Switch Theme:

Thunderhawk Down  [RSS] Share on facebook Share on Twitter Submit to Reddit
»
Author Message
Advert


Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:
  • No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
  • Times and dates in your local timezone.
  • Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
  • Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
  • Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.
If you are already a member then feel free to login now.




Made in gb
Esteemed Veteran Space Marine




Sheppey, England

I'm getting a bit of an 'Aliens' vibe from the Marines, which isn't a bad thing! Another solid couple of updates. Am enjoying this.

Click for a Relictors short story: http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/412814.page

And the sequels HERE and HERE

Final part's up HERE

 
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut






Toronto

Hmmm... Is he one of those cocky marines who don't think that humans are what they were made to protect?

Adepta Sororitas: 3,800 Points
Adeptus Custodes: 8,100 Points
Adeptus Mechanicus: 8,400 Points
Alpha Legion: 4,400 Points
Astra Militarum: 7,500 Points
Dark Angels: 16,800 Points
Imperial Knights: 12,500 Points
Legio Titanicus: 5,500 Points
Slaaneshi Daemons: 3,800 Points
 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

 Necroagogo wrote:
I'm getting a bit of an 'Aliens' vibe from the Marines, which isn't a bad thing! Another solid couple of updates. Am enjoying this.


I wanted them to sound more real-world since this is a planet that has existed outside the bounds of the Imperium so I wanted the people to be more 'modern'. I also wanted to make it a contrast with how Guardsmen are often portrayed interacting with Astartes, since these people don't know what a Space Marine is they are in awe because he's a giant that just swatted a plane out of the sky but rather than bow and scrape they played up to it a bit. At least, that was what I was going for

lliu wrote:
Hmmm... Is he one of those cocky marines who don't think that humans are what they were made to protect?


I don't think he believes that specifically but the attitude is definitely there. The main thing for Carleeson is that these people aren't like any people he's encountered before and he's never had to spend time with ordinary humans either, certainly not like this and he just can't handle it; they talk to him like he's a man but he isn't so there's a bit of dissonance.

Part of the character of my Chapter is inspired by a Rogue Trader Index Astartes article on the Mentor Legion. So with the Prophets of Hatred, they don't have a lordly or aloof manner like most Space Marines so even though that is one barrier they don't have separating them from ordinary humans, their outlook and beliefs still make them inhuman; unless that human happens to be an Istvaanian!

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut






Toronto

So he is really pissed?

Adepta Sororitas: 3,800 Points
Adeptus Custodes: 8,100 Points
Adeptus Mechanicus: 8,400 Points
Alpha Legion: 4,400 Points
Astra Militarum: 7,500 Points
Dark Angels: 16,800 Points
Imperial Knights: 12,500 Points
Legio Titanicus: 5,500 Points
Slaaneshi Daemons: 3,800 Points
 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

Absolutely.

To give some insight into the mind of the Chapter, here are a few quotes:

It makes no difference what men think of war, said the judge. War endures. As well ask men what they think of stone. War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner. That is the way it was and will be. That way and not some other way... ...War is god.

Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian

You people do well at war because you treat it as a religion.

Squat Warlord Hargir

The fight is on, until my final breath/ I've never wanted anything more

Hatebreed, Never Let It Die


It isn't an outlook which is unique to my Chapter, nor to Space Marines in general but, that Istvaanism is considered a radical belief amongst Inquisitors tells you a lot. It may well be that killing a heretic or a rebel or an alien is a holy act, a prayer to the Emperor. It's more than just a moral imperative to destroy the enemies of the Imperium and the Emperor, the very act itself is a sacrament. I guess it's all about extent.

So war becomes the ultimate state of being and the thing from which all other human activity derives. I already included the Adolf Hitler quote in the story, 'those who will not fight, do not deserve to live'. Naturally that way of thinking makes Carleeson very different to a normal human being. You can add to that, 'to admit defeat is to blaspheme against the Emperor'. Clearly what is right and wrong to a person who believes that is going to be almost completely opposite to what normal people believe. Obviously it's very difficult for Carleeson to reconcile the vestiges of his human nature to protect with his philosophical and religious beliefs especially when we know that the process of creating a Space Marine starts at a very young age so he has a lack of empathy with anyone, of any age, who's first instincts are not to fight and kill.

