Hey all, sorry if this is heavy but I've just came out as transgender to my friends and family. I've been feeling these feelings for years and I had to get them out. Even though i dont know many on this forum, i thought people should know. Hopefully people i know in the community can accept me as my true self, as a woman.
Cool story bro. (Thats my way of saying congrats, but this isnt the kind of thing that anyone should care about, as its your life to do with as you see fit, and nobody elses ).
I've always believed that you have to do what seems right to you, as long as it's not something that hurts other people.
Hell, I used to LARP with a "woman" who used to be a man. Frankly when I learned the fact from someone else after seeing the person at events for a couple of years, it was really just one of those "shrug" moments. I was never close to them so I couldn't see how it mattered to me even in the least, so I kept playing like nothing changed.
I hope you can be accepted by everyone that matters, and who cares about the rest.
Good for you. Not an easy task and I know its something you may struggle with (or at least others may struggle to deal with) but thats still awesome. It's your life, you deserve to be happy
As others have said, good luck with your transition. No doubt the next few months/years will be exciting and challenging. I hope your network of family and friends are supportive during this new stage in your life, and kudos for having the courage to begin the transition process.
I salute you for having the courage to come out with it.
How long have you been feeling this way? For as long as you can remember, or did you realise it at a later point in life?
Is hormone replacement therapy dependent on age, or can it be started at any age?
can start it at any age, its more to do with mental health. I almost got told to go see a therapist for my depression first until they pointed out that the depression was caused by the gender dysphoria.
OgreChubbs wrote: Why don't you try seeing a therapist before doing anything else? Cause some things are ...permementso there would be no harm.
As Avatar 720 stated, this is currently going on. In cases like these someone typically doesn't wake up one day, head to a surgeon, and ask for a snip. There is typically years of therapy, a period of living as the opposite gender, and all manner of evaluations that come before major, permanent surgery.
Wellcome to the select club here on Dakka Dark apostle Bryan (looks like I'm going to have to do some altering on my page ), hope all goes well with you, not the easyist thing to do ever (I should know)
If we total strangers can provide some small measure of support and acceptance, it's probably worthwhile.
So, as a total stranger, I say: God bless you. You are doing a brave thing and a difficult one, no matter how far you end up going or not going in the end. You have an inalienable, God-given right to the pursuit of happiness -- let no one tell you otherwise -- and you're pursuing it.
Albatross wrote: I've never understood 'coming out' to total strangers and I don't think I ever will.
I mean, just get on with it.
In the nicest possible way.
I am not quoting you to attack you, Albatross, rather in the past I have felt the same sentiment you are expressing and struggle with how to come down on public sharing even today (I flip flop, depending on the day). However, I think I am starting to lean towards the mindset that major life events warrant sharing, and sometimes people can only really ever share with strangers (for various reasons).
And this is hard to disagree with (well said SisterSydney):
SisterSydney wrote: If we total strangers can provide some small measure of support and acceptance, it's probably worthwhile.
Well done with finding the courage to come out to your friends and family, AND us! Kudos to you for going through with it I wish you the best of luck with the therapy, hormone replacement and if you decide to undergo an operation then best of luck! Remember no matter what anyone says, The Emperor protects!
(also I am gald my 1000st post here on this marvelous site could be wishing a fellow dakkanaught the best of luck on such a momentus occasion)
I just wanna add, if I (and hopefully most dakkanaughts who sww this thread) use the wrong pronouns I apologize it wasnt deliberate and as soon as I spot the mistake I will rectify it. And hopefully if I spot any unaware Dakkanaught useing the wrong pronouns I will send him a PM alerting him to the mistake would that be okay with you? Or in such an instance would you rather just ignore it?
Good for you. If something needs doing, look into doing it and get it done.
It's not something I expect to ever understand, but I'm not the person who has to.
As an anonymous person on the internet, I expect no-one here would have treated you any different if you hadn't mentioned anything. You'll always be a "he" when people refer to you in posts, as everyone defaults to that if they don't know otherwise. It's not personal, but you probably know that anyway.
And, since the Dakkaite I was going to point you towards has already posted in here, you're not alone.
Lovely post, Kali. Helpful and compassionate and demonstrative of your knowledge of the issue. So how was your experience in Thailand? Based on the photo you shared I'd imagine it was quite successful.
Lovely post, Kali. Helpful and compassionate and demonstrative of your knowledge of the issue. So how was your experience in Thailand? Based on the photo you shared I'd imagine it was quite successful.
Do you understand that transitioning is not an attempt to become a sex object but rather to feel like a whole, complete person?
Suggesting that someone move to a country known for it's plastic surgery and posting an article about plastic surgery is a little tone deaf regarding this topic.
