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I've decided to bring some humour to the world of 40K.
I've only got one set of rules written up so far but i've got plans for some more.
Feel free to post some of you're humorous ideas.

Old man Gibson...............................................................................................................points: 190
Old man Gibson is the longest serving imperial guard general in the entire imprium and by far the scariest, with commissars, tyranids, orks, and even the chaos gods cowering in fear when he arrives on the battle field; even worst is the wrath of his infamous walking stick of infinite pain. On the battle field he drives friend and foe insane with his endless complaining, even when he has one of his random sleeping snaps in the middle of a raging battle no one is safe from him because his endless snoring echoes around the battle field and it has been recorded to stop an apocalypse battle as everyone fell to their knees, begging for mercy from his infernal presents.
HQ
WS:5 BS:5 S:3 T:4 W:4 I:4 A:10 LD:10 SV:4+/5+
Type: bike, independent (unique)
Wargear:
-Caprace armour
-Refractor field
-Scooter
-Old faithful
-Walking stick
-Frag and krak grenades
Special rules: counter attack, furious charge, acute senses, tank hunter, fearless, old man’s wisdom, no respect, back in my zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Scooter: old man Gibson rides upon his custom combat old man scooter. It is treated as a bike (already added) that is fitted with a twin linked heavy stubber.
Old faithful: old faithful is a laspistol that old man Gibson had as he’s days as a low ranking sergeant, it has been customised endlessly over the year till it could produce a shot that could down a tank.
Range: 12 S:8 AP:1 type: pistol
Walking stick: old man Gibson’s walking stick is the most feared weapon in the universe, each strike is the equivalent of getting stepped on by an emperor class titan. It is a power, poison (2+), and rending weapon, in addition for every unsaved wound the attacked unit must test for pinning (this ignores the fearless rule).
Old man’s wisdom: old man Gibson can use 6 orders a turn, he has access to bring it down!, fire on my target!, get back in the fight!, first rank FIRE second rank FIRE!, incoming!, move! Move! Move!, he also has the following order: let me tell you a story: if passed roll a D3 and use the following.
1. The ambush of Curox 5: inspired by the tale the unit immediately move to the nearest cover, they do not fire that turn but next turn their weapons count as rending, and pinning.
2. The battle of Hogoun hill: inspired by the tale the unit gain the furious charge rule and immediately try to assault the nearest enemy unit, next turn if locked in combat then they attack first.
3. The great shootout of Plaxis 2: inspired by the tale the unit immediately fire at the nearest enemy, for every 6 rolled the unit can fire again (at the same unit or another unit) and can continue to fire till no more 6s are rolled.
No respect: if an enemy unit attacks old man Gibson then they better prepare for his oncoming anger. Any enemy unit that attacks old man Gibson immediately suffer a moral and pinning test (this ignores the fearless rule).
Back in my zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz: occasionally old man Gibson will fall asleep in the middle of battle but this is when he is at his worse because endless snoring echo’s through the battle field. At the beginning of each turn roll a D6, on the roll of 6 old man Gibson falls asleep and starts snoring, he cannot do anything that turn but snore, all units (friend and foe) on the table suffer a pinning test with a modifier of -1 (this ignores the fearless and stubborn rule), vehicles suffer a crew-stunned, apocalypse vehicles suffer a gun crew shaken (all weapons) and a driver stunned.

So what do you think?

1) Not that funny

2) Not anywhere close to playable

KOMMISSAR GENERAL STEVE.........................................450 POINTS

WS BS S T W I A Ld Sv
Kommissar 9 8 10 10 4 6 7 10 2+
General Steve

UNIT TYPE
-Infantry (Unique, Independent Character)

WARGEAR
-Motivatus
(Counts as both a Power Weapon and a Force Weapon)
-Storm-bolter
-Fists
(Count as two power fists with Initiative 10)
-Greatcoat

SPECIAL RULES
-Stubborn
-Summary Execution
-He's Behind You!
-Wave of Motivation
-Maximum Violence
-Rage
-Fleet of Foot
-Feel No Pain
-Fearless
-Eternal Warrior
-Counter-Attack
-Move Through Cover
-Tank Hunter
-Night Vision
-Preferred Enemy
-Relentless
-Retinue
-3+ Invulnerable Save

He's Behind You!
Kommissar General Steve always begins the game 1" away from an enemy model.

Wave of Motivation
Any friendly models that fail any Leadership tests within line of sight of Kommissar General Steve may re-roll their tests. Also, any friendly models within line of sight of Kommissar General Steve count as having the Feel No Pain Special Rule as well as Fearless.

