OrlandotheTechnicoloured wrote: I'm pretty sure you could deconstruct most 40K books in similar fashion as lots of them depend on crazy conincidences, implausible combat results, dubious decisions by the opposition etc
(not that I've read it to be able to say whether on not it works as a fun adventure novel)
The Guardian did a nice article about how Les Miserables should actually be titled Les Coincidences. It isn't just 40K apparently.
Coincidences, McGuffin's, and deus ex machinas have been a key component of storytelling since humanity began telling stories. I'll never get why people complain about them.
Of course theres different forms of coincidences and Deus Ex Machinas. Ones are more glaring than others.
But the quality I expect for a children book is much lower than I would expect for a adult book. And sadly Horus Heresy fiction is full of this kind of lazy writting.
The problems in the Warhammer Adventure books are more basic than Deus Ex Machina or the way they handle coincidence. The authors seem to have no intuition about information flow. Example from the sample:
Spoiler:
Our protagonist is being threatened by a ganger- is this really the time to break scene and talk about the taxonomy of scaled panthers?
They also can't figure out what a Point of View is. I mean, these are really basic mistakes. When an author makes a mistake like this, the editor is supposed to make them fix it, but I get the impression that the editor might have been making them add more of these mistakes
Spoiler:
"No really, I want you to describe the the meeting between our protagonist and her mother as disconnected to either of them as possible"
"How about we start the story off with the image of a bird or dragon thing swooping down on something, and our protagonist faintly hears that maybe something has happened to something nearby? Puts us right in scene, you know?"
"Oh, the progagonist is worried and trying to contact her mother. This is an excellent moment to talk about how her mother's archeological partner is a scholar and an expert in dead languages both human and alien"
"Can you make the prose more purple without passing up a middle grade vocabulary? That'd be great."
These are not problems that are pervasive in Middle Grade fiction (remember people- these books are meant for kids who could be reading Harry Potter instead). And this isn't something you have to put up with for all licensed worlds either. I mean, I really wish these books were written as well as the "Ever After High" series (they got a good author and probably a decent editor to boot).
Sadly, Games Workshop has failed at choosing good authors or editors. Mind, they often make the same mistakes with their adult fiction, so these aren't new problems. And it isn't that no one will enjoy them, but I won't. And I feel like there is so much potential to be better.
Honestly I don't get what niche these books are meant to be appealing to. Part of the Warhammer/40k appeal was that it was dark and a bit adult for younger audiences. Kind of like how you'd end up watching The Terminator and Aliens at like 8 or 9 years old.
Gael Knight wrote: Honestly I don't get what niche these books are meant to be appalling to. Part of the Warhammer/40k appeal was that it was dark and a bit adult for younger audiences. Kind of like how you'd end up watching The Terminator and Aliens at like 8 or 9 years old.
My parents thought that Jaws and the Alien series were appropriate viewing for 8 year olds. But Reefer Madness was too far.
With the thickness of the book(or lack of) and font size it seems like these books where rushed out with the idea that if it's for kids who needs it to be good, just have what kids like in it, with no real understanding of what kids like.
Gael Knight wrote: Honestly I don't get what niche these books are meant to be appalling to. Part of the Warhammer/40k appeal was that it was dark and a bit adult for younger audiences. Kind of like how you'd end up watching The Terminator and Aliens at like 8 or 9 years old.
My parents thought that Jaws and the Alien series were appropriate viewing for 8 year olds. But Reefer Madness was too far.
See I grew up on teen comedies, American Pie, Scary Movie, all those movies you shouldn't see when your below 10, throw in RoboCop and Troma Movies....
The first Star Wars book I ever read was about R2-D2, C3P0 and a 7 year old boy using an escape pod to destroy a Star Destroyer. They rammed it into the Star Destroyer's bridge (it's never explained how they got past the shields) and jumped out (into space) before it hit. Also all however many 1000s of Imperial Personnel aboard the ship managed to evacuation in the seconds of time they would have had before they impact, and nobody died.
It was a stupid story but I was also 6 years old when I read it, and I enjoyed it because 6 year olds aren't looking for internal consistency or faithfulness to the setting in their books. 6 year olds want pretty pictures and some action.
How sad must your life be as an adult to have an emotional investment in the writing of a book for kids.
Except these are meant more for 11-13 year olds, who by that time are already reading more complex books, like harry potter, long chapter books and so forth, not stuff like this
You can't really speak on behalf of all kids that age you know? Those ages are only guidelines. Some younger ones are going to pick it up, some older. All depends on reading ability and what they want out of a book. Don't lump them all under the same category.
EnTyme wrote: The number of "adults" who take these books way too seriously just astounds me.
Just out of interest, what is the precise level of acceptable seriousness with which this [or any] piece of media should be taken?
Probably somewhere around the point where you start to seemingly take personal offense to inadequacies in a book series for which you are obviously not the target audience. Unless, of course, you are an 11-13 year-old. If that's the case, critique away!
hotsauceman1 wrote: I mean, If I want to buy my nephew s this book, I should want to know it's good. Just cause you think kids should read garbage doesn't mean I do.
If you think Harry Potter is acceptable for your nephew then you'll have zero grievances with anything in these books.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I mean, If I want to buy my nephew s this book, I should want to know it's good. Just cause you think kids should read garbage doesn't mean I do.
Just so you know, there are people out there, who, quite rightly, think the Harry Potter books are overrated juvenile garbage. That for some unfathomable reason, adults are obsessed with.
I think the target audience of this book is guys that are gonna try and force their hobby on their kids.
"See, honey? I'm not being a neglectful father at all! Little Jimmy loves 40k!"
[toddler gnaws on book corner]
That was my plan.
Really, I'm just curious to see where the book lands in the Independent Reader spectrum. Is it at the Bunnicula level, or closer to So You Want To Be A Wizard. (The second book, Deep Wizardry, traumatized my son. He handled LOTR and Call of Cthulhu without problem, and requested! the Silmarillion. Pretty sure Warhammer's not going to be too dark or too difficult.). As for reading WH to a child, I'd probably start with old WH favorites like Brunner or Gotrek and Felix, and Execution Hour or Gaunt's Ghosts for 40k.
Really, I'm just curious to see where the book lands in the Independent Reader spectrum. Is it at the Bunnicula level, or closer to So You Want To Be A Wizard.
I'd say that they are on the high end for "Chapter Books" and the low end for "MIddle Grade." I think most 7 or 8 year olds can handle the reading level, More like Bunnicula.
They make poor read alouds because of the basic writing mistakes sometimes create a little confusion (having to reread sections) and mess with your ability to 'perform' a book the first time (in that way, it is very different from Bunnicula, where the voice is the best part of the book).
OrlandotheTechnicoloured wrote: I'm pretty sure you could deconstruct most 40K books in similar fashion as lots of them depend on crazy conincidences, implausible combat results, dubious decisions by the opposition etc
(not that I've read it to be able to say whether on not it works as a fun adventure novel)
The Guardian did a nice article about how Les Miserables should actually be titled Les Coincidences. It isn't just 40K apparently.
Careful there. Just because a great work has flaws that it overcomes doesn't mean that those flaws are merits. But let's talk about "coincidence."
- It is entirely possible to pull off "coincidence" in fiction. There are limits to what you can do, but th
The first way is for a coincidence to be the concept of your story. If you write a story about a character who has a one-in-a-million disease or wins the lottery, it isn't a coincidence, it is a concept.
One method is for coincidences to cause problems rather than solve them. Tragic coincidence isn't a problem (like in Othello, or in many Noir films). That's where most of the coincidences in Les Mis fall- and it isn't inappropriate
The second principle is to "hang a lantern on it." If the work acknowledges the coincidence, that changes the way it reads to the audience (for coincidences both good and bad). The way The Kite Runner handles coincidences. The snarky narrator in Candid is a good example of this. Hugo's writing does this a lot, and it helps to sell it.
