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JohnHwangDD wrote:

Corennus wrote:
1. when you get a RL job
2. when you have RL friends
3. when you have a RL girlfriend
4. when you get married
5. when you have kids
Enjoy it while you can!

Right, get the snip then start a business as a professional painter with your wife..

Corennus wrote:Problem is it's something family is worried about.

I don't want to do something that family thinks is nonconstructive, obsessive and frankly childish....

You care too much about what your family thinks. If they can't accept you and your interests for what they are, feth 'em.

I mean, unless you're regularly blowing off school or work to keep up with a 60 hour/week painting schedule. Then they might have a point.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

cmac wrote:That sounds reasonable. Compromise with the mrs seems to keep them happy.

I wonder if anyone has ever had a painting "intervention"?

"It's not an addiction! I... I can stop any time I want!"

::puts down the brush::

"See? I have to go to the bathroom now"

::walks into bathroom, opens medicine cabinet. Chaos Black pot is hidden in excedrin bottle. Pulls a hormagaunt out of his breast pocket and starts basecoating furiously::

Ostrakon wrote:

Corennus wrote:Problem is it's something family is worried about.

I don't want to do something that family thinks is nonconstructive, obsessive and frankly childish....

You care too much about what your family thinks. If they can't accept you and your interests for what they are, feth 'em.

I mean, unless you're regularly blowing off school or work to keep up with a 60 hour/week painting schedule. Then they might have a point.

Agreed. At 31 years old, I think his family should realize he's old enough to pursue his own hobbies and interests, regardless of how they feel about them. Unless said interests are like, doing cocaine or something. Then yea, they should worry I mean, you wouldn't want your family members turning into this:

Oh, just really read the thread.

If OP is 31, does "family" mean his parents/etc or does it mean fiancee/kids etc. Because at 31, if your parents are giving you gak about your wargaming hobby (provided you're supporting yourself and it doesn't affect them), then they need to go suck a bag of finely sculpted resin phalluses. On the other hand, if your wife is telling you to tone down on it, it's probably a good idea to listen to her. I mean, you didn't have a choice of parents, but barring an arranged marriage you DID pick her, and unfortunately that sometimes means cutting back on your hobbies.

metallifan wrote:Yea but your avatar has an eyepatch. So that still makes you #1 Cann

Ha, thanks. I've noticed a few variations on it or k-sounding words followed by "the un-something." Great minds think alike I suppose

OP, if your fiance is giving you a hard time because you're doing something that she thinks is "childish" then that's a problem. And if you think it'll get better then think again - it'll only get worse and I'm speaking from experience.

Scott-S6 wrote:OP, if your fiance is giving you a hard time because you're doing something that she thinks is "childish" then that's a problem. And if you think it'll get better then think again - it'll only get worse and I'm speaking from experience.

Well, hold on. There's a difference between "This is childish and you're going to stop it and I'm not going to make any concessions" and "This is childish and I don't really get it but have fun painting your little space knights or whatever". The latter is often perfectly acceptable, whereas the former is the kind of situation where you shouldn't be spending the rest of your natural life in.

The important balance here (in my mind):

at least half your free time should be spent with your family. After all, they are your chosen tribe. Your connection to them is important!

I feel that about half of your free time should go to you completely - every man needs time when he can do his own thing. Heck, the rest of your family can go do THEIR own thing during this time.

As for the second category, the time just for you, do whatever you want with it. That's my take.

I am a gamer with a baby right now, so there is LOTS more responsibility. Family time is a MUST. I paint about 2 hours per week. I only have time for 1 hobby. But you know what? I give every minute over to 40K out of my free time, because that's what relaxes me and that's what keeps me nice and...

WAAAGGHHH

... nice and sane for my family.

My take!
Solorg

Don't wry bout it my parents kinda thought similar but meh. I paint bout 2-3 hours every nigh while watching tv and on comp and some days I'll go all day just playing CSS and painting it just relaxes you good for concentration and hand eye coordination.

Would they rather you were hanging about the local shops, drinking white lightning and hurling abuse at old people?

If you feel it's sucking your life away, try taking up a sport to temper the obsession. I do a lot of running, triathlons, that kind of thing. Triathlon clubs are great because you meet lots of fit girls in swimming costumes (yes, I am married, but I can still look ).

Don't quit the hobby altogether though unless you're really unhappy.

Sounds like the girlfriends a little possessive, what’s an hours a day, she probably spends longer putting on and taking off her make up, let alone talking/texting friend on the phone.

You know you’re too involve in the hobby if you start painting in the bedroom instead of !!!!!!!

I've a grown family (great), I've generally painted when their all sat in front of the TV watching paint dry, I mean soups. Their not interested in talking so I can get some alone time with my hobby no question asked.

