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2014/09/04 08:39:53
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
"Well, you see, you can't actually like, tell me was to do, because I has rights and this and that and you're like, not respecting me as a human being or whatever. And that guy you just shot, he was all like, a free person and this, and you just shot him well up just because he, like, wanted to go home. And them over there, yeah, who are shooting at us with like guns and missiles and gak, they is well scary, and it's like well sensible to be scared of them. So you shot him up bad, just because he's, like normal and this. And all I'm saying is that you is like, well harsh, man..."
Bonus points to those who get the reference.
2014/09/04 08:54:26
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Paradigm wrote: "Well, you see, you can't actually like, tell me was to do, because I has rights and this and that and you're like, not respecting me as a human being or whatever. And that guy you just shot, he was all like, a free person and this, and you just shot him well up just because he, like, wanted to go home. And them over there, yeah, who are shooting at us with like guns and missiles and gak, they is well scary, and it's like well sensible to be scared of them. So you shot him up bad, just because he's, like normal and this. And all I'm saying is that you is like, well harsh, man..."
Bonus points to those who get the reference.
Ricky?
From the initial Age of Sigmar news thread, when its "feature" list was first confirmed:
Kid_Kyoto wrote:
It's like a train wreck. But one made from two circus trains colliding.
A collosal, terrible, flaming, hysterical train wreck with burning clowns running around spraying it with seltzer bottles while ring masters cry out how everything is fine and we should all come in while the dancing elephants lurch around leaving trails of blood behind them.
How could I look away?
2014/09/04 09:08:43
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
From the initial Age of Sigmar news thread, when its "feature" list was first confirmed:
Kid_Kyoto wrote:
It's like a train wreck. But one made from two circus trains colliding.
A collosal, terrible, flaming, hysterical train wreck with burning clowns running around spraying it with seltzer bottles while ring masters cry out how everything is fine and we should all come in while the dancing elephants lurch around leaving trails of blood behind them.
How could I look away?
2014/09/04 09:18:49
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Maybe if we had a chat with those chaos chaps we could come up with a agreement
Sgt. Vanden - OOC Hey, that was your doing. I didn't choose to fly in the "Dongerprise'.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
I have no clue how Dakka's moderation work. I expect it involves throwing a lot of d100 and looking at many random tables.
FudgeDumper - It could be that you are just so uncomfortable with the idea of your chapters primarch having his way with a docile tyranid spore cyst, that you must deny they have any feelings at all.
2014/09/04 10:33:13
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Paradigm wrote: "Well, you see, you can't actually like, tell me was to do, because I has rights and this and that and you're like, not respecting me as a human being or whatever. And that guy you just shot, he was all like, a free person and this, and you just shot him well up just because he, like, wanted to go home. And them over there, yeah, who are shooting at us with like guns and missiles and gak, they is well scary, and it's like well sensible to be scared of them. So you shot him up bad, just because he's, like normal and this. And all I'm saying is that you is like, well harsh, man..."
Bonus points to those who get the reference.
I'm guessing based on the assumption that you modified the actual quote to fit 40K It feels like something Catherine Tate would say in her Sketch show. (Obviously not about being shot and stuff, like I said; I'm assuming you changed it heavily)
If I sound like I'm being a condescending butthole, I'm not. Read my reply as neutrally as possible, please and thank you.
2014/09/04 10:48:47
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Paradigm wrote: "Well, you see, you can't actually like, tell me was to do, because I has rights and this and that and you're like, not respecting me as a human being or whatever. And that guy you just shot, he was all like, a free person and this, and you just shot him well up just because he, like, wanted to go home. And them over there, yeah, who are shooting at us with like guns and missiles and gak, they is well scary, and it's like well sensible to be scared of them. So you shot him up bad, just because he's, like normal and this. And all I'm saying is that you is like, well harsh, man..."
Bonus points to those who get the reference.
I'm guessing based on the assumption that you modified the actual quote to fit 40K It feels like something Catherine Tate would say in her Sketch show. (Obviously not about being shot and stuff, like I said; I'm assuming you changed it heavily)
No, but closer.
