I played a casual game against a friend this week and I got wtfpwn'd. He is normally a demons player, but in our emails planning the game he said he had a new army. I asked him to not tell me any details about the new army, so I could put in a more honest effort at an all comers list.
My list
Reclusiarch, Jump pack
Librarian, Epistolary, Jump pack, unleash rage, sanguine sword
Terminator assault squad, 3
TH and
SS
Furioso dreadnought, Blood talons
2 Sanguinary priests, Lightning claws, Jump packs
10 man Assault squad, 2 Meltaguns, Power weapon
10 man Assault squad, 2 Meltaguns, Power weapon
Stormraven gunship
My plan is to start with my 2 assault squads,
HQs, and priests on the board. I plan to keep the Stormraven with Termies and dread in reserve. I plan on hiding for turn 1 and possibly turn two (reserve roll pending). Turn two or three will see me in assault with over whelming numbers and sufficient power weapons to win combat and prep for the next assault.
His list – ORKS! (as well as I can remember)
Mad Dok GrotSnik
29 ork Boys squad, Cybork, Stickkbombs, w/Nob, Power klaw
6 orc Burna boys, Cybork
6 orc Lootas
5 orc Warbikers, Cybork, w/Nob, Power klaw
11 orc Boys squad, Cybork, w/ Nob, Power klaw, Trukk, Armour plates, Boarding planks, Grot rigger, Red paint job, Wreckin’ ball
11 orc Boys squad, Cybork, w/ Nob, Power klaw, Trukk, Armour plates, Boarding planks, Grot rigger, Red paint job, Wreckin’ ball
I don’t know what his plan was. Looking at this list, my first thought is,
wtf? May be I read too many of DoP’s reports, but this looks list looks inefficient and fragile. He has never played the army before. I was very confident that I would be able to do some serious damage.
This guy loves the battle mission book, so we played a mission from there. Random rolling resulted in the space marine all around defense mission. So much for my pregame plan…
Set up
I put everything I have out. There is a building near the center of the table and the objective. I do my best to protect my assault squads. The Stormraven is out there and totally unprotected.
He puts everything on the short table edge (Mad Dok and boys in reserve). Bikes and burnas in the middle and the two trucks on either side. Huh? He is starting as far away from me as possible. I don’t understand.
Pregame assessment
I am totally lost. I’ve never faced orks before and I’m confused by his set up. I’m thinking that it will end up a draw with an assault near the objective. This assessment proves, once again, why I am a terrible player…
Top of turn one – Orks
Bikes, burnas, and trukks move towards the objective. The bikes end up about 10 inches away from the edge of my lines. Burnas are right behind them. The two trukks split a little away from the center and end up about 18 inches away from my lines. He starts shooting. Let me once again point out that my friend has never played orks before. He was very frustrated by the BS2. He shoots everything he can into… my assault squad. Once again, I am totally lost. Lootas has S7 weapons, his trukks have S8 weapons. Why not take out the Stormraven? Anyway, I loose four marines. Consider the odds. His lootas get 1 shot each, his bikes get to shoot, and his two trukks get to shoot. I have a 3+, followed by 4+, and I still lost four guys. It’s the second phase of the top of turn one. It’s way too early to get salty, so I shrug it off. He doesn’t have any assaults.
Bottom of turn one – Blood Angels
OKAY! Time for the boys in red to tell the green skins where to go! I move my storm raven and deploy both the termies and the dread. The dread is about 4 inches from the bikes and the termies are about 7 inches from the trukk. I move my assault squad to within 5 inches of trukk 1. I move the other assault squad so it is completely in cover and ready to react to the Mad Dok when he comes on the field. Plan: Pop trukk 1 with my meltaguns. He will spill out and charge my assault squad next turn, I’ll then counter charge with my termies and wipe him out. The dread should take out the bikes in two or three turns, then start moving to trukk 2. The storm raven will try to pop trukk 2. Actual: I weapon destroy and shake Trukk 1. Trukk 2 pops and flies 11 inches away from the center of the board. The boys and nob inside don’t play a facter the rest of the game. Dread charges and kills 1 bike. 5 total attacks, 3s to hit, 3 to wound, only one dies. I’m starting to understand Cybork body.