Maximum Violence
Kommissar General Steve may move and assault twice in a turn, in addition, he ignores Invulnerable Saves in close-combat. All attacks made by Kommissar General Steve against vehicles automatically penetrate, regardless of armor value. Kommissar General Steve automatically succeeds on all Death or Glory! attacks.

Retinue
Kommissar General Steve is always accompanied by Kapitän Desetch, Stansfield (Soldat with WS 1 and BS 1, but with a 2+ Invulnerable Save), Kommissar Crunchy (Ogryn Bone 'Ead with Stubborn and Summary Execution and a 3+ Invulnerable Save), and Alpharius (Primaris Psyker with Force Weapon and bolt pistol).

Hate to be a nay sayer, but if you brought this to the table with these rules, I'd say absolutely not to the old man.

Shrike325 wrote:1) Not that funny

2) Not anywhere close to playable

Who pissed in your Cheerios?

Anyway, I like the idea, but 190 points it pretty low for something quite as powerful as that. The 'ignore fearless' stuff isn't really going to work either so I'd recommend removing it.

I actually really like the Rascal scooter and the Storytelling orders, they made me chuckle

DoW

Yeah, the Scooter and Storytelling are pretty awesome custom rules, actually.

As is Comissar Steve's 'He's right behind you!' rule.

Anyway, I like the idea, but 190 points it pretty low for something quite as powerful as that. The 'ignore fearless' stuff isn't really going to work either so I'd recommend removing it.

How many points do you reckon it should be?

Kommissar steve is pretty good but i dont understand the retinue stats.

Here is some more ideas that i've got in mind.
Fred lovechild: a tank comamder that trys to be peaceful to the enamy but blows them to peices by accident.
Sergeant slaughter: a low ranking penal sergeant thats ten times worse than a commissar.
Dr lukas mulkar: crazy docter that turns his "patiants" to hidius creatures.
Tell me what you think and i'll write up some rules.

Do people not realize that this is a complete joke, and not to be taken seriously?

Anyway, a rending, poisoned 2+, power weapon walking stick is hilarious.

Do people not realize that this is a complete joke, and not to be taken seriously?

Who says it cant be taken seriosly?. Imagine the look of a chaos player when his greater demon is taken down by a old man on a putt putt scooter.

I can't tell if your serious.

Irony.

Heres anouther set of rules i typed up a while ago.

Imperial guard HQ. Lord Lukas Muleker..............points110
Lukas muleker was born on the long forgotten planet of heinterin which was abandoned by the imprium after a warp storm was found in the system. Lukas had an unusual life as all of the people on the planet had been driven mad, which he found to have been a great privilege to practice favourite pastime, surgery. When the imprium found the planet again, Lukas offered his services to them, claiming to be a great surgeon, what he didn’t tell them was that he had a tendency of turning his patients in to hideous beasts. It wasn’t long till the imprium discovered what Lukas was doing but to his surprise the imprium didn’t execute him, but instead they used him to enhance there already formidable armies by creating mutated mosters.
WS BS S T W I A LD SV
Lukas 4 4 3 3 3 3 3 8 5+/5+
Brute 5 - 8 6 4 1 d6 6 5+
Night stalker 7 - 3 3 3 10 10 10 4+/3+
Brainiac 2 5 2 2 2 4 3 5 -/2+
Crawler 3 - 2 3 1 4 2 6 -/-
Zombie 2 - 2 2 1 1 2 10 x/-
The fly 5 3 7 9 5 5 5 9 4+/4+
Swarm of fly’s 1 - 1 1 3 1 8 1 -/-

Unit comp: 1 lord Lukas muleker (note that the beasts are added after you roll for another patient)

Unit type: (Lukas) infantry (unique), (brute) monstrous creature, (night stalker) infantry, (Braniac) infantry (psyker), (crawler) beast, (zombie) infantry, (the fly) monstrous creature.

War gear: Lukas- flak armour, refractor field, medi-pack, bolt pistol, num blade, frag grenades
Brute- two big fists (power fists), thick hide (flake armour)
Night stalker- two power swords, caprace armour
Braniac-cc weapon, laspistol
Crawler- two poisonous weapons (2+)
Zombie- two cc weapon, x= the previous models armour
The fly- cc weapon, vomit, fly’s (4+ inv save), exoskeleton (4+ save), wings (jump pack)
Swarm of flies- cc weapon, wings

Special rules: Lukas- another patient, independent, stubborn
Brute-fearless, feel no pain, independent, eternal warrior, furious charge, rage, bulky
Night stalker-stealth skin, independent, fleet, counter attack, hit and run
Braniac- vulnerable to blast/templates, acute senses, levitation, psyche field
Crawler- vulnerable to blast/template, independent, gas bomb
Zombie-infectious, independent, slow but purposeful, rage, fell no pain
The fly- counter attack, eternal warrior, fearless, feel no pain, fleet, furious charge, hit & run, acute senses, relentless, egg carrier, and independent
Swarm of flies- swarm, independent

