This thread is for you to tell stories about situations that taught you great life lessons that you still hold onto today, and have helped shape you into you. Feel free to share the lesson you drew from the story too.

For example, when I was working two full-time jobs to pay for over-full time University I worked as a salesman at a large chain that is no longer in business. Back in those days, they paid you commission on what you sold, and on how many extended servce plans you sold. I sold appliances.

One day, we got a new boss and he was touring the store and talking to all the salespeople. He walked up to the guy across the aisle from my in the Computer section, looked at his clipboard and started dressing the dude down for having hair longer than his collar. I listened to the tirade for a few minutes, slowly getting more worried as I had hair down past my shoulders. I hadn't had a real hair cut since I started College.

Finally, after watching this other guy get bawled out for 15 minutes, the manager comes over to me. Now, I'm sweaty bullets and looking around nervously for am excuse to bolt out of line of sight. The new boss comes over, looks me up and down, glances at his clipboard and says....

"Nice work. Keep it up." Then walks along to the next person.

Lesson I learned: If you are knocking it out of the park (whatever park it is) no one is going to get in your grill. Therefore, if you want to get people out of your way, just be really, really good at what you do.

This lesson has served me well for many years and through many projects.

Do to others as they do unto you, and then feth off before the police arrive.

-Family isn't the most important thing in life. Its the only important thing.

-Steak, chocolate, queso, and violins playing Pachabel are proof of the existence of God.

-Don't change your gear until you're coming out of the bank and kick those cleats to keep the ass end down on a jump. Landing on the guy in front of you is bad.

-You know you've changed when you go from "wow that gal is hot" to "wow that gal is hot and I need to introduce her to the Boy."

 mattyrm wrote:
Do to others as they do unto you, and then feth off before the police arrive.

I thought it was "Do unto others before they have a chance to do unto you, and always carry a shovel."

 mattyrm wrote:
Do to others as they do unto you, and then feth off before the police arrive.

I lol'd - Exalted!

I have nothing specific to share, just a general thing. I've always tried to have good timekeeping (for everything, not just work. This has involved me being on time in the pub, and waiting there for up to 10 minutes before anyone else arrives. ) I'm also in early for work pretty much every morning. And, in work I always try to do everything asked of me to the best of my ability. This has resulted in getting volunteered to move to a different department when they needed an extra pair of hands, so I did. It's far more interesting than what I was doing before, and they don't want to give me back

It's also resulted in work allowing me time off to pursue a foundation degree qualification part time, and they're even paying the bill for the course.

 Frazzled wrote:
-Family isn't the most important thing in life. Its the only important thing.

-Steak, chocolate, queso, and violins playing Pachabel are proof of the existence of God.

-Don't change your gear until you're coming out of the bank and kick those cleats to keep the ass end down on a jump. Landing on the guy in front of you is bad.

-You know you've changed when you go from "wow that gal is hot" to "wow that gal is hot and I need to introduce her to the Boy."

LOL! THIS!

I'll also add this: "You are NOT responsible for other people's happiness."

 whembly wrote:

I'll also add this: "You are NOT responsible for other people's happiness."

I'll add: "But that doesn't mean you should be an ass to people just because you can".

Your attitude determines the world you get, not the other way around.

Chicks who look 18 and say they are 20 are 16.

If you aren't cheating, you are not trying.

Other countries consider soccer a sport.

Don't drink the pickle juice from the jar until you've finished eating all the pickles. It turns out that taking a pickle to the eye hurts.

Don't stick your D!<k in crazy.

When living with parents/roommates in college, always lock the door before surfing internet porn.

Don't pick up your wife at a family reunion. Southerners may ignore this, as it would leave the South barren.

Dont think with your crotch - this goes for men and women.

All women are trouble, a few are worth it.

Dont call to complain to the Armanian restaurant manager during the lunch rush, you are stupid and wasting his time.

doest thou manage an Armenian restaurant?

In a fight the only honorable outcome is victory, fight dirty.

Be courteous, be polite, but have a plant to kill everyone you meet.

Unyielding Tenacity is just as useful as the other virtues, and will carry you further.

He who works hardest and fastest before a deadline gets to slack off the most, work today, procrastinate procrastinating till tomorrow.

