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So, spinning off from the thread about a Father doing his Fatherly duty (what, I'm not *that* lefty liberal!) I felt it was time to discuss how best to deal with Bullies, either as a parent of friend of someone being bullied, or as a victim.

First up, please post in the poll so we can see how many were actually bullied, and how many might have actually been the bully etc. I would ask that people not have a go at former Bullies, as from personal experience they aren't always aware of the consequences of their actions. I have also allowed multiple choice answers, as personally, I been on both ends of the stick, and I don't think I'd be the only one!

So, how to deal with them? Does it depend on the nature of the bullying, from allegedly light hearted jappery getting a bit out of hand and personal, to concerted and very deliberate campaigns to make someones life hell for their folly of not quite being what the bully sees as 'normal'.

My story goes as follows. In Primary School (age 5-11) I was something of a bully. My friends and I were the in-crowd, and though things rarely got physical, we did more than our fair share of name calling, chair pulling, book hiding behaviour. Occasionally we would go too far, and wind up in trouble, in fisticuffs, or both. I won't claim this was 'negligible' as to my mind, bullying is bullying. We may not have really understood the consequences, but we knew some kids got really upset, so we just went after them all the more. Then came the move to England, where to my dismay, the boot was truly on the other foot, and from the ages of 11-16, I was the one being bullied regularly, by dint of being quite small and weak at the time (more on this later). Perhaps it's a little self defending, but I considered the Secondary School bullying a lot worse than primary school. From constant verbal taunting, to being beaten up or having ciggies put out on my uniform, I was pretty fething miserable. Sadly, this also continued at home, as my brother received much the same treatment, and decided to take his frustrations out on me.

So eventually the arseholes that made my life difficult left school, and I continued on to 6th Form and College, where my confidence grew and the bullying ceased. Never did anything in retaliation, barring the odd pasting of a crap bully who found out I could fight dirty (testicles gentlemen...testicles) whilst at school, but after education, things started to change. For a start, around the age of 16 what happens happened, and I shot up from a little over 5'4" to 6'3" in what seemed like a few weeks (ouch..seriously ouch) and inexplicably put on a fair bit of muscle. So about a year out of school, I'm enjoying a pint with new friends in the pub, minding my own business. And what do I hear from behind me? Why, one of my former Bullies declaring he knew I was in 'his' Pub, and he was going to 'feth me up' for daring to drink in 'his' pub. Now I'd not seen this particular little cock-knocker for about 2ish years. So when I literarly stood up to him, he looked a little shocked, before the back pedaling kicked in. Quite a few years of anger and frustration almost came out, but in the end, I went with the humiliation route, pointing out his sudden reluctance to 'feth me up' now I wasn't notably smaller and weaker than him, and also had some friends to back me up. This was done quite loudly and publicly, so all would know that he was a pathetic little urchin whose reputation for being 'well hard' stemmed from his previously unfailing ability to seek out targets that were very much less than challenging.

Now, if only I had done that a few years ago in class, whilst I was still smaller and weaker than him. Pointed out it was he who was the pussy, and not me. Would I still have got me head kicked in? Possibly, I dunno. But passive resistance has always been my thing, and this is something I preach to the younger kids I know. Hell, even confronted one of their bullies when he came into the GW I was playing in to try and pick on the kid there. He left with his tail between his legs, and as far as I know, hasn't hassled the kid in question since.

So that's my take Dakka, how about yours?

I caught a lot of gak as a younger kid, but I don't think it was more than average.

Just your run of the mill "big kids hassling the young kids" sort of deal. I lived in a rather backward and ignorant part of the country as well, I don't know if that made it better or worse. I only can recall 1 or 2 times that I actually had someone put their hands on me, and it wasn't that big of a deal. Even when I was getting "bullied" I always sort of felt superior to the big idiots that were getting enjoyment out of messing with kids that couldn't really fight back.

I tell me daughters not to give a feth what people think or say about them, and to just be themselves. Ignore the idiots, because your life is going to be full of them. That said, they have my full permission to hit, bite, kick and eye-gouge to defend themselves if need be.

Luckily they haven't really been physically harmed as far as I know, but I guarantee I'll probably be on the news myself if they're getting hurt by other kids and the school isn't doing anything about it.

