I've never been closer to just ending it all.

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**Goddard**

http://www.ponychan.net/chan/chat/res/36932953.html

Charles Kinley wrote:Tue, Sep 6th, 2011 12:15 PM

I've never been closer to just ending it all.

My name is Charles Kinley, I'm 26 years old. About 3 years ago I got out of the army. I have been diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer.

I didn't think about suicide much when I was younger. I had quite the life, a great family, friends, everything I could want. Well that all stopped when my parents passed away in a car accident. I didn't blame the other driver, it wasn't his fault. My dad was drunk off his plot and my mother has been on Xanax for about a month now from her doctor. It took me a month after the funeral, but I decided I would follow in my father's footsteps and join the army. Bootcamp was harsh, and I was out of shape.

It was only a year later that they shipped me off to Iraq to fight. That was the first time I thought about really ending it. The things that go on there are disgusting. I've seen kids, who only want a sip of water, gunned down by my own troops men because we were in a war zone and we couldn't take the risks. I've killed innocent women and men because they were in the same house as suspected arms traffickers. I've seen brothers in arms die, entire buildings collapse, choppers shot down with injured soldiers on board. I sat down on my bunk in the middle of night with a loaded pistol in my hands, just thinking about what all I had to go on for. My mate Terry was the one who had me put the pistol up. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't been there.

So I struggled through the war for another year or so and I was finally shipped back home where I was greeted by friends and relatives. They were happy to see me, but they knew I was troubled. I went to several shrinks and spoke to pastors, but none of them could make me feel all that better. About 8 months after I got a call from the police about a robbery at my little sisters house. They found her raped and shot in the chest 3 times. I didn't know how to handle it, so I just went back home and stared at the wall for a day or so. I don't think I have ever been able to cry since that night.

Now, about 19 months after my sisters murder and rape, I am at the clinic. The doctor has a saddened look on his face and I know something must be wrong. He tells me I have advanced pancreatic cancer, and that I have an 8% chance of survival for the next 15 or so weeks. He shows no sympathy, no words of care. He just looks at me and prescribes me some damned pills for the pain that is sure to come.

I have a next to no chance of living for another 15 weeks. If I take this off shot procedure that might possibly cure me, then I will be in debt for 5 or 6 years, IF I live. If I die, then all of that debt will go to my relatives that are still alive.

I'm sitting here, typing this up with a pistol to my right. It's loaded and it's ready to fire. I don't know if I want to go through the pain, the agony of these procedures and the fact that I might not even live just furthers me to end it all, right now, right here. I don't know what to do ponychan.

I don't know when exactly I got hooked to this show and it's community, but I'm glad I did. You guys are the only ones I can really trust to possibly make it a bit better for me.

I'm going to go lay down now, I might fall asleep I might not, but when I get up I'm going to check this thread, I promise.

I am at a loss for words. What can you possibly say to comfort or guide this person? I tried my best to say SOMETHING encouraging...but my God. That is just so...bleak. I turns my insides.

The reason I am posting this is kinda confusing. I know the community Mr. Charles posed this to is quite, eh, loving/respecting/reassuring. But I know some of you guys. And some of you have very mature, practical and solid opinions which are then backed by logic and reason and life experience. There are members of this forum that could offer advice that will easily trump anything I could possibly say. This is all I can think to do. I said what I could, but I'm not satisfied with that.

So...what would you say to this person?

**Ahtman**

Is this someone you know? Or was this just something you stumbled across?

**Necros**

Meh .. 8% chance of survival is still a chance. That's about what my girlfriend had. She went to the dr for a routine exam, and decided to get her blood checked for the usual stuff (cholesterol, etc) .. long story short, she had lukemia and would have been dead in about 2 weeks if she didn't decide to get her blood checked for the hell of it.

That was 10 years ago, she's 100% cancer free now.

But yeah, doctors are robots in this regard .. I think they just can't get attached to people because everyone they see has something wrong with them. You gotta find a support group or have some good friends to help ya, and just take the pills the dr says and do a lot of praying.

**fire4effekt**

Maybe i'm just jaded, but i don't believe in anything from any Chan site. Also pistols are getting harder to come by in the army as they switched most M-9's out to M-4's. Aside from Mp's anyway.

