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The steel grey sky flashed with lightning, fat drops of rain from the disturbed atmosphere falling on the upturned faces of the crowd assembled under the statue of the Knight Valiant.
"You're sure about this?" Praetor Kast asked his companion next to him, "The orbital batteries could still....."
The taller man next to Kast turned slightly and frowned.
"No. We will welcome this coming with all respect and reverence"
His voice was deep but strangely melodic. Aristocratic yet hard.
"As you wish my lord" Kast replied hastily, his head snapping back to the sky as another rumble emanated from the upper atmosphere.

The thick clouds finally parted, revealing a massive silver and grey/gold starship slowly descending towards the hastily constructed landing platform set up on the east side of the city.
Watched by a crowd of over one hundred thousand the landing jets on the immense ship flared, immolating sections of the peasants quarter.
"My lord!" came a cry from one of the noblemen from the Order of the White Sword, "this is intolerable! That ship has just...."
"I am aware of what has just occurred" replied the tall nobleman in the centre of the assembled leaders of the planet, "Amends will be made."
As the ship settled on the creaking platform ramps from the kilometre long craft snaked out and down on to the cooling metal. From inside the craft huge figures in gleaming orange and white armour marched down, forming a cordon of metal in front of the slowly lowering main ramp.

"It would seem our guest has arrived" the head nobleman stated. Towering over the other heads of the Knightly Orders, clad in robes of velvet over a gleaming silver amour suit, with a white cloak hanging from a clasp round his shoulders, the Lord of the White Knights looked every inch a leader of men.
And well he should. For as he strode towards the open ramp, sizing up the armoured behemoths standing in his way as a predator considers prey a mighty psychic presence reached out from the starship to touch his mind.
"Welcome my son. I have been expecting you."

Corennus, Lord of the White Knights. Future primarch of the Second Legion, stopped and stared at the starship in front of him. Behind him the entourage of all ten of the Knight Orders stopped, unsure of what to do next.

Two of the armoured giants barring the way to the ship stepped in Corennus' path, gesturing with their oversized weapons that he should halt.
A barest thought and the primarch's latent telekinetic power lashed out, shoving the two warriors back and seizing their weapons in a grip of iron.
Instantly a thousand weapons were raised against him, but a crushing force of will reached out and snapped his hold over the two men.
Bewildered Corennus took a step back. Since his earliest years no-one had ever had the strength to overpower his mind.

Then a figure in gold armour appeard at the top of the main ramp of the starship. The ramp could have fitted twenty men across it, but he seemed to fill it all. A gentle golden halo surrounded him and as his gaze swept over the assembled lords and the crowd beyond a hush fell over the populace.
"People of Denov Prime rejoice! Terra has found you again! The time of the lost colonies of man is over! The time of the Imperium has come to you!"
As the golden figure descended the ramp slowly the hush that held over the city erupted into noise. Ever since the first communications with the Imperial craft months before, the idea of an Imperium of man had been slowy permeating the strictly controlled society of the Denov nobility.

The nobles shrank back from the shining figure striding towards them. But Corennus held his ground, standing defiantly in the face of this enormous power before him.
Finally the figure stopped, taller even than Corennus, looking down on him with a mixture of relief, joy and pride.
"Corennus, that is your name?" he asked
"Yes" the lord of the White Knights replied.
"I have waited a long time. I am the Emperor of Mankind" the figure stated, laying a golden hand on Corennus' shoulder and fixing him with a soulsplitting gaze, "I am your father."

Not bad, but there really isn't anything here. I like how the nobility is mentioned in refering to the rumors about the Imperium of Mankind, they would be the ones with the most to lose. Good dialogue it shows the stress the characters are going through, but there is no build up of the characters at all, not even names with the exception of the Primarch.

I think with a prologue a lot of these issues would be fixed. It just needs more.

it is a prologue. Unfortunately most of the stuff I had written about the Emperor's Knights legion was on the Black Library forums. And now those no longer exist.

arrrgh I just had a whole thing written and it deleted it!!