Num blade: the num blade is a blade coated in deadly toxins and such. The num blade is a power and poisoned weapon that wounds on 2+.
Another patient: Lukas will happily inject a transformation agent to any lacking individual. Any model within 5’’ may subject himself to some changes, roll a d6, on the roll 1 he becomes a brute, on 2 he becomes a night stalker, on 3 he becomes a Braniac, on 4 a crawler, on 5 a zombie, and on 6 the fly. Note that he will remain this way for the rest of the game.
Stealth skin: the night stalkers skin has a chameleon effect that bends light around him. He gains the stealth rule and a 3+ inv save.
Levitation: the brainiac psyker gifts are so great that he floats above the ground with ease. The Braniac counts as having a jump and jet pack, he can also reroll failed terrain test.
Psyche field: a protective aura surrounds the psker, protecting him from all harm. The psker gains a 2+ inv save
Pysker powers: mind crush, it is a shooting attack that only effects non vehicle models.
Range: 24 strength: 10 AP: 2 type: heavy1
Vehicle control: select a vehicle within 24”, on the roll of 4+ it is under your control till the next player turn. Note that vehicles under your control can still be targeted by your warriors in the shooting and assault phase.
Gas bomb: when the crawler dies he will usually explode and release toxic fumes, when the crawler dies place a blast template centred on the crawler, all units in this area wound on 2+ (saves still apply)
Infectious: enemies have to be careful to not be bitten by the zombie or they might become one too, any model killed by the zombie becomes a zombie on the roll of 6+.
Egg carrier: the fly has millions of flies swarming in and around it, when the fly dies place 2D6 swarms of flies no more than 2 away from the fly.
Range strength AP type
Vomit template 5 1 heavy 1, pinning

So what do you think?

This was probably the most humorous rule set I've seen, just since it is based on an actual named 40k character: Inquisitor Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fluff Space Marine - 100 points (Can take up any force org slot)

WS BS S T W I A Ld Sv
7 7 6 6 4 6 7 10 2+, 3++

Wargear:
Fluff Bolter
Fluff Power Armour
Frag and Krak Grenades
Fluff Chainsword

Special Rules:
And They Shall Know No Inconvience
Eternal Warrior
Perferred Enemy
Scouts
Acute Senses
Tank Hunters
Last Stand

Fluff Bolter- 36'' S6 AP4 Assault 4 or 48" S8 AP 2 Heavy 1
Fluff Power Armour- Grants 2+ Armour Save and 3++ Inv, also Feel No Pain
And They Shall Know No Incovience- See And They Shall Know No Fear, allows 4D6 for difficult terrain and re-roll on Dangerous Terrain Test.
Last Stand- If the Fluff Space Marine loses his last wound and their are no other Fluff Space Marines within 24", the Marine pulls out a melta/krak/frag grenade and pulls the pin, place a large blast marker with the following profile: S9 AP2, do not roll scatter, vehicles count as being under center hole if touched by template.
Fluff Chainsword- Counts as rending and allows two re-rolls for either To Hit or To Wound, rolls double pen for vehicles.
-------------------------------------------

My idea if Space Marines were the same on tabletop as in fluff. Not unreasonable but believeable

Grot Masta Snotbag

WS-1
BS-4
S-1
T-1
I-1
Ld-2
W-4

Special Rules: Fearless, Internal Warrior, Acute Senses, Waaagh, Furious Charge.

Masta of the Grots: If Snotbag is joined by another unit of gretchin, they are given the Fearless, and Acute Senses special rules-(Such a gift to be in the presence of such a worthy git.

The Masta of Carpet: If Snotbag's has joined a unit, and the rest of the unit is killed and he is the only one left, hey may then cover him self in the bodies of the his fellow gretchin to confer a 3+ cover save

Wargear: Armour of the Carpet (Snotbag is covered by so much of his dead comrades, he confers a 3+ save, and 5+ Inv save) Twin linked grotblastas (These are two grotblasta's that give this profile

Range-24" S-4, AP-3, Twin-linked

The Killer Rabbit from The Holy Grail 500Pts
Beast
WS10 BS0 S10 T10 I10 A10 LD10 Sv 2+/2++

Tiny - Enemies wishing to shoot at this tiny and elusive creature shoot with a BS1 (no matter what)
Pointy Teeth - All Close Combat attacks ingore ALL saves, 2D6 AP1, and any unsaved wound removes that model from play
Hop - 12" movement
Fear Aura - Will cause all to soil thier armour, Any enemy squad within 12" of the Bunny must make a Moral Check at -3LD at the end of the Rabbits assualt phase
Warp Shadow - The Bunnies might is such that it blankets even the warp, All Psykers within 12" of the bunny may not use ANY psykic powers to include force weapons.