You can set up the coincidences as part of your world building. This doesn't have to be literally magic- it is more about setting up reader expectations well. No on complains about the coincidences in The Man Who Knew Too Little or Anansi's Boys.
In most fiction, there's a principle of "The B Story Solves the A Story." If you bring the different plot threads together in a satisfying way, it is usually not considered a coincidence- as in King Lear or Star Wars (IV). While you still want to avoid anything that is overly convenient for our protagonists, the converging of story elements isn't a flaw (Han Solo's return is adequately foreshadowed, even though he just happens to get there at the right time).
Anyway, I only read the sample chapters, and I didn't feel like these were problems with the books.
I also don't feel like the tone is a problem. Sure, 40k invented the term "Grim Dark" but it didn't always embrace it. It has always existed in a strange compromise between He-Man and Heart of Darkness. That give you a whole lot of wiggle room, and some of the stories have always been on the lighter end of things.
And to be fair, in the sample chapter for Lifestone:
Spoiler:
the protagonists' mother dies on screen from disease and complications caused because she's an overworked slave.
Sure, it isn't ultra violent, but it isn't exactly presenting the settings as unicorns and rainbows either.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
EnTyme wrote: The number of "adults" who take these books way too seriously just astounds me.
Well, you can disrespect the genre, and that's fine. But people who read these types of books know that there are better and worse ones- and they have a lot of great options to choose from. There isn't a whole lot of reason to spend your time reading books that aren't very good.
With these, I suppose that your GW fandom can get you past the flaws so you can enjoy the books- and there's nothing wrong with that. We all enjoy stuff that isn't perfect, and it is up to you to pick your threshold. Personally, I have issue with how basic the flaws are.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Except these are meant more for 11-13 year olds, who by that time are already reading more complex books, like harry potter, long chapter books and so forth, not stuff like this
They are not. It's ages 8 to 12, to be pedantic. And I think the focus is more on the 8-10 segment.
You guys do know that age ranges on products are super casual, especially when it comes to products like books. Heck look at the other end at the "young adult" segment. It can run the whole gauntlet from being aimed at teenagers all the way through to mature adults and can run from being quite innocent to quite dark (mostly only missing out the most gratuitous references to sex)
My son, who is 9 years old, recently read Attack of the Necrons. I think he burned through it in about 2 days. He said that he enjoyed the book and would recommend it to his friends to read. He said it had the right amount of action and characters, without going into too much detail or gore (a plus for him), and he didn't report any inconsistencies or problems with the story or how the characters did what they did.
He said he it was simpler than Harry Potter, but more complex than other books that he has read (can't remember the names, he is a voracious reader).
So, from a 9 year old's perspective, it was a solid book. He didn't like the way it ended on a cliffhanger, and wonders how they make the transition from Necrons to Genestealers (e.g. will the story arc continue, or will it be a new story).
I have not purchased the Fantasy version for him, he prefers 40k.
And saying all of this, he has read all of the rulebooks/codexes, fluffbooks, white dwarves (old school WDs), and I have read him some of the short stories from BL40k novels (appropriately edited and screened), so he is familiar with the background and writings.
His initial reaction when I told him of this thread was "Why are they discussing a kids book on Dakka? Its for kids." LoL
His initial reaction when I told him of this thread was "Why are they discussing a kids book on Dakka? Its for kids." LoL
Did you explain that once he grows up, he'll find that he both becomes concerned how the quality of individual products from an IP he likes affects the quality of the whole IP, that just because things are for kids doesn't mean they shouldn't be of decent quality, and that generally just discussing things can be enjoyable in and of itself? Or is this less a "teachable moment" scenario and more a "oh no, yeah, my child totes said this thing that supports my argument in an extremely witty way..." situation?
The Woke child phenomenon comes to Dakka. It's the end times.
It's nice that kids enjoy these books, like I said before though. Must be a generation shift, as 9 is the age I was watching Terminator etc at. I can't help but feel parents giving their kids these books will be denying them that mildly traumatising upbringing!
Yodhrin wrote: Did you explain that once he grows up, he'll find that he both becomes concerned how the quality of individual products from an IP he likes affects the quality of the whole IP
Why would you want to force your kid into depression?
Don't tell your kid anything of the sort, Cruentus, please!
Yodhrin wrote: Did you explain that once he grows up, he'll find that he both becomes concerned how the quality of individual products from an IP he likes affects the quality of the whole IP
Why would you want to force your kid into depression?
Don't tell your kid anything of the sort, Cruentus, please!
No worries there
IP? He's 9. He knows what IP ia about, but he doesn't give a flying about "the quality of products". He likes what he likes and what GW offers (except prices ), so as far as he is concerned, its all good. And for a product aimed at exactly that audience, looks like it worked.
Cruentus wrote: He knows what IP ia about, but he doesn't give a flying about "the quality of products". He likes what he likes
I wish more adults had this maturity.
If two movies are coming out and one is a sequel to a movie you like but you don't like the movie itself, and the other is a new movie or a sequel to a movie you didn't like but you enjoy that movie, stop focusing on the bad movie and start focusing on the good movie people.
Less IP more stories!
Yodhrin wrote: Did you explain that once he grows up, he'll find that he both becomes concerned how the quality of individual products from an IP he likes affects the quality of the whole IP, that just because things are for kids doesn't mean they shouldn't be of decent quality, and that generally just discussing things can be enjoyable in and of itself? Or is this less a "teachable moment" scenario and more a "oh no, yeah, my child totes said this thing that supports my argument in an extremely witty way..." situation?
I just tried explaining the important of maintaining IP integrity to my cousin's 9-year-old kid. He just said "Okay, Entyme" then ate a booger and went back to watching Spongebob reruns.
EnTyme wrote: I just tried explaining the important of maintaining IP integrity to my cousin's 9-year-old kid.
I'd call the social service on you for child abuse if that was not obviously said in jest .
" . . . and that's why 'War Banner' and 'Warhammer' are too similar for both names to exist in the same ecosystem under current international copyright laws."
- Yodhrin reading his son a bedtime story, apparently
Cruentus wrote: He knows what IP ia about, but he doesn't give a flying about "the quality of products". He likes what he likes
I wish more adults had this maturity.
Whether some random nine year old likes a product has absolutely no bearing on the quality or otherwise of that product.
Plenty of people like Birdemic or The Room, but that doesn't make them good movies, for example.
I assume the 'quality doesn't matter if it's for children' line of reasoning wouldn't be expanded to children's food, or clothes, education or health services/products, so why should entertainment be exempt from criticism?
That's an interesting way to twist his words. If the kid enjoys it that should be good enough. It's up to them to decide the "quality" as they're the ones reading it.
Cruentus wrote: He knows what IP ia about, but he doesn't give a flying about "the quality of products". He likes what he likes
I wish more adults had this maturity.
Whether some random nine year old likes a product has absolutely no bearing on the quality or otherwise of that product.
Plenty of people like Birdemic or The Room, but that doesn't make them good movies, for example.
I assume the 'quality doesn't matter if it's for children' line of reasoning wouldn't be expanded to children's food, or clothes, education or health services/products, so why should entertainment be exempt from criticism?
I think most people like The Room, because it Isn’t good..
For me, if kids like it then it’s good enough for purpose.
I’ll read at some point and see what I think personally..
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Oh hi Danny76.
What, you think The Room is bad?
You are tearing me apart, Danny76!!
Anyway how is your sax life?
Playing lots of saxophone?
Chapter 1 Our heroes have been stranded on the ice world for two weeks now, and we learn that rations are running low.
Talen is trying to hunt a bady ridge-boar. We get a brief reminder of what happened in the last book, before he fails to catch the boar in a net and chases it through the forest. He encounters an adult ridge-boar, and is forced to flee from it.
Talen falls into a hole, hurting his arm, and is unable to climb out. He tries to use the communicator which Fleapit has made for each member of the party to call for help but gets no response.
Chapter 2 Zelia is back at camp, and was worried about Talen going off to hunt alone (although doesn’t appear to have volunteered to go with him).
