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Magnus Carbohal is a direct decendant of Lord Macragge Marneus Calgar. From the time of his birth he was supervised and trained by Marneus himself. His rise through the ranks from initiate to capt. of the first company was watched by Lord Macragge with great interest and over whelming pride. To prove his worth, Magnus volenteered for the most dangerous missions, including boarding actions of Tyranid infested space hulks as a scout to direct frontal assaults of ork strongholds as a space marine of the 4th company. He served under Chaplain Cassius in the tyranid veterans squad for over five decades before taking on the role as a terminator in the 1st company. Subsuquentally his master crafted heavy flamer named "Devine Purification" was built by Cassius himself. After serving nearly 30 years as a terminator, he was givin the prestigious opportunity to lead the 1st company as thier captain. Upon giving this honor, Marneus Calgar ordered the tech-priests of Mars to craft a lightning claw the likes of which have never been seen before. Using the rarest of materials and technology that had been forgotten for thousands of years, the Magos of the Adeptus Mechanicus laboured for 7 years creating this most devistating of weapons. Fabricator-General Titanicus Gearhart of the cult mechanicus presented "Omnissiah's Vengeance" to Marneus Calgar, who then bestowed this great and terrible weapon of destruction to Capt. Magnus Carbohal. As the natural succesor to Marneus Calgar as Chapter Master, the unwaivering pride that is instilled into Magnus is also felt by those who serve under him. His men, though mortally wounded, continue to fight with ferocous aggression. So deep rooted is his passion for victory that has been known to enter a trance like state when his battle brothers fall on the fields of battle. When in this state of rage, it has been said that he becomes death incarnate, a blur of lightning claw and spewing forth streams of white hot promethium, moving at a pace that is unatural even for an astartes. He runs from foe to doomed foe, slicing and burning everything in his path. His unquenchable thirst for victory and his rage for vengeance worries Marneus and the other Captains, for they know that the future of the Ultramarines rests in his hands as the named future Chapter Master. If he should fall, so shall the hope and strengh of the Ultramarines.

Capt. Magnus Antonius Carbohal 200 pts.
Captain of the first company

WS BS S T I Ld A W Sv
6.....5...4..4..5.10..3...3...2+

Terminator armor

Iron Halo
confers a 4+ invulnerable save

Mechanicus crafted lighting claw "Omnissiah's Vengeance"
Any roll of 6 to hit in CC allows the wielder to make an additional attack. If any additional attacks also yield the result
of a 6 then continue rolling additional attacks until you roll no further 6's. Roll to wound as normal with all attacks that
score a hit. ( i got this from a Chaos SM fandex. LOL )

Master crafted heavy flamer "Devine Purification"
Str 5 AP 4 Assault 1
twin-linked

And they shall know no fear

Combat tactics

Independant character

Preferred enemy

Prince of Macragge
Any squad that Magnus joins is fearless.

Fury of the Fallen
If at least half of Magnus' squad is killed, Capt. Carbohal and his remaining squad have the Fleet and furious charge USR

Pride of Calgar
If Capt. Carbohal is within 12" of Marneus Calgar, he and his squad receive +1 attack in the assault phase.

Honour of Carbohal
If Capt. Magnus Carbohal should fall in battle, the model is layed down where he was killed and his body becomes an extra objective for either side to claim.

I was thinking of using this model as a bases for Capt. Magnus Antonius Carbohal : http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/New_Stuff/LUGFT-HURON-CHAPTER-MASTER-OF-THE-ASTRAL-CLAWS.html

C + C is welcome, any ideas on different special rules are encouraged, but please keep the comments to a constructive nature, Thanks.

Well, first of all, Space Marines can't have kids. Their testicles are about as potent as two exceptionally dry raisens.

Second, the Ultramarines have a noted 1st company captain. I forget his name, but they have one.

Third, really? A Mary Sue to out Sue the Mariest of all Sues? Try a little harder please.

As for the rules...

Why is his Iron Halo suddenly better than every other Iron Halo? 4++ is plenty fine.

Likewise, his heavy flamer. S6 AP4 WITH the ability to reroll rounds? Seriously, just stick with a normal TL Heavy Flamer.

