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to be honest, the story is good enough to ignore the grammer, iw as just looking for some advice to give you!

Such advise is always welcomed so no problem there. I always appreciate such things really

For advice, it would be a good idea to put something in the post when you change between the different viewpoints of characters, just to make it clear when you change characters, it is occasionally a bit confusing.

Dammit, I like the Inquisitor. I fear this won't end well.

The flickering light of the flares illuminates the dark hall leading ever downwards, the air reeks of death and everywhere we look we see the remains of those who died at the hands of the Astartes.
Some of my men grows pale and seem to struggle to keep the content of their stomachs down as we begin to see more mutants and other foul remains amongst those who have died here.
We also passes disregarded helms that can only belong to Astartes, so they too suffered casualties in their assault on this place. But we see no Astartes lying dead on the ground, obviously they must have taken their fallen with them.

As we reach what seems like a great chamber of sorts I order my men to plant flares around in it so we can see, my inner feeling tells me we are coming near the end of our hunt.
Its then my eyes catches a glimpse of Sandra, she has removed helmet and stands in the opening of the massive brass doors leading out of the chamber.
What makes me the most nervous about this sight is her face. Her red limps are formed into a sneer and I for the love of the Emperor can not help but to let my hand find the bolt gun resting on my hip. If I did not know better I would say she looked prepared to kill us all and leave our corpses here in the dark to rot.
I call out to her in an attempt to shake that unholy feeling of terror.
“Do you see anything beyond those doors? And for heavens sake be careful! Don’t take any chances.”
She watches her companions advance true the dark hallways and she sees them investigate the corpses of the fallen scum. She flicks the safety of her bolter and readies a magazine of Kraken rounds. She checks if her axe is ready for use and makes sure to close all vox links not between her and her sister. No need to take chances for any of these fools to call for aid.
Sandra pauses for a moment and removes her helmet. And smells the cold but stinking air. So this is where the hour of judgement will come then.
The all too familiar voice of the man she has learned to fake affection for breaks the silence, he asks her if she sees anything and to be careful
had he only known she thinks and smiles a evil smile that could be said to reflect her true feelings for anyone present in this place. Wasting not a moment she puts her helmet back on and sends the signal her master has been awaiting.

------------------------------------------------

The signal sends is coded message into the void above this wrenched world and alerts the waiting Astartes ships begin to act. With well planed efficiency they begin to move into position, meanwhile all other ships are told to leave orbit or be shot down. None of the ships still lingering in orbit save for one flees their treat of violence as fast as possible.
This too is a part of the plan, the ship will be sent crashing down onto the world below when their lord has completed his plan.

Sergeant Gregorian and his brothers too receive the signal and move into position. Their lord librarian Octavious leads them, finally their chapter will end this long and shameful hunt for their prey.
Almost two hundred Astartes march in solemn procession towards the planetary governors headquarters and the massive prison facility that lies not far from it,now the time for slaughter and terror would come to this heretical world.
Their coming is heralded by the bark of bolter’s and the muffled whoosh of flamers as they carve a bloody path true the PDF forces and the local arbites.
“NO REMORSE NO PITY!” he roars as he let his sword drink deep of the palace guard. The man screams in terror as he is cut in two.
“SUFFER NOT THE TRAITOR TO LIVE!” he hears someone howl as a commissar is riddled with shots.
Then they breach the gates and see what foul heresy lies within.

When the Death hands launch their attack Cassandra and her sister receive the orders they have been waiting almost twenty years for. Eliminate all non essential personnel and incapacitate the main target. Emperor protect and guide your blades.

When she receives these orders she smiles and cracks her knuckles and loosen her blades from their sheets, then she leaps into action.
Cassandra draws her dagger and buries it in the neck of the acolyte in front of her, the man gurgles and falls down hard. His friends howl in rage and shock and open up with their weapons, but she is too close for their shots to have any effect and she leaps feet first onto her neck prey who tries to punch her of so someone can shoot her. She howls in glee and buries her teeth in his jugular and tears it out while blood gushes out.
Yes she muses as another has her head split open by her blade is what it is to be a warrior.
Soon none of the twenty men and women lives, she has been nicked by shots and a few cuts from desperate attempts to fend her of with bayonets and daggers but she has triumphed, now to rejoin her sister.
As she is about to leave the room a shot rings out and she feels a burning pain in her right side. She turns to where the shot came from and sees a man standing with a lasgun in hand. She looks down and sees that the shot grazed her hip but cut true her carapace amour. Growing she hurls a dagger at the man and lunges for a nearby shotgun.
A single thunderous shot fills the air and a figure slumps to the ground. Groaning she rises to her feet, that damned idiot nearly got her. She curses herself for being so reckless and limps of in search of her sister.

----------------------------------------------

I walk down the stairs with my remaining men, suddenly the ground seems to shudder and dust fills the air. I hear men curse and ask what in the blazing void was that. But I can not answer them, the vox net seems to have died on us, so we are left in the dark until our task is done.
Suddenly I hear someone howl in pain and surprise and turn around to see the last of the PDF troopers that accompanied us down here fall down with his throat cut.
Behind him stands Sandra with a bloodied blade in hand. The red lenses on her helm seems to radiate hate and madness.
“KILL THAT TRAITOROUS BITCH” I howl and draws my gun as the other also do the same, but it seems this has been a long time coming. She merely uses the speed and power her amour gives her to dash for cover and return the fire with her own weapon.
The bark of it heralds the death of several brave and righteous souls who are torn apart by its terrible power. After several devastating volleys she seems to be out of ammunition or so I hope as we furiously reload and return fire from what cover have have.

---------------------

Drawing her blade she grabs the man from behind and run it across his throat making sure he has time to scream. She wants to relish this moment as her revenge is finally under way.
Diving to cover she grants death to several fools who think they can rush her, they all die as she hoses them with fire.
Rising to her full height behind the column she draws her sword. Its ice cold steel has waited a long time for this and the power field flickers to life as she presses the activation rune on the hilt.
Drawing a deep breath she springs to action and emerge from her cover, she is met with a hail of shots but none pass true her amour or simply they miss her as she charges across the open space between her and her victims.
The first to die are the soldier from Krieg, he is rewarded for his bravery with a sword slash that removes his head and left should. The body tumbles to the ground, then they all pile on top of her in a effort to bring her low.
Growling like someone possessed she slams her fist up then kicks an exposed leg hard. But still they throw themselves at her and in the swirling combat her blade slips from her hands.
But she is not unarmed although he blade is gone, her amour grants her strength beyond any mortal human, and added to her talent for violence this makes for a gruesome foe.
She throws of a man and stomps on his head. It explodes in a shower of gore.
Then suddenly she is knocked down when someone slams the butt of their rifle into her head, she feels stunned and almost falls down.
Her helmet has come of and she feels the cold mouth of a gun to her forehead. She tries to rise but the blow left her somewhat incapacitated. As if her strength has gone from her.

-----------------------

I look at this former servant of the Emperor and feel disgust well up in my throat. Oh how I wish o spend months torturing her for her crimes but no such options are available now. A mere damnation and a bolt round true the head will have to be enough. But my anger still churns and I grab her by her hair and pull her up to her feet.
“Foolish and a traitor, I never expected it from you. But once again what can be expected from a former street whore like you!” I say and give her a hard smack across the face.
As I prepare to pull the trigger something explode from the shadows and the world grows dark.

-------------------------------

Cassandra limps down the hallway towards the sound of the gunfire. She is not far from her sister now, she feels her hearth jump with joy over seeing her again. Soon they will both be free from the shackles of servitude and humiliation. She never trusted the man who has been their master, how he drooled over her sister and how she was called names and treated to harsh beatings.
When she sees the entrance to the chamber she needs to reach she hears the first man die. Then a long and rattling exchange of fire followed by silence and then men who screams and dies.
She runs now, ignoring her wounds and the stiffness of her leg. Noting can stop her from joining her sister.
Then she hears it, her sisters groan in pain or is it shock?