Zelia thinks to herself that Erasmus got them in to their current difficulties – which is not only not true, but he actually saved their lives more than once in the last book.
Mekki and Fleapit are friends now. They communicate by ’electronic telepathy’.
Zelia and Talen were becoming close, but he is moody because he doesn’t like being told what to do.
Fleapit boosts the comms signal and they make contact with Talen.
Fleapit produces a grapple hook make from a bolt rifle from his ’pocket universe’ containing backpack, and Zelia and Mekki set off to rescue Talen.
When they arrive at the hole they discover that Talen is not there, although his vox unit is. Zelia climbs down into the hole to look for him.
Chapter 3 Talen has been unconscious. He wakes up in a nest of human bones and straw. The monster which knocked him out can be heard sleeping nearby. He starts to sneak away.
Zelia arrives and makes noise and waves around a lume-rod. She identifies the monster as an infant ambul. It is wounded. She wakes it up with her light.
An adult ambul emerges from deeper within the cave and chases them out. Talen and Zelia backtrack to the hole Talen fell into and use the grapple to escape. Talen apparently thinks that having to put his arm around Zelia so that he isn’t killed by the ambul is humiliating.
The illustration on page 45 shows the grapple hooked on the edge of the hole, but the text says that it is attached to a nearby mushroom tree.
Chapter 4 The adult ambul is wounded too. The description says that it has a missing claw, but the illustration on page 45 didn’t show this as being the case.
Zelia Talen and Mekki return to their camp, and Zelia examines Talen’s injured arm. Her omniscope also works as a medi-scanner and a holographic projector.
Talen has dislocated his shoulder. The escape pod’s cogitator has a full medical database in it, which mekki uses to learn how to fix the dislocation.
A storm is closing in.
Chapter 5 Zelia fixes Talen’s shoulder.
All of the lights turn off and Mekki discovers that their power supplies will be dead within a day. He doesn’t know how to fix the problem, so they go to visit Fleapit in his tent.
Out in the storm, Mekki and Talen get into a fight because the plot has decided that Talen will act like a jerk.
They can’t wake Fleapit up. Mekki says that ’He is not dead, but he is not alive either’. The jokaero is in suspended animation. Mekki knew that he was struggling due to the cold weather, but apparently hadn’t thought to tell the others until now.
The children argue because the plot requires them to. Talen notes that Fleapit isn’t a great team player, since he didn’t tell them he was going into hibernation. Mekki says that he can keep the power on, and Talen points out that he just claimed that they needed Fleapit’s help for that. Mekki accuses Talen of wasting their rations to hunt the ridge-boar. Talen counters that he was trying to increase their supplies, and that the others weren’t helping at all. Zelia says that they can fight if they want to because she doesn’t care anymore; and then immediately says that they need to work together.
Talen storms off.
Everyone gets sad.
They have more of an emotional reaction to this argument than they did to the destruction of Targian in the previous book.
Chapter 6 Zelia wakes up from a nightmare about the Necron Deathmark.
Mekki is trying to fix the heater, but he can’t. He doesn’t understand Fleapit’s technology. He knows that Fleapit was trying to build something, but doesn’t know what.
Mekki gets angry and starts shouting in binary and pushes Zelia over before storming off into the storm.
Mekki stumbles about in the storm.
The sonic fence around the camp has failed.
He encounters a four-armed alien. He is being hypnotised when Zelia and Talen arrive. Mekki somehow manages to run away.
Chapter 7 The children hide inside their shelter. The alien starts attacking the door.
Using memory wafers containing a catalogue of everything which they found on their excavations, which Mekki has been carrying around, Zelia identifies the enemy as a genestealer (surprise!), based on a skeleton they once found on a temple ship.
The genestealer tears a hole in the wall.
Mekki realises that Fleapit was building an energy shield because Talen happens to say the word ‘shield’.
Zelia and Talen pull a pipe off the wall and start hitting the genestealer while Mekki and his servo-sprite complete the shield.
The force field activates and cuts off the genestealer’s arm.
They have 40 minutes of power left. The genestealer is stalking around outside. It looks at Talen and hypnotises him.
Chapter 8 Zelia stops the hypnosis by blocking the genestealer’s view to Talen. It attacks the forcefield before leaving.
Talen names the xenos Scarface because it has a scar on its face.
Mekki knows that Fleapit has been finding technology an scrap from an unknown source, but apparently hasn’t questioned it before now. They discover that Fleapit has put a block on the servo-sprite’s memory so that it can’t tell the children where he goes to scavenge.
If they can find the source of the technology they can recharge their power and keep the shield up.
Talen points out that they will need a weapon to face the genestealer, and Zelia concedes the point.
Then Scarface bursts up through the floor.
Chapter 9 They run outside and Mekki reverses the forcefield so that the alien is trapped inside, which doesn’t really make sense. Scarface attacks the forcefield through the hole in the wall rather than returning back along the underground tunnel.
Talen sees that his pouch containing his toy soldier is still inside the shelter. The genestealer notices his reaction and picks up the pouch to offer it to him. Zelia convinces Talen not to go back for it. Scarface gets angry and throws the pouch down.
Chapter 10 They need to wake up Fleapit to find out where the technology is before the power runs out in 20 minutes time.
Apparently Fleapit has a connection to the servo-sprite, so Mekki tries to ’use it to reach him’ (???)He sees the events of the previous book from Fleapit’s perspective. Then Fleapit breaks the connection.
Talen opts to hit fleapit with a wrench. The jokaero wakes up due to a ’defensive function built into his hibernation’.
Fleapit confirms that there is an old spaceship on the other side of the forest. He is too weak to get up, so Zelia and Mekki carry him.
Chapter 11 They find the ship buried in the forest. They lever open a hatch using a length of scrap metal as a crowbar (nice and secure external airlock...)
Scarface is coming.
Fleapit recovers consciousness just in time to climb down the ladder into the ship.
Chapter 12 Zelia closes the hatch just as Scarface reaches her.
Fleapit goes back into hibernation.
Mekki can interface with a cogitator to turn the lights in the ship on. He claims that if they can reach the enginarium they may be able to take off or use the comms to contact the Scriptor. Scarface won’t be able to get in because the hull is made of reinforced ceramite. Why the hull would be made of ceramite isn’t clear.
Zelia explains that the engines will be at the back of the ship, and the refectory will be in the middle. How do they know which way the front and the back of the ship are from their current location? It’s a book for children – who cares?!
They split up and Talen goes off alone to find food. Talen and Mekki make up and are friends again because reasons.
Scarface cuts its way into the ship through the sealed hatch.
Chapter 13 Talen is exploring when Scarface finds him. He outruns the genestealer and locks a door behind him.
Zelia and Mekki find the engines. Mekki plugs into a cogitator and gets the power back online. Easy peasy!
Chapter 14 Talen climbs into a ventilation shaft but Scarface follows him.
The ship is becoming hot already and the ice inside is melting.
Talen drops down into an armoury and finds a grav pistol.
He tries to shoot Scarface twice but nothing happens. Scarface leaps at him. While the xenos is in the air, Talen notices a switch on the gun, flicks it, and fire again. He hits Scarface with a bolt of energy which pins the genestealer to the floor.
The armoury door requires a passcode to exit the room (the absurdity of this is even lampshaded by Talen). The ship can apparently detect unauthorised use of weapons.
The superstructure of the ship is interfering with their vox units. Zelia uses the ship’s comms to contact Talen. Mekki opens the armoury and then locks the genestealer inside once Talen is out.
Chapter 15 Mekki accesses the ships log and learns that there were loads of genestealers aboard, and that’s why it crashed.
Talen stumbles upon a nest of hibernating genestealers encased in ice. And the ice is melting!
Chapter 16 Talen tells Zelia and Mekki to escape the ship without him. He runs from the genestealers, and bumps into Scarface, but it is still affected by the grav beam and he can just run past. The other genestealers charge past, ’mowing it down with their claws’.