Stealth, Fleet, FNP, Fearless, Preferred Enemy, Scout, Move Through Cover, Eternal Warrior


"Look at the Bones!!!!!"

You do realize that somewhere in the 40K rules, there is an actual Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, right? And I'm completely serious about this. I saw it myself. I think it was in the 2nd edition rulebook.

Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch: Count as Vortex Grenade.

Looks like everyone is having a good old laugh, keep it up.

Straight out of the Ork codex, statted up and given extra funny.

Grog Irontoof

155 pts.

WS: 5 BS: 4 S: 5 T: 5 W: 3 I: 4: A: 4 Ld: 10

Special Rules: Relentless, Independent Character, Mob Rule, Fearless Charge, Waaagh Of Dakka, Shiny Loot, Preferred Enemy(Tau)*

Wargear: Mega Armour, Power Klaw, Da Snatchgunz, Multi Tracka, Big Shoota

Waaagh Of Dakka: Grog Irontoof replaces his normal Waaagh with the following; on the turn a Waaagh is called and until the end of the next Player Turn, all Orks fire at +2 BS(up to a max of 5)

Shiny Loot: All Looted Wagons in the army count as Skimmers. Even if, looking at them, it makes no sense whatsoever.

Da Snatchgunz: Grog Irontoof once got into a drunken fistfight with a Broadside Battlesuit. He managed to win when the Broadside actually scored a hit on him, making him angry enough to headbutt the guns off his opponent. Deciding they were nice loot, Irontoof later had his Mekboyz strap the guns to his Mega Armour's wrist. These may be fired with the following profile.

Strength 10, AP1, 72" range, Twin Linked

Multi Tracka: Inspired by the vague ramblings of a Mekboy, Grog Irontoof beat that Mekboy with a decapitated Tau Soldier until the Mek built what he was talking about. The result allows Grof Irontoof(not the rest of his squad) to fire at two separate units per shooting phase.

Anvildude wrote:You do realize that somewhere in the 40K rules, there is an actual Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, right? And I'm completely serious about this. I saw it myself. I think it was in the 2nd edition rulebook.

The current Black Templars Codex has Holy Orbs of Antioch as purchasable wargear for HQs and Techmarines.

Smokey Potyx: Dark Eldar dealer

Smokey Potyx is the heaviest user of drugs in the galaxy (Combat and Recreational). He fights in a state of euphoria and bliss, impervious to pain. His inebriated yet elevated mind fights with a slow methodical passion.

ws 6
bs 6
st 3
S 3
T 3
W 3
I 7
A 4
Ld 10
Sv 4+

Wargear
-water pipe
-combat drugs
-close combat weapon
- vapor emitter

Special Rules
-got the good sh*t
-purple haze
-power from pain
-independant character
-night vision

*water pipe: Smokey Potyx's trusty water pipe has been with him for centuries. Its a surprise none of his buddies ever dropped it on the floor crashing it into pieces. His tolerance for the drug's toxic effects are remarkable, however his opponents may choke in agony after inhaling the fumes he has exhaled.

Weapon Range Str Ap Type
Water Pipe Template x 3 Assault 1, poisoned( 3+)

*Vapor emitter: Smokey Potyx doesn't have time to toke up on the battle field. So on his shoulder a small device emits smoke so that he is constantly high on the battlefield. Confers a 4+ armor save and a 5+ invulnerable save.

*got the good sh*t: Smokey Potyx has an uncanny ability to get his hands on combat drugs never seen or used before. After rolling for combat drugs, roll an additional die. Smokey and any character in his unit equipped with combat drugs may start the game under an additional combat drug effect. (May not choose same effect twice)

*purple haze: Skimmers in an army with Somkey Potyx are adept at improving the illusions on their craft. All Venoms, Raiders, Ravagers, Voidraven Bombers and Razorwing jet fighters in an army with Smokey Potyx, equipped with flicker fields may improve their flicker fields at a cost of 5 points per vehicle.


Not sure how many points this guy would cost.

AlmightyWalrus wrote:

Anvildude wrote:You do realize that somewhere in the 40K rules, there is an actual Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, right? And I'm completely serious about this. I saw it myself. I think it was in the 2nd edition rulebook.

The current Black Templars Codex has Holy Orbs of Antioch as purchasable wargear for HQs and Techmarines.

There you go. If the Killer Rabbit assaults any unit equipped with a Holy Orb of Antioch, it takes an automatic Strength 10 hit, resolved before combat. If it is Wounded by that Strength 10 hit, it is instantly killed.

