So the way this works is similar the the vending machine thread, you say what you do in the store, then the next person responds with how the employees react.

I.e.
(First poster)
I bring in a "Converted" force of space marines, converted from what you ask? Fantasy lizardmen with ultramarine decals.

(responder) They insist you bring a fantasy rulebook with you whenever you play.

Ok so lets get started

I run into the store and begin doing squats. (the exercise)

I insist that our store's policy prevents any exercise of any kind, mental or physical, to be performed and that I ask that you either buy a Space Marine strikeforce or go away.

I grind off all of the Chaos markings/motiffs off a Chaos army, paint them as Ultramarines but insist on using the CSM codex.

They insist you buy a defiler and paint it blue too.

I ask to see a copy of White Dwarf.

They show you a copy of white dwarf from the 80s [didn't say what type of WD]

I say god is dead.

They show you the Imperial Knight and say you are wrong.

I come in with a full Dreamforge army, which I naturally say are MTS.

They insist that you buy a Cadian defense force and a box of Chaos Warriors to bolster your army.

I bring in 40k models but play with Infinity rules with an opponent that has agreed to do the same. If asked, I will fervently insist that it's 2nd edition even if a veteran corrects me.

The employees, unable to correctly remember 2nd ed rules, flip through whatever codexes they have on hand to find any rules in common.

I bring in an IG force, each guardsman is actually a filed-down space marine carved into a guardsman.

They thank you for going above the call of duty in giving them more money [space marines costs more than AM equivalents]

I say GOD IS DEAD!!! [again]

The employee starts asking about what I am playing what army. And starts trying to get me to play the flavor of the month.
I spend wasting his time by talking about all my projects involving non GW miniatures, Tell him I have all the original metal versions of the finecast line so I don't need any of those new ones. I buy my paint and glue from other stores.
Continue to tell him how I got started and how I got some old miniatures from the rogue trader days and stuff he clearly does not know how to respond too. Pull a "I was painting and converting before you ever learned to pick up a hobby knife.
Berate the Taurox for its ugly little tracks All while picking several kits from the shelves. Dump the stack of boxes on the counter. I wander back into the store asking him more questions about the old GW miniatures and if they are going to bring back the Imperial guard Beastmen, the female space marines and the Squats.
Than just leave the store without buying anyhing

That post just made my day
The employees would hunt you down and shove in your face the oldest miniatures in the store and try and make you buy them.

I stab the computer with a hobby knife, flip over all of the hobby tables, insult a little kid to make him cry and then insist on buying everything in British pounds even when I am in Australia.

They happily take your money, quietly taking you to the side to ask you to try to limit your Khornite episodes. They pay not attention to the computer, when asked about it they admit it doesn't actually do anything anyway.




Proxy deathstrike missile launchers with chimeras with primer cans on them. When fired the end of the can is punctured and whatever the can runs into as it zooms around the store is counted as killed by a SD weapon.

They berate you for using non-GW primers, and offer you several deathstrike missile kits to "play the right way, not just whatever seems fun"

I construct an army of crude eldar from bits of GW sprew, and field them.

They suggest you enter your Khorne Chaos army in Golden Demon.

I bring in Mat Ward's head on a stick.

They bow and worship the head, while the newbie employee tries to phone the police for murder because he just doesn't understand.

I bring in a diorama of Slaanesh demons making love to captured Sisters of Battle and ask to run a cinematic game where the Ultramarines are trying to rescue the Sisters from almost certain peril.

The clerk agrees and praises you for 'forging a narrative'

I bring in 120 guardsmen to play count-as Kroot.

I bring nothing but Crisis suits with flamers.

I walk in and ask for a game.

They recommend that you buy a box of Vespids, a Riptide and an Empire Pistoliers box to finish your army.

I always lurk around, whether it be inside or out, the store. Whenever a little Timmy is about to buy something I jump in and tell him how much cheaper things are on Ebay. I also start screaming that the 6th Edition rulebook is obsolete.

I tell you that you should buy several new battle forces for when seventh edition lands, to make sure you have your favourite models to play with.

I ask the best way to paint ultramarines power armour.

You're dragged into the mystical back room and never seen again.

I actually buy one of the flamer paint sprayers.

I laugh hysterically until I realise you're serious, and then happily take your money before your sanity sets in.

I pick up another customers model without asking and with greasy pizza fingers

They applaud you for your generous, disease filled offering to papa Nurgle.

I tell them I want to play a game of Black Tide vs Green Tide to reenact Armageddon. And tell them that every model will need a name and I need their help.

I bring out some Citadel FineNapkins and demand that the players pay $20 each for them. The FineNapkins are covered in holes and tear easily.

I bring in a ton of Warmachine Khador models and use them as a Space Marine army.

I start to question everything, there isn't any other model manufacturers is there?Is there!? IS THERE!?

I refuse to buy a digital codex, no matter 'how cool' it is

You also disappear to the mystical back room.

I buy a Citadel Finenapkin.

I enthusiastically show you a Citadel finenapkin sewing set that fixes the 'slight' imperfections. Just $18.95!

I ask about Sisters of Battle models

I inform you that Games Workshop hobby centers no longer carries the models. However, I offer a box of Space Marines and some green stuff so that you can convert your own.

I spill the entire paint rack. The stain on the rug dries almost instantly.

I politely tell you that GW has a strict 'you spill it, you buy it at triple price' policy and then lock the door

I ask what is the best base colour for Tau

I got into a long ramble about painting miniatures and saddle you with about 13 different paints. One of which is a highlight color.

I walk inside with an army composed entirely out of molded chocolate Space Marines painted to look like badly painted Ultramarines. When a mini dies I eat it.

I applaud you for forging a narrative.

I walk in during a tournament with an army with only two colours. (Remember GW still has rules for tournaments? Yep.)

I try to sell you paints, brush, the Citadel Workstation and Citadel Water. Before you actually get the water you must roll a D6 to see what kind you get.

I bring in an army with the three color minimum. However, the paintjob consists only of a stripped band of red, white and blue painted horizontally across each model.

I applaud you for forging a narrative. The phrase has now lost all meaning.

I walk in and ask how to correctly forge a narrative.

I sell you the limited edition GW super 100 How To Forge A Narrative digital book for $49.00! I also will mention the new GW and Apple combined Ipad, otherwise known as Imperialpad, for said E-book.

I tell you about my narrative in the medium of dance

I assume you're trying to distract me while your friend pickpockets stuff to ebay and immediately tackle him.

I stand by the door giving away free Mantic sprues to people and telling them that their stuff is a quarter of the price of GW minis and compatible with their games.

They quit working for GW and start working for Mantic. Hmm, that actually sounds a bit like history repeating itself.

I ask what the rules are for the Holy Hand Grenade in the current Black Templar Codex, and tell them I plan on buying a full army today, if they can show me valid rules for it. If they can't, I'm taking my money elsewhere.

The employee walks into another room, writes up new rules for it, and tries to sell it to you for a ludicrous price.

I bring my army several times into the store, seeing how many bits from other companies I can use before they notice anything.

I try to sell you several Space Marine kits saying "This comes with tons of bits! I'm sure you'll enjoy it!" while wearing a slightly crazy look on my face...


I walking with an entire scratch built tankguard army, and brag about how I saved over $1000 on my force

I assure the rest of my customers that buying regular kits is a much, much quicker way to put together an army.

I bring in an Imperial Guard army that basically consists of army men glued to PP bases.

I grab a fistful of basing kits as well as a few Baneblade models and a Reaver Titan and force you to buy them.

I use ketchup from my cheeseburger to paint by BA army

I offer you a box of Citadel FineNapkins to clean your models along with a Citadel FineNapkins repair kit. All together around $100 plus California Revenue Tax plus VAT. Cause we can do whatever shady pricing practices we want to Australians.

