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Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






I love the Ork Kommando fluff and want to have a unique squad with interesting characters I have the Nob Kommando but am looking for a few other ork boyz to help give the squad a Bull's Chargers type feel. The Squad is named Gadnuk's Gutrippas. The Nob is named Gadnuk (I will post his fluff below) I am looking for 9 other ork boyz to add to the mob I would like a heavy weapons specialist and a demolitions expert, I would like to see what you guys come up with. This is for my friend's Black Crusade RPG so the squad is in the employment of a chaos warband. With all this in mind good luck and happy writing.
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






Gadnuk Eadwoppa
As a blood axe Ork born on Armageddon Gadnuk, had no shortage of fights. As a young rebellious ork fed up with being told he could do whatever he wanted to, Gadnuk joined up with a storm boy mob. After showing particularly keen ability to follow orders he was recruited by the legendary ork komando boss Snikrot to join the Red Skull Komandos. Fighting as a Kommando Gadnuk grew into a Nob and was able to lead a small commando mob of his own naming them Gadnuk’s Gut Rippas. After almost a decade of ambushing guardsmen in the dense jungles of Armageddon, Gadnuk found something that would change his life forever. Boss Snikrot ordered the Gut Rippas to eliminate a camp belonging to the steel legion, after assassinating the commissar, Gadnuk and his Kommandos made quick work of the guardsmen. Once all the fighting was done Gadnuk began to rummage about the loot the omies left behind. In one large chest, inside were books with lots of pictures. This books depicted far off battles and exciting heroes stomping on bug skulls. It was there Gadnuk decided two things 1 he will learn to read his newly found treasure and 2 he was going to get off world and fight things that aren’t stupid guardsmen. Not long after that a freebooter war boss, by the name of Kaptin Grinbad came to Armageddon in search of orks to join his crew (how convenient am I right?). Anyways Gadnuk along with his Gut Rippas joined up with Grinbad much to the displeasure of Snikrot losing one of his favorite Kommando mobs. After a year of fighting and Krumping boss Grinbad thought Gadnuk to be too unorky with all of his strategy and plannin, and he exploded when Gadnuk had the nerve to question his plan Grinbad said and I quote "lissen ere ya Git biskit, if I want to use a zoggin catapult to shoot grots at da Tau. das what I'z gonna do, and I'z sick and tired of deez takticks that you keep spillin from yer gob, in fact get em boyz" It was at that point Gadnuk used all of his orky kunnin to escape Grinbad by saying "look over dere". Gadnuk slipped away and then gatherd his Kommandos and headed for a rokk that would take them plant side. And after a day of fighting Gadnuk along with a few of his boyz made it off the kroza to the planet where he met dem chaos boyz.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2015/05/13 05:48:55


 
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






Forgive all the spelling errors half are meant to be orky and the other half are a result of big thumbs on a smartphone.
   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

By demolitions expert do you mean trigger happy ork more than happy to see a building leveled with explosives rather than clearing it out room by room? Also, are you looking for the orks before they came to the Gutrippas, during their time there, or more of a general overview a bit like you did with Gadnuk that skips around but provides certain parts containing explicit details? (Which is well done and still has a nice depth to it) I'm also curious what the gear would be, run of the mill kommandoz gear but featuring explosives in this ork's case?

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/16 01:23:20


Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






2BlackJack1 wrote:
By demolitions expert do you mean trigger happy ork more than happy to see a building leveled with explosives rather than clearing it out room by room? Also, are you looking for the orks before they came to the Gutrippas, during their time their, or more of a general overview a bit like you did with Gadnuk that skips around but provides certain parts containing explicit details? (Which is well done and still has a nice depth to it) I'm also curious what the gear would be, run of the mill kommandoz gear but featuring explosives in this ork's case?