Ysclyth wrote:Smokey Potyx: Dark Eldar dealer

Smokey Potyx is the heaviest user of drugs in the galaxy (Combat and Recreational). He fights in a state of euphoria and bliss, impervious to pain. His inebriated yet elevated mind fights with a slow methodical passion.

Doomrider would like to contest.

Sergeant Leroy Jenkins

WS BS ST T W I A Ld Sv
6 0 6 5 2 5 3 8 4+

Leroy Jenkins is a welll known and popuar sergeant. He may be taken instead of a sergeant for a guardsman squad at twice the normal price.
Equipment:
Leroy Jenkins counts as having two power fists. These count as two close combat weapons with the power fist rules. He has no ranged weapons.

Special rules:
Heroic charge
Inspiring charge
Battlecry of Destiny
Semi-Demi Hero
Battleplan... what battleplan?
Fleet of foot
Feel no pain

Heroic charge:
The unit in which Leroy Jenkins is must always attempt to charge the nearest enemy unit. They must also always run in the shooting phase and may fire one shot with a range of 12' and a BS of 2. They always count as rolling a 6 when running. When they get into close combat, they get + 2 attacks and Feel no Pain each in the first turn of combat, none in the second turn and -1 in the third and consecutive turns. The unit also gets fleet of foot and move through cover.

Inspiring charge:
When Leroy Jenkins' unit runs in the shooting phase, always move it before anything else. Any friendly unit that is within 12' of any point of the route must also act like they have the 'Heroic charge' rule that turn, exept they may not fire their weapons.

Battlecry of Destiny:
When charge by Leroy Jenkins' squad a squad mus take a leadership tes at -3 Ld. If they fail, they are unable to make any attacks until it is the turn of the player controlling Leroy Jenkins again.

Semi-Demi Hero
Leroy Jenkins is a bit of a Hero. If the rest of his squad is killed, then he may join another squad, but that squad may do nothing else that turn.If he is killed, his squad becomes individual charactes who pass all morale test and must charge at the enemy using the Heroic charge rule, and may not shoot.

Battleplan... what battleplan?
The squad with Leroy Jenkins in it automatically passes all tests to charge enemies, pinning tests, sweeping advances and all test forced by the special rules of enemy squads or ICs. All other tests must be taken with -3 LD and tests for orders are automatically failed. If the squad inflicts more wounds than the opposing squad/IC then they automatically stay in the fight. If the opposing squad/IC causes more wounds, then Leroy Jenkins and his squad must retreat D6'. They may not be sweeping advanced but cannot move, shoot or charge again if they do not pass a Ld test at -3 Ld.

Well, now for a bit of chaotic fun...


Al, the Chemist

Al was a scientist back in the heresy days. He was rather brilliant, but a bit
absent minded, until he was touched a bit too much by the influence of Tzeentch.

WS 2(autohit) BS 2 S 1+dg T 1+d6 W 2+d3 I 2+d6 A1 Ld 8 Sv 1+d6 /5++

Unit type : Infantry (character)

Wargear :
Throwing flasks
Vile Vials
Phial laden lab coat

Special rules :
I'm my own test subject
Oblivious Non-combatant, random movement
Don't hit me there
Where'd I put that?
Immiscible admixture


I'm my own test subject - Al is for all intents and purposes a daemon prince,
but not your normal sort. However this does give him the unique ability to
survive his Tzeentch inspired potions. These account for his variant
statistics, roll at the beginning of battle as indicated in his characteristic
profile as the potions cause muscles to grow, skeletal structure to grow a bit
denser, nerves to operate faster, and his skin to harden.

Oblivious Non-Combatant, random movement - Al isn't really paying attention to
the battle going on around him. He doesn't really notice it. He can not shoot
or assault until after he has been successfully wounded. Until that time, he
counts as fearless. When placing Al on the table, put him in the middle of the
table, then roll scatter as for deepstrike. Every player turn, roll a d6 and a
scatter die, and move Al accordingly. If a hit is rolled, Al sits still while he
adds a potion to the vials, phylacterys, and flasks hanging from his lab coat.
If Al wanders into base combat with a unit, it counts as an assault, though the
opponent gains hit and run at the end of the combat. Once he does notice the
battle, he can shoot any unit that attacked him previously, but only those
units, so long as they are in range, mind you he doesn't care about sides, so
both opponents are fair game.