DarkTraveler777 wrote: Do you understand that transitioning is not an attempt to become a sex object but rather to feel like a whole, complete person?
Suggesting that someone move to a country known for it's plastic surgery and posting an article about plastic surgery is a little tone deaf regarding this topic.
Setting aside the fact that my post is obviously light-hearted jest, I don't really see the problem with aiming to build more beautiful women than less.
DarkTraveler777 wrote: Do you understand that transitioning is not an attempt to become a sex object but rather to feel like a whole, complete person?
Suggesting that someone move to a country known for it's plastic surgery and posting an article about plastic surgery is a little tone deaf regarding this topic.
Setting aside the fact that my post is obviously light-hearted jest, I don't really see the problem with aiming to build more beautiful women than less.
Oh, you are right. I was obviously laughing at your original contribution to this thread. Clearly the humor was evident.
Body dysmorphia is a serious issue. Self inflicted violence and violence from others is very common for people who suffer from body dysmorphia. So, again, your post was a little tone deaf. As for your second point, I have nothing for that. Just nothing.
DarkTraveler777 wrote: Body dysmorphia is a serious issue. Self inflicted violence and violence from others is very common for people who suffer from body dysmorphia.
I'm hardly concerned that my post is going to lead to bodily harm, and in the case that it does I really can't feel sympathy for anyone that humorless.
I think Kali that your joke of a serious issue not only suggests a small measure of ignorance of how bad Transgender people suffer from violence but also makes light of the serious issue of body dysphoria (is that the right term?) but implies its not a serious issue, which isnt that harmful until such a mindset spreads, which is why in places like certain parts of america its almost impossible for transgenders to live peacefully and safely as no one thinks what they go through is worth any mention or of any importance.
Basically I get what you meant, it was a joke and all but was a little tasteless for a joke. If you disagree well good for you.
trexmeyer wrote: I swear this is only made worse by the fact people have to proclaim it constantly.
Not sure who that's directed at, but does not help to contribute
Anyone that cares about someone else's sexual orientation is being insensitive, but that doesn't mean anyone wants to hear about it.
If you don't want to hear about it, don't open/post in threads on the topic. It's the simplest way to do it, and the way that will leave everyone happiest.
The Wee jest wasn't bad, a wee bit dry for a joke, but it was all in good form. Many transgender people are ridiculed for being themselves and that's something that just happens. People we cruel, get over it. As for everyone saying move to Thailand and that, that country is actually not known for great treatment for gender dysphoria. In terms of being identified as transgender, I'd rather just be called a woman and that's the end if it.
Dark apostle Bryan wrote: The Wee jest wasn't bad, a wee bit dry for a joke, but it was all in good form. Many transgender people are ridiculed for being themselves and that's something that just happens. People we cruel, get over it. As for everyone saying move to Thailand and that, that country is actually not known for great treatment for gender dysphoria. In terms of being identified as transgender, I'd rather just be called a woman and that's the end if it.
I'd maybe look at changing the thread title, in that case.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Would be weird to just say I'm a girl without giving any detail. I was more meaning in day to day life that I don't want to be called transgender for the rest of my life .
You say that now, but you may change your mind part way down the road. Never rule out the mights as a might might change the path Also if you would like a site that can be very suportive than PM me and I'll give you the address, there are no chasers, and its for folk that transistion or are on the path to it, its also a uk based page.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Would be weird to just say I'm a girl without giving any detail.
Not really, that's what most girls on here do...
I suppose if I have any advice, it would be that, if you wish to live as a woman, live as a woman. Don't live as a transgender person. Don't force people to accept you, just be, and take the rough with the smooth. You don't really need to come out to anyone other people who already knew you as male. Seeking validation from strangers is not something I would recommend, particularly on the internet; it forces people to take a position on the matter, which might be unpleasant for you, as we've already seen. People who are pretty much neutral on the issue, such as myself, might be inclined to think that you are engaging attention-seeking behaviour. People who are hostile towards transgender people, will act, well, hostile. Perhaps more so. People who take a favourable position will go all 'white knight' and start attacking the other two groups. I'm not seeing much of an upside, aside from neutrals going 'oh, well done, good for you etc.'...
And really, what's that worth? Just do you.
I was more meaning in day to day life that I don't want to be called transgender for the rest of my life .
Cool, fair enough. Just don't come out to every single person you meet and you should be fine. British people are a whole hell of a lot more tolerant on a personal level than we're given credit for, I feel. It's that whole 'fair play' thing; you're not hurting anyone, you should be free to live your life the way you choose.
