Switch Theme:

Space Marines Story: The Fall Of Soul Drinkers  [RSS] Share on facebook Share on Twitter Submit to Reddit
»
Author Message
Advert


Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:
  • No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
  • Times and dates in your local timezone.
  • Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
  • Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
  • Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.
If you are already a member then feel free to login now.




Made in hr
A Skull at the Throne of Khorne




Dubrovnik, Croatia

"The doors were bashed... Lifeless bodies were lying everywhere... Blood was spilled on the walls of the room... Liberion's face was shocked... His fellow Exorcists were slain... He pretended like he doesn't care but his fellow Assault Marines could feel how much he was shaken by the way he stared at the man who was standing in the middle of the room, with his back turned to them..."

1 month earlier...

Force Commander Covenant walked nervousely in the atrium of great Emperor's temple, while he was expecting new orders for his chapter - glorious Soul Drinkers. One of the Emperor's soldiers exited through doors and gave him a paper. He exited the building and continued walking. As he was entering his Razorback he slowly started reading. On paper was written with bold black letters.

THE ORDERS: MERCILESSLY DESTROY SAVAGE ORKS ON PTERRAH III. NO MERCY! NO EXECPTIONS! NO SURVIVORS!

He heard for Pterrah III; and wasnt't happy that he had to do the cleaning of that sector, because that place was known for great Ork activity. Many tried to stop them but they were always coming back. Always. He knew that he mustn't stray from the way Emperor proscribed for him, because he was one of the finest Force Commanders of the Crusade.
He came to his chapters headquarters and started preparing for battle. First thing he had to do was telling his men where they're goin'. They were happy and eager, but he knew that something bad is going to happen. He didn't knew what, but he just had that feeling.
Next morning, as he was putting his equipment on and as he was cleaning his plasma gun he was very nervous, but he entered the transport ship when the minute came.
1000 were sent on that dark planet in dark hour of war. but he somehow knew that none is returning home.
The travel went fine. They were briefed during the flight by the Emperor himself. They were told that they must hold on alone for one week. And then reinforcements will be sent, to finish the battle off. For that reason they were given only five Dreadnoughts and one Predator. They landed in something what once was Holy city of emperor - Perasgia, and in the same moment started unpacking the base. As the defences were set they started scout missions, and haven't seen any of the Orks. First day was silent. Too silent...
Covenant went asleep lately, as he was concerned for his men in this wild urban jungle. He felt like someone is watching on him all the time. But he couldn't know that was the energy of Warp what was integrated in this tainted land for a long period of years. All the night, souls of the fallen Chaos legions hounded him, and telling him that there is no hope. That theyre going to die. When he woke up next morning he felt like a voice is stil repeating that sentence. "You're going to die." Early in the morning his men started patrolling. After some time he heard shots downtown. After that he heard big explosion. His men embarked in two Razorbacks. When they came on the place they had something to see. His men were pinned in old building by the group of around 200 orks. They were badly outnumbered. The second shocking thing was destroyed Dreadnought which was lying in the street. That explosion obviously destroyed its leg, and left it unoperative... They hoped they can extract it and repair it.
Covenant disembarked and shouted: "For Dorn! For the Emperor and for freedom!"
He saw that his men are glad to see him and the rest of their fellow Space Marines. Bullets were flying everywhere and in few minutes orks were forced to retreat. While Covenant was aiming his next target through chrossair of his bolter gun he saw something he wasn't expecting to see. He was shocked. He saw a girl crying on the edge of the street. As he aproached slowly she just turned her head. She had black eyes and black hair. Her teardrops were bloody, and she just screamed: "You're goin' to die!" And then dissapeared... Covenant started doubting his mental health. He wasn't clear was that just an vision or reality. That thought hounded him as he was returning to base.
Dreadnought is operative but static, he won't be able to move as his leg was torn apart.
Day finished with another battle. One marine wounded. 54 orks dead. Covenant felt that something is going on. Orks are preparing something. This night he again had nightmares. But this time he dreamed battle. He was shooting blind and when the haze dissapeared he saw he killed his own men. Again he saw that girl. She held the hand of one Terminator. When he appoached the girl dissapeared. He removed the helmet of fallen corpse and started running back... The face beneath the helmet was his face.
