Trouble in Texas

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**Monster Rain**

http://www.kens5.com/news/AWOL-monkey-traps-woman-in-her-garage-102807799.html

SAN ANTONIO -- Forget Curious George; it’s “Curious WC” as in W.C. Fields: a spider monkey on the lam, and he’s been spotted in the hills around Boerne Stage Road.

“We hear the monkeys in the morning and we hear them late at night. And when my wife calls me in a panic, it’s a concern,” said Gilbert Rodriguez, whose wife was chased into a garage by the primate.
Just half a block away, is the sanctuary known as “Primarily Primates.” Officials there said last week’s storm ripped open the spider monkey’s 40-foot enclosure, allowing the animal to get out. And today, sheriff’s deputies joined the hunt, after a woman reported being attacked and trapped by primate.

“The way she described it, the monkey had his hands up, ready to go,” said the attacked woman’s nephew Matt Meneses.

Meneses was asleep until his aunt’s screams made him go outside and look around.

The family says their dog scared up the monkey in the backyard under the patio, and it chased the woman into her garage.

“He [the monkey] opened the door once, and then she closed it again," Meneses said.

The animal continued to scratch at the door to get in, keeping Meneses’ aunt trapped for more than an hour.

Sanctuary officials said the monkey may have been looking for food in the garage.

Primarily Primates has been taking in mostly apes and monkeys for decades. These are animals getting a second chance to live out their lives, after being used in biomedical research or bought and sold by pet traders.

And after inventorying their populations, sanctuary officials have at least one living on the outside now.

The Rodriguez family said they just moved into the home in July, but wonder if they’ll stay.

Somebody put up the Wiener Dog signal!

**Khornholio**

"The Rodriguez family said they just moved into the home in July, but wonder if they’ll stay."

It's not like they're zombie monkeys. Yeshhhh.

**Monster Rain**

Do you think that random monkey attacks is something that the Realtor mentioned?

**Cannerus_The_Unbearable**

The monkey wouldn't make it back if I were there. Them's good eatin.

**Gailbraithe**

I'm sorry, but if you can be terrified by a spider monkey then you're a pussy. And should totally be called on it. It's a freaking spider monkey. Even if it's really strong for its size, which I'm sure it is, it's still only 25 pounds. Tops.

Even a 5', 100 pound itsy bitsy slip of a girl can kick the ass of something 25 pounds. If you're an adult human and you lose a fight, or even an intimidation contest, to a 25 pound monkey with a pea-sized brain (spider monkeys are one of the dumber apes) then you just suck. Because that's a fight you can only lose it your head, and sorry, getting psyched out by a freaking monkey is just...oh man...LOSER IS YOU.

**KingCracker**

Ill tell ya what Galibraithe, Ill take bets from everyone on DAKKA on your fight with a spider monkey. Hell Ill even give YOU 5 to 1 odds. Im still betting on the damn monkey, because Id guarantee the spider monkey would not only kick your ass badly, but also walk away with some of your parts. Those things are small sure, but they are SUPER fast very nimble and pretty damn strong for their size. Seriously youd be over whelmed in a snap.

Not to mention those things carry some rather nasty diseases so Id run away as well just to not catch anything. But Id also be shooting that little sucker as soon as my gun is in my hands

Funny story though

**Monster Rain**

KingCracker wrote:Ill tell ya what Galibraithe, Ill take bets from everyone on DAKKA on your fight with a spider monkey. Hell Ill even give YOU 5 to 1 odds. Im still betting on the damn monkey, because Id guarantee the spider monkey would not only kick your ass badly, but also walk away with some of your parts. Those things are small sure, but they are SUPER fast very nimble and pretty damn strong for their size. Seriously youd be over whelmed in a snap.

Not to mention those things carry some rather nasty diseases so Id run away as well just to not catch anything. But Id also be shooting that little sucker as soon as my gun is in my hands

Funny story though

Seconded.

Those things are vicious when they're pissed off.

**Scrabb**

I'm with Galibraithe. Only less smack talk.

**BloodDrop101X**

I wish I didn't live down here with a bunch of slowed gun toting monkeys who can't figure out how to deal with a real monkey so much so someone gets locked in their own garage by a maybe two foot tall monkey really? come on really? I need to move away

**warpcrafter**

Come on people!! Is this the only person in Texas who didn't have a gun? One shotgun blast and you're picking up monkey pate with a squeegee. Anyway, Monkeys are all about the display, so if she'd stood up to it, waved her arms around and hollered some, it probably would have run away.

