Yellin' Yoof
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Game Background:
4 Friends gather on a Tuesday evening for Pizza, BBQ Ribs, Big Red, Beer and WAAAR!!!!
The Hive Tyrants, Douglas of the Hive Fleet "Shenanniganz" and Franklin of Hive Fleet "Frankenstein" attempt to turn Jason and Timothy, true and brave servants of the God-Emperor of Mankind into so much bio-mass for the Great Devourer!!
Can Jason and Tim hold back the never-ending wave of Monstorous and near invulnerable Tyranids? Or will the Unstoppable horde of blasphemous Xeno-nightmares rule Jason's diningroom table forever?!
The Players:
Douglas: Tyranids 1000 pts.
3 Zoanthropes
2 Carnifexes
3 Hive Guard
Tyranid Prime
Biovore
Doom of Malantai w/ Mycetic Spore
+ Upgrades
Franklin: Tyranids 1000 pts.
Tyranofex
2 Zoanthropes
Tyranid Prime
8 Genestealers
3 Tyranid Warriors
Trygon
+ Upgrades
VS.
Timothy: Imperial Guard 1000 Pts.
1 Valkyrie
2 Vandettas
10 Stormtroopers
Company Commander and Command Squad
10 Catchan Troopers
2 squads of 10 Cadian Troopers
+ Upgrades
Jason: Imperial Hammers Space Marines 1000 pts.
1 SM Captain w. SM Bike
5 SM Bikers
10 Stern Guard w/ Combi-Meltas
5 Tatical Marines
5 Scouts w/ Sniper Rifles
Grey Knight Grand Master w/ 4 Terminator Guard
+ Upgrades
DEPLOYMENT:
Gaming surface: 42" X 52" dining room table
Desert Gaming Mat w/ Desert "rock" terrain: 4 elevated "dangerous" & 3 Impassable Rock Column terrain pieces, 4 "Tropical" cover terrain pieces, 3 Imperial Buildings, 5 Tyranid Spawning Pools.
Zones: 12" from short edge of table
Objectives: "Misplaced" Virus Bombs, Batch of Tyranid "Eggs", Oasis Terrain Piece.
Points:
Up to 5 kill points for units.
1 Kill point for each objective held.
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TURN 1
As the hot winds blew across the desert world of Jasonsdiningroomtable, the forces of the Imperium of Man receive word that a Tyranid strike force is advancing. Commanders Tim and Jason prepare themselves to stand valiantly before the ravenous horde. The Hive Tyrants Frank and Doug prepare for their sweeping advance as Tim and Jason align themselves to maximize fire.
a) Franks Genestealers creep silently before the advancing horde and take cover in a copse of Tropical trees waiting to spring an ambush.
b) Jason's Space Marine Scouts spot the genestealers easily and set up on an elevated position and put thier cross hairs over the heads of the Xeno scum!
Imperium - 1MJ) Jason's Space Marine Captain and his retinue bike squad roar forward as the call to battle is issued over the Imperium Vox-net. The Sternguard, knowing their Hellfire rounds are the best defense againt the monsterous horde before them, cautiously advance. The Tactical squad runs forward to secure the "misplaced" virus bombs. The Grey Knights stand ready on the Embarkation deck of the Battleship "Redemption," thier ancient Teleport becons ready to send them to where they are needed. The scouts ready to fire.
Imperium - 1MT) Tim's Command squad survey's the situation from the Valkyrie, and calls for the Vandetta Squadron to move forward and ready to fire thier Lascannons. The Cadian and Catchan Troops advance into cover. The Storm Troopers await high above the battlefield to "lay down some hurt on some bugs"
Imperium - 1SJ) The Scouts open fire with thier sniper rifles, and pick off 2 of the Genestealers, who easily pass thier pinning test. As the SM Captain and his cycle-gang press forward thier twin-linked bolters spew death into the treeline killing another 3 Genestealers. The Sternguard are out of range and so they run forward 3 inches and ready themselves for what is to come.
Imperium - 1ST) The IG units are all out of range so the foot soldiers move forward and hold thier positions on the firing line. The Vandettas and Valkyrie move forward thier Lascannons spearing coherant light into the oncoming Tyranid Machines of death. In total, they strike a Carnifex doing 3 wounds and a Tyranofex doing 2 wounds.