Talen outruns the genestealers for a bit before coming to a dead end at a locked door.
The illustration on page 174 shows Talen running with the lume-rod which the text says he has already lost.
Chapter 17 Talen is hypnotised again; but just as he is about to get a facefull of ovipositor Fleapit pulls him up into a vent, takes the pistol, and shoots the genestealers.
Mekki finds a map of the ship in the cogitator. He uploads it to Zelia’s omniscope (somehow?). The resultant holographic map shows their location, Talen, and a path to reach him. The omniscope can also detect nearby lifeforms and adds them to the map.
Zelia and Mekki meet up with Talen and Fleapit. Mekki can use his wrist-screen to add markers to the holographic map projected by Zelia’s omniscope.
They all outrun the genestealers again and get to an airlock which leads to the caves under the forest. The airlock is stuck but Fleapit just pulls it off its hinges. Zelia shoots the roof of the cave as they flee, causing it to collapse behind them.
Chapter 18 They run back to the ambul den, where they meet the adult ambul again. Talen tries to shoot it but the grav gun is out of power.
Then Scarface appears again, blocking the exit.
Scarface and the ambul fight.
Our heroes flee back to the hole which Talen fell into earlier. They can’t climb out, but Fleapit reconfigures the grav pistol so that it projects an anti-grav field (obviously not requiring power..?) which makes the group lighter than air, and they float up out of the hole!
They all jump out of the anti-grav bubble onto a mushroom tree, and the weapon keeps flying upwards, off to have its own adventures.
They are about to start climbing down the tree when a spaceship appears above them. It lands and a figure ([Rogue Trader] Captain Harleen Amity) steps down the access ramp to meet them.
The end.
So this whole plot rests upon
Spoiler:
Flegan-Pala not revealing to the rest of the group that he had found a semi-functioning spacecraft within walking distance of their camp.
Why is he even bothering with the distress beacon an eleven year old helped him build, and having to go into hibernation somewhere he'll almost certainly freeze to death, when there is a secure shelter with heating, lights, likely provisions, weapons, powerful comms equipment etc.?
Ok, it turns out to be infested with genestealers, but there is an armoury full of guns which could be used against them.
Why doesn't Flegan-Pala warn Mekki that he's going into suspended animation? Is he unaware that the rations and power are about to run out which will almost certainly lead to the deaths of the children and failure of the sonic fence and heating in the camp?
Why doesn't Flegan-Pala spend a couple of seconds to finish the energy shield before taking his nap? or at least communicate what it is he's building to the techpriest?
Why couldn't Flegan-Pala have given a weapon to Talen, so that he could hunt effectively? The Galactic Compendium at the back of the book even talks about jokaero digital weapons. How much of the plot couldn't have been solved by one of the characters involved having a weapon?
I particularly liked that the quote from David Tennant on the back cover is the same exact one which was used for Attack of the Necron.
I know that Genestealers are intelligent...but since when are
Spoiler:
hypnosis and feinging friendship
anything even slighly close to how they behave?
Spoiler:
Hypnosis has always been somethng they did - especially in the earlier fluff often implanted victims could not remember that what happened to them - the better to spread the seed.
Gael Knight wrote: I can't help but feel parents giving their kids these books will be denying them that mildly traumatising upbringing!
Just think of the stuff that kids can find/stumble across online though. I think the "scary" movies from our childhoods before the internet sort of pale in comparison.
If the kids get into 40k, then the books have done their job. I personally think the writing is pedestrian, and weak, but if a kid likes it, ( Or anyone else for that matter, ) I can't give you any static over it. The real question- The kids and character FIGURES!!! WHERE ARE THEY????
I know that Genestealers are intelligent...but since when are
Spoiler:
hypnosis and feinging friendship
anything even slighly close to how they behave?
Spoiler:
Hypnosis has always been somethng they did - especially in the earlier fluff often implanted victims could not remember that what happened to them - the better to spread the seed.
I remember the part about them forgetting being in at least one novel I've read, but i really don't recall anything being said to be that style specifically! Must have just missed it somehow then.
Spoiler:
I'd have assumed forgetting would be due to something being injected or potentially due to changes starting to take place, typical cartoon-style hypnosis via gaze seems far more absurd and silly.
Grot 6 wrote: If the kids get into 40k, then the books have done their job. I personally think the writing is pedestrian, and weak, but if a kid likes it, ( Or anyone else for that matter, ) I can't give you any static over it. The real question- The kids and character FIGURES!!! WHERE ARE THEY????
I am hoping that they will be made after the completion of these books
Ever wonder whether an eleven year old child can pilot an XV-85 Enforcer battlesuit? Well buckle in!
Chapter 1 The children board Amity’s ship.
Talen rolls a barrel of promethium down the boarding ramp like he’s Donkey Kong, squashing a genestealer.
They fly up into space.
Amity’s entire crew consists of literally a single servitor, named Grunt. Her ship, the Profiteer, is a warp-capable craft which is barely Thunderhawk-sized.
Talen appears to have forgotten his fear of flying from Attack of the Necron.
We learn from Zelia that servitors being made from actual people, as opposed to being vat grown, is just a rumour. It’s not like that sort of thing would be common knowledge or anything. Jeeze.
Amity has a holographic map of the Entire Imperium. We learn that Targian was in Segmentum Pacificus. The ice planet (which has no name) is in Ultima Segmentum. When pondering how they got from one to the other, Amity states, ‘That’s not how the warp works’. I know, right, that’s what I said too!
Amity also has a list of (all?) Imperial worlds. The Emperor’s Seat isn’t on it.
Zelia asks Amity to help them find her mother at the Emperor’s Seat.
Amity says that she already has a mission and requests payment for saving them.
When Zelia says that they have nothing, Amity asks for Fleapit. The jokaero snarls at her and she just immediately abandons the idea.
Amity offers to drop them off at the nearest planet.
Zelia offers to pay her for her help (with what, Zelia?!) She offers her omniscope. Amity refuses.
Then Zelia offers her Erasmus’ old job. Amity refuses.
Zelia says that they really need help; and so Amity agrees for no apparent reason.
Huh?
Chapter 2 Amity knows a map seller named Milon Karter who might know about the Emperor’s Seat.
They go to Hinterland Outpost, which is a space station built into an asteroid. Think the Mos Eisley cantina. Or Canto Bight, for the audience this book is aimed at *shudder*.
Talen encounters a beastman, and calls him a goat directly to his face.
In fairness, the following exchange between Talen and Zelia is actually almost legitimately comical.
Mekki sees some guys in golden exo-suits unloading cargo. They’re cleaner and sleeker than Imperial tech. I wonder where they might be from...
A kroot steals Zelia’s omniscope. The children chase it into a market. Talen goes off after it alone
Chapter 3 Talen chases the kroot down an alley.
He steals a bolas from a weapon stall he passes by. The irony of him stealing in order to catch a thief is lampshaded. ‘...the difference here was that the feathered freak had stolen something from one of his friends’ – oh, okay, that’s fine then (?)
Apparently Talen’s father taught him to use a bolas. Seems legit.
He trips up the kroot and retrieves the onmiscope. Then he gets knocked out.
Chapter 4 The kroot - named Korok – had hit Talen with the bolas (I guess Talen was so focussed on the omniscope that he just didn’t notice the kroot get back up?).
Talen gets thrown around a bit into some market stalls. Just as he’s about to have his skull caved in by the alien, Fleapit saves him.
Zelia arrives on the scene.
Korok gets the upper hand, but is shot by a man who introduces himself as Karter. What a coincidence that the very person they came here to find found them within minutes of their arrival!
Karter shoots Korok a second time in the shoulder and tells him to get lost. He describes Fleapit as a ‘prized specimen’, prompting Zelia to explain that he’s their friend. Karter states that there are many who would not take kindly to the suggestion that humans and xenos can be friends.
Mekki and Amity arrive.