The people who are closest to you are the people who can damage you the most. Plan and pick the people you let close accordingly.

Bureaucracy is a little piece of hell on earth where you're condemned for bothering the gods of paperwork with silly things like "hope"

 AustonT wrote:
doest thou manage an Armenian restaurant?

Not I. I was waiting to be seated at this restaurant when the manager received the phone call. Hilarity ensued as this dude ripped the caller a new one.

MATTIS!

KISS. Keep It Simple, Stupid. Don't make stuff more complicated than it needs to be.

Don't mix quick-krete with your bare hands, feet, or other body parts.

Don't eat yellow snow. This follows the same philosophy as "don't drink the kiddy pool water".

Moderation in all things...

Except Star Wars toys...

If due to poor planning you get caught in a fight, finish it in any expedient way possible: his friends might be coming.

This law for me keeps getting more deep: "Love everyone, trust no-one".

Never, never, assume someone knows something of interest to you more than you. You would be impressed how many "experts" only know surface deep what you know after some careful research.

True "experts" are the nice people who say "I am just learning" and will give any and all advice freely: they enjoy it so much they cannot apply a price to what they know.

Extremely smart friends make you in turn smarter.

Always get the paper version of a rule book ASAP, the coffee table versions can cause a nose bleed when reading on your back.

When you feel low in self esteem and feel inadequate, look around: some nasty piece of work is doing this to you.

When painting, you can never have enough lighting.

NEVER throw out that old pingpong table, it is gaming gold.

Try green stuff sculpting: it is easier than play-dough and gets better results than you would have thought.

Be a member of a like minded forum, it is a "hive mind" that pays back huge dividends when you are stuck on something or for inspiration (thanks all!).

About it for now...

Oh, and do not put caffeine in the humming bird feeder.

No man believes he plays the role of villain.

Look out for number one.

Don't eat the worm.

Dropped food is still ok to eat as long as you pick it up in 5 sec. or less

If it happened in college it doesn't count

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Be courteous, be polite, but have a plant to kill everyone you meet.

Like a Venus fly trap, or do you mean like a chemical manufacturing facility that slowly poisons the workers?

 Seaward wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Be courteous, be polite, but have a plant to kill everyone you meet.

Like a Venus fly trap, or do you mean like a chemical manufacturing facility that slowly poisons the workers?

It's a Mattisism, or from Team Fortress(who took it from Mattis) I think it implies shaking a mans hand while figuring out how much noise he would make if you used your belt as a garote. Maybe that's just me. A wise man that Mattis.

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet."

 Seaward wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Be courteous, be polite, but have a plant to kill everyone you meet.

Like a Venus fly trap, or do you mean like a chemical manufacturing facility that slowly poisons the workers?

I line my knives with nightshade as it happens.

 AustonT wrote:
It's a Mattisism, or from Team Fortress(who took it from Mattis) I think it implies shaking a mans hand while figuring out how much noise he would make if you used your belt as a garote. Maybe that's just me. A wise man that Mattis.

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet."

Yep. I was making fun of the "plant" typo. Have a plant to kill everyone you meet.

YOU GUYS RUIN ALL MY JOKES GOD

My bad

 Ahtman wrote:
Your attitude determines the world you get, not the other way around.

I disagree, I think wealth, geography, culture, etc play important roles as well.

 AustonT wrote:

If you aren't cheating, you are not trying.

Most definitely.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
In a fight the only honorable outcome is victory, fight dirty.

Also this, and not only in physical fights.

Control your finances to avoid interest in all its forms. Avoid all forms of credit unless truly necessary, whenever possible go without and save rather than buy and pay interest later.
If you learn and abide by this simple lesson you will be able to make your money go a lot further and over time appear richer and more comfortable than many others who earn more than you.

There are always people out there with worst problem then you, but that doesn't mean yours don't matter "- Santa Claus
That even if your think you are bad with money, you can control your spending.
Always Keep your Door shut when watching Anime. Some people just don't get the jokes

 Cheesecat wrote:

 Ahtman wrote:
Your attitude determines the world you get, not the other way around.

I disagree, I think wealth, geography, culture, etc play important roles as well.

