Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

I need to vent....

Havent seen my son in 3 years and 5 months. Mostly due to my outragous child support, the cost of multiple round trip tickets to oregon from virginia, and my Ex's unwillingness to help with travel expenses....oh, and virginias total disdain for the Father in divorce cases.

I have in my divorce agreement that I am entitled to liberal and reasonable visitation with my son. Since my agreement hasnt been updated for her leaving the state for oregon (because hiring lawyers will mean you dont eat for several months) I dont have any visitation guidlines concerning long-distance visitation.

This year, since my 'live-in' GF now has a good job and I've gotten a couple of raises, I was planning on seeing my son REGARDLESS of costs for two months this summer. I was ready to buy a round trip ticket for myself and an open-ended round trip ticket for my son so that my Ex could come and pick him up ANY TIME.

She refuses to purchase a ticket for herself to come pick him up. In order to get him out here, I have to provide proof that I have purchased a ticket for myself to RETURN him at the end of his visit.

...and it gets even better...

She will not allow me to have him for a full two months because "He doesnt know me anymore" Gee...I wonder why you Fething Witch.

So she's allowing me to have him for a maximum of two weeks....and I still have to pay all travel costs. Close to 1000 dollars in plane tickets for two weeks with my son.

I cant stand it.

I feel very sorry for you,your ex-wife sounds rather unreasonable.Well at least you get 2 weeks with him,how old is he?

6

Would the 6 year old be flying by himself?

The alternative is drive there.

You have the legal ability to enforce but like all things legal, its the money stupid. Justice is a law student's dream.

Frazzled wrote:Would the 6 year old be flying by himself?

No, this will be me flying to oregon to accompany him here to virginia, then flying him BACK out there and returning home to virginia.

The alternative is drive there.

Thats not an alternative. Driving to oregon from virginia, then back to VA....then after the visit is over....driving BACK clear across the entire country, then back to virginia.

No way. Considering hotel costs, gas, and food, it would probably be MORE costly and definatly riskier than flying.

Driving might be a the better choice,maybe you could get to know each other a little more on the ride home.

Oh man, sorry to hear this is still going on.

Chin up and that.

..I take it, seeing as you were going to see him for 2 months, it wouldn't be possible for you to rent somewhere near him for a few weeks at least ? I guess this would of course depend upon your $ and vacation situation.

Would it maybe be possible to have him flown/similar ( Fed Exed ? ) to you and then say the two of you take a road trip back towards his home ? Unless Hollywood has lied to me that is one the life goals of every American father, right ?

EDIT : I guess the distances involved.. and the gakky price for petrol kills that don't it. Sorry.

Deadshane1 wrote:Since my agreement hasnt been updated for her leaving the state for oregon (because hiring lawyers will mean you dont eat for several months)

I suggest you hire a lawyer, and get it over with once and for all instead of letting these smaller issues add up probably costing you waaaaay
more $ and problems on the long run.

Dakka is here to help! how much for your GW armies?

Deff Dread red Edition wrote:Driving might be a the better choice,maybe you could get to know each other a little more on the ride home.

2465 miles one way? No thanx.

Check your PMs Deadshane1

,maybe Luna's right hiring a lawyer and getting this all sorted might be less expensive then having to fight you're wife over travel costs.


(Edited because it was rather less helpful than I wanted.)

Sorry to hear, man, that's rough.

While not married or with child myself (and hopefully not for a long time yet), I've heard so many stories of good guys who get screwed over in divorces just because laws have a tendency of favoring the wife regardless of evidence to the contrary. It's a shame, and is a prime example of rules based on sexist premises (never hear feminists complaining about this point, eh? - but this is tangential to the original topic).

As Deff Dread says, though, at least you get to see your son for 2 weeks. I hope that your ex doesn't try to cause even more issues for you.

As an aside: What part of VA or you from, out of curiosity (I used to live right across the border in MD near DC).

Remember Jin for as many stories about ex wives there are as many stories about psychotic ex husbands. Stalking ex husbands are particularly fun.

LunaHound wrote:

Deadshane1 wrote:Since my agreement hasnt been updated for her leaving the state for oregon (because hiring lawyers will mean you dont eat for several months)

I suggest you hire a lawyer, and get it over with once and for all instead of letting these smaller issues add up probably costing you waaaaay
more $ and problems on the long run.

Dakka is here to help! how much for your GW armies?

I know...I'm going to have to. It will be some time though as I cannot start a serious series of court visits right now. I'm about to get a gov't job and move to Texas.

Basically I have to bend over, grab my ankles, relax and enjoy it until my move and change of employment are complete. Which doesnt help me right now.

You know, its funny. My GF says that my Ex should be happy and supportive of me wanting to see my son....so many divorced fathers out there simply give up and disappear.

...I can understand why fathers give up...after destroying a wooden shed door last night (I almost broke my hand), sobbing for about an hour and a half, then throwing another angry tantrum about how a trashy and unfaithful woman and her family destroying unemployed husband can dictate the relationship of a city employee of 3 years who lives by a moral code and his innocent 6 year old son.

Something is wrong with the system.