Karter jokes about Amity employing children as her crew – although this is precisely what Elise actually does! – Zelia claims that they have hired Amity to work for them. Because Zelia is a liar.
Chapter 5 They all go to Karter’s shop.
Zelia ponders whether all aliens are baddies as the Imperial Creed teaches. She concedes to herself that Elise’s policy on avoiding violence is impractical when every alien they’re encountered besides Flegan-Pala has been trying to murder them to death.
We learn that Talen kept the stolen bolas!
During some back-and-forth dialogue, we learn that both Amity and Karter know about Necrons Because everyone except the Sisters of Battle at Sanctuary 101 do apparently and that something happened to Amity’s former crew.
Zelia explains that they’re looking for the Emperor’s Seat. Karter knows where it is (!) for the right price. There are actually three possible locations.
Mekki offers him Elise’s catalogue of archaeological finds. Karter refuses – instead he wants Fleapit.
Zelia declines and they leave.
Chapter 6 Amity says that they can try something else. Zelia is sassy and demands to know what Karter meant about bad things happening to Amity’s friends.
Amity reminds the children that she isn’t being paid for her help, and tells them to wait in the market and stop being brats, while she goes to talk to a hetelfish seller.
Zelia is afraid because they are so vulnerable.
Talen and Zelia argue when he criticises her for antagonising Amity. Fleapit tries to intervene, but Talen calls him a ‘stinking alien’.
Then Talen freaks out and picks a fight with a female Tau (how do they know she’s female? Who knows) and her bodyguards who are just minding their own business nearby. Talen goes off on a full-on Monodominant rant and storms off alone.
Mekki sends his servo sprite (which he has named Meshwing, and is now female apparently) to watch over Talen while they go back to the Profiteer.
Chapter 7 Several hours later.
Zelia wants to know about Amity’s crew. Mekki tries to hack into her cogitator, but is unable to. Finally somebody has password protected their technology so Mekki can’t just hack it!
Zelia reads up about the Tau. She doesn’t know what to think of them. She apparently didn’t think that the female in the market looked threatening, despite the armed bodyguards, and her specifically thinking at the time that Talen was in danger.
Mekki has lost contact with Meshwing.
Amity and Talen return. But where is Fleapit? Talen has the location(s) of the Emperor’s Seat(s).
He sold Fleapit to Karter!
But oh noes! Fleapit still has the Diadem! *Facepalm*
Amity is concerned that the Necrons will come to Hinterland to reclaim it. She thinks that they need to destroy the Diadem. Zelia protests that she promised to take it to her mother (no she didn’t). Zelia convinces Amity to let her try to get the Diadem back without resorting to violence. Amity gives her one hour before she goes in all guns blazing. For some reason.
Talen has disappeared again.
Chapter 8 Inquisitor Jeremias of the Ordo Xenos is on the ice planet, exploring the childrens’ abandoned camp. He finds claw marks in the shelter made by Scarface, identifies them as genestealer, and immediately instructs his servo skull Corlac to send a report (where?) calling for Exterminatus!
Jeremias finds Talen’s model soldier toy and uses magic to see Talen’s memories. Then he sets off to find the children.
I guess Talen’s memories from after he lost the soldier are somehow still imprinted onto it..?
Chapter 9 It is now night time on Hinterland.
Zelia and Mekki head back through the market. They encounter some stranger danger, but know not to talk to strange men.
They meet Meshwing, who leads them back to Karter’s shop. It is unlocked. There are anti-grav candles lighting it.
They enter the stock room. A Tau drone appears and tells them, ‘Halt! / Trespassers will be disintegrated’.
It tries to shoot them with a laser, but Zelia throws some parchments over it to confuse it.
Karter returns.
Zelia says that they want Fleapit back because he’s their friend.
Karter says that’s heresy.
Zelia says the drone is heresy.
Mekki says that his servo sprite is different to the drone because it is not sentient. (Isn’t it? They do seem pretty heretical).
Zelia says that they’ll report Karter to station Master Vetone.
Karter points out that they’re guilty of trespass, vandalism, and are would-be thieves. Then he kicks them out.
Meshwing is still hiding inside the shop. Zelia and Mekki plan to wait until Karter leaves and then get back in and steal Fleapit. Mekki says that he will search Elise’s notes for a way to deactivate the drone.
Chapter 10 Zelia and Mekki get back to the Profiteer, but they are locked out.
Korok, another kroot with a kroot hound, the beastman, and a ganger with an exo-suit appear and menace them. Korok wants the omniscope back.
Zelia and Mekki split up and run away. Korok’s staff doubles as a gun (which doesn’t match the illustration of the weapon on page 110).
Amity appears and blinds the attackers with a flash grenade. Then she and Grunt incapacitate them. She says that they won’t have to worry about them anymore; but the kroot is only unconscious and the beastman and hound ran off. Maybe Korok is dead..?
Mekki explains that Zelia doesn’t use guns (isn’t this the default position for twelve year olds anyway? I know 40K is grimdark, but come on). Amity says that she needs a lesson in self defence.
They go to the Profiteer’s armoury. Amity gives Zelia three flash grenades. The text says that Zelia puts them in a pouch on her bandolier, but the illustration on page 118 shows the weapon to be almost as large as Zelia’s head, so I don’t think that is going to work.
Mekki selects a shock-prod. He almost lets slip that he used weapons before he met Elise, while he was escaping from Mars.
Amity goes off to attend to some business, leaving Grunt to guard the children.
Mekki can’t find any information on abominable intelligence, but Zelia doesn’t mind because now the servitor will protect them from Karter’s drone.
They head back to Karter’s shop.
Chapter 11 The text says that the streets are deserted now, but the illustration on page 127 shows crowds of people.
The shop is empty. They break in and are searching for Fleapit when somebody else also breaks in! They’re ready for a fight, but it turns out to be Amity (duh. She said that she was coming earlier). Zelia asks what she’s doing there (duh. Stealing the monkey back).
They open a Fleapit-sized barrel in the stock room using Amity’s sonic-pick. But it isn’t Fleapit inside!
Chapter 12 The barrel contains a tentacle monster. Mekki electrocutes it with his shock-prod.
Karter and the drone show up.
Chapter 13 Karter explains that the monster is a kraken hatchling (!) He needs to administer a sedative before it recovers from being electrocuted. The drone just happens to have a syringe loaded and ready to go, but Amity smashes it.
Amity blackmails Karter – the location of Fleapit, or she will tell the Inquisition about his trade in xenos hentai beasts. He’s about to tell them who he has sold Fleapit to when the kraken eats him and crushes the drone.
Amity, Zelia, and Mekki flee, leaving Grunt for dead.
The kraken rapidly grows huge and smashes out of the shop. It is about to kill everyone when three Crisis suits appear and blast it apart. Then the Tau take the group prisoner.
Chapter 14 The Tau take them up into a tower. There are lots more battlesuits and drones in a hallway.
The female Tau from the market is sitting on a hover throne. Fleapit is in a cage.
The Tau introduces herself as Por-Vre Tolku Paxis, aka ‘Madame Lightbringer’. She explains that she is selling Tau technology to the highest bidder, and was using the drone to spy on Karter. She sent the battlesuits to capture them because Amity threatened to call the Inquisition on Karter.
Lightbringer then orders them to be thrown out of an airlock.
Just before they are about to die in the cold vacuum of space, Grunt bursts through the door!
Grunt is wielding a severed kraken tentacle. He uses it to knock off the helmets of all three battlesuits in a single swing.
Zelia sees the faces of the three Tau bodyguards from the market beneath (never mind that the battlesuit pilots’ heads would be in the chest and not beneath the head/helmet).
Drones swoop down from the ceiling and attack.
Then a larger battlesuit (by the illustration, an XV-85 Enforcer) armed with burst cannons comes alive and incapacitates the three Tau warriors and shoots down the drones. Talen is piloting it!
Chapter 15 Talen can’t control the suit fully, and is firing wildly.