But a millionaire and a paraplegic can be equally happy with their life. Basically, it's the ability to produce synthetic happiness.

If you're applying one sentence phrases to your life you're probably looking at the situation too simply.

Never put Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme on your knob and and bollocks.

My patient mind is chased away
By those that speak, yet nothing say
(In other words, don't be a chatterbox when someone is trying to concentrate)

It's not a crime unless you get caught.

Denial is the essence of faith.

Money is the most powerful force in the world.

They say the love of money is the root of all evil. They also said something about a magic garden, an enchanted tree and a talking snake.

Don't feel bad about not giving to charities. You'll always have the needy, you won't always have your money.

Manners and traditions are important, but they don't put food on the table.

If God really wanted you to worship him, he wouldn't have created money.

Some people say money doesn't buy happiness. Some people have also never known poverty.

You're only greedy if you're rich. If you're poor, you're being economic.

If someone offers to pick up the check, don't argue, say thank you.

If you offer someone money and they say no, take the money back, don't fight for them to take your money.

If you need to travel with two laptops always allow another hour for security inspection.

#YOLO

In seriousness, if you want to do something, just do it. Take that chance and do whatever strikes your fancy, no matter how ridiculous it is, or what people will think of you. If you want to dress up in bondage gear and walk around town, just do it. What's the worst that can happen? That cute girl who delivers your paper? Shoot the breeze with her. What's the worst that can happen.

Life's too short to live your life worrying about what might happen, or what people will think of you. I know I've missed out on a lot because I thought it wasn't socially acceptable, or that it was unbecoming of my personal expectations of myself. As a child, I resigned myself to purposely not socializing with people who were successful in things, or people who made themselves significant in any way. I still do it. As a result, my expectations of myself are very low, because I hung out with slackers and other do-nothings.

Obviously, don't put yourself in financial jeopardy, or any other sort of serious jeopardy.

No matter what life throws at you over the course of your life, you need to be prepared for that one period of time where everything will remorselessly come at you at once.

Only death is certain.

QFT:

"Both thorn and thistles it should bring forth, for us. For out of the ground we were taken for the dust we are, and to the dust we shall return." Eli, Book of Eli.

Always gak on company time.

Things are never as bad as you think. Things are never as good as you think.

 DemetriDominov wrote:
Only death is certain.

For death to be certain, then life must also be certain. Life gives death meaning. Without life, there can be no death.

Oh I got one
I am not who I think I am, I am not who you think I am, I am who I think you think I am

Never trust a severed head you dug up in the desert who tries to be your friend.

So, no one wants to share stories on how they learned these lessons? I wonder if any of these lessons have actually been learned, or are just parroting what someone else told them was truth?

 Easy E wrote:
So, no one wants to share stories on how they learned these lessons?

No, I'd rather not. If you really want to read about it, just become a DCM, I've repeated myself enough.

 Coolyo294 wrote:
Never put Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme on your knob and and bollocks.

You read the comments too?
OT: Don't get bitter, get better.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bs.

If at first you don't succeed, cry some me

NEVER volunteer information to a cop - see if they ask you first. I actually had to teach this to someone older than me a few months ago (and I'm no spring chicken).

Washes hide a multitude of sins - my miniature painting motto for at least 20 years.

When you are hungry, eat.
When you are tired, sleep.

-Family isn't the most important thing in life. Its the only important thing.
***Learned from my travails in the Great Game of Life and the examples that were my parents.
-Steak, chocolate, queso, and violins playing Pachabel are proof of the existence of God.
***These are self evident.
-Don't change your gear until you're coming out of the bank and kick those cleats to keep the ass end down on a jump. Landing on the guy in front of you is bad.
***Motorcycle racing as a youngin.
-You know you've changed when you go from "wow that gal is hot" to "wow that gal is hot and I need to introduce her to the Boy."
***Last year. Reinforced this year at the park when walking the dogs on Saturday morning. They had some sort of sand volleyball meet with lots of high school ladies he needed to meet.

If you live a life of make-believe, your life isn't worth anything until you do something that does challenge your reality. And to me, sailing the open ocean is a real challenge, because it's life or death.