Don't hit me there - Unfortunately, wounding Al is a risky proposition, as you
never know what is going to happen if you burst one of the vials. Roll a d6 on
the following chart for each wound, all results happen simultaneously

1 - There's a brief flash of random colors, a large puff of smoke that quickly
vanishes, and a brief pause as everyone waits for the earthshattering kaboom,
that never happens. No effect.
2 - Al vanishes from the table, and is put immediately back into play as if he
had just arrived. He does not heal during this process.
3 - Al heals all wounds but loses 1 from (d3 roll 1 - Strength, 2- Toughness, 3
- Init)
4 - Roll a d6, that many S7 AP2 small blasts shoot out, rng 3d6, roll scatter
dice for each one, do not reduce by BS, reroll hits on scatter. These can hit
friends or foes, and models in close combat.
5 - Something reacts to Als blood and explodes. Every model within Als'
(starting number of wounds) in inches is automatically hit with a strength
(starting toughness) AP d6 hit. Cover saves may not be taken.
6 - Al disappears as he gets sucked back into the warp, and is replaced by d3
vortex grenades. From his position, roll scatter and d6 for each one, place the
the vortex grenade template if you have it, otherwise use the small blast.
Otherwise treat each as if someone had thrown a vortex grenade in Apoc.

Where'd I put that? - Al tends to drop things, and occasionally, someone has the
misfortune to accidently find it. Place a small marker everywhere that Al stops,
any time a unit moves within 3 inches of that marker they take a 2d6 Sd6 APd6
hits, and the marker is removed. Vehicles are hit on their rear armor.

Immiscible admixture - Oops, now you've done it. You've killed Al.
Unfortunately, all his vials have shattered. All non-vehicle units get to add
special rules as the chemicals wash over them, roll 1d3 for every unit on the
table to determine how many special rules each acquire, roll a d6 on the
following chart to determine which ones they get. They do not get to reroll
duplicates or ones they already have.
1 - Eternal Warrior
2 - Feel no Pain
3 - Fleet
4 - Acute Senses
5 - Rage
6 - Stealth

Unfortunately, there's a downside to this, at the beginning of the next 3 player
turns, each unit on the table takes (2d6 hits the first player turn, 1d6 the
second player turn, and 1d3 the last turn) hits as S d6 AP d6, Melta. Vehicles
on their side armor.

Thowing flasks - If Al is able to shoot at a unit, (see oblivious noncombatant),
he throws one of the flasks hanging off of him. Throwing range is 12 (Flasks are
fairly small), and scatter per small blasts, any units hit suffer the following
effects if it's not a wounding hit. Roll a d6,
1 - A bright flash, a puff of smoke, a horrid stench that even permeates vacuum
sealed armor, causing uncontrollable heaving. Roll a toughness test at -1 or be
pinned.
2 - Full of Acid. Models under the blast template are hit with a S d6 AP d6
attack.
3 - Ooh Pretty, where were we again? Something about this attack gives the
victims delusions. The affected units use random movement for their next
movement phase, (d6 in scatter die direction, reroll hits.), can not run, but
will shoot if able at the closest unit (friend or foe), as they look terrifying.
They will assault same unit if within range, but on the next round if they turn
out to be friendly they can seperate with no downside, just as if they'd been in
base to base with a friendly model. Vehicles are not affected, units inside are
if they disembark at any point after in the game, but on non-transports the
result is wasted.
4 - Where are we? The affected unit(s) are randomly teleported. Roll scatter
and 2d6 for the affected unit(s), as if they're in the initial placement for
deepstrike. Move them if a direction is rolled, on a hit they stay where they
are, in both cases on their turn they function as if they just arrived by
deepstrike. If the movement causes them to land in such a way that they'd
mishap per a normal deepstrike, roll mishap per deepstrike.
5 - Mirror Match!!!! - The warp opens up and out comes a unit very much like the
one(s) affected. The new unit is to be identical (unit, composition, remaining
models and wounds, everything stat, equipment, and rule wise). Said unit
immediately assaults the ones that were hit. Neither the attacking unit or the
assaulted one get to benefit from furious charge or counter charge. They remain
locked in combat until there is a victor, both sides gaining fearless for the
length of their battle. If the summoned unit wins they disappear back into the
warp at the end of the battle. If the original unit wins they get an extra KP
in KP missions.
6 - I feel, weird. The unit hit loses all special rules for the rest of the
game, or until Al is killed.
Vile Vials - If Al has to resort to fisticuffs for some reason, he gets only one
attack. He grabs a vial at random and hits the nearest person with it. Since it
doesn't need to really do much more than shatter some glass or pop a stopper,
it's almost impossible to miss, even dropping it can set them off, hence Al
autohits in CC. Place a small blast on one of the models in base to base, do
not scatter, and roll on the following (Al is immune to the effects) :
1 - Rewind. The affected unit is removed from the table, and placed in their
starting deployment zone (units that deepstriked on to the table are placed in
reserve and deepstrike next turn), in addition, if they were wounded or down on
models, they are healed up to full. Any limited use gear that was consumed is
replaced.
2 - Fast Forward. Affected models must make an immediate toughness test or be
removed from play as they quickly age and wither. This is an ongoing effect, so
each round their T goes down by 1 till it reaches 0 and they are removed. In the
meantime they gain fleet and DOUBLE their base attacks as their body is
irrevocably hasted.
3 - I can't move. The affected units must role pinning (fearless or other ways
of bypassing pinning checks do not apply) every round as their body slowly
starts to harden into some form of mineral.
4 - Ow, that burns. Hit models are struck with a S d6 AP d6 attack.
5 - Where are we? The affected unit(s) are randomly teleported. Roll scatter
and 2d6 for the affected unit(s), as if they're in the initial placement for
deepstrike. Move them if a direction is rolled, on a hit they stay where they
are, in both cases on their turn they function as if they just arrived by
deepstrike. If the movement causes them to land in such a way that they'd
mishap per a normal deepstrike, roll mishap per deepstrike.
6 - Boom!!! Both sides are hurled backwards toward their board edge (Al toward
the middle of the table) 2d6 inches in the most direct straight line. All units
will suffer 1d6 hits at Sd6 AP- for every unit or piece of terrain they pass
through.

