The stars have aligned, the time is drawing near, and after either 15 years (since Codex Witch Hunters) or 22 years since Codex Sisters of Battle the time (might) finally come for PLASTIC SISTERS!!!!!1ONE!!!
Or possibly not.
We have been fooled before.
So now for some completely false and made up rumors that are 100% as accurate as anything on Spiky Bits or Bell of Lost Souls.
1 - There will be a small retcon to the army, henceforth they will be known as the Brothers of Battle. No new models but you can use your Secundus Marines to represent them.
2 - The new plastic Sisters will actually be made of metal. And be one pose. And actually just reuse the sculpts from 22 years ago. And a squad will cost $75.
3 - After a perilous quest for a lost STC the Sisters have discovered... a second hair style!
4 - Three words: Adeptus Sororitas Primarus
5 - 20% more leather fetish.
6 - The sophisticated undercuts required for the sleeves requires the use of prohibited 4th dimensional geometry from the Liber Nemo Euclid. Unfortunately this results in the whole of Nottingham being sucked through a porthole into a netherhell.
7 - Sister Squads must be accompanied by a male priest known as a Frater Interpres whose job is explaining what's going on what they should do. If the Frater Interpres is killed the Sisters stand around and do nothing because they can't possibly understand things on their own.
8 - Roboute Guilliman learns about #metoo to his eternal regret.
9 - Special act of faith gives Sister squads a 3++ and -4 AP. Available only to people who made an all metal SoB army prior to 2019.
10 - By Sisters Codex we actually meant Codex Sisters of Silence. Sorry for the confusion.
6 - The sophisticated undercuts required for the sleeves requires the use of prohibited 4th dimensional geometry from the Liber Nemo Euclid. Unfortunately this results in the whole of Nottingham being sucked through a porthole into a netherhell.
Kid_Kyoto wrote: 2 - The new plastic Sisters will actually be made of metal. And be one pose. And actually just reuse the sculpts from 22 years ago. And a squad will cost $75.
I heard they will be cast in gold, and the price per squad was $75k.
Kid_Kyoto wrote: 2 - The new plastic Sisters will actually be made of metal. And be one pose. And actually just reuse the sculpts from 22 years ago. And a squad will cost $75.
I heard they will be cast in gold, and the price per squad was $75k.
Close, lead. The $75k is for insurance premiums down the road a bit.
14 - To go with the pipe organ missile tank, Sisters will get a bell tank with a sonic attack, a minaret tank that shoots lasers and a Taiko drum tank that fires earthshaker rounds. They can combine mid-battle to form a mobile cathedral.
15 - Sisters will get a new special character, an Eldar psyker riding a giant dung beetle. This is justified because, well, we gotta sell those $100 Ever Queen sets somehow.
16 - Sisters can include Catachan units in their army. A week later GW will make Catachans OOP. Note - Andy Hoare has a garden shed full of unopened Catachan kits and an ebay account. These facts are unrelated.
"14 - To go with the pipe organ missile tank, Sisters will get a bell tank with a sonic attack, a minaret tank that shoots lasers and a Taiko drum tank that fires earthshaker rounds. They can combine mid-battle to form a mobile cathedral. "
6 - Have you been to Nottingham? It is already in a netherhell!
7 - For 2 CPs you can use the 'Mansplaining' strategy, Sisters get to re-roll all bolter and melta weapon category misses as the penny finally drops on how to use them properly.
The above is meant in jest so no triggered rants please.
The codex turns out to be underwhelming and dull and even though the new models look great, the lack of any real gameplay reason to rush out and get the new hotness means they see relatively tepid sales and Sisters of Battle never get a new model or codex for the rest of time. GW blames lack of demand and insufficient player feedback.
6 - Have you been to Nottingham? It is already in a netherhell!
7 - For 2 CPs you can use the 'Mansplaining' strategy, Sisters get to re-roll all bolter and melta weapon category misses as the penny finally drops on how to use them properly.
The above is meant in jest so no triggered rants please.