That's the main gist of the Chapter's beliefs and I know normally a Chapter is generally monochrome but that isn't true for my Chapter, so some of them are a bit more like Salamanders, having seen the flaws in such an extreme belief system, but Carleeson isn't one of them. I don't think it's even that unrealistic to have such differing views exist in a relatively small group of people either. If you imagine any office, college, school et cetera could have a thousand staff/students then your own interaction is with a few dozen people at most, and you will almost certainly never talk in depth with the boss/teachers. It's perfectly possible that you will never meet some of the other people let alone know there specific beliefs and thoughts. People may well like to argue that a Chapter isn't big enough to capture a world or whatever, but as a group of people living their lives then, there's quite a lot of them.

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me!!

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in gb
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Nottinghamshire

Been enjoying this since you started, but shamefully been too lazy to give thanks. Really good stuff. Great job on making a flawed but awesome character.


[ Mordian 183rd ] - an ongoing Imperial Guard story with crayon drawings!
[ "I can't believe it's not Dakka!" ] - a buttery painting and crafting blog
 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

Thanks for the comments, it's good to know all those views aren't just me checking for typos!

I have an idea for the next 'scene' so there's more to come. Thank you for reading and I'm glad you've been enjoying it so far.

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in gb
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Nottinghamshire

Honestly, it's also great to see someone writing in the first person. An awful lot of the fiction I see around 40K is third person, and to me it puts that distance between the reader and and the characters.
It's tricky, but you've totally managed, and made him relatable, despite the vast majority of us being nothing like.



[ Mordian 183rd ] - an ongoing Imperial Guard story with crayon drawings!
[ "I can't believe it's not Dakka!" ] - a buttery painting and crafting blog
 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

Thank you. I think that with Space Marines a lot of what is going with them is internal so from outside you never get to see them as a person because they appear so focussed; I can't claim it was planned but, thinking about it now, I'd like to think that is why Carleeson is a bit miffed that the teacher sees him first as a killing machine when inside his own mind he thinks he's been really open! The first person just sort of happened so I'm very pleased that it's worked out so well.

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut






Toronto

Hmmm... When shall thou next chapter doth cometh?

Adepta Sororitas: 3,800 Points
Adeptus Custodes: 8,100 Points
Adeptus Mechanicus: 8,400 Points
Alpha Legion: 4,400 Points
Astra Militarum: 7,500 Points
Dark Angels: 16,800 Points
Imperial Knights: 12,500 Points
Legio Titanicus: 5,500 Points
Slaaneshi Daemons: 3,800 Points
 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

Thou mayest expect an update anon.

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

Really like where this is going and how a space marine is handling being stranded in enemy territory.

Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

I have only traveled a few streets when I sense my little shadow trailing behind me. I ignore her and keep moving, scanning for contacts. I can see evidence of where the razorshark harried the troopers and following the scent of chared bones I find what is left of one of their comrades. I squat down on my haunches and flick through the debris with one finger. There's nothing much to see; a few scraps of burnt cloth, blackened, crisped flesh on one remaining arm and a twisted rifle.

Behind me there is a lttle gasp and I turn to see my shadow watching me with a strange, flat expression I cannot place. I estimate her age at no greater than eight years standard. She wears no uniform, no personal trinkets. Her dirty blonde hair is in a loose plait, starting to come undone. She seems completely unremarkable to me but then, even the adults all look alike, completely unremarkable except for the small wooden bat she carries.

"What do you want child?"

"Why are you always so mean?"

I could not tell what her expression was before, the subtleties of human emotions beyond me, but that changes now. Every micro expression on her symetrical little face makes her skin tighten in anger, her posture shifts and her tiny hand grips the eighteen inches of scuffed and dented old salix wood tight enough to blanche the knuckles. I taste her adrenaline at the back of my throat. I feel the muscle fibres of my armour bunch, ready to pounce, hear the faintest click as stim injectors get ready to dump combat drugs into my system.