Imperium Assault Phase: No one in Range.
Tyranids - 1MF) Hive Tyrant Franklin decides that discretion is the better part of valor and moves his Genestealers through thier cover, and try to retreat them back, but a series of bad rolls leaves him still in the range of the Space Marine guns. They remainder of his Tyranids advance toward the Lines of the Imperial Army.
Tyranids - 1MD) Hive Tyrant Doug, does the same moving the masses forward in a line of thundering hooves and Monsterous shadows. His Monsterous creatures battering away cover with ease.
Tyranids - 1SF) Franks Tyranofex' Rupture cannon fires its deadly payload at the Vandetta Squadron, but fails to damage the venerable flying machine, with a roll of 1. The remaining units run forward around the cluster of Terrain at the edges of the clearing near the center of the table. But is nearing a set of 2 choke points that Jason and Tim hope to take advantage of.
Tyranids - 1SD) Doug's Biovore hopes to take out the SM Snipers on the hill above the Oasis but has his LOS blocked by the Horde of Monsterous creatures before him, and the drift only catches 2 Space Marines. Both make thier 4+ save. No one else is in range, so the Tyranid horde rushes forward, running, but only for 3" max due to bad dice rolls.
Tyranids Assault Phase: No one in range.
End of Round 1:
- Tyranids: 0 KP
- Imperium: 0 KP
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TURN 2
The Tyranids are moving slowly but they can't be underestimated. Tim and Jason are aware of thier lethality at close range, and so they cautiously pick thier way forward. Frank and Doug's Tyranids can't wait to scythe thier bony weapons through the righteous flesh of the Imperium's heroes.
Imperium - 2MJ) The SM Bike Squadron moves forward again and closes the distance with the cover the Genestealers hide in. The Sternguard stand thier ground if they need to take a long shot at the Genestealers, and the Snipers ready themselves to fire. The Grey Knights, in a flash of ozone and arcane energies appear on the battlefield, but a bad Deep strike roll sends them 9 inches off range, dangerously close to the advancing Tyranid hordes. They realize that they are in assault range of multiple monsterous creatures, and began chanting the litany of "GAWDDAMMITSOMUCH!!" as they ready for thier eventual death. The Tactical Squad moves to take an objective.
Imperium - 2MT) The Gunships move to provide a wider field of fire, but do not advance, nor do they fall back, despite Jason advising Tim via "sub-space face-palm" that is he moves back he can avoid a rear armor attack from the Nidzillas in our deployment. But Tim's expert tactical analysis has revealed that his Gunship pilots are suicidal and they don't mind being destroyed by the Tyranofex... they are gonna Kamakazi the Carnifexes and "take out a big boy"??? The Imperial Troops move thgough cover but it is slow going, and manage to move into but not through thier respective covers. The Storm Troopers no appear and look to take down an isolated Carnifex from Hive Tyrant Doug's mob, but the deep striking ability of the IMperium is off this evening and they end up 10 inches to the right. Barely missing a DS mishap, and now stand beside the Grey Knights as the filthy insects near the choke point. With cries of "AHHHHHH!!! THEY'RE COMIN' RIGHT FOR US!!" The Storm Troopers bravely prepare to fire.
Imperium - 2SJ) The SM Scouts fire on the Genestealers... but fail to kill any. The Space Marine Bikers begin firing and manage to kill the rest of the genetealers in the cover. The Sternguard are now out of range, and so stand thier ground, not wanting to commit themselves before the reserve units of the Tyranids appear behind them (which they have a sneaking suspicion that they will do!) The Grey Knights raise thier stormbolters but even the righteous bolts microscpoically inscribed with the throusand litanies of the ministorium munition experts on Saturn, can pierce the Tyranofex's thick chitinious plates. The tactical squad moves to take the first of the Objectives, the Virus Bombs.