Phial laden lab coat - Al is considered to have assault and defensive grenades.

Edit because of spacing issues

Spot the Ripper

After a Tyranid invasion by an unknown splinter fleet left the Imperial World of Ghavon Secundus buried in rubble, the Imperium sought to enact their vengeance. By leading the ravenous splinter fleet into a cleverly constructed trap, they managed to all but destroy the alien horde, ensuring that no xeno was left alive. There was only one known survivor of the Tyranid fleet, a tiny Ripper that the Planetary Governor Ikanus Raige had claimed as his pet and trophy of his victory over the forces of the Tyranids, naming the alien Spot for the lump on its carapace.

It was not until forces on the planet stopped responding to the fleets in orbit that something was seen to be amiss. Landing parties were safely deployed but never remained in contact for more than a few minutes. After the final investigative craft docked on the Imperial Cruiser Lazarus after deploying its team, the fleet learned of what had happened. Somehow, a survivor of the Tyranid horde had slaughtered the planet's populace without making its presence known. When the team failed to face to same fate as the previous teams, Fleet Commander Juistas Arc ordered the cruisers onto full alert, but he was too late. The final images of the Lazarus' log showed Juistas holding a squealing creature with a lump on its carapace. Blood splattered onto the lens of the ships camera and only Juistas' pained shrieks could be heard.

To this day, tales of ships coming across abandoned fleets of skeletons before facing the same fate themselves have become commonplace; it is therefore only logical to assume that Spot is still at large, and will continue its mindless slaughter until it finds a being that cannot by charmed by its innocent squeals and charm. The Inquisition would like to remind members of the Imperium that it is against the laws of the Imperium to approach, touch or feed the Xenos, and that those who break this law will be summarily executed.

Spot - 0-1

WS - 5
BS - 3
S - 3
T - 3
W - 2
I - 7
A - 2D6
Ld - 10
Sv - 6+/4++

Unit Type:
Infantry

Wargear:
Spot's Flayers - Spot has a unique biomorph that he uses with lethal effectiveness. Spot's flayers are diamond-sharp, making short work of anything unfortunate enough to get close. These flayers cover Spot's underside and will flail violently in all direction if Spot feels threatened. Spot's Flayers give Spot 2D6 attacks and are Rending.

Special Rules:
Fearless
Fleet
Move Through Cover
Stealth
Infiltrate
Hit and Run
Irresistible Charm - Spot is a tiny alien being that squeals innocently and will chum up to anything it feels will provide it with a sufficient meal in the near future. Its charm is potent enough to affect even the hardened warriors of the Imperium. Units wishing to shoot or charge Spot must first pass a Leadership Test with a modifer of -D6. If the test is passed, they may shoot/assault as normal, but if the test is failed then the unit decides it would be too cruel to attack such a defenseless creature, and may not perform any further actions during that turn (although they strike in combat as normal, and are moved by tank shocks are normal, although the unit may not perform a Death or Glory against the vehicle). If Spot is the target of a psychic power, then the dice to cast must be re-rolled.
Spot's Spot - The lump on Spot's carapace is of unknown origin, but it seems to harbour strange powers that guard Spot against damage. Spot's Spot gives Spot a 4+ Invulnerable save that cannot be modified or removed by any means.
I swear, I don't know where it came from... - Spot appears from nowhere, gently purring from behind a small object and staring up with big, loving eyes. Spot may choose to arrive from reserves instead of being deployed with the rest of the army. If Spot is deployed from reserves, he is placed inside area terrain and does not take any difficult or dangerous terrain tests. Spot may assault the turn he arrives from reserves.

