Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

1- May not get shot
2- I am not authorized to fire Commander Shadowsun
3- The proper response to a order from Commander Shadowsun is not "Why?"
4- While on duty, I must wear my armour
5- Just wearing the helmet is not considered wearing my armour
6- May not modify the codpiece of the standard issue armour to make it "look bigger"
7- May not modify the chest plate of the standard-issue armour to resemble breasts
8- May not modify my armour ..... period
9- May not paint my body to resemble a suit of armour, then show up to formation without armour
10- May not “go commando“; must wear the issued body glove along with said armour
11- May not paint my armour in the likeness of an Ork
12- May not paint my armour in the likeness of an Space Marine
13- May not paint a bull's eye on a superiors officers armour
14- No painting anyone’s armour ..... period
15- May not attach small wheels to my hooves and 'skate' around the base while on duty
16- May not download songs illegally and stream them inside my HUD
17- May not refer to Commander Shadowsun as "Mom"
18- May not refer to Aun’va as "Dad"
19- May not read Commander Shadowsun's diary over the Cadre's com frequency
20- May not “borrow” Aun’va’s hoverchair
21- May not com-block my chain of command
22- May not program gun drones to tail officers I dislike
23- While operating vehicles, I may not attempt something that I "saw in a holovid"
24- May not use a Crisis or Broadside suit to "squish" things
25- May not infer to the local population that orbital bombardment will be commencing shortly
26- Most especially if this actually happens to be the case
27- May not add commanding officers' pictures to the "Farsight Renegade” listings
28- May not donate money to the “Imperial relief fund"
29- The following items do not exist: Keys to Aun’va’s hoverchair, Winter boots for my crisis suits, Helmet interior lighting, Railgun batteries, or Markerlight spot remover
30- It is wrong to teach saals’ offensive phrases in the Imperial tongue while pretending to give them useful advice
31- I am an Firewarrior, not a meat puppet of the ethereal council
32- May not train Kroot hounds to “sic Aun”
33- May not introduce laughing gas into an Air caste cockpit
34- May not introduce hallucinogens into the Water caste's water supply
35- May not program gun drones to 'buzz' the Earth caste workers
36- May not tell the Kroot they cannot leave the table until they finish their vegetables
37- Must not play ‘fetch” with the Tarellians
38- May not ask a Demiurg if he wants a booster seat
39- Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
40- Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
41- Must not defect to the "other side" during training exercises
42- My name is Shas’la Bob, not Reborn God Emperor of the Imperium
43- I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on my Hammerhead's railgun.
44- May not install a "Bug Zapper" within one-hundred meters of a vespid hive.

This is a list that I had posted over on Advanced Tau Tactica a while ago. Some of them are pretty funny.

- null

Firewarriors just aren't as funny as Guard.

45-May not enter a boxing match with any foe above 4 feet tall.

Necroman wrote:Firewarriors just aren't as funny as Guard.

45-May not enter a boxing match with any foe above 4 feet tall.

I don't know, the vertically-challenged can be pretty tough.

S_P

46-Your gun is not a phallic symbol despite its appearance. Do not attempt to suggestively use it to compensate for the fact that you are an alien goat-man.

This list just isn't doing it for me.

It wanted to be funny, but fell ever so short.

Aww man, this is always the worst kinda post! Trying to be funny but ................. not.

No worries, thanks for looking anyway guys/gals/other.

-null

47: Guardsmen lasguns are NOT countered by sunglasses. When there's lots of them.