If the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

Everyone, even your enemies, can be used to your advantage, if you are creative. Remember this.
That one's from high school politics.

Be yourself in all things. Do not be afraid of what you do, or of showing that to someone else. If they're worth talking to, they really won't mind. Similarly, don't take questions as hostility; they might just be a little interested.
That's from a good friend of mine, learnt from observation and reflection rather than outright advice.

Everyone has a flaw.
Experience.

You can grow anything in the garden of your mind.

 AustonT wrote:
You can grow anything in the garden of your mind.

But be careful of the weeds, they are horrendous.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Where I learned my lessons
There are always people out there with worst problem then you, but that doesn't mean yours don't matter "- Santa Claus
****Reba
That even if your think you are bad with money, you can control your spending.
******By Makeing it from july and october with only 400$, and still being able to get models and play at 40k night, and spend 80$ on food at school a month
Always Keep your Door shut when watching Anime. Some people just don't get the jokes
******I was watching Evangalion, My mom thought it was porn.

Just have a good time, all the time, because you aren't here for a LONG time.

Simple. That's how I try to roll. It's a work-in-progress.

Since we seem to be clarifying:

 dogma wrote:

 AustonT wrote:

If you aren't cheating, you are not trying.

Most definitely.

General life experience, but I first learned this playing football. The phrase was "Its only a penalty if it gets called." which of course lead to many instance of my hand "slipping" into the throat of the opposing lineman. After all, its hard to block if you can't breathe. This principle, over time, turned into a favorite axiom of mine "Cheating is only bad if you're bad at cheating."

 dogma wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
In a fight the only honorable outcome is victory, fight dirty.

Also this, and not only in physical fights.

Always have a backup copy of your uni timetable

And just because it says a class is iun a certain room doesn't always make it so

 AustonT wrote:
Chicks who look 18 and say they are 20 are 16.

This.

Dont think with your crotch - this goes for men and women.

This too. More importantly, think with your head, not your heart, that can get you in as much trouble as thinking with your crotch.

I've also learned this (which also explains how I learned the above lessons): If you love somebody, set her free, if she comes back to you, then its true, if she suddenly leaves you again for a woman that she just met and barely knows claiming that she just realized that she is a lesbian and she is so disappointed because she was so happy with you and felt so strongly for you, and gives you absolutely no opportunity to try to figure out how its possible that she really is a lesbian and she really was so happy with you and felt so strongly for you, then there is a good chance that she has a personality disorder, but don't try telling her that (even though she herself may have suggested it a couple months earlier) and asking if you can speak to her therapist, because then you're the bad guy.

Don't stick your dick in crazy.

There's a girl I know that's cute as hell and stacked, but gets incredibly mean/ugly when she drinks. It's worse when it's jagermeister (spelling?). She also takes bipolar medication, but tends to not take them during the week so she can triple dose on the weekends while she drinks heavily.

She's currently out on bail after trying to set fire to her most recent exboyfriend's home with him, his baby, and his baby mama inside. I have a few other stories about her, but I'll refrain to keep this PG13.

No chick, no matter how hot, is worth that.

That indian curry may have been nice but be prepared to suffer the next day
***To many indian take aways in my life have my backside the next day. Or just inflicted a severe case of the runs.

Always have a plan. You will rarely follow it but its a good basis.
***Life

If someone threatens a member of your family threaten them back. If they inflict a severe threat then take action.
***Chavs made a mistake in threatening my little brother

Some people are to stupid to live.
***3 chavs averaging 10-11 years old and about 4ft-4ft10" threatened to tourture my little brother. Whilst he was walking between myself(6ft+ skinny but wiry) and my friend(5ft 8"-10" built like a gorilla). whilst we were both carrying our work knives. And in the full knoledge that all 3 of us hated them and both myself and my friend know how to kill with our bare hands. They have yet to make that mistake again.

Dont say you are good at something when you are not.
***Seen to many people say stuff like this to real experts and subsequently be cut down to size.

Parents Tutors Teachers etc all have plans for you and ideas how you should run your life. Feth them.
***Life

Be yourself. Beieve what you believe.
***Life

Never let any members of your family see the naked girls/poledancers you have painted as crew art on your vehicles.
***Bitter and embarrasing experience.

