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The first installment of the genesis of the artemisians short story-sieries.

If anyone likes it, I'll keep posting a new story every week-fortnight on this thread, unless that's illegal.

So, here you are:

In the Cadian sector the agri-planet of Solarium a young worker-boy by the name of Pretton started to have odd dreams, dreams that didn’t reflect his devotion to the emperor. He thought of what life was like beyond the Cadian entrails. He knew this was blasphemous, that he could be executed for such thoughts.
He hid it.
This was but the beginning.
Before long, these dreams turned to out-bursts. Often he’d start screaming randomly, first, in pain, then in mindless rage guardsmen started to notice these outbursts, and worried. The boy was found guilty of the crime of harbouring dark thoughts, and letting them control him, his sentence, of course, was death. The final cohesion of this demeanour was brutal and unsuspected. In a row of blood curdled screams, the spasm of a 32-man firing squad downed by a massive psychic force was the first warning, the first cog in motion. From the some 300 inhabitants of the correctional facility, only one survived, to lead off and spread the fear. Of the less fortunate, included in that, Pretton, all spawned of pink horrors. At the brink of the for-spewed horrors, the lord of change stood, with a bloody face of anger.
The road had been paved.

By the time word had reached cadia, Solarium had become a desolate chaos-rift, with only a bastion to it’s surface..
The solarium provided food for 8 sub sectors, and as long as it still had life in it, exterminatus was not an option
Following the Cadian 317th, one full chapter and two half-chapters were recruited for the culling of this chaos.

The Cadian 317th, and the Cadian 2nd superheavy regiments had both taken relatively large losses, though the remaining bastion of Callahara still stood firm, it seemed as though every edge of the now desolate fields was covered in the damned. It was a sea of daemons, and though it took few lasgun shots to take down a horror, their simple weight over toned the hopeless defenders.

As if a beacon of hope, massive plasma and melta blasts smashed the ground, and an entire sub-regiment sized groups of daemons were singed with each blast. To compliment that, the whirr of thunder-hawk gun ships made good their entrance. The Adeptus Astartes had been brought to bear. The imperiums light shone on that day.
As it seemed an endless barrage of drop pods to a final wave, for many miles around Callahara the pink had turned to a blue and red wave.

5-defencive companies of silver skulls reared themselves into the fray, and deployed by thunder-hawk gunship a further five companies of hawk lords made good their entrance. Deploying with much gusto, the Abrites chapter-force deployed to protect this land and any force of chaos found was prominently destroyed. For nearly 15 whole months, some 15,000 imperial guardsmen had held a hopeless garrison, and now, though fewer then twenty-percent of that remained, they returned to their homes as heroes. The clean-up and total removal of chaos forces was left to a 2-chapter strength force of space marines. Just as the warp-gate was being closed, tzeench let out a bellowing roar, and in full-psychic energetic force destroyed a full 12 companies worth of space marines.

Trapped and unable to defend against a second onslaught with such a loss in numbers, exterminatus was ordered.

Of those some 2000 marines, barely 200 made it out of the doomed planet. The Abrites chapter had been completely decimated by the psi-force, and though fewer then 100 remained, they rebuilt a new chapter, on the desolate ghost-planet of Solarium.

More then 120 years later, Lord master Solon, still haunted by his massive losses as a company captain had brought his chapter back to half strength, but, from the ashes of Abrites, he formed the Artémisian sect. though not a codex chapter, and defiantly not a revered chapter, they’ve still proven themselves as the defenders of the eye.

This is there task, and though it will never be completed, they will keep their pact at all costs, and no other Cadian planet need be lain to waste by tzeench

