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I like your color scheme, and how you tied it in with the rest of your army.
For the iron halo thing, the paint looks a little thick. I just did one of these and also had a tough time making it look good. The trick is to make sure your paint is thinned down a little. A good mix, I've found, is 4 drops of paint for one drop of water (I put my paint in plastic eyedroppers). Even without droppers, you can mix it on a pallette.
Also, I think you can improve your sergeant's face easily with little effort. It looks like you painted it all with one color, and maybe don't yet have the fine skill to paint it with a blend. That's fine. What you can do, however, is wash it to bring out the details more. If you have some Ogryn Flesh or Gryphonne Sepia, try painting the whole face with a little of this (not too much, or you'll darken it too much). If you don't have either wash, then use a tiny bit of brown or black with water so that's it's almost totally water.
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