Zelia orders Amity to give her her gun – and she does for some reason! Zelia shoots the chain holding Fleapit’s cage in only two shots (not bad for somebody who has never fired a gun before). Fleapit jumps onto Talen’s back and starts pulling out handfuls of cables.
The other battlesuits from the hallway activate and attack. They are automated and have no pilots!
Amity and Zelia seal the doors so that they can’t get in.
Talen gets out of the battlesuit.
He explains that he followed Karter to Lightbringer when he came to sell Fleapit, and has been waiting for a chance to rescue the jokaero. Selling Fleapit for the information they needed from Karter was Fleapit’s idea all along (how he communicated this is left up to our imagination).
Lightbringer has escaped so there must be another way out of the room.
The doors are about to give way.
Mekki gets in the Enforcer suit. ‘There is no way a human could pilot a battlesuit correctly’ he says. Before piloting the battlesuit.
Again there is a description of the helmet being put over Mekki’s head – but the illustration on page 175 even shows Mekki’s head in the battlesuit’s chest area.
The automated battlesuits break into the room. Mekki’s guns are more powerful for some reason and he is beating them.
Burst cannons fire crimson bolts now, apparently.
Then Lightbringer re-appears and holds a knife to Fleapit’s throat, ordering everyone to stop shooting or she’ll shank a fool.
Then Amity reveals that she has a ring on with a vox unit hidden in it. She was contracted by the Ethereals of Dal’yth to find out who had been selling Tau secrets. Plot twist!
At that very moment a Tau fleet begins attacking Hinterland, highjacking every vox caster on the station to declare that it is now under the control of the Tau Empire.
Lightbringer starts to run away. Amity tries to shoot her down, but her beamer’s power pack is flat. Talen brings her down with his bolas. They put her in Fleapit’s cage.
Chapter 16 Hinterland surrenders to the Tau, and the occupation is in full swing by the time the group arrive back in the market.
A Fire Warrior is confiscating a whole stack of barrels like those the kraken came out of from somebody. This is an actual line from the book: ‘The Tau had no right to seize other people’s property’. HA!
The Dal’yth leader, Commander Firebrand, is wearing green armour. Sept colour is blue, but whatever, carry on.
Once Amity hands Lightbringer over to him, he offers them the choice of either remaining on Hinterland as prisoners or being killed, in order to cover up the dishonour brought about by Lightbringer’s crimes.
Zelia sets off a flash grenade and they all run away.
MEKKI IS STILL IN THE BATTLESUIT, BY THE WAY
Mekki knocks over the pile of barrels, and loads of kraken attack the Tau.
Zelia rouses the people of Hinterland to join the fight to re-take the station and the fightback begins.
They get aboard the Profiteer and take off – but the Tau fleet is blocking their escape.
Mekki patches Amity’s Tau ring into the Profiteer’s vox network and uses it to broadcast all of the information in his databanks at once.
For some reason this causes the speakers and video displays aboard the Tau cruiser to go haywire, and the signal blocks every communication frequency.
The Profiteer uses the confusion to escape.
Once the Tau ship re-establishes contact with Firebrand, he orders them to open fire on Hinterland, before being eaten by a kraken.
However the transmission has overloaded the circuits of the Tau ship, and it is unable to fire.
Hinterland fires on the Tau ship with its defences, presumably destroying it.
Station Master Vetone declares victory over the Tau on the vox network.
Phew! Got pretty wild there, huh?
Mekki and Fleapit get to work on the XV-85, while Talen talks to Amity.
Zelia ponders on how little she actually knows about her friends.
Amity refers to Zelia as ‘my lady’, and says that she’ll stick with them (I guess she also bought into Zelia’s claim that she worked for the child..?)
Amity is described here as having a pierced eyebrow – none of the illustrations of the character throughout the book show this feature.
Talen is about to tell the group what Karter told him about the Emperor’s Seat when...
The end.
David Tenant isn’t quoted as saying that this one is ‘A fantastic science fiction adventure’ on the back cover, so take that for what it’s worth.
Again a lot of plot happens because
Spoiler:
For no apparent reason the characters don’t tell each other things and make terrible decisions.
If Talen had told Zelia that Fleapit was in on the plan to be sold to Karter, a whole lot of trouble could have been avoided.
If Fleapit had stayed aboard the Scriptor when they arrived at Hinterland, none of the trouble with Karter or Lightbringer would have been necessary.
Then again, if she didn’t stumble upon the children, if they didn’t sell the jokaero to Karter, if they didn’t need to rescue Fleapit and recover the Diadem leading to the release of the kraken, and if they hadn’t then been captured by the Tau, how was Amity intending to find Lightbringer anyway?
Was the whole plot her game of 4D chess?
Also
Spoiler:
What is up with all of the theft going on in these books?
These little delinquents are kleptomaniacs!
"What is up with all of the theft going on in these books?
These little delinquents are kleptomaniacs!"
You've managed to avoid almost every RPG game right? The FIRST rule of adventuring is to STEAL EVERYTHING that isn't bolted down*! If you can carry it you steal it! Coins, gemstones, rubbish bits of armour. Anything you can lay your hands on you steal!
*this assumes that you try to steal the thing they are bolted onto if at all possible!
So ummm
Battlesuits are genelocked........did they not tell the writer.
Also, I guess tau suits are automated now, makes me wonder why they need pilots.
God, GW really is ruining its fluff aint it?
It's not so much taking a gak as it is just modifying it for a differing reading audience. It's the same as most kids productions for most things. They simplify some concepts and leave others out - otherwise these kids would have been dead within a few moments of stating their adventures.
BaronIveagh wrote: well, as was pointed out earlier, 40k isn't actually kid friendly so GW having to take a gak on it's own lore was to be expected.
It isn't? I wish you'd been around to tell 9 year old me and my group of friends that at the time we all started reading and playing
I think he means the setting not the game The game is clearly aimed at young teens and that rough age bracket. Heck I did a poll here a while back and around 13 or so was the biggest spike with the bulk of people starting this hobby being under 20 with a fast tapering off beyond that.
The setting itself is most certainly not kid friendly
You've managed to avoid almost every RPG game right? The FIRST rule of adventuring is to STEAL EVERYTHING that isn't bolted down*! If you can carry it you steal it! Coins, gemstones, rubbish bits of armour. Anything you can lay your hands on you steal!
I mean, sure, Skyrim doesn't get referred to as Inventory Management Simulator for nothing - but then Skyrim doesn't preach that Tau confiscating barrels full of ravenous squid monsters is bad, but stealing from a market stall is fine so long as you're trying to help your freind.
And in the first book we learned that looting shops doesn't warrant passing judgement over, but selling space on your own starship makes you reprehensible.
Perhaps this is why we don't generally turn to pre-teens for lessons on morality.
After a whopping seven months since the last installment, it’s the turn of the Orks to take a beating...
Spoiler:
Chapter 1 Inquisitor Jeremias arrives at Hinterland Outpost as the locals are tidying up from the carnage caused by our heroes in the last instalment. He questions a sassy female medic about what happened and whether she has seen the children. She can’t help. Then the beastman from Secrets of the tau introduces himself and says that he knows all about the children if the Inquisitor will give him passage off Hinterland...
Chapter 2 We get reintroduced to our main cast, who are aboard the Privateer.
Apparently, Captain Amity ‘had been promised a small fortune if she helped them find Zelia’s mum’ – which straight up didn’t happen in the last book – as I noted back then, Amity has no reason to be taking orders from a twelve year old.
We’re also told that, ’Talen had tricked the crook [Karter] into giving them the location of the Emperor’s Seat’ – that’s not true either! He traded Fleapit for the information. He didn’t trick him.
Karter had given three possible locations for the Emperor’s Seat – Terra (duh), which the group disregard out of hand – presumably because we need to save it for the series finale – Weald, a forest world on the Eastern Fringe, and Pastoria, which isn’t in Amity’s list of worlds; but as luck would have it Amity’s family archives contain a scroll titled Legends of the Emperor which mentions it (how VERY CONVENIENT) but doesn’t give coordinates.