A full auto weiner dog makes every man 6 feet tall.



Strangely enough physical bullying is a school phenomena. I've not seen it outside school much. Maybe the stakes are higher or people are more adult.

I went to public and private schools, and have been out in society - hence I have been bullied. It is unavoidable. Some people are just miserable. Some are looking to entertain themselves. I don't blame them but I would have a personal problem if I didn't think I could cope with the fact that there are arseholes pretty much everywhere.

Identifying and dealing with the offenders is something that can be done from a position of authority, but simple personal confidence and a practiced right-hook for emergency situations will get you a long way.

Be thankful that you only have to deal with bullies, and that you don't live in Columbia or Congo having to deal with armed militia and paramilitary types. On the other hand, if where you live is simply a miserable shithole then you have three choices:
1) Be a victim
2) Become Batman
3) Get the hell out of there!

I was bullied when i was in middle school.

My Mom and Dad eventually said if they do it again just beat the gak out of them.

Sure enough the bully walked up and started making fun of me, He took a right hook to the jaw and went down crying his eyes out. I got suspended for a day, played video games all day, and was never given gak again.

ShivanAngel wrote:
My Mom and Dad eventually said if they do it again just beat the gak out of them.

Sure enough the bully walked up and started making fun of me, He took a right hook to the jaw and went down crying his eyes out. I got suspended for a day, played video games all day, and was never given gak again.

Sometimes it works out like that.

Sometimes you hit the bully and knock him down, he gets back up and whips your ass for you. Yeah, that happened. Even then, IIRC, things got better. If someone knows that they're going to get punched in the face it will give them pause, even if they could probably wipe the floor with you afterward.

That's exactly it. If they know you're not an easy mark, then you're not worth the trouble.

I didn't get bullied a lot because I had a smart mouth and my dad taught me the correct method of schoolyard problem resolution - apply fist liberally.

In... seventh grade I believe... me and my mates had our usual 'hangout' at lunchtime. It was where we sat. If other kids were there we'd tell them to clear off. If they were bigger and meaner than us we'd only try once, and we'd have to go somewhere else.
We had this great hangout along the rear of one of the main building blocks and a long concrete footpath. The next 'hangout' was about 25-30 metres down the path, and one day they threw an apple at us.

It hit the ground an exploded, covering our bags and gear with... well, apple. So we threw an apple or orange or something back. That's where it began to escalate.
Over the following weeks we would actually bring ammunition to school. We asked our parents for extra fruit for lunch - they were surely delighted. Soon we were stealing potatoes, tomatoes, cobs of corn when they came into season and I could steal them right out of the field down the road (rural town). Stale bread. Waterbombs and clods of dirt alike. We'd approach from different angles and aim something ridiculous like a cabbage at the building wall above their heads. It became absolutely insane.

There was so much food debris between our two hangouts you could have prepared a small community dinner instead - but this was so much more fun.

There were no tears, little anger, and fun was had all around. That's what bullying should be like.

I got into alot of fights as a kid with bullies. I would stand up for myself and fight the bullies. Most of my fights I won some I lost regrettably because of gang ups.

I don't respect bullies but I don't respect people who don't stand up to bullies.

You can't expect it to go away unless you do something about it.

In my military training they taught us to present ourselves as "hard targets" when/if we were to go in the cities/towns on patrols. Being a hard target meant always being aware of your surroundings, weapon at the ready, not just slouching around with your hands in your pocket, etc. Basically ready to react and fire back at the enemy in a moments notice. I've never actually had to go on patrols due to the nature of my career field, however, the principle still applies outside of the military. If you are a "hard target" you are less likely to be picked on/targeted.

Up until about 7th grade, I was the victim. I lost my baby fat very late, and was teased and bullied relentlessly for it for most of my young life. This is despite going to the level of parental interventions and whatnot. Hit my growth spurt summer between 6th and 7th, and spent most of 7th and 8th grades largely in the principals office for violently enacting vengeance, and generally explosive reactions to any slight.

By high school, I was on the other side. I was completely the aggressor. I was a very angry kid at the time. Parents were going through a rough divorce, financial stability was up in the air, and despite how gakky things were, I was still expected to be some kind of child prodigy in school. Add to that the Alpha-Male reputation I earned from both my male peers and females (wink wink, nudge nudge), it's not hard to see, I think, how easy it was for me to slip into a pattern of violence.