Fury of the Fallen is arbitrarily convoluted and does little more than make him a less effective but slightly more durable death company. If that's what you're looking for, play blood angels. Ditto for Pride of Macragge.

Pride of Calgar doesn't look too bad, but just begs the question, why not just take the infinitly more useful Pedro instead?

Sorrow of Ultramar is just plain bad. It's not Aun 'Va bad, but it's pretty bad.

The problem with him is that you've got no real idea for how you want him to add to an army. He's a cool close combat fighter who gives some cool buffs, but short of that, he reallly adds nothing that other characters either do better, or just don't really matter. He's a close combat monster who's not a particularly good close combat monster who's there just for the sake of being a close combat monster. Lysander would bend him over like the little bitch he is and feth him until he screamed like a little girl. He has no utility that can actually be utilized without a huge cost to the rest of your army (the FNP would require a large investment to get any worthwhile use out of, and to get his +1A bonus you have to spend an absurd amount of points on two largely mediocre characters).

I suggest you start from scratch, and think of an overriding theme for your character, both in terms of story and gameplay. Not someone who's just awesome for the sake of awesome.

The entire army loses one initiative if he dies? Huh?

-1I if he dies? no.
S6 AP4 HF that re-rolls to wound? just have a HF.
attacking the nearest unit? just give him rage.
why is his iron halo better than even calgar's? give him a 4++.
ultra's already have a captain of the 1st, severus agemann. Make him be the 1st captain before Invictus. (the 4th ed. captain). Calgar was still around then (I think).
don't make his LC re-roll to hit. Only pairs of LC's can do that.
why does his squad get FNP because he's there? just make his squad have furious charge or fearless.
other than that, perfect!
175 points.

1. Possibly giving TH/SS Termies FNP is way OP (wow, so many abbreviations in that one sentence). Just give him FNP instead of the unit.

2. Iron Halos should stay with a 4++

3. Fury of the Fallen is just odd, he gains Rage if half his unit dies Like Fafnir said, he sounds more on par with a BA Death Company character.

4. Remove Sorrow of Ultramar. Ultramarines wouldn't get all mopey if Mary Sue Calgar died. Change it so they can re-roll Morale checks or something like that.

Thanks alot guys for the commentsalmost all of them were constructive...almost. haha
I agree with the iron halo being a 4+ save, Now a question, It seems like the majority of you all want me to just use a regular heavy flamer and not a master crafted one. The fluff really seems to go with a master crafted one, what kind of stats should a MC heavy flamer have over the regular one, If i'm not mistaken, MC swords have a higher stat line than normal swords right?

I'll probably lose the Sorrow of Ultramar rule, it doesn't seem to be very popular, also what kind of specail abilities would go along with a MC lightning claw?

I'll probably change the Prince of Macragge rule to be fearless instead of FNP.

I would like to hear some more suggestions on the Fury of the Fallen rule, Thanks for all the input and keep it coming.

For the flamer it would be simplest to say it counts as twin linked as Master crafting cannot help a flamer (as it has no to hit roll to re-roll, which is all Master crafting does).

You could have Fury of the Fallen give him the Rage USR if Marneus dies before him.

Jack

twin-linked HF.
when 50% of the squad dies, they get rage and furious charge.

Alright, I've taken some of the suggestions you all have given me and edited my original post, check it out and tell me what you think.

Please, reread what master crafted weapons are. They allow the user to reroll one failed to hit roll per turn with that weapon. Template weapons do not need to roll to hit, so having them master crafted is completely useless.

And that goes for the lightning claw also. Its one failed to hit - not all of them. If you really want to let him reroll all failed attacks, you need something other then master crafted to do it.

"Fury of the Fallen
If at least half of Magnus' squad is killed, Capt. Carbohal and his remaining squad have the RAGE and furious charge USRs"
That.
either have a S6 heavy flamer or a S5 twin-linked heavy flamer.
master-crafted LC, not re-roll to hit and wound. LC's re-roll to wound anyway, and master-crafted lets you re-roll 1 failed roll.

UPDATE: I added some background fluff for the Mechanicus-crafted lighting claw, and a very interesting rule to go along with it. I think you guys will like this one. Also changed the STR rating for the heavy flamer from a 6 to a 5, because it's twin-linked. Keep those suggestions coming, Thanks.