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So, I'm off to see Watchmen at some point this week, and given it's somewhat mixed reviews, I have concoted a cunning plan to ensure I enjoy the film....

This idea came to me at 10 pm this evening when I inadvertantly caught the beginning of Elektra on Channel 4.

Essentially, I figure that if I deliberately watch something utterly piss poor first, then the chances of enjoying the next film I see go up considerably. Now my plan is slightly flawed at the moment, as for best practice, one should probably watch said crap film immediately before heading to the Cinema to watch the wishywashy not quite sure if it's that good film. Plus, depressed beyond belief by Elektra, I did switch channels for half an hour to watch Al Murray's Multiple Personality Disorder, having missed it's original airing.

So, I need to set a time and day for seeing Watchmen, and from my extensive collection of films (400+ VHS) select one suitably guaranteed to disappoint and make me want the time it took to watch it back (I'm thinking Thor The Conqeror ought to do the trick, as I have as yet been unable to watch it end to end successfully thus far)

What do you reckon? Is this a practice we as the human race should embrace in order to cut Hollywood a little slack with a film we desperately don't want to suck??

I mean, if I had watched Care Bears The Movie before seeing Star Wars Episode One, would Jar Jar have irked me so much, allowing me to fully appreciate the better bits (well, okay, I say better bits. I mean the Lightsaber duel at the end) without ever having been so utterly upset at it's abject rubbishness?

That...is the greatest movie-related idea I've ever heard.

I'll make a note to watch fifteen minutes of the movie Biodome before any movie I go to see in theaters.

That way, I'll never feel like I just wasted my money.

No no no.

You have to watch the whole crap film, from beginning to end, especially if like most of my films it's on VHS and comes replete with soul crushing trailers for even worse films you somehow want to hunt down and watch.

It's all about lowering your expectations as much as possible. I don't care if you have to Clockwork Orange yourself to make it to the end, the full subjection is all important to this theory working. You need to reach a critical mass of deep disappointment, otherwise there is a chance you might spot something in the target film you feel could have been better, be it a poorly delivered line (Yes Ms Berry, I'm looking at you for your crap repartee with Toad in the first X-Men film) a dodgy effect, or just an utterly banal plot.

Without genuine disappointment in your heart, the scheme might not work. If doing this with friends, apart from the natural sobbing, all must remain silent. You need to maintain the pretence that the intentional disappointment film is the pinnacle of the film makers art. No derision, no sarcastic comments, nobody trying to skip to the 'not quite so poop' bit.

Have you ever seen the movie Biodome?

Two words: Pauly Shore.

Me sitting through that movie required extreme intoxication (Not to the point where I actually enjoyed it, to the point where I couldn't move). Watching it sober would indeed require the Clockwork Orange eyelid clamps.

Fifteen minutes of that movie is enough to appreciate life itself more, let alone some potentially poor movie.

My friend, I have sat through all one and half hours of 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things'.

Sadly that is bad enough it put me off Movies for a month, so it's a tad strong for this little trick.

Matrix: Revolutions.

There you go.

And Jar Jar isn't what ruined Episode One. Episode One did it all by itself. Jar Jar
was just a useful scapegoat.

And now for the fine tuning....

I feel my two choices are especially good ones, seeing as the film I don't want to suck is a Super Hero Movie. Ergo, watching notably cack Super Hero Movies, reminds of just how bad they can get.

I suspect that if I instead primed my brain against disappointment by watching say, 'She's All That' or perhaps even 'High School Musical 27 : Boy We're Milking It Now) wouldn't work quite so well, seeing as they are different Genres.

What do you think Dakka? Is the correct mix of faecal film and Genre Jobby* essential in achieving the Critical Mass Of Crap?



*Jobby is a scottish slang for poop

Once again, Catwoman.

Also, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

There's a difference between being disappointed that a sequel (or prequel) didn't live up to the original, and having the urge to end your life to make the movie, and all memory of said movie, stop.

The latter is what MDG's looking for, I think.

I'll have to disqualify Mr and Mrs Smith for the same reason I disqualify Episode One...it has a redeeming feature.

Episode One has the Lightsaber Duel, whereas of course, Mr and Mrs Smith has Angelina Jolie in lovely lovely Lingerie looking hot. Ergo, on some level, there is a risk I might introduce enjoyment to the equation.

Likewise with Matrix Reloaded (that is the second one?) as Elrond has the brilliant dialogue...

Agent : YOU!
Smith : Yes. Me. *sticks hand in* Me, Me, Me, Me, Me
Newly created Smith : Me too.

See, a single decent line which prevents full disappointment being achieved.