Never discuss matters of a sexual nature with your girlfriend/lover/mistress/dominatrix when theres a chance of your family hearing. This does include what sex/bondage/fetish toys/wear to buy.
***my mother over heard a conversation with my now (sadly)ex girlfriend about what corset she should bye.......

Religious fanatics are an extremely viable threat. Especialy christian ones.
***I used to have a dad. Thank you christian feth wipes.

Never offend a witch. Especialy when shes your ex.
***Least said the better.

Never let others impose there religion on you.
***When i was in beavers it was run by 2 religious fanatics who dominated the other staff. The biggest shock i gave them was standing up in the middle of church on sunday and saying "i dont believe in god". My time at beavers was subsuquently made hell and i was told i must "repent and find the light". I subsuquently gave my main bully a black eye and knocked him clean out. I am a Wiccan/Chaosist FYI.

In a relationship there is one who loves more. In a breakup there is one who hurts more.
***Bitter experience

Others may say they know what is best for you but they rarely do. Its best to let you find out for yourself most times.
***My ex and i where perfect. Her friends didnt think so. For 3 months they told her this. continously. behind my back.

Have a code of honour. Stick to it but not to rigedly
***Experience

 kronk wrote:
Don't stick your dick in crazy.

There's a girl I know that's cute as hell and stacked, but gets incredibly mean/ugly when she drinks. It's worse when it's jagermeister (spelling?). She also takes bipolar medication, but tends to not take them during the week so she can triple dose on the weekends while she drinks heavily.
.

Isnt the Cardinal rule of any medication is to not drink when taking it?

Cardinal and this girl didn't often collide in the same sentence unless you include the word sin...

1. Your the only sane and safe person on the road regardless of what your doing.
2. There is no "Time Out" in a firefight.
3. Being respectful to others will take you a long way.

chaos0xomega wrote:

 AustonT wrote:
Chicks who look 18 and say they are 20 are 16.

This.

Dont think with your crotch - this goes for men and women.

This too. More importantly, think with your head, not your heart, that can get you in as much trouble as thinking with your crotch.

I've also learned this (which also explains how I learned the above lessons): If you love somebody, set her free, if she comes back to you, then its true, if she suddenly leaves you again for a woman that she just met and barely knows claiming that she just realized that she is a lesbian and she is so disappointed because she was so happy with you and felt so strongly for you, and gives you absolutely no opportunity to try to figure out how its possible that she really is a lesbian and she really was so happy with you and felt so strongly for you, then there is a good chance that she has a personality disorder, but don't try telling her that (even though she herself may have suggested it a couple months earlier) and asking if you can speak to her therapist, because then you're the bad guy.

Is it okay to ask if you can watch?

 liquidjoshi wrote:
Everyone, even your enemies, can be used to your advantage, if you are creative. Remember this.
That one's from high school politics.

I LOLed

I've learned the following from my short stay in life thus far:

1: People are incredibly stupid and ignorant. You still have to listen and consider what is said though. Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.
2: Everything is painfully simple. The only times things are "complicated' is when someone is lying or you don't know enough. It is usually a combination of both.
3: Be decent to everyone. You never know when the town drunk/idiot will be your only chance to solve a problem.
4: ???
5: Profit.
6: There is a fine line between assertive and aggressive.
7: Never take anyone on their word, the common person has few qualms about telling half-truths, lying or misdirecting you. If you must, do so with extreme caution and redundant backup plans for various situations that may arise.
8: Tact is your greatest weapon/quality/strength. If you have everything but lack tact, you'll quickly have nothing save a canoe and a very smelly creek.
9: Worry about you own problems.
10: Always know where your towel is.

EDIT: 11: Recognize when you are being manipulated. If you don't, you'll simply be some idiot's pawn.

This was an important one the first time I ever got shot at. It was coyote hunting in the Sonoran desert, long story short, found the wrong kind of coyote and had to leg it. The lesson is:

Incoming fire has the right of way.

 master of ordinance wrote:

Parents Tutors Teachers etc all have plans for you and ideas how you should run your life. Feth them.
***Life

I agree with this, and will add: Learn how to tell someone to feth off.

