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A while ago, some industrious writer on 4chan came up with ideas about what the toilets of the 41st millennium would be like.

Warning: Toilet humour. Sensible people may take offence.
(Probably a pointless warning then)

Great Toilet Stalls of the Astartes Legions

The Dark Angels - Only the Inner Circle knows where it is.

White Scars - Mounted on the weapons platform of an attack bike.

Space Wolves - A fire hydrant.

Imperial Fists - Is horribly uncomfortable, because the Emperor is probably fairly uncomfortable on his throne.

Blood Angels - When on the toilet, one may be overcome by The Brown Rage.

Iron Hands - Toilet may in fact be a sleeping tech-marine.

Ultramarines - Immaculate and clean, everyone hates them for this reason.

Salamanders - Well made, efficient and beloved by the people. The only fault one can find is the use of lava when flushing.

Raven Guard - Cannot be flushed as Corax himself mandated only he could do away with what was done as it is his responsibility.

Black Templar - Fairly difficult to use, because every time you do something in it, the fething thing rushes at you.

Adeptus Custodes - Eternally waiting for the Emperor to get finished using it.

Blood Ravens - Still looking for theirs. They happen to have one that just covers waste in dust, though.

Angry Marines - Have no use for a toilet as they, in fact, gak plasma grenades.

Bone Dragons- Relatively normal, but after you use it, you get hard. And I'm not talking about a boner.

Minotaurs - gak really fast in enemy toilets before running away.

Lamenters - Perfectly fine until they try to flush...

Pretty Marines- Pretty Marines gak rose petals and piss liquid gold. Thus, no toilets. But if there WERE Pretty Marine toilets, they'd match the drapes and be embossed with beautiful diamonds and rubies and silver.

Accursed Toilets of the Traitor Legions

Emperor's Children - Everyone takes it in turns being the toilet.

Iron Warriors - Difficult to get to with all the razorwire and trenches, may turn out to have merely been a decoy with no actual toilet in there.

Night Lords - Stall walls are covered in horrible graffiti art, toilet constantly screams.

Legion of the Damned - Appears before you, but only if you have to go Number 3.

World Eaters - Mostly destroyed when figuring out how to flush the toilets enraged the berserkers.

Death Guard - Trust me, you don't wanna use them.

Thousand Sons - When flushed, waste is merely covered in dust.

Red Corsairs - Toilets are stolen from loyalist stalls.

Black Legion - No toilets of their own, constantly trying to use the ones on Cadia.

Word Bearers - Fairly normal aside from the hymns playing in the stall speakers, until you realize it's out of paper and must ask the dark gods for some.

Other Toilets of the Imperium

Imperial Guard - Each Guardsman is equipped with a chamberpot. Soldiers who fail to recite the Litany of Smooth Passage while using their chamberpot will be shot by the commissar. Company and regimental stalls compress the waste into tightly packed, high density shells and then fires them at the enemy via rear-mounted cannon. Earthshakers aren't called earthshakers for nothing.

Catachans - Don't need them, too busy flinging their waste at the enemy in the first place.

Tanith - Appears without warning when you need to take a gak, and is gone by the time you've finished pulling your pants up.

Colonel-Commissar Commissar Gaunt discovers an STC capable of producing flush toilets but destroys it, correctly perceiving that it has been tainted by Chaos for no clear reason.

Valhallan 597th - Appears normal, but the cleanest, most efficient, and best-looking stall is conspicuously hidden behind the rest, next to the nastiest stall in the Imperium. Also, all their seats are made of ice.

Mordian Iron Guard - Every Guardsman has his own toilet, and gaks in perfect sync with the rest of the unit.

Inqusitorial Toiletry

Daemonhunters - The best toilets in the Imperium, capable of flushing any amount of waste with impossible ease. Unfortunately, they are highly expensive and after you use them, there's a possibility of mind scrubbing or summary execution.

Witchhunters - PURGE YOUR WASTE WITH HOLY PROMETHIUM IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!

