Pyromaniac Hellhound Pilot
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I would like to thank any reader who is taking the time to read this thread, as I am trying my best to make a good IA and any cc is greatly appreciated. This is the 3rd update of my IA and it has 3 sections instead of one! As I wrote the IA I had more questions then I had answers, but hopefully someone will be able to answer the few questions I have and make suggestions that will make the IA better.
How would you order the sections?
What do you think the origin section is lacking?
Is the description of the planets enough?
What parts needs trimming?
What parts needs more details?
Do you understand the belief section?
What can I name the Mighty Spirit?
“There will be no words spoken, no greetings, no acknowledgement, no mission briefing the Undaunted Predators come for battle, they come to hunt.”
Commander of 243 Cadian Regiment, Colonel Hiosew
Origins
An increase in military activity around the Eye of Terror was a cause of concern for the Imperium. Several Military Commanders and Tech Adepts studying the patterns of attacks believed that the Imperium should prepare itself for another Black Crusade. Around the same time, Astropaths started to have a harder time sending and receiving messages, and other psykers were having visions of plagues, cities engulfed in flames, and Commanders turning upon each other. Already under great duress from Ork Waaghs and Eldar Raids it was clear that the Departmento Munitorum was not going to be able to provide reinforcements to everyone that needed it. Faced with such adversity from all directions the High Lords of Terra approved of the 9th Founding.
The Adeptus Mechanicus used Rogal Dorn’s geneseed, selected from the stock of the Iron Knight’s to create the new Chapter. The Iron Knights training cadre consisted of the usual marines such as librarians, techmarines, and chaplains but the majority of the marines were Vanguard Veterans. It is unknown if this was done on purpose or not, but the Chapter’s demented preference for close combat started in its infancy stages. Their preference for close quarters combat would eventually lead to the chapter diverging significantly from the Codex Astartes.
Unlike most Space Marine Chapters who get to select their Home World, the Imperium stationed the new Chapter on a Feral world in the Oan Drove system. The Chapter was created to patrol the Segmentum Pacificus, while being within range to provide reinforcements to the Eye of Terror if needed. With just enough resources from the self-efficient Oan Drove System and excellent tutelage from the Iron Knight’s training cadre the Undaunted Predators were able to get in full fighting conditions in a short amount of time, and started to have successful campaigns against small Ork Waaghs in the Segmentum.
Oan Drove System
The smallest planet in the Oan Drove system is Mena, a mining world that is the closest planet to the sun. The planet is a huge desert split into regions by mountains, the planet has large lakes scattered across the globe. The inhabitants carve their homes into the mountains using them as a natural shield against the sun as the average temperature on the planet is well over 100 degrees. The working conditions for the miners are unsafe as there are frequent cave-ins, tiny poisonous Mena scorpions, and tremors. Although the working conditions are horrible the small planet manages to mine a surplus of precious metals for the Imperium. Their working conditions may be bad, but the living condition for the planet is above average compared to Imperium standards because of trade routes with the other planets in the system.
The next planet according to distance away from the sun is Batile. Despite its small size, Batile is classified as a Hive World, and pays tithes to the Imperium in the form of military equipment and regiments. The Batilians are very militaristic and use the small spaces in between Hive Clusters for military training. The Batilians start drafting at a very young age, giving their troops two to three years of more experience compared to other world’s regiments. The Batilian Regiments are well known around the Eye of Terror for their courageous sacrifices and deeds.
The following planet away from the sun after Batile is the Undaunted Predators Home World, Madera. The planet is a huge jungle with various creatures of all different shapes and sizes. The planet’s wildlife is dazzling as every shade of the rainbow can be seen in the scales of reptiles, wings of insects, and the fur of animals. Some of the plants seem to interact with their surroundings changing shape, size, and color similar to underwater anemones.
Despite its looks, Madera is a death world full of natural predators that hunt the small tribes of people on the planet. The inhabitants live in a pre-gunpowder age relying on spears, bow and arrows, axes, and swords to hunt for food. Scouts and traps are setup everywhere around villages for protection. When under an attack from one of the various predators on the planet, the villagers use their underground tunnels to escape.
The different tribes rarely wage war against each other, as they rely on one another for protection. Most of the underground tunnels lead to other villages, where the neighbor’s scout can send assistance to quickly get the women and children inside of their village. After every major attack the tribe will have to start over by moving to another place and building a new village, the average village has to move four to eight times a year.
The following planet is Crecer, it is an agri-world with most of its inhabitants working in the agriculture industry. The planet is similar in shape in size to Terra but the majority of the continents are plains, which have been irrigated for farming. Similar to Mena they have established trade routes with the other planets and manage to provide enough food for all of the planets in the Oan Drove system.
The last and largest planet in the Oan Drove system is Bizen. Bizen is an Imperial world that is nearly as big as Mena and Batile combine in terms of physical size. It is very similar to Terra except for its much colder temperatures; the planet is one of the most productive planets in the Segementum Pacificus, producing Imperial Ships not only for the Imperial Navy but for Space Marine Chapters near the Eye of Terror.
Beliefs
The tribesman believe in a Mighty Spirit that gives everything strength. They believe that the Mighty Spirit gives everyone a certain amount of strength at birth and the only way to gain strength is by hunting. With each animal they kill the Mighty Spirit blesses them with food, clothing, utensils, and inner strength, because of this belief the best hunters are the leaders of the tribes. When the new Chapter arrived and started to build their Fortress Monastery, the people saw them kill the most deadly animals on the planet as they cleared out space for their structures. They quickly acknowledged the marines as divine beings blessed beyond comprehension for their hunting skills. The tribes gladly traded their young men for the meat of fallen goliath animals believing that the exchanges made them closer to the Mighty Spirit.
The new recruits believe that the Emperor is the Mighty Spirit that gives everything strength, and that the Primarchs were the best hunters the galaxy has ever known. They hunted and kill so many enemies for the Emperor that they themselves became capable of blessing their tribesman with a unique form of strength. They believe that each Chapter is a tribe that carries on the Strength of their Primarch, and the only way to continue to be blessed and gain strength is to hunt and kill the foes of the Emperor. The first Chapter Master named the chapter the Undaunted Predators, as they believe that it is their divine duty to hunt and kill the enemies of the Emperor.
Thanks for reading!
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Haven't picked name 4000pts
" -KingCracker