Have a 5 post limit on any thread in off topic that has anything at all to do with politics and/or religion (i.e 99% of them).

 kronk wrote:
Don't stick your dick in crazy.

There's a girl I know that's cute as hell and stacked, but gets incredibly mean/ugly when she drinks. It's worse when it's jagermeister (spelling?). She also takes bipolar medication, but tends to not take them during the week so she can triple dose on the weekends while she drinks heavily.

She's currently out on bail after trying to set fire to her most recent exboyfriend's home with him, his baby, and his baby mama inside. I have a few other stories about her, but I'll refrain to keep this PG13.

No chick, no matter how hot, is worth that.

Sounds like a charming woman...

Heh. As I say, don't stick your ___ in crazy. I certainly wouldn't.

 kronk wrote:
Heh. As I say, don't stick your ___ in crazy. I certainly wouldn't.

I've already shoved my fingers in crazy when my ears were itchy or I had to pick some food out of the corner of my mouth because it got stuck there or when I wanted to see how it felt in my backsi- well, you get the general idea: I'm crazy.

Be a good person, and what I mean by that is; if you see some guy getting bullied/beaten up, you go over there and kick the living crap out of the people doing it. Or giving a homeless person a dollar and trying really hard not to think what they're going to do with it later. Helping an elderly person cross the road, or letting them have your seat on the bus. Jumping in to one of your friends fights. You know, stuff like that.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 master of ordinance wrote:
That indian curry may have been nice but be prepared to suffer the next day
***To many indian take aways in my life have my backside the next day. Or just inflicted a severe case of the runs.

Always have a plan. You will rarely follow it but its a good basis.
***Life

If someone threatens a member of your family threaten them back. If they inflict a severe threat then take action.
***Chavs made a mistake in threatening my little brother

Some people are to stupid to live.
***3 chavs averaging 10-11 years old and about 4ft-4ft10" threatened to tourture my little brother. Whilst he was walking between myself(6ft+ skinny but wiry) and my friend(5ft 8"-10" built like a gorilla). whilst we were both carrying our work knives. And in the full knoledge that all 3 of us hated them and both myself and my friend know how to kill with our bare hands. They have yet to make that mistake again.

Dont say you are good at something when you are not.
***Seen to many people say stuff like this to real experts and subsequently be cut down to size.

Parents Tutors Teachers etc all have plans for you and ideas how you should run your life. Feth them.
***Life

Be yourself. Beieve what you believe.
***Life

Never let any members of your family see the naked girls/poledancers you have painted as crew art on your vehicles.
***Bitter and embarrasing experience.

Never discuss matters of a sexual nature with your girlfriend/lover/mistress/dominatrix when theres a chance of your family hearing. This does include what sex/bondage/fetish toys/wear to buy.
***my mother over heard a conversation with my now (sadly)ex girlfriend about what corset she should bye.......

Religious fanatics are an extremely viable threat. Especialy christian ones.
***I used to have a dad. Thank you christian feth wipes.

Never offend a witch. Especialy when shes your ex.
***Least said the better.

Never let others impose there religion on you.
***When i was in beavers it was run by 2 religious fanatics who dominated the other staff. The biggest shock i gave them was standing up in the middle of church on sunday and saying "i dont believe in god". My time at beavers was subsuquently made hell and i was told i must "repent and find the light". I subsuquently gave my main bully a black eye and knocked him clean out. I am a Wiccan/Chaosist FYI.

In a relationship there is one who loves more. In a breakup there is one who hurts more.
***Bitter experience

Others may say they know what is best for you but they rarely do. Its best to let you find out for yourself most times.
***My ex and i where perfect. Her friends didnt think so. For 3 months they told her this. continously. behind my back.

Have a code of honour. Stick to it but not to rigedly
***Experience

I like you!

Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

Well this thread has gone downhill all it's just a bunch of people posting overly cliched posts.

 Albatross wrote:
Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

He sounds rude to me. Seriously, who goes to church and then stands up in the middle of service to say they don't believe in God?

 Coolyo294 wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

He sounds rude to me. Seriously, who goes to church and then stands up in the middle of service to say they don't believe in God?

The real question is 'who fantasises about that?'