Imperium - 2ST) The Gunships fire again, thier Lascannons fail to hit, but the twinlinking computers self correct and manage 3 hits total. All fail to wond on rolls of 1. Commander Tim suspects sabotage, but soon finds out that on the world of Jasonsdiningroomtable, The Imperium gets ridden hard and put up wet by the Chaos Dice Gods. His other units are out of range and so move into a new firing line. Tim's Storm Troopers fire thier Hot Shot Las Rifles, the Ap 3 will make quick work of the Carnifex. Despite much debate he decides to shoot the "Un injured" one. His confidence in his Storm Troopers inspires even the beleagured Jason, who has taken the majority of the lumps so far... but Tim learns that no matter how high the Ap of you weapon is, a S3 will still ned a 6 to wound. The melta does 1 wound and the rest do 2. The Carnifex still stands, and Tim curses his dice and we take turns throwing them at the Tyranids. Tim grips the table edge and with pleading eyes to Franklin & Doug, bends at the waist and whimpers softly "Be gentle." But we all know, there will be not gentle caress for Tim or Jason. The Nids are in perfect position, and only a miracle can save them.
Imperium Assault Phase: None in range.
Tyranids - 2MF) Franks Nid's now smell the fear of the IG and begin to advance, but they get clogged up in the choke point, and they now have to slowly move through one at a time. His Tyranofex moves forward again to fire on the Gunships, as his Warriors charge toward the Grey Knights. Behind the Imperial lines, the Trygon awakes, and bursts from the ground directly behind the Sternguard, it's emergence leaves it closer than an inch, but instead of a Deep Strike Mishap, Frank is able to simply reposition it so it is safe.... it's containment spines bristling with stored energey, ready to unleash hell. His Tyranid Warriors move to take the Objective, and ready to fire.
Tyranids 2MD) Doug's Hive guard move into cover and ready their impalers. The 2 Carnifexs now close on the Grey Knights, thier twin linked devourers ready to burst with brain leaches. The Biovore meanders in the back... forgotten. Now the big reveal, the Doom of Malentai rides the Mycetic hell-spore to the ground, and Jason watches helplessly as the Scouts fail thier "Shadow in the warp 3d6 leadership test, and 5 Scouts wither into lifeless husks before the eyes of their alies. The Sternguard also fail but only by 2, and 2 of the veteran battle brothers fall as well. The tactical squad nearby pass with ease.
Tyranids 2SF) Franks Tyranofex fires its Rupture cannon a second time and scores a direct hit, a Vandetta is violently ripped inside out, and the Comman Squad inside, barely survies the resulting explosion, and falls to the ground on thier grav-chutes. Tim's suicidal positioning of the Vandettas has proven to be their undoing. The Trygon fires amd kills 3 more Sternguard, but the rest are able to survive, their armor asorbing the discharge. He finishes by using his Tyranid Warriors to shoot at the Grey Knight Terminators. Killing 1.
Tyranids 2SD) Doug has The Doom of Malantai fire and kills another Vandetta, it's high powered shooting attack making quick work of the rear armor of the gunship. The resulting explosion is 6" in size, and finishes off the rest of Tim's Catachan jungle fighters, in a series of 5's and 6's to wound and 1's and 2's to save. The Mycetic spore fires as well, and hits a Cadian Unit, killing 50% of the unit. Tim makes his insane leadership test and is able to stand their ground. Jason bemoans the Tyranid OP Shennaniganz, and grabs a codex to see if there is anything he can do...sadly... they are simply gonna have to suck it up and take it from behind... behind thier lines that is.... not the other thing you were just thinking about ....PERVERT! The Biovore's shot lists lazily to the right, hitting terrain and not much else. But the twin linked shots at assault 6 smash into the Storm Troopers, hoping to make quick work of them before the charge! Sadly all but 1 fail thier saves, and the unit is reduced from 10 to 1. The Lone Sergeant, luckily, screams like a little girl and flees, 11" denying the Carnifx a chance to charge. The other Carnifex is now less than 8 inches from Jason's Grey Knight Terminators, and is ripe for the charging. He quckly realizes that the Terminators have a high WS and the Nemisis Force weapons will make quick work of his Carnifex, so he brings his Hive Guard and thier Impaler cannons manage to kill 2 more of the Grey Knights. Snake eyes again for the "Dice Poor" Jason.... a pregnant pause befalls the group, and without warning the Pizza Guy arrives!
Huzzah!
Tyranids Assault: None Possible.