Exactly an ork who just loves to see things explode (more so than other orks). As per how you wish to write I'd prefer that to be up to the writer, however you feel you can convey an interesting character. It could be a characters origin of how they came to be recruited into the mob, or it could be an interesting mission they had on Armageddon or with the Free Booter. Or just jump around in the time line. Just be sure to give your lots of life. As for their equipment they are armed with 1 Big Shoota or 1 burna the others are just run of the mill Kommandos usual Kommando gear and equipment slugas choppas and shootas. As far as cosmetic stuff you got berets, night vision goggles, military style caps and lots of different camouflages, also cloaks. Thanks for asking.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2015/05/14 04:23:31


 
   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

Alright, I was always fascinated by the explosives based character in stories and whatnot, and orks are always entertaining.

Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in gb
Stealthy Grot Snipa






Northern Ireland

I'll give you a write up for old SkagNet in his Kommando days! Can't wait!

   
Made in gb
Humorless Arbite





Hull

Is there a slot still open for me? I'd love to join this.
What equipment do the normal Kommandoz have?

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/14 23:44:26


   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






 Otto Weston wrote:
Is there a slot still open for me? I'd love to join this.
What equipment do the normal Kommandoz have?

Plenty of room. Your typical Kommando has a sluga and a very large knife, or an axe or a sword. They also carry Stikk bombs.
   
Made in gb
Humorless Arbite





Hull

Spoiler:
One enterprising Ork of the Blood Axes clan thought he had learnt something special; how to be extra sneaky. He figured that being quiet was the best way to be sneaky and so he threw away his bits of clanking metal armour and went searching for something that would protect him and keep him quiet at the same time.
A little while later he found one of the squig pens and had a brain-wave.

Climbing over the fence at night and crawling through the muck in the pen, he killed over thirty large squigs without the nearby Runtherders hearing anything at all. He then made his escape, dragging a large sack filled with dead squigs, away from scene of the crime. A little while later he emerged from his living quarters covered head to toe in thick and patchy leather armour that didn't make a sound when he moved. He even had enough squigs left over to fashion some leather boots, gloves and a hood. He was proud of his work and he thought he looked quite dashing in all the reddy browns and oranges that made up colours of his suit.

In his excitement, he had totally forgotten to watch out for the Runt-Herders and they had taken note of him preening about his new outfit and had suspicions about where he'd gotten it. Three of them grabbed him,
"Oi, dis 'ere Squig-skin looks like our missin' squigs!"
"We'ze gonna take ya teef for nabbing dem squigs."
Two of them held him down and the third was about to start taking teeth when a Kommando Nob crunched their heads together from behind and threw them aside,
"Dis 'ere geezer killed ya squigs wivout ya hearing nuffing? Ow'd ya do it Squig-git?"
"Squeezed em ta death so dey didn't squeal."
"Har, you'ze a right Sneeky Squig Squeeza ain't ya? I wantcha ta join mah Kommandoz."
"I luvs bein' sneeky"
"Gud"

That is how, 'Sneeky Squig Squeeza', or 'Squig-git', for short, came to join Gadnuk's Kommandoz.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/15 12:31:25


   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






Love the name Squig Squeeza
   
Made in gb
Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought




Nottingham

Any left for me?
I'll take any!

Read the history of the Charadon Crusade: The Crusade of Fury was at an end.
Join the Crion Crusade: I think it's the combination of butt jokes, democratic necrons, explosions, and mind-fething that draws people to this Crusade like moths to a bug zapper - War Kitten
Rippy wrote:Never forgetti, template spaghetti.
DR:90S++G++MB+IPw40k07-D++A++/sWD366R++T(F)DM+ 
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






Yup I originally asked for 9 but I'm ok with going over that. it's not like an Ultramarines squad who must always have exactly 10 battle brothers in a Squad because any deviations are heresy to the codex astartes, orks are orks boyz join up and they almost never take an exact headcount, if we get more than I expected I'm open to starting a second squad perhaps a rival Kommando mob maybe Gutrippas who were loyal to the Freebooter instead of Gadnuk, but to answer your question yes there is plenty of room.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/15 22:46:16


 
   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

(Sorry about the long delay for me to write this, but I finally got the free time to do it. I hope you like it)

Blakrog looked at the advancing group of guardsmen and smiled from his vantage point. Soon, they would realize not every ork charged into battle axe swinging. "Just a bit further, me humiez. Little bit more, and..." Blakrog's voice trailed off as he primed the detonator and watched the entire squad go up in flames as a building spewed out fire and shrapnel from the bombs Blakrog had made for just this purpose.

