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Deathbot wrote:

metallifan wrote:

Deathbot wrote:

metallifan wrote:And yet, somehow in the past, he's managed to fail so bad it turned into a win that netted him a suit of Terminator armour. Likely he divided by 0, or perhaps managed to outflank CREEEEED, but that's about the only time he's scored a victory. Ever since he got that Terminator armour, he's been slower and more fail than ever. Even his pose is fail, as it looks like he's yelling out "SLAVE! BRING ME A TACO, THAT I MIGHT DEVOUR IT FOR THE DARK GODS!"

He's also managed to fail so badly that he got his uber special daemon sword OF DOOM from the Chaos Gods.

So I guess he did both... Maybe he Outflanked CREEEEED, which resulted in the Armour, and then it caused a Division of Zero which destroyed the world he was fighting on and opened a warp rift. So they gave him the Sword. In any case, it still only counts as one win.

The fluff says he had to go through some trial to get it. I always imagined that the trial was designed by Khorne, and it consisted solely of "PUSH THE BIG RED BUTTON". Khorne is known for brutality and strength, not brains.

Can we at least -pretend- he outflanked CREEED so we don't hurt his feelings? I mean, I'm sure he likes to tell himself that he had to work hard for it

metallifan wrote:

Deathbot wrote:

metallifan wrote:

Deathbot wrote:

metallifan wrote:And yet, somehow in the past, he's managed to fail so bad it turned into a win that netted him a suit of Terminator armour. Likely he divided by 0, or perhaps managed to outflank CREEEEED, but that's about the only time he's scored a victory. Ever since he got that Terminator armour, he's been slower and more fail than ever. Even his pose is fail, as it looks like he's yelling out "SLAVE! BRING ME A TACO, THAT I MIGHT DEVOUR IT FOR THE DARK GODS!"

He's also managed to fail so badly that he got his uber special daemon sword OF DOOM from the Chaos Gods.

So I guess he did both... Maybe he Outflanked CREEEEED, which resulted in the Armour, and then it caused a Division of Zero which destroyed the world he was fighting on and opened a warp rift. So they gave him the Sword. In any case, it still only counts as one win.

The fluff says he had to go through some trial to get it. I always imagined that the trial was designed by Khorne, and it consisted solely of "PUSH THE BIG RED BUTTON". Khorne is known for brutality and strength, not brains.

Can we at least -pretend- he outflanked CREEED so we don't hurt his feelings? I mean, I'm sure he likes to tell himself that he had to work hard for it

Abaddon: WHAT WAS THAT?!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! *comes running at metallifan with daemon sword*

*Steps out of the way and watches as the Warmaster of Fail runs clean off a cliff, falling several hundred feet before landing at the feet of an Emperor-class Titan, which promptly steps on him.*

"And that, gentlemen, is why you needn't worry about the Cadian Gate falling." He told the cadre of chuckling Imperial Officers standing around him.

On all seriousness the Imperial Accountants have worked out they wont have the funds to support the Cadian Gate in 2012, I mean in three years as the Ultramarines getting there nails and hair done, Casius needs a new hip and Calgurs Powerfists errr didnt fit very well.

metallifan wrote:*Steps out of the way and watches as the Warmaster of Fail runs clean off a cliff, falling several hundred feet before landing at the feet of an Emperor-class Titan, which promptly steps on him.*

"And that, gentlemen, is why you needn't worry about the Cadian Gate falling." He told the cadre of chuckling Imperial Officers standing around him.

*Abaddon throws off the Titan and then stabs the pilot with his sword. He starts climbing the cliff.*

Lord-Loss wrote:On all seriousness the Imperial Accountants have worked out they wont have the funds to support the Cadian Gate in 2012, I mean in three years as the Ultramarines getting there nails and hair done, Casius needs a new hip and Calgurs Powerfists errr didnt fit very well.