Eldar Toiletry

Eldar toilets, coupled with a diet of cheese and spicy foods, are designed to make gaking as uncomfortable as possible. Rumor has it that Eldrad Ulthran designed the currently used forms.

Ulthwe - All toilets teleport their waste through the webway to preset points in space and time, causing little bits of Eldar gak to land atop your helmet at just the wrong moment. Just as planned.

Saim-Hann - Screams around at insane speeds throughout the craftworld, allowing the user to engage in flying joust matches of doom while relieving himself.

Dark Eldar - ...do you really want to stick an exposed part of your body inside something made by the Dark Eldar?

Tau Toiletry

Tau - Each caste has its own specific type of toilet.

The Fire Caste's toilets are optional wargear for their battlesuits.

The Earth Caste install toilets right into their worker drones, in case they need to pinch a loaf while designing said battlesuit.

The Air Caste simply gak into long vials (their long, slender bodies produce long, slender gaks) and use them as bombs in air raids.

The Water Caste will simply fashion a toilet out of the bodies of the Imperial diplomats that declare war on them.

The Ethereals have evolved to the point where they gak morale in its purest, sweetest form. And they don't even need to wipe afterward!

Kroot - Quietly spread throughout the galaxy to every species. With every subsequent flush, the toilet becomes more and more adapted to handling that species' gak.

Farsight Enclave - Of the highest caliber technology, but only one is allowed per 3 battalions. His toilets are also cracked, dirty and fixed many times. They're also very low and tell the user that he "needs to shorten his reach." Also, they are either glowing with ungodly energies or not.

Gue'vasa - Tau give port-o-potties to human settlements as to encourage joining the Greater Good. They're so helpful they even wipe for you. The disinfectant it sprays afterwords, however, renders you sterile and then tags you to be escorted to a work camp.

Other assorted plumbing

Orks - Painted red. Has a mounted Big Shoota and Bigga Choppa in case there's a line and the other Boyz are getting impatient. It only flushes because they truly believe it has a plumbing system. In some cases, however, Orky toilets are actually a sneaky grot trick to loot your arse.

Necron - Ever wonder what those Monoliths were originally designed for? Effects vary depending on which C'tan.

Void Dragon's leaves you with a robotic ass and no need to ever crap again.

The Deceiver's - The best toilet in the universe, but it flushes backwards.

Tyranid Bio-toilets - Actually a subspecies of Gaunt.

Squats - They're short, wide and full of beer, but no one believes they exist anymore.

Alpha Legion

All previous toilets may in fact be an Alpha Legion toilet.

Emperors bowls, the Emperors Children one made me Groan.

Viva la 4chan

Also Alpha Legion Lulz

Can I cut myself and cry in the corner now? I think I ran out of laugh.

Dude

Have I upset you guys?

LOL

How does the 3 seashells thing work?

You don't know how to use the three sea shells?
Hey He doesn't know how to use the three sea shells!

Doesn't he? Really?


Neither do I.

lolol

Saw this one a while back, still rather lulzy.

LOL. Post count up!

dark eldar one was the best
then white scars

Naw man, the Alpha Legion one had me in stitches

ojk9 wrote:Doesn't he? Really?


Neither do I.

I second this.

For me Ork one was the best. Especially "Orky toilets are actually a sneaky grot trick to loot your arse" that was bloody brilliant!!!! i can so picture a grot or even an ork doing that and then running away laughing because the grot or ork though it was a good thing they stole.

lol that was awsome
4chan is the toliet of the internet

I wanted to add some of my own, but the writer covered every faction and race by the looks of it.

Callidus Toilets: Often look like enemy toilets and are made within 1 inch of enemy tiolets.
Culexus Toilets: Scare the gak out of psykers and make others feel uncomfortable.
Vindicare Toilets: Have an attached scope for long distance shots.

Hah, almost got myself in trouble at work for the Alpha legion one!

What about the Golden Throne?

Read above: It's the Custodes toilet, but the Emperor borrowed it and is still using it.