primary school my brother pencil rolled down a hill onto some stone steps and broke his nose.
Me and some of my friends were mucking around in the playground next to our church until one girl got stuck in the baby swing and we left her there for about half an hour
That's one way of looking at it. That TV got me through about another 4 years before I finally tossed it and went to a LCD. Electrocution is not something I recommend. I'd probably describe the pain second worst only to heat burns.
While training I was acting as the enemy with another guy we shall call Bivo for the moment. So anyway me and Bivo are laying down waiting for a section to walk past in pitch darkness of the night. Suddenly this guy comes out of no where, screaming "Enemy, enemy! I need help! Enemy come out f*****g now!" while waving his torch around frantically. We get out of our concealed position thinking it's serious and walk up to him asking "what the hell is wrong?" Turned out he was lost. So we helped him out, got his map and pointed out a bridge he had just walked over. It was the only bridge on the map.... He didn't make it to the end of the course.
That's one way of looking at it. That TV got me through about another 4 years before I finally tossed it and went to a LCD. Electrocution is not something I recommend. I'd probably describe the pain second worst only to heat burns.
Yea electrical fething hurts. I was helping my brother the Giant install some garage lights, in his garage, and neither of us are good at electrical, but like you with your TV, we knew we could handle it So I tell him to turn his power off for the garage, so I dont get shocked. So hes in his basement, with the window open, and Im in the garage messing around. While working the wires, I sneeze, and my gak brother thinks for whatever reason I said "OK TURN IT ON!" and so he turns the breaker back on. I was holding the wire in one hand, and screwing something back in with the other. Its a bit fuzzy but I clearly remember seeing the arc jump out of my finger into the other wires.
He said he heard a weird noise and shut it off thank god. But that fething hurt. Like no joke, it was strait, not funny, pain
The other time is when I was at School, talking to all my friends. Then I see one of my other friends dressed cosplayed as a Tau Firewarrior running around and screaming "I'm a fething Space commie, come at me Imperial scum.". I was not impressed.
In Chemistry a few months ago, we had finished "working" and were just shooting the breeze. Somehow, the conversation swung around to WWII. While discussing the fall of Germany, one of the girls spoke up:
"Um, guys... what's D-Day?"
Cue giant eyes and silent stares for a good five seconds.
Also, a girl saying in the middle of World History:
"Wait, the Titanic actually happened? But it's just a movie!" Geez, high school students can be idiots sometimes...
My dad retold a story that happened to some of the guys when he was a kid. A devious duo decided that they didn't want to go to school that day, but they didn't want to get in trouble for it. They went to the councl and aquired the plans for the water network and went and shut off the mains that lead into the school. No water -> day off! It took the school ages to figure out what was wrong.
, holding a large yet moist clump of horse faeces in his hand; which I could tell he had smeared on his T-shirt several times. I believe he was shouting in the presence of several hundred people on the Blackpool promenade in a coarse Scottish accent 'Woah, have a smell a ma horse 
!'; holding the matter in question out for passers-by. 