I can see now why there are so few accounts of Space Marines amongst ordinary humans. That said, there are a myriad of attacks committed by the regular citizens of the Imperium, fuelled by anger or lust, the 'crimes of passion'. I wonder then, do they respond to even a child's aggresion like this? Is my reaction so different? The question then is not how can they be so affected but how can they not be and if that be the case, why hold back?

I am not aware of having moved or made any sound but there must be something in my demeanour that she picks up and I watch her pupils dilate, see her lean away as if from a fierce heat. And if my anger be a fire, would I be remiss to burn her? One must tread lightly when dealing with Angels for we are wrath incarnate. So what intrinsic value does this child possess that means I should not kill her for irking me? I take a breath.

"And by what metric do you judge my meanness?"

She looks at her feet and pivots the toe of one shoe on the ground before looking at me from under her eyebrows and with a pout on her lips.

"You just are."

My snort of humour is a hash of soft static from Makorro's old vox grille.

"Very well, I am mean then. What of it?"

"I bet you don't have any friends." She says it as if that could sting me.

"Friends are for little girls like you. I have no need of friends. I have Brothers. I will rejoin them soon."

"I don't have any brothers. I have a sister but she moved away."

I stand back up and begin walking, but not fast. I take my time, examining every detail of the street. I glance through windows, at twilight worlds preserved under layers of dust. I look at signboards over boarded up shop fronts so ancient and neglected that the decades of paint have peeled away to reveal the details of past businesses that traded a century ago. I see street lights so long disused that their casings are filled with moss like an old terrarium. It allows the girl to keep pace with me.

"My name's Ashney by the way." I can practically hear her thinking and wait for her to get it out. "Why did your brother's leave you alone?"

"They left me to die."

"Oh."

I glance at her briefly. Her expression is old, I can see her thinking again. Her sister moved away she said. Does she wonder if my experience mirrors her own? How absurd.

"They must be as mean as you then." She finally concludes and there is an edge to her tone.

"I was badly wounded, they likely thought me dead. Had my place been taken by one of them I would not have hesitated to leave. Our duty comes before all other considerations and if it is the Emperor's will that we die, then we die. It is not for us to second guess the fates of our Brothers but to look to our own first. Duty, Faith, Honour, these are all that matter."

"But won't they feel bad for leaving you when you get back to them?"

"Why should they? If my destiny was to die then nothing they could have done would have changed that. Having left me, I survived and I will rejoin them, so their doing nothing amounts to the same as them having done anything. The only difference is that in my detour down to your world, I saved all your lives from those soldiers, kept all but one of you alive from the Pathfinder ambush and saved those 'marines' from the Razorshark on their heels. It is the Emperor's will, don't you see?"

"Who is the Emperor?"

"The Emperor is the saviour of Mankind and the founder of the Imperium of Man. From His flesh came the first Space Marines and from them all other Space Marines that follow. In each of us flows the Emperor's blood and so wherever we walk, the Emperor walks with us, wherever we stand, the Emperor stands with us and wherever we shed our blood, the Emperor bleeds with us.

"And so, on every world in the Imperium where a Space Marine has shed his blood, there is the Emperor. And in the unreality of the Warp the light of the Emperor's soul is like a beacon fire by which all human ships navigate thus ensuring Mankind's dominance of the stars.

"The Emperor is the Imperium and the Imperium is every one in it. Even you, in your own way, are a part of the Emperor so long as you accept Him in your heart. You have already seen what those who reject Him are capable of and you know what they would have done had I not been there. Do you understand?"

"I think so. So, the Emperor is watching us now?"

"He is."

"And if I get into trouble, the Emperor will help me?"

"He will."

"And if I get lonely, will the Emperor talk to me?"

"The Emperor speaks to us all, we just need to listen. You may not hear His voice, but you must have faith that His spirit guides you."

"So, is the Emperor like a god?"

"There are no gods."

"But gods made everything. They made all the people."

