Vol 7 – The Super Friends
This one time the Space Emperor was hanging with his friends and one of them made a very (x2) funny joke about Dubya mispronouncing a word and the Space Emperor he was all like “good one Frank!” and slapped Frank on the back. But his Emperor-Slap was so powerful it killed Frank and wounded everyone within d6” on a 4+. So the Space Emperor had to make new friends. So he made them. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
First the Space Emperor made the Green Superfriend, but he liked to wear feathers and a dress and hang out with midgets. So the Space Emperor made the Orange Superfriend but this one time the Space Emperor took him to the mall and lost him. That’s why there are no Orange Space Marines. Then the Space Emperor made the Shocking Pink Superfriend. He like, always knew where to score some weed, but he kept wailing on his guitar like some ninja or something so the Space Emperor kept trying. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So then the Space Emperor made himself a Construction Worker Super Friend and since he already had an Indian Chief and a Leather Boy it was getting too much like the Village People. But the Space Emperor doesn’t care what people say so he made himself a Biker Super Friend and a Viking Super Friend and the rumors really started flying. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So everyone was all like ‘The Space Emperor is totally gay and stuff’ so the Space Emperor made himself a Super Friend who likes playing with legos and reading books. So everyone was all like ‘the Space Emperor ain’t gay, he’s like lame’. So the Space Emperor made the Goddamn Batman Super Friend and everyone was all like AWESOME! – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
And the Space Emperor was at the height of his popularity so he went and made a Super Friend who was just like that guy on the Led Zeppelin covers. And he made him a vampire, but a good vampire, with a soul and everything and everyone was all like WOWHE’SLIKESOCOOL except for heterosexual men who were all like ‘he’s not so cool’. The next Super Friend had like Metal Hands and they called him Mr. Metal Hands but they called him that in Latin so he was cool too. He totally pimped the Space Emperor’s Ride. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
Then the Space Emperor made a Super Friend who was like, so cool, that this guy spontaneously combusted into PURE ENERGY and ascended into a higher plane. They say he’s a Rackham figure now. So the Space Emperor got real pissed off and made the Real Pissed Off Super Friend who was bald, and shouted and had spikes. He was kind of cool but not real cool and some people said the Super Friends had Jumped the Shark. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
And they were right cause like the next Super Friend really liked writing rules and following rules and they called him Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. And the next one had bad asthma and anemia and fallen arches and everyone was all like ‘he’ll never have toughness 5 with those medical problems’. So the Space Emperor real fast made another Super Friend but he worked too fast and he had only one eye and cost too many points but even so he had a lot going for him. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So the Space Emperor spent a lot (x2) of time on Mr. Super Awesome Loyal Guy who was like, super awesome and totally loyal. But he had a lame name which was Horace after the Space Emperor’s great uncle Horace who promised to leave him the house in the <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Hamptons</st1:city></st1:place> but left it to the Space Emperor’s sister instead. Then the Space Emperor made Mr. Choir Boy but most people think it was just a gesture to the religious right. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
And like everyone was all like how come you ain’t got no minorities in the Super Friends and the Space Emperor was all like ‘what about Apache Chief and Shogun’? but they were like what about Black Folks so the Space Emperor made Mr. Token Black Guy who was like black and stuff. And then everyone was all like ‘where’s your goth guy?’ so the Space Emperor made Mr. Goth Guy who was like all pale and depressed and wrote poems about lying with his dead girlfriend and all the Goths were like ‘meh’ which to a goth is like roXXor is to a real person. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
Finally the Space Emperor took all the little bitz and pieces he had left and made Last Guy who had nothing special about him and most people forget. But the Space Emperor was very (x2) happy because he had 20 little Super Friends to make him happy. But then Child Services took them all away because they heard the Space Emperor wasn’t feeding them enough skulls for breakfast. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So the Space Emperor set up stores all across the Malls of the Space Universe that sold little toy soldiers and told his faithful Red Shirts to look out for the bestest players because they would be the Super Friends. That’s how the Space Emperor got the band back together. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So the Space Emperor and the Super Friends won the Super-Universe Series of Warhammer where the prize was the whole Space Universe and a trip to Vegas. But when they went to Vegas some of the Super Friends got into Bad Stuff such as blackjack and hookers but without the blackjack. This led to Big Trouble. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
Johnny One-Eye got real (x2) drunk and kept calling the Space Emperor and this made the Space Emperor real (x2) mad cause he was on the can so he sent Wolverine down to make Johnny One-Eye shut the hell up. On the way down Wolverine gave Aquaman a weggie and that made Aquaman real (x2) sad so he sent like 20 pizzas to Wolverine’s room and this made Wolverine real (x2) mad. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So all the Super Friends were fighting and that sucked cause the Space Emperor was real (x2) hung-over cause in Vegas they give you free drinks as long as you’re gambling. So he was all like Mr. Super Awesome Loyal Guy can you clear this up please? And took some sleeping pills and went to sleep on this gold crapper they had cause the Space Emperor was in the Presidential Suite. So Mr. Super Awesome Loyal Guy was all cut it out guys Dad’s sleeping. But the Hot Pink Super Friend was all like ‘hey man, dad left his wallet out, wanna score some weed and pick up some chicks?” and Mr. Super Awesome Loyal Guy was all like “…” – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So half the Super Friends went out with the Space Emperor’s credit cards which were like Weapons Grade Plutonium Cards that only the Space Emperor, Donald Trump and the Frozen Corpse of Walt Disney have. And they like hired Denise Richards and Jessica Alba as strippers and like ate BBQ pandas and drank out of unicorn horns. It was like, awesome. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So the next morning the Space Emperor saw his wallet was missing and canceled his credit cards and the bad Super Friends were out taking joyrides on the Wright Flier and then like they got kicked out cause their credit was no good so they headed for the Space Emperor’s hotel to kick some butt. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
***
So the Good Super Friends and the Bad Super Friends were going to fight, it was like… the Challenge of the Super Friends. A few years ago we told that whole story in like, 3 pages, but now we’re telling the whole story in like 9 novels and 4 art books. So we’re not going to tell you who wins. – Sneak Preview of Codex Super Friends