It's okay, they have their own sub-empire. They can pay for their own crap

Deathbot wrote:*Abaddon throws off the Titan and then stabs the pilot with his sword. He starts climbing the cliff.*

You left out the part where a giant loose boulder lands on him as he's climbing and ends up making an Abbadon-shaped hole in the ground a-la Roadrunner cartoons, and then where he climbs back out and just randomly bursts into flames of pure fail.

metallifan wrote:

Deathbot wrote:*Abaddon throws off the Titan and then stabs the pilot with his sword. He starts climbing the cliff.*

You left out the part where a giant loose boulder lands on him as he's climbing and ends up making an Abbadon-shaped hole in the ground a-la Roadrunner cartoons, and then where he climbs back out and just randomly bursts into flames of pure fail.

You forgot the part where Abaddon pulls out a fire extinguisher (this sort of thing happens to him a lot, so he's prepared) and puts himself out. He then pulls out a bolter and puts five rounds straight through your chest, leaving gaping holes where your vital organs once were.

Except that his bolter would malfunction, backfire, and blow his arm off. He'd then trip on some of the scrap from the Emperor Titan that he somehow managed to destroy -after- it stepped on him, and do a faceplant. Forgetting that he blew his own arm off, he'd put both arms out to push himself up, but then tip and fall on his stump side. Eventually, after much swearing and cursing, he would manage to get up using his sword as a support. Now he's really mad, because he only has one arm. So the sheer rock face is out of the question and he has to take the long route.

But he gets lost, and somehow ends up in Austrailia even though the previously described events took place on Cadia. There, he runs into Cheese Elemental. Cheese kidnaps the Master of Fail and forces him to sit, strapped into a computer chair, for 2 weeks straight reading /b/. Abbaddon, his mind thoroughly fried beyond all recoginition by the sheer stupidity of /b/, would then return to the Eye of Terror and tell the Chaos gods of this 'horrible new super weapon'. The gods unwittingly pay a visit to 4Chan to see for themselves. After their cries of fear subside, they order Abbaddon to arm the Black Legion with laptops that they can carry into battle and display to the enemy, paralyzing them with a mixure of dread, humour, disgust, idiocy and nerd rage, and making them easy picking.

Will this tactic work? Tune in during the 14th Black Crusade to find out!

metallifan wrote:Except that his bolter would malfunction, backfire, and blow his arm off. He'd then trip on some of the scrap from the Emperor Titan that he somehow managed to destroy -after- it stepped on him, and do a faceplant. Forgetting that he blew his own arm off, he'd put both arms out to push himself up, but then tip and fall on his stump side. Eventually, after much swearing and cursing, he would manage to get up using his sword as a support. Now he's really mad, because he only has one arm. So the sheer rock face is out of the question and he has to take the long route.

But he gets lost, and somehow ends up in Austrailia even though the previously described events took place on Cadia. There, he runs into Cheese Elemental. Cheese kidnaps the Master of Fail and forces him to sit, strapped into a computer chair, for 2 weeks straight reading /b/. Abbaddon, his mind thoroughly fried beyond all recoginition by the sheer stupidity of /b/, would then return to the Eye of Terror and tell the Chaos gods of this 'horrible new super weapon'. The gods unwittingly pay a visit to 4Chan to see for themselves. After their cries of fear subside, they order Abbaddon to arm the Black Legion with laptops that they can carry into battle and display to the enemy, paralyzing them with a mixure of dread, humour, disgust, idiocy and nerd rage, and making them easy picking.

Will this tactic work? Tune in during the 14th Black Crusade to find out!

Meanwhile, on the 14th Black Crusade:

Space Marines: Oh Emperor! The horror! Make it stop! *are running away*

Abaddon: *is holding laptop* MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Pretty much, yea. That's how I'm picturing it

Hey, if it made the gods cry, then there's not much a pure-minded marine could do to fight back against the evils of 4Chan

Honestly i think the only thing that Abaddon cares about is keeping his place as top dog amongst the Chaos space marines, the 13 black crusades are just a distraction for his followers to give them someone else (the imperium) to fight rather than each other and eventually kicking him out. as long as there is the Imperium to fight and another black crusade to launch he still has some sort of control over the other legions. if they were successful in marching on Terra and destroying the Imperium the current legions and other forces of chaos would eventually consume themselves thus leaving Abaddon and chaos as a whole with much less power than he has now. thats my take on it anyway.