I graduated high school, and by tat time things were a bit better at home. Joining the military, though not a great experience for me, did, at the very least teach me some self discipline. Add to that the fact that I'm no longer a minor, and can be charged for assault as an adult, I've calmed down quite a bit.

Probably not helpful to the OP's question, but damn if that wasn't therapeutic.

Bullying, yep, I was bully'd pretty badly when I was younger, first day of grade seven, had the crap kicked out of me by a grade 9 student, then spent the next two years hiding in the library each break so he wouldn't get me, although he delighted in throwing his elbow in my face as we passed in the corridoor, when he left year 10 I though I was free, so i ventured into the yard again only to become the victim of more bully's constant name calling and shoving but not too bad like the last guy, until i snapped and lashed out to make them stop....bad idea, now i was the skinny crying kid that they got a reaction from! so it just went on and on until i left grade ten, although in my break between schools i was attacked by a gang of youths in a local store and damaged some bones in my face and jaw and eye sockets, not much luck hey? al because I was skinny and quiet and kept to myself, now i've learnt the secret is self confidence! yes that's right! get some now! I looked at the people doing this and the people they didn't mess with so I took it apon myself to re create my life, I shaved my head (tough guys have shaved heads) I grew a beard (tough guys have beards) I worked out and drank protein shakes every day (tough guys are buff) and then i started doing martial arts (tough guys...anyway) so in the end I went from a skinny quiet kid with a boy band haircut, to someone who had confidence and looked like they knew how to handle themselves and in reality I probably did, but deep down i was still the kid who doesn't like confrontation and was sick of being picked on, some people just need to bully someone to feel whole, they need the rush of being 'better' than someone, I saw one of my tormentors years after, and when he saw me all i said to him was "I do believe I owe you a beating from when we went to school?" and smiled, the look on his face was priceless! he ended up working at my work for a few years but was always super friendly towards me, so is bullying a kids thing? or do we each have our own methods for getting to the light at the end of the bullying tunnel? and how do we stop it? is it getting worse for the youth of today? I( was lucky but i keep hearing about the poor kids/adults who take their own life because of someone else and no one should feel that helpless, if I had children who were being bullied I wouldn't hesitate to push the envelope and confront the bully's and the parents until it was resolved. if I could i'd become an advocate for anti bullying behavior I don't think it has a place in todays society, it was a hell of a decade for me and I wouldn't wish it apon anyone, I do have to say though that I wouldn't be who I was and as strong if I didn't have to fight my way through the pain it caused, but it still isn't good, fun or right.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Wow, sorry for ranting on there guys, it didn't seem so long before!

I was a violent kid. VERY violent. I was a seething mass of hatred, and sent a kid to hospital with a broken collar-bone when I was in primary school. I used to fight all the time, to such a degree that I was sent to a child psychologist for a fairly protracted period. These weren't like normal kiddy fights - people (including myself) got injured.

It's important to note that I wasn't a bully at all. I didn't pick on anyone, and I wasn't particularly big and strong then, just a lunatic. If someone wanted it, I would give it to them. Also, I lived in a pretty crappy area.

After a while, I learnt to control myself much better, and hardly had a fight with anyone at school during my entire time at secondary. I guess I just didn't give off 'victim' vibes - I was still pretty hostile.

I still don't really fight. I never need to. No-one gives me any gak, and I don't go looking for it.


So yeah, I answered 'never been a bully or been bullied'.

I was bullied quite extensively in all three schools I went to.

Elementary school: My mom was the secretary, which meant I was the best target for the kids. It didn't help that at the time I was too stupid to realize much of what was going on.

6th grade: The kids who had been bullying me's parents were the teachers/staff, and since their parents weren't like mine, they got away with bloody murder. I once got grabbed and dragged down the hall while these bastards were choking me, did the one thing I could do at the time -bite the hand of the guy who was choking me (drew blood, too) - and yet I got in trouble for it, and got made fun of even more because "only babies bite".