Don't worry I'm not coming out to everyone. Only reason I did it on dakka so people I interact with know.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Didn't see the bit at the bottom sorry. It's worth a whole lot more
Than you believe. Just been accepted by people I interact with day to day makes me feel better about life in general. Might seem like a really stupid reason but it's true
Dark apostle Bryan wrote: Don't worry I'm not coming out to everyone. Only reason I did it on dakka so people I interact with know.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Didn't see the bit at the bottom sorry. It's worth a whole lot more
Than you believe. Just been accepted by people I interact with day to day makes me feel better about life in general. Might seem like a really stupid reason but it's true
It's not stupid at all, it's understandable. I can be a bit of sharer too. I enjoy that feedback from the world. Makes life interesting. However, taking that into consideration, it does appear that you are seeking validation from others in an attempt to get them to approve your choice, as opposed to them accepting your identity as a woman. There's a flipside to that coin, that's all I'm saying.
Take this discussion for example. If you come out to people, you will expose yourself to their opinions, for better or worse. Be ready for that.
Hey, the thread got nice again! Awesome. I'm impressed. +1 for the Dakka community.
PS: Still supportin' Bryan. Live long and prosper as whatever you need to be.
PPS: One of my favorite webcomics has gently introduced a transgender character and is now exploring the heterosexual male protagonist feeling attracted to her (her = now; was born male). I'm curious if you think the artist/writer is doing a good job.
If you are happier now as a woman, I am happy for you. Life is too short for someone to live a life that isn't true to themselves. Ignore the haters and know that there are people out there who respect those who are courageous enough to be themselves.
I'm so glad I'm not the only that thinks threads like this are asinine.
You poor man, how horrible it is that someone has broken into your house or place of work, put a gun to your head, and keeps forcing you to read this thread. Someone help poor trex!
On a more positive note, congratulations, Dark apostle. I'd imagine this must bring you a sense of freedom, and I hope your friends and family continue to support you being yourself.
Having went back through the rules, this seems like it's violating this one:
"Also, even though this is a forum for discussion about non-gaming topics, any thread started must still contain an actual topic for discussion. So for example, the following types of threads (and posts) would not be acceptable, even in this off-topic forum:
• 'Blog'-style thread about random things happening in your life."
Kali wrote: Having went back through the rules, this seems like it's violating this one:
"Also, even though this is a forum for discussion about non-gaming topics, any thread started must still contain an actual topic for discussion. So for example, the following types of threads (and posts) would not be acceptable, even in this off-topic forum:
• 'Blog'-style thread about random things happening in your life."
Well it kind of makes the whole "just don't read the thread" complaint invalid. I don't particularly care about enforcement, but that sort of argument irks me.
Kali wrote: Having went back through the rules, this seems like it's violating this one:
"Also, even though this is a forum for discussion about non-gaming topics, any thread started must still contain an actual topic for discussion. So for example, the following types of threads (and posts) would not be acceptable, even in this off-topic forum:
• 'Blog'-style thread about random things happening in your life."
Cute.
Considering we already had one mod post in here and the thread has carried on for 4 pages, clearly this thread is not violating forum discussion rules. But, if you are concerned there has been an infraction feel free to hit the yellow triangle of friendship and ask a mod to investigate.
Also, if you think a major life event like transitioning is akin to "random things happening in your life" well, you either have a very exciting, adrenaline-filled life, or you are demonstrating more of the apparently limitless ignorance that you trotted out in your previous postings in this discussion.
Me? I am going with the later rather than the former.
Kali wrote: Having went back through the rules, this seems like it's violating this one:
"Also, even though this is a forum for discussion about non-gaming topics, any thread started must still contain an actual topic for discussion. So for example, the following types of threads (and posts) would not be acceptable, even in this off-topic forum:
• 'Blog'-style thread about random things happening in your life."
Posting about coming out is not blog-style, and actually has a chance of creating discussion including, but not limited to how difficult it can be to make these transitions, how society sees them, the difficulty surrounding coming out in general, and multiple other potential discussions on LGBTQ+ subjects.
Instead of scouring the rules to find issues in things, how about you try and stimulate some on-topic discussion?
In future, if you think a post or thread breaks rules then use the little yellow triangle of friendship in the top right corner of the post and report it, don't post about it in the thread.
Avatar 720 wrote: Posting about coming out is not blog-style, and actually has a chance of creating discussion including, but not limited to how difficult it can be to make these transitions, how society sees them, the difficulty surrounding coming out in general, and multiple other potential discussions on LGBTQ+ subjects.
Well said and I think that sums it up. For those who don't want to read this thread there is always the option of not reading it. But as the topic of whether or not it should even be allowed is now settled as per this post all further debate on that matter is in violation of Rule 2. Thanks!