"They did not make me. I told you, all Space Marines are made from the Emperor's own flesh. But there are no gods, that is superstition. There are many who hold that the Emperor achieved apotheosis when He sacrificed Himself for the good of Humanity. But we Space Marines are the Emperor's sons and we know the Truth. Many will tell you the Emperor is god and it may well be wise for you not to disagree with them but you have heard my words. There are no gods."

"I don't think people really believe in the gods anyway. They're supposed to live in trees and rocks and in the air and water but, people cut trees down and throws rocks away and nothing ever happens. I don't think a god would like to be thrown away."

I wonder how much I should say about the metaphysical underpinnings of the world. In my centuries of life I have learned much, certainly far beyond what ordinary men are able, or permitted to know. But I am not one of the Ministorums pious fools or an Administrtum drone terrified at what the common man might do with a little bit of knowledge. They pursue their pogroms and expurgations and what does that achieve, it does not make Mankind's enemies fewer.

"There is a little truth perhaps, in what your people believe. You see, beyond the veil of this world lies the Warp, called by some the Sea of Souls, and it is upon the aetheric tides of that other place that the shadow-selves of all men dwell, the reflections of men's souls. But all things are mirrored in the warp; trees, rocks. And just as a man might lay his hands upon a stone, so too does his soul impart a piece of itself upon the stone's presence in the Warp.

"Over time, those imprints build so that the echoes of men's souls can be felt. So you see, in a way, it is possible that your ancestors could feel those presences, but, being ignorant of their true nature, gave them a supernatural explanation."

"Soo, does that mean that things can remember the people that have touched them?"

"Yes."

"And that's why the Emperor is everywhere, because if you've been there, then He's been there too!"

"That's exactly right. So you see, it all makes perfect sense with no recourse to gods or any such nonsense."

She looks up at me and smiles. I am pleased. She turns to say something and that is what saves her. I have a bolt in the air before the bullet that would have killed the girl, richocheting from my plastron, craters into the road sending up a spray of grit.

I waste no time in getting the girl behind me and instead step in front of her. My shot punches through the sill of a window and sends shrapnel whickering into the room from which the attack came. I already know from the weapon used that this is a human assailent. More shots come at me from the next window along but the flicker of movement before the shots were fired see my pre-emptive attack pulverizing bricks and glass and with a scream that does not stop I know the shooter is badly injured.

"Come with me!"

I do not wait to see if Ashney is following as I run headlong into the ground floor of the building, a terrace of shops with two stories of accomadation above. Metal shutters buckle and plate glass shatters as I charge right through and into a small room. The floor is tiled in pale blue squares which dip in the centre from the traffic of thousands of feet. A flaking wooden counter runs full length and behind that are empty racks, save at one end where suits and dresses in dirty plastic sheets still hang.

"Ashney," I call, turning as I hear her crunch over broken glass. She is wide eyed but her limbs are steady. I lean into an open doorway that leads into a short corridor. Two doors down the left wall and at the end, steps, that turn almost immediately ninety degrees into a flight which must lead to the first floor. "We are going to attack. The safest place for you is right behind me, do you understand?" She nods and I see a firmness enter her eyes. "Take this." From a compartment of my armour I hand her a tool used for making adjustments to the systems within my backpack. The plasteel shank is thin, a rough approximation of a stilleto. I have never used it as a weapon but nothing else I have is small enough for the girl to wield and her wooden bat will be no good against trained soldiers, she needs something that will maximise her strength and size.

"Stay as close to me as you can, if you get the opportunity you stab them in the inner thigh, here," I say, tapping the inside of my leg near the groin. "Then retreat, do not engage them. The Emperor is watching. Are you ready?" She nods and we move.





