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"So, colonel 'Bat' guano, assuming that is your real name............"

Gentlemen! THERE IS NO FIGHTING IN THE WAR ROOM!

ANIMALS WILL BE BRED AND SLAUGHTERED!

Mine furher! I mean.. Mr. President...

Nuclear combat, toe to toe with the rooskies.

Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

I'm what you call a water man, Jack!

I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

Has he got a chance? If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low... oh you oughta see it sometime. It's a sight. A big plane like a '52... varrrooom! Its jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnyard!

Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb. [pause] The BOMB, Dmitri! The hydrogen bomb! Well now, what happened is, uh, one of our base commanders, he had a sort of, well, he went a little funny in the head. You know. Just a little...funny. And uh, he went and did a silly thing. Well, I'll tell you what he did, he ordered his planes...to attack your country........

Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.

Muffley: General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.
Turgidson: That's right sir. You are the only person authorized to do so. And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority.

Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dimitri? Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? Of course I like to speak to you. Of course I like to say hello. Not now, but any time, Dimitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened. It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. Listen, if it wasn't friendly, ... you probably wouldn't have even got it.

We cannot allow there to be a mineshaft gap!

YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (You fethers took all the good ones...)

Russian Ambassador: There were those of us who fought against us. But in the end, we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. And at the same time, our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our Doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we'd been spending on defense in a single year. But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a Doomsday gap.

Muffley: This is preposterous! I've never approved of anything like that!

Russian Ambassador: Our source was the New York Times...

Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.

The repeated "Peace is our proffesion" sign.............. even when gunfire rages all around at the ICBM base..

Fluridation is a communist plot to contaminate our precious bodily fluids.

"I first became aware of it mandrake, during the pysical act of love......a profound feel of fatigue, a loss of essence....."

dietrich wrote:Fluridation is a communist plot to contaminate our precious bodily fluids.

In about 2004 or so, a co-worker (who was always a bit grim to begin with) admitted to me that he feels fluoridation was some kind of plot by our own government. He lived in Las Vegas specifically because we do not have fluoridated water here. I tried to explain to him that the plot was to help people have stronger teeth but he was convinced the purpose was far more sinister. When I countered with Las Vegas having one of the highest dentists populations per-capita in the US he became quite.

It's a dentist conspiracy in conjunction with the government and the pixie jockey's!

"I'm not sure i could stand up to the torture mandrake..... Yes well old chap, i'll tell you what if you just give me the codes old boy, yes that would work, so ripper those codes then" [general ripper shoots himself..] Mandrake: "Bugger."