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Dear Mr. President,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force - Pay them
$1 million apiece severance with the following stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment
fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto
Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis
fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!

PS If more money is needed, have all members in Congress and their
constituents pay their taxes!

Buy American! Buy a Honda!

That would do it, except for that bit about Hondas, they're crap. Toyotas were great, now they have a maximum height restriction of 5' 8" and a max weight limit of about 150 pounds per person. If you don't believe me, try cramming five gamers into a corolla and driving them to the nearest all you can eat chinese buffet without it bottoming out on the first pothole. (I know at least three people who have destroyed cars dragging our fat butts around.
Also, destroy all credit card records and let everyone start fresh. It's all just 1's and 0's created out of thin air by the central bank after all.

hah I wipe my butt with your Toyotas!

If only it were so simple. Basic math indicates that this won't work for the following reasons:

40 000 000 x $1 000 000 payout = $40 000 000 000 000
That's a lot of zeros. Where do you figure this cash will come from?

40 000 000 x $40 000 cost of car = $16bn
Considering that $17.4bn has already been "loaned" to the auto industry, it is unlikely that an addition of $16bn will fix their problems.

Finally, your plan screws everyone who is just beyond your arbitrary "patriotic retirement" threshold. It would suck to be 49.

$40 Trillion dollars? That's just silly. (Second time I've said that today.)

sA

Well, a trillion here, a trillion there. Eventually it starts to add up to real money.

Lord Hat: The man who saved us with his 40 trillion dollar retired stimulus plan.


Sadly you can't really regulate forced american auto buying and the retiree market wasn't really the one that caused the housing crisis. As for having 40 million people leave their jobs, well thats kind of stupid. Unemployment is a little above 8% on average (last time i looked which was a bit back) which means that about 18 million people of the total adult population (not counting those that aren't in the employment statistics) will be able to take up those jobs (even though they likely won't have the correct training). Congratulations, you just caused a 22 million worker shortage by paying 40 trillion dollars.

You just killed the american economy and destroyed the dollar. How does it feel?


Where do you get this stuff? Is there a newsletter I can sign up for to make myself feel smarter? Or is this all you?

ShumaGorath wrote:

Where do you get this stuff? Is there a newsletter I can sign up for to make myself feel smarter? Or is this all you?

The newsletter doesn't make sense without the secret decoder ring, and you don't get that until you know the handshake which requires you to get the t-shirt first.

The above is plan B. Plan A involves several thousand patriotic citizens willing to que up and buy those lottery tickets.

Problem solved. QED.

Next week we're unveiling our plan to eliminate cancer by getting scientists to put cancer curing medicines into pills and selling them cheaply. WE were going to do global warming but building a fridge that size is proving awkward due to planning restructions. Honestly, it's political correctness gone mad !

warpcrafter wrote:That would do it, except for that bit about Hondas, they're crap. Toyotas were great, now they have a maximum height restriction of 5' 8" and a max weight limit of about 150 pounds per person. If you don't believe me, try cramming five gamers into a corolla and driving them to the nearest all you can eat chinese buffet without it bottoming out on the first pothole. (I know at least three people who have destroyed cars dragging our fat butts around.

Make all those people get a Scion xB (which is a Toyota product) which can easily fit 5 or so of the bigger fellows.

To be on topic, I hereby volunteer to be one of the 40 million (even though I am not old enough to qualify).

ShumaGorath wrote:Lord Hat: The man who saved us with his 40 trillion dollar retired stimulus plan.


Sadly you can't really regulate forced american auto buying and the retiree market wasn't really the one that caused the housing crisis. As for having 40 million people leave their jobs, well thats kind of stupid. Unemployment is a little above 8% on average (last time i looked which was a bit back) which means that about 18 million people of the total adult population (not counting those that aren't in the employment statistics) will be able to take up those jobs (even though they likely won't have the correct training). Congratulations, you just caused a 22 million worker shortage by paying 40 trillion dollars.

You just killed the american economy and destroyed the dollar. How does it feel?


Where do you get this stuff? Is there a newsletter I can sign up for to make myself feel smarter? Or is this all you?

I don't know whether to laugh at the failure to get the humor or drop a suspension for violating rule #1. Time to consult the Magic 8 Ball.


Wow that was completely unhelpful. Thanks for nothing Magic 8 Ball.

With Lord Hat can you really be sure that it was humor? Really? Can you? Given some of his previous comments I take nothing for granted.

Also that eightball was very helpful. Do what it says.

I can't. I'm old. "Party like Methuselah," just doesn't have the same effect.

Frazzled wrote:I can't. I'm old. "Party like Methuselah," just doesn't have the same effect.

Are you kidding? Methuselah have some crazy parties. Bloodplay, bondage, young girls, hypnotizing people, organizing their supernatural empires, they go all night!

Party like a grumpy old man, then.

It works for me after 6 cups of coffee.