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Moriarty wrote:
I call BS - no gamer would ever voluntarily speak to a real woman.

Ah snap!

But we are brave enough to drop a crude one liner behind her back like Marbo chucking a demo charge after infiltrating onto a randomly determined board edge!

102 - The physiology of Sisters are not compatible with the Primarisfication surgery and therefore will not get any Primaris Sisters. A month after, Cawl will figure out how to Primarisfy Sisters.

Haha, Primaris Sisters. Or more likely Primaris Sistarii...

And they're 15ft tall so you look like a tool trying to play Primaris Feminatum Sistarii jetbikes alongside your woefully tiny and pitiful metal minis. Also the new Primaris Sistarii will be extremely bad for the environment somehow, thereby ensuring any women you meet will not only think you're some kind of fetishist but also ecologically irresponsible.

I heard GW was using Sisters as a way to put their historical critics in their place.
The ability of each unit will be directly linked to breast size.
They will all be modelled with fur, real fur, make from endangered animals.
The player in charge of the sisters will be allowed an extra 6 hours to pick War gear and it should be assumed they will arrive late.
Each sister squad will be led by a male Sargent. If this model is killed, the units will have to roll a dice each turn. On a 4+ the unit is unable to perform any actions that turn due to arguements over them all wearing the same outfit.
GW plans to release a series of follow up add on parts that allows you to change their hairstyles, outfits and accessories as well as a special line of paints for make up.

 darkcloak wrote:
Haha, Primaris Sisters. Or more likely Primaris Sistarii...

And they're 15ft tall so you look like a tool trying to play Primaris Feminatum Sistarii jetbikes alongside your woefully tiny and pitiful metal minis. Also the new Primaris Sistarii will be extremely bad for the environment somehow, thereby ensuring any women you meet will not only think you're some kind of fetishist but also ecologically irresponsible.

Darkcloak does of course mean that each primaris sistarii model is 15' tall and you can only buy them in squads of 20 and they come with 25mm bases as standard. Battlefoam resists requests to come out with a dedicated foam tray and instead moves into selling minibusses.

103 - Saint Praxedes will return. Her special CC finishing move will be a 720-degree Spinning Piledriver.

Oh no, they're fifteen feet tall in the fluff. It's confirmed on the holy grail of GW spoilers; Urban Conquest. If you zoom in on section G7 of the Urban Conquest Cover Art New Model Prophecy Quadrant Map you can clearly see what appears to be an elongated human form welding some sort of Bolter equivalent. Some people claim this discovery is nothing more than a blob of ink taken out of context due to the image being blown up so large but those people are weak willed heretics and must be purged.

The above point about the new scale of Primaris Sistarii is confirmed to be correct as well in an interview with Stan Abnett, Dan's younger wastrel brother who snuck into his office and used his computer for porn. Battlefoam has signed a deal to buy Greyhounds aging western Canada fleet at a reduced price but unfortunately the deal has taken much longer to process thanks to the postal strike.

In other news GW is set to launch yet another Primaris Space Marine line intended to bring the models back into line with the scale of the new Sistarii and fix some major anatomical issues such as 'having hips syndrome' and players constantly gluing their dudes arms on wrong so they look like monkeys.

104: Sisters will be able to take terrain as dedicated transports

don't @ me

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:
104: Sisters will be able to take terrain as dedicated transports

don't @ me

Sisters will be able to be taken as terrain! They still die when shot.

 darkcloak wrote:

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:
104: Sisters will be able to take terrain as dedicated transports

don't @ me

Sisters will be able to be taken as terrain! They still die when shot.

106: Sisters of Battle may choose to take the nearest enemy unit

No, that's it. They just take it. It belongs to you. Put the models in your foam tray and leave. Rules are rules.

