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Ok, not to sound mean or anything but, please work on your fluff. most of it is honest chesse, but space marine batalions?! thats just fething up fluff to kingdom come.

LOL whut?

Wait, your chapter has 500,000 space marines? Is this like the chapter thats gonna roflstomp the entire Tyranid race?

Formae wrote:Wait, your chapter has 500,000 space marines? Is this like the chapter thats gonna roflstomp the entire Tyranid race?

WAIT 500,000?
I thought my chapter was huge! which is only 5,000....... Mate you need to tone down your numbers....
The largest legion was 250,000 Ultramarines.

Don't chapters only consist of 1000 marines? At least after the horus heresy?

This fluff is irredeemable. Stop, turn 180 degrees, walk away from this idea.

The idea of a chapter based of the Spartans of Greece, is good. However, the execution is not. First off, Grey Knights are the most elite of the elite in the Imperium of Man (atleast tied with Deathwatch) I don't see how 500,000 grey knights would break off an become a new chapter. I don't even see how there could be 500,000 space marines in one chapter at all. Not trying to be mean, but you should go back to the drawing board on this one.

ph34r wrote:This fluff is irredeemable. Stop, turn 180 degrees, walk away from this idea.

Don't you mean turn 540 degrees and throw yourself off a cliff?
This lore should be only like 300 grey knights. not 500,000......

Some chapters break the limit of 1,000. If they are crusader chapters like the Storm crusaders, or Black Templars. Grey knights have 3,000, but they are spread throughout the entire galaxy.
This lore is just ridiculous

and you cant have a founding chapter from a founding chapter

Okay, yah got me there. But there are only 1 million space marines, I could never see one chapter suddenly adding another 500,000 to the mix. Especially of the Grey Knight variety.

Formae wrote:Okay, yah got me there. But there are only 1 million space marines, I could never see one chapter suddenly adding another 500,000 to the mix. Especially of the Grey Knight variety.

No thats wrong. There can always be more than 1 million lol. there can only ever be 1000 chapters. (But there are still more, minus all the under strength chapters.)

Asherian Command wrote:

Formae wrote:Okay, yah got me there. But there are only 1 million space marines, I could never see one chapter suddenly adding another 500,000 to the mix. Especially of the Grey Knight variety.

No thats wrong. There can always be more than 1 million lol. there can only ever be 1000 chapters. (But there are still more, minus all the under strength chapters.)

Then what the hell was I reading? Anyways, I believe we both agree that 500,000 space marines in one chapter is of the impossible variety.

Formae wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

Formae wrote:Okay, yah got me there. But there are only 1 million space marines, I could never see one chapter suddenly adding another 500,000 to the mix. Especially of the Grey Knight variety.

No thats wrong. There can always be more than 1 million lol. there can only ever be 1000 chapters. (But there are still more, minus all the under strength chapters.)

Then what the hell was I reading? Anyways, I believe we both agree that 500,000 space marines in one chapter is of the impossible variety.

You should read Lexcainum. At least you got the basic ideas down. But yes I agree 500,000 space marines is ridiculous.

Formae wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

Formae wrote:Okay, yah got me there. But there are only 1 million space marines, I could never see one chapter suddenly adding another 500,000 to the mix. Especially of the Grey Knight variety.

No thats wrong. There can always be more than 1 million lol. there can only ever be 1000 chapters. (But there are still more, minus all the under strength chapters.)

Then what the hell was I reading? Anyways, I believe we both agree that 500,000 space marines in one chapter is of the impossible variety.

There are less than 1000 chapters in existence, according to fluff. Some rare chapters go over 1000 members. Many are under strength.

Black templars is the best example of an over-size chapter, with potentially around 6000 members.

The grey knights were thought to have ~3000 members, until Matt Ward happened and he "hurr durr 1000 marines"-d them into a retcon.


EDIT: And though this fluff is pretty terrible let's try not to be too hard on the OP, he is probably 13 or something. Honestly OP, you sound like you have never read any piece of 40k background. Go read the rulebook. Go read a codex. Go read any fiction novel to give yourself some perspective on how to write a good story. Maybe look up the definition of "Mary-Sue" while you are at it.

Not trying to sound mean, this is honestly what I think.


The whole idea is trash, scrap it.

Honestly, once you bring big names like Abaddon and Creed into the mix, fluff gets all kinds of fethed up. Not to mention, unless I missed something, Inquisitors do not train Space Marines. Also, theres a number of plotholes and the story is very two-dimensional and screams "awesome/unbeatable/Mary Sue"-ness.

This is a very poor attempt to blend Spartans and 40k. If you really want to bring the Spartans into the mix, make it a group of 300 elite Space Marines; maybe the last surviving members of a successor chapter of the Ultramarines.


P.S. There are no models or even hints that there will be models. Why is this in the P&M section?

Darth Bob wrote:Not trying to sound mean, this is honestly what I think.


The whole idea is trash, scrap it.

Honestly, once you bring big names like Abaddon and Creed into the mix, fluff gets all kinds of fethed up. Not to mention, unless I missed something, Inquisitors do not train Space Marines. Also, theres a number of plotholes and the story is very two-dimensional and screams "awesome/unbeatable/Mary Sue"-ness.

This is a very poor attempt to blend Spartans and 40k. If you really want to bring the Spartans into the mix, make it a group of 300 elite Space Marines; maybe the last surviving members of a successor chapter of the Ultramarines.


P.S. There are no models or even hints that there will be models. Why is this in the P&M section?

Agreed with this.

I...

But...

Just...

No.

Rogue Wolves, people are very protective of the 40k fluff. The fact that is based on fiction makes them even less forgiving of errors.

If you're new to the game and the story, you can find a lot of resources online that will fill in the blanks.

Have fun!

Poor guy, reminds me about how back when I was just starting I said that my Space Wolves were a special detachment that lived on a made-up moon orbiting Fenris which fought on Terra after a buncha Chaos Legions did a sneak attack on the planet.

I kinda just gave up on fluff after I realized how slowed that was.

Some pretty harsh reviews, Jesus.

It's clear from your backround that you are unfamiliar how the Space Marine Chapters operate, and the Inquisitors role in the Imperium. Revise it, and take it from there.

I hope I'm getting trolled.

That reminds me of a movie about a bunch of muscly half naked guys killing gak?

Moving thread to Dakka Fiction.

Yea i am new to fluff and the nonsence that 40k fluff is dosent intrest me its all about the models i tried to work grey knights in not because of story but because of the look of the models

If you don't care about the fluff then why bother writing any?

MADNESS!?! THIS IS... quite frankly non-viable and unrealistic in regards to the 40k setting.

Darth Bob wrote:If you don't care about the fluff then why bother writing any?

Methinks that's his way of saying he's not taking the criticism very well.

Deleting your entire post and leaving the thread pointless is a bit sour...

Rogue Wolves wrote:Yea i am new to fluff and the nonsence that 40k fluff is dosent intrest me its all about the models i tried to work grey knights in not because of story but because of the look of the models

If you don't like the story don't try to make a story.

And I can guarantee you that your fluff is about 1000 times more nonsense than 40k's fluff. 100% guarantee.

He's taking his fluff home, and not letting anyone play with it.
And no, it's not a euphemism.