As for the wife if she starts becoming concerned that I was spending to much time on my hobby, she can always join in, and does.

Flashman wrote: Triathlon clubs are great because you meet lots of fit girls in swimming costumes (yes, I am married, but I can still look ).

Lol, brilliant

cmac wrote:Painting has to be better than WOW right?

I'm currently painting the foundation green on my Orks between Lich King 25 wipes 3 nights a week. This week did the 15 stormboys and started on my sluggas and choppas......

Hi all.
Perhaps it was the frequency of the hobby activity ,rather than the time spent on it that was causing concern?

If you went to the pub every night and just had half a pint of beer, that ONLY 3.5 pints of beer per week.(Not a lot at all!)
But your family see you go 'down the pub everynight of the week!'

If you restict your hobby activities to longer sessions ,once or or twice a week, others may not be concerned with the 'obsession' perhaps?


Just a thought,

TTFN
Lanrak.

Corennus wrote:well I started painting a year ago. and paint every lunchtime and most evenings. Get complaints I zone out and cant' be talked to and just waste evenings to it.

And apparently the hobby is for "tweens and guys who have no gf or life".

and since I love my family I'm gonna try and curb how much I paint.

Or maybe just spend more time on one model making it best it can be instead of batch painting for 3 hours straight

Really no life thats a harsh thing for anyone to say . Soem of the nicest peopel play wargames and they are clever . You shouldnt paint less, just ask your family why it bothers them so much. Its your hobby and life after all .

LEEQAEX wrote:

Corennus wrote:well I started painting a year ago. and paint every lunchtime and most evenings. Get complaints I zone out and cant' be talked to and just waste evenings to it.

And apparently the hobby is for "tweens and guys who have no gf or life".

Really no life thats a harsh thing for anyone to say . Soem of the nicest peopel play wargames and they are clever . You shouldnt paint less, just ask your family why it bothers them so much. Its your hobby and life after all .

Indeed. If it was a family member that said that, I would take them aside and privately explain just how disrespectful that was, and tell them that if that's all they have to offer as far as an opinion, then they can keep it to themselves. I'd also go on to ask them just how much personal experience they have as far as being involved with the hobby goes, and if they say they've never tried it, I'd ask what, then, makes them think they have the right to judge me by my passtimes when they have only a preformed disposition that isn't even their own point of view, but rather one that society has instilled as "the norm".

If they can't justify their hurtful words or their narrow opinion, then I'd tell them I don't care to hear their opinion on much of anything, let alone my hobbies.

Big +1 on that.That's someone that either a) has zero respect for you, b) is jealous that you have a hobby and. she doesn't or c) both.

It will not get better with time.

My guess is that your other half is simply worried that all of your time will be devoted to your hobby, and very little will be left for her......nothing shady or twisted about that, after all, you are her investment in the future, she's thrown in her lot with you and wants to know that the investment isn't a bum rush....call it jealousy if you want, but in truth, its simply human nature.

Your responsibility in the relationship is to achieve a perfect balance between the things you want to do, and the things you have to do.....lets face it, being with your girl is something you really should WANT to do, not something you need to schedule into your day.....hell, if painting a plastic figure is more interesting than your partner, you need to change your partner....real quick, no joke there, I'm serious!

I have to agree with Delephont,in a relationship finding a ballance is quite important,and at times..sacrifice is required.
And yes,spending time with your girl should be something you want to do...not a matter of "gee,I have to put down my brush and deal with her...damn."
Personally I manage to find time to paint,but I spend quite a bit of time enjoying my children and my Girl as well.

So much wisdom in this thread. I really had no idea there was so many people here that thought the way I do on things other than wargamming. Before I interject here, I would like to say we really are all going off a lot of assumptions. Corennus has given us as little information as possible. At first we thought he was a teenager with his parents giving him trouble and now we find it's his fiance, but again, not much more details. This leaves quite a bit of room for speculation on the scope of the entire issue. Is she just giving you a hard time about your hobby just because it's your hobby? In other words, would it sound the same if you replaced painting with football or video games? Or has it gotten to the point where you paint so much it interferes with your relationship?

It's really hard to say since we're all going off of assumptions, but I'll go ahead and say my piece with that in mind. If your hobby really is just a hobby. It doesn't matter what it is, and in my experience, it doesn't matter who your with. They are going to have a small amount of jealously and make fun of you for it until they realize that having a balance in a relationship is important. Everyone needs time to relax outside of their significant other. Part of being a relationship, even in marriage, is that you are two different people bringing different things to the relationship. Having a hobby is something that's a part of you and simply for the fact that you enjoy it enables you to be that different individual bringing that into the relationship. I'll try not to go into the the the philosophy of it, but it's a healthy thing to have a hobby as long as it stays something casual and doesn't become what was defined earlier as an obsession.