Food is often a substitute for sleep.
A shower is often a substitute for sleep.
Food is never a substitute for a shower!

Always take up a good opportunity that life gives you.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at old people.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
When life gives you lemons, throw them at old people.

When life gives you lemons, use them to burn down someone's house.

When life gives you lemons, make orangeade, realise it gave you the wrong citrus fruit, fall into a spiralling depression because of it and ultimately end it all by jumping off a tall building, lobbing your useless lemons at people below as you fall.

 Coolyo294 wrote:
When life gives you lemons, use them to burn down someone's house.

Cave, you so crazy.

When life gives you lemons, add salt and tequila.

If you're skating on thin ice, you may as well tap-dance.

When life gives you lemons, thank it profusely for the free stuff and then sell them to someone else.

Great Life Lessons You Have Learned...

Money is toilet paper.
Religion is BS.
Fame is worthless.

You don't need a parachute to skydive, only to skydive twice.

Guys, we missed the golden rule.

Haters gonna' hate.

KalashnikovMarine wrote:This was an important one the first time I ever got shot at. It was coyote hunting in the Sonoran desert, long story short, found the wrong kind of coyote and had to leg it. The lesson is:

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Love this one!

Albatross wrote:Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

I loved my dad. He was the world to me. Unfourtunately he sufferd from post traumatic stress and during a dig(he was a paliontologist) he took a piece of slate through his hand which severd his tendon. Whilst he was recovering an christian fanatic who was also in hospital managed to catch him severly weakened and with his guard down. Long story short the bastards stole my dad from me. The only experiences i have had with this religion have been bad.

I am not a fanatic i just have no reason to love or even accept but plenty to hate

Coolyo294 wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

He sounds rude to me. Seriously, who goes to church and then stands up in the middle of service to say they don't believe in God?

For your information i was about 7-8 and had essentially been told "go to church and believe in god or we will make your life a liveing crapfest". At this point i hadnt realised that i could just leave and they did there best to make me think leaving was unimaginable.

Albatross wrote:

 Coolyo294 wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

He sounds rude to me. Seriously, who goes to church and then stands up in the middle of service to say they don't believe in God?

The real question is 'who fantasises about that?'

Invetably someone will.

Poppabear wrote:Be a good person, and what I mean by that is; if you see some guy getting bullied/beaten up, you go over there and kick the living crap out of the people doing it. Or giving a homeless person a dollar and trying really hard not to think what they're going to do with it later. Helping an elderly person cross the road, or letting them have your seat on the bus. Jumping in to one of your friends fights. You know, stuff like that.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 master of ordinance wrote:
That indian curry may have been nice but be prepared to suffer the next day
***To many indian take aways in my life have my backside the next day. Or just inflicted a severe case of the runs.

Always have a plan. You will rarely follow it but its a good basis.
***Life

If someone threatens a member of your family threaten them back. If they inflict a severe threat then take action.
***Chavs made a mistake in threatening my little brother

Some people are to stupid to live.
***3 chavs averaging 10-11 years old and about 4ft-4ft10" threatened to tourture my little brother. Whilst he was walking between myself(6ft+ skinny but wiry) and my friend(5ft 8"-10" built like a gorilla). whilst we were both carrying our work knives. And in the full knoledge that all 3 of us hated them and both myself and my friend know how to kill with our bare hands. They have yet to make that mistake again.

Dont say you are good at something when you are not.
***Seen to many people say stuff like this to real experts and subsequently be cut down to size.

Parents Tutors Teachers etc all have plans for you and ideas how you should run your life. Feth them.
***Life

Be yourself. Beieve what you believe.
***Life

Never let any members of your family see the naked girls/poledancers you have painted as crew art on your vehicles.
***Bitter and embarrasing experience.

Never discuss matters of a sexual nature with your girlfriend/lover/mistress/dominatrix when theres a chance of your family hearing. This does include what sex/bondage/fetish toys/wear to buy.
***my mother over heard a conversation with my now (sadly)ex girlfriend about what corset she should bye.......

Religious fanatics are an extremely viable threat. Especialy christian ones.
***I used to have a dad. Thank you christian feth wipes.

Never offend a witch. Especialy when shes your ex.
***Least said the better.