A very interesting character, though I agree that the points value is too low. I haven't completely scoured the rules, but I did notice that you didn't say when he gives his orders. I would assume that he gives them before senior officers, but you need to make this clear. I also think that an old man advancing alone onto the battlefield would be rather unlikely. Why not create a squad for him to be part of. He could just replace the company commander in a CCS. Or you could make a whole squad of characters. For example, the organisers of the cadian 227th old peoples coffee morning. Perhaps a squad of 5 OAPs on modified scooters. He could be accompanied by big man Joe, the former wrestler. He has an especially large scooter for his muscular build. He has taken advantage of this and modified this to incorporate an autocannon. How about Brian the former demolitions expert with his shopping basket of demo charges. WHat about GIbson's wife, Betty, who can cook up sweet delights, or sour poisins, which she distributes to the unit she joins. I could go on for days inventing these people...

I've got this wacky, stupid idea for a giant robot suit for a Space Marine to wear! It'll be as tough as a Greater Daemon, the size of a Trygon, it'll look really ungainly and I'm going to give it the stupidest name ever: Nemesis Dreadknight with Nemesis Doomfists!

Wait, no, I've taken it too far. Nobody would ever approve of something that stupid...

a

After a very helpful reply from goblet270 i got writing

Old lady Gibson........................................................................points:190

Old lady Gibson is the wife of the great general Gibson and is his most trusted adviser. The two met when old man Gibson save Mrs. Gibson home planet of Plaxis 2. Although it’s against regulations, old man Gibson insisted that his wife may accompany him from warzone to battlefield alike, after 3 lord commissioners faced the wraith of his infamous walking stick he wish was granted. On the battlefield, old lady Gibson will appear and start handing out treats for the brave guardsman and poison laced cakes to enemy soldiers that prove to lucky, if an enemy survives her “treats” then they have to survive a pounding from her righteous wooden spoon.

If old man Gibson is in your army then you can take old lady Gibson

WS:6 BS:3 S:3 T:3 W:5 I:5 A:10 LD:10 SV:4+/5+
Type: infantry, independent (unique)
Wargear:
-wooden spoon
-icing gun
-knitting kit
-baking apron
-Refractor field
Special rules: counter attack, eternal warrior, fearless, move through cover, stealth, get of my petunias!!!!, why you good little boy, why you naughty rascal.

Wooden spoon: old lady Gibson carries into battle her favourite wooden spoon, it has been used so much that it has a thick layer of icing around it. It is a thunder hammer that always uses old lady Gibson’s imitative when in combat.

Icing gun: old lady Gibson wields an ancient icing gun that was handed down through here family for generations. Before firing select what ammo you are using.
Icing gun: Range: template, S: n/a, AP: 6 Type: assault 1
-rock icing: Range: template, S: 1, AP: 6 Type: assault 1, hardens
-hot jam: Range: template, S: 5, AP: 6 Type: assault 1
- Gooey filling: Range: template, S: 1, AP: 6 Type: assault 1, pinning
Hardens: any unit shot at with rock icing will have its movement halved, if shot at twice then they cannot move at all (although they can still shoot), if shot at with a normal weapon or assaulted then they may move again.

Knitting kit: old lady Gibson will never leave her home without her knitting kit, in battle she throws knitted nets and cozzie covered grenades at the enemy. She counts as having frag, krak, and defensive grenades.

Get of my petunias!!!!: any enemy unit within 30 of old lady Gibson that enters cover must take a moral test.

Why you good little boy: in battle any unit that impresses old lady Gibson will be rewarded with delicious cakes. Any model within 20 that rolls a 6 for anything can roll a D6+D3 on the treat chart (max 10)
1. Love: nothing
2. Cookie: +1 WS
3. Scone: +1 BS
4. Muffin: +1 S
5. Cup cake: +1 T
6. Slice: +1W
7. Milkshake:+1 I
8. Toffee: +1 A
9. Cake: +1 LD

Why you naughty rascal: old lady Gibson also hands out poison laced treats to lucky enemy soldiers. Any enemy model within 20 that rolls a 6 for anything can roll a D6+D3 on the poison chart (min 1). Note that Nurgle worshipers have no immunity to this.
1. Forgiveness: nothing
2. Choking Cookie: -1 WS
3. Scolding Scone: -1 BS
4. Murdering Muffin: -1 S
5. Corrupted Cup cake: -1 T
6. Sickening Slice: -1W
7. Maggot Milkshake: -1 I
8. Tough Toffee: -1 A
9. Critter Cake: -1 LD

I'll add the other ideas to my list of rules to write.