End of Round 1:
- Tyranids: 5 KP
- Imperium: 2 KP
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TURN 3
Jason and Tim's chances for victory stands on the edge of a knife, they agree to discuss strategy now instead of suicide. Jason prepares to make the most of his sacrifice, and Turns to his Grey Knights. Frank and Doug greedily lick BBQ ribs-bits from thier fingers. Thier BBQ stained mouths, eerily reminicient of the slavering blood covered jowls of thier Tyranid hordes drives Tim insane!!! and he begins his turn....
Imperium - 3MT) Tim's Cadian Troopers burst from thier cover and move to react to the incursion of the Doom and the Trygon Prime. The Remaining troops also move to best fire. The Vandetta Drifts in a circle turning it's rear armor to the Tyranofex, it targets the Doom as well. With Tims troops in position he feels he is ready to turn the game around.... and while Jason is out of the room getting some Pizza and refilling his drink, Tim begins Shooting without considering his allies also may need to move!!!
Imperium - 3MJ) None.
Imperium - 3ST) Tim begins firing, heedless of his Allies movement requirement! His Vendetta opens fire on the Doom of Malantai, blood drunk he blasts the Doom cleanly from the board! Its cries resound through the warp, and a cheer goes up from the IG, the Order is issued "First Rank, Second Rank FIRE!!" And then the Mycetic Spore is no more. Jason returns, and sees Tyranids flying off the board, and is happy, but then realizes that Tim has skipped his movement! His Captain lead biker squadron, ready to assault a Carnifex is out of range. And his Grey knights may not be able to assault. Tim apologizes, but Jason is inconsolable. Frank and Tim offer to allow Jason to move his guys, but Jason (in a rare and not-to-often shown bit or regulatory restraint, Jason agrees that it is nice of them, but "rules-is-rules" and steeles himself to lord this incident over Tim mercilessly for all eternity!) Tim finishes off the Mycetic spore.
Imperium - 3SJ) Jason announces that if they lose it is all Tim's fault. Relieved of all burdens of guilt in the matter, Jason throws caution to the wind, and decides that the Grey knights can take on all the Monstrous creatures on the board! He issues the challenge, and Frank and Doug answer the call.. The Sternguard fire their Combi-Meltas, and wipe the Trygon off the board, as Frank Howls in Dismay! Jason's Grey Knights fire, and the Storm-bolters hit the Carnifex, gravely wounding a Carnifex... and bringing it to 1 wound remaining. The Tactical Squad smokes a Iho Stick and talks about "Vah-geena" (ala, Bruno)... the objective firmly in thier nicotine stained fingers. Teh Bike squad fires on the Carnifex nearest them, but thier S$ bolters patter harmlessly off its scaly hide.
Imperium Assault: Thanks to Tim, not possible. DAMN YOU TIM!!!
Tyranids - 3MD) Doug now decides that it is time to bring it! He moves 2 Carnifexes into range as well as his Hive Guard, and his Zoanthropes. They Grey Knight Ageis is throwing his off a bit, so he decides the Zo's should go after Captain McBiker and the Space Marine Biker Bozos. The Biovore wanders about aimlessly again, still just firing and standing, firing and standing. Relieved of his Doom, he readies to meet out revenge at the end of twin linked devourers, and impaler cannons.
Tyranids - 3MF) Frank also can’t wait to make use of his own warrior’s bone swords and moves in for the charge. His Tyranofex moves again into range to take out the last of the gunships, as he sees the rear armor is now facing his rupture cannon. He hoots and prepares to fire. His Zoanthropes come in from reserves and are now floating menacingly above the hole the Trygon so conveniently made for them.
Tyranids – 3SD) Doug decides to use the Zoanthropes blast template over the Captain and his biker boyz. But a Carnifex is blocking his LOS and the scatter dice causes it to drift, catching 2 boys, but he is unable to wound them. The Grey knights suffer under the withering fire of the 2 Carnifex’s, but are able to ward off their blows by making 10 out of 12 armor saves…. Now the Grey Knight Grandmaster is by himself, facing 3 Tyranid warriors, 2 Carnifexes, and 3 Hive Guard. The hive guard fire, but they are unable to kill the Grandmaster as well. The biovore fires, but he too cannot hit to save his life, and the shot drifts aimless off to the rear.