Pt two: the tyrannic incursion

“Ihmpeeryall gaad, Attack!” that blessed sergeant hadn’t shut up since day break.
“Bloody hell, even as a scout we deserve more respect then this.”
-Three whole days, an entire adpeta squad had been calling for squad reinforcement, and all that had made it to the field were the fine captain and his imperial dipsticks.
“Ihmpeeryall gaad, fiyaing staaance.” Roc looked to his scope. No sign of the runts, or their blue-clad friends.
A long night ahead, for these scouts and it had been that they waited, until such time that they were ordered to move up, or take their own firing stance.
“Ihmpeeryall ga-” Finally, he’d shut up. Roc looked down. – “what in the name of the emperor is that thing?!”
Roc had served under scout sergeant Terc’al for nearly a full decade now, and not even his stern, all knowing captain knew what the green behemoth was.
As it turned out, the orcs had brought some cute little friends with ‘em. It seemed as though the onslaught of green had become meshed with a tide.
Orcs are known for massive numbers, but these creatures, with the bulkhead of those massive creatures, tyranids were no little threat. Captain solon had only arrived at the lead of the first company, but to what he has found, his land raider would not behold.
For, upon the ruined administratum figure, stood the most massive creature ever seen, at least to roc. He knew it, as the carnifex. His entire squad shot grade-8 bolts at it, and they pinged off his back armour.
His own shot, however landed a direct hit behind the skull.
Though his praises were to come, he’d have set the beast off, and within thirty seconds destroyed a fully-capable leman Russ. As the imperial guardsmen failed to hit anything under pressure, they shot randomly, and almost destroyed another leman Russ under lasgun and cannon fire. Solon was not impressed. He ordered his command squad to take up position against the wall with the scouts, and fire unto the field from a city-bunker. Roc himself had managed to get rid of 8 or nine Orks, and at least 40 of the damned tyranids, before long, his captain’s squad had to take care of a bigger menace, as tyranids had found their way onto the battlefield, and loosing almost half his honour guardsmen, be smote the menace. Just as the imperial guard took their last losses, and the remaining space marines situation seemed hopeless, a tactical squad arrived. Clad in the almost impenetrable armour, and carrying a plasma cannon they managed to route an entire platoon of Orks. And not far behind them, a predator cruised in and with one fell swoop of it’s lascannons and it’s turret mounted auto-cannon saw a carnifex to it’s grave. And while many millions of more tyranids were ready to lay waste to the land, Roc took one good shot, sniping almost a full kilometre, destroying the hive tyrant in his path, and as the mighty beast wailed it’s last song, the tyranids forces seemed to fall out of psychic means, and dissipated as quickly as they came. With many an ork boy still around, and dwindling meat-shields that were of the imperial guard, Solon prepared his men for their final battle
“this hasn’t been easy for any of us, and almost an entire horde of tyranids has been dealt with.” Solon closed his eyes and thought for a moment. “you’ve all sacrificed more then I’d ever ask you, even as space marines, and for that illuminae is eternally grate-” –a loud explosion breaks his speech, and as he looks down, with pain in his eyes, he mutters,- “they’re eternally grateful for what you’ve done for them, but now, I must ask for one last bastion of courage. Shoot with glory, and may your bullets lead home.
Roc knew that congratulations would have to wait, as there were a mere platoon sized squad of orks charging their bastion, that meant, around 90 orks for their 18, but, as space marines, they had to fight to the last man.

As the remaining guardsmen shot their last las-volleys, and the commander’s body ripped apart by the rabid weasels that are grot infantry, Solon cried his last call.
“C’mon you ape’s! You want to live forever?!”
Solon, in all his grace and manor forgot himself, and jumped from the building, with his veteran guard, flailing with him, saved only by their sheer zealous, if not crazy blood-call. As an entire sniper squad opens fire, the orks are ripped apart, sometimes by the 10’s, by the sheer weight of the 1.25” thick rounds produced by sniper-rifles. After three volleys, and almost 20 bolter sprays, the ork army was decimated, and granted on that, the sheer power of plasma cannons, rifles, and even a pistol from a single squad brought them to their knees.
And as the first volley of rifle-shots went about, a roar was heard, and Solon, with a squad of two fully armed veterans charged into the fray, as Solons lightening claws ripped ork limb from limb, and his mens power-fists ripped bones apart, the shots were too dangerous, and with the mercy of their captain, the infantry stopped their fire. Though less then twenty orks remained, they were still mached up, at least against 8 nobs. When solon finally clawed one to pieces, the next came in.
Honoured brother Vallin fell before the onslaught, and though his artificer armour was sufficient for many blows, he was knocked unconscious, then squashed underfoot. Slowly the ork numbers dwindeled, and though only one nob remained, Solon had been mortally wounded, much like a situation so many years ago, and now he pushed his claws out, and hoped the ork was stupid enough, and just as he flopped to the ground in a state of disrepute, Roc took the finishing shot, and saved him.

Aftermath:
Though an entire strike-force was destroyed, and tanks lain to waste, Solon did manage to carry on, even if in a state of mortality, needless to say, Roc and his entire squadron were given battle honours, and Roc was promoted straight to veteran for his actions - becoming, effectively the youngest veteran known to the Adeptus Astartes.

Its kind of sucky.















Ok. I lie.

This is HORRIBLE.