"Good ladz, never saw it kummin". Blakrog was pleased with his handiwork, and made his way from the tower he had climbed onto for a good view. The flames had started to spread, which only made Blakrog's smile grow wider as he relished the damage his prized bombs had wreaked.

He heard a cry of WAAAAGH behind him and saw a mob of boyz he recognized from WAAAAGH!!! Gorok's army charging his way, evidently attracted to the explosions, and Blakrog would've been surprised if they found any survivors of the blast to kill. Blakrog ignored the group; if other orks were in the area, it was time to move on. His shoota was cradled in his arms as he made his way through the chaos that once was a town after the orks joined the fight and his explosives got to it.

Blakrog already had a next target in mind as he walked, what was a better place to watch crumble than the heart if the city, the place the humiez relied on for talkin' to da utter humiez for help when da boyz came.

Blakrog made his way deeper into the expanse of the city, setting the occasional tripwire as he went, just to add a bit more chaos as he felt it was necessary, and so, many tripwires were placed. He heard guardsmen every now and then as he went, but wanted to get to the citadel before he let the humiez knew he was there, and they would find out he was there the hard way.

He saw a large satellite tower that acted as a beacon loom out before him, and knew that if that fell, the city wouldn't be long behind it. Blakrog lumbered on, doubling his pace in excitement to get to his destination. In his excitement, he nearly walked into a group of guardsmen that were making their way to the source of the explosions.

Blakrog howled as he drew his knife and cut through the squad, butchering the squad with a brutal efficiency the guardsmen didn't think capable of an ork. Blakrog smiled a toothy grin at the last victim before he plunged his blade into his throat, slicking the ground with his lifeblood.

Blakrog placed a time-based burna bomb near the corpses, not wanting the bodies to be recovered. His goal was ever so slowly getting closer, and Blakrog got more paranoid of guardsmen up and about, while less worried about seeing boyz that would get in his way.

At long last he saw the base of the tower, which was guarded by brutes that were about the size of some orks, much to Blakrog's surprise. Knowing that charging at them would've done nothing to blow up the tower, he instead devised a plan to distract da bigga humiez so he could plant the bombs and slip away. Blakrog set his set bag down and pulled out more self made bombs, priming a group and taking off with his bag, planning to use a different route to the base while the guards investigated the explosions. After turning several corners and almost getting lost in the maze of the cities, Blakrog heard the boom and knew the tower would be somewhat unprotected. As he looped around back to the base he saw that his plan had worked, and da humiez had set off towards his distrakshun. Blakrog wasted no time in setting the explosions around the base of the tower, making sure the weaker joints had plenty of splosives in them. As he was finishing he heard a gruff shout and felt a sharp blow to the back of his head. Blakrog stumbled under the force of the blow, reminded of his days as a younger boy getting walopped by the local boss for asking about his tactics. As he stumbled forwards, he spun around to see one of the humie brutez ready to stab him with a blade attached to his gun. Blakrog growled, and lunged at the humie, drawing his knife as he did so. The two interlocked blades, trying to overcome the other through brute force, but the ork's strength was starting to tell. Blakrog smiled as the brute groaned as the blades slowly made their way to his face. A loud shout distracted Blakrog, and he saw several more brutez coming his way, their guns leveled at him. The momentary distraction let the brute catch Blakrog off guard, and suddenly Blakrog was pinned on the ground with a blade about to pierce his heart. Before Blakrog could reach for the detonator to go out with one last bang, a howl came to his ears and he saw the brutez that were reinforcements get cut down by a group of similarly clad orks as Blakrog.

Blakrog smiled as the orks made squig meat of the humiez, Blakrog grabbed his attacker's leg and pulled, causing the humie to fall and Blakrog preceded to smash his chest and face in with his fists. Blakrog grabbed the humie by the throat with one hand and grabbed his knife with the other, driving the blade into the humie'z gut, showing his tusks in a wide smile as his victory became clear.