Top of turn two – Orks
The Mad Dok and boys come on a long table edge. Thanks to me moving closer to Trukk 1, he is in assault range the round he comes onto the board. His burnas start to move around the bikes and dread. He maneuvers Trukk 1 to use a wreckin’ ball against my assault squad 1. Lootas again only get one shot each. He shoots at… my terminators? Mad Dok and the boys choose to… not shoot at my assault squad 1? Again, I don’t understand his tactics or reasoning. Later he would say he wanted to make sure he could charge with the Dok and didn’t want me to remove models preventing this. I did loose a termie. He inflicted two wounds and a 2+, followed by a 4+ (
FNP) was not enough to save veteran terminator and pride of the blood angels, Sgt. Chumpy. The death of Chumpy would prove to be too big of a loss for the blood angels and they never recovered… Assault! Now I understand some more of the mechanics of his list. He assaulted my 6 assault marines, librarian, and priest with Dok, 29 boys, and a nob. With 17 attacks, rerolls on hits, and wounds, I only managed to peel away three of the boys. I couldn’t crack his 5+ invuln and
FNP saves… He attacked back 113 times. There was nothing but a fine red mist as the Dok and boys consolidated towards the center objective. The boys in Trukk 1 jumped out and… assaulted my termies? I’m so lost. He basically did everything I expected him to not do. I killed four boys and he killed Chumpy’s cousin, Slouchy. It’s only the top of turn two. There is plenty of time for the dice Gods to even out and give me a break. Besides, I was licking my chops as my dread assault was next! Zero wounds… The seat and tray are in their full upright and locked position and I am on a jet to dice rolling purgatory.
At least he does nothing back.
Bottom of turn two – Blood Angels
OKAY! I’m still in it, but it is looking bad. That Mad Dok unit is much scarier than I imagined. I’m holding my own everywhere else. I just need to peel off a few boys, assault with all my fury, and everything in the world will be right again.
I move assault squad 2 into position to shoot, then assault the Mad Dok. I move the stormraven slightly to enable me to open up with everything on the Mad Dok squad. Everything else is in melee. Between 9 bolt pistols, 2 meltaguns, a
tl heavy bolter, a
tl assault cannon, and a blood strike missile, I kill… 2 orks. At this point, I’m rubbing my forehead trying to think of some way to win. If I assault, I’m going to face 80ish return attacks. If I don’t assault, I’m going to face 110 ish attacks. I assault. My 31 attacks result in four more dead orks. It isn’t enough. Two guys hold strong, attempting to dodge the falling body parts from their comrades. The dread finally gets some good rolls and finished off the bikers, he starts to move towards the boys termies. The termies take out a few more boys, but loose second cousin Shleppy. Poor, poor Shleppy. He was fond of polishing his terminator armor and asking people to hold his beer and watch this…
Top of turn three – Orks
Boys from Trukk 2 continue to move towards the objective. They haven’t done anything all game, but I have no way to deal with them. They are about 12 inches from the center. Burnas move closer to the termies. The shootas remember to flick the full auto button and 15 shots rain down on my… Dread! Darnit! Why do you have to start playing smart now! Dread suffers three weapon destroyed and two immobilized as shots pound into his rear… armor. The burnas look like they are out of range, but I encourage him to check, just to be sure. Friendly game and all… Sure enough, partial on a termie means wound rolls. Third cousin, Matt Damon (team America movie joke), thought he saw fire, but couldn’t tell. He took his helmet off and got burninated to death. Seriously! My termie saves were awful this game. The Mad Dok finished off assault squad 2.
At this point, I had 2 terminators with a reclusiarch and a storm raven. He had a a full lootas squad, a full burnas squad, a full boys squad, and 20ish boys with the Mad Dok. I asked if he wanted to continue and he said it’s pretty much over. I agreed and conceded.
Post game:
WTFPWN’D! I was not prepared for and underestimated his deathstar. 5+ invuln saves on everything really makes a difference! I am not qualified to call anything efficient or inefficient. Complaining about dice rolls in battle reports, even when you are the author, is annoying, sorry.
It was a friendly game and we both had fun. I’m excited to face his orks more in the future. Maybe I’ll even last until turn four next time!