Chrysaor686 wrote:There's a difference between being disappointed that a sequel (or prequel) didn't live up to the original, and having the urge to end your life to make the movie, and all memory of said movie, stop.

The latter is what MDG's looking for, I think.

True, but sometimes bad sequels make you beg for euthanasia.

-Highlander 2

Indeed they do.

However, an interesting point on the Genre Importance...

If it's a sequel you are hoping beyond belief to not find utterly sucky, should you seek out a sequel of magnificent suckitude to an original that was genius?

For example, I highly enjoyed Robocop. Not everyones taste but love it. So perhaps, before going to see Transformers, Revenge of The Fallen, I should seek out Robocop 3.

It ticks the three boxes....

1. Genre Match (Robotic Sci-fi)
2. Crap film in it's own right.
3. A sequel which brings the brilliance of the original into disrepute with is gargantuan Celluloid Flatulence...

Well then, MDG. Before you go see Watchmen, I highly suggest that you sit down and watch Batman and Robin. It fits the three criteria, as outlined by your theory:

1. Genre Match (Superhero Movie)
2. Crap film in it's own right.
3. A sequel which brings the brilliance of the original into disrepute with is gargantuan Celluloid Flatulence (Or something to that effect)...

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:My friend, I have sat through all one and half hours of 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things'.

Sadly that is bad enough it put me off Movies for a month, so it's a tad strong for this little trick.

Hey wait, I actually liked " Children shouldn't play with dead things" Hippies and zombies,what more could you want in a movie???
Sorry,I have a deep love for terrible horror films,give me a Lucio Fulci marathon and I'm in heaven.
More on topic however I'll go with Batman & Robin for my personal choice for "movie most likely to make me dig my own eyes out" so watching anything after it would be a step up.

Ah, but Watchmen is not a sequel.

If only I had Daredevil, that would fit the Bill of Bab quite nicely....

I think I shall stick with Thor the Conqueror, as I am confident it's level of banality is suitably high, and it's the worst film I can think of. I might have a better (Well, worse) example, but that involves going through the entire collection, rearranging the dresser as I go (stacked 3 deep and lots high!) and I simply cannot be arsed.

The Punisher with Dolph Lundgren.

Oooh, I think I might have that somewhere.

It's especially suitable, as it's meant to be about a sociopathic non-powered super hero who is actually a bit of bastard.....

Hmm. Can't believe I might be putting effort beyond sticking the tape up the spout to watch it. I mean, I have to actually dig it out... Though perhaps the effort will go some way to replicating the requisite fannying around of getting to our only Cinema for 15 miles, which is neatly positioned out of town with no reliable Bus Route? Hmmm.

Nice one Malf! However, you are completely sure it is completely devoid of any redeeming feature whatsoever? No satisfyingly bouncy and totally gratuitous boobs? Because I need to lower my expectations so utterly that even the merest hint of a decent bit in the target film (in this case, Watchmen) will be seized upon with unholy enthusiasm?

*Edited for additions and prose*

Still, I think it's relative that you pick a superhero movie, to make you appreciate Watchmen even more (A very good point you brought up).

Batman & Robin is astronomically worse than Daredevil, even if Watchmen is not a sequel.

EDIT: Ack, late post.

Thing is, and I am shocked at the amount of fine tuning such a staringly obvious solution involves, the problem in this case with Batman and Robin is that it is a sequel to two very good predecessors.

You see, during it's interminable length, I will no doubt think back to Tim Burton's take on Batman, thus introducing a rogue element of enjoyment. The experiment is therefore foiled, as however obtusely, a level of enjoyment has been introduced to the equation, unbalancing it totally.

But for Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen, it might just do.

I got stuck watching Bewitched on a plane. For about a fortnight afterwards I enjoyed every movie I saw, so I can say there is merit to your idea.

Mdg I would like to recommend you watch a farcical comedy that lampoons the utter banality of life prior to the Watchmen. See you could go for opposite ends of the spectrum. Why waste your time on utter tripe when you could use this as an opportunity to enlighten yourself. I recommend you watch either Straw Dogs or The Wild Bunch, both were directed by the immortal Sam Peckinpah (spelling?) and have more than their fair shAre of über violence and a couple of rape scenes. My favorite part in the latter is when the desparados gun down an entire army of Mexican bandits with a Gatling gun while dying in the process. It's extremely graphic and very disturbing to say the least. Sam was obviouly way ahead of his time.

If I were you I wouldn't waste your time on Daredevil as I think you would miss the point. The protagonist is surrounded by a world of utter darkness after being blinded by a freak accident. He takes control of his life and makes something out of himself. Throughout all the pain he must suffer to abide by sense of justice he is able to maintain a sense of well being and happiness, helping others less fortunate than himself. He is a quinessential hero sacrificing himself many times throughout the movie to help others. That just does not come across as a movie you would ever enjoy knowing you and how you view the world around you.

