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The Future of Chaos

Azrael strode through the halls of the massive ship that served as his home. He had once loved his new found freedom. He began to think back to the day his Chapter turned away from the Imperium...

Lucifer Steelfist had led the Emperor's Spears for decades. They had singlehandedly stopped a Tyranid invasion of their system. But when Lucifer turned, they all had, during the one torturous month in the space hulk with the corruption of him and his men. Blood and slaughter followed in the years after.

Azrael was a Space Marine at the time. When the Spears had split, he quickly rose through the ranks, becoming a leiutenant and then a Champion. His pysker powers came to the front in the battle of Sounders' World, where he had ripped an Avatar apart with his mind before striking it down with his force weapon. His skill at destruction had been recognized and he was promoted to a Sorcerer, though he never gave his alliegence to any god. He was remembering the hot lightning that spat from his hands and struck the burning creature when he turned a corner and found The Lord Lucifer staring down at him

"Good evening, Azrael"
"My lord"
"I wish for you to lead a squad of Marines. We have a small settlement just outside of our base of operations that is trying to raise a rebellion. I will give you the coodinates on board your vessel"
"It shall be done, Lord"
"Good. I know I can count on you, my Sorcerer"
Azrael walked past the hulking Daemon Prince, and took a grav-tube down to the battle practice area. A squad of Marines five men strong was blasting targets away with bolt pistol and chainsword. Azrael's own sword thrummed in his hand as he drew it and threw the sword like a spear, striking one dummy in the heart. The practicing Marines turned at his coming.
"You five, with me"
They followed without question. The grav-tube took them to the loading dock, where a Thunderhawk gunship, Azrael's own personal craft, lay to one side. They boarded it, and Azrael took control. He began to think about the battle he was about to endure as they flew towards the planet. The ship was guided towards the nearest landing area, and gently landed, the access ramp opening up. Without hesitation, Azrael's men ran down the ramp yelling their battle cries, Azrael himself close behind.
As they ran out into the sun, he saw a mother covering her child. One of the Marines pulled his pistol and shot her in the chest, flipping her corpse over the girl. The child's shocked eyes locked with those of Azrael, and he looked at her. Inside, he realized something, the feeling of fear, of hatred, and of his own rising guilt. And he realized he didn't serve Chaos anymore.
He looked at the little girl, and turned away. He charged after his men, sword drawn. The runed blade sliced through the first Marine, then the next even as the others turned around. He charged and slew them all. He looked around him, at the people who stood in terror.
"Come with me, unless you want to die with them"
The people followed him into his ship without a word. He looked again at the little girl, her big eyes staring back at him. He leaned down.
"I'm sorry about your mother. But thank you. You let me see"
He started up the ship, and flew away from the blasted surface of the planet.
He looked back at the life he had led. And for the first time in his life, he cried. Cried until he couldn't cry anymore, his own guilt trapping him in his world of self-hatred. And that little girl came to him in the cockpit and put her hand on his arm, as if to steady him.
"I know a place where we can be safe" he whispered to her quietly, "a place where no evil can touch us"
And indeed he did. He suddenly recalled in the depths of his mind a poem.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference".

I thought it was good but the story itself seems a bit rushed I didn't see a lot of build up to the choice and im not sure space marines can cry. I liked that when the chapter betrayed they all followed Lucifer Steelfist out of loyalty to him. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Thanks. It is a bit rushed. I'm planning to do more backstory to the Fall of the Spears. And yes, Space Marines can cry. They just choose not to.

Oh hey you learn something new every day, yeah i guess iv heard of their eyes watering but not full fledged sobbing.

No new posts... why?

I don't know. I don't really get much time on the computer.

Um... That was a short heel-face turn.

"I am a killing machine who serves dark gods of temptation and- Oh my God, did you just kill that mother? I'm done with Chaos, I'm gonna go fight crime!"

Okay, that was a bit blunt, but I think that a story about a Chaos traitor-turned-good could really be served by having him not be so easy to turn. And calling a guardsman a "dummy" just makes the narrator sound childish. Also, skipping over the combat scene so quickly was not the best idea; combat is one of the main draws of 40k, since it IS about guys fighting.

Still, I do think the basic premise (Chaos Space Marine rejects the ruinous powers and goes vigilante) has potential. I hope you continue writing.

Necroman wrote:. And calling a guardsman a "dummy" just makes the narrator sound childish.

He was reffering to a practice dummy.

Mordoskul wrote:

Necroman wrote:. And calling a guardsman a "dummy" just makes the narrator sound childish.

He was reffering to a practice dummy.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's kind of a quick transition to the raid, so I got confused there.

Rushing is a major problem within anything I write, and I was originally going to make this longer, but failed. My idea was that since Azrael had never fully pledged himself to Chaos, stopping his rampages would need something else. Again, I didn't do this very well, but this is my first 40k fiction, so there's always room for improvement.

I LIKED it!

Epic. All there is to it really...