Blakrog stood up from his kill to see the orks standing around him. He recognized which one was the leader, and addressed him, "tanks for da help, but weze gotz ta go. Ize got splosives set to blow da whole joint, and weze standin right next ta dem."

The other kommando nodded, but said "bin lookin for otter orkz, you'z seem ta fit, so I'ze waz wantin you ta join."

Blakrog smiled at how much damage a group of kommandoz could do, before nodding and saying "De'ze call me Blakrog, Blakrog da Sneekee".

Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in gb
Stealthy Grot Snipa






Northern Ireland

Dirty old SkagNet

Spoiler:
Throughout an ork's life he fights, and if he wins he gets bigger and stronger and keeps fighting. For this reason an old ork is almost always a very big and powerful ork. 
Bloodaxe Kommando SkagNet is old, but  not very big. This denotes a very perculiar tendency that is almost unversally frowned upon in ork culture, an ork who fights and runs away. It is perhaps unsurprising therefore that SkagNet is almost universally despised by all orks and generally disrespected even by gretchin.
 
SkagNet, however does not give a zogging grox dung about any of this. He would gleefully dance on the early graves of every bull-headed Goff, every reckless Evil-Sunz, every teef-grabbing Bad-Moon, every dung-kicker Snakebite, every junk-looting Deathskull and every back-stabbing Blood-Axe he ever met. He has long outlived the vast majority of his greenskin detractors through a combination of downright deviousness and outright cowardice and so has cultivated the self justified recalcitrance of the unapologetically aged.
   
 The bold charge and the stand-up fight are not his thing. SkagNet's tallents lie primarily in sabotage, deception and rope traps. Why risk a fair fight when you can cripple your opponents transport, lure him into a trap and gun him down while he hangs defenceless at your mercy? This is not to say that SkagNet hasn't done his fair share of fighting. His peg leg, eye patch and mostly toothless grimace can all attest to that. But when forced to stand and fight what SkagNet lacks in skill he more than makes up for in dirty tricks.

Given the extent of the mutual hatred between SkagNet and most other orks it is no surprise that SkagNet wanted to take the oportunity to leave Armageddon behind. When he heard that the Gutrippas were shipping out to fight for "da spikey nutz" he strapped on his pack, stuck a tattered black beanie on his bonce and headed for the port. Shoplifting some new gear on his way he presented himself to Gadnuk as the Bloodaxe Nob and his Gutrippas were preparing to leave.

"Oi Gadnuk, I 'az a prezint for ya if you'll bring me on yer mishun." SkagNet held out a big shiny shoota which Gadnuk accepted before spitting in SkagNet's face.

"Gerrouta my way yer dirty ol' git biskit." he shoved past SkagNet and led his assembled Gutrippas one by one past the wrinkly old ork in a cvalcade of unremitting disparigment. SkagNet took it all, smug and undefeated. He waited until they had all passed before delivering his repost.

"Not so fast Turd-rippas..." they stopped, and turned. Nine pairs of beady red eyes glowering at him with undesgised contempt. 
" how d'ya know I 'avn't rigged dat 'ole Rokk ta blow?" contempt turned to a mixture of outrage and incredulity and in some faces reluctant respect.
 
"Eeva I iz comin' wiff ya, or..." SkagNet paused for dramatic effect and with a slow deliberate motion produced from his coat a remote detonator. "you boyz ain't goin' nowhere."

SkagNet's thumb hovered over the fat red button. Gadnuk's eyes fixated on the device. An orange light blinked its intermittant threat.

"waddya say Gadnuk? It's your call, Boss."

Blink

Blink

Blink              

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2015/05/20 10:50:46


   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

Good Ol' SkagNet. Clever boy (gets ripped to shreds by velociraptor)

Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






Lol welcome aboard SkagNet I literally busted out laughing when I read not so fast turd Rippas
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






I have liked all the characters you folks have presented and would like to take an account of who we have so far.
We have our Nob Gadnuk
Squiggit da Sneeky Squig Squeeza
Blakrog da Boom maker
And good old SkagNet da Saboteur
Quality work people keep em coming
   
Made in gb
Stealthy Grot Snipa






Northern Ireland

Hey... What? Good old SkagNet? I'm not quite sure I painted quite the clear enough picture.