Then on I went to a new school, and people left me alone for the most part because I just didn't put myself out there, and the few people who did try to do anything quickly landed with their face on the ground. I found it rather nice that my dad started teaching me a few cop tricks and my brothers were both in wrestling, one was even in Judo. Bullying got really bad right before I graduated, almost to the point where I lost control and would have gone on figurative killing spree, I would start walking towards people before I realized what I was about to do. The good news was that I actually had some stable friends at the time, so I was actually able to keep myself in check, since most of them where girls and didn't really beleive in fighting.

Never have gotten buillied or buillied. Only got lil teased for being shorter than everybody throughout elementary and high school. Even though I was always shorter, never really got buillied on because I was always naturally stronger than my classmates. When high school came around I was always at the gym, did wrestling, karate and was friends with the biggest football player .

Everyone thought I was gay back in middle school. Which was funny about a year later when I was the first guy with a girlfriend... <,<

@ Slarg232: Wow man, your Mom worked at the school AND your Dad was a cop. I can't even imagine the crap you were put through at school. In mine the Principals only son was expelled for his own safety because of the crap he took.

As for me I was a bully. I was brought up knowing what fighting was supposed to be, two people settling a dispute by causing physical harm to eachother. But at the same time my older brother and I thought of fighting as something you do with friends as a sport, "Pain is how you know that you're alive" and such. At first the thought of fighting someone you don't like just didn't make sense to me, after all how did you know they wouldn't go overboard and kick you in the groin or gouge your eyes etc. it was better to avoid conflict.

That lasted until about the 6th grade when I had seen enough to put it together. I started picking on certain groups of people italians mostly because they were a majority and an elitest group in my mind, but football players too since the two groups acted the same weither they were on the team or not Italian or not etc. Our team wasn't good at all, they weren't the jocks you see on TV so it wasn't exactley an underdog story here. I remember I would get so angry when someone wouldn't fight me past the 30 second rule (In our highschool when a fight broke out it was broken up in about 30 seconds, if you were still standing in that time people treated you better), this made them weak and less then human in my mind. So I guess in that way standing up for your self earned you some respect from me but you had to stick with it because even if I respected you I have always enjoyed fighting.

I used to be a bully in Elementary and Middle School.

However half of the time I was just retaliating to others. I'd be lying though if I said I never started any fights or picked on anyone.

Vargtass wrote:Everyone thought I was gay back in middle school. Which was funny about a year later when I was the first guy with a girlfriend... <,<

Same problem, but still no Girlfriend.

My problem is that my bully is a junior.

The solution is that I'm 5'10", while he is 5'6"

Well I got lucky, I was quite popular with the girls, played alot of instruments and were quite strapping if I dare say so myself.

Perhaps that was the problem with them kids.

Now that I have read through the other posts a bit more I just realized that in high school I was perhaps the worst kind. I was the "backup", so to speak. I saw alot, ALOT, of bullying going on, but I just ignored it, having previously gotten alot of crap for being "gay". It got really fething bloody too, a kid lost two teeth infront of me and I just kept smoking that cigarette, thinking to myself what a pathetic guy he was, why wasn't he standing up to himself, get buffed, fight back, all that.

It all stopped for me that day when the girl-clic went to far with one of the less popular girls. She was actually cute and having worked with her earlier that year I always had a harder time ignoring what they did to her. I had even taken some coffee with her in the mess hall. Anyway, one of the clics suddenly maced her. Just picked up a can of that gak and maced her. People were just looking, even the teachers ignored it. I just felt the red falling before my eyes, so I punched the . Hard. Her nose broke pretty fairly. Suddenly the teachers cared and I was picked up by the cops and was expelled. Joined the army, served, went back to another school and finished. Never heard from that poor girl again, but the one I punched is a fashion blogger now and makes the big bucks. Life sucks, but I guess I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't done anything.

Still, punching a girl... I still wake up screaming in the night. The horror... the horror...

I'm an unsporty guy in a sport-mad nation, so I got shoved around a bit. It only started escalating into two-way physical violence when I started realising the school's system of 'ignore them' or 'ask them to stop' was bs.

I get stares from nearly everyone I walk by, but most of them are too afraid to talk to me. I tend to be the quiet one, that doesn't really talk to people. I just am used to people being stupid, and the looks I get from them.

6 inch liberty spikes,a modded leather jacket,and the stompiest boots in school scares people I guess.