He woke up, and felt like he hasn't slept at all. He was very tired, and he felt a terrible pain in his right hand. When he was putting on the armor he watched at it more closely. It looked like it was burned with plasma gun, but he knew that orks don't have that kind of weapon, and he wasn't shot in battle that happened yesterday. The burn looked awful. It was black, and it was in circular shape.
This time he decided that he will go in battle too. This was his third day on Pterrah III and he wanted to finally get some real action. While his men were putting their helmets on he looked on their faces. They looked like they are very tired. He had the feeling like he isn't the only one hounded by that mysterious dark energy. They've put chapter banner on predator and embarked in venichles. Two Dreadnoughts with flamethrowers, one Predator and two Razorbacks...
The convoy started moving really fast. They knew their objective. Early in the morning scout squad reported a Ork camp. They were now on their way to destroy it. On the middle of the way two Warturkks showed from nowhere.
Predator swiftly destroyed one of them but second one got away.
Covenant just sighed and said : "Damn Ork scout scum!! Now they know we are coming. Marines!!! Prepare for tough battle! They will feel absolution through death!"
When they came on the outskirts of the base they heard a terrible growl of Ork Kommando Nob: "Orks!! Kill da humies!!"
Assault marines disembarked, but while they were flying through air one of the Marines was shot in jetpack and in the same moment crashed on the ground. He wasn't dead, but he was surrounded by 100 orks. He just put his gun in his hand and shouted: "Now the time is dark, my fate shines!!"... He immideatly started firing on green menace. They were falling but in next moment he was shot first time. In the other moment has chest was pierced by the giant orkish knife. His last words were: "I lived and i died... For the Emperor"
Space Marines who saw this scenes started fighting like frenzyed animals. The battle was more brutal than usually. Space Marines thought that they were winning this battle but they fell into Orkish trap. In one moment enormous masses of Shoota Boyz started coming out of caves. Dreadnoughts weren't enough to stop this mass of marching green menace. Space Marines started falling pierced by the bullets. They couldn't stand against a mass that was 20 times stronger than they were. Covenant felt a great pain, but he somehow became stronger and enraged by the vision of his army falling down. He shouted without thinking: "Come my minions!! Let us steal their souls and feast on their blood!".
Marines regruped, Predator entrenched and started firing. In one moment from woods exited two Looted Tanks. One of them was destroyed in the same moment. Second one fired on Space Marines and Covenant started running and midlessly spilling green guts out. In the second moment he saw Kommando Nob surrounded by his nobs. He felt a terrible pain in his right hand, and raised it in air. Energy started flowing through it. And it wasn't Emperors holy energy. It was something more ancient. It was evil and wicked. Kommando was torn apart by that evil stream. in one moment armor on Covenant's hand broke and his hand was free. He could see how that burn spread. Now his veins were black, and unholy energy flowed through them. In the next moment he saw that little girl besides him laughing and enjoying the destruction.
When he saw his men fighting he battlecryed: "Rend the flesh from their bones! None can stand before us!"
All of the marines started fighting like crazy. Orks were scared and started running away when they saw Covenant holding their Kommando's head in his hand, and laughing like crazy. Covenant shouted: "YOU WEAKLINGS! CAN NO ONE OFFER ME A CHALLENGE!?!". In the next moment Covenant fell on the floor... His squad took his body to base. He woke up 2 days after. First thing he has done was looking on his hand. The burn spread through whole arm. When he looked himself in the mirror he saw that his face is ruined. His eyes were red, and his hair was white. He couldn't recognise himself. And whats worse. His hand ached.

I will continue writing this... please give your oppinions and critics

This message was edited 4 times. Last update was at 2009/05/02 21:30:18


WE ARE BACK AND WE ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!
Offical Xfire Slipknot Clan
JOIN US!
 
   
Made in us
Leutnant







not bad, just curious to know when this had happened compared to the Soul Drinker's novels, i am guessing it is before the 1st Chapter War? other wise its not bad hope to read more



Ketara wrote:
Would you willingly associate with murderers, rapists, or alien invaders? Tournament Gamers are all of these things! Vicious grasping WAAC scumbags who will stop at nothing to win a game! They'll arrange for your family to be murdered just to distract you enough for them to win! Be warned! Be aware! Shun these foul abominations wherever they may appear!
~Brought by the Dakka Casual Gaming Mafia~



 
   
Made in us
Executing Exarch






Odenton, MD

To many ellipses....