G

Did....did i just get flamed?

I dislike Daredevil not for the concept of the character, but for the crap acting, script, effects, casting and direction.

I mean, Daredevil doesn't even beat up Bullseye. He gets lucky and (from memory) the Police blow Bullseye away. For example, the only bit I found good is when Daredevil gets tonked between the eyes by the collection plate. I shouldn't be applauding the hero getting beaten up, should I?

The whole point of this is that if I watch a good film like Straw Dogs, then I raise my level of expectation, thus any flaws in the target film are magnified appropriately, meaning even a largely mediocre film (which i can deal with. Nothing wrong with mediocre. After all, if everything was brilliant, how could we tell?) seems a steaming pile of poo.

No, it has to be an utterly futile celluloid effort which sucks on many, many levels.

Twilight?

Haven't seen it. Nor do I want to!

And another potential complication needing a bit of chinwagging over... The Dreaded Remake.

For example, Friday The 13th and Hellraiser have either been remade, or are being remade.

So how to fend off disappointment with this? Would genre be terribly important? I can think of two examples of 'what was the point in that' remakes, namely Planet of the Apes (still, Tim Burton has now got his crap film out the way, so there is a saving grace there) and of course, The Italian Job.

The Italian Job is a particularly good example of 'WHY GOD! WHY' remake. The original is a truly iconic film of it's time, which even though attitudes, fashions etc have changed immensely since it was made, the original Italian Job remains a true classic. The remake however, was terrible. I mean, it's not even set in Italy, and the cast to a man lack any kind of charisma! So in terms of reminding myself of just how bad, pointless, and demeaning remakes can be to the original, either is a fair choice.

But in terms of Hellraiser, which I consider one of the finest horror films ever made, that is all they have in common. Would this be enough, or should I seek a crap, pointless and original demeaning remake of a Horror film. Which I struggle to think of an example for (I quite enjoyed House on Haunted Hill and The Haunting does have Catherine 'PHWOAR!' Zeta Jones...

Any suggestions to immunise myself against Horror Remake, well, Horrors?

The new War of the Worlds sucked too.

Although it was funny seeing Tom Cruise fight space aliens, since apparently he does that in real life.

To be honest, I enjoyed it more than I expected.

The worst bit is the ending where it turns out that,

However, I would dearly love to see a proper version made, as in set in Britain, in Victorian times, like the book. Only reason for this is that I am a Victoriana Junky (no, not bloody steampunk. Era was fascinating enough without making stuff up) and want to see the book brought to life as faithfully as possible. The Time Machine (both of them) were good attempts!

Daredevil was indeed a great movie. Too bad you didn't like it. One of my favorites scenes was when DD submersed himself In a sensory depravation chamber while crunching on painkillers. If I remember correctly DD had a big smile on his face as the chamber closed down upon him. DD knew when to keep the world safely at arm's length. DD did in fact defeat Bullseye manipulating his adversary such that Bullseye caught a bullet through the palm of his favored throwing hand thereby disabling him for life. The bully then begged for mercy but DD killed him, thus enacting justice through revenge. It was a timely scene as well. Ben is a solid actor and played the role well. In a sense he is a Batman in the Marvel world, others have said the same things about Moon Knight.

I've always regarded The Punisher as the Batman of Marvel.

But each to their own.

Now, in the name of everyone appreciating differences of opinion, and a daft idea, do you reckon my Fool Proof Film plan, if the appropriate film for the viewer is chosen, would work? Is genre important? How close a match of film type (adaptation, sequel, remake etc) matter?

Sod genre matching. Watch Elizabethtown. I sat through all two bustard hours of the thing last night, it has no plot, it's like a deleted scenes reel. The acting was terrible, you never knew what the hell was going on, the main character is Orlando Bloody Bloom being a right ponce with one of the most bizzarre accents I've ever heard, and NOTHING HAPPENS. For the whole film. It's trying to be all dark and moody, but it's just utter crap.

That, or Pearl Harbour. Or Green Street, that has another of the fellowship in it. They're making Green Street 2...

Green Street? Never heard of it.

Is also worth mentioning the god awful 'Spy Game'.

Robert Redford and Brad Pitt in their most embarassing roles ever. At one point, Pitt's character is being beaten and interrogated. So much did I loathe that film, I had to fight the urge to scream 'HARDER! HARDER! LEARN HIM GOOD FOR WASTING MY TIME AND MONEY!'