**********




@ 2BlackJack1: Thank you for the reply and I'm glad you're enjoying things so far.
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

EDIT: Stupid internet made me double post.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/04/29 23:48:49


 
   
Made in gb
Mighty Vampire Count






UK

Another great chaper - brilliant interaction...............

thanks

I AM A MARINE PLAYER

"Unimaginably ancient xenos artefact somewhere on the planet, hive fleet poised above our heads, hidden 'stealer broods making an early start....and now a bloody Chaos cult crawling out of the woodwork just in case we were bored. Welcome to my world, Ciaphas."
Inquisitor Amberley Vail, Ordo Xenos

"I will admit that some Primachs like Russ or Horus could have a chance against an unarmed 12 year old novice but, a full Battle Sister??!! One to one? In close combat? Perhaps three Primarchs fighting together... but just one Primarch?" da001

www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/528517.page

A Bloody Road - my Warhammer Fantasy Fiction 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

I'm glad you liked it. I knew I wanted it to be the two of them but the whole Emperor dialogue just evolved out of nothing, I hope that bit worked alright.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2015/04/30 01:27:25


Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

Sweet, a shoutout. Also really liking the explanation about what the Emperor is, while he does admit that saying the Emperor isn't a god isn't a good health decision. Really nice way of jumping to action and making sure the place is never really safe, with Ashney almost getting shot.

Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

It made sense to me that he would be inclined to indoctrinate her but that he would also recognise that the Astartes view is not shared by the Ministorum who are undoubtedly on their way and already present in some form.

As I said earlier, I don't want to get bogged down with the characters just wandering about, so some action is definitely called for and this time it will be something more than just a few people taking pot shots.

Once again, thanks for the comments, they're all welcome and useful, I've had a few ideas pop into my head based on the feedback. Thanks all.

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut






Toronto

Just brilliant!

Adepta Sororitas: 3,800 Points
Adeptus Custodes: 8,100 Points
Adeptus Mechanicus: 8,400 Points
Alpha Legion: 4,400 Points
Astra Militarum: 7,500 Points
Dark Angels: 16,800 Points
Imperial Knights: 12,500 Points
Legio Titanicus: 5,500 Points
Slaaneshi Daemons: 3,800 Points
 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

Thanks.

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in gb
Esteemed Veteran Space Marine




Sheppey, England

So are we going to learn any more about the Chapter itself? Rites, famous battles or the like? Continued goodness!

Click for a Relictors short story: http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/412814.page

And the sequels HERE and HERE

Final part's up HERE

 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

My boots thump hollowly on the flimsy pulpboard flooring and the threadbare carpet does nothing to soften my footfalls. The entire edifice undulates and after four steps I crunch through to the true floor hidden beneath. Cables and pipes cross and re-cross and it seems likely the false floor and the cabling were done by a complete amateur. The fractional delay gives my enemies just enough time to limp into the corridor themselves as I smash through a fire door in a wash of retardant grit and splinters.

One man carries the other with an arm draped around his shoulder. They both turn at the noise, the one, with a face washed in blood from my earlier bolter fire cannot see through eyes swollen shut and the second goes pale as my immense frame squeezes into the narrow confines of the corridor, shoulder pads raking thick grooves from the plaster walls and mag boots wading through the disintegrating floor.

The sound of my boltgun firing is colossal and the unwounded soldier has just enough time to give an involuntary shout before he and his companion explode in a patter of gore. Their corpses grind to bloody mulch beneath my feet as I continue on. I go through another fire door and enter into a room lined on two sides with old couches. A table under the window has a large device on it with a removable glass jug. Cups and mugs are shattered on the ground where an impromptu sniper's nest has been set up on the table, the rifle lying on its side.

Gunfire in the street attracts my attention and I watch the marines advancing in pairs to engage more of the Tauist soldiers. The marines do not hesitate, constantly moving toward the enemy fire and it is obvious that they are a cut above the soldier's they face. I can see now how they have managed to hold this area for so long but even as I watch one goes down, his legs a red mess. He keeps shooting as a comrade drags him into cover. Impressive.

I am about to bracket the enemy from the window when I hear a thump behind me. I turn and catch a glimpse of a grenade just before it detonates. The force of the blast lifts me off my feet and slams me into the corner, one of the couches collapsing under my weight in a puff of old wool stuffing and twang of springs.
There is a hole in the ceiling and I can see daylight spilling through. To my left, opposite the doorway that led me here, a soldier emerges, stepping out from a small supply room I had not seen, the doorway hidden by a large steel cabinet now lying on its side. Stumbling through the choking dust Ashney doesn't yet see him and he makes a grab for her. He catches her by the arm and presses the barrel of a pistol hard into her temple.