Also:

Corennus wrote:And my problem not_u is fiancee sees me wanting to paint more than study for exams...

You've got to be kidding me! This statement right here makes me think my assumption is correct. At what point is it supposed to be normal to want to spend time on schoolwork/exams/work when you could be doing something else?! Even in my favorite times of school or work in my life I can't think of too many times where I could say that there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be. There's a huge difference between what someone wants to do and what they actually do.

CT GAMER wrote:A couple of things to consider:

Funny thing is those wives "waste" just as much time on their own casual pursuits. Some of these same wives spend 8-20+ hours or more a week watching what i consider to be totally valueless programming on tv.

I could not agree more with the TV comment except that you can replace 'wives' with 'the rest of humanity'. Seriously, I wish more people thought the same way CT Gamer.

Delephont wrote:Your responsibility in the relationship is to achieve a perfect balance between the things you want to do, and the things you have to do.....lets face it, being with your girl is something you really should WANT to do, not something you need to schedule into your day.....hell, if painting a plastic figure is more interesting than your partner, you need to change your partner....real quick, no joke there, I'm serious!

As correct and agreeable as this statement may be, if his Fianceé was the one that said his hobby was childish and only people with no lives did things like it, then I can see why he'd rather be painting then spending time with her, and such a choice is completely justified. That's not to say that he shouldn't seek an apology for that kind of belittlement, nor does it mean they shouldn't talk about an agreeable compromise that makes them both happy (Which it seems he's covered already), but it does show that at least he'd rather not argue. In my mind, hiding out and working at a hobby, then adressing the problem later once things have cooled down is a far better solution than getting into a yelling match.

Hmm.

As we are all obviously gamers/hobbyist's, our opinions also might be biased.....

cmac wrote:Hmm.

As we are all obviously gamers/hobbyist's, our opinions also might be biased.....

That makes a difference when someone in your family says you have no life?

I don't think so. Even if we were biased, that's still not an acceptable thing to say to a family member.

metallifan wrote:

cmac wrote:Hmm.

As we are all obviously gamers/hobbyist's, our opinions also might be biased.....

That makes a difference when someone in your family says you have no life?

I don't think so. Even if we were biased, that's still not an acceptable thing to say to a family member.

Oh, I don't disagree with that at all. I do think that we only have 20% (1%?) of the story.

It may be a good idea for him to get objective council from a neutral party if it is a major problem.

To be brutally honest, I think all adults that enjoy our hobby will have experienced people who think that we have "Peter Pan" syndrome. Having said that, I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing to have.

I have read articles that say that women (and most of us are probably male) are attracted to men that have a "geek" side [unrelated to the OP but good for gamers].

Edit: Grammer

Grammar . . . but that's beside the point.

I know my GF is attracted to my nerdy side, and I know a few other people that find it attractive. Also Peter Pan syndrome is actually kinda helpful, as you see things in a more simplistic manner, and don't get overly stressed by everything.

However, it can also be a problem. This is because you can fail to see the seriousness in certain situations, and in some instances lead to becoming more self obsessed. As has been said, it's all about finding that balance between what helps us, and what helps others.

Oshova

To be brutally honest, I think all adults that enjoy our hobby will have experienced people who think that we have "Peter Pan" syndrome. Having said that, I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing to have.

Honest? Yes.

Brutally so? Not really.

Who doesn't know at least one middle-aged adult that acts like he or she is still in their 20's when they want to have fun. Hell I know about twelve or so people like this. And they're far more fun to be around than the more sedate, reserved folk in the same age group that believe someone of their years should act with a strong sense of dignity. If you're around middle-age, you've got a wife/fianceé/partner/kids, and yet you're still out-partying teenagers, building minis in your basement, and still laughing at/making phallus jokes over a cold beer, then IMHO, your life is far richer than those of the people that are too stingy to have fun, and would rather label you childish.

Hell, my buddy's boss is 41. He calls us one night while we're painting some new stuff we bought, so my buddy puts the phone on speaker, says hello and gets greeted by a loud fart. Then his boss just says "You're gay" and hangs up. Anyone who, at that age, is still pulling stuff like that gets a cheers from me, because they'll always be the ones having the last laugh in life.

And who says you can't make phallus jokes over a cold beer with dignity? . . . Ok maybe not, but still . . . =p

Oshova

I choose phallus jokes. Leave Dignity for those that need it

Oshova wrote:Grammar . . . but that's beside the point.
Oshova

Yeah, you know when you make a post and then see it and go "Oops, that word wasn't supposed to be there, it would read better if I fixed it".

I'm 32, I hope that my mind stays in the middle teens until I die.

My point was that you spelt grammar wrong . . . but ohwell lol

And yeah as a 19 year old, I hope to not grow mentally much older lol

Oshova