**del'Vhar**

The monkey had actually taken all their guns, they were just too embarrassed to mention it in the press release.

**Khornholio**

warpcrafter wrote:Come on people!! Is this the only person in Texas who didn't have a gun? One shotgun blast and you're picking up monkey pate with a squeegee. Anyway, Monkeys are all about the display, so if she'd stood up to it, waved her arms around and hollered some, it probably would have run away.

True. I've had the little turd burglars around here try and take a water bottle off of me once or twice and usually a loud 'Feth off you lil'gak!" and a wave of the arms frightens them off. If that fails, chuck a rock at them while shouting "Get Some! Get Some! C'mon and get some!" Hunting season starts in a month or so, so most of the little terrorists that were poking around the garbage bins this summer are back into the hills.

**Frazzled**

KingCracker wrote:Ill tell ya what Galibraithe, Ill take bets from everyone on DAKKA on your fight with a spider monkey. Hell Ill even give YOU 5 to 1 odds. Im still betting on the damn monkey, because Id guarantee the spider monkey would not only kick your ass badly, but also walk away with some of your parts. Those things are small sure, but they are SUPER fast very nimble and pretty damn strong for their size. Seriously youd be over whelmed in a snap.

Not to mention those things carry some rather nasty diseases so Id run away as well just to not catch anything. But Id also be shooting that little sucker as soon as my gun is in my hands

Funny story though

Be nice now.

On the positive this explains why TBone and the Shanker went out in the tropcial storm that went through, even though they hate water, to chase something. Have faith people. The weiners are on it.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

BloodDrop101X wrote:I wish I didn't live down here with a bunch of slowed gun toting monkeys who can't figure out how to deal with a real monkey so much so someone gets locked in their own garage by a maybe two foot tall monkey really? come on really? I need to move away

MMm... Austin, why am I not surprised. I35N is just waiting for you to take your enlightened ass north then.

**Gitzbitah**

Whoa there- you've missed important details about this supposed 'monkey'. The animals at this particular primate shelter come from biomedical research facilities. Which means that mr. Spider Monkey may in fact be part spider, or have all of his pain centers completely supprressed. Heck, he may have been trained to clean African penii for all we know. We'll just have to see what happens 28 days later, after the rage virus has spread across all of Texas.

No one wants to fight a medical experiment animal. Look what happened to that poor dog in this story! Its fate was too horrible to be mentioned.

On another tack, even Texas's escaped monkeys are bigger. Tampa just has our Rogue Rhesus. http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/AmazingAnimals/mystery-monkey-remains-large/story?id=10200150

Sure, he's immune or addicted to tranquilizer darts, but unless you've got a private pool, he just isn't very scary.

**Albatross**

'Mystery Monkey'?

'Spidermonkey'?

These vigilante monkeys must be stopped. Immediately. No-one shopuld be allowed to take justice into their own hands, not even a monkey.

Monkey justice is not real justice.

**generalgrog**

Louisville Sluggers are your friend, when spiders monkeys are in play.

GG

**kronk**

And after inventorying their populations, sanctuary officials have at least one living on the outside now.

At least one?

How do you not know how many Spider Monkeys you have in inventory. Clearly, this is not an ISO 9001 establishment...

**Frazzled**

Sounds like a job for the Mole Men. If the prey goes to ground leave no ground to go to.

**rubiksnoob**

Monster Rain wrote:
KingCracker wrote:Ill tell ya what Galibraithe, Ill take bets from everyone on DAKKA on your fight with a spider monkey. Hell Ill even give YOU 5 to 1 odds. Im still betting on the damn monkey, because Id guarantee the spider monkey would not only kick your ass badly, but also walk away with some of your parts. Those things are small sure, but they are SUPER fast very nimble and pretty damn strong for their size. Seriously youd be over whelmed in a snap.

Not to mention those things carry some rather nasty diseases so Id run away as well just to not catch anything. But Id also be shooting that little sucker as soon as my gun is in my hands

Funny story though

Seconded.

Those things are vicious when they're pissed off.

Hence the phrase "I'll come at you like a spider monkey"

**ShivanAngel**

Id run from a spider monkey.

Of course i was traumatized when I watched outbreak when i was younger. So i probably have an unnatural fear of them!