Dirty old SkagNet da Triksta more like.

That Rokk was never rigged to blow up! That box in SkagNet's hand probably isn't even a detonator. He's good old nuthin, he's a low down dirty liar!

There's plenty more SkagNet in my Adventures of Smirking thread but I think he mellowed out a little in his golden years.

   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






LOL ok filthy old scumbag SkagNet da cowardly trickster, that more appropriate
You displayed the character perfectly I was only trying to pay my respect

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/17 15:23:32


 
   
Made in gb
Stealthy Grot Snipa






Northern Ireland

Ok. Thanks.

I can draw you up another character or two if nobody else takes you up on the offer but I'll wait and see and let everyone else have a chance.

   
Made in gb
The Last Chancer Who Survived





United Kingdom

Has anyone done the heavy weapons ork?
If not, I dibs that one. Will get writing soon.

 
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






All yours we need a big shoota boy
   
Made in gb
The Last Chancer Who Survived





United Kingdom

[Da Storee of Kommando Bigrippa]
Spoiler:

Roit, lissun up ya grotz! I'z gunna tell ya of da gray-test Kommando wot eva lived. Wun day, yooz gonna fink bak to dis storee, an' remembuh how useless yoo iz!
It all started on da day Big Mek Nubzappa woz smashed ta pee-sez by a big spikey 'umie!


*wot waz itz name?*

It dunn matter wot iz name woz ya yoof! Anyway, diz spikey 'umie made lotz of uz biggah Orkz do un-orky fings loik braidin spikey 'umie "hair" and paintin fings "pink". An ovvah stuff Iz can't say.
Now, diz Kommando, (who we now call Kommando Bigrippa), diddunt loik doin stuff fer da spikey gitz, so wun day he found a way tuh kill da big spikey 'umie!


*YAAAAAY!!*

SHUDDUP, OI AINT DUN YET!

*Sowwee*

Wun day, Bigrippa found a sneeky way into da big spikey 'umie'z spaceship. He had the sneek past all da uvva 'umiez on da planet, and aktivate Big Mek Nubzappa'z ol' Tellyporta. After that, Bigrippa 'ad to sneek frew dis ship until he got to da engine room. He 'ad ta blow up da engines-

*Kaboom!*

SHUDDUP, OI AINT DUN YET!

*Sowwee*

'E 'ad ter blow up da engines, loik KABOOM, and get off da ship somehow. First, Bigrippa found a Big Shoota, and got intuh a barrel full of purlpe berriez. Az we all know, purple iz da sneekeyest colour evah. But deez berries wouldn't stick to 'Im. So Bigrippa used da Big Shoota to make arm an' leg holes for him, so Bigrippa could wear the barrel, an' stay purple 4evah!

*Datz smart*

SHUDDUP, YA STOOPID ZOGGIN YOOF!

*Sowwee*

Were waz I? Oh, roit! First, ‘E… Wait, dat’d be Sekund..

*I thought the barrel woz second?*

ROIT, DATZ IT! DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA!!!

*Blaragrggrrgplll*

ANY MOAR INTERRUPSHUNZ??!

Good. Third, Bigrippa started sneekin’ about, assassss… assassin… assbandit.. Got it! Assassinate. Bigrippa started assassinatin’ everyfing in sight! ‘E wood sneak up behind a target, put da Big Shoota at their spinez, pul da trigger an’ yell DAKKADAKKADAKKA!!