Otherwise a worthwhile read.
   
Made in hr
A Skull at the Throne of Khorne




Dubrovnik, Croatia

Sorry Garuss Acine but this is purely fictional... I havent placed it in any time period =(...
I am not using any elements from novels... I have an idea which i would like to keep in secret but it includes heresy so it will be very interesting to read

WE ARE BACK AND WE ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!
Offical Xfire Slipknot Clan
JOIN US!
 
   
Made in us
Leutnant







CRO_Knight wrote:Sorry Garuss Acine but this is purely fictional... I havent placed it in any time period =(...
I am not using any elements from novels... I have an idea which i would like to keep in secret but it includes heresy so it will be very interesting to read


well it is all fictional if you want to get technical, that's all i needed to know, thanks for the answer



Ketara wrote:
Would you willingly associate with murderers, rapists, or alien invaders? Tournament Gamers are all of these things! Vicious grasping WAAC scumbags who will stop at nothing to win a game! They'll arrange for your family to be murdered just to distract you enough for them to win! Be warned! Be aware! Shun these foul abominations wherever they may appear!
~Brought by the Dakka Casual Gaming Mafia~



 
   
Made in hr
A Skull at the Throne of Khorne




Dubrovnik, Croatia

I've wrote a new part... If you like you can read it

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/05/02 18:39:21


WE ARE BACK AND WE ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!
Offical Xfire Slipknot Clan
JOIN US!
 
   
Made in us
Leutnant







ok, besides it being hard to follow, there are a few errors you are leaving, the first is that an entire chapter is made up of no more than 1000 marines, so to send that many is near suicidal for any chapter and is rarely if ever done, another problem is you giving the marine more human like emotions, they don't get nervous, they don't fear, the only time a marine falls back is when he is regrouping with his battle brothers to strike again, you are showing them as weak, emotion humans and that just isn't how they are, the only emotion a marine will show is hate, he will attack without hesitation, Marines are hard to write about, and nothing against you, you just not catching it right, i have started a short story, and i found the hardest part was to write how the Marine would react, it took writing the same scene five times roughly to get it right, some good advice is to find some other Marine stories that have been published(yes that means go out and buy them) and see how the marines react to different things, i went back and read the Soul Drinkers Omnibus a second time just to get an idea of the mentality of the marines, well thats all i got for now, hope to see more



Ketara wrote:
Would you willingly associate with murderers, rapists, or alien invaders? Tournament Gamers are all of these things! Vicious grasping WAAC scumbags who will stop at nothing to win a game! They'll arrange for your family to be murdered just to distract you enough for them to win! Be warned! Be aware! Shun these foul abominations wherever they may appear!
~Brought by the Dakka Casual Gaming Mafia~



 
   
Made in hr
A Skull at the Throne of Khorne




Dubrovnik, Croatia

Garuss Acine wrote:another problem is you giving the marine more human like emotions, they don't get nervous, they don't fear, the only time a marine falls back is when he is regrouping with his battle brothers to strike again, you are showing them as weak, emotion humans and that just isn't how they are, the only emotion a marine will show is hate, he will attack without hesitation


Hmmm... But thats the thing i am trying to show... Covenant and his marines are affected by the energy of the Warp... I am trying to make them more humanlike because these emotions are going to become hate against the Emperor because promissed reinforcements in the end wont come... Only an Inquisitor to watch over their progress... After they tell him that they dont need his presence, he figures out that great heresy has started to unfold... and he calls Exorcists chapter to destroy soul drinkers (those guys who fight deamons and chaos soldiers)... I planned to explain in the end that this war between the chapters was forgotten because it would be a too great shame for Emperium....

Hmmm for a problem with following a plot sorry, but i am not from english speaking country, and i am trying to write it so readers can understand it...

For a numbers of chapter soldiers... Yes i know that soul drinkers have just 500 soldiers... But on that way sending them to hold on on some planet would be a stupid suicidal mission... And this could happen anytime... I've done that for a reason

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/05/03 12:23:48


WE ARE BACK AND WE ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!
Offical Xfire Slipknot Clan
JOIN US!
 
   
 
Forum Index » Dakka Fiction
Go to: