What Do You Call A Surprised Space Marine???....

Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:

No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
Times and dates in your local timezone.
Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.

If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

**Super Ready**

Not mine, but classic, and I'm surprised it's not been mentioned already... what do Berzerkers eat for breakfast? Khorne flakes!

Now, some I've just made up on the spot...

How does Slaanesh capture his poor victims?
With Daemon-nets.

Newsflash: Inquisitor Noob is being held in custody pending trial by his peers for incorrectly handling a daemonic incursion. While the rift that caused the invasion was ultimately sealed, Inquisitor Lord Bal'buster accused Noob of showing incompetence in assessing his priorities by stopping to shoot and kill possessed livestock instead.
"It has become apparent", said Bal'buster in a press release, "that the Gate was shut after the horse was bolter'ed.

Yo mamma's so weak in the bedroom, I fear if I tried a Deep Strike, I'd Obliterator.

Why aren't infantry units in 40K made of Peanuts?
Because then they would be assaulted.

Nice! An existing joke rewritten for 40K that ACTUALLY WORKS. I applaud you.

**Psienesis**

BattleCapIronblood wrote:
ASTARTLED......

....

....

Are there comedians in the 41st Millenium??? I'm sure if there is, jokes go something like this:
"An Eldar, an Ork and a Heretic walk into the bar and the bartender reaches for the Flamer and douses them with holy fire."

What are your 40k jokes?

Oh I got one!

Matt Ward.

**Phonics**

Mythra wrote:
Your moma is so fat she counts as 3 heavy support choices.

Why don't Eldar Ships have stairs?

Fairies fly.

How the Orc break his arm raking leaves?

He fell out the tree.

How do you get a 1 armed orc out of tree?

Wave.

You have an Orc, a Space Marine, Tau being Executed by the Dark Eldar.
They have a plan to distract the Dark Eldar right before they fire by calling out some type distraction then jumping over the execution wall.

The Dark Eldar go to Execute the Space Marine and say, "Ready, Aim,...."
and the Marine calls out,"Tornado", the Dark Eldar scatter for cover and the Marine jumps the wall and escapes.

The Dark Eldar go to Execute the Tau and say, "Ready, Aim,...."
and the Tau calls out,"Swarm Lord!", the Dark Eldar scatter for cover and the Tau jumps the wall and escapes.

The Dark Eldar go to Execute the Orc and say, "Ready, Aim,...."
and the Orc calls out,"FIRE!!!"

Where did all these fantasy orcs come from? At least there aren't any goblins.

**RogueMage**

Two Ultramarine scouts are hunting a heretic in the forest, one goes out ahead and gets shot by the second

The second scout calls up Marneus Calgar, "Calgar we're hunting heretics in the forest and I just shot my squad mate and I think he's dead what do I do?"

Calgar says "Alright I want you to go to your squad mate and make sure he's dead"

Marneus Calgar waits on the comm bead for a few seconds..."BAM!... he's dead now what?"

**Phydox**

Yo Momma's breath is so bad, she kissed Nurgle and he even said she needed a breath mint.

Yo Momma is so ugly, she told Slaneesh she was frisky and he said he had a headache.

Yo Momma is so fat when Tzeench tried to pull her threads, he had to add suspenders.

Yo Momma is so dumb, when she heard the Berzerkers shouting "Heads for Khorne", she brought Khorne some gas station bathroom keys.

**DarkCorsair**

Two Tau are watching a teenage Tau firewarrior-in-training practicing by shooting birds out of trees.

One says to the other, "By the Ethereals, why is he doing all that shooting?"

The other says "Don't worry, it's just a phase they all go through."

Buh dum tish?

**Dr. What**

Barrywise wrote:
Yo mamma so fat Creed hid a Titan behind her

Not necessary:

**Disciple of Fate**

Yo mamma so fat, they thought she was a spacehulk and boarded her.

How do you stop a Necron Tomb?
Build a firewall around it.

Why do Thousand Sons fear vacuum cleaners?
Because it sucks out their souls.