Nowun notised a fing. Aftah a while, Bigrippa got onto da Tellyporta, but it was not workin'! The big red "GO" button, da wun wot lookz liek da big red "DO NOT PRESS" buttun, was gone, an' dere waz only a small hole inter which the MEKanizm™ needed ter be aktivated.
Bigrippa ponderd this fer owaz an' owaz. 'Ow der ya press a buttun wivout a buttun? Bigrippa yooz’d I’z brutal cunnin’, an’ realized ‘E should use cunnin’ brutality! So, ‘E got a spiket ‘umiez ‘ead, and smashed it inter da Tellyporta control panel! It diddunt work.
Bigrippa ‘ad a littul fink. If da “GO” button waz broken, an’ da “DO NOT PRESS” button waz still dere, dat meanz dat da broken button waz da wun yoo aint supposed ter press, meenin’ dat ‘E should press da “DO NOT PRESS” button! But, diz aint no normal button, so it needed speshul treatment. Bigrippa got owt ‘iz Big Shoota an’ went DAKKADAKKADAKKA!!
Da Tellyporta Kasploded.
Nowun knowz wot ‘append next, but all we know iz dat da spaceship kasploded, an’ Bigrippa crashed bak to da planet, surfing on a big spikey ‘umie boss, using moar dakka to slow I’mself down to make a soft landin!

Da End!

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/20 07:49:47


 
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






I really like the way this one was presented in the form of a Story, however I only wish we got more of a feel for who this ork is, his personality his aspiration etc. If you don't mind and this may be intentional, but what if Kommando Bigrippa is the one telling the story, It would be interesting to have a character who is always embellishing his stories or perhaps Big Rippa is irrelevant and this mysterious story teller is the main character. This may work a little better as I was looking for less op badass orks and more of your low kunning ork Kommando. Single handedly taking down a chaos ship full of marines would be no small task for even the tuffest ork warboss and a mob of nobz. I was also looking for a heavy weapons ork who has a fetish ( for lack of a better word) for his big shoota Bigrippa just comes across his by random chance. In short it's a good story however I don't think it works for what I am trying to achieve.) Perhaps you can add to the end a rival ork Kommando who tells the Grots his version of what really happened, one where Bigrippa is less heroic. You do have something good here only needs some light modification to be truly great. With your permission I would like to make a slight rewrite where I employ these tthings, or I could leave that to you. ( I apologize if this comes off rude, I firmly believe this is a well written story, and only needs some minor modification to be truly great).
   
Made in gb
Stealthy Grot Snipa






Northern Ireland

Have to agree with Chazz here, it makes all the difference if this is Bigrippa himself biggin' up his own story. it gives him personality and adds layers to the story that, if you make the comments from the listeners slightly more questioning and incredulous, you hardly need to write much more at all.

And it's perfect that the big shoota guy should be a big head and think that he's a real hotshot, he's got the biggest gun of course he thinks he's a big deal.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/20 22:57:51


   
Made in gb
The Last Chancer Who Survived





United Kingdom

 chazz huggins wrote:
I really like the way this one was presented in the form of a Story, however I only wish we got more of a feel for who this ork is, his personality his aspiration etc. If you don't mind and this may be intentional, but what if Kommando Bigrippa is the one telling the story, It would be interesting to have a character who is always embellishing his stories or perhaps Big Rippa is irrelevant and this mysterious story teller is the main character. This may work a little better as I was looking for less op badass orks and more of your low kunning ork Kommando. Single handedly taking down a chaos ship full of marines would be no small task for even the tuffest ork warboss and a mob of nobz. I was also looking for a heavy weapons ork who has a fetish ( for lack of a better word) for his big shoota Bigrippa just comes across his by random chance. In short it's a good story however I don't think it works for what I am trying to achieve.) Perhaps you can add to the end a rival ork Kommando who tells the Grots his version of what really happened, one where Bigrippa is less heroic. You do have something good here only needs some light modification to be truly great. With your permission I would like to make a slight rewrite where I employ these tthings, or I could leave that to you. ( I apologize if this comes off rude, I firmly believe this is a well written story, and only needs some minor modification to be truly great).

I agree. I ended up cutting it off as things got in the way, so I posted it as/is.

The original plan had been to have Bigrippa's story trail off into a fantasy land where he wields two deffguns in each hand (and yelling "pew pew pew"), only for Gadnuk to tell him to shut up. And then somehow make the reader realize that Bigrippa was telling his own story.

Feel free to rewrite

 
   
Made in gb
Stealthy Grot Snipa






Northern Ireland

Good stuff.

