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Also to be known as the thread of childish spite.

So, here is the scenario. Despite being something akin to all powerful in the known sciences, some foolish fool has seen fit to cross you. Perhaps they have leaked your latest genius research project to Evil Corp, who churn it out before you. Or decided in a pique of religious zealotry, you are playing God and have sabotaged an experiment, causing it to go horribly wrong, then demanded you clear up their mess. And should they be particularly troublesome, they might deign to ensure (somehow) that they, and not you, get the last pint of Hobgoblin out the Barrell.

So how do you punish such insolence?? How dare they meddle in your affairs! Your genius is being applied for the betterment of mankind at the moment, and they clearly have failed to consider what would happen should your collossal intellect be turned to the detriment of one particular, final pint thieving member of the human race?

Get the toys out lads.....it's time for vengance!

Me? I think I would capture them, treat them well for the early part, offering my forgiveness, then just when they feel confident BAM! relocate their testicles, cord and all, from the happysack to the balls of their feet, so that each foot step will remind them of their arrogant folly!

But what would you do?

In order of pain

*employ TNT
*force them to be a Mod on Dakka.

But how would you employ TNT? Treat them like Grannies Moggy on Guy Fawkes Night and shove it lit up their jacksie? Or perhaps, using said genius, lace it through their blood, following up with the forced consumption of a Curry Hell, from Curry Capital, Bigg Market, Newcastle Upon Tyne?

Id make them carry on a conversation with someone who loves to preach religion.

That will make them commit sucide which would solve all my problems.

Make them 'moderate' a debate between Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore. In a closed room with no ventilation. After a three-bean burrito lunch with beans on the side.

Stick bamboo under their nails.

Well, first, I'd like to employ my playbook, book one of Dante's The Divine Commedy, also known as The Inferno. I find Frederick's capes (fastening someone into a lead shell and then slow roasting them over a fire as the lead deforms around them), as referenced in there to be particularly appealing.

Slipping ever-increasing doses of Jimson Weed can lead to some interesting results in the target.

Death by papercut for the silly form, I mean, that would take a looooong time.

If you want to learn 'em, may I suggest a fairly simple beat-down, along with a bucket and some electricity. Not all that creative, but decidedly effective.

To quote Marceles Wallace " A pair of plyers & a blow torch".

Is this a social experiment? An attempt to gauge how fethed up people on the internet can be?

MINIONS!!! TO THE VENTURE COMPOUND, ASAP!!!

Make them sleep with a woman's rugby team. ugghhh. . . just gives me shivers typing it.

Multiple women=bad?
Even I know that's a good thing.

Have them pursued across the gobi desert by a pack of crazed mules.

Cheese Elemental wrote:Multiple women=bad?
Even I know that's a good thing.

Not if YOURE bad. Theyll tell you to GTFO.

Let loose the Gothopotamous.

I kill his kids, I kill his wives, I kill his parents and his parents' friends. I burn down the houses he lives in and the place he works in, I kills people that owe him money. And like that




I'm gone. Underground. Nobody will ever seen me again. I become a myth, a spook story that dakkaites tell their kids at night.

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:But how would you employ TNT?

First, you have to give it $10.50/hour with an 8 hour workday and an hour lunch.
Second, you have to give it full benefits, including medical/dental/vision.
Thirdly, you have to give it 30 sick days a year and a full week's paid vaction.

I would do the good old cut off their eyelids so they have to watch when you kill their family in front of them using nothing but a hot poker.
Give them a taste of strait-jacketed sensory deprivation until they break, but stop before they go crazy.
Then, bury them up to their neck in sand, with their hands sticking out of the sand in front of them. Douse the hands in petrol, set them on fire.
Finally, pour jam on their head and release the bears, ir dig them up and force them through a fine mesh.

So, this is pretty much a "how sadistic are you" thread, then?

If it's taking a sadistic turn....

A little torture technique I applied to a particularly truculent Vampire Thrall during my first Daemon Game.

For this particular method you will required the following items, readily available in most households.

1. Hammer.
2. Two 6" Nails.
3. A sponge.
4. A couple of wirewool pads.
5. A bucket (plastic or metal)
6. Some ordinary household Bleach.

Note that for the more technically adept, items 1. and 2. can be substituted for a Nailgun.

Simply pin the offender to the wall using the nails (which is where the hammer comes in of course. Handy for bashing things in those). Then begin the questioning. Ideally after they've finished blubbing like a big girls blouse to ensure clarity of speech. Now everyone knows liars are dirty boys. And what do we do to Dirty Boys? Thats right! We clean them up. Begin the cleansing process with the wirewool. Nothing like a vigorous exfoliation on the skin. Now sadly, bleeding from various minor abrasions causes more mess. So dispense the Bleach into the Bucket, and apply liberally to the 'interviewee' wherever he might be bleeding on. Presto! Cleansing anti-bacterial fun for the whole family!*

















*Interviewee may have a different definition of fun to the family interrogating!

I was gonna call you guys sick englishmen, but then I thought of the tower of london and realized it goes without saying.

Less of the English thank you!

Hmmm, putting them up at the Tower isn't such a bad idea, get some new ravens to peck out eyes.

I would turn the transgressor into some sort of horrible, inhuman monster, but in doing so I would also make them dangerous enough to one day kill me for revenge.

I'm smart like that.

Falconlance wrote:I was gonna call you guys sick englishmen, but then I thought of the tower of london and realized it goes without saying.

No, if I wanted to be sick I would use Mad Doc Grotsnik's wire wool technique after the sensory deprivation, then replace the sand with salt. After the hand burning, I would just leave them to be dessicated alive.