Tyranids – 3SF) Frank also decides to soften up the Grandmaster and shoots. He is able to wound him, but still the Grandmaster, with one wound, is ready for them, his force weapon hums as he prepares to receive the charge. The Tyranofex fires! Its bio-organic nastiness ready to make short work of the rear armor of the Vandetta, and it does, easily penetrating the rear armor… Stunning the Vandetta, unable to move or shoot it is a “flying” duck. (as opposed to “sitting”) The Zoanthropes try their best to kill some Sternguard, but fail. Frank says it doesn’t matter, he is gonna kill him a Grandmaster! …and his Nids ready for the charge.
Tyranids – 3AD) Doug decides that the Carnifex’s low Initiative will be his undoing, he doesn’t charge in, instead he holds back to allow the hive guard and Tyranid warriors to rush in and do the job for him. His Hive Guard move in for the kill. The Grandmaster awaits, and hacks into them, almost killing one. Their attacks are ineffective and fail to hit.
Tyranids – 3AF) Frank wades in with his Tyranid Warriors hacking, the Grandmaster returns his attacks, killing one and wounding another. The Warriors attack back, but again the dice fail them and the Grey Knight Grandmaster survives!!
END ROUND 3
- Tyranids: 6 KP
- Imperium: 5 KP
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TURN 4
Tim and Jason agrees that Tim is a tool, and determine that they have caught up in KP’s and now all they need to do is seal the deal by killing as many monstrous creatures as they can. Frank and Doug try and figure out what went wrong, and hastily perform “Ancient Aboriginal” Dice Luck Rituals in order to secure their victory.
Imperium – 4MT) Tim attempts to consolidate and rally his still fleeing Storm Trooper SGT, but the man’s mind is unhinged and he continues to run for the hills. His other IG move back into Cover, the range still to far for them to be effective, so they get back into the trees and await the inevitable. The Vendetta hangs uselessly in the air, unable to move or shoot. The Command Squad moves closer to the last remaining Cadian Troopers.
Imperium – 4MJ) Jason’s SM have taken it, now they want to give it. The Biker squad moves up into “Rapid Fire Range” They are gonna kill a Carnifex either by shooting or by assaulting. The Sternguard regroup and move toward the cover to await the possible demise of the Grandmaster so they might use their Hellfire rounds to rip the Nids a new one. The Tactical squad form a circle around the objective and hold hands.
Imperium – 4SJ) Jason advises Tim that he is gonna shoot first cuz it is time for him to go take a long needed bathroom break. He fire on the Carnifex, and fails to wound it, those 6’s still elusive, but feels confident about his charge, and assault chances. The Sternguard can’t hit anything so they run for cover ahead of them.
Imperium – 4ST) Tim decides that he can’t do much of anything except try and kill some Zoanthropes, and orders first rank second rank fire. The Zoanthropes drop from the combined 45 shots. 3 from each of the 15 troopers left in range. To which Frank announces that the IG are broken, and that the “orders” skill is stupidly powerful… Jason pelts Frank with dice while holding up the Model for the Doom of Malantai.
Imperium – 4AJ) The Bikers roar into action and the Captain hastily cuts down a wounded Carnifex before him, they consolidate 3” closer to the Grandmaster, thinking if he can hold out just one more round, they can save him. But alas, despite killing another Tyranid Warrior, the Grandmaster is felled unable to keep making his 5+ invulnerable saves.
Imperium – 4AT) None available.
Tyranids – 4MD) Doug moves his Hive Guard toward the Sternguard, ready to take advantage of their powerful long range weapons. The last remaining Carnifex moves to kill the Biker Squad. The Zoanthropes press forward, now intent on punishing the Tactical Squad singing Kumbayah around the virus bomb objective.
Tyranids – 4MF) The Tyranofex, licks its wounds and sits still , well within range of anything on the board…. Unwilling to risk an encounter with Hellfire rounds, the Tyranid Warriors move back to secure the Tyranid “egg” objective.
Tyranid – 4SD) The Zoanthropes try multiple times to hit the Tactical Squad, but only manage 1 wound on it, and that is saved. Doug laments about the power of “peace,” and how hippie space marines, not willing to fire their bolters in anger, have no place in GrimDark!! Jason just shrugs and turns the marines so their backsides face the Zoanthropes. The Hive Guard fire, and a discussion about AP vs. Instant Death breaks out. Rules clarity is given and confused parties sulk about for a few minutes. Jason goes to get some more Big Red, but quickly returns and tells Tim to touch nothing until he returns. The Carnifex fires his twin-linked Devourers again, but the Bikers are just that awesome and take only 1 wound.
