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21 scandals from long long ago hitting a galaxy far far away.


Shock revelations include:


Ballistics report show Greedo's gun never fired

and

Death Star construction oversight committee recognized vulnerable defense point in exhaust port, considered it "secure"

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Copied it for ya:

@StuartPownall: Stormtrooper armour to be investigated after recent firefight leaves no survivors.

@MaxReboYouKnow: Death Star construction oversight committee recognized vulnerable defense point in exhaust port, considered it "secure"

@deathspal Series of Droid mutilations baffle storm troopers. "Their arms are just ripped clean off" Said one trooper

@dclas: Leaked memos re: Bespin mining colony raid prove Calrissian did in fact have choice.

@InfinityLounge: No female officer present during interview of Princess Leia on Death Star. Amnesty International "concerned"

@mcjellyjamz: Admiral Ackbar was in fact briefed about the trap long before the fatal attack.

@monkeyflungpoo: Mos Eisley Space Port security officials admit to ethnic profiling, and enhanced patdowns of Sand People.

@deathspal: Ballistics report show Greedo's gun never fired

@miked0273: Jedi order covers up vigilante apprentice's murderous spree in Sand People village. Women and children slaughtered.

@shamusyoung: High-ranking member of Emperor Palpatine's staff has fathered an illegitimate son on Tatooine.

@InfinityLounge: Public support of Clone War wanes and considered a "damn fool idealistic crusade"

@archon: Diplomatic cables prove that Darth Vader never intended to honor terms of deal with Lando Calrissian.

@jamesseddon: Chewbacca privately told rebel leaders that Yoda was 'out of his depth'.

@vegasjosef: Report of destruction of Alderaan was to make way for a new hyperspace bypass is a government covert cover-up

@bryanQmiller: Leia knew
@shizoor: Admiral Tarkin denies Death Star plans were leaked to the Rebel Alliance, "I think you overestimate their chances."

@_backslash: No Bothans actually died to bring us this information.

@cragjagged: Galactic Empire leader The Emperor relies heavily on his long-time Twi'lek nurse, described as "voluptuous and blue"

@arconic: Biggs Darklighter was shot down by Friendly Fire

@paulclammer: Princess Leia arrested & denied bail; extradition to Death Star likely.

@cbarbour: General Veers exaggerated battle experience. Wore medals he had not earned. Apparently did not earn the medal of honor.

Love it.

Diplomatic cables prove that Darth Vader never intended to honor terms of deal with Lando Calrissian.

Pray that he does not alter it any further.

Recent IP tracking of "anonymous" online posts have been traced to a laptop owned by one Han Solo.
The worrisome aspect of this is that the postings were on web sites for those with an attraction to "furries."

Chewbacca and ewoks to be questioned.

Eric

MagickalMemories wrote:Recent IP tracking of "anonymous" online posts have been traced to a laptop owned by one Han Solo.
The worrisome aspect of this is that the postings were on web sites for those with an attraction to "furries."

Chewbacca and ewoks to be questioned.

Eric

AP Galactic News-

Ewoks Murdered- Feared Silenced

Echoes of "Wakka Wakka Wakka" resounded around Endor as Imperial Stormtroopers track the whereabouts of the infamous Wookie rebel known under the codename "Fozzy."

Several million Ewoks were found dead, rubber chickens stuffed down their throats and peeled bananas scattered everywhere.

"Baffling," was the comment from one trooper on duty. "These deaths aren't even that funny."

An on-duty investigator gave more insight.

"We assume "Fozzy" was called in to silence those who were known to affiliate with one Han Solo on, shall we say... an intimate basis."

"No survivors meant no tell all cover stories for the Intergalatic Inquirer."

Holo-representatives with the Empreror or the Wookies could not be reached at time of printing.

When questioned about this recent development, Chewbacca replied with, "Gwaaaaaah! Rwaaah! Naaaaaaaaaarh!"

I have no idea what it meant, but the fact that he was holding what was left of my cameraman's arm helped me decide that I really didn't care that much, either.

Eric