**Grabzak Dirtyfighter**

I'm glad I'm not the only one suspecting a troll. That's a lot of bad stuff to happen to someone who also happens to get pancreatic cancer in their 20's.

If he is real though...

**Dreadwinter**

15 weeks? That seems like just the right amount of time it would take to hunt down and take care of the people who did that to my sister.....

**shakey787**

This is rough, again if its true.....
i am ex military and have served several tours abroad, and have not experienced or heard of children being shot because of "risks", i know paranoia is rife whilst on tours but the killing of innocent people just to be safe is not an option.
If this is true then i am deeply sorry for this lad for any of this to happen to 1 human being is horrific to say the least, i cant begin to imagine what he is going through, suicide is selfish and i think his family would rather pay debts from a taken chance rather than on a taken life...... if its a lie i hope one of these things happen to him, I know this may come across as harsh but playing with people's sympathies is a brutal thing to do its not funny and a callous and immature act.

**Ahtman**

This is why I asked the OP if this was someone they know. There are almost as many completely fabricated "I'm a soldier and [Insert lie here]" letters going around as there are Nigerian Princes and foreign country lottery winners.

**Mr. Self Destruct**

If this came from a Chan site, assume it's fake until you find out otherwise. Seriously.
I'll just start with the little tidbit that they apparently allowed him to bring a loaded weapon to his bunk, where even my dad in the army *as an armorer* wasn't allowed to leave with a weapon.

**Red Comet**

Here's how I look at it. As much as I want to sympathize with him I cannot because I've heard similar stories all over the internet and I know that 90% of the time people who say all of this are just lying. OP if you feel that bad then maybe you can reply back with some words if you really feel like its true. I've seen this so much that I'd ignore it simply because it seems like some person merely just wants attention on ponychan.

Also remember one rule that the internet has always proven to be true: "Pics or it didn't happen." There's a reason why its said.

**Albatross**

My guess would be a well-written, but nevertheless obvious, fabrication.

**purplefood**

Sucks to be that guy...

**Karon**

Pics or it didn't happen.

**dogma**

Trolling. People who are emotionally compromised do not write like that.

**Gymnogyps**

Dammit, Goddard, initially I thought this was for you based on name and thread title.

But now I'm laughing at myself so its all good.

Anyway, I'd tell this guy that based on his luck he needs to stay far away from that gun. Chances are he'd muck up the shot and end up in the hospital with no jaw or half a brain, but not dead.

On a more serious note, I kinda agree that this sounds just a little too bleak to be real.

But if real, this person may need to know there is another option. Palliative/hospice care was not mentioned. But only the poster can make the choice. I would think the Dr's front office would have recommended options / support groups / etc, so that kinda makes the whole thing seem suspicious. Even if the Dr was a douche, usually there is someone to talk to. They usually don't allow folks with that sort of diagnosis to walk out like described. But who knows.

**chaos0xomega**

shakey787 wrote:This is rough, again if its true.....
i am ex military and have served several tours abroad, and have not experienced or heard of children being shot because of "risks", i know paranoia is rife whilst on tours but the killing of innocent people just to be safe is not an option.

Yeah, i would say hes possibly one of the luckiest war vets alive considering he still has all his limbs and he isn't rotting in Ft. Leavenworth (assuming he is an American).

I'm gonna say he's a Troll, the only thing you can say to them in a situation like this is "Do it... you won't..." Unless he really is telling the truth... then its rather unfortunate how much of an ass you've just been...

**Connor McKane**

Bovine Feces. I spent 8 years in the Army, and served in the Gulf. No one is shooting kids for wanting water. All civilian shootings are scrutinized by the media, NOTHING slips past, especially killing children. He also refers to his mother in the present tense after saying she passed away....

My father died of cancer, and just from the terminology used by the OP (Not Goddard, he's aces.) I can tell his cries of cancer are fake, and so can anyone who has lost anyone close to them to cancer....gak like this sickens me.

Debt doesn't pass to "relatives." How can people still believe this crap?

And the worst thing is, is that somewhere someone is going through something alot like this, but for real, and just looking for a connection... and they aren't being believed either.

**Goddard**

Valid points all.