Do I SMELL POLITICS IN THIS POLITICS FREE FORUM!
I BANNETH THEE!
Jokes aside, if we are overstepping here, for a short time, If you use mansplaining all male combatants suffer -1 to W, and all rolls of 1 generate attacks against missonaries, and own allied male combatants.
6 - Have you been to Nottingham? It is already in a netherhell!
7 - For 2 CPs you can use the 'Mansplaining' strategy, Sisters get to re-roll all bolter and melta weapon category misses as the penny finally drops on how to use them properly.
The above is meant in jest so no triggered rants please.
Do I SMELL POLITICS IN THIS POLITICS FREE FORUM!
I BANNETH THEE!
Jokes aside, if we are overstepping here, for a short time, If you use mansplaining all male combatants suffer -1 to W, and all rolls of 1 generate attacks against missonaries, and own allied male combatants.
Knights not painted pink also suffer -1 w
But, in the list building phase, if your knights or other male units identify as female, they are unaffected.
It will be the Codex Theyve Always been Waiting FOR!
(meaning it'll include tons of new content so unfairly denied to sisters players while also simultaneously being perfectly identical to the perfect and wonderful and the very best 2nd edition witchhunters book which was the best thing ever and nothing ever can compare)
Kid_Kyoto wrote: 2 - The new plastic Sisters will actually be made of metal. And be one pose. And actually just reuse the sculpts from 22 years ago. And a squad will cost $75.
Sisters will receive a comprehensive range of multi-part plastic kit updates for all their units, featuring lots of customisation and highly variable poses, masses of wargear options, a Canoness kit rivaling the old SM commander box, a few extra unit types including an elite power sword melee unit, and otherwise remain fairly close to their previous look and feel. Their rules will be strong across the board without being massively overpowered, and they will ably compete in the current meta without dominating it. They will also be event-exclusive at the next Games Day, be highly limited in supply and will not be available again after that.
The Sisters codex will come with a section containing church hymns which must be sung everytime an exorcist is fired, an act of faith is used, or Celestine does anything. Unique tactical objectives will also require hymn singing, IRL book-burnings, or 1-year overseas missionary voyages to score.
All of the new orders have taken vows of silence. In order to gain access to stratagem and acts of faith you must maintain strict silence during all games. This includes needing to use foam dice to ensure no harshrattles. Coincidentally, GW start selling soft-roll foam dice for £50 per pack of 10, at a mark up of around eleventy gazillion %. All new sisters minis are embedded with rfid sensors to ensure that any foam dice in the vicinity are geniluine GW dice otherwise the models all melt.
Adeptus Doritos wrote: 44. Not only will Sisters have boob plate, but we are going to see multiple options for various cup sizes.
With DD-sized cup being the smallest choice avalible.
Ofcourse there will also be an upgrade to Sororitas, for 1-2ppm you can increase the size and thanks to the heavier weight now the soroita turns into a more stable gun plattform, gaining +1 on their BS.
62. GW announce their whole SM range self identifies as Strong, Confident, Independant Women (who don’t wear robes to appease men), sell ‘Sororitas’ stickers to change the SM Codex text and welcome all pre-Primaris armies into the Sororitas fold.
Due to GW's long held understanding that Sisters sell badly, the new range will be chronically understocked and sell out in a week.
GW is releasing 'new' plastic sisters. However this is only for the exciting new units in the new Codex, there's no reason to replace the perfectly good metal sculpts, so you'll still have to buy basic sisters squads at current retail.
As no cannonesses wearing jump packs have seen any play recently, it was judged there was insufficent demand to release one.
All the 'New' units in the sisters Codex are in fact AdepMin units. There's four different poses of priest, and a full squad of 5pts per model sisters cultists! [All male.]
Since the Beta Acts of Faith rules were so unpopular, they have simply been removed.
73 - Sisters will get a new strategy, "Man Up" allowing them to replace any sisters unit with an equivalent Marine unit. This will cause great controversy among Sister players whether this should cost 3CP or 2CP.
