An armed society.......

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**Lint**

I thought everybody would enjoy this. It's from craigslist.com, I saw it in the "bestofcraigslist" section, but I think it started out in "missed connections" which I think is hilarious. Enjoy......

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants.. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to you are buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bu nch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what’s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

**Orkeosaurus**

I bet $20 this never happened.

**Lint**

Maybe, maybe not. I think the gun part probably did, and probably the shoes and phone too. It's actually kind of a smart thing to do. As for the rest..... meh..... good read though.

**Lord-Loss**

What A Dick!

He could have just called the Police, I hate people like this.

**Orkeosaurus**

Yeah, my guess is that the guy took the phone and the shoes and that's it, and then after posting his story someone else came along and embellished it with more wacky hijinx.

**Frazzled**

Its an old story or whatever. Good choice for 1911 though.

**Shaman**

This is dumb..

Didnt happen.

Also what theif carries their wallet around.. scumbags never have ID.

**jp400**

Rofl.

This made my day... sounds like something I would do.

I love my Colt 1911A1!!!

Automatically Appended Next Post:

Shaman wrote:This is dumb..

Didnt happen.

Also what theif carries their wallet around.. scumbags never have ID.

Prove it.

**Frazzled**

Thieves have left their wallets at banks they were robbing, or given their actual checking account #s. Dumb stuff haws indeed happened. But yea I think its bogus, however realistic. Let me rephrase realistic in that GG had kimber under jacket. Unrealistic in BG still breathing.

Remember, always fire a warning shot center mass and give verbal warning:
Texas approved version:
"Don't Make me shoot you again!"

Automatically Appended Next Post:

jp400 wrote:Rofl.

This made my day... sounds like something I would do.

I love my Colt 1911A1!!!

GI sights, mil spec, or something better?

**Orkeosaurus**

Lord-Loss wrote:What A Dick!

Really, I have to agree. This guy's story is even worse:

To the Chaos Marine Who Tried to Invade Craftworld Ulthwe the night before last. Date: M41, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black and white robe that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the chainsword on me and my warlock, threatening our lives. You also asked for my warlock's staff and rune armor. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I ravaged your mind after you took my robe. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the ghosthelm for a reason. My warlock had just bought me that Staff of Ulthamar for my birthday, and we had picked up a Rune of Warding for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when used to destroy the inside of your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your power armor.. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your greaves, vox caster, and icon of chaos glory with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your legion to come help invade us again].

After I called Abaddon, or "Abby" as you had him listed in your vox, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big land raider took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your greaves to a squat outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the severed heads on your icon. [That made his day!]

I then threw your icon into the big red "Battlewagon" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of Slaaneshi numbers from your vox caster. Lucius the Eternal just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what’s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the Dark Angels' fortress monastery and one to the Ordo Malleus, while mentioning the God Emperor of Man as my possible target.

The Inquisitor seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Eldrad Ulthran

P.S. Remember this motto ... A race of psykers makes for a more civil society!

**Lord-Loss**

ROFL, thats full of win.

**Shaman**

jp400 you cant prove something like this.. enjoy your fantasy.

**Frazzled**

Shaman wrote:jp400 you cant prove something like this.. enjoy your fantasy.

Whats the fantasy? The phone part is stupid and fake etc. However the essential underpinning (GG stops BG from mugging him with a Kimber) is highly reasonable. The CHLer defending himself from a mugging is the whole freaking point of a CHL.

**jp400**

@ Fraz: I will take D: All the above!

I will Pm you some pics later of it, due to I dont really want to show it off to the general public.

Its Ma Baby!

@ Ork: Rofl!

@ Shaman: Read Frazzled's post below yours.

**Frazzled**

jp400 wrote:@ Fraz: I will take D: All the above!

I am not worthy...

**Khornholio**

Everyone in society should be armed...with the power of Kung-Fu.

**Anshal**

Fail... notting more to say

**Orkeosaurus**

What? It sounds like a good idea to me.

**Kilkrazy**

Society would be much more civil if everyone had a 10 megaton hydrogen bomb of their very own.

**Orkeosaurus**

And the option to purchase any two psychic powers for the point costs listed below.

**Lint**

Orkeosaurus, I love you.

**Orkeosaurus**

: )

**Frazzled**

All I want is vortex grenade. Is that too much to ask?

**Falconlance**

Some people get it, some people don't. When I was 9 I watched two druggies mug my dad right in front of me and my little brother. I wish I had weapon.

Even knowing this, my British girlfriend still has a hissy-fit when I even MENTION my desire to own a firearm. I guess its just a cultural difference that cannot be reconciled.

**Orkeosaurus**

My mom and dad were killed in front of me by a mugger when I was a kid. I wish I had a bunch of bat-shaped throwing knives.

**Cheese Elemental**

Orkeosaurus wrote:My mom and dad were killed in front of me by a mugger when I was a kid. I wish I had a bunch of bat-shaped throwing knives.

You shoud become some kind of vigilante. Make sure you have a costume and a cool name though.

**Kanluwen**

That's taking it too far Ork.

But now I'm seeing a Procompsognathus dressed in tight leather.

And my brain now hurts.

**Orkeosaurus**

Cheese Elemental wrote:You shoud become some kind of vigilante. Make sure you have a costume and a cool name though.

I will be a man... who dresses up like a bat. And I will call myself THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

Kanluwen wrote:That's taking it too far Ork.

But you can't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing!

**Kanluwen**

I was thinking more of building myself a powered suit of armor that fires lasers.

JUSTICE LASERS!

**Albatross**

Aaaaaand.... Orkeosaurus just became my favourite Dakka poster.