It may be very likely that this is a fabrication. (It's too bad to be true, even.)

I don't know if this Charles person is living in the United States. The way the medical bill might indebt his parents/family...unless I'm mistaken, that doesn't happen here.

Again, if he isn't a citizen of the United States, perhaps military regulations are different. I can't really determine which country he might be from.

I know that people do post these types of things from time to time. But my logic is this.

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by giving him the benefit of the doubt.

If he's a troll/needing attention, then we all go about our business. If he is indeed dire straights, then any and all advice should be given.

To advice, I was wondering if there is some kind of veterans medical program for this sort of thing. Are any of you familiar with something like this?

**MrDwhitey**

Connor McKane wrote:Bovine Feces.

My father died of cancer, and just from the terminology used by the OP (Not Goddard, he's aces.) I can tell it is fake, and so can anyone who has lost anyone close to them to cancer....gak like this sickens me.

And the worst thing is, is that somewhere someone is going through something alot like this, but for real, and just looking for a connection... and they aren't being believed either.

Ain't the net full of wonderous people, eh?

**Goddard**

Oh yes, and I forgot to add.

chan 'identities' are trip codes. You don't log in to post anything. Mods on the site have noted that this tripcode has been used almost since the sites creation.

So, the stakes are higher if he is indeed a troll.

**dogma**

Connor McKane wrote:
And the worst thing is, is that somewhere someone is going through something alot like this, but for real, and just looking for a connection... and they aren't being believed either.

Welcome to the human condition.

**Goddard**

Reading through the comments posted, it looks like he going to take the procedure.

Hmm...

As soon as he updates us, I'll let you know what he says.

I'll actually admit, I never even suspected trolling.

Automatically Appended Next Post:
I was right though, you all had very good points to make.

**Gymnogyps**

Thanks for update. I'm going to go hang out in the MLP thread now.

Edit: Before I go, I'd suggest that the dude get confirmation and or seek options. Doctors are not infallible, and if the procedure is one that is bankruptcy inducing, a second opinion may be prudent.

Oh, yeah, and the dude really needs a support group, or five.

**Monster Rain**

Ahtman wrote:This is why I asked the OP if this was someone they know. There are almost as many completely fabricated "I'm a soldier and [Insert lie here]" letters going around as there are Nigerian Princes and foreign country lottery winners.

It is also well known that 95% of people won't repost these poignantly tragic tales.

I smell troll.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

Connor McKane wrote:Bovine Feces. I spent 8 years in the Army, and served in the Gulf. No one is shooting kids for wanting water.

I was in Iraq, and couldn't agree more.

Hell, we were happy to see the little Iraqi kids. They would sell us bottles of whiskey for 10 USD.

I never did figure out where they got it, but by God, I didn't ask.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

chaos0xomega wrote:I'm gonna say he's a Troll, the only thing you can say to them in a situation like this is "Do it... you won't..." Unless he really is telling the truth... then its rather unfortunate how much of an ass you've just been...

I think the best thing to do is ignore it. If I wasn't of a mind to ignore it:

Goddard wrote:So...what would you say to this person?

I would say...

**biccat**

Simply knowing that there's a ponychan makes me want to end it all...

**Monster Rain**

biccat wrote:Simply knowing that there's a ponychan makes me want to end it all...

Oh come now. Surely the fact that there is a NAMBLA website would have done you in if this was the case.

**MrDwhitey**

I had to google NAMBLA... They seem to like Zeitgeist.

Not a very professional looking site either.

**biccat**

Monster Rain wrote:
biccat wrote:Simply knowing that there's a ponychan makes me want to end it all...

Oh come now. Surely the fact that there is a NAMBLA website would have done you in if this was the case.

What's wrong with the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes?

**Monster Rain**

MrDwhitey wrote:I had to google NAMBLA... They seem to like Zeitgeist.

Uh oh.

Someone's IP address just went on a list somewhere.

**MrDwhitey**

Monster Rain wrote:
MrDwhitey wrote:I had to google NAMBLA... They seem to like Zeitgeist.

Uh oh.

Someone's IP address just went on a list somewhere.

I know I know... luckily I'm at my parents.

I was even going to give my laptop to my mother as a present. Guess it's going to my dad now. Time to move!