A Black Ram wrote:I get stares from nearly everyone I walk by, but most of them are too afraid to talk to me. I tend to be the quiet one, that doesn't really talk to people. I just am used to people being stupid, and the looks I get from them.

6 inch liberty spikes,a modded leather jacket,and the stompiest boots in school scares people I guess.

That might look pretty cool.

A Black Ram wrote:I get stares from nearly everyone I walk by, but most of them are too afraid to talk to me. I tend to be the quiet one, that doesn't really talk to people. I just am used to people being stupid, and the looks I get from them.

6 inch liberty spikes,a modded leather jacket,and the stompiest boots in school scares people I guess.

Basicly this in high school and up.

I was the towering guy in the spikey leather jacket with a Misfits skull emblazoned across the back,the Doc Martens and foot high Mohawk,I didn't get hassled much.

I did get some flak in grade school,but no more than any other kid...mostly getting messed with by older kids and such.

I put been a bully and been bullied.

I guess I've given some people crap before, but I try not to now. I picked a fight with a kid twice my size once and he quite literally wiped the floor with me. Picked me up over his head and threw me down on mine.

I broke his nose though

Also gotten into a few tussles on the rugby field. I can't say that I don't enjoy it
Unfortunately this doesn't always work out so well as I'm backline and I seem to always pick fights with big stupid forwards. But who says a 140 lb wing can't take on a 250+ lb prop?

rubiksnoob wrote:
Also gotten into a few tussles on the rugby field. I can't say that I don't enjoy it

I wish my school had rugby

Commissar NIkev wrote:

rubiksnoob wrote:
Also gotten into a few tussles on the rugby field. I can't say that I don't enjoy it

I wish my school had rugby

Start a team! Get a bunch of guys that want to play and go to your principal or whatever and say "Hey, we have a lot of people that want to play rugby, why isn't there a team?"

rubiksnoob wrote:


Start a team! Get a bunch of guys that want to play and go to your principal or whatever and say "Hey, we have a lot of people that want to play rugby, why isn't there a team?"

if ONLY it was that easy! we've only had a Wrestling team for about 2 years now. Plus, we couldn't support it.
Our school system sucks major Ork Hide and(If I'm correct on this) <- Our Govonor and his little goons, cut the funding for most of the school programs. Band, Art clubs, Cheerleaders, etc. have almost no money now. Our Art club has to raise every penny for anything we want. Our band spent its money almost before the school even started, we aren't even going anywhere this year.
SO.....if ONLY it was that easy



All of that was probably too much information but it felt necessary to me

Commissar NIkev wrote:

rubiksnoob wrote:


Start a team! Get a bunch of guys that want to play and go to your principal or whatever and say "Hey, we have a lot of people that want to play rugby, why isn't there a team?"

if ONLY it was that easy! we've only had a Wrestling team for about 2 years now. Plus, we couldn't support it.
Our school system sucks major Ork Hide and(If I'm correct on this) <- Our Govonor and his little goons, cut the funding for most of the school programs. Band, Art clubs, Cheerleaders, etc. have almost no money now. Our Art club has to raise every penny for anything we want. Our band spent its money almost before the school even started, we aren't even going anywhere this year.
SO.....if ONLY it was that easy ^
^
^
All of that was probably too much information but it felt necessary to me

ahh, well that's a bummer. Best sport ever. You could try and find a club, but they are usually pretty expensive.

rubiksnoob wrote:
ahh, well that's a bummer. Best sport ever. You could try and find a club, but they are usually pretty expensive.

well I could probably find enough people to start a team....but so far as I know, the game is nowhere near as popular in AMerica than it is over there......plus......In band, Time is a thing we don't have extra.

Commissar NIkev wrote:

rubiksnoob wrote:
ahh, well that's a bummer. Best sport ever. You could try and find a club, but they are usually pretty expensive.

well I could probably find enough people to start a team....but so far as I know, the game is nowhere near as popular in AMerica than it is over there......plus......In band, Time is a thing we don't have extra.

Yeah, it unfortunately isn't. people are too fascinated by girly man sports like football

The football coach at our school HATES the rugby team cuz all his players like rugby better. About a quarter of last year's varsity team isn't playing this year cuz they're playing rugby