74 - [Post stunningly obvious joke about 'red rage' that only works once a month. Get flamed for joke. Delete joke and deny ever posting it.]
75 - GW will finally embrace the gender fluidity themes of modern sci-fi and transhumanism, admit that the Emperor spent some time as a woman (also as an octopus, which led to *redacted*) and that Sisters are the long-lost female Space Marine chapter they always should have been. All Sisters get +1 WS, S, A, W. No points change.
-Even as we are slowly consumed by threads demanding GW make new plastic berserkers people will still insist they only see sisters players whining everywhere.
-Every codex released in Canada will be in French - not even Canadian French.
-It's all a lie, there are no plastic models, the Games Workshop Pied Piper is leading you all into a trap!
All the 'New' units in the sisters Codex are in fact AdepMin units. There's four different poses of priest, and a full squad of 5pts per model sisters cultists! [All male.]
Due to a spelling error, the army is designed as "Sistas of Battle". This is deemed wildly offensive and amid vigorous protests GW stock plummets. Wizards of the Coast buy the majority share and change their marketing strategy. No longer can you buy boxes with individual units for each army. The new method is expansion "packs" of "sets" of models. You buy a pack and get 5-10 infantry models for that set's armies or a super pack and get a random vehicle. Character packs and super packs get you characters in the same way.
Brotherjanus wrote: Due to a spelling error, the army is designed as "Sistas of Battle". This is deemed wildly offensive and amid vigorous protests GW stock plummets. Wizards of the Coast buy the majority share and change their marketing strategy. No long can you buy boxes with individual units for each army. The new method is expansion "packs" of "sets" of models. You buy a pack and get 5-10 infantry models for that set's armies or a super pack and get a random vehicle. Character packs and super packs get you characters in the same way.
Depending on how they price it, it may be better in the long run...
Besides, they already do this with the Space Marine Heroes set.
Brotherjanus wrote: Due to a spelling error, the army is designed as "Sistas of Battle". This is deemed wildly offensive and amid vigorous protests GW stock plummets. Wizards of the Coast buy the majority share and change their marketing strategy. No long can you buy boxes with individual units for each army. The new method is expansion "packs" of "sets" of models. You buy a pack and get 5-10 infantry models for that set's armies or a super pack and get a random vehicle. Character packs and super packs get you characters in the same way.
Depending on how they price it, it may be better in the long run...
Besides, they already do this with the Space Marine Heroes set.
Liar, we all know that there are only Primaris Leutnants!
83 - Like many recent releases Codex Sisters of Battle will be preceeded by a boardgame recreating one of the classic battles in SoB history. Massacre at Sanctuary 101 will pit a small force of Sisters against twice their number of Necrons. It will be the fairest and most balanced game since Lost Patrol.
84 - Sanctuary 101 will be followed by another boardgame focusing on the Sisters vs their arch enemies. Bloodtide will have a force of Sisters and a squad of Grey Knight terminators. Victory will be achieved by surrendering their pure blood as quickly as possible to coat the GK armor.
85 - Kev Walker, Jim Campbell will return to complete the story of Esphrael Stearn with Daemonifuge III- nah, too farfetched.
Turns out that the Emperor is actually a woman and the high lords of terra and primaris have been hiding this since the start of the Great Crusade. Alanis Morisette will henceforth do all the audio books.
Repentias now completely removed due to negatively impacting female reprasentation. Replaced by selfflagelating missonaries, ofcourse half nude and whipped in shape by the same handler as before as to not completely invalidate the old model with whip.
GW will take on board all the feedback from the beta to correct the codex to release the most internally and externally balanced codex that all competitive players of all armies will forever exalt as the benchmark standard of codex and rules writing. It shall make faithful sisters players weep with joy and the demand for sisters will outstrip all other 40k sales to the point that sisters become the new face of 40k and put the final nail in old marine coffin.
White dwarf will feature a SoB battle report and a single collectors plastic sister model.
Chaos Black paint is being renamed Martyred Lady Black.
The collectors edition of the codex will contain a foreward by Jes Goodwyn in High Gothic. Will also come with a High Gothic translation lexicon so the uneducated may be enlightened by Jes' words, and players be able to properly condemn enemies.
Sisters flamers will have a 12" range.
Metal sister models will have their own unique kickarse dataslate entries.
96-The new plastic sisters will see a slight redesign, favoring sports bras, leopard skin pants and mohawks. The art will focus on the Order of Our Lady of the Sacred Elixer based in the underhives of Necromunda.
97. The new SoB model that was displayed is correct, but seemed to be misinterpreted by the fans. It is not actually a standard bearer, but rather the hull ornament of a new Ork tank.
#98. Reports of sex crimes skyrocket as socially inept gamers overwhelm hobby stores with their new armies of questionable miniatures. Their crude humor and sexist attitudes spill out onto the streets during pop and chip runs where inadvertently real women are encountered. Reportedly the most often used hate speech quoted by victims is some variation of 'nice bolters'...
100 - The codex will revile that Sisters wear wigs, under their trademark bobs they're actually bald with scalps covered in wires and connections for their armor. (I could have sworn that was canon but apparently it's something I made up)
Moriarty wrote: I call BS - no gamer would ever voluntarily speak to a real woman.
Ah snap!
But we are brave enough to drop a crude one liner behind her back like Marbo chucking a demo charge after infiltrating onto a randomly determined board edge!
102 - The physiology of Sisters are not compatible with the Primarisfication surgery and therefore will not get any Primaris Sisters. A month after, Cawl will figure out how to Primarisfy Sisters.
Haha, Primaris Sisters. Or more likely Primaris Sistarii...
And they're 15ft tall so you look like a tool trying to play Primaris Feminatum Sistarii jetbikes alongside your woefully tiny and pitiful metal minis. Also the new Primaris Sistarii will be extremely bad for the environment somehow, thereby ensuring any women you meet will not only think you're some kind of fetishist but also ecologically irresponsible.
I heard GW was using Sisters as a way to put their historical critics in their place.
The ability of each unit will be directly linked to breast size.
They will all be modelled with fur, real fur, make from endangered animals.
The player in charge of the sisters will be allowed an extra 6 hours to pick War gear and it should be assumed they will arrive late.
Each sister squad will be led by a male Sargent. If this model is killed, the units will have to roll a dice each turn. On a 4+ the unit is unable to perform any actions that turn due to arguements over them all wearing the same outfit.
GW plans to release a series of follow up add on parts that allows you to change their hairstyles, outfits and accessories as well as a special line of paints for make up.
darkcloak wrote: Haha, Primaris Sisters. Or more likely Primaris Sistarii...
And they're 15ft tall so you look like a tool trying to play Primaris Feminatum Sistarii jetbikes alongside your woefully tiny and pitiful metal minis. Also the new Primaris Sistarii will be extremely bad for the environment somehow, thereby ensuring any women you meet will not only think you're some kind of fetishist but also ecologically irresponsible.
Darkcloak does of course mean that each primaris sistarii model is 15' tall and you can only buy them in squads of 20 and they come with 25mm bases as standard. Battlefoam resists requests to come out with a dedicated foam tray and instead moves into selling minibusses.
Oh no, they're fifteen feet tall in the fluff. It's confirmed on the holy grail of GW spoilers; Urban Conquest. If you zoom in on section G7 of the Urban Conquest Cover Art New Model Prophecy Quadrant Map you can clearly see what appears to be an elongated human form welding some sort of Bolter equivalent. Some people claim this discovery is nothing more than a blob of ink taken out of context due to the image being blown up so large but those people are weak willed heretics and must be purged.
The above point about the new scale of Primaris Sistarii is confirmed to be correct as well in an interview with Stan Abnett, Dan's younger wastrel brother who snuck into his office and used his computer for porn. Battlefoam has signed a deal to buy Greyhounds aging western Canada fleet at a reduced price but unfortunately the deal has taken much longer to process thanks to the postal strike.
