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**darksage**

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**darksage**

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**Xeroen**

Honest opinion? Didn't even bother trying to read it.

Give it a proper layout with proper paragraphs and speech starting on a new line and the like, and then I will. This isn't a personal attack so please don't take it as such, but with the current layout it is difficult to read on a computer screen.

The best example I can give of the sort of layout I would personally strive for is the sort in the love and Krieg spin-off's here on 1d4chan: http://www.1d4chan.org/wiki/Love_and_Krieg_Spinoffs.

Kudos for trying though!

**Mordoskul**

darksage wrote:.

Loved it!

**Mordoskul**

I think that you should add a little something called puntuation. I think it's off to a good start, however I think that it should be clarified rather or not the Hell's Liberators are space marines or guardsmen. By the way, nice Promethean reference! Should work together to tie in how Desetch joined/formed his own company.

**Devastator**

darksage wrote:.

wow this is epic stuff
how could you write this good stuff

**darksage**

yeah i deleted what i had originally posted here and edited it and re posted it as assault on terrisax part 1