So - have you gotten your license and birth certificate changed, name change? My friend did all of that and she was worried it would be difficult but it was actually pretty easy; I suspect your milage varies considerably depend upon what state you live in.
Ignor those that are to insecure with their own sexulaity and gender that are being mean, the rest of us know that what you have done takes a huge amount of guts to do As some one said "Screw'em"
I told everybody today I was happy to be a man, it took some serious strength as it's basically a criminal thing to say online nowdays but somehow I managed it.
If you have questions feel free to ask as I'm not afraid to discuss.
Ribon Fox wrote: Ignor those that are to insecure with their own sexulaity and gender that are being mean...
That's a cheap shot, and one that has no basis in factual reality. It's just there to make LGBT people feel better.
I am 100% secure in my sexuality and gender, yet I've adopted a critical position. What else you got?
I've never actually understood that one myself, the requirement of being "insecure of their own sexuality" to dislike/hate or be critical of issues such as this.
He's flying the Union Jack, How do you know he's in Scotland?
Automatically Appended Next Post:
stanman wrote: I told everybody today I was happy to be a man, it took some serious strength as it's basically a criminal thing to say online nowdays but somehow I managed it.
Got a pair o' balls swinging and not afraid to say it. If you have questions feel free to ask as I'm not afraid to discuss.
Since when did "coming out as a man" have anything to do with this except trivalizing and joking about a hard prorcess for people in the LGBTQA+ community. Coming out as anything that is marginalized is not something to make light of by "coming out as a man"...sorry stanman but not classy, not classy at all
Perhaps we should all focus on either posting supportive comments for Brian or posting nothing at all? I know posts objecting to the posts objecting to the original post are meant to be helpful, but I strongly suspect they just perpetuate the debate....and I'll try to set an example by shutting up henceforth.
PS: Still supportin' Brian. We all need to figure out who to be.
SisterSydney wrote: Perhaps we should all focus on either posting supportive comments for Brian or posting nothing at all? I know posts objecting to the posts objecting to the original post are meant to be helpful, but I strongly suspect they just perpetuate the debate....and I'll try to set an example by shutting up henceforth.
PS: Still supportin' Brian. We all need to figure out who to be.
Haha I agree with you sorry for my involvement in perpetuating the debate...Well done Bryan super proud of you! I'm naming one of my warjacks after you....not sure what one but one of them shall henceforth be named Bryan
ATXMILEY wrote: You are no longer allowed to wargame because if you do not like big breasted skimpily dressed women then you are probably a Nazi /Sarcasm
I know this is on bingo card but don't know the rules of forum bingo.
Good luck to you. I have no idea what the side effects are, but I imagine the change you're embarking on isn't easy on the body, so take care of yourself.
SisterSydney wrote: Perhaps we should all focus on either posting supportive comments for Brian or posting nothing at all?
Well, wouldn't that be neat.
No, I'm pretty sure I have the right to express my opinion as long as it's on-topic (which it is) and as long as I do not violate Dakka Rule 1 (which I haven't).
Oh, I would never argue you don't have the right to express your opinion, here or elsewhere. I'm just saying, maybe we shouldn't exercise our rights here and now in this thread. It's kinda like how I wouldn't discuss immigration with my father-in-law -- not because I don't have the right to an opinion, but because the social dynamics of that specific situation go much, much more smoothly if I don't express it.
Albatross wrote: No, I'm pretty sure I have the right to express my opinion as long as it's on-topic (which it is) and as long as I do not violate Dakka Rule 1 (which I haven't).
Since it's recent and vaguely relevant, I'll just point out that "@sweepyface" said about her Twitter comments:
"I'm entitled to do that."
Just because you can, there's no requirement to do so.
@sweepyface's comments were abhorrent, but comments can easily get taken to mean more that intended.
No, I'm pretty sure I have the right to express my opinion as long as it's on-topic (which it is) and as long as I do not violate Dakka Rule 1 (which I haven't).
It might still be a rather rough approach and might be considered offensive :/
To me, there's two things here.
a) Transgender
b) Coming Out
I, personally, don't believe in the existence of a) and don't consider it a real thing but see it as something different I don't want to go in detail here.
BUT. Although I do take this stance, I still respect the OP for coming out - it still takes courage to reveal your "being different" to your loved ones and the public. And for that act, you can still respect someone; be it for the courage required to do so alone.
However the OT board isn't really set up for blogs or similar which one would suggest would perhaps be more suitable for you to chronicle your journey here..?
Hope all goes well though.
Don't think there's much the MODs can do for you here , but holler if we can.
).