"Drop your weapon or I swear, I will shoot her!"

"Go ahead," I say, unmoving. "But afterward I will pull you apart piece by piece."

"Bastard! I mean it, I swear I'll kill her! Just me let go!" A note of pleading enters his voice.

I ignore him and look at Ashney her eyes boring into mine. "Ashney, no-one's faith is certain until it has been tested. Do you have faith in the Emperor?" She tries to nod, but the gun digs into her flesh and she stops, replying 'yes' with a firm tone.

"Good. The faithful are only truly tested in battle for life is the Emperor's currency." I make a show of raising the scowling MkV to make it obvious I am looking at the soldier. "I make you this promise: Kill the girl and I will let you leave this place alive and unharmed. But no guns."

"You're crazy! Sick! You want me to fight a little kid?!"

"I find that hard to swallow since you are the one with the gun to her head, threatening to shoot."

"How do I know you won't just kill me anyway?"

"Question my word again and I will kill you where you stand, girl or no girl."

Slowly, he moves the gun away and throws it to the ground. He backs up a step and eyes the open corridor.

"Try to run and I will kill you." I say, before he can even attempt doing so. Ashney looks at me and I look back, the lenses of my borrowed helm giving nothing away. "Trust in the Emperor."

Before she can move the soldier launches himself at her with a howl. She turns and staggers to one side, a clumsy evasion which works as she trips over a chunk of plaster. The man is on her instantly however, pushing her to the floor and grabbing a kicking leg. He drags her towards him and gets down on his knees. She fights wildly but her child's strength is nothing compared to a grown man's, and a trained soldier fighting for his life to boot, and she can do nothing as he pins one arm to the floor and reaches for her throat with the other.

Her eyes are liquid with fear and desperation but I do nothing. Her skin begins to redden, face swelling as the soldiers throttles her. "Trust in the Emperor, Ashney." She flicks her gaze to the man killing her, her free hand clawing at his arm, twisting her fingers into the cloth of his uniform. Her eyelids flicker and just as the end seems close a brick tumbles through the hole in the ceiling and hits the soldier on the back of the neck.

He falls sideways and Ashney gasps, her bruised throat squawking as she desperately tries to suck in a breath. She flops to her side and half raises herself onto her knees but wobbles like a drunk and flops back down. The soldier comes again, fighting his disorientation. As his arm snakes around Ashney's throat I see a flash of metal and Ashney strikes blindly with the tool I gave her. The soldier staggers away, gurgling, and reaches up to pull the spike from his throat. He pulls it free and drops it to the floor, a wash of blood sheets down his chest like water from a split bucket.

He staggers to the wall and tries to stay on his feet but he looses control of himself and pitches forwards, his forehead smacking into the dusty carpet. He ploughs forwards on his face and ends up in a quivering heap, gurgling and retching. His death is not swift.

Ashney stumbles forwards, watching him die and she looks down at the tool on the floor covered in his life's blood. She has one hand on her neck and I see finger marks over the carotid artery; had he used two hands he most likely would have crushed her larynx but as it is, the Emperor has smiled upon the girl. She sits down heavily on the opposite couch and we look at each other for a long while in silence. She has the brick in her hand.

"I am very proud of you Ashney. You fought a greatly superior opponent but your faith in the Emperor was true. An enemy of the entire human race lies dead by your hand. Ave Imperator." I thump a fist into my plastron and the noise seems to snap the girl out of her torpor.

She moves the brick around in her hands, examining it from every angle before very carefully setting it down on the seat next to her. She stands on sure feet and goes to retrieve the tool.

"Leave it," I say, finally standing myself. "A warrior needs a real weapon." I pick up the pistol and hand it to her. "This is yours now." I set her to going through the pockets of the soldier, taking anything useful, whilst I take the sniper rifle from the window. It is useless to me but may be of use to the marines and I am loath to leave it here for another traitor to find.

Outside the gunfire has stopped and I see Miss Foster and one of the older girls helping the wounded marine. Moving back down the corridor I catch one last glimpse of Ashney before she falls in behind me and the hard edge that has now entered her eyes makes me smile.