I walk into the Games Workshop shop, dump around 20 6 year olds and leave them there while I go fondle clothing I mean shop.

I sell them all a supply of finenapkins, all to your credit card!

I bring in an ultra marines army, it appears to be painted near pefectly from head on, but when youturn it becomes clear I have stolen empy boxes from the stores trash. cut out the pictures and stuck them on bases.

((Also, is my store the only one with massive piles of boxes in the trash? a lot of people buy stuff then start assembling it right in the store))

((Hey, when you are waiting for a game it can be fun to assemble gak. I do that myself))

I sigh in resignation as your models are all made out of 100% Games Workshop parts. However, I also say that you could use a Vampire Counts battalion box for your army.


I go into the store, buy up all of their stock and pay with large jars filled with pennies.

I thank you kindly for purchasing Games Workshop products and attempt to kill you with my mind.

I go into the store and start rearranging all the fantasy and 40k stock together randomly.

I shrug "It was going to happen eventually. We will be able to sell to EVERYONE! this way"

I return my Citadel finenapkin as it is badly damaged.

Goddamit ninja'd. Hold on.

As store owner, I take it back. No refunds. I superglue it back together, before flogging it on Ebay as "Slightly used".

I go into the store, looking for a game in progress. When one starts, I jump on the table, stomping around yelling "APOCALYPTIC BARRAGE MUTHAFETHER!"

The Store Owner thanks you for this cinematic representation of an Apocalyptic Barrage, and tells you this fits perfectly in the casual community here.

I go into the store with my newly painted Iron Warriors, and demand the surrender of the store owner to me, while claiming I'll destroy the puny bunker everyone is residing in if I don't get what I want.

I thank you for forging a narrative between the store and your army, before throwing an entire Hive fleet's worth of Tyranids at your army. Everyone on Earth drowns in plastic gribblies.

I walk into the store dressed as a Halo Spartan, and demand to fight Marneus "Pimpfistin" Calgar.

I tell you that Calgar is our lord and saviour and would destroy any spartan, even 117. I then proceed to hit myself in the face as punishment for not bigging up the half dead emperor.

I drop into the store through the roof dressed as a ninja and proceed to have a 1500pt battle with 'Nids against my katana.

I thank you for forging a narrative between both the roof and the rest of the store, as well as between the 'nids and your katana. I then proceed to rip off my black shirt, smear the mark of khorne in Mechrite red onto my bare chest while screaming "RULES OF NATURE!". I then kick you out of the store.

I walk in with my Tau.

The Store Manager spots all those Riptides, and thanks you for theming your army.

I walk in, and start talking about my plans of creating some Mordheim warbands.

I show you a 40k rulebook and with a twinkle of love, begin explaining how one of these, along with a SM battleforce will give you a much more balanced and better game.

I break down in teas after my Riptide is destroyed by cultists in close combat.

The Store Manager walks up to you, and praises you for playing so IC!

I buy a SM Battleforce and some Dark Angel Veterans for my army, and explain every little detail of my army's fluff, before reaching for a knife, and asking him a whispered question: Has he ever... Fallen?

As the store manager, I thank you for forging a narrative between the knife and my abdomen, explaining that I have, indeed, fallen. I then bleed out on the floor.

I bleed out in the store. It's a one man store. I'm the manager.

I brig in my tau army featuring three riptides, when asked if my army has a theme I loudly proclaim it as "winning". Then I ask for a casual games where use the dirtiest tricks in the book.

I kick you out of my store, while still bleeding out.

I still lie on the floor, wondering if any of these sweaty, sweaty neckbeards are going to call an ambulance.

Due to the neckbeard's degraded sense of smell and taste, they decide that it would be better to eat you. They then string your body up on a banner and hoist it up outside the store claiming that 'They were forging a narrative."

I walk in and ask for a bottle of Flesh Wash.

I take a GW hobby knife and proceed to scrape flesh off the corpse hanging from the ceiling, mix the flesh with GW water (It's the best kind) and hand over the new wash "Blood for the blood god"

I question the cruelty of the store

Customer support receives your question and sends you a generic email.

I sit down at a table,put my stuff down and start selling everything at a slightly lower price than it's available in the store.

(on an unrelated note,this got dark really fast)

(Well don't forget, in the GRIMDARKness of the far future, there is only war and dakka dakka)

After you sell everything off I insist that you buy everything you sold so you can replenish your stock.

I walk in and ask if anyone plays sisters of battle.

(Buying back stock made me laugh!)

I shake my head in sadness. "If people did, think of all the metal, over priced models we'd sell"

I walk in with a SM army converted to have all models look female.

I thank you for forging a narrative between Space Marines and females, before banning you from the store for being "unfluffy" with your army.

I open the store for the day.

You fall short on your profit margin by 50 pence, you are stripped of your clothes and fired.

I walk in and don't intend to spend any money.

I hound you not only through the entire store to buy three boxes of Eldar and a Tomb Kings Battalion box. I keep following you down the block.


I walk inside with an entire group of friends and all start playing MTG.

I tell you that just a day in GW terms means open at 12, close 5.30 and then and that doesn't include the hour break at 3.

I walk in wanting to buy some Calgar blue

I walk in, beat down the clerk that replaced me, before selling you that Calgar blue.

I invite in the Swarmlord, and attempt to wrestle it down.

The Swarmlord starts eating all the models.


I come in and challenge the owner to a Kunai duel. If I win he start's offering a major discount on everything, if he wins I'll buy a full SPESS MEHRINE chapter.

He drops a neckbeard on you then stabs you in the back, You are forced to buy the Astartes Ultra, assemble it and paint it before next week or he'll drop another one you.

I ask advice on starting a Bretonnian army.

I laugh as I hand you a Cadian Defence Force. I then tell you to forge a narrative between the two armies.

I ban the name "Imperial Guard" from the store.

That's fine. Then I show you these all new and totally unique Astra Militarum army?

I drive my car through the store.

I death or glory it with my brand new CitadelTM SprueTM ClippersTM . It penetrates. I roll a 1. I then thank you for forging a narrative between my body and your fender.

I invoke a daemonic ritual on the starter game table.

I try to sell you four daemon boxes and a box of Space Marines to represent the results of your summoning.

I buy up all of the store's stock. I then replace all of the sprues with Chinese recasts, replace the cellophane wrap and come back to return them all.

I thank you for forging an ethnic narrative within the boxes and the company.

I take a kid's lunch money in the GW store.

I don't do anything as it is exactly the same as we do.

I ask for ideas on converting a riptide

(Ooh snap, dat burn.)

I tell you to forge a narrative for it.

I bring a corpse into the store and demand you all worship it.

Edit: I sit it on a toilet seat that's been sprayed with Burnished gold. For funsies.

I mount the corpse on your "golden throne"

I ask the definition of "forging a narrative"

I load you up with a rulebook, the Eldar and Tau codex, 5 riptides, 3 Wraithknights and 6 Wave Serpents. I also tell you to get the Farsight supplement.

I go in with a 20 man guardsman box and tell them I am missing all of the arms.

I tell you to forge a narative around a dictator that cuts off bad people's arms

I bring in a box of guardsmen that have twenty extra set of arms

I ask you to begin constructing a wall of arms, "for narrative purposes".

I expand the store to include additional gaming room, a second floor, a discount section and a food/drinks bar, all available for cut prices.

I thank you for doing what you can for the gaming community, and then I ban you from the store for not buying anything.

I declare a Waaaugh! and start by punching out anyone/everyone who walks into the store.

I call Mr Kirby who beats you with a 7th edition rulebook for keeping him away from his money.

I bring in the masses who are wanting blood for three paragraphs about 7th edition.

I thank you for forging a narrative between the store and the angry mob. I then proceed to draw my Chainsword and get stuck in.

A mount a dead neckbeard to the front of the store with a sign writ in blood: "abandon positive credit score all ye that enter here."

I thank you for forging a narrative between our customers and the bank. I also thank you for you realistic chaos shrine.

I bring in my blood angels, painted with actually blood. (Maybe the brown angels then considering the colour of dried blood)

I praise you for your dedication to Khorne.

I bring in my large breasted girlfriend and tell the staff we want to play a game of "strip Warhammer" in the store: each unit lost equals an article of clothing.

I thank you for forging a narrative between breasts and Warhammer 40k, explaining that such an alliance has been long overdue.

In further support of this, I ban any and all clothes from the GW store. Staff must paint their chests the corresponding shirt colour, while also adopting two other colours to keep to a three colour minimum. I also implement a "must be this attractive" entry requirement, with Abbadon as the standard.

I paint myself gold with odd sots of red and proclaim myself the true emperor of mankind (Apart from Matt Ward)

I bring in a homeless child who needs food and clean clothes.

I thank you for forging a narrative between the starving orphans and the store. I give the it a citadel finenapkin, then demand it pays for it.

I start advertising Warhammer as historically accurate.

I begin filming a "found footage" documentary with some miniatures.
I forge a narrative between forging and narratives.

I applaud you on writing creative yaoi fanfiction.

After playing a large game of 40k, I end with smashing all my opponent's models.

I force you to buy every battleforce and hero in the store, and then curse you in Tzeenchian.

I come in with the book of the Emperor, preaching the word and proclaiming i am Horus come again.

I thank you for forging a narrative between meth and your lungs, before kicking you out of my store.

I start painting models by loading paint pots into a shotgun. It works.

I tell you that the models have toughness 6 and a 2++ save, so your Strength 3 shotgun is useless.

I take a dump on the intro table.

I thank you for forging a narrative between the table and your raw excrement, before shovelling it into your carry case and giving you a lifetime ban. That's a proper life time, by the way, not fifteen years like our courts think it is.

I deodorise the store extensively while muttering to myself about kids and excrement.

I stare at you blankly and remember that there are things done free of charge out there.

I come in with an Imperial Guard army that is made out of entirely home brewed and overpowered rules. All of my models are stock GW. I refuse to leave until someone plays me.

I deploy 1 HQ and 2 Troops of Dark Vengeance, lose on turn 2 and use it as an opportunity to sell C:AM and 3 Cadian Defence Force boxes to a timmy watching the game.

I strike up a friendly conversation with a bewildered parent in the store about the benefits of Vallejo Model Air and "proper" airbrushes.

I tell the parent that the closest model shop that carries those paints are over 200 miles away and that they'll save money on Gas by buying from us.

I walk into the store with a Kitbashed IG/Empire army with magnetized bases. I demand that I be allowed to use the army for both systems. No, the Lasguns cannot be changed.

I thank you for forging a narrative between dimensions, suggesting you proxy a Baneblade for a steam tank.
"In fact, why not take three?"
As I'm forcing the boxes into your arms, I whisper something about a promotion for you if you take the boxes like a good redshirt.

I start assembling Space Marines with Ork arms, Tau legs and IG vox networks, with a white stripe painted down the middle. I then proceed to play them as S5 marines with pulse rifles that can use IG orders with Pulse weaponry.

All for the price of a conscript per guy.

I thank you for forging the narrative. I then fall entirely silent. You wait patiently but I never speak again in my entire life.

I ask if I can forge a narrative between my army and recast sites.

I thank you for forging a narrative between your bank account and Games(tm) Workshop(tm) Ltd(tm).(tm) I then lock the doors, and refuse to unlock them until you buy something - such as one of those Baneblades!
"You can really forge a narrative with those y'know..."

I start ranting about this new-fangled evil called the Internet.

I jam a bar a soap into your mouth, you should not mention the E-word.

I and my friend play a game, with 40 k models but secretary using Bolt Action Rules.