Ignoring all the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.
32 man firing squad? Its just silly to have more than 10. Where do they intend on standing?
One cultest would not doom an entire world.
Why are 2 SUPERHEAVY regiments (not that they exist - you just get tank regiments with attached superheavies) from Cadia be sitting around on an Agri-world?
Tzeetch would never use "wave of gribbly death" tactics. Horrors are not CC units.
Daemons are not ordered into regiments.
They "singed" the daemons. Oh NO! What will those daemons do?
2 1/2 CHAPTERS is a bit many.
Defensive companies dont exist.
Why does Callahara turn "blue and red" when the SM are grey and purple?
SM cannot kill an entire daemon world in a day.
Niether can 15000 men survive in a Daemonworld.
Why would Tzeench care enough to attack in person? "full pyschic energetic force" WTF?
2000-12*100 does not equal 200...
Why is there a SM chapter named after the interplanetery police force?
Lord Master is not a rank.
What pact?
SM chapters are never renamed. (LW/SoH/BL are an exception, but only because the Emperour himself told them to. Even the Traitor Legions didnt change their names).


So we suddenly switch to THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY.
Who exactly is talking (love the accent though )
Adepta squad? Are they scouts? SoB?
Capitalise your names.
Tyranids and Orks are NOT buddies. See Oktavuis Conflict
Who is Solon? IG or SM.
Grade 8 bolts? WTF?
Roc is a scout. Why has he just killed 8 orks, 40 nids and 1-shotted a Fex.
Let me just get this point across - IG do not suck. They are the best human fighters in the Imperium. They would not miss a huge horde of death, and hit the tank behind them.
"be smote" is not a word
"saw a carifex to it grave" is not English
A Tactical squad - , those "millions" of nids are in for it now! See The Fall of Malveralon(sp?) for a good example of Nids vs SM
Orks do not use platoons.
I repeat. Roc is a scout. He does not 1-shot TMC's.
Waaaaiiiiitttt. They just beat up thosands of orks/nids. And now their going all last stand, vs 80 orks? WTF
Stop stealing quotes. Abnett is awsome. You are not.
SM are tacitcal geniuses. The Captain does not charge a horde of orks, alone, blocking the infantrys line of fire.
ROC IS A SCOUT
Squadron is a group of tanks.
Every living thing is in a state of mortality.



So. There is no nice way of saying this. It sucks. Hard.
Solon - stupid concept. How did he make Captain.
Roc - Mary Sue
IG/Nids/Daemons - DO NOT SUCK .
Orks - do not (to the best of my awarness) conform to Inverse Ninja Strengh.

Add description - that whole event could fill a book.
SM cannot kill entire armies in seconds.
Scouts cannot kill entire armies in seconds.
Lol at your idea of story balance. "Tzeetch kills 12 companies. See, my SM are not all massive Mary Sue's"

Seroiusly - if any story contains a protagenist who is the best in the universe - that story is WRONG.

Black Antelope wrote:This is HORRIBLE.

Seroiusly - if any story contains a protagenist who is the best in the universe - that story is WRONG.

I agree whole-heartedly with Black Antelope.

Hey, hey, hey. The action may be OTT, and the logic flawed at places, but there's no need for a flame rage like that.

I actually like the basic idea. It's very possible that a single psyker could doom a world via opening rifts in the warp. (willingly or unwillingly) Witch Hunter fluff confirms this.

It's a good idea, mate. You just need to read through it. Smooth out the edges. Make more comprehensible and funtional. Make it realistic. Try to avoid scouts killing carnies with a single shot. Becuase that really isn't possible.

This story can work. Just...think, first.

It's fair enough to express a critical opinion but LET'S NOT SHOUT AT THE GUY.

Nobody likes being shouted at. They are more likely to take notice of your points if you put them forward calmly and constructively.

storyline: good
writing: not so much...

Three points I'd like to tell you: keep your facts straight, work on your writing just a bit, and no stealing Abnett quotes =)
Besides that, I like the actual story

Well, you should probably tell Abnett to stop stealing Starship Trooper qoutes then.

Or at least acknowledge the original badass who first said it.

From Wikipedia

Sergeant Major Daniel Joseph "Dan" Daly (November 11, 1873 – April 27, 1937) was a United States Marine and one of only 19 men (7 of which were marines) to have received the Medal of Honor twice. Of the Marines who are double recipients, only Daly and Major General Smedley Butler received their Medals of Honor for two, separate actions.

Dan Daly is well remembered for his famous cry during the Battle of Belleau Wood, when, besieged, outnumbered, outgunned, and pinned down, he led his men in attack, shouting, "Come on, you sons of , do you want to live forever?"[1]

Daly was described by his fellow Medal of Honor double award recipient, MajGen Smedley Butler as,"The fightenist Marine I ever knew!" Daly reportedly was offered an officer's commission twice to which he responded that he would rather be, "...an outstanding sergeant than just another officer."[2]

Sounds like one tough son of a .