Hmm.... i was thinking.... Forget the trip for now , save up the money for the lawyer ( we agreed we'll eventually need it right? )
BUT for now, how about arrange some online video chats with your son? like web cam and such? surely the judge will be lenient to let you have some of those.

So arrange some web cam sessions , buy him his favorite toy and show him on the web cam , and tell him you'll magically get special santa
to delivery it to him ( before christmas! )

This way, he'll be always happy to see you , and will remember you!

*on a side note , that jealousy thing in your sig isnt very nice. would you remove it for me?

They tend to side with women and I am sure there are alot of angry fathers out there.Maybe you could find some sort of a support group to help you out,a place where you can vent and perhaps get advice.

Dumb question number 2 time.

I guess lawyers are expensive from what has been said, but is there no Citizen's Advice Burea ( or equivalent) that could at least direct you to some cheaper or even free legal help ? If the original divorce settlement was based around her and him both being in the same state then presumably the change in circumstance would be grounds for this to be looked at again.

....or maybe, is there anyone you know from work who might be willing to help you out ?


...Reading that back I'd best clarify by saying I meant that you must come into contact with a fair few lawyers and other legal professionals who might be able to help. I wasn't meaning using your "customers".

....although...

Edit; never mind I see you have now.

reds8n wrote:Dumb question number 2 time.

I guess lawyers are expensive from what has been said, but is there no Citizen's Advice Burea ( or equivalent) that could at least direct you to some cheaper or even free legal help ? If the original divorce settlement was based around her and him both being in the same state then presumably the change in circumstance would be grounds for this to be looked at again.

....or maybe, is there anyone you know from work who might be willing to help you out ?


...Reading that back I'd best clarify by saying I meant that you must come into contact with a far few lawyers and other legal professionals who might be able to help. I wasn't meaning using your "customers".

....although...

You dont bump into many "Family Law" lawyers in the jail.

Family law issues generally arent free. Concerning these issues, the system is really screwed up...it isnt about relationships between parents and their children. Its about money, money, money....like so many other things.

It just isnt right.

........................................

By the way, my thanx to dakka. I posted this here needing a little support today...and you guys dont disappoint. I feel a little better already.

Its the toughest issue that I've ever had to go thru in my entire life...being seperated from my kid. Sometimes...a guy just can't help it, and he breaks down.

Be cool Deadshane.

On the positive move to Texas and you can in fact drive there from here.

Deadshane does America not have a Citizens Advice Bureau type thing that you could speak to for some advice to try and get around the heavy legal costs?

But I am sorry to hear that, I've seen the fathers for justice rallies in London over here and spoken to a few of them, its just not fething right

99MDeery wrote:Deadshane does America not have a Citizens Advice Bureau type thing that you could speak to for some advice to try and get around the heavy legal costs?

But I am sorry to hear that, I've seen the fathers for justice rallies in London over here and spoken to a few of them, its just not fething right

If they do I havent been able to find them....

Sorry going a little off topic,you work as a guard at a prison right?

Just out of intrest how is the pay?

Deadshane1 wrote:

99MDeery wrote:Deadshane does America not have a Citizens Advice Bureau type thing that you could speak to for some advice to try and get around the heavy legal costs?

But I am sorry to hear that, I've seen the fathers for justice rallies in London over here and spoken to a few of them, its just not fething right

If they do I havent been able to find them....

Thats a shame really it seems odd that America doesn't have at least one office like that, but then again with the different state system I imagine its one thing for one state one for another etc.

Still again i'm sorry to hear what your going through, I hope it gets resolved soon, it just aint right.

Ah, point. Just thought they might at least be able to steer you towards someone who might be able to help. Figured you've probably tried this, but... well.... worth checking I figured.

By the way, my thanx to dakka

To steal a phrase from Mr. Frazzled : Aw shucks.

.. course, you haven't seen our bill yet either.

Sounds like you still need cheering up. What would appeal to a red blooded septic like yourself ..? Ah. I know.
explosions and boobs (click on the pics for "moar" )

MILDLY NWS-- it's not too bad though.

They sometimes have local state services depending on the issue, and local groups. However, the majority of that stuff is in regards to criminal.

Frazzled wrote:Remember Jin for as many stories about ex wives there are as many stories about psychotic ex husbands. Stalking ex husbands are particularly fun.

Oh, no doubt. I'm not saying there aren't.

What I'm saying, or was trying to imply (poorly, apparently), is that every case should be looked at in a case by case situation, and not to automatically assume one parent is better than the other merely as a matter of gender. Like I was saying previously, I've heard of lots of good guys who have lost out on lots of rights to seeing their children merely because divorce laws favor the mother, who in these particular situations happened to be vindictive and petty.

Granted, I'm definitely not advocating blindly favoring the father either - I'm sure in a lot of cases, like you said, there're ex-husbands who really shouldn't be in custody of children.

Deadshane's post calls for...a caper!

Unfortunately, my car is no good for this as it's American. Anyone drive a foreign car?

I've got a Honda.

Do I hear rumblings of a Dakka Road Trip?

Try to look on the positive side. Two weeks is a good start. I know it's tough but just concentrate on how fantastic it will be to see your son and think less about the witch.

G