In other news GW is set to launch yet another Primaris Space Marine line intended to bring the models back into line with the scale of the new Sistarii and fix some major anatomical issues such as 'having hips syndrome' and players constantly gluing their dudes arms on wrong so they look like monkeys.
The classic meme of a "cool mini" snapshot taken purely to capture the boobs in the background evolves. Players now sneakily take photos of minis to capture the 15" plastic Sistarii cleavage in the background. Cool mini, indeed.
112 - Due to a typo Living Saints will a troop type available in squads of 5-20. After seeing 2Q sales on Saint Celstine GW will see no need to fix this.
113 - Coming off GW's incredible advances in plastic kits the Sister kit will be a marvel of detail. Over 50 parts per model! The left arm alone will have separate pieces for the bicept, elbow guard, forearm, guantlet, hand and decorative skull.
114 - There will be no options for posing or changing weapons. Even the head will be locked in position.
124: Sisters will get a new vehicle that has options for a superheavy version of the bolt/flame/melta trinity of weapons, that is a cathedral on treads.
Melissia wrote: 124: Sisters will get a new vehicle that has options for a superheavy version of the bolt/flame/melta trinity of weapons, that is a cathedral on treads.
I'm not seeing anything here that's in any way made up or unlikely
A knight sized penitent engine might also fit the bill?
Also since SoB are somehow extremely offensive to modern young adults the new line will feature more gender neutral sculpts.
As a result there will no difference between Primaris Sistarii and Primaris Marines. In fact the only way to tell between the two lines is the abject stage horror shown by the owning player when you mistake a Sistarii for a Marine.
That and Primaris Sistarii will get a new dedicated transport. It will closely resemble a 1984 Camaro with FW providing custom Pheonix Rising hood and trunk panel replacements.
131 - GW will take an important step towards inclusion with the introduction of Battle Sister Artemis, the first (known) transgender special character.
Kid_Kyoto wrote: 131 - GW will take an important step towards inclusion with the introduction of Battle Sister Artemis, the first (known) transgender special character.
'Artemis! Unleash the righteous fury of your melta at that Tyranid creature!'
'Uh, excuse me! Did you just assume my armament???' :firesflamer:
Sisters of Battle may triple all attacks in cc and re-roll all failed hits and wounds. Costs 3 CP and only be used once per lunar cycle irrespective of how many games played during said cycle.
1 turn per game, maybe 2 if it's a long game, the Sisters have their Toughness halved and their Strength doubled. Also, no units in the Sisters army can charge or fire ranged weapons. Enemy units in this round can't charge or fire weapons at a Sisters unit either. Units already locked in combat may continue fighting. But they're jerks.
There are now the sisters primaris who are basically just female intercessors, they have a melta and multi melta based squad who have 24" range and higher damage. These sisters also have formed new convents that are based on none of the tenants of the original sisterhoods. They are led by a sister superior primaris, a psyker sister called a subjugator, and finally a wrist flamer wielding sister called a repentor.
Their army release wave only has 1 transport a repulsor with its heavy bolters swapped more a multi melta and no lascannon option. The punisher gatling cannon is rebranded and is the only turret gun.
The army still worships living saints and has a new living saint that doesn't have a ranged weapon and a 9" deep strike rule, and can't hurt anything over toughness 10 very well.
Games workshop will release a limited run of the primaris sisters boxes with upgrade sprues to not make them generic. That will then disappear from store shelves.
Non of the feedback about the current beat codex will be considered and the new book will just be the old book with the new models added in
GW will release so-called "Sororitas Inclusivity pack", that will contain one extremely obese female miniature, one Guardsman clad in Sororitas armor, one miniature with thick, round glasses and a herd of cats in the trail, one late-term pregnant female miniature and finally, a topless miniature posed as if she was screaming on top of her lungs while holding a banner. Transfer sheet with various empty phrases will be included.