When she enters the hall she stays silent and let her presence be a secrets only the walls know of. There she sees them, standing around the limp figure of Sandra. The man draws a gun and points it to her head, he says something but it is lost to her.
Years of abuse and mistreatment finally makes the bonds in her mind snap and with a feral howl she explodes forth from the shadows.
Her hands and daggers rips men apart and all the while she screams her rage and hate at these wicked souls. She feels the warmth of blood on her face once more as she let them taste cold steel.
It dose not take long but it seems and eternity for the last one to die with terror on his face.
Then she walks over to the prone form of Inquisitor Vana. He groans in pain and clutches the stump of his arm but he will live as he needs to.
Ignoring him she bends down by her sister and picks her up and holds her in her arms.
Finally the voices have stopped and she knows peace.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took the Astartes several hours to hunt down everyone who hid in the palace and the prison. But all those who needed to die did so. When the smoke and dust settled Gomorrah was a bloodstained ruin.
In the days that followed as Imperial forces reached it it became clear that a rouge Inquisitor had conspired with the local governor to sway the world to the service of the dark gods. But thankfully the presence of a Astartes fleet that had dropped out from Warp Transit to restock much needed supplies prevented it from happening.
The Inquisitor was halted in his mad schemes by two brave and righteous women who risked everything to track him down and destroy his coven of traitors.
Sadly none of the inhabitants of Gomorrah s outer districts survived as a result of a ship the traitors crashed down to destroy loyal regiments stationed there.

As a reward for their heroic defense of the world stewardship of the world was granted to the Astartes, as for the two women their current location is unknown as they departed shortly after one of them had received medical care for wounds sustained during the fighting.
All that is know is that one left behind a batherd suit of power amour and a pair of power swords.

Damn that's grimdark.

Very well written Trondheim.

Interesting plot twist, and it is confirmed. Those sisters are not to be fethed with!

Thank you, I hope the ending was somewhat decent not too shabby?

This is the end? But I want MOAR!

Yes this is the end. Cross your fingers and pray to the dark gods and you may receive more

Brilliant Trond.

Very well written indeed, didnt expect the plot twist.

Great story, I really liked your characters

Thank you all for your kind words. It really feels good to have such readers as you folks

 I wrote:
Dammit, I like the Inquisitor. I fear this won't end well.

Called that one. Enjoyed reading that. Pacing was good and the violence was pitched just about right. I like the flashes of dark humour you sprinkle into the narrative. Good work

Very nice, are we going to see more Trond stories soon?

Yes within this month or so, my friends and myself will complet our Dark Heresy adventure. I think you may see a return of two female participants in this tale. Both Cassandra and Sandra where based on persons I know, and characters from that adventure, however I need to tie down the ideas and transform them into a representable form. Feel free to make suggestions for themes you wish to read about next.

meat grinders against orks are always fun

one about a squadron of Imperial Pilots maybe?

Well I have never featured Orks so that may be a challenging task but amusing me thinks, and as for pilots well I really don`t know enough about said class yet. However I will attempt to find a few books of the FW aeronautic books.

Wow! What an incredibly grimdark story, this is without doubt the best fluff I've read on dakka! I love how you have three POVCs and how everyone exept the inquisitor seems to be downright evil!
But I have to point out, this story contains waaay too little graphic violence, fix that in your next one

Oh and 'cause you said you appreciated f´grammar tips: It seems that you often use "true" when you mean "though" as in "he passed true/through the hole"

 MrMerlin wrote:
Wow! What an incredibly grimdark story, this is without doubt the best fluff I've read on dakka! I love how you have three POVCs and how everyone exept the inquisitor seems to be downright evil!
But I have to point out, this story contains waaay too little graphic violence, fix that in your next one

Oh and 'cause you said you appreciated f´grammar tips: It seems that you often use "true" when you mean "though" as in "he passed true/through the hole"

Thank you Merlin I aim for grimdark and it seems it was achieved. Glad you enjoyed the story and my characters. And as for the lack of violence that was a deliberate choice on my part. Wanted to make something that was not dripping with blood. and thanks for the grammar tip. Being Norse realy dont help when English is concerned