Mekki is able to conjure up a hololith of a series of stained glass windows from Terra which show the Ultramarines carving a mountain on Weald into a likeness of the Emperor. Handy that they had access to that...
Zelia orders Amity to set course for Weald. Amity asks the children who wants to be co-pilot (does she need a co-pilot? Her entire crew is a single servitor...) and Talen rushes to volunteer. Does anybody else remember when Talen was afraid of flying, or am I the only one?
Chapter 3 Talen is apparently a natural at piloting a warp-capable spacecraft. Of course he is. Whatever you say book. Zelia hypothesises that he ’had a slight crush on the woman’.
The Privateer enters Weald’s atmosphere and they fly to the mountain-statue of the Emperor. They fly literally right up to it for some reason.
Then unknown attackers start firing rockets at them out of the jungle. One of the rockets blows the nose of the statue, which smashes through the Profiteer’s wing. They’re going to crash, so Amity orders them to go to the starboard hatch and jump out (!) She intends to stay aboard and crash land – perhaps this is her way of finally getting rid of these children..?
Talen doesn’t know which side starboard is. Mekki tells him ’to the right’; but if they’re moving from the cockpit back down the ship, the starboard hatch would actually be on their left.
They put on grav chutes (I guess Amity keeps a load of spares just in case?), one of which Fleapit modifies for Mekki so that he doesn’t have to take his backpack of tools off; but the hatch is stuck. They can’t just use the port hatch I guess, and Fleapit doesn’t seem willing to help, despite ripping the hatch clean off a starship in Claws of the Genestealer, so Talen holds it open. Mekki doesn’t want to jump in case his chute doesn’t function. Fleapit pushes him out before he and Zelia jump.
Mekki’s chute doesn’t activate (did Fleapit just straight up try to murder Mekki!?) but Zelia saves him because she’s also a pro skydiver. But oh no! – Talen didn’t jump because he was stuck holding the hatch open for them.
Chapter 4 Back on the Privateer Talen returns to the flight deck. Amity asks him why he’s still here, and why he didn’t just have Grunt hold the hatch open. It’s because he’s a teenage boy and she’s a hot female space captain.
They are looking for a clear area to land in when they spot some other downed craft in the distance.
Zelia, Mekki, and Fleapit land. Fleapit has lost the Necron Diadem. Somehow. It turns out that he had hidden it aboard the Profiteer before going into the whole getting sold to Karter plan on Hinterland. Apparently he had told the others this - but that didn’t happen in the last book. Why not retrieve it as soon as the chance presented itself? Because plot, that’s why!
Just then Talen contacts them on the vox to say that they’ve survived the crash landing (needn’t have jumped out, really, but the plot required it, I guess). The Diadem is inside a different micro-dimension, which only Fleapit can get into, so they need to get to the crash site several kilometres away.
The Privateer needs Mekki and Fleapit to repair it. Zelia tells orders Talen to go and check out the other ships while she and the techs travel to them.
Talen shortens Zelia’s name to ‘Zel’ as they talk, ’Usually she hated that, but somehow it sounded right coming from him’. Ooh - are we going to get ourselves a love triangle plotline?
Fleapit converts his grav chute into a hover pack. He refuses to do the same for the children, even though that would allow them to get back to the ship more quickly and safely than walking through the jungle. He does actually want them to die, doesn’t he?
Chapter 5 Zelia drinks some water from a leaf. Mekki lets slip that his family were forced to leave Mars.
The group find a huge set of footprints amongst a path of fallen trees.
But before they can investigate they hear someone calling for help nearby. They go to investigate and find a crashed flying machine. The calls for help are coming from beneath it. Fleapit wants to carry on towards the Scriptor but Zelia convinces him to help because ’It is the right thing to do’. He takes the anti-grav devices from their grav chutes and uses them to lift the wreckage up. But oh no! It’s not a human trapped under it, but a gretchin! Who could have possibly foreseen this turn of events?!
Chapter 6 Talen and Amity are exploring the wrecked ships. They are Imperial, but have been crudely modified. They go inside one and find that the walls have been painted to show scenes of green figures battling against a large, fanged monster, which they chase into the jungle, before getting eaten by it, repeatedly. Talen finds a tooth. Then the penny finally drops for Amity and she identifies the figures as Orks.
Then there is an inhuman roar...
Chapter 7 The gretchin drags Zelia towards itself, but Fleapit drops the wreckage back on top of it. Then the gretchin starts crying and apologises for scaring the children – he explains that his name is String-Guts, and says that if the larger Orks find him here they’ll beat him up. Zelia turns to the fourth wall and explains that bullying is bad. Mekki sensibly says that the greenskins are monsters and that they shouldn’t help him. Zelia then says, ’But aren’t we no better than them if we leave him here?’ – it’s like she doesn’t remember every interaction she’s had with aliens in the last three weeks (excluding Fleapit - although she would have died due to his inaction in Claws of the Genestealer too!)
The children retreat to a safe distance and re-activate the grav devices. String-Guts doesn’t move from beneath the wreckage though. Zelia fears that he’s paralyzed or unconscious, and so goes back to help. She is unable to drag him free so Mekki also joins her. They pull the alien free just as the grav devices fail and drop the wreckage again.
Then String-Guts jumps up and overpowers Zelia – he was just pretending to be incapacitated! Who could have possibly foreseen this turn of events?! The gretchin yells that it has been attacked by humies and two Orks appear out of the jungle.
Fleapit has disappeared.
The greenskins take Zelia and Mekki prisoner and begin escorting them to the Ork leader of the Tek-Hedz clan, Badtoof the Rotten.
Chapter 8 The wrecked ship Talen and Amity are in gets attacked by a giant squig the size of a battle tank. They get thown around for a bit while Amity drains the power packs of her laspistols by not shooting it (Note: usually the pistols are referred to as ‘beamers’. I don’t think that they have been referred to as laspistols anywhere else but here across all four books) Talen then hits it in the eye(s) with his bolas, causing it to back off.
The squig is pulled back on chains by three Orks clad in bone armour. The Ork leader, One-Eye, crushes Talen’s bolas to dust in his fist, and then has a conversation with the two humans. The Orks are using the sniffler-squig to tack something through the jungle for their warbass, Nettle-Nekk. They don’t know what they’re looking for, but assume that they’ll know it when they find it. Amity convinces them that they should go back to Nettle-Nekk to find out what they’re supposed to be tracking just in case they don’t know it when they find it and anger the warboss. She agrees that she and Talen will wait there until the Orks return. This works, and the Orks are leaving, when she tells Talen to run away. She gets shot in the shoulder by a crossbow, and Talen gets taken prisoner. Probably should have waited more than literally no time at all before trying to leg it.
Chapter 9 The Orks take Zelia and Mekki to their camp in a big net. There the children are introduced to Badtoof the Rotten (who has bed teeth, hence the name) who has just finished beating up a would-be challenger. It takes Zelia literally two sentences to reveal the existence of the Privateer to him.
The three Ork bikers appear. Badtoof greets their leader by head butting him, which knocks a tooth out. Zelia collects it and starts to use it to saw through the net.
Chapter 10 Talen and Amity are taken to the camp of the Snake-Skull clan, where they are presented to Nettle-Nekk (who has a fake beard made of nettles, hence the name).
Nettle-Nekk is annoyed that One-Eye brought him humies instead of da Biggun. One-Eye says that he had a question to ask, but can’t remember what it was. Nettle-Nekk tells Talen that the Snake-Skull clan hate the Tek-Hedz because the latter don’t care about nature, whereas the Snake-Skullz do. Insert Greenpeace joke here.
Nettle-Nekk want’s to capture da Biggun – a colossal squig – in order to use it to defeat the Tek-Hedz. Talen convinces the warboss that he and Amity can capture the beast for the Orks by setting a trap for it.
Chapter 11 Zelia overhears that the Tek-Hedz are also trying to capture da Biggun.