Never let others impose there religion on you.
***When i was in beavers it was run by 2 religious fanatics who dominated the other staff. The biggest shock i gave them was standing up in the middle of church on sunday and saying "i dont believe in god". My time at beavers was subsuquently made hell and i was told i must "repent and find the light". I subsuquently gave my main bully a black eye and knocked him clean out. I am a Wiccan/Chaosist FYI.

In a relationship there is one who loves more. In a breakup there is one who hurts more.
***Bitter experience

Others may say they know what is best for you but they rarely do. Its best to let you find out for yourself most times.
***My ex and i where perfect. Her friends didnt think so. For 3 months they told her this. continously. behind my back.

Have a code of honour. Stick to it but not to rigedly
***Experience

I like you!

Thanks

Also some more:

Be prepared to stand and fight for what you believe in and for your friends
***Life and bitter experience

Know when to retreat. It could save your life and in the long run win you the fight.
***School

Be prepared
***Basic knoledge but its amazing how many people try climbing mountains and hills in high heels and mini skirts.

Always buy the best, most fool-proof item available to you, or you'll regret it.

 master of ordinance wrote:
I used to have a dad. Thank you christian feth wipes.

Blanket statements for the win, right? [/sarcasm]
I'm not about to defend what happened with your dad; evidently it was completely and utterly wrong. But blaming the entire Christian faith is a great way to offend people. We're not all fanatics, and most of us never even knew your dad. Once again, I am not defending what happened. You have my deepest sympathies in that regard. But as a Christian, I resent that statement that we're all "Feth wipes".

 master of ordinance wrote:

Albatross wrote:Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

I loved my dad. He was the world to me. Unfourtunately he sufferd from post traumatic stress and during a dig(he was a paliontologist) he took a piece of slate through his hand which severd his tendon. Whilst he was recovering an christian fanatic who was also in hospital managed to catch him severly weakened and with his guard down. Long story short the bastards stole my dad from me. The only experiences i have had with this religion have been bad.

I am not a fanatic i just have no reason to love or even accept but plenty to hate

What the... I don't...

I didn't say you sounded like a fanatic. I said you sounded like a fantasist. You made some fairly outlandish claims, like being able to kill people with your bare hands and what-have-you. It's no big deal, though - you sound about 15. Teenage boys of a certain type engage in that sort of thing as a matter of course.

 liquidjoshi wrote:

 master of ordinance wrote:
I used to have a dad. Thank you christian feth wipes.

Blanket statements for the win, right? [/sarcasm]
I'm not about to defend what happened with your dad; evidently it was completely and utterly wrong. But blaming the entire Christian faith is a great way to offend people. We're not all fanatics, and most of us never even knew your dad. Once again, I am not defending what happened. You have my deepest sympathies in that regard. But as a Christian, I resent that statement that we're all "Feth wipes".

I dunno if he meant every Christian in general, I read it as "thank you Christian fethwipes (as in, the Christian fethwipes that killed his dad)".

Since we are talking about church... kind of... I recall a time I was dating a girl and it was really important to her to go to a Catholic Mass every so often, so we did. The Priest was up their reading his sermon and read the following lines...

"Jesus went to (Someplace) and taught the people how to love and respect God. In return ... they tried to kill him."

For some reason, I found his delivery perfectly comical timed and I broke out laughing. No one else in church seemed to find it funny, OR I was the only one listening.

I don;t really have a learned lesson from this one, except maybe comic delivery isn;t always suppose to be funny?

 Cheesecat wrote:
Well this thread has gone downhill all it's just a bunch of people posting overly cliched posts.

Most of life's lessons are really boring.
Before you sit up, open your eyes so you don't fall down when you get up.
I know the different barks and growls Rusty the Tank makes, ranging from: squirrel and the old wiener dog is touching me ichy! to WTH WAS THAT!!!
I can drive a stick shift in only 4th gear in stop and go traffic, and what to do if the gear shift comes off in your hands.

Everyone a product of their environment. SO basically three castes of people. Lead, Follow, or Get the Hell Out My Way. Which are you?

''All be cause you can't do it know , doesn't mean you will never be able to do it''

&

''If one man has done it, then it possiable for all men to do!''