The classic meme of a "cool mini" snapshot taken purely to capture the boobs in the background evolves. Players now sneakily take photos of minis to capture the 15" plastic Sistarii cleavage in the background. Cool mini, indeed.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:

 darkcloak wrote:

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:
104: Sisters will be able to take terrain as dedicated transports

don't @ me

Sisters will be able to be taken as terrain! They still die when shot.

106: Sisters of Battle may choose to take the nearest enemy unit

No, that's it. They just take it. It belongs to you. Put the models in your foam tray and leave. Rules are rules.

Debates rage as to whether this should cost 2cp or 3.

107: Sisters of Battle will only be available from Forge World

108: Forge World no longer shipping outside of UK

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:
107: Sisters of Battle will only be available from Forge World

108: Forge World no longer shipping outside of UK

109: exceptions for those willing to pay the sistarii sesterze.
200% more on top of shipping cost.

Spamming jetbike canonesses as part of soup will be the only reasonably competitive way to play.

The rest of the army will be GK tier.

 Ashiraya wrote:
Spamming jetbike canonesses as part of soup will be the only reasonably competitive way to play.

The rest of the army will be GK tier.

Don't forget you can use them for terrain as well, so really everyone can enjoy a $98 three model box of basic troops.

112 - Due to a typo Living Saints will a troop type available in squads of 5-20. After seeing 2Q sales on Saint Celstine GW will see no need to fix this.

113 - Coming off GW's incredible advances in plastic kits the Sister kit will be a marvel of detail. Over 50 parts per model! The left arm alone will have separate pieces for the bicept, elbow guard, forearm, guantlet, hand and decorative skull.

114 - There will be no options for posing or changing weapons. Even the head will be locked in position.

Surely you mean one of only _four_ positions?

The new sisters range will resurrect the old halfling hot pot concept. This will only work with a soup list. Obviously... *hangsheadinshame*


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Moriarty wrote:
Surely you mean one of only _four_ positions?

Sisters would only countenance a single position surely... nudge nudge wink wink say no more.

Apparently not, given the evidence of the metal efforts. Perhaps they have catholic tastes, but not Catholic.

And don't call me Shirley.

;-)

Moriarty wrote:
Apparently not, given the evidence of the metal efforts. Perhaps they have catholic tastes, but not Catholic.

And don't call me Shirley.

;-)

Heresey, we all know they are part of big E's personal retinue.

Definitely taller than primaris marines. That doesn't even need to be a rumour.

That would be the ‘stiletto effect’, then.

123 - The Mighty Ambull will be a heavy support choice. At $60 a model, they'll come in squads of 5-10.

124: Sisters will get a new vehicle that has options for a superheavy version of the bolt/flame/melta trinity of weapons, that is a cathedral on treads.

 Melissia wrote:
124: Sisters will get a new vehicle that has options for a superheavy version of the bolt/flame/melta trinity of weapons, that is a cathedral on treads.

I'm not seeing anything here that's in any way made up or unlikely

A knight sized penitent engine might also fit the bill?

Also since SoB are somehow extremely offensive to modern young adults the new line will feature more gender neutral sculpts.

As a result there will no difference between Primaris Sistarii and Primaris Marines. In fact the only way to tell between the two lines is the abject stage horror shown by the owning player when you mistake a Sistarii for a Marine.

That and Primaris Sistarii will get a new dedicated transport. It will closely resemble a 1984 Camaro with FW providing custom Pheonix Rising hood and trunk panel replacements.

They will have a Baneblade Variant that has a turret mounted Inferno Cannon and countless other flame weapons.

131 - GW will take an important step towards inclusion with the introduction of Battle Sister Artemis, the first (known) transgender special character.

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:
131 - GW will take an important step towards inclusion with the introduction of Battle Sister Artemis, the first (known) transgender special character.

'Artemis! Unleash the righteous fury of your melta at that Tyranid creature!'

'Uh, excuse me! Did you just assume my armament???' :firesflamer:

There! Now you see the Opresssion Inherent in the System!