Tyranid – 4SF) Frank has nothing left but the Tyranid Warriors and the Tyranofex. The Tyranofex, in the biggest WTF were you thinking moment, doesn’t shoot down the Vendetta, and instead shoots at the still fleeing Storm Trooper SGT. Missing him. Doug questions why he didn’t shoot down the Vendetta, and Frank shakes his head and says “I wanted to get a kill point for wiping out the Storm Troopers.” Doug also shakes his head, and just laughs.
Tyranid – 4AD) Nothing in range
Tyranid – 4AF) Nothing in range
End Turn 4
Imperium: KP 6
Tyranids: KP 6
Turn 5
The Heroes of the Imperium stand strong still, the Only way to win now is for the lone Carnifex to kill the Biker Squad, and the Biker Squad to kill the Zoanthropes and the Carnifex. Jason and Tim feel as if they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, and Frank and Doug wonder how in the world did this happen, but they resolve to destroy the Bikers and their pesky Captain as well.
Imperium – 5MJ) Jason, never one to shirk away from a suicidal Charge decides that the Carnifex is gonna go down to the ground. He moves his remiaing bikers close enough to fire his Bolters rapidly and prepares to fire then assault. The Sternguard move within 12” of the Hive Guard and prepare to meet out some justice. The Tactical Marines dance and sing around their precious objective.
Imperium – 5MT) Time does his best to get his Vandetta out of range of the Tyranofex. His remiaing troopers cluster about tyring to simply avoid being killed.
Imperium - 5SJ) Jason brings his bikes to bear an fires, hoping the addition points he spent for his Captain to have Hellfire rounds was finally worth it... but nope, still nothing! Never have more 1's and 2's been rolled! The remaining bikers are also as pitiful.... The Sternguard manage to strike the Hive Guard and kill one with Hellfire rounds. The Tactical Marines hold a Pee'ing for distance contest. Sgt. Harry Knuts wins in the 3rd round with a distance of 3.7 meters. Jason leaves again to fill his lungs with inky black nicotine, not realizing that Tim is still "Made of Fail!!!" but Jason should know better and deserves what he gets...
Imperium - 5ST) Time goes ahead and Targets the Carnifex with SINGLE remaining wound, despite the fact that Jason made it clear that he was assaulting, and the likely hoof that an assault captain with a relic blade and a WS of 6 would likely be able to do AT LEAST a wound....Timothy fires regardless scoring 3 unsavable wounds, and the Carnifex goes bye bye. He has no other units in range.
Imperium - 5 Assault) Jason returns and asks where the Carnifex is. Tim announces proudly he killed it. Jason stares at the Zoanthropes 4 inces away and laments Tim tactical retardation. Tim agrees, and shoves more pizza in his pie-hole before any more foot can make it in that cavernous orafice!!
Tyranids - 5MD) Doug decides that only the Hive gurad will advance. The Zoanthropes don't need to move to blast the now idling Bikers a few inches away.
Tyranids - 5MF) Tyranofex tries to move up, but can't get in range of the Vandetta, and settles instead for the Bikers as a possible target. The Tyranid Warriors nap near the "Egg" objective.
Tyranids - 5SD) Warp balst goes wide... the Zoanthropes have not managed to kill anything thus far and Doug decides that they come in "Worst Place!" in the MVP roster. The Hive Guard fire as well, but to no avail, the Marines are finally making thier saves.
Tyranids - 5SF) Frank shoots the Bikers but his shots fail to connect with the Tyranofex. The Tyranid Warriors fire as well, but nothing connects.
Tyranid 5 Assault) They decide that nothing will assault, and deny any possible KP's to Tim and Jason. Tim and Jason lament thier cowardice, and accept thier possible TIE!
Rolls to End the Game?: 2 (Game ends in Round 2)
Tyranid KP: 6
imperium KP: 6
Jason and Tim claim morale victory!!! Doung and Frank claim ULTIMATE VICTORY!!
Jason and Tim claim ULTIMATE TOTAL VICTORY!!... and so on, and so on... and so on... you get it, you get it.
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Pictures would make an awesome report.
Tyranids attract more tang than an astronaut convention.