It was based of Armstrong and Miller's 'Airmen' sketch, which features two WW2 RAF pilots that talk in, shall we say, a more modern way
Well worth a watch, they're hilarious sketches.
2014/09/04 10:50:18
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Paradigm wrote: "Well, you see, you can't actually like, tell me was to do, because I has rights and this and that and you're like, not respecting me as a human being or whatever. And that guy you just shot, he was all like, a free person and this, and you just shot him well up just because he, like, wanted to go home. And them over there, yeah, who are shooting at us with like guns and missiles and gak, they is well scary, and it's like well sensible to be scared of them. So you shot him up bad, just because he's, like normal and this. And all I'm saying is that you is like, well harsh, man..."
Bonus points to those who get the reference.
I'm guessing based on the assumption that you modified the actual quote to fit 40K It feels like something Catherine Tate would say in her Sketch show. (Obviously not about being shot and stuff, like I said; I'm assuming you changed it heavily)
No, but closer.
It was based of Armstrong and Miller's 'Airmen' sketch, which features two WW2 RAF pilots that talk in, shall we say, a more modern way
Well worth a watch, they're hilarious sketches.
I've seen that one before.
My friend linked me to it a little while ago.
It is very much worth the watch.
On topic;
Anything.
Say anything and you die.
The stupidest thing? "Hold on, Commie, I need to f*** this Tau chick"
If I sound like I'm being a condescending butthole, I'm not. Read my reply as neutrally as possible, please and thank you.
2014/09/04 11:29:24
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
"Snukk totally iz a 'umie, boss. Snukk is totally fightin' for big boss emprah, boss."
7 Ork facts people always get wrong: Ragnar did not win against Thrakka, but suffered two crushing defeats within a few days of each other. A lasgun is powerful enough to sever an ork's appendage or head in a single, well aimed shot. Orks meks have a better understanding of electrics and mechanics than most Tech Priests. Orks actually do not think that purple makes them harder to see. The joke was made canon by Alex Stewart's Caphias Cain books. Gharkull Blackfang did not even come close to killing the emperor. Orks can be corrupted by chaos, but few of them have any interest in what chaos offers. Orks do not have the power of believe.
2014/09/04 11:44:20
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
COMMISSAR ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What sergeant leads that squad over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you "Man".
DENNIS: Well, you could say "Dennis".
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called "Dennis".
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM commissariat...
DENNIS: Oh commissar, eh, very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the soldiers -- by hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN : Dennis, there's some lovely heretics down here. Oh how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, Commissar of the Astra Militarum. Who's squad is that?
WOMAN : Commissar of the who?
ARTHUR: The Astra Militarum.
WOMAN : Who are the Astra Militarum?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. We're all Astra Militarum and I am your commissar.
WOMAN : I didn't know we had a commissar. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN : Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about, if only people would listen.
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who leads that squad?
WOMAN : No one leads them.
ARTHUR: Then who is your sergeant?
WOMAN : We don't have a sergeant.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN : Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your commissar!
WOMAN : Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for commissars.
WOMAN : Well, how did you become commissar then?
ARTHUR: The Emperor of Mankind, [angels start singing] his arm clad in the purest shimmering gold, held aloft The Emperor's Benediction from the base of the throne signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry The Emperor's Benediction. [singing stops] That is why I am your commissar!
DENNIS: Listen, strange men lying in a state of decay distributing guns is no basis for a system of military. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical throne room ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some golden corpse threw a gun at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around saying, "I was a commander just because some gilded bink had lobbed a laspistol at me" they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody conscript!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you hear that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
The scene ends as Commissar Arther shoots Dennis in disgust.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/09/04 11:51:04
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
COMMISSAR ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What sergeant leads that squad over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you "Man".
DENNIS: Well, you could say "Dennis".
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called "Dennis".
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM commissariat...
DENNIS: Oh commissar, eh, very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the soldiers -- by hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN : Dennis, there's some lovely heretics down here. Oh how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, Commissar of the Astra Militarum. Who's squad is that?
WOMAN : Commissar of the who?
ARTHUR: The Astra Militarum.
WOMAN : Who are the Astra Militarum?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. We're all Astra Militarum and I am your commissar.
