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I found this while cleaning out my shed... enjoy.

It wuz da night before Orksmas,
when all thru da hut
Nuffin' wuz stirrin'
'cept for some grot.

Da holstas wuz hung by
da smoke-hole way up
In hopes dat Yellowsquigg
would finally show up.

Da gretchin wuz curled-up
all crammed in da hall,
While dreams of sugar-squigs
tromped in dere skullz.

And da boss in 'Eavy armor,
and me in my flak,
Had just settled our brainz
an jumped in our sacks.

When out by da drops
dere wuz such a big fuss,
I jumped from my rack
ta shoot wot it wuz.

Over to da gunport
I stumbled wiff a crunch,
Tore open da shutters
and threw up my lunch!

Da spotlights wuz shining
Wif an eye-hurtin' glow,
Lit up bright as day
wuz da drops down below.

When wot did my wandering
eyeball should shows,
but a 'uge battlewagon
and eight right 'ard boyz.

Wiff a gnarled old kaptin,
and a toof box so big,
I knew right off
Dat it must be Yellowsquigg.

Faster than speed freaks,
His flash gitz dey came,
An he growled an shouted
an called out dere names:

Now Chinwart! Now Chopgob!
Now Bogbreff and Bigzit!
On Stumpy! On Stinkfoot!
On Lardbutt an dat other git!

To da top of da pillbox!
To da top of da wall!
Now Dakka-dakka Dakka-Dakka
Dakka-Dakka All!

Like a war boar dat
has been shot in da gut,
When dey sees sumpin move,
dey charge and dey butt.

So right for da hut da
gitz stomped dere shoes,
With a wagon full of teef,
and Kaptin Yellowsquigg too!

An den in a bit,
I heard on the walls,
Da poundin' and pinging
uv lotsa shoota shells.

As I pulled in my skull
an took my slugga in hand,
Down thru da roof
Yellowsquigg came wiff his band!

He wuz fitted wiff Bioniks from
'Is skull to 'is foots,
An his gear wuz all grimey
Wiff wot wuz left of da grotz.

A bag uv loot he had
tossed over 'is back,
And he looked like a mekboy
wiff 'is favorite tool pack.

'Is eyes - how dey glared!
'Is teef - How enormous!
'Is hide wuz like leather!
'Is nose like a fungus!

'Is great gaping gob wuz
Givin' out a smelly blow,
And da hair-squigg on 'is chin
wuz yellow like da snow.

Dat hat on 'iz head
Wuz fancy 'an blue
Wiff a big jolly grot
stuck on it wiff glue!

He had a ugly mug
an' a cast iron spleen!
Dat growled when he laffed
like a face-eater wotz mean!

He wuz nasty an' vicious
a right hard old git!
An' he laffed when he saw uz,
an spit in 'iz mitt!

A squint of 'is eye an'
a kick from 'is boot,
Dat let me knowz
he wuz after our loot!

Dey didn't say much,
but got stuck right in.
An' took our jools an' our teef,
then gave da boyz a thrashin'

An' putting 'is finger
way up inside 'is snoot
An' givin a belch,
gave da door his 'iz boot.

He tromped to 'iz wagon,
an' to 'iz boyz gave a yell,
An' away dey all went,
like sum bats outta hell!

But I 'eard em bellow,
as he drove outta sight...
"Shooty Orksmas ter all
an ter all a good fight!"

-- Author unknown.

That was very funny. . . and awesome thanks so much

Twas the night before 9869986.M41, and all through the station
All there was clear, there was no abomination.

My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
On the chance that I was to need it that very night.

The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,
All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.

Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,
Assured me the bastion never would fall.

When out in the court-yard there arose such discord
I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.

Away to the window, I ran to take aim
As the marines around me all did the same.

My bionic eye turned the night into day
Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.

When what did my loyalist ocular show,
But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.

The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.

The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.

I gestured for others to shoot without pause,
For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.

"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!
Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"

"You men there in the courtyard and you men there on the walls!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"

But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!

And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.

Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
As down the chimney it came with a bound.

I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,
Bloated and fat, like a daemon of Nurgle.

Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
Charged into battle with my brave Space Marines.

As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.

Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
As they arced through the air at me and my troop.

The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
Our morale was strong, we did not retreat.

But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.

For each box contained a chaotic present -
The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.

A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
The Claus gave to all, and he checked off his list.

It moved through the station and left in its wake,
The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruit cake.

The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
For to me it gave but a small pile of coal.

The station was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.

I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.

I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

You wrote the Orky version yourself? Nice work.

Haha!

Love both versions.

Just in time to match when the shops start their christmas run up as well

Funny stuff!

Cheese, I wish I could take credit but it is author unknown, the both of them, The one I found as a printout in an old Gorka-Morka box I had in my shed. I updated it tho. In the origional version the orks went for their bolters!! So the poem must be from the RT era.