There is a reference to’...one of the sniffler handlers’[i] talking to Badtoof – but the sniffler handlers were Snake-Skulls, not Tek-Hedz. Proof readers, people!
Badtoof wants something to eat that isn’t squig-based. Zelia cuts her way out of the net, but runs directly into String-Guts and gets immediately captured again. The gretchin suggests roasted humie.
Zelia and Mekki are tied to a spit, being cooked. Mekki suggests to Badtoof that he can provide the Orks with entertainment by doing an impression of C-3PO telling stories to the ewoks, projecting hololiths of their adventures from the last three books, and offers to build machines for them. Badtoof orders the cooking to cease.
Zelia and Mekki are given armour and weapons and are going to have to fight to the death to prove how inventive they can be.
Chapter 12 Talen and Amity are taken out into the jungle and tied to a wooden stake – they are going to be used as the bait for the trap to capture da Biggun.
They manage to escape, using a micro-laser hidden in one of Amity’s brooches, and flee into the trees. They encounter One-Eye, who is armed with a bind-weed bomb firing wooden semi-auto bazooka, which essentially shoots a vine net. Talen throws some paint in the Ork’s one good eye, and then shoots him with the bazooka. The wooden nut-firing bazooka. Sure; Whatever...
They take a squig chariot and ride off (you’d think that a jungle wouldn’t be the ideal environment for chariots, but here we are...)
Chapter 13 Mekki uses a vox mast being used as a flagpole to boost his signal so that he can contact Talen (I guess the Orks had powered their flagpole..?) He sends a homing pulse along the frequency (???) so that Talen and Amity, who are in the midst of a chariot chase can come to them.
Chapter 14 An Ork with an electric guitar sings a song.
Zelia and Mekki put on a poor show of fighting to the death against one another. Badtoof sends in some bomb squigs to liven things up, but the children survive the explosions because they’re as invincible as the children in [i]Skyrim. Badtoof orders his Orks to kill them, when suddenly Talen and Amity arrive, with the Snake-Skulls in hot pursuit.
Waaagh! A battle begins.
Chapter 15 While the Orks are fighting each other, Zelia and Mekki get out of their orky armour. The wheel comes off Talen and Amity’s chariot and they crash.
Zelia feels bad for getting them into this mess by bringing them to Weald.
Amity has disappeared.
Instead of just running away, Zelia grabs a bomb squig and throws it at Badtoof and nettle-Nekk, who are fighting. They are both knocked down by the blast. Zelia gets between them and shouts for the Orks to stop their battle – which they do, because obviously that makes sense. She claims that because she won against the two warbosses she must be stronger than both of them, and they should bow down to her (despite neither of them actually being hurt). Surprisingly this doesn’t actually work, but all of the Orks start laughing at how absurd the idea that she is stronger than them is. Zelia proceeds to give an inspirational speech about how the Orks are all the same, really, and instead of fighting against each other, they could have been working together to capture da Biggun.
The orks are inspired by the power of friendship and agree to put aside their differences and team up. String-Guts picks up the electric guitar from earlier and sings a song.
Then Nettle-Nekk puts a grenade in Badtoof’s hand during a handshake, and the Tek-Hedz warboss explodes.
Chapter 16 Zelia admonishes Nettle-Nekk for going back on his word after shaking on it. Nettle-Nekk proclaims himself the leader of all of the Orks now, and declares that together they’ll capture da Biggun and then launch a Waaagh! Against humans off-world.
Zelia, Talen, and Mekki are all captured (again). They are tied to a stake at the foot of the Emperor’s Seat mountain as bait for da Biggun.
Zelia apologises for bringing them to Weald and trying to negotiate with the Orks. Talen says that since none of them objected to coming to the planet it isn’t her fault, and them being used as bait is his fault because he suggested the idea to Nettle-Nekk.
Da Biggun appears (why was it hanging around basically just outside the Ork camp(s), and why is it attracted by the tiny morsel of food which the children represent? Who cares!) The unified Ork clans capture it before it can eat our heroes.
Talen tells String-Guts that if he frees them, Talen will trade him the Profiteer, which String-Guts can use to gain influence with Nettle-Nekk. The gretchin agrees and frees the children. Talen then pushes the greenskin away, and they flee, but String-Guts raises the alarm and holds them at guitar-point. Nettle-Nekk says to kill them since they’re not needed anymore, but just then a whole heard of colossal squigs show up!
Chapter 17 String-Guts gets stepped on by a squig. The Orks and squigs do battle, but the Orks are losing.
The children set off orky stink grenades, which repel the squigs.
Mekki tries to contact Amity. Fleapit responds, saying that he and Amity at back at the Profiteer, but gets cut off.
Nettle-Nekk attacks the children. Talen blasts him with the guitar, causing the warboss’s nettle beard to flap up into his face. Then da Biggun eats him.
The stink grenades have run out, and the strings of the guitar have conveniently all snapped, so our pint-sized heroes look doomed; but just then a voidship swoops down... but it isn’t the Privateer!
The illustration here of the children running from squigs shows them in pristine condition, despite the narrative saying that they should be covered in paint/mud, with torn clothing and various minor wounds.
Chapter 18 The black ship makes an attack run, and then beams the children up, Star Trek teleporter-style.
The mystery ship is the Zealot’s Heart, piloted by Inquisitor Jeremias. He shoots the mountain-statue of the Emperor, causing a rockslide which buries all of the Orks.
While Corlak the servo skull pilots the ship (!), Jeremias reveals that Captain Harleen Amity is an enemy of the Imperium who wanted the Diadem all along. He has also been searching for it. And now they’re going to have to get it back from her together [DUN DUN DUN]
The end.
Well that was a romp.
Spoiler:
Why did Amity fly them so close to the mountain?
Why didn’t they run an auspex sweep of the area before flying headfirst in? (the galactic compendium section at the back of the book even specifically talks about auspexes)
Why did Amity want the children to jump out of the Privateer?
Why does Zelia think that not rescuing String-Guts would make her and her companions as bad as the Orks?
Why didn’t Amity wait until One-Eye had left before trying to run away?
Wooden bazooka.
Why didn’t Talen lead String-Guts away from the rest of the Orks a bit before attacking him?
What is up with the teleporter array on the Zealot’s Heart?
We’re obviously supposed to believe Jeremias’ claim that
Spoiler:
Amity is a baddie (along with Fleapit, who has been her accomplice all along according to the preview of Plague of the Nurglings), but that’s clearly not going to be the case.
For a start, Jeremias is a dude, and if I’ve learnt anything from these four books so far it’s that men are the antagonists. He’s clearly the real bad guy.
Secondly that would make no sense at all – Amity would have had to have known that the Diadem was on Targian; would have had to have known that it had been found and who had it; would have had to have known which ship it would end up on during the evacuation (the Mercantor rather than the obvious Scriptor); would have had to get Fleapit aboard that ship during the destruction of Rhal Rata; Fleapit would have had to have been able to locate the Diadem onboard the ship, and track it to a specific escape pod; why wouldn’t Fleapit have disposed of the children once he had the Diadem in his possession on the ice planet?; Why wouldn’t Amity have disposed of the children once she had rescued them?; Why would she even rescue them and not just Fleapit?; Why would she stop off to work for the Tau on Hinterland instead of doing whatever she was planning to do with the Diadem?; Why would she not dispose of the children during/following the business on Hinterland?; Why would Fleapit jump out of the Privateer with the children when the Diadem is onboard?; Why wouldn’t fleapit dispose of the children in the jungle – he can easily overpower them; Why would Fleapit have responded to Mekki’s vox call for aid instead of just ignoring it?
), so as far as he is concerned, its all good. And for a product aimed at exactly that audience, looks like it worked.
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The game is clearly aimed at young teens and that rough age bracket. Heck I did a poll here a while back and around 13 or so was the biggest spike with the bulk of people starting this hobby being under 20 with a fast tapering off beyond that.