WOMAN : I didn't know we had a commissar. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN : Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about, if only people would listen.
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who leads that squad?
WOMAN : No one leads them.
ARTHUR: Then who is your sergeant?
WOMAN : We don't have a sergeant.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN : Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your commissar!
WOMAN : Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for commissars.
WOMAN : Well, how did you become commissar then?
ARTHUR: The Emperor of Mankind, [angels start singing] his arm clad in the purest shimmering gold, held aloft The Emperor's Benediction from the base of the throne signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry The Emperor's Benediction. [singing stops] That is why I am your commissar!
DENNIS: Listen, strange men lying in a state of decay distributing guns is no basis for a system of military. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical throne room ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some golden corpse threw a gun at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around saying, "I was a commander just because some gilded bink had lobbed a laspistol at me" they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody conscript!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you hear that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
The scene ends as Commissar Arther shoots Dennis in disgust
.
It's only lunchtime, but I think you just won Post of the Day!
2014/09/04 11:52:43
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/09/04 12:11:44
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Paradigm wrote: "Well, you see, you can't actually like, tell me was to do, because I has rights and this and that and you're like, not respecting me as a human being or whatever. And that guy you just shot, he was all like, a free person and this, and you just shot him well up just because he, like, wanted to go home. And them over there, yeah, who are shooting at us with like guns and missiles and gak, they is well scary, and it's like well sensible to be scared of them. So you shot him up bad, just because he's, like normal and this. And all I'm saying is that you is like, well harsh, man..."
"Ahh just the lad I wanted to see! My suitcases are over by the transport, be a good man and bring them up to my room. Tomorrow I'll take my breakfast in bed. I like my eggs overeasy. But try not to disturb me before ten." *Stuff two guilders in his breast pocket*
"Now lets see, the recruitment officer said my room had an ocean view..."
...
2014/09/04 12:32:32
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Paradigm wrote: "Well, you see, you can't actually like, tell me was to do, because I has rights and this and that and you're like, not respecting me as a human being or whatever. And that guy you just shot, he was all like, a free person and this, and you just shot him well up just because he, like, wanted to go home. And them over there, yeah, who are shooting at us with like guns and missiles and gak, they is well scary, and it's like well sensible to be scared of them. So you shot him up bad, just because he's, like normal and this. And all I'm saying is that you is like, well harsh, man..."
Bonus points to those who get the reference.
Little Britain!
Nope, it was an Armstrong and Miller sketch I posted further up the page, although I can see where you're coming from.
On the subject of sketches, this one from Mitchell and Webb pretty much requires no translation to fit into 40k, and the commissar would shoot you instantly for such thoughts:
Spoiler:
2014/09/04 12:35:12
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
A guardsman walks up to his commissar, his lasgun in his hands and a calm demeanor on his face. As he gets close, he raises the rifle directly into the officer's face and speaks in a clear, ringing voice.
"Sir, I find your attitude to be against the codes and regulations of the Astra Militarum. I find your practices to be potentially heretical in nature and a detriment to the war effort. In the name of the Emperor of Mankind, I request that you slowly disarm yourself and submit to internment until such time as I can bring you back to headquarters for questioning on your command of this unit."
Paradox ensues.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/09/04 12:44:13
"There is a cancer eating at the Imperium. With each decade it advances deeper, leaving drained, dead worlds in its wake. This horror, this abomination, has thought and purpose that functions on an unimaginable, galactic scale and all we can do is try to stop the swarms of bioengineered monsters it unleashes upon us by instinct. We have given the horror a name to salve our fears; we call it the Tyranid race, but if is aware of us at all it must know us only as Prey."
Hive Fleet Grootslang 15000+
Servants of the Void 2000+
2014/09/04 12:43:39
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Opeth30 wrote: "I may or may not have lost the keys to the baneblade."
This.
4000+ Points
Tau: 1500ish
[GENERATION 14: The first time you see this, copy and paste it into your sig and add 1 to the number after generation. Consider it a social experiment.
2014/09/04 12:45:07
Subject: The stupidest thing you could ever say to a commissar.
Legion: Dark Angels 
1250
Hive Fleet Grootslang 
Tau: 1500ish