In the meantime if I may here's another one

Tiny GitFingaz

Spoiler:


Tiny Gitfingaz is an oddity among orks. In a society where bigger is better one would think that an ork of Tiny's emense size would be something of a Boss, or a Nob at the least. Tiny is niether of these things for one simple reason. Big as he is, Tiny just can't seem to think big. Tiny might have been a Big Boss, he might have been a major figure within the Bloodaxe clan but for this crippling lack of belief in himself.     
Ork psycology has a profound impact on an ork's environment, abilities and even the efficacy of his weapons.

An unusual side effect of Tiny's condition is that most ork technology simply will not work for him. A slugga that can empty its clip in seconds flat in the hands of any other ork will jam or (on one of Tiny's off days) might even explode. For this reason Tiny has been forced to utilise as much alien technology as he can get his hands on but conversely where any other ork might discard a human or eldar weapon which he believes (this belief is effectual) to be useless Tiny's belief that they are the best weapons is often the critical factor in their effective use. Tiny's preference for unorky tech has earned him the name GitFingaz       

This trait goes so far that GitFingaz would rather use a sharpened standard issue guard trenching tool for a choppa than a good honest orky one for no other reason than its human origin. Perhaps it might stay sharper for longer or be less likely to accidentaly cut its user but for most other orks its a step too far. GadNuk however has considered Tiny GitFingaz unique circumstance as a golden oportunity. When behind enemy lines, what better ally to have than one who can best utilise the resources the enemy provides. 

Tiny's habbit is to collect and use anything that he can find and when not fighting he can be found hunched over a pile of dismantled alien technology which he studies to better understand how it works. Tiny also likes to use the parts of dismantled alien tech in creating small but useful Kommando tools. Thin but strong Grapnel ropes from plasma gun coils, red dot sights from las technology and collapsable squig-mead mugs from binoculars. That's how GadNuk gets all his best specialist Kommando gadjits: all hand made by the massive but dexterous digits of Tiny GitFingaz.

Tiny was a huge mass of shadow huddled around a pale yellow glow occupying most of the corner of the rubble strewn shed. Gadnuk entered and stole a glance around the huge hunched form, eager to see what GitFingaz was working on. 
"Snot finished yet boss." 
"looks finished ta me."
"Snot workin'."
"givus it 'ere." Gadnuk took the device and pointed what he believed to be the business end in the other direction. A dangerously overpowered spring mechanism launched a heavy metal disc at the wall where it stuck fast to the vertical surface. 
"See," Gadnuk tosed the contraption back to its maker. "works purfik."
Tiny GitFingaz turned the device over in his masive hands and very delicately adjusted the spring tension with a fine, human made tool.
"It needs a'justin" 
"wot izit?"
"oh!" Tiny pulled a pair of human-made specs down from his beady little eyes and scratched his oversized head with them. He had thought the demonstration more than adequate.
 "well..." he began, doubting his plan for the hundredth time. 
"We 'as an 'eap ov dese fings." he indicated a stack of magnetic discs all stuck together forming a short pole. "dey stick ta metal armour, like dat" he indicated the one Gadnuk had launched at the wall. "I reckoned if we cud launch 'em at tanks an' dat, wif summa dis attatched..." he raised a massive spool of steel cable aloft with his free hand like it was as light as thread spun of eldar farts. "den Blackrog clips a bomb on an' zips it down da line... " 
"Puuurrrfik." Gadnuk purred. "you ain't orky GitFingaz, but you iz a Bloodaxe dats fer shur."
                  

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/21 20:59:10


   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

Tiny Gitfingaz, a DaVinci among orks, it seems. Also liking the Storee of BigRippa, though I can't give any suggestions to it that haven't been previously mentioned.

Edit: Also, I like the mention of Blackrog, shows a bit of unity in the team besides Gadnuk checking in on Gitfingaz, as the team is working on each other's strengths. I would love to see how this team fares in competitions/games.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2015/05/21 23:40:29


Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy






I love the way you incorporated another party member good work. I also like the idea of a mek who makes things specifically for Kommandos (if he's a mek and not just somebody who enjoys tinkering)

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/05/21 23:36:45


 
   
 
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