**********




 Necroagogo wrote:
So are we going to learn any more about the Chapter itself? Rites, famous battles or the like? Continued goodness!


You must have replied whilst I was typing! I would like to get in as many details as I can but I suppose that is one drawback of using first person, it isn't as easy to just have a great big chunk of exposition. I've been meaning to write an Index Astartes for the Chapter for years and years but I've never got around to it, beyond basic ideas jotted down, so most of what the Chapter is, is just undefined ideas in my head.

I used the Chapter a lot in some massive RP's back on the old GW Conclave forum but, thinking about, a lot of those stories will be set after this one so far as Carleeson is concerned. Way, way back, when I first got on the internet and starting writing stories I had what was already then, an overdone trope of a Chapter war. I think that event will have already happened but due to the very nature by which the Chapter overcame the schism, in stories written years ago now mind, Carleeson won't really know about it!

I'll have to try and work something in to explore that after he has met up with the other Prophets of Hatred and I'll have to go back over some of my earlier stuff so I can get in all those terms I've invented for Chapter specific ranks and things like that. Otherwise I can just type up a bit of background in one of these Out Of Character posts to cover anything that Carleeson might be able to in the story.
   
Made in gr
Rough Rider with Boomstick




This story has very good pacing and a theme one does not encounter often. Please carry on kind sir!

You shouldn't be worried about the one bullet with your name on it, Boldric. You should be worried about the ones labelled "to whom it may concern"-from Blackadder goes Forth!
 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

Thank you I definitely have ideas that should go for another four or five posts at least and after that, I have no idea. Hopefully something will occur to me!

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

I hope so too, this story needs an ending, it deserves it. Really liking this latest bit.

Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut






Toronto

Love it! And, kindly, BlackJack, please don't cause this to end, I really love it.

Adepta Sororitas: 3,800 Points
Adeptus Custodes: 8,100 Points
Adeptus Mechanicus: 8,400 Points
Alpha Legion: 4,400 Points
Astra Militarum: 7,500 Points
Dark Angels: 16,800 Points
Imperial Knights: 12,500 Points
Legio Titanicus: 5,500 Points
Slaaneshi Daemons: 3,800 Points
 
   
Made in ca
Stormin' Stompa






Ottawa, ON

I'm still wondering if the space marine is a good or bad influence on the little girl.

Ask yourself: have you rated a gallery image today? 
   
Made in us
Master Shaper




Gargant Hunting

I wasn't asking him to end it, I was just saying it is better than being given up on

Irishpeacockz-Blackjack needs a pay raise for being the welcomer to the crusade
Palleus-Write a school essay about Kroot! Pride. Prejudice. And Cannibalsim. 
   
Made in gb
Mekboy Hammerin' Somethin'





Papua New Guinea

I have no ideas for the end yet but it is something I have been thinking about but I would give a hesitant guess that I am maybe a third of the way through. I've had a tendency with the last few stories which I did, inevitably give up on, to outline a larger conflict which was seemingly stood still while the main characters wandered around not really doing anything. So far I think I've avoided that but it is looming. I think that once I've got Carleeson to the marine HQ that will mark the turning point of getting stuck in with the proper fighting.

As for Carleeson's influence, hm. There are people in the world right now (not that I had any of that in mind when writing, I'm just drawing a parallel) who are doing exactly what Carleeson is doing: indoctrinating children and getting them to kill. I don't think we would call them a good influence. The contexts may be very different, or perhaps not so different when all is said and done. It's an interesting angle and not one I had considered before although, it's given me some ideas for then next post so, yay!

Thanks for the comments all, they're much appreciated

Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!

Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
 
   
Made in ca
Stormin' Stompa






Ottawa, ON

You couldend the story with them reaching HQ. Carleeson disappears back into the fires of war while Ashney must live a life with the lessons Carleeson has taught her.

Carleeson could also take her with him. Space Marines have to get more servants from somewhere.

Ask yourself: have you rated a gallery image today? 
   
 
Forum Index » Dakka Fiction
Go to: