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The Imperial world of Terrisax was on the verge of complete and utter annihilation. A Chaos portal had been opened on the surface of the planet, pouring forth Daemons and the dark armies of the Death guard. Only one thing stood between the doomed planet and the warp-spawned horror threatening to engulf it, the Hells Liberators, a regiment of the Imperial Guard trained in fighting the abominations of the warp and other blasphemies against the God-Emperor of Mankind.

The commanding officer of the Hells Liberators, Force Commander Drias Anderhail, had hatched a plan. A last ditch effort assault led by Drias himself would deep strike into the nearby peninsula and set up defenses, establish a foothold and then move up to take nearby shrines to Chaos. The next step from there would be to assault the Chaos torture chambers and sacrificial shrines, freeing the people held captive there, arm those able to join the fight, and evacuate those who can't before destroying the mass shrine there. It would be easier said than done.

The final move would be to attack the main Chaos camp, aiming to kill the Chaos Sorcerer powering the portal. If the portal fell then the Terrisaxians would be able to mount a counter attack and reclaim their home world, but if the assault failed and portal remained open, then all hope was truly lost.



Desech was the First Captain of the Hell's liberators and leader of Ferrus squad. Desech felt the pride swell in his heart. As he stood to face each member of Ferrus, they were brothers of battle and each-others closest friends, they had been through hell together before, and would do it again, for they were Guardsmen, it was their duty to the God-Emperor, to fight until the last breath and die defiant in the face of the enemy.

Stansfield, was Desech's closest friend among the liberators, he was an idiot, but a lucky idiot seeing as he was still breathing, Stansfield was of average height with short brown hair and a blank look that seemed to never leave his face, and a smile in the face of certain death.
Then there was Lanerus the sniper support of the team, who could hit a target from a mile away and nothing meant more to him than the life's of those who served under him. In this case it was a young conscript named Oplios, who was small compared to the other men but a good fighter none the less, and happy to be going on his first mission outside of training, and was eager to prove himself as part of the team.

Carberus was the biggest in the group and heavy weapons support, who took satisfaction in killing every one who opposed them. In battle Carberus resembled a wild dog with his brutality, but Desech made sure he was kept on a short leash. Carberus carried all the ammo, and any heavy fire power the team might need at any given time. The last member of Ferrus was Amulius, the best in the regiment with a pistol and sword, Amulius was always one to be up close in front leading by example, he had killed men for acknowledging the emperor as anything less than a god, his faith concerned Desech. It was nothing less than fanaticism, Desech was as loyal as any guardsmen, but there was something not right about it.

Drias cast his gaze upon all the Guardsmen in the space port, thinking how much pride there was to be had, the great battles they had all fought together, the many victories they had accomplished, but they had never been faced with a task this big, this...monumental, a whole planet at stake.

''Soldiers of the brave Hells Liberators'' Drias bellowed ''we face the horrors of chaos today, but this is nothing new, it is nothing we have not done before. We have looked into the heart of the warp together, and did we falter?! No, did we fall to our knees and sob?! No, for we know the truth, in death comes redemption, so when the time comes to face your bloody foe, do not be afraid, do not fear, instead drive your blade through the enemies of the imperium knowing the emperor protects !'' Drias had the speaking ability of an iterator. He waited for the cheering to die down and then began again ''We do not go to battle alone today, the Hells Liberator makes up the bulk of our force, and we counted on the 653rd prometheans to make up the difference i see they have not disappointed us today'' another cheer exploded from the audience.



A deafening roar came from the drop pod, as it plummeted towards terrisax. Flames engulfing it from the friction on their decent, but the drop pods were built for such things as intense heat or cold.They would look like falling stars to the enemy thought Desech.

''10 SECONDS !'' screamed lanerus at the top of his lungs, but it was useless, no one could hear him over the blaring sound of the drop pod, this is it Desech thought to himself looking at the soldiers before him wondering, what was in store for them, on the planet below.
:
A thunderous crash sounded, as the drop pod landed the doors opened, the landscape had been morphed by chaos everything they touched died, all that was left was barren rock and rubble of a once lush jungle, Ferrus squad exited the drop pod, they watched as a Promethean drop pod hit the ground at the edge of the cliff, the side started to give way and the drop pod began to fall towards the lava and flames below, the doors opened and a guardsmen jumped for the side of the cliff catching on just barely, the others in the drop pod weren't so lucky, falling to their deaths below.

''Help him'' barked Desech as members of Ferrus squad pulled him up. ''Are you okay'' Desech asked

''yeah yeah'' the guardsmen responded clearly out of breath

''whats your name'' asked Desech eying the guardsmen

''my name is Heinrich'' he said sitting up

''well Heinrich it looks like you will be with Ferrus squad for the rest of the mission'' said Desech

''Fine with me'' he replied looking over at the melting drop pod mourning his lost squad. Suddenly a screeching was heard over the the hill, as large groups of cultist charged down to meet them.Desech revved up his chain sword

''REDEMPTION !'' Yelled Desech as he charged

''REDEMPTION !'' Echoed the Hells Liberators.

Desech kneed a cultist in the face knocking him onto ground, the cultist had begun to rise blood running from his nose as Desech ripped the chain sword through his neck killing the cultist. Desech turned to see Amulius in a dance with three heretics surrounding him, one from behind slashed at him he ducked as the blade soared over his head lunging forward stabbing a traitor in the stomach, then turning to behead a different one, the third cultist ran knowing he was no match for the swordsman, Amulius just laughed as he pulled his laspistol and blasted the fleeing heretic in the back of the head. Amulius was taking a lot more joy in this than others in the regiment were, although deep down they all got solace in killing the enemy's of the imperium.

the heretics made a retreat knowing they had no chance. The guardsmen set up a foothold there with heavy bolter units set up in case of up coming attacks, and hoisted their flag the colors were red and black, and had the imprint of the imperial eagle swallowing a daemon. it gave all the men hope for the days to come, they might actually stand a chance on Terrisax.

Give me your honest opinion.

So... I know I've been helping you via PM the last couple of days with this, but I'll give you a few comments.

Firstly, it's a lot more readable than the original you posted. There are still a few grammatical errors like missing capital letters and missing full stops, but they don't make it unreadable.

Content-wise, the build-up to the battle is good, but the battle itself feels a little short. Overall though, I'd say you're off to a good start on a short story and I look forwards to seeing what surprises are in store for the Hells Liberators!

The Hells Liberators had deployed to the world of Terrisax to fight the Chaos scourge there. Meeting some resistance at the drop zone but few casualties were taken, they were able to establish a foothold. They needed to act quickly, at the moment they had the element of surprise, but it wouldn't last. Drias ordered four units to clear the bridge leading to a mass group of shrines to Nurgle.

''Ferrus squad your leading, you will be backed by the Ogryns, Carran and Gorbat squad, your with them as well, move out we need to get that bridge clear if we want to get the tanks through'' Drias barked.

''Yes sir, you heard the man'' Desech yelled ''move out''

Ferrus squad and the others approached the bridge, it was covered in a thick fog, dark green clouds swirled across the entire bridge, they stopped in front of it not sure what to expect.

''be on your guard men, whatever is ahead of us it can’t be friendly'' Desech looked at the men before him, and entered the fog they all followed with their auto-guns ready.
they started to hear groans that sounded like dyeing men and the tortured screams of victims being mutilated. The dark presence of shadows revealed creatures circled them around the fog.

''Hold your fire men, don't shoot until they are in your sights'' Desech yelled.

''Cammmmmaannnnnderrrrrrr'' Stansfield whined with a worried look on his face.

''What is it Stansfield'' Desech replied impatiently, Waiting for one of the shadows to reveal itself.

''They sound unhappy, kind of like that time I stubbed my toe.'' Stansfield shuddered recalling the horrific memory of his past.

''Yes i remember, you cried for a half hour'' Desech laughed at the thought.

''IT HURT'' Stansfield protested
suddenly the daemons emerged from the fog charging them, their warped Grey skin flayed off as the as shells from auto-guns ripped into them. They fell dead, but more kept charging they looked like skinny Grey skeletons with skin covering them.

''HOLD THEM BACK'' Desech yelled, spraying bullets at the daemons, but they kept coming. Gorbat squad pulled out their chain-swords and charged them in close combat cutting through them and toppling over their body's one after another. Suddenly the daemons mobbed them dragging guardsmen into the fog. Oplios screamed as he was dragged by three of the creatures. Lanerus pulled two laspistols and charged the creatures’ one of them threw Oplios on the ground at the sight of Lanerus pursuing them, Lanerus raised his pistol and fired hitting the creature dead center in the head spraying rotted flesh across the ground.

Two charged him from each side. He fired with both pistols killing one, and wounding the other. Lanerus called out as one of the daemons jumped on his back, he fell forward onto the ground. The monster came at him with its razor sharp claws; just before the claw slashed open his neck. Carberus grabbed the monster and tore it in two. Oplios was wrestling with one of the daemons; he scrambled for his pistol and blasted the monster in the jaw blowing rotted flesh across him. He pushed the monster aside turning his gaze to see the guardsmen falling back in formation; he hurried to rejoin Ferrus squad.

The assault squads had returned to the foothold after very thoroughly cleansing the bridge of all Chaos activity.
''I assume what i requested has been carried out Captain.'' Drias said sternly studying Desech.

''It has sir although not without resistance, we lost some of Gorbat squad and two men from Carran. But now the tanks can get through without issue.''

''Ample work captain i am impressed. Get the tanks ready to assault the shrines, we have a break in the enemy's defenses, we must hurry'' Drias ordered the crew man.

''Will we be with the tanks in the Assault sir?'' Desech asked

''No you will not, we are being attacked from two areas making troop movement difficult, I won’t have it.''

''What would you have us do sir'' Desech replied obediently

''Why kill them naturally. One of the camps is located at an the ruins of a chapel to the god-emperor to the north, the other near a bunker to the west illuminate them then join up with us at the shrines. This is of the utmost importance. I trust you won’t fail me. You will be accompanied by Carran squad''

''yes sir. Men form up on me. Amulius you will lead Carran squad and take the chapel. Ferrus squad and I will take the bunker. Move out''

''For the Emperor'' Amulius said grabbing Desechs wrist in a hand shake.

''For the Emperor'' Desech repeated shaking his hand.

Ferrus squad had taken them by surprise; the cultist didn't even have the chance to retaliate. Lanerus made good use of his sniper, covering the rest of the squad as they charged to massacre the unsuspecting cultist it was over in minutes. They never stood a chance.

''Do you think Amulius had this much ease in taking the chapel'' Carberus laughed

''I assume so. Ferrus squad return to the base and wait me there'' Desech ordered

''where are you going Captain'' Oplios asked

'' I'm going to get Amulius.'' Desech replied

Desech approached the chapel. Seeing bodies of cultist strewn about. Blood splatter from the dead going in all directions. The smell of the fresh corpses filled the air. Desech walked through the ruins of the chapel and saw Amulius kneeling before the alter shaking.
''The Emperor protects, the Emperor protects, the Emperor protects.'' Amulius kept repeating.

''Amulius what’s going on here and where’s Carran squad'' Desech demanded

''I heard him, the Emperor spoke to me'' he said turning, Amulius was the palest Desech has ever seen him

''Where is Carran squad'' Desech repeated with anger in his voice

''He said the imperium was a lie, he said we are all rotting, we are all in a state of Decay!'' Amulius rambled with a crazy obsession in his voice

''You Murdered them didn't you!'' Desech roared.

A grin crept across Amulius’s face ''He told me if I slay you I can be saved, if I cleanse the blind then he will make me immortal''

Desech revved up his chainsword and charged him. Amulius laughed as he pulled his blade. Desech jumped at him, Amulius side stepped and smashed the hilt of his sword into Desechs face. Desech fell backwards and rolled to the side as Amulius stabbed at him, Desech swung at him from the ground. Amulius skillfully avoided the blade and grabbed his wrist

''We don’t have to do this, you could join me we could both be immortal. We could remain brothers.'' Amulius said staring into Desechs eyes
'
'No we can’t, you gave brotherhood up when you forsook the word of the Emperor'' Desech yelled tackling Amulius to the ground both of them throwing punches at each other.

''YOU FOOL, IT WASN'T THE EMPEROR, WHO SPOKE TO YOU IT WAS NURGLE'' Desech screamed. But Amulius was deaf to anything he had to say. Desech pinned him on the ground and picked up a stone

''Last chance Amulius, don't make me kill you'' Amulius looked up at him and spit in his face. Desech looked down seeing nothing of his former friend. He smashed the stone into his head until the corpse no longer resembled anything of Amulius, Just a bloody mess. Desech returned to camp having killed the traitor in their midst.

''Commander are you alright'' Heinrich yelled horrified at the sight of Desech stumbling into camp covered in cuts and bruises with dried blood covering him.
Lanerus and Carberus rushed over to him alarmed
''What happened to you and where’s Amulius'' Heinrich questioned Desech turned his face from them

''Amulius and Carran squad were killed. There was more resistance than we expected, they are dead the chapel is clear now though.'' Desech said not wanting them to know the fate of the once good man who served with them. Each man of Ferrus squad lowered their head at the news of their comrade’s death.

'' We have to meet up with Drias, they have no doubt cleared out the shrines by now'' said Desech. The men left to join their fearless leader in whatever else was to come in the future.